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Can't Fight This Feeling

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When Matt entered the room, Shiro gave him a distracted smile.  “Evening,” he greeted, turning the page in his translated book.

 “Hey,” Matt replied, and his tone was serious enough that Shiro froze and looked back up.  “Um.  Can we talk?  I think we should talk.”

 Shiro’s stomach twisted as his mind started to automatically throw up worst case scenarios.  That Shiro had done something wrong, that Matt wanted to break up, that something had happened to the others.

 Forcibly derailing his train of thought, Shiro sat up and patted the bed.  “Sure.  What’s up?”

 Matt sat down and set his pad on his lap.  It had a code up on it, and Shiro gave it about two seconds before he gave up trying to figure out what it was for.  He wasn’t a slouch with technology, but one page of some random code wasn’t exactly easy to decipher.  “I was looking through some old files,” he finally said, each word slow like he was picking them individually.  “And I came across one in Katie’s old folders.”

 “I’m sure she was thrilled at that,” Shiro replied, brows up.

 But Matt didn’t so much as flash a grin.  Instead he watched Shiro’s face carefully.  “Not really.  But I’m glad I did.  We found... okay, she told me about this, but I might be getting it wrong. Something about a pyramid to get a pearl?”

 Oh.  God.  That had been a bad day.  “Yeah.  I know what you mean.  When I- yes.”  Shiro cut himself off, swallowing hard.  Was that what this was about?  Matt wanted a guarantee that Shiro wasn’t going to hurt Pidge again like that?  Because he’d give it, gladly.  It was a promise he’d made to himself dozens of times.

 Shiro wasn’t sure how well he’d kept it, though.

 “Well, Katie kept the files she hacked with your... with your arm.  And I looked through it because I didn’t know what it was and...”  Matt’s shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes.  “I found the stuff that works with that chip from your arm.  So I compared it to the read-out we took most recently and...”  He trailed off.  “There’s still a lot in there.”

 Stomach cold, Shiro took a deep breath, refusing to react.  “Yeah, we figured.  There was always a chance there’d be something more.  So come on, just tell me.  I’m not going to shoot the messenger.  We should know what damage I can do.”

 Matt gave him a look that proved that wasn’t at all what he was worried about.  “It’s not about that.  It’s...  Here.”  He scooted closer, until they were hip to hip, and then Matt shoved the pad until it was half in Shiro’s lap as well.  “This, here.  There’s all kinds of settings.  Stuff to...”  He paused again, glancing at him.  “I don’t really want to tell you, Shiro.”

 “I’m going to find out one way or another,” Shiro pointed out, tone flat.  “That’s the way it works.  It always comes back to bite us in the ass. So just let me know, would you?”

 Matt nodded and swallowed.  “Okay.  Um.  This is... it basically turns off a lot of your higher brain functions, so you wouldn’t be able to disobey.  I figure that was what it was like before, with the chip.  There’s also... this could mess with your memories, and this would make it impossible for you to lie.”  He let out a shaky breath.  

 Slowly, Shiro started to unknot.  “We knew that already.  That was all through the chip.  They can’t do it remotely anymore.”  He’d been braced for some new horror, but none of this was a surprise.

 “There’s other things.  Little ones.  This one causes pain.” Matt glanced at him, slowly relaxing now that Shiro didn’t seem like he was going to a fit.  “But the good news is, most of this is... rudimentary.  A basic skeleton.  There’s a lot of junk.  I don’t think any of it was beyond the very basic first compiling.  So, other than that one time, I don’t think they ever used it.”

 The words were like a punch in the chest, and Shiro slumped sideways, leaning against Matt.  “Thank fuck,” he breathed.  It had been a weight he never wanted to address or look at.  If they’d done it then, had they done it before?

 But they hadn’t.  Shiro had gotten out in time.

 Matt’s hand slipped into Shiro’s hair, gently petting.  “You’re fine,” he agreed softly.  “You’re safe.”

