Chapter Text
The door clicks shut behind Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sits on the hotel room bed, pressing his hands to his mouth.
He just had sex with a man.
Is it sex? There wasn’t any, like….
They just kissed and sucked each other off. That’s not sex, that’s just a frenzied hookup… thing.
Well, his sex-ed teacher had said there doesn’t have to be penetration for sex. So maybe… maybe Shane just had sex with a man.
Anyway.
Shane’s sitting on the bed after fooling around with a man for the first time. He can’t quite decide if the twisting in his stomach is leftover from, frankly, the best blowjob he’s ever gotten, and a really fantastic orgasm, or if it’s nerves from the potential they could have been caught, or some other feeling because it was another guy he just did that with, and Shane’s not gay.
Yeah, that’s probably it. Just hormones and competition and rivalry manifesting in a really hot, frenzied, preplanned hook up. Yeah.
He’s sure every guy’s had something similar happen at least once.
Right?
The second time is just as heady. Rushed and thrilling, trying to keep his voice down because anyone could hear. Because Scott Hunter is in the room next door, and maybe he didn’t go out tonight and he’s over there right now, and he can hear Rozanov moan out ‘Hollander,’ and he can hear Shane’s voice breaking while whimpering ‘Rozanov’ in reply.
But then Roz asks him to turn onto his stomach, and he does, and it’s—
He’s not gay. Straight guys can get off on ass play, too, he knows that. But it’s scary. He really likes the idea of it and that’s scary.
Shane’s not sure he wants to be that vulnerable with Rozanov. Sure, he’s a good guy in private, checks in on if Shane’s into what they’re doing, but that’s just… y’know. Courtesy.
Shane lets Rozanov put his number in his phone. Lets him assign them silly code names. And then he takes himself back to room 1119, takes a shower, and decides it’s not going to happen again.
– – – – –
Eight weeks later, he runs smack into Alice Webster while jogging through Mount Royal Park when he tries to text Hayden back mid-stride. She’s looking up at him while sitting on her ass, a stunned expression on her face, a bright laugh on her lips, and Shane asks her to coffee.
She’s sweet and witty and clever and charming, and he knows he can do this. Finally, here is a woman he finds beautiful, and he enjoys spending time with! This is what everyone’s been talking about.
Seven months later, they’re engaged.
Eight months after that, they’re married.
– – – – –
Shane Hollander wants to sleep with his wife. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Shane is a guy who wants to have sex with his really pretty, really nice wife. Who he is in love with.
Obviously.
Because it would be weird if he didn’t. He’s a red blooded Canadian man, he’s a hockey player, and he has a wife. That he wants to fuck. Because it would be weird if he didn’t.
Alice is beautiful, anyone can see that. Her eyes are a dark brown that his mom once called umber, and her teeth are straight and white. She has no blemishes or beauty marks, and has high, sharp cheekbones, that when she smiles, turn somehow warm and full. She’s curvy in all of those places a woman ought to be. Like her bum and her breasts and her waist.
Some of the guys on the Metros have talked about how much they love when a girl has really large breasts. Well, they don’t use those words, but Shane knows that’s what they mean. He’s not sure Alice’s qualify as ‘really big,’ but that’s okay. It’s not his favorite part of a woman’s body. When the guys talk about it, it seems like you either prefer boobs or butts. And Shane is definitely more of a butt guy.
It’s a weird thing to think.
They have little nicknames for each other. Shane calls her Al, and she calls him Shay. It’s fun. And less stressful than trying to figure out what pet names to use. He calls her babe sometimes but it’s just always awkward rolling off his tongue. Al, though, is easy to use.
Al works out, too. Not as much as Shane, but that makes sense! He’s a professional athlete. Plus, it’s probably good she doesn’t work out as much as him. Nobody wants a woman whose body is so muscular it's like a man’s. That’s another thing the guys have talked about in the locker room.
