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It all happened so fast. Natasha was in a room on the east side of an abandoned office building that, they newly discovered, was used as a hydra base.
She was downloading files and hacking through layers of security systems while she heard the boys fighting hydra agents outside.
She was almost finished and totally focused on her work when a sudden pain hit her in the lower back and everything in her felt like it’s being ripped apart.
She knew this feeling, she’s been hit. She quickly hid behind a table, adrenaline pushing through the pain as she looks back. The window behind her is shattered and she can make out movement on another building about 200 feet away.
„Clint there’s a sniper somewhere, third highest floor of the next building east.“ she talks in her earpiece.
„Copy“ she hears the voice of her best friend and a few seconds later she sees an arrow fly, hitting it‘s target straight on.
„Sniper down“ he says and Natasha pushes herself up again, talking through gritted teeth „thanks. I got everything we need in about thirty seconds, but I might need a little assistance getting out of here, I’ve been hit.“
„Bad?“ Clint asks and she can hear the worry. She feels the worry herself at the feeling in her lower belly. The bullet must have gone straight through her and the throbbing pain isn’t as easy to ignore as it usually is.
„I’ll pull through.“ she whispers concentrating on her task at hand „stark, you got me?“
„Yeah, I’m here“ he says as he enters the room and immediately hurries over as he sees the state she’s in „everyone gather in the jet and get ready, we need to get back fast.“
———
Not even three minutes later they’re in the flying jet, Natasha laying on a bench and Clint crouching beside her, everyone else around them watching carefully.
Now that the adrenaline has worn off she starts to feel dizzy. This doesn’t feel right, she’s supposed to handle being shot better.
She presses her hands down over a towel on the wound on her belly while she makes sure that the towel under her back holds the bleeding back there.
She’s cursing herself out for not being careful enough when her thoughts suddenly circle down to one singular one.
Maria.
She’s gonna kill her if she dies. Worse even, she’ll probably blame herself.
Natasha doesn’t want to die. She can’t imagine their goodbyes this morning to be their last interaction, can’t imagine the way she had pulled Maria back into bed this morning after Maria insisted she needed to get going (only to then laugh as she fell next to Nat and started kissing her with a smile on her face), was the last time they had laid together.
Everything with Maria is perfect and she’s not ready to die. She wants to continue what they’re doing for as long as she can.
„Nat, you still with us.“ Clint pulls her from her thoughts and she looks up at him.
„I need to talk to her.“ she says and then the tears start falling down her cheeks.
„I need to hear her voice.“
„Sure, we’ll call her.“ he assures her.
„Stark, call hill!“ Clint says, his hand on Natasha’s hands to help her apply as much pressure to the wound as possible.
„Seriously? She isn’t assigned to us on this miss-„ he can’t even finish when Clint interrupts him with a slightly panicked “Just do it!”
Tony pulls out his phone and dials her number but it immediately goes to voicemail “phones dead or something.”
“My phone-“ Natasha’s voice is weak as she says it and gestures with her head to a pocket on her right hip.
Clint immediately understands “Steve, take the phone from her pocket, the code is 4482. Call the contact Masha, not Hill. And put it on speaker. ”
Steve does as he’s told and all the boys (except Clint) look really confused, but the archer does not care to explain anything, since he can’t think about anything but the life of his best friend right now.
The call gets answered at the second ring and the voice that answers is Maria Hill, but she sounds really not-commander-like “Hey, what’s up? I kinda just told a king to wait for me, so I hope this is quick and important.”. Her voice is soft compared to how the boys know her.
Clint starts talking and Steve holds the phone closer to him, given the fact that Clint’s hands are still on Natasha’s wound.
“Maria it’s me. I’m sorry, Natasha got shot, it was all really messy. I don’t- I don’t know what to do. She’s bleeding a lot. She’s still conscious and wanted to talk to you, I’m sorry.”
While he’s talking tears well up in his eyes.
