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Choose Me

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The weather was beginning to break. The scorching heat of the summer had been fading into the crisp air that brought the nip back to London. I had been donning my great coat more and more in the last few weeks, only needing to take it off during the hottest hours at midday. Wretched pumpkins with faces, scarecrows, bales of hay and pumpkin spice everything were popping up everywhere. It was dreadful, all except the ability to wear my coat and hide away from people better. Oh and John’s jumpers were making a comeback, that was always a good thing. Why couldn’t I wear my great coat all the time and John his jumpers? Why couldn’t everyone stay the same? I hated when it changed. I hated the change in John’s girlfriends, even a few boyfriends, every few months even more so. John being bisexual was nothing new to me, I had deduced it the very first night at Angelo’s, he was determined that he wasn’t though, he had this preconceived notion about himself, I assume that is why he always went with ‘I’m not gay’ and not ‘We’re not together’. Nearly two years had passed since Mary died at the hands of Sebastian Moran, who had also leaked the video of Moriarty that saved my life. The baby that she was caring was no more than padding, and a good act of a pregnant woman. She had been sterilised when she became an assassin, much like the red headed woman in those superhero movies John drags me to watch.

I never understood why John went back to dating after Mary died. I know he missed life in 221B. His first few dates were tolerable in that he was sticking with his straight persona, but after the first guy, Alex, I began to despair. I had every thought that if he gave up his façade of being completely straight, he would then turn to me. After all I had laid me feelings bare time and time again. I was simply waiting for him. When he brought Alex back to the flat for the first time, I couldn’t stand it. I had to flee, claiming Lestrade had called. John had asked if I needed him, I had told him no. When I returned a few hours later, they were upstairs and I could here every moan, bedspring creak, and John praising Alex’s name. I fled again, not returning until seven the next morning only to see the domesticity of John and Alex making breakfast together, they asked if I wanted to join, I had just pressed past them on the way to my room, not emerging until I heard John leave for work. I stretched out on the couch and retreated to my mind palace to see why John didn’t love me back. It wasn’t because of my anatomy; perhaps I was too much of a freak, maybe I was too annoying.

John had come home asking me if I had moved and informed me that since the next day was Saturday he would be spending the night at Alex’s and the next day. I was able to keep the tears at bay until he was gone. Mrs. Hudson had come to check on me later in the evening and was able to see the tears. She coo’d of course, saying that I was too good for John since he had decided to play with my heart the way that he did. She had said that anyone with a brain could have heard me telling John of my love at his wedding. She coaxed me out of the flat to take her out to dinner. That was the night I had decided to divorce myself from my feelings for John. Unfortunately it did not work. It only lasted as long as the weekend, because once John returned home on Sunday he announced that he and Alex weren’t seeing each other anymore.

If only it had stopped there. Soon he was on to the next man, woman, man, man, woman, woman. His last girlfriend Carol had shouted at John after he had taken her up, and quickly ran back down throwing her coat on. John refused to talk about it. I didn’t pry, I knew I hadn’t interfered so I didn’t bother. It had been a few weeks since she had left and John was getting antsy.

It was Friday and I knew he would be going out to find someone tonight; we had stayed in together last weekend, and decided that I would too. It had been years since I slept with anyone, and I knew people found me physically attractive. I was wasting my energy waiting for John, I knew I wouldn’t find love, but I could find release. I could bring someone back here and have them fuck me into the mattress.

When I got back to the flat John was on his way out, stating that he was going for a pint with Mike. When he left, I went to my room and decided to pull out my old jeans. They still fit like a glove showing off my ample arse. I chose my tightest black t-shirt and laid them both on my bed before heading into the bathroom for a shower and shave. I came out and dried my hair and styled it just right. I applied the black eyeliner I had picked up on the way home and dressed myself. I jogged down the stairs grabbing my wallet yelling at Mrs. Hudson that I would be late. I headed out into the crisp London air without my coat, knowing it would only get in the way when I had to take it off to dance and mingle, and hailed a taxi. I gave him the address of my favorite club and hoped that it hadn’t changed too much.