She loves wearing heels, which is cool, and very feminine. And in most of the ones she wears, she’s actually a little taller than him. Shane’s definitely not a short man, but he’s not uncommonly tall. In her bare feet, she’s only a few inches shorter than him. So he’s an average height and she’s tall for a woman. Which he thinks is kind of neat.
Maybe it’s weird, but Shane likes when she’s a little taller than him in her heels. She seems powerful that way.
Plus, she’s laughed with him about how it’s only insecure man-babies (her words, not his) that care if their girlfriend is taller than them. Either bare footed or in heels.
Shane’s never had anyone before to be catty with. It’s fun and silly, and probably what marriage is supposed to be like. His wife is pithy and goofy and kind of bitchy. She’s also elegant, with a ‘people stop to look at her when they walk down the street’ sort of striking beauty.
So yes, of course Shane wants to have sex with her. What guy wouldn’t? He knows she’s stunning, he has eyes. Plus, the guys have all said it in some way or another. Respectfully when he’s around, disrespectfully when they think he can’t hear. But that’s okay, they do that for everyone’s girl. Shane honestly finds it kind of reassuring. His wife is beautiful, and he’s one of the boys.
Drapeau once told him with a leer and a slap on the back that he must be a beast in the sack to have caught a woman like her.
Shane wouldn’t exactly describe himself as a beast, but he thinks he does alright when they do have sex. It’s just not that often, is all. Alice doesn’t really ask to have sex, and he doesn’t either. So he figures most people are exaggerating the way they can’t keep their hands off their girl.
They sleep together. Of course they do, they’re married! And he wants to when they do! Shane tries his best, and it’s fine.
Some guys just don’t love having sex. That’s okay. Sometimes he can’t stay hard, or can’t get hard. But that’s okay. He’s sure it happens to everyone sometimes.
During the season, he’s giving his all on the ice and in the gym and training, and he’s just tired. And stressed about winning. The Metros still haven’t gotten the Cup, and everyone is counting on him. Sure, he’s only been on the team for a few seasons, but the city’s hopes rest on his shoulders. Well, the whole team’s really. So then in the offseason he’s thrown off by his schedule changing and stressed about his drill planning for training camp.
Plus, Al is a lawyer. She’s busy and crazy with work, establishing her career, working toward one day being a partner. And so she doesn’t have time to have sex, either. Shane gets it! It is totally fine. He just wants to support her.
Besides, relationships are about way more than just sex. He and Alice have a great time together. She lets him talk about hockey as much as he wants. She even asks questions! And her understanding of the game is way better than it was when they first started going out.
He was worried, at first, when she didn’t know very much about hockey. But she’s been a quick study. And honestly, teaching her is fun! It gives Shane a reason to monologue his thoughts through the whole game. On the couch beside her, wrapped up in the throw blankets she buys that are the right kind of soft and the perfect weight. Eating the snacks that she makes sure fit in his diet but are still kind of fun.
Shane listens when Alice vents to him about the cases she’s working on.
They got married shortly after she graduated from law school and passed the bar. She got a job at a firm downtown that handles contract law, and works primarily with Canadian fashion designers and brands.
The law is really confusing, but she did her undergrad at Harvard before coming to McGill for law school, so he trusts her to know what she’s talking about. She’s way smarter than him, honestly. But she knows how to explain things so he gets it, often in hockey metaphors. And he knows how to listen. He’s gotten good at asking the right sort of questions. Or, having taken this tip from how she watches hockey with him, agrees with the sentiment she’s saying, letting her keep going on about it as long as she likes.
And he likes doing her stuff too! She’s really interested in fashion, which is why she pursued fashion-related law, and asked him early on in their relationship, sheepishly, if he’d be willing to watch a livestream of some fashion show with her from the Milan fashion week.
She monologued her way through it the way he does hockey. Gasping and gaping when a piece caught her eye, telling him Etro always has the best textiles, and that she grew up admiring their iconic paisleys.
Textiles, he learns, is the fancy word for the fabrics they use.
