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Satellite

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1.

The non-stop shutter sound that came out of the cameras was almost deafening, Jimin stood there before he started walking, half running, along with other 10 or so people holding their DSLR camera, peeping through the viewfinder to catch the boy in front of them. The boy that Jimin was so familiar with, someone whom he knew too much and too little at the same time, the sole object of thousands of pictures he’d taken for a whole year by now.

Though it was deafening and sickeningly repetitive, Jimin was one of them, one among those people who made those sounds with his camera, trying to capture and trap the memories of today’s Jeon Jungkook inside their camera, inside their memory card to be admired, to be worshipped, and maybe to earn some cash from selling it later.

Jimin himself wasn’t really sure, how or why or when did he start this hobby, or these days had become more like a job for him. It was weird of course, him between all this fan girls chasing the same boy, their golden boy. But before Jimin had any time to think back about his decision or about his life in general he had Jungkook’s flight to catch, or Jungkook’s concert to attend (and before that, there was always a war of getting the ticket) and all sort of filming where he could take pictures of Jeon Jungkook freely, as much as he wanted, as much until his fingers numb from pressing the shutter button.

So here he was, between fan girls, holding his camera close to his face and through the viewfinder he watched Jungkook's each and every moves, his every angle, every slight change of expression -every brows crease, or lips curl. Jungkook waved and bowed politely just like how he always did, the idol with the image almost as clean as Yoo Jaesuk and loved by the whole country, including Jimin.

They stood in line, trying not to push each other because they had the same purpose of coming here, Jimin stood just a few meters away from Jungkook whom guarded loosely by his managers and staff.

Jungkook usually wore a mask when he didn’t wear any make up (he was very shy when he was bare-face though Jimin didn’t see any problem by him not wearing any make-up, in fact, he’d looked more his age), but he had schedule right after arriving back to Korea from filming in England. So he was fully groomed today, it surprised Jimin every time at how good looking Jungkook was. He believed that no matter how good his camera was, it could never fully catch how beautiful Jungkook looked in person.

It was then when Jungkook walked pass him, Jimin was still busy taking pictures when Jungkook was looking his way, blankly at first before he smiled right through the camera lens to the person behind it and Jimin’s expert and fast finger froze. He should be taking more pictures, he should be making sure that that moment was captured by his camera (it was definitely going to sell out more because eye-contact-photo wasn't something that happen everyday), but instead of taking the rare chance, Jimin’s whole body just froze there, slowly dropping down his camera until it was in front of his chest as he followed Jungkook in his line of vision. He was already walking away and Jimin had to be satisfied with staring at Jungkook’s broad back moving further and further away from him.

Because I’m a satellite, I hover around you, even though from far away, I feel grateful that I can see you.

2.

Jimin sat in front of his computer, managing all the pictures he took today, arranging it in folders, choosing which one he would upload onto his site, which one he wanted to keep as his own private collection, and which one he was going to include inside his next photobook series or season’s greeting or summer package. It was never easy when it came to arranging Jungkook photos because usually Jimin would end up staring at it one by one for a good five minutes before moving on with the next picture in line (he usually needed a whole day just to organize one day worth of Jungkook’s pictures). More or less he looked kind of like a lovesick idiot when he did it (thank god, he lived alone). He would smile like a proud mother when Jungkook was smiling brightly while crinkling his nose, he would frown in displease when the pictures showed Jungkook’s face painted in black circle under his eyes or how he waved weakly while yawning out his fatigue but still greeting his fans as bright with as much energy he had left.

It was all started about a year ago. Jimin was watching Big Bang’s concert when he took a glance at a black haired boy whom everyone else was also staring at as soon as he entered the hall. He was standing a few rows in front of Jimin along with someone Jimin believed as his manager. But Jimin wasn’t paying much attention to it, he had Big Bang in front of him to be paid attention to anyway. It was an hour later that Taeyang was standing on the edge of the stage right in front of him and Jimin hurriedly took out his phone just to capture a few seconds’ memories of having Taeyang not even 10 meters away from him. He was sure that he was taking video of Taeyang, at first, before some people around him started bumping into him from every sides, having a hard time controlling themselves at having Taeyang so close to them. Jimin’s phone slipped out of his small hand, he cursed under his breath. He was fast enough to catch it before it fell onto the ground and getting stepped out by all the people surrounding him. Calming himself down, Jimin lifted his phone again, hoping to record again because he unfortunately failed to save the earlier video.

To his dismay, Taeyang already moved to the other side of the stage and just like Jimin the fans near there also pulled up their phone (if they weren’t already) and how lucky those people were to be able to record Taeyang like that. He pulled up his phone again, at least he had to record something just to show his friend Hosoek that he met Taeyang, obviously not really meeting him, but you get his point. Jimin wasn’t really sure, why, instead of filming Taeyang, his phone decided to capture someone else. That tall in all black guy he ignored just an hour ago. Jimin was watching through his phone screen, how the boy subtly bobbing his head into the beat, and even with black mask that covered half of his face and all black clothing he wore, he still stood out among the crowd because his subtle head bobbing or his barely moving body was so contrasting with the other people who were jumping and singing (more like screaming) along the fantastic baby that was currently playing.