 Taking a shaky breath, Shiro nodded.  “Good. So the only thing we didn’t know about was the pain?”

 The sudden return to topic made Matt pause, but then he nodded.  “Yeah.  It’s pretty poorly coded, too.  It should be a simple numerical system, but nothing stops me from going into the negatives, for one.  Honesty, I’m guessing they meant for it to have some kind of interface, but the code is such a mess I doubt it would have worked anyway.”

 Shiro paused, brows furrowed.  “What would negatives do to me?”

 Humming in consideration, Matt leaned back.  “Huh.  I guess it depends on how it’s linked up to you.  There’s nothing in the code about it.”

 Resting his cheek on Matt’s shoulder, Shiro stared down at the pad.  “What would one feel like, in terms of pain?”

 “Well, since it’s designed to go up to 50, I’d say not much.  Maybe like a smack.”  Then Matt narrowed his eyes.  “What are you thinking?”

 Shiro shrugged.  “I’m thinking that I’d barely feel negative one, and I’d rather know what’s in my head then get blindsided by it later.”

 Groaning, Matt pressed his head to Shiro’s.  “You’re asking me to hurt you.”

 “No worse than smacking my ass when you think no one’s looking,” Shiro shot back, brows up.

 “That we know of!  For all we know it’ll give a rounding error and put you at the worst level of pain.”

 Shiro picked his head up to look at Matt.  “All the better reason to do it with you, when you can turn it off and I can rest after.”

 Visibly faulting, Matt slumped.  Because Shiro had a point and they both knew it.  It was his brain and Haggar had programmed glitches into his neurology, and now Shiro wanted to know what they did.

 “Okay,” Matt replied, quiet.  “Just for a couple of seconds, okay?  Get comfortable.”

 Nodding, Shiro pulled off his vest, just in case, and then kicked off his boots.  “I’m ready.”

 Matt typed on the pad, then paused, eyeing Shiro nervously.  Then he activated it.

 Shiro jolted as a shock ran through him.  It was decidedly not painful.

 It faded almost immediately, but it left a shiver in his stomach.  Taking a deep breath, Shiro turned to look at Matt.  

 “You okay?” Matt asked, eyes wide.  “I’m guessing it felt like just the level one, but you gotta tell me if it hurt you.  No trying to hide it from me, alright?”

 “It didn’t hurt,” Shiro admitted, a little dazed.  “It-”  He paused, then barked out a laugh.  “It’s the opposite of hurting.”

 For a moment, Matt just stared.  Then it seemed to click.  “It- oh.  Oh!  Really?”  He looked down at the pad, brow furrowed.  “I don’t think that was intentional.”

 “No, I don’t mean...”  Shiro turned and placed his hands on Matt’s shoulders, eyes bright.  “It wasn’t something they were trying to do.  It’s something I get anyway that they never wanted me to have.  Haggar would never-” He cut himself off and shook his head, then met Matt’s gaze again.  “They didn’t want me to have this.  But it feels good.  They put that in me and we can make it a good thing.  I...”  Shiro took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

He didn’t know how to put this into words.  The sheer rebellious power this was.  That they could take the Galra’s fuck up and turn it around, take the way they’d tried to control his body and make it into something in his power, for his enjoyment.

Haggar had tried to control Shiro with this, and instead Shiro was here, with his boyfriend who cared for him, and could use it for his own benefit, and there wasn’t a single fucking thing she could do about it. 

Grinning, Shiro met Matt’s eyes.  “Turn it up.”

Matt met his eyes seriously.  “Are you sure?  We’re really not sure what it’ll do to you.”

“I want to,” Shiro assured him, pouring as much of what he was feeling into his voice as he could.  It shook with his feelings, and he swallowed against his immediate discomfort.  He trusted Matt with his emotions, the same way he trusted him with a direct link to his brain in his lap.  “This is perfect.  She’d hate it, Matt.  I get it if you don’t want to do it, but if you don’t, I’m going to download that program and do it myself at some point.  I need to do this.”