When the taxi stopped I climbed out paying the cabbie. I immediately recognized the bouncer, I was walking up to him, bypassing the line to get in, he shouted for me to come to the front and lifted the rope for me to get in. I walked in and my senses hit a wall. I could smell the alcohol, fruit mixers, and stale sweat, heard popular trendy music and so many voices, saw bodies intertwined together dancing in tandem, and felt the sweat start to bead on my skin. I walked to the bar to open my tab and order my first drink. I sat there sipping my mojito scanning the crowd. It was a popular gay club, so couples were as such. I saw men scanning me up and down, even some of the women. When I was finished I decided that I would just dance by myself and see who would come and help themselves.

****JOHN****

I told Sherlock that I was going out for a pint with Mike and I did; only I left out that I would be going to a club afterwards. It had been weeks since I had sex further than a handjob. Most women shirked at the sight of my endowment. I had met few women that would actually let me go all the way, Mary had been one and even she only allowed it only a few times, the rest it was mutual oral and handjobs. Most had been content with using their mouths and hands to get me off, occasionally letting me thrust between their thighs. The men had been a little different. James had been the only man before Mary, and he always topped. When I started dating men after Mary died, I bottomed during penetrative sex, mainly sticking with frottage. Alex didn’t like that and told me that he had been a strict bottom all his life only topping the night I took him home, and I did top during the weekend I spent with him, but I could tell he didn’t enjoy it. I broke it off and tried to find someone else.
When Carol ran out a couple weeks ago yelling I wasn’t getting that monster of a cock anywhere near her, I was sort of relieved. I didn’t really like her, I just wanted to get my rocks off. I had decided that if I wanted to have sex tonight, it would have to be with a man and I would have to bottom, so I went to a popular gay club. I hadn’t been there before, but Harry recommended it. She asked me why I had wanted to know, after all I had a sexy beast for a flat mate who would probably love to fuck me. I had politely told her to fuck off and that he wasn’t interested in that sort of stuff. He didn’t give into the desires of the body and certainly didn’t want a relationship. I couldn’t have sex with the man I was desperately in love with and pretend that I didn’t love him for the sake of our friendship.

It was already starting to fill up as I arrived. The line was moving quickly though, the bouncer only letting a few random people skip the line. I saw him. I looked up and there was Sherlock bleeding Holmes stalking out of a cab and sauntering up to the bouncer looking like sex itself. He and the bouncer exchanged a smile and he went in. He must have been working a case. I followed the line until it was my turn to head in. I immediately knew why Harry had recommended it and why it was so popular. I started to scan the crowd looking for my flat mate. When my eyes finally found his form, my blood began to boil. He was dancing. With two other men. Grinding against them without abandon.

***SHERLOCK***

I was letting my body enjoy the music when two men approached. They were my type, muscular, ex military, and shorter than myself. The taller of the two came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips whispering ‘hello beautiful’ in my ear before grinding his pelvis into my arse and swaying with me. The other one came to my front and took my arms to rest on his shoulders and placed his hands just above the other pair our chest touching. We were moving in tandem, enjoying the music for a while before the one behind me stopped and pulled away with a mumble.

“I believe that you will find that this one is already taken.” Came a familiar voice.

“What do you mean taken, he was dancing by himself and certainly didn’t argue when we approached him.” The one to his front stated.

“Yes, well I hadn’t made my mind up yet. But I just have now please leave.” John replied.

The men went to argue but John’s face wasn’t one to mess with. They left me standing there, just looking at John. “What the hell John? Can I not dance?” I was beyond angry, how dare John try to show his dominance here? Why was he trying to control my life? “Now every guy worth a damn in this place saw that little display. Thanks ever so much.”
“Didn’t mean to interrupt your case, those guys were all over you. I was just trying to protect you.” John replied.