15 minutes.

When Jimin was coming back to his sense, the timer showed 15 minutes (it was equal to more or less 4 songs, he fucking missed 4 Bigbang’s songs) and still going on his recorder. A good whole of 15 minutes of recording Jeon Jungkook as if he was bewitched, his phone might be, and Taeyang was going to be so disappointed at him (no, Taeyang didn’t know him personally, obviously).

Jimin’s accusation toward his phone was wrong, it wasn’t, obviously, his phone’s mistake, because even after the concert, a few hours after until a few days after it Jimin was still lingering on the moment, still watching his recording of Jeon Jungkook on his phone before he started asking Hoseok (who was like a walking Wikipedia of Kpop) about Jeon Jungkook. Then he started watching every single Jeon Jungkook’s related videos he could find on Youtube, and started to stream and download every Jeon Jungkook’s albums on Melon. And before he knew it, Jimin was already too deep inside Jeon Jungkook’s fandom, deeper than he had ever been inside of Big Bang’s fandom and G-Dragon was going to be so disappointed at him (G-Dragon also didn’t know him personally, obviously but that beside the point). Jimin didn’t left Bigbang fandom, he still bought and downloaded their albums and because Bigbang hadn’t betray him with their music it was kind of mean if Jimin betrayed them first for Jungkook (“you already did though,” Hoseok said as he dramatically faked crying).

3.

“Are you still doing that?” The man placed down his fork and knife before he took a sip of his red wine.

Jimin just nodded, obviously ignoring his brother as he was busy chewing the roasted lamb.

“Words Jimin,” his father said.

“Yes.” Jimin turned his head, forcing a smile toward his brother whom just smiled back at his cute little brother, enjoying teasing him a little too much.

“How’s work?” Mr. Park started again, Jimin resumed eating because he knew that question wasn’t aimed toward him.

“As usual, we just signed a contract with subcontractor from China on that highway project near Jeju Island,” Seokjin replied with no hesitation as if he already rehearsed what he was about to say a few times before.

“Good.” Mr. Park nodded.

“And you Jimin?” Jimin’s brows creased, he gulped the lump in his throat before forcing his expression back to its default settings, calm and composed.

“Usual,” Jimin shrugged.

His job wasn’t something that his family unaware of. They knew Jimin as a freelancer writer and also knew Jimin as a fansite master of some idol named Jeon Jungkook. They never explicitly mentioned or discussed it with him but he knew that they knew and surprisingly had no problem with it. Jimin himself knew that a fansite master wasn’t exactly a job he could be running around telling people with pride (except inside the fandom, because fansite master was considered as the elite fans, that other fans admired and senpai-ed) but he enjoyed it so much, like he never put this much passion into something after he had given up on his dream, so he was partly thankful that his family never told him to quit. Jimin knew probably it was because they either didn’t really care or it was good way to keep him away, or both.

Jimin knew not to go overboard with whatever job or hobby he’d been doing. He never followed Jungkook outside of his official schedule, never sneaked a camera where taking pictures was forbidden, he didn’t use extra zoom lens like the other fansites used, avoiding attracting attention as much as he could. Jimin was trying his best to take Jungkook’s pictures with all the rules he set for himself to not stand out between all those others fangirls and some sasaengs (Jimin learnt not to mess with them because they were fucking scary and their FBI-like ability was so going to expose where Jimin came from if he wasn’t careful enough). Jimin never attended fansign, other than the reason of keeping himself low, just thinking about meeting Jungkook, sharing eye contact, faces inches apart, holding his hands while conversing was already making his brain short circuited, so no, fansign was a big no.

With all those rules and restrictions, Jimin was still trying his best to take pictures of Jeon Jungkook good enough for sell to earn some  more money just enough for living another month without using the unlimited credit card from his family.

As a second son of the third generation of multibillionaire family there were not many things that Jimin expected to do, more like he better off not doing anything. No need to have a perfect grades, no need to build network, no need to have a dream, no expectation. Jimin just had to lay low, to not cause any trouble, to just sit, be a good boy, and let his brother, Park Seokjin, did everything.

But that didn’t mean that Jimin never tried, he did, so much that he poured everything for it and when his effort proved to be fruitless, it drained him so much he lost himself in the middle of getting his father’s recognition, it left him with nothing beside thinking that he was unwanted and useless, an existence that his family didn’t really need but couldn’t really dispose. He did his best at everything, he did well at school, keeping his attitude wherever he go just so his dad would look at him just like how he looked at his brother, all bright smile, chest pumping with pride as he patted Seokin’s back out of fondness when he introduced him to his business partner as the heir. All the while Jimin was standing at the side, quietly keeping himself unnoticeable behind Namjoon’s tall figure.

