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Off the Ice

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Victor Nikiforov, skating legend, wears black thongs. Guang-Hong knows that now, because one of them is draped over his forehead.

He's never thought about it before, but the problem with having someone else's underwear on you is that you can't see it. Getting rid of it means grabbing it blind. You could end up with a handful of inadvertent crotch contact if you touch the wrong part. The only way to know for sure is to actually look at the underpants while they're in your hand, and see what you're touching. And that seems kind of creepy, even if, under the circumstances, nobody's going to be paying attention to Guang-Hong inspecting a skating god's tiny, tiny underpants.

Guang-Hong's still paralyzed by confusion when Leo comes to the rescue, carefully plucking the itty-bitty scrap of fabric off his head with thumb and forefinger. He flicks them back towards Yuuri (they land on his dirty plate) which seems like the best choice all around. Victor is currently draped over Yuuri, nuzzling his ear, which suggests Yuuri is the best choice for somehow getting Victor back into the clothes, if he even wants to.

At least, the best choice compared to the other options. Phichit's clearly having the time of his life right now, snapping photos of the whole mess, Phichit's coach Celestino is dead to the world, and Leo looks about like Guang-Hong feels — namely, like he's developing a much deeper comprehension of the concept of TMI.

"You should have kept that," Phichit says, raising his voice to be heard over the ruckus of drunk, naked Victor, protesting Yuuri (he still doesn't sound really upset, though, or at least not upset like Victor's molesting him; more like Victor's being embarrassing) and other restaurant patrons, saying things like Is that man naked? And He looks kind of familiar. "Talk about a great souvenir!"

"I just wanted a selfie," he says, and it comes out a little whimpery. "Is this why you wanted a translator?"

"Kind of," Phichit begins, and then there's a yelp and a crash. It takes him a second to figure out what's happened, but Naked Victor has knocked over both Yuuri and Yuuri's chair, so Yuuri and Naked Victor are now on the floor — Victor's rear, as expected, looks like some kind of marble sculpture — and Phichit's ready with the camera. Guang Hong hears Leo take a shot, too.

Well, okay. Some things should probably be immortalized, even if they aren't going online.


Guang-Hong finally flees to the front of the restaurant, to apologize to the staff and call cabs for the drunks. When he gets back, Yuuri is still on the floor, but he's sitting up and he doesn't have Naked Victor on top of him. He's even persuaded Victor back into some clothes. Presumably the thong, too, since Guang-Hong doesn't see it anywhere. Phichit still looks like he's having way too much fun with this, but he and Leo get Celestino onto his feet, and Yuuri gets a clingy Victor moving too, so they can go to the front of the restaurant for their cabs and more apologies.

The apologies might be more believable if Phichit would stop cracking up, and if Victor would stop trying to get back out of his shirt, but Yuuri's good at grabbing Victor by the back of the head and shoving him into a deep bow — probably lots of practice, Guang-Hong thinks — and fortunately, the restaurant staff just want them gone as soon as the cabs arrive.

"Victor's paying for everything," Yuuri says, firmly, and fishes a wallet out of Victor's jacket pocket.

Guang-Hong, at this point, is just glad it's not his pants pocket.

"Yuuri, you're so mean," Victor slurs. He's resting his freaking head on Yuuri's shoulder. "Will you at least sleep with me tonight?"

Leo nearly chokes. Phichit's grinning broadly.

"Victor, let's worry about that back at the hotel."

"Wow," Phichit says.

"He means in the bed sense! Actual sleeping!" Yuuri's a little red-faced, but nowhere near like Guang-Hong would be. But then, he's older. And he and Phichit were roommates, so maybe Phichit already knows something? It'd be news to Guang-Hong if Yuuri is gay, but maybe he's only out to close friends.

"Okay," Phichit agrees, completely insincerely, but Yuuri just sighs and then thanks the man who brought him back the credit card.

There's something about the way he tucks the card back into the wallet, the wallet back into Victor's pocket — not shy or awkward at all. "Victor, come on, they need you to sign the receipt."

