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Not In My House

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Sallymander: i’m HOME

Sallymander: and i’m also dying someone come hold me

Frankiephile: NYOOMS

Septhuitneuf: spotted in my apartment, Francoise Léger running from the guest room and hurling herself at my girlfriend, dragging them both to the couch

Sallymander: it is NECESSARY

Septhuitneuf: oh babe what’s wrong??? ;;

Ilovelucy: do u need the support squad to roll out

Ilovelucy: because i’ll kill a man

Sallymander: nononono it’s nothing that bad dw

Sallymander: just the teacher for business ESL is so demanding and i think lowkey racist

TJ2: he signed up to teach creole to english and yet he’s a racist…?

Sallymander: he only knows it because he was on mission trips

Sallymander: and he won’t shut tf up about his mission trips

TJ2: oh sally that’s horrible ;; i’m bringing you hot chocolate and the blanket from my house that u rlly like immediately

TJ1: i’ll kill him

Steveward: there are two kinds of people

Sallymander: oh no its not,,,, a big,,,, deal

Septhuitneuf: does it make you feel bad

Sallymander: ,,,,yes

Septhuitneuf: then it IS a big deal

Ilovelucy: almost as big as the KNIFE i am ominously sharpening rn

Ilovelucy: because ANYONE who makes sally feel bad is going to have to face the rage of 40,000 burning suns u feel

Frankiephile: sally is crying i luve her sm

Septhuitneuf: RT

TJ1: rt

TJ1: thomathan is driving but i can tell that he says rt too

Ilovelucy: rt!!!

Steveward: rt

Sallymander: yOU GUys ///

Sallymander: its really fine though!!

Ilovelucy: iNHALES

Sallymander: REALLY

Sallymander: he’s actually decent teaching-wise and the TA is really amazing

Ilovelucy: who is ur TA

Sallymander: i actually don’t know his first name bc he goes by his last name, Miller

TJ1: he sounds pretentious

Sallymander: it turNs out tho that his mother is from Les Cayes too!!! and he actually sounds like a real person speaking creole and is wayy more helpful

Sallymander: he also does this little,, hand grabby thing when he trips over himself speaking which pip does tOO and it’s still cute, as always

Septhuitneuf: im blushing stOp

Sallymander: i won’t apologise for saying what’s true

Frankiephile: phillip just buried his head in a throw pillow

TJ1: relatable

TJ1: milton sounds cool tho

Sallymander: milLER

TJ1: right

Steveward: how old is he?

Sallymander: idk

Sallymander: can’t be much older than me tho

Steveward: damn he must be Hot Shit to get a TA job that young

TJ2: we’re here

TJ1: KNOCK KNOCK CHUCKLEFACES IT’S TIME FOR SALLY SUPPORT

Frankiephile: coming! pip don’t take my spot

Septhuitneuf: lol

Frankiephile: WHAT DID I FCKSJDKAS

TJ1: FRANKIE THREW HER PHONE THIS IS TOO MUCH

Sallymander: tj just wrapped a blanket around me and gave me a mug with turtles on it??? still warm??

Sallymander: need me a man like that

Septhuitneuf: I AM RIGHT HERE

Frankiephile: not for long fuckwad

Septhuitneuf: HWEATSSFDS

Ilovelucy: WHAT’S HAPPENING

Steveward: SAME I FEEL SO STRESSED

TJ2: francoise just sat on top of phillip, killing them instantly

Frankiephile: tj if u full name me one more mf time

Ilovelucy: IS PHIL FINE

Sallymander: yeah he’s just dramatic

Septhuitneuf: why do all people my age want me dead smh

TJ1: that seems like more of a you problem,,,

Frankiephile: yo did anyone bring food

TJ1: ,,,,

TJ2: ,,,,

Sallymander: ,,,,

Septhuitneuf: ,,,,

Frankiephile: TEARS IM STARVING

TJ1: I SAW YOU EATING A MUFFIN LIKE AN HOUR AGO IN CLASS

Frankiephile: S T A R V I N G

Steveward: YALL ARE A MESS

Steveward: I’M LITERALLY FIVE SECONDS AWAY FROM COMING OVER THERE I’LL STOP AT TACO BELL

Frankiephile: GOD SAVES SINNERS LIKE ME EVERY DAY

TJ2: THANK YOU ABUELA!!!

Steveward: I’M NOT YOUR ABUELA

Septhuitneuf: sure jan

Sallymander: bby i love you but that meme is so old

Septhuitneuf: but im so CUTE that it doesnt matter, right

Sallymander: well,,,

Septhuitneuf: AH

TJ1: PIP IS JUST??? CRYING???