The best he had ever gotten from his dad was when he won a dance competition and his dad muttered a soft ‘good job’ not even sparing a glance at him, but it was enough for Jimin to have some hope. With his heart thumping loudly, grin almost splitting his face he came to his father, confessing his dream of becoming a singer with eyes sparkling only to hear a sentence from his dad with a look of disappointment mixed with annoyance ‘don’t go overboard, don’t do anything that’ll cause trouble’ and Jimin lost every bits of expectation he had for himself after that.

Then again I get greedy, though I know it’d be the same as before, I guess that’s just what I am.

The dinner ended soon after, wasn’t something surprising for Jimin that it wasn’t very much a family-like dinner, and Jimin was thankful it ended quickly and her mother didn’t force him to go home and do some more chatting with them like she usually did.

“So, what do you want for your birthday?” Seokjin asked from the driver seat, he forced to drive his brother home even with Jimin continuous protest.

“No.”

“Come on tell me, you know you can ask for everything, literally,” Seokjin beamed, eyes still focused on the road. Jimin chuckled bitterly, what was the use of getting this everything, when this everything didn’t even include what he wanted the most.

“Really, it’s fine, hyung.” Jimin closed his eyes, as he leaned his back against his seat.

“Do you want another camera? you love the camera that I gave you two years ago, right?” And Jimin had to agree with that, he was indeed happy when his brother gave him the camera that soon accompanied him everywhere as he chased after Jungkook, when he got it two years ago it was the newest model, but it was definitely much less fancier than the other fans used these days. But for Jimin it was adequate, for Jimin he didn’t need an overly fancy camera to capture how beautiful Jungkook was.

“I can buy one for myself.” Jimin shifted closer toward the window, creating a gap as big as he could from Seokjin inside the closed space, resting his head on the glass window, hoping that Seokjin would get the hint that he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“Well, that’s the point of a gift, you don’t have to buy it yourself,” Seokjin chuckled, and Jimin hated it when his brother teased him, acting like he knew everything that Jimin didn’t already know, he was ridiculed enough for being the second son all his life, he didn’t need his tall, handsome, smart, perfect brother to look down on him too.

Their conversation didn’t go anywhere after, though Seokjin badly wanted to have more because they hadn’t meet for months and he didn’t want it to just end with them not really conversing about anything meaningful. He always wanted to reach out to Jimin. Seokjin remembered when he once complained to Jimin about having too much expectation on him, how exhausting it was for him, that he wanted to run away, but Jimin was looking at him saying ‘lucky you’ with expression that he couldn’t decipher at that time, only when Jimin’s dream was crushed in front of his eyes he understood, that having too much is better than not having any at all.

“Do you want to start working at our company? I can give you any position you want if you need a proper job.” Seokjin intention was far from bad but he just had a way to make it sounded like he was mocking or at least that was how Jimin feel. Seokjin knew Jimin craved their dad’s recognition so much, so maybe if Jimin started working with him their father would at least spare a glance at his poor little brother.

“I have a job.” Jimin opened his eyes, they were already near his apartment. He wanted to hurry up climb his bed and rest since he had a long day. He had works piled up both from his freelancer job and the fansite one. He had few articles waiting to be proof-read and edited, he needed to finish the commissions he opened just a week ago (he thought about earning some money by opening commission, but unfortunately or fortunately (according from where he looked at it) the 10 slot he opened was all sold), he still had some pictures to be edited and making layout for the next photobook.

“You mean taking pictures of whom again? Jung-what?” Seokjin asked excitedly like he hadn’t just offended one of Jeon Jungkook’s biggest fan by not knowing his full name. Jimin just prayed that the car would move faster toward his place.

“Just because it’s not a CEO doesn’t mean it’s not a job,” he grudgingly said.

The car stopped right then as they arrived in front of Jimin’s apartment complex and Jimin hurriedly got out of the car before Seokjin could say anything more.

“Good night, hyung,” Jimin muttered hurriedly not even turning his head as he got out of the car and walked inside the building.

4.

Seokjin stopped in his parking lot. He took out his phone, pressing number 1 and waiting for the line to connect.

“I need you to find out about someone,” Seokjin said as soon as someone on the other line greeted him.

“Who is it, sir?”

“Uuh, it’s Jung-something,” Seokjin knitted his brows while looking up trying to remember a name, “Goddammit why can’t I remember this guy’s name, you know that famous idol.”

“There’s a lot of Idol named Jung-something out there, sir,” The man answered calmly.

“I know, I know his song, it’s I need a girl, I think.” Seokjin didn’t sound certain at all.

“I believe that’s Taeyang’s song sir, and Taeyang’s real name is Dong Yongbae and there’s no Jung in his name—“

“No, no, that’s not him, oh my God, why can’t I remember it.” Seokjin hit his steering wheel slightly before something finally crossed his mind, a silver keychain hanging on a black back pack that Jimin wore flashed through his mind.

“Sattelite97,” Seokjin said, surer this time.

“Pardon, sir?”

“Look for it, I believe it’s kind of a site and you’ll know who you need to look up into.”

“I understand sir.”

5.

