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Why couldn't you sleep, Cat ?

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She had been awoken by sharp knocks on her appartement door. Knocks, followed by screams. Loud noises that would have woken up a dead body. Stirring, she moaned, still half-asleep, curled up inside her warm and sweet sheets. The room was pitch dark, proof that it was way-too-early to wake up. And yet, an insistant stranger was bothering her in the middle of the night. So painfully awake, Kara Danvers had considered opening this goddam door and send the stranger off. What kind of person would do that anyway? Then she had decided that she needed her bed more than a worthless fight.
The past days had been hell. She needed to rest. Rest and forget. Rest and dream.
Dream that they were together, that she hadn’t left. Dreams of Krypton and family. Those she loved and had lost.
She had closed her eyes again, not even daring to make a move. Drifting into unconsciousness.
It was pointless. A vain quest.
The stranger kept on banging at the door, shouting her name desperately. She knew this voice, and yet, her state didn’t allow her to put a name on it. She was probably dreaming. And what an unpleasant vision.
Now, the neighbors were angry at her, moaning and groaning. She could hear them through the walls that separated their appartement. Grumpy at this disturbance. The reporter glanced at her alarm clock. It was three in the morning after all. In three hours, she would have to wake up and get ready to work for Snapper. His name alone raised a deep, desperate moan. The two of them weren’t exactly getting along… Truth to be told, he had already messed up with her in a way Miss Grant would never had. He never had a word to encourage her, always bringing her down. Pushing her instead of helping her. The girl wasn’t used to that. Not after Miss Grant.
Kara sighed.
Another shortened night.
She hadn’t had a good night since Cat’s departure. Something was keeping her from resting, waking her up in the middle of the night crying, shaking, sweating. So, sometimes, she would put her suit on, and roam the cities, looking for something, anything to distract her mind.
One day, she had found herself searching for her former boss, willing to make sure she was fine. The wind had pushed her towards the CEO’s penthouse, pitch dark. She was gone. Of course…
She mumbled that she was coming, her voice still heavy, and broken, slipped into her fluffy unicorn slippers, and made her way to the wooden door. Her steps were slow and lazy, proof of her intense tiredness.
Her eyes were still sleepy as she opened, her golden locks messy from the semblance of sleep she had. Comfy inside of her warm pinky pyjama, never she had considered the fact that she was displaying herself that way in front of a stranger.
A breathtakingly beautiful stranger that wasn’t that of an outsider.
She smiled sleeplessly and then her heart stopped.
These eyes, that smile.
Cat Grant was here.
Cat Grant her boss. Former boss.
The woman she hadn’t seen in weeks. Month.
She was here, beautifully wet from the rain, breathless and obviously pissed.
Scared and shaking.
Weak and powerful.
She was here, wearing a damped white blouse, soaked to the core, her hair dripping on her shoulders, enveloped by the light of the corridor.
She had no umbrella, or any kind of protection to face the stormy night. Nothing.
And yet here she was, in front of her, goddess of her past, queen of her heart.

« Miss Grant ? What are- ? Are you okay? »

Something was obviously wrong. Why would Miss Grant be there? Wasn’t she supposed to be in France? Why her of all people ? Kara knew how much the CEO hated this kind of area filled with people who had made certain choices in life, scared by the dark streets. She wouldn’t be here unless this was important.The neighborhood wasn’t safe. Did she walk here? It appeared so. Why else would she be so soaked? Her heart clenched thinking of what could have happened to her beloved friend. She could have been hurt, lost. And wet as she was, she was going to get sick.
She couldn’t let anything happen to the woman she loved on her watch.
Because she was in love with her.
The blond girl had been shy about it at first, not willing to admit what she truly felt. She had fought these feelings for years, caring about her boss without showing it too much. Then, Cat went away. Cat left her alone with her thoughts. At least, the distance had allowed her to come in peace with the truth. After all, Cat was gone. Her love remained untouched. Unfulfilled. Never forgotten.
Something was wrong, and she could see it from her friend’s weary eyes. Of course, Cat was stunning. She always was. Her make-up, despite the rain, was still flawless, and she hadn’t changed. A drop of rain fell on her pinky lips. Kara cleared her throat nervously.
Did something happen to Carter? Why was she back?
Her silence was killing her more and more. Cat was only looking at her, staring right into her soul.
Her green orbs observed her in a way she had never seen, seemed to absorb every once of her person. There was admiration, conflict inside these stormy iris.

« I couldn’t sleep. » She finally blurted out, whispering into the darkness of the night.

The heroin almost giggled, and instead sighed of relief considering her former boss’s revelation. It was true, genuine and almost heart-breaking. So like Miss Grant. God! She had expected the worse! During the many seconds following the moment she had opened the door, Kara had thought about many terrible stories. What if Cat was actually dying? Or Carter? Did something happen in France? Was she hurt?
No. None of that. Cat Grant only had troubles sleeping, which is why she was standing in her former assistant’s doorway.

« Miss Grant, come in please. You need to dry yourself. You are going to catch a cold if you stay on my doorst-» She tried, noticing the older woman’s shivers, but she was interrupted by a finger placed on her soft lips, still heavy from sleep.

The reporter froze, dumbfounded. This simple touch, the feeling of her skin had been enough to awaken forgotten memories. She remembered the hugs they had shared, the way Miss Grant’s fingers had tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, the way their hands brushed when they shared a coffee… She took a deep breath. The woman finger outlined her lips carefully, touching lightly and almost shyly her skin, her cheek. A soft smiled painted itself on the Queen of All Medias. Tenderness. Was she dreaming? Was Cat really here?
Kara had imagined their reunion too many times. None of them looked like this. It was painful and wonderful. She only wanted to pull the other woman for a long, warm hug, protect her from the threats, dry her so that she would not fall ill. Instead, she didn’t move, listening closely.

