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Hamilween

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HappyHamilween added ActualAngel, peg-the-walker, elizaluvspuppies, trtlfckr666, I-Am-Lafcelot, disneydemigod to the group chat

HappyHamilween named group chat Hamilween

HappyHamilween: Yo yo yo, motherfuckers!
trtlfckr666: What. The. Hell. Hamilton?
ActualAngel: Alexander? What the hells Hamilween? What are you doing?
peg-the-walker: Alex?
HappyHamilween: Yes! Peggys getting into the Hallween spirit, yo!
trtlfckr666: Oh no. He's got an idea
I-Am-Lafcelot: Merde! Alex! Don't get me involved!
trtlfckr666: Or me!
disneydemigod: I'm not making you a Halloween costume Alex so don't even ask
HappyHamilween: Boo! Hercules stop being a dick!
disneydemigod: Your being a dick, Hamilton
HappyHamilween: what happned to my firs tname Mulligan?
elizaluvspuppies: You don't deserve one, Hamilton
HappyHamilween: Ow! My own girfriend! You wound me Eliza

HappyHamilween added wait4it to Hamilween

wait4it: Hamilton? What the shit is this?
HappyHamilween: Aaron Burr, sir!
trtlfckr666: Nah. I ain't dealing with this shit
ActualAngel: Alex, seriously what are you doing?

peg-the-walker changed username to negan-killed-peg

HappyHamilween: Come on guys. Halloween's next week
HappyHamilween: Next Monday
I-Am-Lancelot: This has to do with us how?
wait4it: and why am I hear?
elizaluvspuppies: Why are any of us here?
HappyHamilween: Because I wanna throw a party
disneydemigod: ... Go on
ActualAngel: Alex parties are always good
disneydemigod: Hey remember wheh Alex got ungerage drunk an stoof up on that table?
I-Am-Lafcelot: When he tried to get down he fell and broke his arm!
wait4it: Oh man that was hilarious. He didn't wven notice it
trtlfckr666: we had to drag hia Ss to the hospital cuz he din't think anything was worng! Man in hinssight that was rlly funnt but not at the tim e
elizaluvspuppies: oh wait! I rememr that! It was high school graduarion! He was in a cast all summer! Ahahahaha
negan-killed-peg: oh yeah! He was pissed because he coudln't right
negan-killed-peg: *write
negan-killed-peg: and he kept tryin'a smash the cast off but scremed in pain sch time he did it
ActualAngel: Like Homer Simpson with that stove. Ow hot and touches it again but ow hot
trtlfckr666: omg.
trtlfckr666: accurate. rofl
disneydemigod: I am howilng wit lauhgter here just had my niegbors hear to check im ok ahahahaha
wait4it: I think Im dying here sum1cumecyehj n,ndndindjdsh
I-Am-Lafcelot: I think Butr's had a storke lol
wait4it: nah, im fine. Just slammed random kets om my laptop. Rememer that was so funny. Sorry Alex but it was! Im duing! lmfao
HappyHamilween: Anyway, if y'all are done laughing at my misfrotune now, im throwing a Halloween Party and y'all are invited
HappyHamilween: The best halloween party columbia has ever seen
trtlfckr666: Whatms the catch?
HappyHamilween: help me throw it?
negan-killed-peg: I'm only helping if you can get Lin-Manuel Miranda to come
HappyHamilween: Manual labor? Yeah, there'll be lots of that don't worry Peggy
negan-killed-peg: I ever tell you how much I hate you alexander hamilton?
HappyHamilween: you love me really peggy

negan-killed-peg added TJEFFS to Hamilween

HappyHamilween: What. The shitting fuck? Get the hell out of here, Jefferson! You're a dick!
wait4it: What's going on?
elizaluvspuppies: Peggy added Thom-ass Jeffer-sucks
trtlfckr666: Nice one! Internet hi-five for you Eliza!
I-Am-Lafcelot: hahahaha
disneydemigod: Ha! Eliza wins the internet!
ActualAngel: I don't know why you guys hate Jefferson si much. He's not that bad
TJEFFS: nice to know I'm so universally beloved guys
elizaluvspuppies: You can add people?!
HappyHamilween: Yeah! The more the merrier
HappyHamilween: Unless it's Jeffersucks of course
TJEFFS: Wow. So clever, Hamilton

ActualAngel added marialewis to Hamilween

HappyHamilween: Maria!
negan-killed-peg: Awesome!
marialewis: Hey guys! What's going on here?
HappyHamilween: Halloween party! Yo yo yo!
marialewis: Wicked! I'm gonna be Tinkerbell
HappyHamilween: No, we're hosting a party
marialewis: No dressing up?
HappyHamilween: Maybe I don't know
disneydemigod: I am NOT sweing ay costumes!
wait4it: what? You want us to clean up after you?
HappyHamilween: no, WE will clean up after us.
ActualAngel: he wants it to be the best halloween party in the history of columbia
trtlfckr666: Alexandwr Hamilton for you.
negan-killed-peg: is Lin Manuel Miranda coning?
HappyHamilween: I don't even know who the fuck that is Peggy, be sensible
TJEFFS: a playwright and he looks a lot like you
HappyHamilween: Then that means he looks like a dog's asshole, right? Some insult meant to insu,t em right?
I-Am-Lafcelot: Actually, mon ami, Jefferstupid is right he does look like you
HappyHamilween: No way.
HappyHamilween: Holy shirt
HappyHamilween: *shit.
HappyHamilween: This dude is my fucking twin! I know who I'm going as for Halloween!
trtlfckr666: Hahahahaha! Holy fuck! Got curious and googled the Miranda guy and I swrear it's fucking Alex! Ahahaha!
ActualAngel: Alex, where did you say you were from?
HappyHamilween: Nevis why?
TJEFFS: My god, Madison has to see this shit
HappyHamilween: Fuck off Jeffuckyou
ActualAngel: Because I'm super suspicious about you and this Lin-Manuel Miranda guy
elizaluvspuppies: Haha! Doppelgangers!
wait4it: Twins separated at birth!
marialewis: What who? Imma Google this shit

TJEFFS added Jmadison to Hamilween

marialewis: Wait.
marialewis: Is that Alex? Alex, are you this Lin-Manuel Dude?
Jmadison: Thomas, what the fuck?
HappyHamilween: No, I'm not. But I have a Halloween costume now
HappyHamilween: Hey Madison
HappyHamilween: No more adding people to the group chat. That includes people that I hate. Looking at you Jeffershit
TJEFFS: Love you too Alexander
HappyHamilween: Throwing a Halloween party guys! Halloween is on next Monday!
Jmadison: Who's coming?
HappyHamilween: your all invited
HappyHamilween: except Jefferdick
trtlfckr666: Yeah, you can go and stay at home and wonder why nobody wants to be your friend
disneydemigod: Have your own party with that idiot Charles Lee and his friend that dick Samuel Seabury
I-Am-Lafcelot: Don't forget that George Eacker shitdick
TJEFFS: I love you all too
HappyHamilween: The fuck are you still doing here Jefferson? Go eat a sack of horseshit.
TJEFFS: Not one of your better insults, Hamilton.
HappyHamilween: Don't care. Fuck off.