Watching him carefully, Matt finally nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll help.  You should... you should probably undress, then.”

“Right,” Shiro replied, nodding.  He stripped off his shirt, for once not caring about the scars.  This was a balm for a different kind of cut, one that went deeper than skin.  He kicked off his pants quickly, then paused.  “Uh... where should I be?”  

Matt pressed his back against the wall, then patted his lap.  “Head here?  That way I can keep an eye on you.”

That worked.  Shiro flipped over and laid on his back, still too keyed up to care how silly he must look, stretched out and soft.  “You wanna undress?”

“Mm, for now I’ll keep my clothes on.  Just in case one of us needs to run out and get someone.  Besides, getting you all hot and bothered while I’m still dressed is fun.”  Matt flashed him a grin, then pressed at the pad again.  “Okay.  How about five this time?  And I’ll leave it going for a minute.  I want to do intervals, to make sure longer exposures aren’t going to hurt you.”

Reasonable.  Almost frustratingly so.  Shiro reminded himself that he was being impulsive and nodded.  “Good plan.”  

Matt ran his fingers through Shiro’s head again.  “You ready?”  When Shiro nodded, he pressed the button.

It was strange.  At least, distantly.  The sudden flood of pleasure without cause made it all the more shocking, and Shiro felt hyper aware of his body.  Or maybe that had been part of the would-be punishment, to make him feel every bit of pain Haggar had wanted him to.

Well, joke was on her.

Shiro arched almost lazily, mouth open to take gulps of air as arousal ran through him.  He could feel it move through him, burning it’s way through his veins to make his nipples tighten and his cock twitch.

This was just ten percent of the input, and it had only been going on for a few seconds.  What would more feel like?

Groaning, Shiro’s hips rocked up against the open air, and he completely forgot to feel self-conscious about... well, anything.  Who cared if he looked silly bucking into the air and totally naked, when his spine was sparking with pleasure?

Just as Shiro started to claw at the blankets, the pleasure stopped.  He whined before he could help himself, eyes snapping open as he tried to figure out what had happened.

Then he remembered.  Intervals.

Well, that was going to be harder than he’d thought.

Still panting, Shiro tilted his head up at smile at Matt.  “Hey.”

“Hi there,” Matt replied, still petting.  “How are you doing?”

“Good.” Shiro tilted his head, considering.  “A little sweaty.”

Matt laughed.  “Well, if that’s the worst of it, then we have a winner with this.  I’m going to turn it up and go a little longer this time, okay?”

The only response he got was a toothy grin.

The pleasure started again.  This time, Shiro’s vision blurred from it.  That would worry him if he hadn’t felt the exact same thing in bed with Matt before.

It started in his stomach like he’d swallowed a gallon of quintessence, and then ran through the rest of his body.  Shiro flushed, gasping, as he arched nearly off the bed, his cock hardening the rest of the way all at once.  “A-ah!”  He scrambled against the covers, trying for some kind of purchase while his whole body shuddered and bucked.  Instinctively, he flipped around and pressed his mouth to the strip of skin between Matt’s shirt and pants.  He lapped and sucked, needing some kind out outlet for the energy coursing through him.

Just the pleasure wasn’t enough.  He needed contact.  Needed touch.  Needed more than he’d been getting.

 “Matt,” he moaned, nuzzling in shamelessly.  He glanced up, still unseeing, and looked at where he was mostly sure Matt’s head was.  “P-please.”  He didn’t even know what he was begging for, except that he needed something.  More.  Anything.

 A hand cupped the back of his neck, and it was like it set off fireworks under the skin there.  Shiro cried out, rocking his hips down against the bed as his thighs started to tremble.  It felt so good.  It felt so so good .  What was he supposed to do with himself right now?  His whole body trembled constantly like a shiver, egging him on and pushing him closer to the source of heat that was Matt.