It was another hectic day for Jimin, he woke up early in the morning to catch Jungkook as he arrived back from Japan. His camera and everything he needed was already packed neatly inside his black back pack. He wore his black coat just because Jungkook liked black and wore his red green checkered scarf because Jungkook also liked red. His camera bag hanging on his shoulder.

It was another day of realizing how much he liked Jungkook and another day of losing his breath just from seeing Jungkook walked pass him, wasn’t a surprise to Jimin but wasn’t something he didn’t look forward to because yesterday’s Jungkook was different from today’s Jungkook and Jimin just had to capture each and every bits of that moment.

Today was more crowded than usual, Jimin was having a hard time at securing a good spot to take pictures because he couldn’t join all the girls on pushing each other’s for getting the front row just to get a bit closer to Jungkook. He settled behind Sandara whom fortunately was smaller than him so he could still take a picture pretty much easily. The pushing started again once Jungkook came out and walked along his staff while waving and smiling from time to time, he was looking over at his fans probably surprised that it was slightly more crowded than usual. His big round eyes innocently wandered over before the crowd, scanning in slight bewilderment though it wasn’t something that never happened before. He was walking leisurely right in front of Jimin when his steps suddenly halted. It took a mere second for Jimin to realize that those black round innocent eyes were currently staring at him, right through his lens. It was probably just his wishful thinking or something wrong might had happened to his camera because he swore he saw Jungkook’s lips curled up slightly, his stomach churned uncomfortably but it wasn’t exactly a right time to worry about why he felt something was flying around inside his stomach. So what if Jungkook smiled at him? Jeon Jungkook smiled at everyone.

Unlike last time, his short fingers didn’t freeze, he was able to catch that moment when Jungkook was (hopefully) looking and smiling at him, that moment when Jeon Jungkook knew he existed or at least that he had his face craved inside Jungkook’s unconscious mind.

Jimin couldn’t hope for more.

6.

A birthday wasn’t something that significant for Jimin, he wasn’t the type to be overly excited at knowing he just lost another year of his lifespan. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to spoil himself on such occasion. Taking picture of Jungkook was something he chose to do, nothing would be better than seeing Jeon Jungkook on his birthday (birthday or any day he didn’t really care actually).

That was why he stood outside of SBS building waiting for Jungkook. For three days straight they didn’t hear anything about Jungkook except that he fainted out of exhaustion, all of his schedule was canceled to give him time to rest. The fandom was in uproar, blaming the company for overworking the boy and telling them to have Jungkook to rest more but after three days they were already missing the boy (Jimin couldn’t blame them, he missed Jungkook too, but he also wanted him to rest, oh the dilemma).

As soon as Jungkook stepped out of his black van, the usual happened, the screaming and the shutter sounds along with Jungkook sluggish steps toward the building. He was wearing a mask, his fringe almost covered his eyes, probably on purpose to hide the exhaustion painted all over his face. Jimin could see the faint black color beneath the boy’s tired red eyes, he looked like he could just sleep right there in the middle of the airport. He waved weakly and Jimin could see from Jungkook’s crinkling eyes that he was smiling under his mask. Seeing all that, Jimin just couldn’t bring himself on pressing the shutter button, his fingers froze from a completely different reason than it did a few weeks ago. The scream was getting louder, it was as if none of them there realized that the boy they were screaming at was in the brink of fainting there. He saw Jungkook’s eyes shut from some of the camera’s flashes. He lowered his hat to shield his eyes from the blinding light coming from cameras that was shoved too close to be comfortable toward him. Despite all that, he still managed to smile and waved politely.

Jimin pulled down his camera, letting it hung around his neck while keeping his eyes on the boy. Jungkook was searching again, it was much subtler than how he did it a few days ago but still didn’t go unnoticed by Jimin, then, for the third times his eyes found Jimin’s. For the first time ever Jimin didn’t feel nervous at having those deep black eyes looking straight at him, even though it was the first time that they stared at each other directly and not through the lens. Jimin didn’t know what had possessed him that the usual nervousness or giddiness he felt just from seeing Jungkook’s back didn’t happen (or at least not as strong as usual). He didn’t know what made him decided to do it but fuck it. So he smiled at Jeon Jungkook, fully showing his teeth, his eyes closing and forming a pretty thin crescent-like shape.


 

Jungkook didn’t expect that, not at all. He didn’t even realize that he was searching for the guy with the black canon camera when he realized that guy currently wasn’t taking his picture and instead just stood there and froze. It was the first time he got to see the guy’s face fully without the camera blocking it. Seeing that smile, Jungkook halted his step, he exhaled with his mouth as the air seemed to be leaving his lung.

Pretty, resilient and calming, it was everything that went through his mind that moment. Pretty, because not everyone could create such smile, that his lips wasn’t the only thing that smiled but his whole face glowed, sparkling along with it. Jungkook could tell between a fake smile and a sincere one really well, he grew up by seeing it everyday. But Jimin’s smile was nothing but sincere, given to him unconditionally as if he had saved that one smile only for Jungkook.

