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anatomy of a downfall

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In January, Daichi and Kuroo kiss for the first time. It happens after a match that doesn’t really matter, after crows have won a set and they decide to leave the revenge for another day, because it’s dark outside. It’s dark on Kuroo’s eyes, too, Daichi notes.

Daichi swallows hard when he sees that Kuroo has stayed, because they are the last ones in the locker room and that’s dangerous.

He knows what’s going on when Kuroo looks at him, his back leaning against the sink, indolent stance, something calculating in his eyes, something challenging. He’s had enough of it, the flirting at first, the doubts, the shameless flirting after them. The big hand on the low of his back when he crossed a door before Kuroo.

Daichi is already dressed when he sees him. Jeans, red shirt, is beautiful and feels like a punch to the gut. He makes dark contrast with the white wall behind him.

“Hey” says, the asshole. Kuroo looks at him like the bad boy of an old movie, like he were the devil and were offering him all the sins in a plate.

Daichi wants.

Three letters, a dragged word and he can’t stand it anymore; Daichi makes a decision and closes the distance between them in a couple of slow steps. Clings his hands to his shirt, stands before him looking straight at him. Kuroo doesn’t move but his smile widen. He still has his hands on the cold ceramic of the sink and, finally moves his head, gets his nose closer to Daichi’s, touches his lips.

The worst thing about Kuroo being Kuroo is that it works.

Daichi lets go of the fabric, puts a hand on Kuroo’s cheek and joins their foreheads, he can feel the smile against his mouth.

He wipes it off with his lips, with his tongue, with his teeth.


It’s March and it’s been more than a month since the first one. It’s been weeks already of groping each other in the locker rooms and taking a train next day to Tokyo after a single message, of wounding his knees for being an hour on top of Kuroo. Of discarded tissues and dirty pants, of Bokuto’s hysterical eyebrows going up and down every time they see each other.

It’s been a hell of a ride, this month.

His parents leave the house a weekend because Daichi is a responsible boy who would never bring anyone home to do anything they wouldn’t approve. They told him he can bring his friends from Karasuno to a sleepover, though.

Daichi smiles and says they have too much to study, but it’s ok, because he can rest.He feels guilty for the lie but forgets it pretty soon, just as Kuroo appears on the station and they go in his house and takes of the sneakers and smiles.

He really doesn’t care for the lie a little while after, when Kuroo is under him, legs open and mouth red. Daichi says “Good?” as he presses, presses, presses. Kuroo groans and he can feel the pain in the sound, so he stops, but there is something on that sound, on his frown, that makes him want it more.

“That’s a very perverted face to make, Sawamura”.

“In the current situation I think I am allowed a little of this kind of face”.

Kuroo moves his head in a “no” motion.

“There is something else. Come on, don’t leave me waiting”.

Daichi fucks into him, with his forearms on each side of his face, he kisses and eats him and listens to his talk, because that’s what Kuroo does. He always talks when they are fucking, about what he likes and what he doesn’t and about Daichi’s face when he blushes. He says “yes”, he says “no”, he says “harder”.

Now, he whispers:

“I like it to hurt, too”.

He can’t even warn him and he is coming, doomed to hear Kuroo’s laugh in his ear, doomed to hear him say “I knew it” while he grasps the nape of his neck and hugs him. He hears him until he falls on top of him, unable to move.

Doomed seems like a nice word for Daichi, when talking about Kuroo.


June is the first time that he does it deliberately. There is enough proof for previous encounters that they ar both gonna like it but he doesn’t want to make any move that fucks their dynamic. He starts gentle, tempting himself, a nag on Kuroo’s hair to keep his head back, a harder than usual bite; he looks at his face waiting for any sign of discomfort and he founds nothing, just the everlasting smile that stays in his eyes when not on his mouth.

Kuroo is teasing him and Daichi can’t say if they know where they are going.

The first time, Daichi holds Kuroo’s wrists over his head with a hand. He doesn’t think he is gonna be able because Kuroo’s hands are fucking giant but Kuroo allows it, like he has been tamed, doesn’t make any resistance.