“What case?” What the hell had John been talking about? “And I can take care of myself.”

“Sherlock, Just come and sit, we can talk.”

“Sod that, I’m going home, I won’t get what I came here to get anyway.” I declared before heading to the bar and letting them know I was leaving and to charge the single drink to my card and left finding the first cab and giving my address. When the taxi arrived, I threw the fair at the cabbie and burst into the flat startling Mrs. Hudson who was dusting in the hall.

“I thought you would be out late.”

“Yea well, John decided that I wouldn’t.” I left it at that and ran upstairs to wash the smell of other bodies and the club off my skin, my cock as flaccid as ever.

****JOHN****

Sherlock all but fled the club, stopping to settle his tab and flying out the door, I just stood there wanting to know what I had just witnessed. I decided that sex would have to wait, and followed Sherlock into the night. He was already gone, probably already in a cab. I found one quickly enough and gave him my address. When I arrived, Mrs. Hudson was in the main hall dusting. She walked up to me and smacked me across my face. I just stood there in shock, wondering what tonight had become.

“You Dr. Watson, should be ashamed of yourself. Parading date after date in front of the man that loves you above anything else in this world, who puts your happiness above his own, even above his own life. Yet when he decides that he going to try his foot in the dating scene, you have to go and mess it up.”

“I, what?” I didn’t even know where to begin, what was she saying, did Sherlock love me? Was he trying to get a date tonight? “Sherlock doesn’t do things like that.”

“Oh yes he does, he proclaimed his love for you at your wedding. The first night after you brought a guy home, I took him out for dinner, hoping that if I was with him, he wouldn’t leave and fall into bad habits. He told me how much it hurt just to see you with women after Mary, after everything, but when you brought the man, he was devastated. He knew then that you didn’t love him back. And then I watch you time after time, bringing someone new in, eating away at that man that died to protect us.”

“Died to protect us, Mrs. Hudson what are.”

“Shut up, you go upstairs and apologise to him, before he turns to the box under his bed.”

I nodded and climbed the steps. What had Mrs. Hudson been talking about?

****SHERLOCK****

I had gotten out of the shower and simply threw on some pajama bottoms and dressing gown and went to lay on the sofa when John came through the door. I promptly turned my back on him, I knew it was childish but he had been so at the club, trying to claim what he didn’t want. That had hurt the most, knowing John didn’t want him, but also didn’t want him to have a relationship either.

“I’ll just make some tea.” John had said. I simply replied with a grunt.

I heard him puttering around in the kitchen for a bit, then he came in and sat on the coffee table and place my mug down. “I think we need to talk.” He said.

“There is nothing to talk about John, you simply feel that I do not deserve happiness, not even sex. That’s fine maybe I don’t, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t interfere again. If you hadn’t noticed I stopped interfering with your dates.”

“Sherlock please.”

With that, pleading in his voice, I couldn’t stand it anymore, all the desires I had kept pent up, all the frustrations, all the hurt and pain I had endured for and at the hands of the man I loved, I snapped. “Please! Please what John? I don’t understand you. I lay down my life for you, I killed so you could be happy, I died for you twice. Twice John. The first time because there was a sniper trained on you if I didn’t jump, the second, because I refused to deduce that your wife was a psychopath so you could be happy. I proclaim my love for you time and time again. I was tortured and beaten in Serbia for you, I came back with fresh wounds and stitches on my back and I let you throw me on the my back to the ground because I felt like I deserved it. I had thought when you were finished mourning your late wife that you may actually come to me. Love me, choose me. But you began dating, it hurt, but not as much as when you started dating men. Then I knew it was simply me, not that I was a man. But you know what John, I am done. I have to let you go, because the emptiness is eating away at me. If I don’t let you go, then I will disappoint you.” I was breathless after my tirade. I looked at John; his face was pained, like I had actually hit him.

“I’m sorry Sherlock, I had no idea.”

“What?”