Resilient, because just one smile and Jungkook could feel the tons of weight on his shoulder lifted as if it was nothing. It turned bricks into feathers, tiredness into liveliness. As if it pushed Jungkook forward and told him to leave all those burden away.

Comforting, because it was so soothing, reassuring like summer breeze or hot cappuccino during winter, perfectly timed right when Jungkook needed it the most.

It was as if the spell was broken when his manager pushed him lightly to move forward, as if the earth started turning again.

It didn’t last more than a few seconds but it sure felt like hours.

Jungkook couldn’t wait to see that smile again.

7.

“I told you I don’t need anything,” Jimin grumbled as his brother pushed him inside the familiar restaurant of the 5 star hotel owned by their family. Seokjin was forcing him to wear his best suit and went as far as telling him to put some decent make-up and Jimin totally had a weird feeling about all this because Seokjin was a person full of surprise.

“I swear you’re going to love this,” Seokjin beamed as he pulled the sliding door that lead toward the private VVIP room that was usually used by their important business partner. Jimin had never been in such room before because he wasn’t exactly someone that fell into that important category.

Jimin was still trying to escape from his brother when he pushed him inside and closed the door. He almost fell on his knees before he pulled himself up and looked up only to find someone was already sitting there right in front of him. He was wearing a gray suit and his hair was pulled up neatly, he was so familiar, Jimin remembered that face clearly, every contour, every bumps, every faint little scar marks there, Jimin knew everything about that face, and he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind didn’t fool him.

“Hi,” Jungkook greeted him first as he stood up from his seat.

Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook was there right in front of him.

“…hi.” Jimin answered hesitantly his mind was either too blank or too full.

“Take a seat,” Jungkook said as he sat back.

It was the first time he had a conversation with Jungkook. He used to envy the other fansite when they talk about their interaction with Jungkook during fansign. He was glad he decided not to attend fansign because just from sharing a few words with Jungkook he could already feel his hands trembling and his whole body went rigid out of nervousness.

“Oh, right,” Jimin mumbled softly as he pulled his chair and sat right in front of Jungkook.

“Jeon Jungkook.” Jungkook reached out his hand from across the table and Jimin was staring at it for a while before he took it.

“I know, but, well, Park Jimin.” Jimin smiled as he shook the big and rough hand.

“I know too, I mean I didn’t know who you are but I know you.” Jimin almost jumped from his seat out of joy knowing that Jeon Jungkook actually remembered him.

Jimin collected himself before he hesitantly asked, “sorry but, why are you here?”

Jungkook chuckled in amusement slightly before he answered, “your brother said that he wants me to meet you on your birthday.”

It surprised Jimin how much different Jungkook was compared to his usual idol demeanor, it was unlike how he met him at the airport or broadcast station, how it was a complete ease and lingering familiarity like meeting a longtime friend. Jeon Jungkook in front of him was tense, slightly awkward but his stare pierced through Jimin, it was as if the smile that graced his lips was photoshopped, cut out from another picture before it was placed there and it didn’t fit. Jimin knew really well how Jungkook’s face muscle flexed when he smiled, how his eyes closed and his nose crinkling and his bunny teeth was on full display. The smile Jungkook gave him was curt, out of politeness and somehow unwilling.

“I’m sorry, did he bother you?” Jimin finally asked.

“Does it usually go like this?” Jungkook blurted.

“What?”

“You know, I was expecting someone like you to be more direct. I don’t mean to be rude but can we just go straight to the business?” Jungkook‘s eyes sharp and his words biting, making Jimin squirmed in his seat.

“Sorry, someone like me?” Jimin asked as his tone tensed.

“You know, rich kids who can get whatever they want in a snap of fingers,” Jungkook’s smile was gone and Jimin finally realized that Jungkook never wanted to be there with him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jimin tried to hide how his voice was trembling while he clenched his fists tighter.

Jungkook heaved a sigh, letting out a little chuckle like Jimin just said the funniest thing he’d ever heard and Jimin’s heart sunk. Jungkook’s laugh had always had that twinkling feeling to it, it always gave Jimin a sense of comfort and softness, but not tonight.

“You want to be my sponsor aren’t you? You want to sleep with me right?” Jungkook continued, his eyes wandered from Jimin’s eyes down to his neck and chest. Jimin wanted the ground to swallow him whole, to hide from the embarrassment of how Jungkook was looking at him like he was some sort of display for stock of laugh.

Jimin opened his mouth but no words came out, he just closed it, losing both his words and air to breath.

Anything, say anything, he screamed inside.

“My CEO told me to serve you well,” Jungkook smirked, he kept his voice low and polite but still with intention of hidden mockery. He shallowly stabbed Jimin with all those little sentences and smiles, where it deep enough to hurt but not deep enough to kill and Jimin would prefer that Jungkook just stab right at his heart and kill him right there.

A long silence, Jimin inhaled to calm himself down, finally staring at Jungkook. You’re good at this, stay calm, he scolded himself.

“If you hate it so much you shouldn’t come,” despite how bad he wanted to sound angry rather than sad, Jimin couldn’t hide the trembling of his voice, he just hoped Jungkook didn’t care enough to notice that.