Maria’s voice is even softer when she speaks next “Calm down Clint, hold the phone to her and give me one second.”
You can hear mumbling on Maria’s side and then quick steps start appearing. Steve lays the phone down close to Natasha’s head as Maria’s voice appears again.
“Hey Tasha, can you hear me?”
Natasha shifts a little to get into a better position “Yeah, I need you Masha.” she cries out, not being able to hold it in at hearing her girlfriends voice.
The boys look at each other in shock. They’ve never seen her like this.
“It’s okay, I’m on the way to my jet right now. You guys come back to the helicarrier, and I’ll be there in no time. Okay?”
“I’m sorry for bothering you. Sounded like you had something important to do.” Natasha whines and Clint pulls a strand of hair out of her eye.
“No, don’t be sorry! You actually saved me from a very long, very boring and very repetitive conversation.” Maria laughs and Natasha’s lips curl up too.
“Won’t Nick be mad?” She questions and Maria laughs again. She actually does not feel like laughing at all, but she knows it’s what Natasha needs right now.
“Nick won’t dare to be mad. He knows if he’s mad at me for this, I’m gonna be mad at him for being a heartless piece of shit and you know he hates when I’m mad at him.”
Natasha’s still smiling at that “Yeah, like last year when he knocked at our door at almost midnight to apologise to you, because he couldn’t go to bed thinking you hate him.”
“Yeah exactly like that, that man hates it when I don’t agree with him. He wouldn’t be able to run that place without me.”
This time Natasha actually starts laughing but it turns into crying really quickly as the pain hits her.
“It’s bad this time, Masha.”
“I know babe, but you gotta stay strong. This wouldn’t be a cool way to die, would it?”
“Ohh, you already sound like Yelena, you should spend less time with her.”
“I like her, she’s funny and she always has the best stories about your childhood”
“No, she always has the biggest lies about my childhood. She tells the stories like I was the dumb clumsy one, but she was the one screaming for mom at least twice a day.”
“I like her side of the stories.”
“Yeah, you sure do.”
There’s a short silence after that before Natasha speaks up again, this time way more serious.
“I love you Masha, I love you so much. I’m sorry for being so stubborn and hard to love.”
“Don’t say that. Loving you is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“You’re a big Softie Commander Hill.”
“Says the deadly black widow, that brought home a cat from the street because he just looked so sad.”
“You love that cat-“
“He’s the devil”
“But you still love him”
“Yes, but not as much as I love you. I’ll never love anything that much so make sure you get home alive please.”
“I’ll try my best. But please promise me something”
„What?“
„Promise me, if this ends the wrong way, you won’t blame yourself.“
There’s a short hesitation
“I can’t do that and I also don’t need to, because this won’t end that way. I have to go now, love, I’m already in the air. I’ll see you soon.”
“See you soon, Masha.”
At that the line goes dead and Natasha lets her eyes fall shut “I feel dizzy, Clint”
Her head falls onto his shoulder and he leans against her a little to stabilise them “Yeah, I get that. But you don’t want me to tell the kids that their auntie died, could you imagine their devastation.”
“Don’t act like that, you would cry more than all the kids combined.”
He kisses the top of her head softly “I would, so please just keep breathing.”
——
Marias jet lands about twenty minutes after the team arrived. She ordered a new agent from the med team to update her on Natasha’s status the whole time and by the time she lands the last update still stated that the redhead was in surgery and her status was critical.
She rushes her way through the carrier until she finds the boys sitting in a small room on the same floor Natasha is in surgery on.
The moment Clint sees her he stands up and opens his arms for her. His eyes are swollen red from crying just like Maria’s are.
She hugs him without hesitation, closing her arms around him.
“She’s gonna make it, she always does.” He says quietly.
“Of course she will, She’s a fighter.” She says back, trying to make herself believe it.
As they part she looks the other guys over, all pretty beaten up “Hey boys”. She gets a few soft smiles and a small “Hi” from Steve in return, before she sits down beside Clint.