« I have been trying. I have taken my pills. I went to see a doctor. I thought something was wrong about me. Why couldn’t I sleep? »

Why couldn’t you sleep Cat?
Is it for the same reason I barely slept too?
Was it because you missed me the way I’ve missed you?
Because you were scared? Alone?
Why couldn’t you sleep, Catherine?
Did you forget how to swim?
You dived into the unknown, leaving the safe shore you fought to reach. Leaving me behind.
You saw the sea and you took the plunge, never imagining what could be underneath the water.
It was cold, and the raging waves got the best of you.
Did you drown, Cat, just like I did?

« I couldn’t sleep, Kara. Because of you. »

It hit her like an arrow in the chest, and suddenly, her legs were shaking, her heart racing inside of her chest, willing to escape.
Because of you.
Because of you I’ve started to let people in.
Because of you, I couldn’t sleep.
Everything happens for a reason. Kara was Cat’s reason.

« Me? »

Cat Grant suddenly took a step closer, invading her former assistant’s personal space shamelessly. And Kara didn’t move away. The Queen of all medias’s perfume invaded her nose, and the whole world fell apart. It smelled like apple with a sweet glimpse of mystery. And the fragrance brought back memories.
She remembered the hours spent on the balcony, just the two of them, talking, helping each other the way they always had. Their hugs. A little unsettled, the Danvers girl smiled.
She was the reason Cat Grant couldn’t sleep.
She had won.

« You have told me something, one day. Something I remind myself every day. You told me I was your mentor, your role model… which is why I have been trying to show you the way. The good way so that you don’t repeat my mistakes. »

Her green eyes were shining in the coldness of the night. She was leaning against the door frame, tired as ever and yet oddly determined. Determined to do what? Repair weeks of absence just like that? It was impossible.
Where had she been when she needed her? When Snapper had made fun of her in front of the entire team? When he had bullied her? Not a call. Not a text. Nothing for weeks. What kind of model would do that?
And yet, seing her standing there, weak and shaking made her heart quiver. She was back. She came back. For her.

« I’ve told you many things, Kara. And you have listened. Recently, I told you to dive. »

In order to live, we must keep daring. Keep diving.
Kara had dived. She did.
She had broken up with James, tearing herself from a loveless relationship. She had become a reporter and had proudly defended her place. She had spent some time with Superman. She had done what she was afraid to do.
Did she feel alive? Not really. At least not as much as she was feeling now.
Being near Cat, feeling her, warm and well, was everything she had ever dreamed of. Close to the woman she was in love with, she was stronger.
El mayarah.

« And I didn’t. »

Cat’s voice broke down. Her jade orbs fell on the ground, staring into the none. She was still shivering. Was she still cold? Was there something else?

« But you left. » Stated the young heroin.

Cat chuckled lightly, almost sadly. Her eyes were lost in the middle of nowhere. Regret. That’s what she could read into the CEO’s eyes. Regret, despair. Hope. A question.
Do you forgive me?
Do you forgive me for not understanding who I was? For being late?
Can you forgive me for abandoning you the way everybody did before?
Can you forgive me, Kara?

« I thought it would be enough. I thought It was what I needed. » She continued.

« What did you need?»

You. I needed you.
I needed to feel you near me, feel your heart beating.
Hear your voice.
Smell your perfume.
I needed you to be there for me, so that I could be there for you too…
I just needed you.

« I’ve been staring at my ceilings for hours, wondering why I couldn’t sleep. Why I couldn’t think of anything else.»

Suddenly, Cat took her former assistant’s hands in hers, lacing their finger into a warm embrace. She placed their hands on the top of her chest, right where her heart was racing. Kara followed the mouvement, not daring to pronounce a sound, scared and soothed. She could feel her blood running through her veins, count the beating of her heart, touch her cold and yet soft perfect skin.
Her mind exploded. Her body didn’t respond.
Especially not when, out of despair, the older blond brought her hand to her lips, kissing tenderly her knuckles.

« Every time I closed my eyes, I saw your pretty face, your Sunny Danvers smile. You’ve been hunting me. For weeks. »

She had dreamt about Cat too. Many times. Almost every night.
Sometimes, they were happy. In love. Together at last.
Sometimes, she was dying in her arms.
Often would Kara wake up crying.
Too many times would she try to move on, knowing she wouldn’t be able to.
Kara’s memory had been hunting Cat the way Cat had been hunting Kara. They were ghost of the past, present and future.
The reporter had tried to forget about her former boss.
She hadn’t been able to.
She was in love.
Madly in love.
Nothing could ever change that.

« Until I realized that I needed to dive. »

And then, Cat Grant captured her former assistants’s lips, pulling her collar closer to her in a desperate attempt to feel. To love and feel loved. Giving up. Diving in. She kissed her, their lips crashed, fought and melted into a firework of emotion. Cat’s hands were buried into her locks, caressing this soft messy river of pure gold. Kara held her breath, processing what was actually happening, her mind and heart racing. Cat Grant was kissing her. Cat Grant had made all this way only to tell her this and kiss her.
Suddenly, all the pain, all the worries were forgotten, replace by something even more powerful and strong.
Love. Real love.
And so Kara Danvers stopped thinking and deepened the kiss, tenderly pulling the woman she was in love with closer by her hips. It was eager and heated. It was desperate and genuine.
It was everything.
They had dived.
And this time, they weren’t afraid.
As long as they were together.