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And then he wakes up...

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The last thing Jango sees is a purple blade, a perfect arc in the direction of his neck.

And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.

What the kriff….

He never has nightmares. Not like that, not so real. He can still feel the heat of the blade on his skin and he throws up a second time, dry heaving painfully, before getting out of bed.

Water. Alcohol. Not necessarily in that order. What a stupid dream, but only a stupid dream: he had probably eaten something bad on Coruscant yesterday, no need to spend too much time thinking of a dream, not matter how real it seemed.

By the little Gods, he will be happy when he can leave Kamino for good with Boba, and take bounties with no ties to Sith, kriffing Jedi, Separatists or the Republic. What he need is the simple thrill of the hunt, the perfect moment when his hand seizes the prize.

He doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night and finds peace only in the morning when his son wakes up and needs him. He pushes away all memories of this very strange dream, more real than some real days of real life.

Until the afternoon when the doorbells tinkles, and the red-haired Jedi from his dream smiles at him, a smile that doesn’t touch his grey eyes. He recognizes him, of course he recognizes him. He studied all he could find on the bodyguards the Order assigned to Amidala, but that doesn’t explain why the man is here, on the same day as he had the dream.

Jango keeps his calm. He didn’t become the best bounty hunter in the galaxy, violent worlds of the Outer rim included, by panicking every time something strange happens.

He smiles, stomps off his desire to poison the man, and takes Boba to Geonosis. The Jedi follows them.

Too many things are like in his dreams. When the Jedi, and the two they found in the factory, the Senator and the younger Jedi, are fated to die in the arena, he takes Boba to his ship and they leave.

It was a dream, only a dream, but his son is too young to make stupid choices and jeopardize his own life. Boba would be alone if the Jedi-with-the-purple-blade kills him.

It’s not enough, it's too late. The Slave I is ripped in the sky, a wreath of fire in the battle between the clones and the Geonosians, not even sure if he was really a target or just collateral damageThere's a fifty percent chance that he was killed by his own clones, how kriffing  ironic is that.

That time he dies with Boba.


And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.

What the kriffing kriff of all kriff….

Alcohol. Perhaps a pain killer for the headache that is trying to recreate a Kamino storm somewhere behind his eyes. And then a freaking explanation would be nice!!!

The Jedi. It’s probably because of the Jedi. After all, the Jedi are scouring the galaxy for him, because of his participation in the attempted murder of Senator Amidala. Is there some sort of side effect when Force users are turning every stone in the galaxy looking for you?

Kriffing Force-users, kriffing Force, kriffing Jedi. He won’t miss them when his clones kill every one of them.

He goes into his son’s room. The boy is sleeping, creating a very convincing imitation of a starfish, limbs everywhere. He will grow up without the menace of Jedi always thinking they know better, always putting their noses where they don’t belong, and thinking themselves better than everyone.

He awakens the boy gently and they leave in Slave I before the Jedi touches down on Kamino. Kenobi can’t follow him to Geonosis if Jango is not there, if Jango runs. They spend thirteen days on a job he wouldn’t have taken any other time, it's too easy. Boba is overjoyed to participate. It’s a good time, for both of them, his son makes him proud. The news of the war in the Core is not his problems, men in white armours on the holonet or not.

No strange dreams plague his nights, everything is normal again, and when he receives a message from Dooku he goes. It’s a bounty for a Separatist leader, a Kubaz idiot that thought secession and war were good ideas but is panicking when confronted with the harsh reality of things and trying to defect to the Republic. It’s the first time he kills clones, and he would be a liar if he pretended it didn't leave a bad taste in his mouth. He has his prize, when a Jedi vessel appears and cripples his engine. He kills two Knights, a human male with black hair and a green male Twi'lek, but he doesn’t have time for more: the female Tholothian Jedi takes his life.

His last thought is for Boba.


And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.

What the kriffing son of a Hutt is doing that to him….

When Kenobi comes, Jango tries to murder him.

It works as well as you can imagine: Jedi are a difficult breed to eliminate and he didn’t exactly have a great plan, not enough time to work on it and too much on his mind. Kenobi takes his hand in a swirl of his saber and then he takes Jango and his son to Coruscant.

Boba is trying so hard to pretend he’s not afraid but the Jedi don’t let them together.

-“Do you really want your son in prison with you?”

-“Better than with you.”

-“Contrary to the legends, Jedi don’t eat children. He will be with other children his age. I’m pretty sure he could make friends with the Initiates.”