 Giving in, Shiro reached down and wrapped his fingers around himself, jerking.  He was already leaking steadily, not only more than he would by now but more than he usually did the whole time.

 And then the pleasure stopped again.

 Shiro sobbed with the loss, slumping against Matt’s stomach and curling up on himself.  He was still so charged and turned on, but the pleasure was a gone as if he’d been dropped and left in a room alone.  “Matt,” he groaned, picking up his head.  His vision was hazy, this time with moisture.  “Please.”

 “I’m sorry, Takashi,” Matt murmured, petting gently over his cheek.  “I’ve got to make sure you’re okay.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Everything’s good?”

 Shiro shook his head.  “No.  Need it back .”

 Sighing, Matt ran his thumb down the line of Shiro’s nose.  “That’s not what I meant.”

 “I don’t care,” Shiro shot back, but the longer he was without, the more his head cleared.  “How... how much was that?  15?”

 Matt shook his head.  “Nine.  I didn’t want to go full into the double digits.”

 Mouth falling open, Shiro shuddered. “It’s exponential.”

 “Oh,” Matt murmured, sounding nearly reverent.  “That good, huh?”  Shiro nodded jerkily.  “Okay.  I’m gunna do a bit more, okay?  But one more interval, at least.  We’re gunna go to fifteen.”  Licking his lips, Matt pressed his thumb to Shiro’s bottom lip, running along the bow of it.

 Then he pressed the pad.

 Shiro lost his mind.

 He recognized, dimly, that he was crying out and trembling.  But that was far away when Shiro’s entire world was the bright lights behind his eyes and anything that contacted his skin.  Tears started to fall, but Shiro ignored that.  Instead he kissed his way down Matt’s chest, not caring if there were clothes in the way, and then stopped at his pants.  

 Shiro sucked through the cloth, not caring what was in the way but desperately desiring to have Matt in his mouth, to feel the weight of him and taste him on his tongue.  To be fucked, soon.  His whole body clenched in anticipation at the idea.  But for now, he wanted to taste him.  

 The need made his throat tighten, and Shiro opened his mouth wide and started to lap near-mindlessly over the bulge, whimpering loudly.  He was actually, literally gagging for it.  He needed it, like he’d needed nothing else.

 Finally, mercifully, Matt undid his fly and Shiro shoved his face forward and took Matt in his mouth.  He swallowed him down almost immediately, and was rewarded with both of Matt’s hands in his his hair, fisting as much as they could in the shorter strands.

 Shiro sucked contentedly, rocking his hips against the sheets again.  This was so much better.  He could deal with the pleasure when he was actually doing something, rather than just feeling it without a cause.  It soothed something in him he hadn’t known was ragged, and Shiro closed his eyes in perfect, pleasureable happiness.

 But it only lasted a short time, and then it was gone again.

 Shiro ripped himself back off Matt’s cock, tears in his eyes.  “ Dammit!  Turn it back on!”  He shoved his hands back between his legs, first pumping himself and then pressing his fingers to his hole.  He didn’t actually press in yet, just rubbed, but Matt still scrambled for the lube and shoved it into Shiro’s chest until he took it and slicked his fingers.

 “Sorry,” Matt replied, though the he didn’t sound particularly apologetic.  Or maybe it was hard to sound like he meant it when he was that breathless. “Fuck, you look amazing like that.  You’re just... Jesus, Shiro.”

 Sliding in two fingers, Shiro shot him a frantic look.  He was aware his whole body was sheened with sweat, and he probably looked a little demented.  Flushed and panting, hair mused, ruffled and practically begging to be used.  “Then put it back.”

 “One second,” Matt replied, pushing his pants off the rest of the way.  They were no doubt uncomfortably damp anyway by that point.  “Finish stretching yourself, Takashi.  I want you to do it when you’re aware.  Then you can sit on my cock before the next one, okay?  Imagine how good that’ll feel.”

