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Never forget (i love you)

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He pushes Jongdae up against one of the kitchen walls and starts tackling the younger man’s exposed neck with hot and hungry lips. He sucks and licks with wild abandon – like a man possessed, a man on fire – starting from Jongdae’s prominent jaw line, down to his collarbone, and back up again. Pausing every now and then to bite at the expanse of skin, a whispered litany of “Mine mine mine, all mine” falling from his sinful lips as he tantalizingly laps up every individual bead of perspiration on that long and slender neck. Jongdae arches his bruised neck and lets out a long breathy moan he pushes his boyfriend’s head nearer to him. A whiff of the older man’s orange-scented shampoo floats by - entering his nose, and he smiles as his head spins deliciously in a whirlwind of colors – a kaleidoscope of light and shooting stars.

The smile soon vanishes and is replaced by an ear-splitting scream as the elder licks his way up the column of Jongdae’s sweat stained neck, and viciously bites down at the area where Jongdae is most sensitive – above the jugular. And the young man finds himself wondering – not for the first time - if his lover is actually a vampire in disguise, given the older man’s fascination with biting necks. He also finds himself thinking that he wouldn't mind in the slightest bit even if…

The train of thought disappears into thin air when Suho detaches his lips and teeth from Jongdae’s neck and pulls his head up to capture the younger’s own hungry lips. Jongdae can smell the faint scent of blood on the older man’s breath and he finds it mind-numbingly mesmerizing – the hint of blood combined with the tangy citrus and Suho’s own intoxicating scent. He can taste the subtle metallic taste on his palate and the all too familiar sensation begins coiling in the pits of Jongdae’s stomach.

Lips moved in tandem as the kisses become fierier and more ferocious by the second. Teeth clashed and relentless tongues engaged in a flaming dance amidst the slight coppery taste of blood in their mouths. Spit dribbles out from corners of swollen and bruised lips, sliding down their chins. Burning hands on heated skin as the older presses forward and the younger pulls him in. Jongdae clutches desperately at the fabric of Suho's shirt, the intensity getting almost too much for him to bear. His senses heighten to an all-time high as the scent of blood overpowers his sensitive nose, and he feels like passing out from the dizzying amount of feels. Heads were pounding and whirling with overwhelming passion and lust as both young men devoured each other like beggars starving for food and hungering for nourishment.

Hips grinded against each other and twin moans were heard – desperate and drawn out.

Jongdae reluctantly tears his split and bleeding lips away from Suho's, pressing his flushed face into the pale skin of the elder's neck, and inhales deeply. A musky scent of sweat and cologne whiffs past and Jongdae breathes a sigh of relief, a sigh that shudders through his entire body. He slowly moves down, until his face is pressed against the juncture of Suho's neck and shoulder. He takes in another deep breath, allowing himself to be surrounded by the smell which is undeniably Suho, and remains in that position till his erratic heartbeat slows to a steadier rhythm.

Suho looks down and presses his nose into the crown of Jongdae's soft hair, a rising panic in his heart. He slowly looks up and whispers - clearing his parched throat, "Jongdae? You okay? Did i hurt you anywhere?" He waits for an answer and when he doesn't hear one – save for a slight snuffle, he moves his shoulder and gently nudges the younger boy. “Baby? Talk to me.”

Jongdae looks up and directs a smile at the elder “That was – that was unbelievable hyung. I’m alright, just a little winded from everything.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry,” he adds when he sees the crease between Suho’s brows, lifting a hand to caress his cheek.

The older of the two notes that the smile on Jongdae’s face reeked of tiredness, and his frown deepens. The younger boy’s beautiful eyes were glazed and unfocused, and Suho bites down on his bottom lip, worry evident in his brown orbs.

He smiles softly at Jongdae and says – arm going round his waist, “Let’s get you to bed okay? Do you want me to carry you?”

Jongdae shakes his head and laughs at his boyfriend. “Don’t be silly, I’m not an infant. I’m perfectly capable of walking thank you very much.”

He moves to take a step towards the bedroom when his knees buckle. Suho immediately tightens the grip on his waist, preventing him from hitting the ground. Glancing at the elder, Jongdae manages a sheepish smile and mouths a thank you.

There’s an unreadable expression on Suho’s face as he looks at Jongdae. The younger boy parts his lips to say something - anything - to break the strange forbidding atmosphere. But before he can get a word out, he experiences a sudden lurch in his stomach as Suho silently lifts him into his arms. He swallows down his surprise and is about to voice out his protests when he catches a glimpse of the sullen look on that usually smiling face and a dullness in those normally bright and lively eyes.