Jango doesn’t even grace that with an answer. What sort of spice is Kenobi using???

When the red saber pierces his chest he’s happy the ginger Jedi didn’t give him a choice. Boba is safe in the Temple. For now. Until Order 66.

-“The Count offers his regrets but you know too much.” The pale woman says and the last thing Jango sees is the door exploding, and two guardians rushing into the room only to be cut down by the Sith.

And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.

Which kriffing god is playing with him. Kriff, kriff, KRIFF….

When Kenobi comes, Jango opens the door, smiles.

-“Do you want a drink?”

For the first time he sees a Jedi lost for words, but it’s not a sweet victory; he’s too preoccupied.

Whatever is happening it needs to stop before he loses his mind. More importantly, it needs to stop with him and Boba alive. They sip at their drink in silence. Jango is calculating every possible move in his head, painfully aware he lacks a good part of the equation. And Kenobi…who knows what Jedi think?

So he lies. Partially. He speaks of being approached to become the template for the clones, speaks of Sifo-Dyas, and speaks of an army for the Republic.

All truths, because Force users have the detestable habit to know when you lie.

But the other truths, Tyrannus, Order 66, the Sith, those he keeps.

Kenobi smiles, perhaps not entirely convinced but pleased by his cooperation. They go back to Coruscant and the bounty hunter spends a few very awkward meetings with officials. Kenobi is with him every step of the way.

He’s way more bearable when he doesn’t try to cut you into a Bantha Carpaccio with his kriffing magic sword. When he lets himself have a drink, he's even capable of a dry humour, cynical and sarcastic, one that Jango could grow to like. That doesn’t mean Jango feels guilty forty days later, when he uses this beginning of trust between them to lead him into a trap, according to Dooku orders. He starts feeling uncomfortable when he meets Tyrannus’ new apprentice, the pale woman who killed him in one of his dreams. 

She doesn’t give Kenobi a clean death. It’s messy and drawn out. Kenobi doesn’t give her more than his name. He doesn’t look at Jango once.

The Grand Army of the Republic is two days late. The younger Jedi, the one that Kenobi taught, is the one who finds the body and something like his sanity snaps. He kills Dooku, his apprentice, and Jango next, with the slightly vexing feeling, even under these circumstances that he’s only an afterthought. He dies, choking on blood, not knowing what happened to Boba.

And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.


When Kenobi comes, he’s long gone.

Since the universe mocks him he and Boba go to Tattooine to hide. It’s the worst fate since the beginning of this farce; killed by Skywalker on the suspicion that Jango killed his kriffing mother, just because they were on the same planet when the woman died!!

And then he wakes up…..


He tries to tell everything to Dooku. If this is a Jedi curse the Sith should know what to do. It’s even worse, it’s a nightmare, something that shouldn’t even be possible. Dooku’s master is fascinated and experiments on them. After all Boba is his clone, the only one without modifications, if it’s genetic….

Jango begs for the first time in every life and he would degrade himself in every way for a chance to save his son, but the Sith doesn’t listen. Boba dies after a few months but his father doesn’t get that chance. Two years after someone, probably the Republic, raids the compound where he’s held prisoner and he dies in a fire.


And then he wakes up…..

When Kenobi comes, Jango is already drunk and doesn’t offer resistance when the Jedi takes him and Boba to Coruscant. Not offering resistance but not talking, and he has difficulties keeping his food down with the memories plaguing him, both awake and asleep. He has suspicions that one of his Jedi interrogators is a soul healer. He slips from his guards one night and he and Boba disappear. The galaxy descends into war and for the first time Jango sees the birth of the Empire. This a place where you can make money but not a good one. They don’t have a lot of time; the Empire new enforcer, the shadow named Vader, tracks them. Jango knows too much and the Emperor doesn’t want loose ends.

Jango dies while telling Boba to run.

And then he wakes up…..

He tries to run, a dozen times, a dozen ways, a dozen planets.

And then he wakes up…..

He tries to kill all those who killed him in one of his dreams, but soon he’s in prison as a mass murderer. He’s killed escaping.

And then he wakes up…..

Soon he’s not sure how many times it has happened, how many times he tried, and failed. He tries, and he kills, sometimes Jedi, sometimes Sith. He allies with the Republic, with the Separatists, with pirates once or twice. With Satine kriffing Kryze.

Every time something goes wrong. In the first day, the first month, the first year… Five years is the most he survives and he can’t even consider it a good run because he survives Boba!