TJEFFS changed username to TJEFFSOWEEN

HappyHamilween: What the fuck? That makes no sense!
TJEFFSOWEEN: Neither does HappyHamilween
HappyHamilween: Thatms my party now get lost! Go jump up your own ass!
HappyHamilween: from now on, everyone ignore Jefferstinks!
marialewis: Can do!
elizaluvspuppies: Gladly
I-Am-Lafcelot: Well, this is Alex's chat so...
HappyHamilween: Hamilween yo! Everyone's welcome to mine and John's place for party planning tomorrow!
trtlfckr666: Thanks for consulting me man
Jmadison: Wait, you're roommates still?
trtlfckr666: Yeah.
HappyHamilween: Yeah
HappyHamilween: Jinx
Jmadison: But you were dating and you broke up
HappyHamilween: I'm dating Eliza now
elizaluvspuppies: Yep! That's true!
Jmadison: Eliza, you're letting Alex be roommates with his ex?
elizaluvspuppies: Yep. I trust Alex.
trtlfckr666: Besides, I fuck turtles now
I-Am-Lafcelot: Thanks for that image, mon ami.
disneydemigod: Ahahahaha!
HappyHamilween: Seriously tho seriously. Come by mine and John's to plan the party. It's gonna be wicked.
negan-killed-peg: I'm coming Alex!
HappyHamilween: Yes! Peggy! I love you, girl!
elizaluvspuppies: You're gonna make me go because I'm your girlfriend, right?
HappyHamilween: Yeah, I am, Eliza.
elizaluvspuppies: And so ill go
ActualAngel: Since my sisters are going, I'm going!
HappyHamilween: Hamilween with the Schuyler sisters! Yes!
I-Am-Lafcelot: ... I'm coming too, Alexander
disneydemigod: Just don't expect any cosplays and I'll go.
trtlfckr666: Might as well, since it's in my apartment and all
wait4it: Can we bring guests?
HappyHamilween: Sure! Just as long as it's not Jeffucker
TJEFFSOWEEN: Love you, Hamilton!

wait4it added nooonotglenn to Hamilween

HappyHamilween: Wait.
HappyHamilween: Who's this?
wait4it: Theodosia
HappyHamilween: Theo who?
nooonotglenn: Theodosia. I'm Aaron's girlfriend.
trtlfckr666: Ah! What did I say! I said Burr had a girl and I was right! I'm brilliant!
HappyHamilween: Who tf is Glenn?
nooonotglenn: Walking Dead
negan-killed-peg: zomg Theodosia pls come to Alexander's Halloween party
negan-killed-peg: Im Peggy Schuyler
nooonotglenn: yassss another Walking Dead fan!
nooonotglenn: Aaron, we're going to that party.
HappyHamilween: AAAAAHHH! The whole Hamilsquad is going to be together yo! I love this!
wait4it: tf is Hamilsquad?
trtlfckr666: No. No I ain't your Hamilsquad. Change that now, Alex

HappyHamilween renamed the group chat Hamilsquad

I-Am-Lafcelot: No. Not dealing with this
disneydemigod: If anything, y'all are in the Mullisquad
HappyHamilween: Not as catchy as Hamilsquad
TJEFFSOWEEN: And your not invited into my Jeffersquad
HappyHamilween: The. Fuck. You haven't left yrt? Go away!
HappyHamilween: But that actually is a better portmanteau than Hamilsquad
HappyHamilween: Don't confuse that for a compliment, Jeffershithead. You're still a pathetic and feeble excuse for a human being and I still hate you
HappyHamilween: How you didn't escape your mother not looking like a human dildo is beyong me you fucking french weeaboo macaroni fucker white guilt milquetoast piece of human garbage
HappyHamilween: And another thing-
Jmadison: Alexander, stop it!
elizaluvspuppies: Human dildo! I am dying!
trtlfckr666: Ahahahahaha
wait4it: French weeaboo omg
I-Am-Lafcelot: Now I really am laughs a lot! Bwahaha
ActualAngel: And I really am an actual angel!
nooonotglenn: ... What just happenwd?
wait4it: Hamilton hates Jefferson
nooonotglenn: Yeah, but what's milquetoast mean?
HappyHamilween: Dunno. I heard it off Rick and Morty
marialewis: I go to mcdonalds and come back to find I missed an Alex Rant? Boo
marialewis: Hey Theo!
nooonotglenn: Hey Maria!
nooonotglenn: At least you got that last bit right. Jefferson is human garbage
HappyHamilween: Also from Rick and Morty
HappyHamilween: So Maria, James, are you coming to my pre-Halloween party?
marialewis: Hells to the yeah
Jmadison: Um... Maybe. Yeah. Why joe
Jmadison: fhat was supposed to be not. Not joe
HappyHamilween: Yeeeeeeesssss!
HappyHamilween: Operation Hamilween is a go!

Chapter Text

Alexander set his phone down right as his roommate walked through the door.

"Hey John." He greeted as casually as possible. 

"So. You're throwing a Halloween party." John almost slammed the door shut. 

Alexander shrugged. "Why not?" 

"What happened to watching the Halloween movie and going to the college's Halloween party?" 

"Last year's party sucked, John. Sucked harder than Thomas Jefferson on James Madison's dick." 

"Okay." John looked repulsed. "I really didn't need that image in my head." 

"I thought you were super gay." Alexander said.

"I am. I meant the image of Thomas Jefferson."  John replied. "Doing anything. That guy is awful."

"Remember when he picked on me for being overdressed and he was the one in a plum colored velour suit? And a fucking cravat."

John snorted loudly. "Yeah, the useless fucker. What was it he said?"

"That I dress like fake royalty." Alexander said. 

"Fucking douche." John sat down next to Alexander on the couch.

"And he was the one all dressed up like he was going to a Kanye West impersonators convention." Alexander said. He turned to look at John. At close range, Alexander could see tears in John's eyes, clearly he was trying desperately to hold in his laughter. The smile gave that away. 

"That was in debate club. Even Washington was taken aback by that. Dick only insulted me personally because he knew he was losing." Alexander said. "Like Trump when he says that the election is rigged." 

"Did you just compare Jefferson to Trump?" John turned away from Alexander. He cleared his throat, trying to disguise his laughter. Alexander knew John was laughing. His shoulders were moving far too much for him not to be laughing. Unless he was crying. Which Alexander doubted. 

"Well, they are both massive dickholes." Alexander said. "Only difference is Jefferson likes foreigners, but only if they come from France while Trump hates everyone."

John made a small whining sort of noise. Holding in his laughter. Alexander was determined to get John to laugh. 

"Jefferson may be dating James Madison, but we all know he'd rather get the actual French person in his pants." Alexander stood up. 

"'Ooh Lafayette, je suis Francais speaking. J'adore France et ma macaroni... Um... Tastes like I ejaculated all over it.'" Alexander said. "Oh come on, Laurens, that was my best impersonation of Jefferson."

Alexander sighed. "'Oh Lafayette, do you listen to Edith Piaf? J'adore Edith Piaf. I listen to Edith Piaf while I go up the Eiffel Tower, eat croissants and watch The Artist because I'm a pretentious douchenozzle."

With that, John let out an almighty howl and began to laugh very very loudly, much to Alexander's pleasure.


That night, Alexander and John went down to the student bar to meet Hercules, Lafayette and Aaron. They were already there drinking, having used Hercules' ID. Being 21, Hercules was the only member of the group old enough to drink.

"Yo, yo, yo!" John declared loudly. "What time is it?"

"Showtime!" Hercules, Lafayette and Aaron shouted back at him. 

"My Hamilsquad!" Alexander ran up to his other friends.

"I am not your 'Hamilsquad', Alexander." Aaron said. 

"But you're coming to Hamilween." Alexander pointed out. 

