Work Text:
“Alright ya goons! Let’s play this fucker!” Blitz grinned as his friends cheered.
Fizz grinned as he began to shuffle the cards, adding a bit of flourish as he did so. “Shame Oz had to work tonight. He’d kick ass at this,” he commented.
“Better him than Mammon,” Chaz snorted. “That dude seems like he’d be a total cheat.”
“Actually that’s one of the few things he wouldn’t do,” Fizz corrected, surprising the group. “Mammon might be a total bastard and a sack of shit but he never cheated at cards. He was genuinely honest when it came to card games since they’re all about skill. He just happened to be a very arrogant winner, throwing the cards around and shaking his bloated ass in the face of whoever lost to him.”
“What happens if he loses?” Moxxie wondered.
The jester imp rolled his eyes as he started to hand out the cards. “Oh I’ve heard his temper tantrums whenever he’d lose to one of the other Sins. He'd whine and complain and hoard all the snacks to himself and the night would basically end there,” he told the shorter imp before turning to Blitz. “You said one more person was coming tonight, right? Your dad? Loona? Stolas?”
“Actually she should be here right about…” he trailed off, smiling when he heard the signature knock of his friend at the door. “Now.”
The group looked at each other in confusion as Blitz went to answer the door, confusion turning to shock as Princess Charlie Morningstar herself came in with a friendly wave and a backpack full of snacks.
“Hi everyone!” she greeted, looking for her seat. “Did I miss anything?”
“Nah we were just shooting the shit,” Blitz told her, gesturing for her to take a seat. “Park your ass and we can get started.”
As Charlie went to take a seat between Fizz and Moxxie, Chaz stood up and pulled Blitz aside. “Are you sure about this? She’s a royal…” he whispered.
“So?”
“I’ve heard about her bodyguard/girlfriend. What if she loses so badly, her girlfriend kicks our asses?” the shark demon fretted.
“Verizon is not going to kick our asses,” Blitz promised before laughing a bit. “And don’t underestimate that cute puppy face of Pride’s princess here. She just might surprise you.”
Chaz was bewildered as Blitz seemed totally calm but decided to go along with it so their game night wasn’t wrecked. He took his seat as Blitz started the game with the standard bet speech. “Alright so we all got our betting snacks, right?” he questioned, pulling out some packs of cheese and hot sauce flavored chips and choco blasted cream rolls. “Salty and sweet for the win!”
“Hey, your favorite flavor combo is finally a chip! Good for you!” Charlie smiled.
“You think those are good, check these out,” Fizz chuckled, pulling out some seasonal blueberry mochi and sour cream and onion chips. “Got these from Gluttony. Bee says they’re perfectly in season on Earth so I’m betting on these babies.”
“Oh those sound good! I might bring those home to Millie if I win,” Moxxie commented.
Chaz smiled confidently as he pulled out some teriyaki flavored shrimp chips and chocolate covered pineapple. “Saw on Sinstagram these were the trending snacks of summer down in Envy. And pineapple is a pretty sexy-ass fruit,” he told them.
“Well I can’t say no to chocolate so I’ll give ‘em a try if I win,” Blitz mused, eyeing the covered fruits eagerly. “I mean, it’s gotta be better than that dragon fruit Barbie had me try in a fruit bowl once. It was so fuckin’ BLAND!”
“I think the red dragon fruit is better than the white one,” the shark demon told him. “More flavor.” He then turned to his friend, nudging him a bit with his elbow. “Come on. Let’s see what ya snuck out of the apartment.”
Moxxie rolled his eyes before pulling out some ketchup flavored chips and strawberry puff snacks. “I was worried about running late so I brought these," he told them. “The ketchup chips are from the International Earth food section at the grocery store and I was going to grab some puppy chow but I grabbed Ruby May’s baby snacks by accident. Sorry.”
Blitz picked up the baby snack and shrugged. “Hey, it's close enough. And I’ve seen ‘em enough at the store to wanna try ‘em for myself,” he reassured his buddy before turning to Charlie. “Okay blondie, what’d ya bring?”
