“It's been over a year Laura.”
“I don't care. I am a writer, not some gay spokesperson” the blonde girl said avoiding making eye contact with her PA. The trouble was she knew there was a point to what the women was saying.
“Look I am going to set up a date just so people see you haven’t died” the women spoke with fire and passion, but there was a soft, caring side to the voice that almost made Laura want to go along with the absurd plan.
“Seriously why can’t I just be a young hip cool writer living in New York.”
“Do you really need me to explain why your not hip or cool?” My PA said back to me. She did kind of have a point Laura thought to herself. Laura had successfully written two best sellers before her 25 birthday. She denied they were based around and true events but rumours had quickly been sparked that they explain the love, loss and heartbreak of not only her Mother walking out but also her first love in college. Her books spoke to readers and spoke to the heart. It showed the world another side to the average teenage journalism student and not tooting her own horn but they both made it onto the bestsellers lists, they had also given her a name and a platform. But Laura didn’t want a name and a platform she just wanted to sit in her own bedroom in her Dads house with headphones on listening to unheard of indie bands writing whatever trash wept through her fingertips. When the first book was released, Danny was on the scene. Danny gave Laura’s life chaos and competition yet something about Danny always felt safe to the innocent blonde girl. Something about Danny always made Laura feel loved and wanted even in the heat of the biggest arguments. But, the trouble with chaos is that chaos never ends well no matter how organised It may have seemed at the beginning.
Much like Danny. Their relationship went up in chaos and gave Laura the motivation to write her second book that was released eight months previous to the conversation with her PA. But it had been over a year since Danny. Over a year since that one argument made Laura walk away, yet it felt like a lifetime ago. It kind of was. It had been s long time since the poor girl had genuinely laughed. It wasn’t that Danny was a horrible person, but she was toxic. The kind of toxic like alcohol. The type where you know its killings you but it's all nice to start with. It starts off fantastic until you end up curling up on the floor In tears. Looking back she realised that Danny had the exact same effect as Vodka. Good until it wasn’t anymore. The blonde writer had never spoke publicly about the breakup but Danny who was a semi-professional runner had thrown up some shade as the tabloids put it. That's where the 2nd book came from no matter how much Laura wanted to convince herself it didn’t.
Laura couldn't help but zone out and remember Danny as much as she had spent the last year trying to forget the yelling still wouldn’t leave her mind, in the darkest hours thinking back to that argument made the usually happy girl never want to leave her room. Even though Danny was strong, she never argued with her fists but her words packed a powerful punch knocking Laura down time and time again. Carefully spoke, without drama, her words had a vibe of finality to them and no matter how hard Laura tried to forget them, nothing would get them permanently out of her mind.
"I come home and all you have done is lounge around in that horrible yellow dress doing nothing Laura!" At first, Laura was taken back by the person she loved but she was beginning to get used to not being greeted with a kiss like before but a rant, but a dig at what she did, a dig at what paid the bills. At first, Laura didn’t say anything. She had slowly turned into a shell when Danny yelled.
"I am a good writer! I pay the bills while you run around a track day in day out." Laura spoke in fear but was glad she finally said something she had spent so many days not opening her mouth just trying to smile and writing her words down on papers. The trouble was Laura knew the truth. She knew what Danny was hiding she just didn’t have the guts to say it out loud. Laud had had a bag packed in her wardrobe for weeks, enough that she could go to Laf and Perry's and not have to return, at least not at first but the bag just sat there while she tried everything she could to ignore the toxic waste around her.
"I'm going for a shower," Danny said like she always did after a late practice with Maya. Laura had never met this Maya girl, but she was always the reason that Danny came home late. Always. Danny tried to go over to Laura as she always did during a spat, she tried to hold Laura and kiss her on the forehead. That was all Danny needed to do, and Laura would be back under the spell of the ginger giant. Laura could never hide innocence and fear, not when she and Danny were alone, not when Danny was yelling. The trouble was everyone saw Danny as a soft giant. Laura's over protective father called Danny a 'good egg' he trusted Danny. Sherman Hollis trusted Danny to keep his daughter safe.
"Don’t touch me!" Laura suddenly burst. Just a few words but they brought tears to Laura as she spoke. She never thought this would be the end but all of a sudden this wasn’t just another argument. She knew this was it. This was where she walked away.
"Your kidding right?" Danny snapped, her voice had begun to shake as her Eyes met Laura for the last time.