A silence stretches out in the waiting room, no one knowing what to say, if there even is something to say.
Maria notices the way the boys look over at her every now and then but she decides to ignore it for her own sanity.
She can’t loose Natasha, not like this, not ever. She would never forgive herself for approving the mission.
She feels Clint’s hand on her thigh and only then realises that her whole leg was shaking.
Maria puts her own hand on Clint’s and looks up at him with the slightest hint of a smile. She’s thankful to have him here. She knows how much Natasha means to him and how much he means to Natasha.
“Did you tell Laura?” She asks quietly.
He shakes his head “I don’t have the heart to do that. Natasha is just as much like a sister to her as she is to me. She would die of worry.”
Maria doesn’t say anything to that, she just squeezes his hand.
“Did you tell anyone?” He asks.
There’s a short silence before Maria answers “I sent Fury a message and called Yelena. I don’t know if that was the right thing to do, normally we just joke about those things afterwards, but this is serious. I never heard her that much in pain. She’s normally the one to take two broken ribs and a bullet to the shoulder and still refuse to go to medical because it’s just a scratch.”
Maria’s eyes are filling with tears again and she takes the sleeve of her suit jacket to wipe them off.
“How did she react?” Clint asks. She knows he means Yelena.
“Strange I think. You know she’s not the emotional type. She went through the same shit Nat did, but she never had those mandatory therapy lessons. She just kind of mumbled something in Russian and hung up.”
Then they’re quiet again.
———
It’s about an hour later and there are still no news when familiar footsteps make their way to the room.
Maria doesn’t have to look up to know who it is, but she still keeps her head down.
“Maria” Nicks voice sounds as soft as possible.
She can feel all the boys looking at him. She’s still not moving, scared to look in the eyes of the person who’s more of a father to her than her real dad ever was.
“Maria, please look at me.” It almost sounds like a plea.
She tears her eyes away from the ground and meets his gaze, her eyes all teary.
Without thinking about it she stands up and lets herself fall into his arms.
And there, in the arms of the man who raised her for the better part of her life she finally breaks down.
Her sobs come out violently as she gasps for air, her face buried in nicks shoulder.
He just holds her, steady as always. He takes one hand to the back of her head, while the other is around her back, holding her up as her legs struggle to keep her standing.
He softly whispers in her ear “It’s okay, let it all out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
He just keeps going, not once showing any sign of pulling back, slowly letting her sobs even out.
When she feels strong enough to stand again she weakly pushes back, sitting back down on her chair next to Clint.
Fury takes a seat opposite to her, still looking at her. She knows he’s close to crying himself, he loves Natasha too. But she also knows that he’s being the strong one here and she’s unbelievably thankful for that.
“If she doesn’t make it, I’m resigning.” She states, looking him in the eyes.
His eyes just soften even further “okay.”
“Okay?” She questions irritated. She expected him to react in a lot of ways, but none of them was an okay.
He leans back in his chair, holding her gaze “The first time I met you, you were the most stubborn and at the same time grown up 16 year old I’ve ever seen. I’ve watched you grow as an agent and a human, you became my best agent in record time, breaking academy records wherever you went, the only thing you were lacking, was closeness and intimacy. You always kept professional distance and boundaries to everyone. Your walls were as high as they can get. Until Barton bought a certain assassin home and the two of you decided to start a babysitting job for one of the most deadly people on our planet.”
She actually has to grin at that comment. The two of them really had the mindset that they could achieve everything.
“What I’m trying to say is that Natasha and you don’t just have any relationship. She played a huge part in you becoming who you are today and you did for her as well. You two have that fairytale kind of love, if I’ve ever seen it, and if you loose her you can do whatever you want. If you’re resigning I’ll happily keep paying you, no matter where you are and what you do. I’m always gonna be there for you, little one.”
Her eyes are tearing up again. He hasn’t called her that for at least a decade. It was his go to nickname for her when she first started moving up in classes and ranks, being paired with the older and more experienced agents. He always liked to point out that most of her team were double her age or at least had double the time at shield.