“I couldn’t risk losing my job, sir.” This Jungkook was so different from the Jungkook he saw through his lens, the pure and a boy full of talent, the Jungkook in front of him was someone else, like this Jungkook and that Jungkook were two completely different person.

Jimin’s legs itching to get up, to get out of the room and forget any of this ever happened, or hoped that he would wake up soon inside his rundown apartment and realized it was just a dream, a really bad dream.

“You always do this aren’t you?” Jimin’s eyes glistened from tears that formed and threatened to spill.

“What?” Jungkook asked defensively as he gripped his wine glass.

“You push everyone who tries to approach you.”

“I’m not pushing you away, we need each other,” Jungkook replied, and if only those words meant the way it was Jimin would have his heart thumping out of joy.

“What if…” Jimin felt a lone tears trailed down his left cheek but decided to ignore it.

“What if… among those people whom you pushed away or going to in the future, there’s actually someone, someone who’s sincere.” And he was, Jimin was sincerely supporting Jungkook. He laughed when Jungkook laughed at something, he cried when Jungkook cried during his birthday video when the staff surprised him by scolding him from the mistake he didn’t really make. Why every effort he put had never been enough, for his father and for Jungkook. He gave his raw sincere pounding heart for them only to be stomped and crushed. One bead, went to two and three and before he knew it Jimin had his face damp with tears rolling down non-stop, fuck, he cursed himself, he promised not to cry himself like an idiot anymore, but here he was in front of his source of hope, his source of reason to continue living his dull empty life, crying like a toddler after having his heart broken into pieces.

Jungkook would be lying if he said he didn’t have any hint of regret for saying everything he had said to Jimin when he saw tears started rolling down on Jimin’s cheeks, how broken and how disappointed he looked.

Jimin stood from his seat, knocking down his chair as he did.

“I’m sorry, I always wanted to meet you, but not like this, I don’t know what my brother said to your CEO but don’t worry I won’t let you lost your job for not…sleeping with me,” Jimin rushed his words out as he quietly sobbed in between before he ran out of the room leaving the puzzled Jungkook.

Because I’m a satellite, after looking at you for a while, after standing with hope maybe, the road looks the same, I move my feet finally, that’s what I am.

8.

“Jimin why are you crying?” Seokjin stood up from his seat when he saw Jimin was come rushing out of the room.

“Are you happy now?” Jimin gritted his teeth as he wiped the tears that refused to stop flowing out.

“Jimin?” Seokjin grabbed Jimin’s arm tightly, staring worriedly at his little brother.

“Please, stop doing this hyung, stop acting like you care,” Jimin said while wiping off the tears and Seokjin panicked, he was expecting Jimin to jump on him while giving him that blinding eye smile, he was expecting a happy tears and not such broken one coming out of those beautiful eyes.

“Jimin wait!” Jimin was already running out before Seokjin could catch him so he ran back toward where Jungkook was.

9.

“What happened?” Jungkook was still sitting on his chair, he hung his head low before he lifted it up when Seokjin suddenly entered the room, and Seokjin knew that Jimin wasn’t the only one crying that night.

“I’m afraid I don’t have anything to explain,” Jungkook shook his head weakly.

“Maybe there’s some misunderstanding between you and my CEO,” he smiled sadly, looking at Seokjin, his eyes screamed ‘I think I fucked up, help me’ as if he had done something that he would regret for the rest of his life.

“Tell me what happened,” Seokjin demanded as he slid a chair beside Jungkook. Jungkook was telling him everything while his head droop weakly the whole time, hiding the shame from everything he had said and done that night.

10.

Jimin’s phone had been ringing non-stop since a week ago, he chose to ignore everything, indulging himself on self loathe while wishing that he could forget everything as fast as it happened.

Seokjin finally left him with a message.

From: Seokjin Hyung

There’s some misunderstanding, Jungkook feels sorry too, his CEO apologized. Call me as soon as possible.

I’m sorry.

Jungkook didn’t lose his job, but Jimin lost his.

11.

Jungkook was having an argument with his CEO that night, he apologized to Jungkook after Seokjin berated him for concluding what Seokjin mean with ‘having dinner with his little brother’ into ‘sleeping with him’. Seokjin was furious at them though he couldn’t really blame Jungkook, the 20 years old boy must had been shocked when he heard someone wanted to buy him but that didn’t change the fact that Jungkook had hurt Jimin. Seokjin admitted he was wrong too that the way be approached Jungkook’s CEO from offering a large sum of money might be the cause of all this misunderstanding.

Jungkook didn’t say anything more to Seokjin besides asking him to tell Jimin that it was a misunderstanding that he was really sorry for everything he said to Jimin that night, for hurting him, for making him cry.

12.

Jungkook was checking himself up for the last time on the airport bathroom mirror before he finally came out to greet his awaiting fans.

“What’s with you? You keep checking yourself out,” Jungkook’s manager snickered and only gained a scoffed from the idol.