“I had no idea, that you felt that way. I was and am utterly in love with you. I thought, you didn’t do things like that, love, relationships and sex. That’s why I was trying to protect you, so those men wouldn’t take advantage of you.”

“Say it again.” I couldn’t believe what he just said.

“What that I love you?” I nodded. “I love you, I am so sorry, I was blinded by thinking you didn’t feel the same.” He leaned in as I set up, our faces only centimeters apart.

“I had given up on love, I had been hurt so many times, until you limped into the lab that day. I had hoped, but you weren’t gay, I had deduced that you were bisexual, but I didn’t say anything for fear of you leaving. So that night I simply said I was married to my work just because I had expected you to be no different than anyone else I had ever met.” I explained. “And as to protecting me, I am no blushing virgin. It just has been a while.”

“I shouldn’t have projected myself as such, but my god, here we, together, knowing that we love each other. What shall we do with that?” John had lifted his hand and placed it in my curls.

“We kiss.” I said as I closed the gap between our lips and devoured his.

Chapter Text

***JOHN***

We parted after what seemed like years. And it surely felt like years, it had been years of longing on both parts. I stood from the coffee table pulling Sherlock to his feet at the same time. Sherlock was whispering “Please, never another person, I love you too much and it would kill me.”

“Never again Sherlock, I couldn’t if I wanted to. How can I show you that I am not going anywhere?”

“Make love to me John. I’ve never had that, someone caring about me, someone I loved with all my heart, around me, in me, caring if I came or not. What I’ve had before was just quick fucks to get off, never with the same person, never with someone who cared. I never made love.”

“Okay, we’ll go to your room.” I started to say, worried that this would all be over before it began, once the love of my life saw the size of what he would be working with. Sherlock interrupted.

“Our room.”

“Yes of course, let’s go.” We began to move, slowly, teasing kisses and hand brushes along the way, slowly losing articles of clothing that no doubt I would have to come back out and pick up come morning.

****SHERLOCK****

When we finally made it to my, our, room, we were both only in our pants, both in an equal state of arousal if the rather large bulge in John’s pants was anything to go by. I had deduced early on that he was well endowed. Had that been why Carol had left the way she had, it couldn’t be could it? Didn’t women enjoy large cocks? I certainly did, in the past whenever I would bottom, which was my preference, I always went for the men who I deduced had a larger than average one. But what was nestled in John’s pants was quickly becoming the biggest one I had actually ever laid eyes on. He sat me down on the edge of the bed and quickly climbed onto my lap. His mouth was going between devouring mine and laving at my neck. My hand went to the front of his pants and curled my fingers against the outline there. John stilled, he was panting from lack of breath since he hadn’t drawn a full one since he climbed into my lap. He stared down into my eyes. I saw the fear and pain in them. That had been why Carol left then. Is that why other relationships had failed? I could tell that he had bottomed when he brought Alex home, had he topped or tried to when he was at Alex’s home, is that why that relationship had failed? His erection started to lag just a little. We couldn’t have that, “John, I don’t mind.” That got his attention again. He started to fill out, but he climbed off my lap and sat beside me. “I see everything John, I knew you would be larger than average, however, I did fail to realise how much so, and I really do not mind.”

John looked at the floor and not my face. “Others did, I’ve rarely been able to actually penetrate anyone. Women will do other things, I’ve become so good at fingering and oral that I never really minded. Carol didn’t even let me offer that, as soon as she saw this,” He said motioning to his groin, “she ran. That is why I was so shocked when you deduced that Mary was pregnant. She wasn’t totally against it, but it only happened a few times, one just happened to line up with the false trail that she made. Men were better, I could bottom and take it up the arse. Again only a handful of times that I topped, I rather be on top, but I do not mind it the other way, I’ll get it as I can. Alex had been a total bottom, only topped me because we didn’t want our first time to be our last, I topped when that weekend, he said he was fine, but I could tell, he didn’t enjoy it, I broke it off, I would find a top, and he would find one who wasn’t so big. ”

“I want you inside me tonight.” I said boldly taking his hand out of his lap, both of us flagging during his admission.