She hated it at the beginning. She wanted to be seen just like the other agents. With time she realised he wasn’t talking down on her, but more admiring her and getting attached to her.
“Thank you Nick, for everything.” She knows that he knows exactly that she doesn’t only mean today, but everyday since she first saw him.
He just smiles at her softly and is about to say something else as her phone starts ringing. It’s an agent of the security.
“Hill speaking” she picks up.
“Here is a woman. She’s already brought down four of our agents and she currently holding a knife to my throat saying she’ll cut it if I don’t let her in. She also told me to call you specifically.”
Yelena.
Maria lets out an heavy sigh at the panicked voice of her agent “Let her in and send her to the medical wing. I suppose none of the agents are dead or seriously injured.”
At that a familiar voice comes through “I’m not an amateur, Maria.” And with that the line goes dead.
“Was that?” Clint questions and Maria just nods, standing up to stop the emotional wreck that is about to enter.
A few seconds later Yelena paces down the hallway, cursing at everyone near her.
Her clothes are all dirt and blood and Maria assumes she has a lot of wounds and maybe even a broken arm, given the fact that one of her arms is moving way less than the other.
She must have been up to some tough stuff when Maria called.
“Fucking American idiots. Not even able to keep their team safe. Whoever is responsible for this I’ll swear I’ll rip their heart out and feed it to Liho.”
She’s just rambling on and on, as her eyes never actually focus on anything. It’s clear she’s spiralling.
“Yelena…” Maria tries to address her, but she just keeps going.
“I never should have let her get back here. All that crap about caring about each other and being a team. Look where this got her.”
“‘Lena, please.” Maria tries again still without reaction.
“Natalia always telling me to be careful and all that bullshit and now she’s the one dying. It’s kind of ironic. That stubborn arrogant smart ass, always thinking she knows better.”
Maria knows that touching yelena right now could get her a few broken bones so she just straightens up and puts on her best commander voice.
“Yelena Belova, Look at me!”
The blonde immediately stops in her tracks and looks at Maria. Taking in her whole appearance.
“Hey Maria.” She starts picking at her fingernails, but Maria is not about to comment about it right now.
“Your sister is in surgery, we still know nothing new. You look like you just got hit by a bomb, so you’re going to go to our quarters, take a shower, change your clothes and feed Liho when you’re already there. If there are any news I’m gonna call you immediately, understood?” She asks throwing Yelena the keys to the room which she catches easily.
She knows yelena well enough to know that she just needs the information right now and would only start going off if Maria would ask her about her feelings.
Yelena looks down at the keys “You know I don’t need these, right?”
Maria has to resist the urge to role her eyes. Sometimes the two of them are obviously sisters.
“Yeah, but I would appreciate if you used them.”
Yelena keeps standing there for a few seconds. Looking from the keys to maria and down at the keys.
“What is it?” Maria asks, a lot softer now.
Yelena stays quiet for another moment before speaking, just above a whisper “Can I hug you?”
Maria’s shock is visible for a split second before she closes the distance between them and hugs the blonde.
Yelena melts into her and Maria can feel a few quiet tears on her shoulder.
“Nothing about this is your fault. Natasha makes her own decisions and it’s not your job to protect her.” She tells Yelena quietly, knowing the blonde is blaming herself.
After a few seconds Yelena pulls back, looking up at Maria “You are great Maria Hill. I’m glad Natalia has you. I’m sorry, for being so… me.”
More tears are running down her cheeks.
Maria reaches out and squeezes her shoulder “Nothing to be sorry about. Now get yourself cleaned up, a med kit is under the sink.”
After that Yelena turns around and heads back down the hallway.
Maria takes her seat again, breathing heavily.
“That went better than expected.” Clint says beside her, smoothing a hand over her back.
“Yeah, I didn’t really expect her to listen to me that well.” Maria sighs with relief.