He walked outside and soon his eyes were searching, waving and smiling that earned screams from each corner where his fans stood. The familiar shutter and flash was something that Jungkook never really enjoyed before but somehow today, he craved it, he hoped one of those shuttering sound came out from the boy’s camera that usually stood there between all the fangirls, holding his black canon camera that Jungkook remembered so clearly. Jungkook’s genuine smile faltered when he couldn’t locate where that guy was. It was more than a week already, he thought Jimin knew that it was all misunderstanding and he would come back and give him that smile that once had caused Jungkook’s heart to skip a beat right in the center of the airport when he saw it, but there was no Jimin, there was no his favorite fansite owner.

Jungkook was in complete sour mood the whole day, he refused to talk with any of his staff, knowing it wasn’t exactly the first time Jungkook was like this they left him alone for the time being, after all their only concern was whether the show went out perfectly or not. Jungkook’s mind was full of the brown haired short male who’s smile would put the sun into shame, who’s eyes prettier than any member of girl group he had went across, or how his lips was perfectly plump, looked so soft, and prettily pink. And Jungkook, instead of being grateful from finally able to witness all those up close was acting like an asshole instead, making the smile disappear, the beautiful eyes flooded with tears, and the lips swollen from the biting in attempt of muffling the sobs.

When a week turned to two, three and four, Jungkook realized that his apology that he didn’t even convey directly was never going to be enough to put back every pieces of Jimin’s heart that he had broken that night.

13.

A month after he shut himself out Jimin was finally back to his sense, not fully yet but not like there was anything he could do about it, might as well live with it. He had only been sleeping and eating, and trying to get over Jungkook all this time. He couldn’t really say that he succeeded at getting over Jungkook, not at all. Because Jeon Jungkook had been part of Jimin’s life for the past year, his daily life, his schedule was filled with meeting Jungkook, taking and arranging Jungkook pictures, drawing him, listening and singing his song, watching him, and admiring him. Had he known that it’d hurt this much he would have stayed back behind the fence, watching the flower bloom silently. He should never dared to climb over the fence and touched the flower only to get himself hurt by its thorn.

Jeon Jungkook was everything Jimin had always wished to be. He was a homeless in front of Jungkook because Jeon Jungkook had everything Jimin ever wanted. Because despite walking on a gold bridge with flowers thrown on his walk path all his life he didn’t have what he wanted the most. Jungkook was living the dream Jimin had to let go a long time ago when his father dismissed it like it wasn’t something that keeping his son sane all this time. Jungkook had the life Jimin wanted to live even for just a brief moment, to taste how sweet it is standing on stage, performing like it was the sole reason for his existence.

At some point Jimin believed his father’s words, that it was just a phase, like a little kid crying his heart out for a toy only to throw it away once there was something more interesting, he thought he was like that too (he used to be when he was just a spoiled rich kid). He wanted to be a singer just because he saw how Taeyang glowed and how he lost himself on stage like nothing else matters. Maybe Jimin was just curious to know how it was like, he’d get over it soon, he tirelessly kept telling himself that.

But then came Jeon Jungkook, a boy two years younger than him, a boy who confessed once in an interview that he never wanted anything else in his life but to be a singer, a boy who only knew about singing and dancing his whole life, for Jeon Jungkook it wasn’t just a momentary curiosity or interest, it wasn’t that Iron Man robot Jimin cried his heart out to have -that he brought everywhere he went, that he slept with, that glued to him- only to be thrown into the basket along with other countless forgotten toys not even a month later. For Jeon Jungkook, it was a lifelong dream.

It took years for Jimin to finally realized, that no, it was different from all the toys he had thrown. Because after years of watching Big Bang, he still had that lingering feeling in the pit of his heart, it left a bitter taste there, there was a round of regret of not trying harder to achieve it, of not being stubborn enough to keep telling his father that he wanted this. Maybe he should cry his heart out like he did when he was five if it meant he could stand there under the spotlight. He realized he never wanted anything so bad that he’d willingly exchanged his life with Jeon Jungkook’s. How bad he wished that money could buy him a whole new life, Jeon Jungkook’s kind of life.

He watched Jungkook as if he was living vicariously through it. He envied everything that Jeon Jungkook had, his ability, his resolute, even more was his parents support. Everything that Jimin couldn’t have, everything he couldn’t buy. Those jealousy soon turned to admiration and fondness and soon to something close to love. He wanted to support Jungkook’s dream as if it was his own.

 

There was nothing left. No Jeon Jungkook, no vicariously watching him from afar. No one else’s dream to be supported anymore.

Jimin was about to order black been noodle that he had been eating all this month when he realized that his wallet was empty, no earning for a month was definitely draining his wallet off. Jimin sighed deeply as he slumped back on his bed when the tip of the golden card peeked from his wallet, his golden credit card that he had never used before because he was so full of himself, thinking that he could feed himself without his father’s help though all he had been doing was taking pictures of Jungkook pathetically.