"So is James Madison." Hercules said. 

"As long as he doesn't bring his boyfriend along, I couldn't care less." Alexander shrugged. "Thomas Jefferson is a fuck." 

"Have you seen the way he treats that girl Sally Hemings?" Lafayette asked. "Like she is his, how you say, personal slave." 

"Well, he is paying her to be his personal assistant." Hercules shrugged. 

"Hercules, mon ami, there is a difference between assisting and what she does."

"Come to think of it," John set down his beer, "I did see her in Walmart the other day. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was picking up Thomas' groceries." 

"See, personal slave!" Lafayette slammed their glass down on the table so hard that it almost shattered. 

"Personal slave, huh?" Alexander frowned. "I wonder if he pays her to watch him and Madison go at it and-"

Alexander was interrupted by a hand on his mouth. A large one-belonging to Hercules. 

"No!" Lafayette shouted. 

"I don't want to hear any more!" Aaron's hands were over his ears. 

John, meanwhile, was laughing and banging a hand on the table. 

"Changing the subject, Alexander, what are your big 'Hamilween' plans?" Hercules asked. 

"You'll have to come by tomorrow, after lectures, of course." Alexander said. "How's your fashion degree going, by the way?"

"Ah, not too bad." Hercules shrugged. "Could be a lot worse. I have to design some clothes and sew them and shit by Christmas. Every little thing I'm getting graded on. If I do everything perfect but a stitch is in the wrong place, that A+ is going down to an F."

"A little bit of an exaggeration, Hercules." Lafayette chuckled. 

"How's your poly-sci going?" Hercules asked. 

"Washington's great. Adams is a dipshit. Like seriously. Fuck that guy. His wife's great though." Alexander shrugged. 

"Seconded." Aaron nodded and took a swig from his beer. His phone buzzed and vibrated on the table. He ignored it and carried on talking. "I hate Adams. He's a mess. He was talking really wooden like about diplomatic relations between France and the USA-you know, the revolutionary war and all that crap-and the dick points to Spain on a map instead of France." 

"You're kidding, right?" Hercules asked. Aaron's phone buzzed on the table again. 

"No, that actually happened." Alexander said. "Even though everyone in the class was dying to laugh, you know, it's the funniest thing he's ever done, right? Of course you're going to laugh, he just carried on ignoring it. Maybe he was just totally oblivious to the fact that he completely just shat the bed on that one. He carried on the lecture. Every time he talked about France, he pointed at Spain. I'd have been more embarrassed for him if he wasn't such a terrible professor."

"Mon dieu." Lafayette sniggered.

"Yeah, I can safely say none of that happened in veterinary science. Or art. All my professors are totally competent people who know their shit." John had a big smile on his face. 

"What about you, Laf?" Alexander asked right as Aaron's phone buzzed on the table again. "Any funny anecdotes from your international relations class?"

"Unfortunately not." Lafayette said. "Not like your Professor Adams." They took a sip from their glass of Coke. "He sounds awful." 

"He's worse than 'awful', Laf, he's horrendous." Aaron said. He shook his head and his phone buzzed on the table again. This time, he picked it up. "Oh shit." He frowned at the screen for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"Aaron?" Hercules asked. "This is out of character, what's going on?"

Aaron handed the phone to Hercules and wiped a tear from his eye.

Hercules took the phone and looked at it. "The fuck?" He began to laugh heartily. In between his choking for breath, he put Aaron's phone, screen down, on the table and slid it over to Lafayette.

Lafayette picked it up and took one look before throwing their head back and laughing uncontrollably. 

John caught a glimpse of the phone. His eyes widened and he began to pound his hand on the table again. 

Alexander was left staring at his friends, afraid that the room was somehow filled with laughing gas. "What's up?" He asked. 

"Ugh." Aaron rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "It's not funny, really. It's only funny because of who it is. You know Charles Lee and Samuel Seabury?"  

"Yeah?" Alexander frowned. 

"Well, I just had a text from another friend of mine-William Van Ness." Aaron explained. "Lee and Seabury were-"

"Y'ever see that documentary Sex Sent Me to the ER?" Hercules interrupted. 

Alexander shook his head.

"You're missing out, man." Hercules chuckled. "Because that's Lee and Seabury right now." 

"They're fucking?!" Alexander asked, his expression incredulous. 

"Mhm." Aaron nodded. "According to William. After they vehemently denied it and all. Had to go to the hospital because Seabury's roommate James walked in on it."

"Yeah, but why?" Alexander frowned. 

"Mon ami..." Lafayette put their hand on Alexander's shoulder. "Seabury needed-"

"Stitches in his asshole." John finished.  "Lee got a concussion." 

"How...?"

"Here, Alexander." Lafayette handed the phone to Alex, who read it. 

From: William

Thought you'd wanna know that Seabury and Lee are friends with benefits. Seabury's roomie walked in on them doing it. 

From: William

They were so startled that they had to go to the ER. Lee's concussed. Also tore Seabury's asshole wide open. Needed stitches. 

From: William

That's karma for saying that they weren't fucking and the gays are insidious and whatever other offensive crap they said

From: William

Always figured Seabury to be a bottom, the submissive little shit.

Alexander let out a chuckle and handed the phone back to Aaron. "At least Lee didn't snap his dick. Apparently that's a thing that can happen."

"Oh man, that would be so bad." John rubbed his eye. "But I wouldn't feel sorry for Lee. He's a shit covered asshole. I'd say 'he deserves it', but karmic retribution and all that shit."

"It was the last text that got me." Aaron said. 

"Always figured Seabury was a bottom, he's a submissive little shit." Hercules said, causing the group to laugh again. 

Alexander took a quick glance at his watch. "Guys, I have to go now."

"What?!" Hercules exclaimed.  

"Boo!" Lafayette huffed. 

"Yeah, I have this essay due in for Adams on the French and American Revolutions and I need to educate the douchebag where France actually is and then I gotta write another essay for his wife." Alexander explained. "You'll see me tomorrow when we plan the Halloween party-" 

"You mean the one that I'm not invited to?" 

Alexander knew that irritating voice anywhere. His hands curled up into fists as he turned on his heel to face Thomas Jefferson. Well, he looked up at Thomas Jefferson. He was taller than Alexander. James Madison stood by his side, looking pretty vacuous as usual.

"Piss off, Jefferson." Alexander said. "''M not in the mood." 

"In the mood for what, Li'l Hamilton?" Jefferson asked condescendingly. 

"Cutting your dick off and forcing it down your throat." Alexander replied. "Keep talking to me and I'll try just that. I mean, I'd feed it to my dog, but your friend George Eacker already shot and killed him."

"Eacker's not my friend." Jefferson said. He folded his arms. "I don't even like the guy myself." 

"Then I guess this is a case of 'the enemy of my enemy' and all that." Alexander said. 

"Come on, Alexander, ignore that guy." Hercules pulled Alexander back by his arm. "He's just trying to push your buttons." 

"I'll take you back to our apartment." John slammed his drink down on the table. 

"Nuh uh! Nobody's goin' anywhere." Jefferson said. 

"Thomas, just let Alexander go." James said, practically begging. 

"What? You suddenly on this guy's side, James?" Jefferson pointed in Alexander's face. "Thought you were better than to hang around with that guy. You know he ain't even loyal to his friends right? Probably doesn't even know what the word means. I'm willing to bet actual money that he's autistic. He's just another nasty little immigrant from fucking Mexico or whatever-"

At that exact moment, Alexander's fist collided with Jefferson's face with a loud crack. Jefferson staggered backwards and a hand flew straight to his bloody nose. Everyone in the bar looked on in shock. It was widely known that Alexander had always wanted to punch Jefferson in the face, but for him to actually do it...