“Of course. That girl adores you almost as much as her sister.” Clint states and Maria has to smile softly. She just wants Natasha to wake up.
This can’t be the end of their story, she wouldn’t get through that.
With that they fall back into silence and if the circumstances were different, Maria would actually be impressed by how long stark has already been able to be quiet.
——
Another hour later the silence has faded and the room was filled with low conversations.
Maria was sitting on the ground, with yelena behind her braiding the brunettes hair while they talked to Clint. It was kind of grounding and devastating at the same time to have the blonde braid her hair like Natasha always did on their days off.
All eyes shoot up, as the exhausted looking head of surgery enters the room, rubbing his forehead with his arm.
“Agent Romanoff is stable now. We almost lost her a few times, so we have to wait for her to wake up to be able to see if the brain got damaged.”
Maria lets out a huge sigh of relief as tears start building up again. Natasha’s still alive, that’s the important part.
“You can visit her, but we don’t expect her to wake up for another few hours.” He finishes and heads to the staff rooms, probably about to catch a break.
Clint is the first to stand up, addressing the two woman “You two should go see her. I’m gonna go shower and rest and be back in a few hours. If you need anything, feel free to call me.”
He squeezes Maria’s shoulder and she gratefully smiles up at him “thank you Clint. I’ll call you if she wakes up before you’re back.”
They stand up and the entire room is suddenly filled with people standing up and gathering their stuff to head back to their rooms. They were all just waiting for the confirmation that Natasha made it.
Maria stops one more time when they reach the door to look back at the group of people “thank you guys for waiting here with us. I know Nat will appreciate it, when she wakes up.” And with that they’re heading to her room.
***
As they enter the room Maria’s heart stops for a beat. Natasha is connected to about four different machines and looks paler than usual. Her eyes are closed as she lays there, not moving.
Maria slowly walks over to the bed, sitting down on the chair beside it.
She studies her girlfriends features, her hair is messy and she has a band aid at her cheek which Maria is sure hides a cut of some sort.
She watched her chest rise and fall steadily, calming herself down. Everything will me fine.
When she can finally tear her eyes away, she turns around to see Yelena standing in the middle of the room, looking lost.
„Lena, come sit down.“ she says pulling another chair close to the bed.
Yelena carefully moves closer, doing as Maria told her.
„I’ve never seen her like this.“ the blonde says, her face almost as pale as her sisters.
„She’s alive, okay, she will be fine.“ Maria tells her.
„But she could be dead right now. She could be dead and all I ever did was mock her and tell her how annoying she is. I can’t even remember the last time I told her I loved her, I think it was when we were kids.“ with that tears start falling down her cheeks.
Maria gently pulls her into her shoulder „you’re her younger sister, it’s normal to mock each other. I know for a fact that she was aware of the fact that you love her and she loves you too, she loves you so much Yelena.“
After that they’re both silent.
At some point Yelena sits up straight again and Maria reaches for one of Natasha’s hands, slowly circling the redheads palm with her thumb.
———
It’s dark outside when Natasha consciousness comes back to her. She slowly opens her eyes.
The light is dim and it takes a few seconds for her to gain focus. Her whole body feels numb and she’s sure she’s drugged up with pain meds.
Her eyes move to her right hand, which lays between both of Maria’s hands, the woman laying back in a chair with her eyes closed.
Natasha feels a sense of warmth at the view. Her love for the brunette is so overwhelming at times, it takes her breath away.
Next her eyes catch on to another pair, her sister looking at her, clearly noticing she’s awake but frozen in place.
Natasha smiles softly at her, then at Maria and back at her sister.
She adores the way the two of them are together, like they’re sisters themselves.
Yelena finally unfreezes „Sestra, how are you feeling?“
Natasha opens her mouth but stops as she feels her throat aching.
Yelena catches up immediately, as she walks over to a small table at the side of the room to get a water bottle.
Natasha takes the already open bottle from her and takes a sip just as she sees Maria open her eyes and slowly coming back to reality.