And then he wakes up…..

He fucks Kenobi the first time on Mustafar….perhaps the fortieth universe, or time, or whatever, since this nightmare began.

He fucks him, there is no other word for it; it’s crude, not even really satisfying, with half their clothes on, blood on their teeth, and the galaxy burning around them. The ashes on Kenobi’s hair make him look older and he seems possessed. They fuck, because the galaxy is lost, Boba is dead, all the Jedi are dying and they’re stuck on Mustafar without a ship, waiting for Sidious or Vader.

Kenobi dies just before him that time.

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

His sanity is cracking. He has difficulty remembering what he learned in which time and is answering questions too soon. So soon in fact that the Healers once test his midichlorians! He apparently has a Force-sensitivity lower than that of a womp rat, but to be honest he prefers it like that.

In his interactions with people, this is also a problem. The face Proper-Jedi-Master-Kenobi makes when he puts his hand on his ass without really thinking, in a universe when they are not sleeping together is worth the lecture. Apparently “But it’s such a nice one.” is an uncivilized answer.

Still. It’s a very nice one and Jango spends a few last nights before death putting all his attention to its study, on Mustafar, on Coruscant, on Naboo once, the world burning and crumbling to ruins around them.

He kills and he dies and he wakes up. For the fun of it, or perhaps because he’s turning crazy, he tries to seduce a member of the Jedi council per universe. It doesn’t really work. Kenobi is still the only one that lets himself be convinced and only when his entire world is dead.

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

He steals, he cheats, he destroys, he blackmails, he kills. It’s never enough.

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

After a time, he stops murdering Jedi. He allied himself with them too many times, he’s beginning to get attached. That problem never comes with the Separatists.

A few time-loop after that, he systematically tries to stop Order 66. He has searched the devastated Jedi temple too many times. The dead children are less hypothetic when he has too examine them, searching for his son who's supposed to be safe in the temple.

And then he wakes up…..

And then he wakes up…..

He’s eying his blaster a little too much but he's never the cause of the waking up-in-Kamino-again.

-“Run away with me.” He says to Kenobi once.

-“Run away with me and Boba.” They’re not sleeping together, they have only the beginning of a friendship and Obi-Wan is looking at him like Jango had announced his desire to fly without a ship.

-“You would be a good father.” He finishes, a little lamely.

-“Anakin would surely insist you’re in the wrong, my friend. I can’t even begin to count the number of time he has lamented I was an inadequate guardian and his mother…”

-“Kriff. Kriff, what a kriffing idiot I am. His kriffing mother!”

-“Jango, are you sure you’re feeling well?” Kenobi asks, stupefied. He doesn’t answer, gets around the little table where the tea is infusing and the datapads bursting with rapports.

-“I’m perfectly well and your convoluted Negotiator mind is a kriffing gift, even when you’re not trying. I’m gonna kiss you in two seconds, if you have no objection. And don’t say the Code, I have this idea we won’t live long enough for it to become a problem.”

It’s the first time he takes Kenobi to bed, the first time Skywalker is not already Vader when his ex-master lets himself be seduced. It’s better than against a wall or on a table like they did in the apocalyptic universes where the Jedi had lost all hope.

In fact better doesn’t even begin to cover it. Obi-Wan is strangely hesitant and confesses the moment to be his first time, when asked. Jango is feeling retrospectively guilty for all the previous occasions where the introduction to sex to the man were of the We’re-already-dead-and-grief-makes-us-violent-and-we-don’t-have-lube sort.

Should he feel guilty because they've already slept together and Obi-Wan can’t remember it? He doesn’t have the energy but he spends the next days, before their ship is burning out of the sky, courtesy of a Separatist super weapon, doing his best to be the most considerate lover that ever was in this universe.

And then he wakes up, rolls over the side of the bed, and promptly throws up everything he has eaten since he was a teenager. He needs a few minutes before he can turn his attention towards the room enough to recognize Kamino and his bedroom.

Boba is not even totally dressed when the Slave I takes off. The mother. How could he not think of the mother? In every universe where they succeed in killing Dooku and/or Sidious, things still were lost because of Vader.

No Vader would be a good first step. This overgrown idiot will not stray from the Jedi path this time, even if Jango has to breathe down his neck for the next ten years!