Biting back a sigh, Jongdae clenches his lips shut and lets Suho carry him into the room, thin arms going round the elder’s neck – burying his head against Suho’s shoulder. He doesn’t see the look directed at him.






Suho has his arms securely wrapped around Jongdae as both boys lie on the bed; the younger boy’s back firmly pressed against the elder’s chest. The only source of light came from the faint moonbeams that were being emitted by the crescent hanging against a backdrop of velvet black. Pressing his face into Jongdae’s neck, Suho whispers into the soft sweet-smelling skin.

“Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you stop me?”

Jongdae shifts himself and gently lifts Suho’s face with his fingers until their gazes met. “Because hyung, I didn’t want you to stop,” he smiles lightly and continues. “You haven’t touched me in that manner for so long. I missed it.”

“But things aren’t the same as they were before. You can’t – “

Jongdae cuts in quietly. “Who says things are different now?”

“Kim Jongdae, you know better than anyone else that things have changed,” Suho pauses and lowers his tone. “So why – tell me why you’re doing this.”

“Are you mad at me?”

Suho looks at the wide eyes gazing up at him and breathes out a sigh – heart constricting painfully. “No love, I’m not angry at you. I just –“ he pulls the younger boy closer to him. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You’ll never hurt me. You’re Suho, my Suho. My protector, and my angel,” Jongdae says softly, smiling into the older boy’s chest. “And I love you.”

A solitary tear runs down his cheek as he fights to keep the over flowing emotions at bay. “I love you too Jongdae. So much. You have no idea how much I love you.”

Jongdae does not respond as the haze of dreams brings him to the shadows of sleep. Suho feels the deep even breaths and hears the soft inhale exhale of air, and his heart aches. Turning to face the ceiling, he shuts his eyes – tears rolling down his face – and bites the insides of his cheeks to prevent the heart-wrenching sobs from escaping.






“Hello? Is this Dr. Zhang?”

Suho quietly shuts the door to the bedroom and walks to the couch in the living room.

“This is Kim Joonmyun. Yes, Jongdae’s boyfriend. Dr Zhang, I need you to do something for me.”

“Tomorrow morning, you are going to call Jongdae and tell him you found a suitable donor. Tell him that he needs to go for the transplant as soon as possible.”

“Yes I understand that there isn’t actually a – No wait, you got it all wrong. Will you please shut up for a minute and listen to me,” Suho says wearily – rubbing a hand across his face and sinking into the cushions.

“I’ll be the donor.”






Suho crawls into bed and tucks both his and Jongdae’s bodies under the bedcovers. He gazes at the peaceful sound asleep face, and thinks that the younger boy positively glows under the soft moonlight. So beautiful. So so beautiful.

Lifting himself up slightly, he places a soft kiss on Jongdae’s forehead.

“I love you.”






“Jongdae-ssi? We’re ready for you now. If you could come this way...”

Glancing at the nurse, Jongdae smiles and says – holding up a finger, “One second please.” Then turning to the man standing beside him, he asks softly – voice trembling in the slightest way possible. “Well I guess this is it then. You’ll be here when I wake up right?”

The man pastes a smile on his cracked bloodless lips and leans forward to capture Jongdae’s lips in a kiss – a final kiss.

“I love you. Never forget that.”






Body trembling in fear and sadness, Suho looks on with eyes that were brimming with tears as the love of his life walks away. Away from him. He brings a fist to his lips and kisses the platinum silver ring on his finger. He holds back, restraining himself from running to Jongdae and puling the younger boy into his arms.

When he sees Jongdae turn a corner, when the boy is no longer in his sight, Suho finally gives up and breaks down. The grief of leaving Jongdae becoming too much for him to bear, Suho collapses to the cold tiled floor – legs giving in from all the overwhelming anguish. Shoulders shaking uncontrollably, he brings a trembling hand to his heaving chest and clutches at his heart.

Feeling thousands of daggers piercing his soul, the young man sobs in agony. Bitter tears streaming down his pale and lifeless face, he cries out softly - desperately.

“Goodbye my angel. Never forget that I love you.”






Suho lies on the operating table and stares up at the bright light above him. He knows that Jongdae is lying in the next room, and his heart clenches at the thought. He wonders what the younger boy is thinking of at that moment. The knowledge that he can never see his love ever again has him closing his eyes in resignation as a lone tear trickles out from the corner of his eye.

“Dr. Zhang?” he asks softly.