"No, Danny, I'm done. You cheated on me and expected me to be okay; you yell at me like I do nothing all day like I am hiding something when it's you. You’re the liar. I'm done" Words flew from her mouth that she never thought she'd even think, let alone say out loud. She knew instantly from the look in his eyes that they'd hit their mark. In that instant their relationship shattered into glassy shards. Nothing would ever be the same again. Laura turned away slowly walking to the bedroom, trying to hide the sadness in her eyes. Danny never denied cheating she didn’t do anything. She didn’t know how long Laura had known for or is Laura really knew at all; she just didn’t know.
"Laura..." Danny gulped down a sob and tried to keep her composure as Laura returns from the bedroom with a bag and walks away.
"You will regret this Laura. I am the best thing you ever had" Danny was yelling, but the tears were clear, her heart wasn’t breaking like Laura's though. Laura's was breaking into tiny little pieces; tears of regret were clouding her vision as much as she tried to push them away. She desperately wanted to turn back around but she couldn’t be that scared girl anymore.
Danny wanted to erase her mistakes, start over fresh. She wanted Laura but that wasn’t going happen again. Danny had told herself she knew what she was doing. She had convinced herself that Laura would always be there and watching that person walk away broke Danny but not like it broke the writer.
After she had written the book that totally wasn't about Danny but was subtext all about Danny and that mess she had to write a blurb, it was meant to sum up the story. To make the reader feel all the emotions that are inside the novel her publisher kept telling Laura as she stared blankly at the back of the 1st copy of her hardback book. On the train home staring out the window Laura saw the shadow of ginger hair stood up on the busy train. Laura had got on at the start, so a seat was safely hers. The ginger giant didn't notice the writer, but Laura saw her.
Danny avoided Laura's eye. The author was unsure on whether that was because Danny didn't see her off because Danny wanted to pretend that she didn't. Laura couldn't help but want to study her Ex's features and how they have changed in the 14 months since the last time she saw that very face. Laura couldn't help but wonder if when she looked away Danny would do the same.
She wondered if Danny noticed the 4 and a half inches she had cut off her hair. Laura internally started panic debating whether it would strike Danny that she wore more makeup now, and she pondered whether Danny would question why that would be. Laura couldn't help but think about her change in style; she had adapted since the day she walked away. Laura hoped she looked better now. She hoped that she looked stronger, happier and like independant women.
Holding back the tears she found the courage to look away. She looked down at the emptiness on the hardback book she scribbled down with a black fine liner on the back of the pure white cover 'Some people are going to come into your life and they’re going to make you really happy at first. But, slowly like a storm creeping in they’re going to make you feel bad about everything you feel, say, or do. You’ll never be right about anything and with those people you’ll never win. The only way to win is to step back, realise you’re better than their shit, that if they actually wanted you they’d still be there, that you don’t need their games, and move the f**k on. Once they lose their hold, they lose the game.'
She didn't cry as the words lay slanted and messy across the back of her book. Those few sentences did everything they were told to do. They showed emotion and loss and the real reason behind all the words on those 200 pages.
Now when you go passed the book called ' The Lost Goodbyes By Laura Hollis' you are treated to a blurb written on her lap on a busy train. But, she is proud.
Laura rolled her eyes before asking the question that she really wanted to know “fine. Who even is she?”
SJ her PA looked at her in almost complete shock. Was Laura really agreeing to all this? Apparently so!
“What! I need to stalk her a bit” Laura continued shrugging her shoulders casually trying to pretend that she was completely cool with the whole situation.
“Carmella Karnstein” SJ replied bluntly. Trying to hide her excitement that Laura had even considered this whole date situation. The poor PA thought she was going to have to ask Laura at least a dozen times and even then give her some reason to go.
“She’s the daughter of ‘The Dean'” she continued putting air quotations around the dean part. The Dean was an on screen judge. The Canadian equivalent of Judge Judy. The Dean was all she was known as, apparently her on-screen persona wasn’t on screen but just the women’s personality which if so made Laura feel very sorry for anyone that had to spend time around the women.
“My dad isn’t going to like that” was all Laura could reply. She wasn’t sure what else to say. Having never heard of this Carmilla girl she didn’t have much to go on plus even if she did there was no way of her backing out of it now. No matter how many times she lied and told them she was ill, she knew that SJ would hold her to it. Most people knew of The Dean, her loud mouth and unique law decision. If Laura’s knowledge served her correctly then The Dean (or at least the TV judge she was thinking off) had a law degree and was well trained before becoming ‘The Dean’.
“So next Tuesday. The steak place on West walk. 7 o’clock.” All Laura could do was roll her eyes. Of course, it had already been booked. It was the middle of November, and she wanted nothing more than to snuggle up in her bed and read whatever trash she could get her hands on but no she was really going to have to leave her apartment for something other than hot chocolate.