Daichi sits in Kuroo’s stomach, he looks at him from above and smoothes the skin over the collarbones, the neck, the hair, with his free hand. Kuroo lifts the hips but can’t get friction on the air and Daichi would smile but he can’t, no when his preseminal is already pooling down on Kuroo’s chest. He finally goes all the way and holds Kuroo’s hands, strongly, against the headboard, Kuroo opens his mouth and Daichi puts his cock on his lips and enters.

He can control it for some time but he starts saying his name, Kuroo and goes way too hard and way too deep, Kuroo chokes and frowns; Daichi moves back at the moment.

“I’m sorry”, says, breathing hard and freeing his hands.

Kuroo smiles crookedly and gloats.

“It’s ok. Just give me some time if you are going to choke me”.

Daichi turns a little his head, looking at him. He has a dark mark just above the collarbone, spit in his lips, the prettiest face Daichi has seen in his life.

He may be biased, though, as it is between his legs.

“Does that mean that you would let me choke you if I let you get ready?


In September they are on the bed, one beside the other, naked and relaxed. It’s been some time from the awkward moments after sex. They went from aborted conversations to stupid laughs to nice talks and teasing.

To something painful and wishful in Daichi’s chest, but he rather not think about it.

Outside, the summer turns into the fall and no one cares.

“You know what I’m thinking about?"

“No, but that’s always dangerous”.

Kuroo doesn’t look at him.

“It would be nice that you could pin me and touch me at the same time”. Daichi still feels ashamed when he tries to talk about what they do; he looks at Kuroo out of the corner of his eye, trying to ignore the heat in his face. “Oh, look at ya’, you’re blushing all over. You are truly a pervert.”

Daichi grabs a cushion and throws it to his face. Kuroo laughs and thrusts softly against his leg.

They have just fucked and Daichi feels like he could do it again, once again, one thousand times more. They should get bored of each other but it’s not happening and it’s fucking scary.

“Leave that to me”.

He can feel Kuroo’s satisfaction even if he doesn’t see his face.


In December, Kuroo is at his feet. Knees nailed to the floor, hands tied on the back, mouth open. His eyes shine, half lidded, expectant. He is so fucking tall that even like that Daichi doesn’t need to duck to put a finger between of the tight ropes on his shoulder and the skin.

“Is it too hard?”

Kuroo raises his brows, unable to let the innuendo go. He starts saying something like “it would be weird in this situation not to be ha-” and Daichi punishes him by pulling on a rope that goes under his ass. The smile disappears with a moan.

“That’s better”, whispers Daichi and Kuroo laughs, weakened, and lowers his head.Daichi crouches on front of him and Kuroo puts his head on his shoulder; Daichi can feel his warm breath on his chest.

He raises his chin with a commanding finger and looks at his face, blushed and excited. He asks himself when did this happens but he has to admit he knows when, and how and the exact moment he decided it was here where he wanted to arrive.

He moves forward and joins their lips; Kuroo’s are warm and soft and his tongue is greedy when enters his mouth, seizing everything he can get before Daichi decides to take it from him.


It’s another year’s February when Daichi notices that the more control he exercises over Kuroo in the bed, the more he loses it in every other way.

Kuroo lays on the floor. Cum wets his chest, sweat shines on his forehead. Daichi looks at him from above, on the edge of the sofa. His heart constraints with the view, it becomes a black hole that swallows it all. He smiles and Kuroo smiles back, a tear falls from the corner of his eye, and he sighs.

“I think this time you killed my brain. I’ve forgotten how to think”.

Daichi laughs and feels as if he’d left his own body, as all the feelings he’s suddenly having were not his. Kuroo is handcuffed but it doesn’t matter because is Daichi the one that feels tied by something invisible.

There is a red rope at his side that falls to the floor, Kuroo moves and rubs it with his knee, unaware of it.

Daichi shivers. He knees beside him; he kisses Kuroo and speaks against his swollen lips.

“You know, Tetsurou? That would probably be for the better”.