"I'm from the West Indies." Alexander spat out. "Not Mexico or whatever." 

The reactions of Alexander's friends were all different. John stood up and began clapping. Hercules chuckled in disbelief. Aaron simply smiled, soaking in the moment. James and Lafayette, they both just stared on in shock. 

Lafayette broke the silence first. "You are going to be in such big trouble with Washington." They emphasized the word 'big'.

"Yeah, but come on, Laf, it was worth it." John patted Alexander on the back. "I'll take you home now." He chuckled. "Oh man."

As he passed through the bar, Alexander caught a glimpse of James Madison, still frozen in shock. 


Back in his and John's apartment, Alexander opened his laptop and fired up Microsoft Word before he logged onto Facebook. When he did log onto Facebook, he found numerous messages from the Schuylers demanding to know what was going on. 


HappyHamilween: Jeffucker was being a dick. So I punched him in the nose. Probably broke it too.
ActualAngel: No. Way
disneydemigod: Yeah way. I saw it with my own two eyes
HappyHamilween: He's even less invited to my Halloween party now

negan-killed-peg: Holy crap you are in SOOOO much trouble Alexander Hamilton 
I-Am-Lafcelot: thats what I said!
negan-killed-peg: I know, I got it from you.
wait4it: Honestly it was kinda brilliant
elizaluvspuppies: I bet you felt great after
HappyHamilween: Actually my knuckles are super bruised. But it was totes worth it. John wouldnt stop congratulating me
Jmadison: Am I still invited to the Halloween party?

HappyHamilween: Yeah. You didn't do anything. 
wait4it: if anything, he tried to get Jeffersucks off your back tbh
HappyHamilween: Oh shit. Guysssss.... This is bad
disneydemigod: what did you do NOW Alexander Hamilton?
HappyHamilween: In the morning... the dean wants to see me
I-Am-Lafcelot: I shall pray for you, mon ami.
disneydemigod: I'll make you a special suit so you can go open casket. 
ActualAngel: So, should I just bury you next to Philip or do you want your body flown back to Nevis?
elizaluvspuppies: ffs, Angelica, have you not seen Pet Semetary? And it's so close to Halloween. 
negan-killed-peg: WALKERS ANGELICA!!!!1 WALKERS
Jmadison: It's been nice knowing you Hamilton.
wait4it: you're gonna die, buddy.


Alexander closed his laptop slowly as the notifications kept coming. 

"Alexander, what the hell?" John walked into the room holding his phone. "The dean is actually going to murder you, you know."

"I know." Alexander said with a nod. "He's got that glint in his eye that just screams 'I love murdering my students and eating them'. Perhaps not the eating part. But I wouldn't be surprised." 

"Dude. Now I'm gonna have to get a new roommate. I can't afford the fucking rent alone. It's ridiculous!" 

"I'm sorry, Laurens." Alexander said through gritted teeth. 

"Don't be. It was fucking worth it." John sat down on the couch next to Alexander. "You punched Jefferson in the face. Fucking nitwit." 

"Am I the nitwit?" 

"Fuck no. Jefferson is." John looked at his phone. "Oh. It's confirmed by Madison. You broke Jefferson's nose."

"Good." Alexander shrugged. "Argumentative fucker deserved it." 

"You've also got a message of congratulations from Sally Hemings." John said, still looking at his phone. "And Maria Lewis. Another from Theodosia Bartow."

"Huh." Alexander grunted. 

"Yeah. A lot of people wanted to do what you just did." John nodded. "Oh my god. You have a message of congratulations from Martha Washington." 

"What?!" Alexander asked sharply. 

"Yeah! I can't believe it myself! Oh my god this is awesome!" John bounced up and down on the couch "George is bound to stick up for you, Alex, this is brilliant!" 

"It'd be even more brilliant if I wasn't in trouble with the dean." Alexander said. 

"Right well, I'm going to bed." John said. "Don't stay up all night writing those essays. Remember, you're in trouble with the dean." He walked out of the room, leaving Alexander by himself with his closed laptop on his knee.

Chapter Text

TJEFFSOWEEN: It must be nice to have Washington on your side.
negan-killed-peg: what does that mean, Jefderson?
TJEFFSOWEEN: Ask Hamilton


Alexander walked into his and John's apartment. John turned the TV off and stood up.

"How'd the meeting go?" He asked. "I'm guessing it went okay. Since you're not dead."

"I'm suspended." Alexander replied. "But Washington really saved my ass. Told the dean that Jefferson's been picking on me since I got here. Got me off the hook with the dean anyway. Washington suspended me."

"Oh man, I'm sorry." John said. "Guess there's not gonna be a Halloween party, huh?"

"Oh no, Hamilween is going ahead as planned." Alexander smirked.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme blasted from John's pocket. Alexander's gaze drifted down.

"You gonna get that?" Alexander asked.

"It's not me." John shrugged.

"John. Turtles. It's you." Alexander folded his arms. "I'm not an idiot."

John sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket and answered it. The voice on the other end definitely belonged to one of the Schuylers.

"Should I start planning Alex's funeral?"

"No, Peggy, he's standing right here in front of me." John looked at Alexander in a way that he wanted Alexander to say something.

"Hi Peggy!" Alexander shouted.

"Wow. Can't believe he survived that one."

"Well, George Washington loves him, so-"

"Oh my god, that must be what Jefferson was talking about earlier!"

"Why?" Alexander shouted.

"Yeah, what did he say?" John asked. "Hang on, I'm gonna put you on speaker." He tapped his phone screen. "Go ahead."

"It was on the group chat." Alexander heard Peggy's voice a lot clearer. "He said something like 'it must be nice to have Washington on your side'. It's weird, right?"

"He's just being a dick as usual, Peggy." Alexander said dismissively.

"No, see, I don't think he is." Peggy said. She sounded contemplative. "That definitely sounded... Threat-y to me."

"You think Jefferson was threatening Alex?" John asked.

"I'd nod, but this isn't Skype." Peggy replied. "So yes."

"Dude." John turned to Alexander. "This ain't over."

"Ye-no shit, Watson." Alexander rolled his eyes. It was just like Jefferson to threaten him.

"Anyway, Laf and I will be around after our lecture with Professor North." Peggy chuckled. "He's the guy who insists we call him Lord North, but man, I am not doing that."

"See you two soon, Peggy." John said.

"Yeah, bye!" Alexander blurted out.

John hung up the phone.

"Uh... Coffee?" Alexander suggested.

"You know the dean's gonna call your foster parents." John said.

"He might not." Alexander said.

"Yeah, but if Peggy said that Jefferson said something vaguely threatening, you know he's gonna follow through." John put his hand on Alexander's shoulder.

"John, I've known you and the Schuylers for years."

"About three."

"Years." Alexander repeated himself. "I trust Peggy. I know that Jefferson is probably planning something. But I doubt he's going to get the dean to sic my foster parents on me. Besides, I've moved out. I'm living with you now. And I'm nine teen. What can they do?"

"Send you back to Nevis?"

"No way! I have a legal permit to study here!" Alexander scoffed. "Jefferson can't do anything."

"Unless he goes to the police and presses charges."

"Yeah, but you're my witness, buddy. Just tell them that Jefferson started it."