Maria
Her Maria
Natasha knew she loves her for a long time, but now it feels different.
There were multiple times in her life where she almost died, but she was never scared, not like this.
She thought she might die and the only one she could think about was Maria. How she wants to spend so much more time with her, experience so many things with her.
And most of all she wouldn’t want to leave Maria alone. She knows it would destroy Maria to loose her.
Most of her life Natasha thought she was unimportant, that she meant nothing, but slowly but surely Maria got her to believe that she cares for her.
That she loves her back in the same way.
And just imagining Maria being dead makes Natasha sick to her stomach so she wouldn’t want to put the brunette through those feelings.
„Hey Tasha.“ Maria whispers as tears start to built in her already red swollen eyes.
Natasha squeezes her hand as she looks back and forth between her sister and her girlfriend „How late is it?“.
„After midnight“ ,Yelena answers, „you really scared us.“.
„I’m sorry. But I’m still here, and I’m feeling pretty okay, probably cause of the amount of pain meds in my system.“ she jokes but stops smiling as she sees the look on her little sisters face.
„I’m sorry sestra, I love you. I always just tell you how annoying you are and I want you to know that I love you and you’re not really that annoying.“ she wipes the forming tears from her eyes.
„Of course I know that Lena, I love you too. You’re my little sister, nothing will ever change that.“ Natasha says.
Yelena just nods at her as silence falls over the room. Silence that is filled with so much relieve, hurt and love.
It takes a few minutes but Yelena gathers herself and stands up, looking between the two „I’m gonna take a short walk. Give you two some time.“.
Maria is about to argue that she can stay if she wants, but Natasha beats her with a small smile and a „thank you.“
As soon as the door closes behind Yelena Natasha takes Maria’s hand into both of hers „Hey, talk to me.“
And with that Maria starts crying again.
„You’re not allowed to do this to me ever again, understood? This were the worst hours of my entire life. Not knowing if I’ll see you again was hell. I was close to killing people nat, and I’m not even exaggerating, I told Fury I would quit. And I was so serious. You know what that means Tasha. This job was my life, this was everything I ever wanted and now, now nothing even matters if you’re not there. That’s so scary. I love you so much it scares me, and now I’m telling you all this even though I know I shouldn’t, because you need to rest and Not listen to my outburst, the logical part of me knows that but for some reason that part never seems to work around you and it drives me crazy. You drive me crazy!“
She stops as she sees a stupid smile on Natasha’s face. That stupid smile she loves to see and kiss every morning when she wakes up.
But that stupid smile slowly turns a little more serious as the redhead whispers „Marry me, Masha.“.
„what?“ Maria is totally caught off guard, she expected a lot of things, and this wasn’t one of them.
The smile on Natasha’s face only grows „I want you to marry me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you know with all that happily ever after shit. I want to be yours, officially. So that no one can doubt it.“
Maria is still in shock „I thought you don’t believe in marriage, you told me your not interested in it.“
„That was a lifetime ago, that was before you showed me what I can have. So what do you say? I don’t want you to feel pressured just because I almost died. You can say no and we move on like we did before, but I really want to marry you.“
Maria can’t help herself anymore, she leans forward, cups Natashas face with one hand and kisses her.
It’s soft and slow, scared she might hurt her. Natasha immediately kisses her back with the same emotion.
As she pulls back only a few seconds later, Maria whispers against her lips „of course I’ll marry you.“
It isn’t even a question in Maria’s head. She always dreamt of one day marrying someone she really truely loves.
She just already made her peace with the fact that that wouldn’t happen, because Natasha had told her, when they were just friends, that she never wanted to marry.
Maria knew there would never be another person for her, that Natasha has taken over all of her heart and soul.
So for her it was natural to hope for a long live with Natasha by her side, even if that meant never getting married.
But now that Natasha wants to marry her, Maria is over the moon.
As she connects her lips with Natasha’s again, she can feel tears welling up in her eyes.
How can she be this lucky?