When he feels familiar brown eyes on him, he cracks a wry grin. “When you get home, tell your father that I managed to reach my goal.”

“You goal Joonmyun-ssi?”

Suho laughs softly. “Just tell him that Kim Joonmyun has reached his goal. He’ll understand.”

The doctor nodded and hesitated for a bit before speaking out. “Joonmyun-ssi, I’m going to ask you one more time – “

Interrupting the sentence because he knows exactly what the question is, Suho whispers. “When he awakes, when Jongdae wakes up, tell him not to cry because a part of me now lives in him.”

“Tell him to smile because my heart beats for him.”

“Tell him – tell him to be happy because - ,” he stops to wipe the torrent of tears from his drowning eyes before continuing. “Tell him to be happy because I’ll be watching over him from above.”

“Tell my Jongdae that I love him.”








“Joonmyun dear, it’s time for your nap.”

The boy raised his head and pouted at the young man crouching next to him. “But Yixing hyung, I have not finished writing the homework yet.”
Yixing chuckles lightly and playfully ruffles the tuft of brown hair. His amusement grew upon seeing the small boy scrunch up his nose as white chubby hands patted at the soft strands.

Brown eyes twinkling and dimples dancing, Yixing prodded a long slender finger into a soft cheek. “You look so serious. Can I see what you’re writing?” He gets a toothy grin in response, which lasted all of two seconds, before young Joonmyun widens his eyes in shock and forms a little circle with his mouth.

He slams his little hands on the paper – splaying his fingers wide open. It seems like he’s trying to prevent the young teacher from seeing the words, but in all honesty, his attempt wasn’t exactly helping. Small hands on large lettering, Yixing has to bite his bottom lip to prevent himself from laughing aloud.

“No you can’t!” the boy looks around and tries to whisper conspiratorially, “It’s a secret. You can’t know. I’ll let you know when I finish writing it okay?”

“Okay then. Just leave it in my desk when you’re done with it.”

“Wait,” Joonmyun lifts his pencil and makes a dot – a full stop. “There, I’m done. Here you go hyung.”

He presses the piece of paper into Yixing’s hands and runs off to join the rest of the children.

Yixing slowly gets to his feet and shakes his head amusedly as he spies from the corner of his eye, the boy clinging onto Jongdae’s arm despite the heavy frown on the younger boy’s annoyed face.






Hello everyone. My name is Kim Joonmyun and I am a 5 year old boy. When I grow up, I want to be the world’s greatest lover. Because my mama says that the bestest thing for a person is to love. So when I find that special person, I will do everything to make him happy. I will give him my heart, my life, and all my loves. I will become a power ranger to protect him. I want to be the red ranger because he is cool and Kim Jongdae’s favorite color is red.






“Zhang Yixing! Whatcha up to?” Luhan greets as he bounces to Yixing’s side and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Yixing grins at his boyfriend, taking Luhan’s hand and pulling him down – so that he’s seated on his lap. Arms going round the older boy’s waist, he nestles his face into the red hair and inhales deeply. “Luhan-ah, I want you to read what my student wrote and tell me what you think.”

Luhan takes the paper from Yixing with an arched brow and begins reading, mouthing the words silently. When he reaches the last word, he smiles softly and places the paper on the table. Turning his head slightly and leaning forward to catch the Yixing's bottom lip between his teeth, he murmurs into the slightly open mouth. “You have a very special kid there Xing.”

The corners of his eyes crinkling upwards, Yixing darts his tongue out and traces the outline of Luhan’s lips. “You’re right. For a 5 year old to be able to write that, he’s special. Kim Joonmyun is indeed a very special kid. Whoever he falls in love with, I bet their story will be one that’ll touch people’s hearts in ways unimaginable.”

Luhan leans back and looks the younger boy’s face with a raised eyebrow. “You sound like you’re being envious of a person who might not even have been born yet. Zhang Yixing, I’ll have you know that I’m not going to give you up to that kid. So you might as well toss out any ridiculous ideas now.”

Yixing rolls his eyes and laughs out loud at his lover’s absurdity. Slipping a hand under Luhan’s shirt, he fingers skim over smooth skin before pinching a nipple. Luhan yelps at the sudden sensation, and Yixing closes the gap between their mouths, growling in a way that sent a shiver down the older boy’s spine – dark flames in his eyes.

“Oh babe. You have no idea how ridiculous I can get. Would you like to have your first lesson in bed? Or do you prefer to have it in the bathroom under the showers?”






I will give him my heart, my life, and all my loves.