"Alexander... Just watch your back." John said with a slight sigh.

Alexander simply nodded.


As promised, Peggy and Lafayette came over after their last lecture. They were accompanied by Angelica and Maria and Eliza, who was just very happy to see Alexander alive. She wrapped both of her arms around him and held him tightly as if she hadn't seen him in years.

Following the Schuylers were Aaron and Theo, then James and finally Hercules, whose final lecture ran late.

Until Hercules arrived, Alexander was hard at work on his essays, leaving John to entertain the guests. It also prompted Aaron to say "he's just non-stop", which got a chuckle from everyone. They knew what Alex was like.

"Okay." Alexander closed his laptop after saving his work about five times in a row. "Time to get planning some Halloween shit."

"What did you have in mind, Alexander?" Hercules asked.

"Nothing. I was hoping you guys would help come up with something." Alexander replied. "I mean, I want to throw a party and that's about it."

"Well, it's not like we could have a haunted house." Angelica said. "If it's just going to be in Alex and John's tiny apartment."

"Haunted apartment!" Lafayette suggested loudly.

"Yes! Walking Dead themed!" Peggy shouted.

"Yes!" Theodosia agreed.

"Nothing's going to be Walking Dead themed in my apartment!" John shouted over the hubbub of people talking over each other.

"You're still keeping the haunted apartment idea?" Lafayette asked as they sat down on the couch. They put their arm around Peggy.

"It's a good idea, Laf." Peggy patted Lafayette on their chest.

"How can we have a haunted apartment if we're having a party?" Alexander asked.

"How about you have, how you say, scary things. Hidden around the apartment." Lafayette suggested.

"You mean Easter in Halloween?" Eliza asked.

"No, Easter in Halloween sounds good." Alexander nodded.

"You mean drunk people finding spaghetti and meatballs in the dark and mistaking it for brains?" Maria asked.

"That is exactly what I mean!" Lafayette giggled.

"We can have that Walking Dead theme after all!" Peggy cried jubilantly.

"Just as long as it's not Glenn's brains." Theodosia winced slightly.

"Ooh man. Yeah. That was unpleasant." Angelica said.

"Actually that was downright gross." Aaron shook his head. "Sickening. Did you even watch the same episode I did?"

"He was still alive trying to talk and his head was all caved in and oh my god that was terrible." James agreed.

"And poor old Abraham, man. Didn't deserve that end either." Peggy said.

"What? Being beaten to death by a baseball bat wielding psychopath?" Angelica asked.

"You know Negan's barbed wire baseball bat is called Lucille, Angelica." Eliza rolled her eyes.

"At least Abraham's last words were, what, suck my balls?" Theodosia shrugged.
John and Alexander stood there just watching the discussion over the latest episode of the Walking Dead with a mix of shock and confusion on their faces.

"What. On. Earth.?" Alexander shouted to get everyone's attention after around ten minutes more of the Walking Dead.

"At least Daryl didn't get Lucille'd." Maria finished.

"No! This isn't going to be a Walking Dead party!" Alexander shouted again.

"Boo Alex!" Peggy heckled. "One click and I can get Jefferson here."

"Alexander Hamilton is immune to blackmail so there." Alexander folded his arms childishly.

"Hercules!" John broke the silence. "Since you don't want to make any Halloween costumes, how about you go and uh... Pick out the decorations?" He suggested.

"Yeah. I can do that." Hercules nodded.

"Lafayette?"

"Oui."

"How would you and Peggy like to do the cooking?" Alexander suggested. "Sort out the food."

"I wanted to do the food!" Angelica said.

"So did I!" Eliza huffed.

"Fine, Laf and the Schuyler sisters are doing the food." Alexander said. "John, are you noting this?"

"No."

"Well, note it."

"Okay." John said, much like a young teenager. He picked up a pen and some scrap paper.

"Lafayette, Peggy, Eliza and Angelica are doing the food." Alexander said. "And Hercules is sorting out the decorations."

"Who's doing the costumes?" John asked.

"I'll do it." Theodosia raised her hand.

"Okay. Theo's doing the costumes." Alexander nodded. "The drinks?"

"Aaron can do that." Theodosia said.

"I'm fine either way." Aaron shrugged.

Alexander let out a soft groan. "Stop being so flip floppy. I swear you're worse than Mitt Romney in 2012 for that shit, Aaron."

"Laf and the Schuylers are doing the food, Hercules is doing the decorations, Theo's doing the costumes, Aaron's doing the drinks. John and I are hosting and helping everyone else, particularly Hercules. That leaves Maria and James."

"I'll sort the music." Maria said.

"And I'll spread the word." James said.

"Mmm. Okay. Just don't invite Jeffersuck-son. Jefferson." Alexander rushed to correct himself.

"Okay. Everyone has their job." John scribbled on the paper. Food, decorations, costumes, drinks, music, promotion and hosting." He listed. "Now get out there and do it!"

Chapter Text

After receiving his assignment from Alexander and John, Hercules decided to head down to the nearest Walmart to pick up the decorations. There, he took a shopping cart and put almost everything he passed in it. When he was looking at some plastic skeletons-still pushing the shopping cart, he pushed it into a girl by mistake.
"Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that." Hercules said, before he realized who it was. Sally Hemings.
"Hey Hercules. That's alright. This Halloween stuff's pretty cool, right?" Sally asked. "Thomas sent me down here to get some stuff. He's throwing a Halloween party on Monday."
"Ugh. Why'd you hang around that guy? He's insufferable!"
"He pays me." Sally replied. "And quite well, actually. I get ten bucks an hour."
"For going shopping for him?" Hercules raised an eyebrow.
"Actually it's his money." Sally shrugged. "Way I see it he can waste it however he wants."
"You know, Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens are hosting a Halloween Party on Monday too, right?" Hercules asked. "Jefferson got his idea from them actually."
"Hmm. No. I didn't know that." Sally said.
"You should come along. It'll be fun." Hercules suggested. "Bring your ten bucks an hour."
"I might." Sally said thoughtfully. "If you can tell me who's on the ten dollar bill."
"Ah." Hercules chuckled. "Not my forte. My friends Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr do history, they'd be able to tell you."
"Actually, I can tell you." Sally said. "It's Mercy Otis Warren. She was a political activist around the time of the revolution. Andrew Jackson's on the twenty-though he's being replaced by Harriet Tubman-Ulysses S. Grant is on the fifty, Ben Franklin's on the hundred, Abe Lincoln's on the five, Theodore Roosevelt is on the one and Franklin Roosevelt's on the two."
"I didn't even know there was a two dollar bill." Hercules said.
"Well, now you know." Sally shrugged. "And you know that FDR is on it."
"You know a lot about money." Hercules noted.
"Ah. Accounting." Sally smiled and thumbed to herself. "I have to know about money."
"Mmm. True." Hercules said with a nod. "So, will I see you at Alex and John's party on Monday?"
"Maybe." Sally said. "In any case, I'll be seeing you around, Hercules Mulligan."