Charlie smiled as she dumped out an entire container of fruit jelly snacks and chili dog flavored cheese crackers. “I saw these and figured they’d be fun to share. But I’d be happy to bet with them. And I saw these on the latest grocery run and thought they'd be fun to try,” she explained.
“Alright we got our betting snacks. Let’s get playin’!” Blitz declared.
Their card game soon began, a combination of the game of Uno and an elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors. The basic rules were you had to take out your opponents’ cards with the correct combination of elements. Sort of like Pokemon but without the adorable critters. You had to either take out your opponents’ cards or get rid of all your cards and bet a snack each round. You can fold and save your snacks or risk them and take them all.
“I’ll start sturdy with stone,” Fizz smiled, placing down a card.
“Sorry Fizzy but water’ll turn that stone to sand,” Blitz smirked, putting a card over his.
“Wind will turn the sand into a sandstorm!” Chaz laughed triumphantly.
“Uh, Chaz? That’s a bad combo,” Moxxie whispered, surprising the thresher shark.
“Huh? Why?”
The white-haired imp smiled as he placed down a thunderstorm card. “Because this will neutralize your sandstorm, turning it to mud!”
Charlie flipped through her cards before setting her hand down. “I think I’m gonna fold this round,” she decided.
Moxxie smiled as he pulled some of the snacks to his side of the card table. “Ooh Millie’s going to be so proud!”
“Don’t get too attached to those, shorty,” Fizz reasoned. “I’m coming for those chips!”
Moxxie shrugged before setting down a wood card. “I’ll play safe for now,” he decided, flinching when Charlie gave him a smile.
“Sorry but fire burns wood,” she told him.
“Ah-ah princess, water beats fire. Remember Pokemon?” Fizz grinned.
“The sun dries up the water!” Chaz declared, refusing to lose.
“But a thunderstorm blocks out the sun!” Blitz snickered, seeing the looks of disbelief on their faces. “Loonie’s gonna be so impressed when I beat all your butts!”
Chaz let out a groan as he placed his cards face down. “Man this game’s hard. Can we switch to actual Pokemon battles?” he requested.
“Sorry, Chazzy-boy,” the imp assassin tutted, moving the snacks over to his side. “Video game night’s next week. You still in?”
Chaz looked through his hand, seeing a bunch of wimpy element cards. “Nope I’m out,” he decided.
With Chaz out of the running, the next few rounds of element cards being slapped down and snacks being divided up. Moxxie was the next one to eventually fold, getting too nervous to play the wrong card. Blitz held out a bit longer but even his cockiness ran out and he had to say goodbye to his beloved cheese and hot sauce chips. It all soon came down to Fizzarolli and Charlie, the princess being surprisingly calm while Fizz was trying to figure out what could beat a flood card.
“Man…she’s only got one card left…what do I pick?” he questioned.
“Don’t stress too much, man. She’s used up some pretty powerful cards. Rookie mistake,” Chaz reasoned.
Moxxie looked between the Princess of Hell and Blitz biting his lip trying not to laugh, making him raise an eyebrow. “What’s that look for?” he questioned.
“Ya know how Fizz said Mammon actually is honorable when it comes to card games?” Blitz whispered. “Who do ya think taught her how to play?”
Fizz grinned as he placed down a tornado card. “Ha! Beat that, princess!”
Charlie looked down at her lone card before shrugging. “Well okay…” she replied before smiling and slamming down a meteor card. “And that’s the game!”
Chaz, Fizz, and Moxxie’s jaws dropped while Blitz just nodded in approval. Meteor was one of the most powerful cards in the game! And she had it the whole time?! No wonder Mammon called her his little card shark.
“I…I shuffled and handed out the cards…” Fizz stammered. “How the fuck did she get that?!”
“Luck of the draw my friend,” Blitz shrugged before giving Charlie a high five. “Damn girl, you still got it!”
“Aw shucks!” Charlie giggled. “Uncle Mammon might be a jerk sometimes but he was a good teacher.”
“No kidding…” Fizz whispered, utterly shocked he got beaten. Next game night, he’d have to have Charlie on his team…if Blitz didn’t call dibs first.
[END