 Shiro keened loudly at the thought.  “Okay,” he managed, because Matt was right.  He didn’t want to damage himself doing this.  That would be hell to explain.

 He barely got in the third before he gave up and pulled his hand back.  Then he crawled up and positioned himself over Matt’s lap.  Using one hand to line himself up, Shiro sat down hard.

 The sudden breach and stretch set off the exact same feelings, and Shiro’s eyes rolled back in his head as he moaned.  He was still shaking from before, but this resonated with him, stroking the feelings in him back into a fire.

 And then Matt ignited it all.

 This time, Shiro definitely screamed.  But he’d never raised his voice for anything better.

 He rocked in tiny, desperate rabbit thrusts, moving as fast as he could on Matt’s cock, letting it press all the wonderful places inside of him.  Each rub against his prostate and inner walls mixed with the pleasure he was already feeling like rocket fuel. Like thermite.  It wasn’t just fire anymore, but sparks and blaze and molten need.

 But when Shiro tried to really lift himself up, Matt’s hands stopped him.  

 “What?”  He managed, dazed and nearly betrayed.

 Matt shushed him quietly. “It’s okay, lovely.  We’re just gunna take it nice and slow, that’s fine.  Let me make you feel good.”  And then his mouth latched onto Shiro’s nipple, wet and hot and sucking.

 Then it was hard to care about anything but rocking and keening.

 While Matt’s lips and tongue laved over one nipple, one hand reached up to rub the other, using the flat of his thumb.  He groped the chest muscle, squeezing it in his hand, then smiled against Shiro’s chest.

 If he’d been in his right mind, Shiro would have rolled his eyes at Matt’s ridiculous fondness for his pecs.

 Right now, it only pinged on a desperate, needy part of his brain.  One that would say literally anything to get Matt to move and fuck him properly.  The same part that no doubt would have given into whatever anyone wanted, had this been pain instead of pleasure.

 But this, Shiro could work with.  Here, he had control.

 “Matt,” he groaned, this time purposefully throaty and needy.  “Please, feels so good.  Suck me harder.”  Then Shiro glanced down at him, hazed eyes watching with a desperate, animal intelligence.   “Make my tits feel good.”

 It was a word Shiro had outright refused to use on himself before  Hell, he didn’t like the word at all, not particularly.  But Matt had jokingly called Shiro’s chest that enough that he suspected he got something out of it.

 And Matt pulled back to stare at Shiro, mouth open.  “What did you say?”

 “Please,” Shiro keened again, voice cracking.  “Feels so good.  Need to be touched.  Need it so bad, Matt.   Please.”

 Matt shivered and took a deep breath, starting to kneed the hand on Shiro’s chest again.  “You- say it again. Say it for me, Takashi.”

 Got him.  “Suck my tits, Matt.”

 Groaning hungrily, Matt switched hands and started to suck on the other one, harder and rougher than he had before.

 God, that felt good.  Shiro’s head fell back almost decadently, his whole body heaving with each breath.  “Matt,” he sighed, near reverent.  “Need it.  Fuck me?  It’s not enough, you need to move.  Need you to fuck me hard.  Want to be stretched wide by you, wanna feel you all the way in.”

 Matt let out a choked noise that was very nearly laughter.  “Who knew that you turned into a fucking demon if you were pushed.”  But he obliged, pushing Shiro into his back and spreading his legs.  “Hold them out for me, okay?  Want you to do a split for me when I fuck you.”

 Anything Matt wanted, as long as he finally delivered.  The heat was eating Shiro alive from the inside, melting his brain and dribbling it out of his cock, leaving him nothing but pure, burning need.  Anything, anything, anything to keep it going and make it better.

 So Shiro spread his legs wide, holding them out and rocking his hips onto Matt’s cock.  He clenched around him and groaned.  “Now!”

 And Matt did.  He braced himself on Shiro’s shoulders and started to fuck at a pace that would have been brutal without all the build-up.