"Dude, she was flirtin' with ya." Alexander said as he furiously typed away on his laptop.
"And how do you know that?" Hercules asked.
"You forget I've dated two of the three Schuyler sisters, Maria Lewis, John Laurens and got Aaron Burr to agree to a date, which we went on. It was at a very classy restaurant." Alexander said, all very casually.
"That must be why Maria and Angelica are dating now." Hercules said.
"Watch it." Alexander warned.
"Do you know who's on the ten dollar bill?" Hercules asked. "Sally told me, but I've actually forgotten-"
"Mercy Otis Warren." Alexander replied in monotone, not taking his focus off his essay. "She was a patriot and a propagandist during the Revolutionary War. Wrote lots of political essays about the war and shit. I wrote a musical about her, apparently."
"You what?"
"That Lin Miranda Manuel dude. The one who looks exactly the same as me." Alexander said. "He did. He also wrote a musical about Hispanic immigrants with dumb ass names or something. Lots of rapping. I'm not really into that."
Hercules looked at Alexander in confusion for almost a minute before the pieces fell in place. "You're talking about In the Heights, right?"
"Yeah."
"That musical's about more than Usnavi being the son of immigrants from the Dominican-"
"Don't care." Alexander said. "Who the fuck calls their kid Usnavi anyway?"
"I told you, his parents were immigrants and-"
"Don't care." Alexander repeated.
"I would have thought you of all people would be more sympathetic to immigrants, Alex." Hercules folded his arms.
"Yeah. Real immigrants. My twin was born in New York." Hercules opened his mouth to say something. "I saw it when I googled him yesterday." Alexander rolled his eyes and saved his document.
"He's not your twin, Alexander."
"Really?" Alexander closed his laptop slowly and pulled out his phone. "My lock screen begs to differ." He held up his phone to his cheek, so Hercules could clearly see the image of Lin-Manuel Miranda smiling at the Tony Awards that he had used for his lock screen.
"Okay. Side by side like that, that's just creepy." Hercules said.
"I know right? I can never tell whether this is a selfie or not on first glance." Alexander lowered his phone. "I mean, he looks a little older, but-"
"Nuh uh. You even have the same dark circles under your eyes. You're identical and it's fucking creepy." Hercules shuddered slightly.
"Well, Halloween is coming up." Alexander shrugged.
"Maybe he's you from the future and if you ever meet, you'll both die or something." Hercules suggested. "Or maybe, since he's older than you, they actually developed human cloning technology early and never told anybody but you're the result. I mean, the resemblance is uncanny."
"Oh. So I'm the clone. Thanks for that, Hercules." Alexander huffed.
"Shut up and help me with these decorations." Hercules threw a plastic bag full of Walmart decorations at Alexander.
"No. You're on your own." Alexander brushed the bag on the floor and the orange and black tinsel spread everywhere.
"You know, I just noticed, where's John?" Hercules asked.
"On a Grindr date." Alexander replied as casually as possible.
"And that's not weird for you, is it?" Hercules took a light up fabric ghost from one of the bags.
"Why would it be?" Alexander asked. "John's a grown man. He can do what he wants. As long as he's not out getting like... Herpes or Chlamydia or whatever. Probably the same as it is living with Peggy and Laf."
"They have a lot of sex." Hercules lowered the ghost.
"Yeah. Of course they would. They're a couple." Alexander bent down to pick up the tinsel.
"Whenever I go into the bathroom, I see condoms."
Alexander began winding the tinsel around his hand. "At least they're using protection. But at the same time, they're both 18. Adults. Who can do what they want. Except drink, of course."
"I'm 21. I can drink. So when I buy beer for myself, it always... Goes missing." Hercules shrugged.
"You think Peggy and Laf are stealing your booze for drunk sex?" Alexander chuckled. "Man, they probably are."
"You know, every day I thank god that I met you." Hercules said sarcastically.
"I feel exactly the way about you too, bro." Alexander said.
"I'm not your bro." Hercules said.
"Foster bro. Same difference." Alexander shrugged.
John burst through the door with his arm around another boy. John looked like he'd got into a bar fight. He had cuts and scratches on his arms and blood dripping down on his face from a deep cut in his eyebrow. He had bruises almost everywhere that was visible and a black eye was forming. Presumably he had his arm around the other boy for support.
Hercules dropped the ghost and rushed to John. "Oh my-John are you okay?"
"Who're you?" Alexander asked the other boy.
"I'm John Jay." He said. "He got into a fight. Said he lived here."
"Yeah, he does." Hercules took John from the other John.
"Shit, John, what did you do, man?"
"I fought a dude." John giggled. "I lost."
"I think he's concussed." John Jay said.
"Go put him on the couch." Alexander sighed. "Thanks uh... John for bringing... John home."
"Yeah, I know we share the same name." John Jay said. "We're both in the Black Lives Matter club."
"Nice." Alexander smiled. "I wanna join that."
John Jay frowned slightly. "Alexander Hamilton, right?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Huh. Anyone ever tell you you sound like that Lin-"
"Manuel Miranda, right?"
"Yeah." John Jay agreed.
"No. But I've been told I look like him." Alexander said.
"You do." John Jay nodded. "Well, Black Lives Matter meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Hope to see you there. Just don't get into any fistfights like your friend Laurens."
"What?!" Alexander scoffed. "Ah shit. It's Tuesday." He shook his head. "Bet this is regular, right?"
"Kind of." John Jay said. "By the way. I heard about Thomas Jefferson."
"Oh..."
"Congrats. He deserved it." John Jay put his hand out. Alexander found himself shaking it. "See you on Thursday."
"See you on Thursday, John Jay." Alexander nodded.
John Jay walked away and Alexander closed the door, now focusing all his attention on John Laurens who was giggling away like a schoolgirl on the couch.
"Oh man. John." Alexander sighed.
Hercules had found the first aid kit and was cleaning John's cuts. "Keep still, Laurens."
"How bad is it, Hercules?" Alexander asked.
"I think he's gonna need stitches in his eyebrow." Hercules examined the cut, which was still bleeding.
"Should we call an ambulance?"
"I don't know if it's that bad."
"I'm tired." John slurred slightly.
"Well, don't fall asleep." Alexander snapped his fingers in front of John's face.
"I wanna sleep."
"I wanna call an ambulance."
Hercules sighed and took out his phone. "I'm calling an Uber to take John to the ER. I still don't think it's bad enough for an ambulance. He needs a few stitches. He hasn't had a heart attack."
"Yeah, but what if he's bleeding in his brain from the concussion and they have to operate on him and drill a hole in his skull and he'll be in the ICU for ages and I don't want that for my best friend, Hercules. I still love John. He's my best friend. I need my best friend and oh my god the rent and I'd never be able to pay it! I'd never be able to pay the hospital bills for the machines to keep John alive and I'm just a poor immigrant from the Caribbean, Hercules, I-"
"Okay, I'm gonna stop you there, Alex. John is fine. He doesn't need to go to the intensive care unit. He's not in a coma, it's just a concussion." Hercules said. "Stop worrying."
Alex nodded. "Yeah."
"Don't be so irrational."
"Sorry. I just... Worry." Alexander sighed.
"I know. I lived with you for ages." Hercules turned to John. "Come on, Laurens. Let's go get that cut sewn up."
"Can't you do it?" John asked. "My Disney God."
"I would," Hercules began, "but I'm a fashion designer, not a doctor. So we're going to the hospital."
Hercules stood up with John.
"Be careful, guys." Alexander said quietly.
"Alex, he's gonna be fine." Hercules assured. "I'll keep you updated."
As soon as Hercules left the apartment with John, Alexander took out his phone and opened Facebook.