Jimin closed his eyes and frowned before he sigh deeply, no matter how hard he try it would never been enough. He thought, probably, he should start accepting his fate as a chaebol's second son and act like one, do nothing and just spend all the money. If he just kept himself out of the light, not doing anything, not causing trouble and spend all the money then at least he would be good enough for his dad, it was definitely better to cry inside the Lamborghini than inside this shitty apartment he had.

Jimin took his long neglected phone with uncountable notifications and called his brother.

“Jimin? Are you okay, why are just calling now, I’m worried sick you know?” As soon as the line connected Seokjin bombarded him with all the questions and all the explanations that Jimin actually didn’t really want to hear anymore.

Hyung…” Jimin cut him off before Seokjin finished his rambling about everything that happened over a month ago.

“Yeah?”

“I need a job.”

“But you have one, right?”

“Not anymore.” Seokjin gasped at the realization.

“Y-you quit? Listen Jimin if you quit because—“

“No. Really. I just had enough and…and tired, just give me any position in the company.” Seokjin almost could see the fatigue from how weak and distant Jimin’s voice was.

“What position do you want?” Seokjin said, he had prepared some position for Jimin since long time ago, Jimin was a smart boy and Seokjin believed he only need some experiences to be as good as him at doing his job and to help Seokjin with the company later.

“Whatever position for the second child,” Jimin said flatly. Seokjin would be lying if he said those words didn’t hurt him. He knew how much being the second actually mean to Jimin, how much his brother was kept being reminded that being the second is equal as not being anything at all.

“Jimin…” Seokjin whinned, his sounded crestfallen.

“Oh, shut up hyung, everywhere is fine, tell me when you find one.” Jimin was about to hung up when Seokjin talked again.

“When do you think you’re ready to start working?”

“Tomorrow is fine for me, and yeah, can you help me moving to that apartment building that mom gave me last year?”

Seokjin had too much surprise today, not something he could say he was happy about. But at least his brother was moving on.

“Yes, of course I’ll help you, do you want me to send a truck?” Seokjin asked.

“No need to, there’s not much that I’ll bring, just send me back my car, I’ll move by myself.”

“W-what about your scooter?”

“I’m giving it to Hoseok, he always want it anyway,” Jimin stated so easily as if it wasn’t something he had held dear all this years.

“Jimin what’s wrong with you?” Seokjin asked cautiously, he thought he would be happy if Jimin choose to live his life like how he should be, but Seokjin never thought that it would feel this heart breaking instead.

“What? I’m just tired and I thought how about trying to act like rich kids who can get whatever they want with a snap of fingers for once.” Jimin hung up before Seokjin could ask anything more.

 

14.

Satellite97 will be permanently close down as of today, thank you for all the support.

 

15.

“I heard you started working at the company?” Jimin’s dad started during their monthly dinner together.

“Yes, it’s only been a week.” Jimin said as he looked at his father whom just nodded.

“You don’t have any trouble son?” Her mother asked this time.

“Not really.”

“Just remember to—“ His dad’s words was cut off before he could finish and both Seokjin and Ms. Park’s stared wide-eyedly at Jimin.

“Not to cause any trouble, not to stand out.” Jimin said as he took another bite of his raspberry panna cotta.

Mr. Park only cleared his throat before he continued to eat. He wouldn’t say that Jimin wasn’t exactly right about it.

Work hard, son.

 

16.

Jeon Jungkook filed a lawsuit for contract nullification to his company.

The news caught his attention, he hadn’t heard that name for months. But the news he saw wasn’t something he actually glad to hear, he held no grudge toward Jungkook it was all just a misunderstanding Seokjin kept reminding him that over and over, but still he ran away, too embarrassed and too hurt to face Jungkook after everything.

He knew that Jungkook still had 3 years left contract with his company, Jimin read through the article but there wasn’t any clear statement as of why Jungkook was suing his company. It was said that it was because of a mere of misunderstanding and overworking, but Jimin knew there was definitely something more to cause such an obedient kid like Jungkook went as far as filing a lawsuit.

And before he could think straight he called his brother.

“What happened to Jungkook?” Jimin tried to sound as calm as he could though Seokjin totally caught into it.

“We’re still not sure though, I’m still trying to contact Jungkook.”

“You knew about this?” Jimin asked.

“Of course, our company always wanted to take Jungkook and make him our ambassador and I think right now is the right chance to take him in, what do you think?”

Jimin frowned at that.

“Don’t tell me we also have some kind of entertainment agency?” Even if he was literally the son of the owner it still shocked Jimin each time he found out more about his company.

“We own almost everything Jimin, I’m not bragging, but really,” Seokjin almost blurted cute but stopped himself, knowing really well that Jimin wasn’t really fond of being babied by him.

“Oh.” Jimin muttered softly at the late realization of how rich his family was and followed by another giggle from Seokjin.

“But we never really have idol before, mostly just actors and actresses, so if Jungkook signed with us he’ll be our first idol. Aren’t you happy?” Seokjin teased because he knew really well that Jimin calling him without second hesitation when he knew something happened to Jungkook was a prove that Jimin still at least care about the idol.

“And why are you asking me that? I’m hanging up.”