They watched this one runway for some brand (he can’t remember which) that had some of the male models in heels, which was wild. But Alice seemed to think it was really cool, and Shane thinks Alice is really cool, and she definitely knows what she’s talking about when it comes to clothes, so it must be cool to have men in heels for the runway show. Maybe it’s like wearing skates: just a different skill set.
It’s fun, lounging around the house, watching the things they like. Going for runs in the mornings, and to the cottage in summer. It’s a good life. Shane likes that he can give his wife a good life.
He’s pretty sure he’s a really good husband.
Not long into their relationship, Alice convinced him to start caring about what he wears. Well, they were engaged by that point, but Shane proposed to her pretty quickly, so it still hadn’t been very long.
Shockingly, shopping with Alice is fun. She doesn’t get huffy when he hates the way a fabric feels on his skin. She’s fine to take breaks, and she takes him to stores without fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, that have comfy seats to wait on, and nice people to help but not hover.
He likes looking nice, he realizes. Alice looks chic and sophisticated pretty much always, and Shane likes looking like he belongs next to her. She gets him into suits for walk-ins that make him feel stylish and interesting. The clothes in his closet feel more like ‘him’ than anything a stylist would have picked out.
She buys him hair products, and introduces him to a shockingly thorough skincare regimen. Which is something he didn’t realize he was missing. It makes his skin so soft. Way nicer than just using the CeriVe face wash his mom started buying him when he was going through puberty. And he gets to sort of just zone out before bed, going through the steps of the skincare routine. A welcome schedule, comfortably side by side with his wife.
When they decide to buy a house, Alice is on board with it being in Hayden and Jackie’s neighborhood. Excited, even, to be so close to Jack and the kids. Plus, they’re only a 15 minute drive from Alice’s office, and from the Bell Centre. It’s a little farther to the CN practice rink, but still less than a half hour’s drive. And Shane’s confident in the Jeep Grand Cherokee he bought while on his ECL to get him where he needs to be, no matter the unpredictable Canadian weather.
Overall, being married is actually a lot better than Shane ever thought it would be. He loves his life, he appreciates his wife a lot. Their home is cozy with how she’s decorated it, and Alice doesn’t mind when he gets a little neurotic and cleans it like crazy. She hires a cleaning service to come in before he gets home from long roadies so he doesn’t have to worry about it, and he appreciates that, too. They go out with Hayden and Jackie, and some of the other guys from the team and their wives or girlfriends. Al has a lot of friends who live in the Village, and talk about things that Shane doesn’t know anything about, because he’s not gay, but sitting beside his wife, it’s kind of fun to learn about.
She never tells him he talks too monotone. When she realizes he isn’t catching a joke, she’ll lean over, and explain it in his ear, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck so it isn’t obvious she’s explaining. And she smiles at him so genuinely. Never with condescension, or like he’s missing some part of the conversation the way a lot of people do.
It’s all really good!
Sure, sometimes he wonders if things aren’t supposed to feel a little more… exciting. And he does wonder, when he hears the guys in the locker room talking about how they find heaven between their girl’s thighs. But that’s okay. To each their own, and all that. Alice doesn’t seem to mind when they don’t have sex for a few months. It's just not the basis of their relationship. That’s fine!
Shane’s dad told him once to marry someone he’s friends with, not just someone he feels passion for; that friendship will make a marriage last, even when passion fades.
So, okay, maybe there’s never been that much passion. But there’s friendship and intimacy and love. Even if it’s not as sexual as most marriages. Alice is lovely. He adores her, genuinely.
He does not think about those two nights with Rozanov before and during his rookie season. It’s fine. That was different, it felt different, but that makes sense, right? Of course it felt different with a man. Shane just got caught up in the illicit affair of it all. The forbiddenness of it. That’s all. Things with Alice are calmer, less fervent. The passion is gentler, but he’s sure it’s there when they sleep together. It for sure is. It has to be. She’s his wife! And he is in love with her! Rozanov was just an exploration of his rookie years.