HappyHamilween: John's dying!
ActualAngel: Shit, really?!
HappyHamilween: He got into a fight and Hercules had to take him to the hospital
HappyHamilween: There was blood everywhere!!!!!!1
wait4it: shit Alexanderrrrr
wait4it: Im sorry man.
wait4it: Hamilween's canceled, right?
disneydemigod: Alexander, stop exaggerating.
ActualAngel: Herc, whats going on?
disneydemigod: John did get in a fight. There is a lot of blood. He is NOT dying.
ActualAngel: are you in the hospital?
disneydemigod: no
wait4it: Hamilton you liar!!!1!
disneydemigod: we ARE on the way though. Picked up an Uber.
ActualAngel: Wow. Still seems kinda serious.
disneydemigod: it is. John needs stitches.
disneydemigod: he's not dying though.
wait4it: thats good
HappyHamilween: so I worry!
ActualAngel: You worry too much, Alex.
HappyHamilween: Sure, blame the orphan!
wait4it: Alexander Hanilton, you arent the onyl orphan in our freind grope.
wait4it: supposed to be group, not grope.
HappyHamilween: Yeah, but my hometown got destroyed by s hurricane, Aaron. Youve lived in NYC you're whole life.
HappyHamilween: And don't forget my dog got shot and killed by that george eaker fuck bucket
ActualAngel: You bring up your dog all the time, Alexander, we can't forget it.
wait4it: Eacker still shouldn't have shot Philip. Poor little doggy.
ActualAngel: You're as bad as Hamilton.
HappyHamilween: He's a more clumsy me without concrete beliefs. Remember that time we shared a dorm and there was a power cut and you tried to light a candle but set yourself on fire?

wait4it has left Hamilsquad

Chapter Text

nooonotglenn added wait4it to Hamilsquad

wait4it: Why did you add me againnnn Theo?

nooonotglenn: Because you left for no reason

wait4it: Alexander told the entire world my secret

wait4it: okay the group.

nooonotglenn: Oh Aaron.

nooonotglenn: That was hardly a secret.


Theodosia knocked on the door to Alexander and John's apartment. John answered it. There were bruises on his face and various minor cuts. His eye was black and he had a gauze pad taped to his eyebrow.

"I've known you two days now, but it's nice to see you're not dead, John." Theodosia said.

"Nah, it'll take more than a punch to the eyebrow to kill me." John chuckled.

"Can I come in?"

"Aaron Butt with you?" John asked.

"Ha. No, he isn't. I have a free lecture period actually." Theodosia said. "I only have another hour or so."

"Hm. Come on in then." John opened the door wide and let Theodosia inside. Despite the fact that everyone was gone, their apartment somehow seemed even smaller than the first time she'd set foot in there.

Alexander was typing away on his laptop working hard on his essays. Theodosia couldn't help but notice how old it was and was that duct tape? She shook her head lightly and let out a soft sigh.

"Hey Alexander." She greeted.

"Theodosia." Alexander's head snapped up in surprise. "What a... This was unexpected."

"Well, it's Wednesday. I want to discuss costumes." Theodosia said.

"Ah yeah."

"I've decided that I'm not going for a theme. I'm going for what suits each individual person."

"You barely know me." Alexander said.

"But I already have your Halloween costume planned out." Theodosia said. "Have you ever heard of In the Heights?"

At the mention of In the Heights, Alexander rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I'm not going as Usarmy or whatever the fuck his name is."

"It's Usnavi and you know it." Theodosia folded her arms. "I think it'd really suit you."

"No."

"Have you ever seen Li-"

"Lin-Manuel Miranda blah blah blah clone, blah blah looks and sounds like you, yeah, I'm familiar with how this goes." Alexander sighed.

"Then you agree that Usnavi is the perfect costume for you?" Theodosia asked.

"No."

"Alexander, please, give me something."

"Just go as fucking Usnavi, Alexander." John heckled from across the room. "God knows you look like-"

"Yeah, we all know who I resemble by now, John." Alexander turned back to Theodosia. "Fine. I'll go as stupid Usnavi." He snapped.

"Wonderful!" Theodosia smiled.

"What about me, Theodosia?" John asked.

"Um... I'll think about you, John. Because I'll have to work your stitches in."

"Oh no, my eyebrow was glued back together." John smiled.

A pause. "Eew." Theodosia grimaced.

"Yeah." John nodded.

"I'll think about it." She said with a nod. "But I was thinking of Nick from Zootopia. I uh, I'd best be going now." Theodosia said. She walked to the door, but turned to Alexander. "I'd be careful with that laptop, Alexander, it's being held together by duct tape."

"Yeah well, I don't have your money." Alexander said. "I'm poor as fuck."

"We both are, we're students." John said.

"Students are always poor as fuck." Alex added.

"And he has untreated carpal tunnel syndrome from typing too much." John laughed.

"Glad you find my medical history so funny, Laurens." Alexander said sarcastically.

"Um anyway... Take care guys. I should go and see the others now." Theodosia said as she left their apartment.

"Bye Theodosia!" Alexander called out.

"You're much more interesting than anyone else I've known to date Burr!" John shut the door after her, giggling.


Around half an hour later, Theodosia found herself at Hercules, Peggy and Lafayette's apartment. She knocked on the door and it was answered by a tired looking Lafayette. With their hair out of the ponytail it was usually kept in, they resembled Thomas Jefferson. So much that Theodosia mistook them for Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey Jefferson." She said before realising her mistake.

"No, I'm afraid I am not the Francophile, but the actual French person." Lafayette laughed it off.

"Oh. Oh. Sorry, Lafayette."

"It's nice to see you again, Theodosia." Lafayette said. "Would you like to come in?"

"Oh no. I just wanted to say that uh... I've chosen your Halloween costumes."

"Is there a theme or something?" Lafayette asked.

"No, I'm going with what I think would suit you best." Theodosia said.

"But you have known me for two days."

"I know." Theodosia shrugged. "I've chosen President Barack Obama for you."

"If the President was non-binary." Lafayette said.

"Yes." Theodosia nodded. "I've also chosen Michonne for Peggy-you know, from Walking Dead-and for Hercules, I've chosen... Hercules, the Disney guy."

"What about the others?" Lafayette asked.

"Oh, that's a surprise." Theodosia smiled. "I should be getting to my lecture now. It'll take a while for me to walk there."

"Okay. Lafayette nodded. "Should I walk you there?"

"It's fine, I'll just text Aaron." Theodosia said. "Thanks though."

"Bon chance, Theodosia!" Lafayette said cheerily as they shut the door.


After her lecture, Theodosia headed over to Angelica and Eliza's dorm along with Aaron.

"I don't want to go." Aaron said. "I'll just wait out here."

"No, you're coming." Theodosia said.

"But Angelica knows about the candle-"

"I guarantee she knew before that, Aaron."

Aaron sighed. "At least she didn't find out about the umbrella-"

The door opened and Angelica poked her head around. "Trust me, Aaron, I know about the umbrella ella ella."

"Everyone knows about everything you do, Aaron." Eliza said from behind the door.

"I just wanted to tell you who you'll be going as for Halloween." Theodosia said.

"Ah right, yeah." Angelica nodded and opened the door wider to reveal her and Eliza.

"Well, Maria will be happy, she's Tinkerbell."

"Maria just really loves Peter Pan. This past year she's been super obsessed with that Ruth B song." Angelica smiled.

"Lost Boy, oh I love that." Theodosia said dreamily. "I am a lost boy from Neverland, usually hanging out with Peter Pan-"

"Theo. Come on. Just hurry up." Aaron shuffled uncomfortably.

"I'll take as long as I want." Theodosia said.

Aaron huffed and folded his arms.

"So what's my costume?" Eliza asked.

"Princess Anna from Frozen." Theodosia replied.