He kills three Tusken warriors but Shmi Skywalker survives. Point one to him. One less chance for this stupid kid to become Vader. Boba tries to pretend he’s not crying when his father leaves him with the Lars and goes to Kamino. Obi-Wan is there of course, wet and smiling like Jango is a suspicious stranger. Technically he is, again, but he needs an ally. Or perhaps he’s just getting attached. He eye-fucks the Jedi so hard that the future Negotiator blushes. There are some delightful advantages to him being ginger.

Jango brings him to Geonosis but it’s different when Dooku is not waiting for them, different when Jango knows the place so well he could retrace every path of it in his sleep.

He’s killed three times returning to Kamino, running to Tatooine, and then Geonosis, before he survives and the Count does not.

Kenobi loses his left hand but just after that Jango’s blaster riffle nails Dooku between the eyes.

The Jedi are not really happy, speaking of proof and investigations. Jango reveals he was tortured by Dooku and his words ring true in the Force, enough to shut them up for a time. They don't need to know it was in a different time loop. He says he wants to help and he radiates truth. They don't need to know he wants to help because he hates Sidious more than Yoda, because he wants Kenobi, because if he never wakes up on Kamino again he could die happy.

Naboo is delicious this time of year. Jango cockblocks Skywalker every chance he gets, just because he can. The handmaiden spoils Boba. Kenobi is getting used to his prosthesis and still slightly curious about what exactly Jango is doing there.

-“You’re the only Force user I trust.”

-“Technically true, but more complicated” Obi-Wan answers, observing him. He doesn’t pry, but he's slightly awkward. He probably thinks what Jango is disguising is his attraction towards him.

Jedi. Talk to them about sex and they lose all their critical thinking.

Jango is not even trying to pretend he’s not attracted to Obi-Wan! He remembers those few days in one of the last universes and he wants more. He could make charts of the things he wants to introduce the ginger Jedi to. He’s not really into virgins, too much work for what's usually not really great sex, but every rule has an exception.

He wants Kenobi. Perhaps not forever, “forever” is not something Jango imagines he could want, but he wants Kenobi, if only for a time, and no war, Sith, other Jedi.

The answer comes in the Festival of Light. He’s trying to see if Kenobi will let Jango put his hand on his knee, or if he'll go all proper Jedi on him, when the Chancellor enters the plaza. Perhaps it’s because of the shadow? Perhaps because of a gift given by nonexistant Gods?

This time he recognizes the being that tortured them, him and Boba, in the name of experimentation.

-“Jango, Jango!!”


-“No need to bark. It’s the tenth time I call your name and you’re looking awfully pale. Do you need a medic?”

-“No, I need your kriffing council and all the Masters you have. But not the clones, I will explain later.”

What’s strange is that the minute he tells them “Palpatine is a Sith”, it’s like a shadow is lifted from their eyes. Not one of them try to discuss it.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy. Yoda is killed, and so is Gallia, and by the gods he liked her, and Plo Koon and Fisto….The trick with the rifle that killed Dooku doesn’t work this time and Billaba loses her eyes.

And then Kenobi is almost killed and Jango does something stupid, something he wouldn’t even have imagined, something no bounty hunter would ever do. He puts himself between the Jedi on the floor and the Sith, blasters shooting.

When he’s on the floor too he has time to see Skywalker taking Sidious’ head and to think that he liked that time loop, it’s too bad he….too bad he….


-“You’re a kriffing idiot.”

He opens an eye with great difficulty. Kenobi is glaring at him.

He opens his other eye. They’re in the Healers hall, in the Jedi Temple. Not on Kamino. He could weep.

-“Boba?” he croaks.

-“Your son is fine, Dormé and Sabé are giving him too many sweets and teaching him how to kill a man with a hairpin. But you, you’re in trouble. What did you imagine would happen putting yourself between two Force users?”

He falls asleep between two words of the rant, smiling.

Five days later, Slave I takes the scenic route going back to Naboo, and on the too narrow bunk he’s teaching the joys of sex to Obi-Wan again.

He has a feeling that this time will be the last first time.

-“Why are you smiling? This is not the reaction I hoped for.” Obi-Wan confesses in a middle of an experiment with his prosthesis. The blush is everywhere and a little bruise is forming on his shoulder from a bite, something that Jango has every intention to do again for the noise Obi-Wan made.

-“Because I’m alive and you’re naked.” Jango answers and it’s the truth.

The next morning, he wakes up cold because his lover steals the cover and he could kiss him because this is uncomfortable, the bunk really is too small for two grown men, the Jedi is snoring and this NOT like Kamino.

So he kisses him.

They’re terribly late to Naboo.