 Instead, it was just perfect.

 Shiro’s vision whited out again, and he was vaguely aware his eyes had rolled back in his head.  His whole body jerked loosely every time Matt drove into him, and his lips were curled up into a dazed, open-mouthed smile.

 “Takashi?  One more thing for me.”  Matt pressed a kiss to Shiro’s cheek, humming softly.  “You still with me?”

 Shiro nodded jerkily, struggling to focus on Matt.  “Anything,” he swore, yet again, as he clenched around the cock.  “Anything you want.  Just keep fucking.”

 Chuckling, Matt kissed his lips, sucking on Shiro’s bottom lip.  The saliva that had pooled his mouth from eager greed spilled, and Matt licked it up.  “Pretty, needy lil’ thing that you are.  Made you into a regular slut, didn’t it?”  Shiro just groaned and nodded.  “Well, you’ve been so good.  So pretty for me.  So I’m going to give you something special.  This was fifteen?  Let’s try 20.”

 There was a tap.

 Shiro’s world erupted into stars.

 He came harder than he ever had in his life.

 And then his vision hazed into black, with tiny pinpricks of light in the distance.

 It was probably only minutes later when Shiro opened his eyes, but for a moment he was confused.  Matt wasn’t between his legs anymore, but sitting next to his head.  Shiro had been moved, sprawled on properly over the bed instead of with his head nearly at the foot.  And there was a towel running down his skin, cleaning off the worst of the sweat and come.

 “Morning, starshine,” Matt chirped, looking annoyingly chipper for having just had a round of enthusiastic sex.  Damn him.  “The castle says hello.”

 “Hello, castle,” Shiro muttered back, still not fully online yet.  Then he groaned and sat up, just to make sure he hadn’t broken anything.

 Definitely sore.  He was going to need to sleep with a heating pad tonight, to make sure tomorrow he wasn’t too stiff for training.  But Shiro felt fine.

 In fact, he felt a little giddy.

 Flopping back, Shiro beamed at the ceiling. “Fuck you, Haggar.”

 “I hope not,” Matt replied.  “Not while we’re together, anyway.”  He flopped down next to Shiro, wrapping his arms around his chest.  Then he smiled.  “You said you have tits,” he sing-songed.

 Oh.  Fuck, he had.  Goddamn his own mouth.  “Not sure it counts when you’re messing with my brain.”

 Matt just hummed.  “I think it does.  I didn’t tell you to say ‘tits’.  You did it all on your own.  To be manipulative, yes, but you still did it.”  He strained up and kissed Shiro’s cheek.  “I like you being ruthless.  It was sexy as hell.”

 “You’re such a shit,” Shiro groaned, rolling his eyes.

 Shifting over, Matt kissed him properly.  “Maybe.  But you love me.  And I now have the program that makes you go crazy.”  He paused.  “Do you want to do it again?  I can delete it from my pad if it’s too much.  I’m not logging any of this. I mean, obviously.”

 “Mm, leave it.”  Shiro smiled widely.  “It’s like...”  He paused thinking of the right comparison. “It’s like how you can take what you learned at the work camp and use it now, against the ones that took you as a prisoner.”

 Matt hummed quietly.  “Yeah, I think I get that.  It makes sense. And as long as you’re good with it, that works for me.”  He kissed Shiro again, then brushed his bangs out of his face.  “And as long as you do like it, I don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to turn it on and waiting for you to beg me nice and pretty like you did before.  You’re gorgeous when you’re desperate.”

 “Feeling the love,” Shiro drawled back.  “And that can be arranged.  Maybe for special occasions, though.  I’m exhausted.”

 “I can do that.  And hey, if we fucked you into a good night’s sleep, I call that a win.”  Matt kissed Shiro’s cheek again, and then when he closed his eyes, both his eyelids.  “You sleep, Takashi. You won.”

 Yeah.  Yeah, he had.

 Shiro slipped off with a smile on his face.