“I can’t Sherlock, I don’t want to hurt you, and I do not want our first time to be our last.”

“It will not be, I do prefer to bottom, that is why I want you to top tonight, but I am not adverse to topping. So if it does not work out, then we go the other way from now on. But John, I do have to admit that I have a huge size kink.” With that his head snapped to look at my face, a small smile trying to filter its way through.

“Really?” I nodded. “Okay, but we go slow, I will not cause you pain due to impatience, we will prepare you fully and use lots of lube. And you will tell me at any point if it becomes too much.”

“Yes fine, but how about I ride you, that way, I have control and can pull off.”

“That works.” John said as he stood and removed his pants, I couldn’t take my eyes off his cock, it was magnificent. He settled himself in the middle of the bed propping a pillow behind his back as he sat against the head board. I turned to my beside table and retrieved the half used bottle of lube I keep there for my solo sessions. I climbed on the bed and straddled his thighs, handing him the bottle. He opened it and squeezed an ample amount on his fingers and I held my hand out to retrieve some as well, if he wanted me fully prepared I was going to have to help to get it done faster. I took his mouth with mine as his finger circled my hole before finally pressing against the first ring of muscle. I moaned into his mouth as his finger continued its journey into my hole and grazed my prostate. He worked it in and out for a bit before I reached around and pressed mine along with it. We worked together to open me up for his cock, alternating adding fingers, ever so slowly until he had three and I had two. I had to pause and squeeze the base of my penis to stop myself from coming right then. I could fell John’s cock twitching against our stomach so I squeezed his as well, couldn’t have him going off as soon as he entered me.

“I’m ready.” I panted into his mouth. I had never felt so open. He paused his work.

“Are you sure?” I nodded my affirmation. He removed his fingers as I removed mine. He took the bottle of lube and added some to his cock. We wiped out hands and the top sheet to get the sticky lube off. He held his cock as I lifted myself up, I lined myself up and began to lower myself, the first breach is always the hardest. Even with the combined stretching of five fingers, there was still the delicious burn of stretching. I paused to catch my breath, which caused John to worry.
“We don’t have to do this Love.”

“I’m fine, if there wasn’t the initial burn it wouldn’t be as enjoyable, It’s just been a while, I have to get used to it.” I paused getting used to the feeling of being stretched around John. I continued my descent slowly until I was fully in John’s lap. He grasped my hips, making me pause and get used to him. I looked down into his eyes, and saw the admiration there. I placed my hand on his face and tilted his face up so I could place a gentle kiss on his lips. “I’m ready to move now John, please let me move.” I pleaded.

“God yes, Sherlock, move.” He loosened his grip, but only enough so I could move, he held on to them for purchase. I raised up slightly before baring back down, I started slowly, only when John’s hips matched my movements did I speed up. His hold got tighter, helping my hips in their movements causing his cock to slide in and out, hitting my prostate on every stroke. I reached behind him the grasp the headboard, knowing I wouldn’t want to grasp his shoulder, because of his old wound. My grasp on the headboard helped me in my movement. I couldn’t help the tears in my eyes as we worked together. When he placed his mouth on my chest, I moved my right hand and held his head to it, as he licked and sucked at my nipples, giving them their own pleasure. He released on of my hips, I couldn’t tell which, I just knew because my cock was in his hand. He was stroking me, getting me closer to release. “Please tell me you are close.”

“John. John. John.” One syllable, the only one I seemed to be able to muster. He received his answer soon enough as my body seized and my release was covering his hand.