Phichit's whispering something to Leo, and Guang-Hong edges over closer to them. "I'll tell you later," Phichit says, to him, in an undertone. "Let's get these drunkards outside."


The cold air sure wakes Guang-Hong up, and it seems to make Victor more alert but no less goofy; Guang-Hong tries to help Yuuri stuff the living legend into a cab, but Victor is now clinging to Yuuri like a barnacle and while Yuuri doesn't seem to mind that, he also seems, for some reason, to be reluctant to just climb into the cab on top of Victor. Especially after Victor wraps his legs around him too. Eventually Phichit leaves Celestino propped against Leo and comes over to help, and Yuuri gets out of Victor's grasp and climbs in on the cab's other side. Guang-Hong gives the driver their hotel's address.

The window rolls down. "Thanks so much," Yuuri says. "Both of you. Leo too." Victor's head sinks into Yuuri's lap. Guang-Hong's not even surprised by that; what surprises him is the way Yuuri absently strokes his hair, like his hand's on auto-pilot. It feels weirdly intimate, like something he shouldn't even be seeing. He looks at Phichit instead.

"No problem," Phichit says cheerfully. "Sleep well together!"

"Not together," Yuuri groans. "I need to rest!"

Phichit must be in overload, but he keeps a straight face — which is probably more than Guang-Hong is managing — until their cab has pulled away.

"Wow," Phichit says again, with a laugh.

"So, um, you know Yuuri a lot better than I do..."

"He always had a real thing for Victor. Posters all over his room. I never really asked if it was a crush or just, y'know, hero worship."

"They seem awfully comfortable together for hero worship."

"Yeah," Phichit says, grinning. "Exactly. It's kind of nice to see. He was always really private, didn't talk about his feelings, hated hugging people... he liked a lot of personal space, you know? So if he and Victor are happy, good for them."

"Is it true he's skating in one of Victor's old costumes?" Guang-Hong's enough of a fanboy to know very well it's true, but maybe Phichit knows something more about it.

"Yep! He used to have a magazine photo of Victor in that costume on his wall, even. At first I thought it was kind of weird that he was doing this now that he's actually close to Victor, but now that I see them together, maybe not. Kind of seems like a boyfriend shirt thing."

It's Guang-Hong's turn to say "Wow." He hadn't even thought of it that way.

"Well, let's go pour Celestino into the cab before he freezes. And I should probably go with him."


"We'll see each other tomorrow, though!"

Celestino isn't difficult, at least, and once they've seen the second cab off, Guang-Hong can sink onto the bench outside the restaurant with a sigh. "That was exhausting," Leo agrees, though he's still standing.

Guang-Hong pulls out his phone, just to see what photos he did take. A few of Naked Victor in the middle of stripping — definitely NSFW, yikes, he wasn't even trying for that dick pic — and one of the crash.

"I'm not uploading anything," he says, just to reassure Leo.

"Right? No way." Leo sits down next to him. "Sorry about helping drag you here."

"It was... interesting. It was nice to see Phichit again."

"I don't know why he doesn't have your number."

"I might have been a little shy about giving it to him. When you really look up to somebody, you know..." Just like Yuuri was supposed to look up to Victor. How did you get from hanging posters on your wall to.... that?

"Oh yeah, totally." After a moment, Leo continues. "Look at it this way. Anyone can get a selfie with Victor if they catch him at the right time. He's supposed to be really approachable, you know, with fans and everything? So this was almost, like... special access."

"Mm," Guang-Hong says. He's not really that disappointed, and he's distracted, too, looking at the photo — which almost totally doesn't have any of Victor's sculpted ass in it. What it mostly has is Victor and Yuuri. Yuuri looks about like you'd expect someone who just got tackled out of his chair by his drunken naked skating god of a coach to look — surprised, mostly — but Victor's expression isn't nearly as goofy or out of it as Guang Hong would have expected.

He looks kind of like he's shooting a possessive glare at them all, in fact. And also like he might be trying to kiss Yuuri.

"Though not as special as Yuuri's," Leo adds.