Sallymander: frankie move so i can kiss my bf

Frankiephile: ew ok

Septhuitneuf: kiss: achieved

TJ1: u two are so cute i’m rioting???

Ilovelucy: sally and pip are forever goals

TJ2: i’m aro and even I think u are goals

Sallymander: STOP THIS AT ONCE

Septhuitneuf: CEASE

Steveward: what does everyone want from taco bell

Steveward: keep in mind if u say that dorito shit ur getting disowned

Ilovelucy: but??? its so good??

Steveward: my puerto rican blood just left my body in shock i’m not letting that shit in my house please and thank you

Frankiephile: ME ME ME EM EME ME ME M EM EM

Ilovelucy: FINE i want the gordita chruch

Frankiephile: the biggest fucking burrito they have

Septhuitneuf: a veggie burrito each for me and sal pls!!!

TJ2: just get me chips n cheese

TJ1: two spicy tostadas for me

TJ2: ,,,

TJ1: shut the fUCK UP THOMAS

TJ2: i didn’t say anything

Steveward: k i’ll be home in a few

Ilovelucy: not to be shady but aren’t you like on some diet together @pip and sal

Sallymander: UH yeah that’s why we got the ~veggie burrito~

Septhuitneuf: we ran an extra half mile today it’s good

Frankiephile: *shudders at the thought of moving more than five feet a day*

TJ1: GIRL SAME

Ilovelucy: i wouldn’t exercise if i had the choice but my entire industry is built of being at least kind of conventionally attractive so

TJ1: how is ur new role going by the way lucy!!

Ilovelucy: my first performance was two weeks ago and you ask now,,,

TJ1: LOOK

Ilovelucy: it’s going pretty good, except for the fact that i have to pretend to be madly in love with the man who was my father, so

Septhuitneuf: eewww GOD i would die if they made a musical about my dad

Sallymander: do you think they would talk about you in it?

Frankiephile: omg if phillip had a song about him no onw would be able to get in the room around his egotism

Septhuitneuf: PLEASE

Ilovelucy: honestly? the worst part is seeing the audience go “???,,,,oh” after i walk out on stage

Ilovelucy: NEWS FLASH KIDDOS THIS MARTHA JEFFERSON IS A BLACK! WOMAN!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!

Septhuitneuf: I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS SHIT

TJ1: N O

Septhuitneuf: I’LL BREAK INTO THE THEATRE

Frankiephile: NOT AFTER LAST TIME

Sallymander: PLEASE PHILIP DNJKSJSDJF

Ilovelucy: IT’S UNNECESSARY I PROMISE

Septhuitneuf: F I N E

Ilovelucy: plus if you kill a guy you won’t be able to see me perform :/

Septhuitneuf: yes,,,bc i LOVE musicals about john adams,,,,,and thomas jefferson,,,, the two men who i was RAISED TO DESPISE

TJ2: hey franklin was cool tho

Frankiephile: he was lit before the word was invented

Septhuitneuf: nah that was the baron

Sallymander: who?

Septhuitneuf: lmao he was this Prussian guy??? He basically whipped the army into shape while also throwing fucking wi l d parties according to my dad

TJ1: YOUR DAD KNEW VON STEUBEN? MY LIFE ROLE MODEL? AND YOU NEGLECT TO TELL?

Septhuitneuf: yeah during the war and after

Septhuitneuf: this one intern of his? Charlie something? was looking for gay refuge with his boyfriend and my dad sent him to the baron

TJ1: I REMEMBER THAT

TJ1: MR JEFFERSON BROUGHT BURR TO EAT OR SOMETHING, IGNORED HIM THE ENTIRE TIME, BUT HE STILL GOT HOT GOSS

TJ1: “”CHARLIE”” WAS JOHN ADAMS’ K I D

Septhuitneuf: N O

Frankiephile: THE THINGS YOU MISS WHEN YOU LIVE IN ENGLAND JESUS

TJ2: THE FUCKING D R A M A

Ilovelucy: I’M SCREAMING SO MR ADAMS SENT HIS KID TO YOUR DAD TO TEACH HIM WORK ETHIC

Ilovelucy: NA D HE SEND S HIM TO THE FUCKING GAY MAN RESORT

Sallymander: NDSKFDSGJDNEIW

Sallymander: I R E M E M BE R THAT VAGUELY???

TJ2: I’M SCREAMGINDSSD

Ilovelucy: OKAY I’M OUTSIDE UR BUILDING CAN WE ALL STOP TEXTING EACHOTHER LIKE FIVE YEAR OLDS????

Septhuitneuf: BUT ED

Ilovelucy: HE’S DRIVING RN AND I’M COMING UP
Sallymander: SEE YOU SOON LOVE!!!!