****JOHN****

Sherlock felt incredible, so hot and tight around my cock. I couldn’t help but hold on to him as he moved his body up and down mine. I bent my head forward to pay some attention to the beautiful chest in front of me not sure if that was something that he liked, apparently he did, if the fingers in my hair were any indication. I removed my left hand from his hip and found his engorged cock and started to stroke using the precum leaking to ease my way. “Please tell me you are close.” I murmured. All he could reply was one syllable, John. Never had I had a lover that praised me in such a way. The way he said it was like I was some ancient deity sent to give him all of life’s luxuries. I did get a response by his body seizing before the hot jet of semen coated my hand. His orgasm had hit him so hard he was shaking, the muscle movement around my cock, sent me over as well as I spilled into him. The shock of both orgasms had us gasping for breath and each other. Our bodies coming down we wound our arms around each other. Sherlock’s body going limp from excretion. “We have to clean up before we get glued together.”

“I see absolutely nothing bad about that. I don’t plan on leaving this bed anytime soon.”

“Just let me up to get a wet flannel then we can lie back down.”

“No, can’t move.” Sherlock groaned as he tried to move. “My thighs hurt, I think they’ve locked up.”

“Oh, love, let me help.” He had literally worked a cramp into his thighs and the orgasm had just caused them to spasm. I rubbed my hands up and down his thighs earning a hiss of pain from my lover. “I’m sorry, but you’ve got to get out of this position if you want to them to stop hurting. I grasped his hips and tried to lift him, causing him to yelp in pain. I got him far enough up, that I was able to move out from under him and lay him on his side. “I’ll be right back.” I ran to the bathroom and got two flannels and wet them with warm water. I cleaned myself quickly and thoroughly before heading back into the room.

Sherlock was still laying where I had set him, so I snuck back into the bathroom and filled up a small paper cup with water before grabbing some pain medicine to help with his pain. I set he water and medicine on the beside table so I could get the taller man cleaned up. I wiped his front getting his release off his stomach before moving to his backside. His hole was red and puffy from being stretched and used, but we had prepared him well enough that there was no blood. That was what I was most afraid of. Tearing his skin. I had torn pretty all the other men I had topped, but he knew, of course he knew how his body could adjust and how much preparation he did need not to cause harm and pain other than the burn that turns in to pleasure. I rubbed at his thighs some more trying to get the cramps to work out. At least we know to get his to stretch his muscles before we do this particular position again, if we ever do.

“You’re thinking too hard. Come and lie down.”

“I am.” I said before standing and tossing the use flannel in the corner. I came around to face him and offer the medicine. “To help with the pain.”

“Thanks.” He replied taking the cup and pills and swallowing both down. He motioned me to lay down, so I did when I was settled we were facing each other. “That was incredible John.” He whispered, placing a gentle kiss to the tip of my nose. “I want to do that again very soon.”

“But you are hurt.”

“I only hurt because I tensed my thighs right before I came. It is nobody’s fault but mine.”

I could see the sincerity in his eyes and I place a kiss to his lips. He opened his mouth deepening the kiss. I pulled finally pulled away feeling sleep starting to overcome me. “It was bloody fantastic wasn’t it? It certainly was the best of my life.” Sherlock answered with an honest grin and blush.
“But know we need to sleep, maybe we can have lazy morning sex when we wake up.”

“I would want nothing more, maybe the other way around. I am not averse to switching, I can’t spend the rest of my life limping because my boyfriend has a huge cock.” I looked at him seeing the playfulness in his eyes.

“I think we can come to some kind of arrangement.” I murmured.

I will get used to it though, with practice.” He said, leaning down to kiss my head. “It’ll take a few days for my thighs and my arse to recover and I think a few days in would be fantastic too, rediscover us and work on this relationship.”

“Yes, exactly what I was thinking. To the staying in for a few days and the practice part.” I said stroking his hair back before winding my arms around him and pulling him closer for sleep. “But now we sleep.”

“Yes, sleep, so morning sex will get here.” I couldn’t help but laugh, at his agreement and the way he said it like a child on Christmas Eve, going to bed to see what Father Christmas had left him.

“Oh, and John.”

“Yes Sherlock?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Sherlock.” I replied as sleep took us both into pleasant dreams of our future together.