"Yesss!" Eliza fist pumped the air.

"And Angelica, you love the X-Men, right?"

"Love the X-Men. Let me guess, I'm Storm, right?" Angelica raised an eyebrow.

"No, you're Jean Grey."

"Oh." Angelica was pleasantly surprised.

"So... Who are the others?" Eliza asked.

"You'll have to wait." Theodosia answered.

"What about you?" Angelica asked.

"Theo wants me to be Marty McFly from Back to the Future." Aaron said.

"And I'm going as Lucy from the Peanuts." Theodosia said.

"Cool." Eliza said. "I always liked the Peanuts."

"So do I." Theodosia giggled.

"Theo, can we go now?!" Aaron frowned.

"Aaron, come on, let me have some fun."

"You can have some fun when I'm not here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Theodosia folded her arms.

"You're all girls. I'm a guy." Aaron said. "It just feels... Weird."

"Then go yourself." Theodosia said.

"Yeah, Aaron. We all know how you helped Alex when he broke his arm." Eliza said accusingly.

"Excuse me?!" Aaron frowned. "I dragged him off to the hospital with John. His arm was all bent and weird, what was I supposed to do?"

"Oh. Oh yeah." Eliza backed down. "Maybe it was when Alex broke his toe."

"Hey, I remember that." Angelica said. "Jefferson pissed him off and he kicked the wall in anger and broke his big toe."

Eliza chuckled. "He refused hospital treatment and hobbled around for a weeks after that, angrily shaking his fist and blaming Jefferson."

"Old man shouts at cloud." Angelica smiled.

"Yeah, I still have the dent in the drywall of my dorm." Aaron said. "And I did help him. Or at least I tried to. He refused a lot of it-even painkillers-like some sort of masochist."

"Hm. I didn't imagine Alexander to be that sort of person."

"You haven't properly got to know him, Theo. When he's comfortable around you, he'll show you his true colours." Aaron said.

"Like that time he went skateboarding-he crashed into a railing and smashed his nuts." Eliza said. "He said some swear words I've never heard him use before or since."

"I'm sure half of them were in different languages-French, Hebrew and English." Angelica said.

"He swears like Malcolm Tucker from The Thick of It and Abraham from The Walking Dead had a baby together and it was raised by Samuel L Jackson." Aaron snorted. "Then there was the time he punched Jefferson in the face."

"Yeah, I heard about that. You already told me." Theodosia said.

"You told James Madison who he'll be yet?" Eliza asked.

"No. I'll send him a text now." Theodosia pulled out her phone and quickly typed out a message to James Madison while Aaron and the two Schuyler sisters talked in the background.

To: Maddyson

Dunno whwrre you live, soz. But ur gonna be Indiana Jones 4 Alexander's party

"You guys wanna come in?" Angelica offered.

"Yeah. Sure." Theodosia said. "Aaron?"

"I think I'm gonna go home."

"Suit yourself then, Aaron." Theodosia walked into the Schuyler's' dorm and Angelica slammed the door in Aaron's face.

Chapter Text

On the Thursday, Angelica and Eliza met up with Peggy and Lafayette in Walmart. Lafayette had their frizzy hair tied back in a bun. Or at least an attempt at one. They were also sucking on a lollipop and had their arm draped around Peggy's shoulders. The two of them were wearing matching Walking Dead Negan t-shirts.
"Time to sort out the food!" Eliza shouted.
Peggy, Lafayette and Angelica started laughing as some shoppers turned to stare at Eliza.
"My boyfriend is Alexander Hamilton. I'm used to stares." Eliza said.
"What food are we getting?" Peggy asked.
"The cheapest." Angelica replied.
"Why?"
"Because, Lafayette, my bank account's already in the red."
"Yeah, but don't you have coupons?" Peggy frowned.
"No." Angelica said. "I don't really know how coupons work exactly."
"None of us do." Eliza said. "Our father's rich and Lafayette's French nobility."
"Actually the Marquis title is honorary and passed down through generations. I am not actually French nobility." Lafayette explained. "Because of the French Revolution. I had a distant ancestor who fought in it though."
"Really, that's fascinating, can you use coupons?" Angelica asked.
"Nnnno." Lafayette shook their head. "Sorry."
"So our father's rich and Lafayette's practically French nobility... And none of us can use coupons." Eliza sighed. "Great."
"Can't we just call Daddy for more money?" Peggy asked.
"No. We have to show we can do it ourselves." Angelica said.
"What about Lafayette? They're loaded." Peggy suggested.
"Ah, mon cher, I uh... How you say, forgot my bank card." Lafayette said sheepishly.
"Laf!" Peggy huffed.
"Okay. So we're going to have to grab the cheapest food we can. Doesn't matter if it looks crappy or tastes disgusting." Angelica said. "We have to do this for John and Alex. They're counting on us."
Everyone nodded to Angelica's rousing speech and Angelica grabbed a shopping cart.
"To the food aisles!" She declared.


Around a half an hour into their shopping trip, they were all circling the aisles again, only having three boxes of ramen noodles in their cart.
"Come on, Angelica, we have to spend more than a dollar." Eliza trudged along behind her sisters and Lafayette.
"And we have to get more than just ramen noodles." Peggy sighed.
"How about we get cookies?" Lafayette suggested.
"Ooh! Bread and cheese and peanut butter and jelly for sandwiches!" Eliza brightened up.
"Candies!" Peggy shrieked. "And candy apples! And candy corn!" She grabbed the shopping cart and took off running down the aisles with it.
Lafayette giggled like a schoolchild and ran after her, holding their fluffy hair in their hand.
"Wait! Where are you two going?!" Angelica shouted. "Come back!"
Before she knew it, Eliza had slipped out of her small heeled pumps and was running after Peggy and Lafayette, shoes in hand.
Angelica sighed and followed them all to the sweet aisle. She walked, however, which took some time. When she got there, she found her sisters and Lafayette had dumped half the contents of the aisle in the cart. Everything from Skittles to jet puffed marshmallows was in there as well as various flavours of Doritos which Angelica guessed they'd picked up along the way.
"I'm not buying all that."
"I'll just ask Daddy for more money. Or borrow it from Laf." Peggy shrugged.
"I said I'm not buying that, Peggy." Angelica sighed as Lafayette dropped some bags of M&Ms in the cart. "Or that, Lafayette."
"Stop being so responsible and live a little bit, Angelica!" Eliza said. "It's for a Halloween party!" She began pushing the cart down the aisles.
"An Alex Party!" Lafayette blurted out.
"Yeah! An Alex Party!" Peggy agreed.
"I know Alexander Hamilton's going to possibly seriously injure himself and it'll be funny." Angelica began. "But someone besides Hercules Mulligan has to be responsible for-"
"Pumpkins!" Peggy screeched over her sister. She ran over to the pumpkin display and picked up a large pumpkin.
"Peggy..."
"It's not Halloween without pumpkins!" Peggy grinned. "Come oooonnn! Laf and I will carve them!"
"When we're not having sex." Lafayette grinned. They patted a pumpkin before picking it up, leaving Angelica looking disgusted.
"Mm. Sex with Alex is pretty great too." Eliza said. "You know what that's like, don't you, Angelica?"
"We're in Walmart and you're discussing your sex lives."
"Yeah." Peggy nodded, hauling the pumpkin into the shopping cart.
"What's Maria like?" Eliza asked.
"Is it weird that she looks so much like me?" Peggy asked.
"She looks nothing like you." Angelica scoffed.
"She does look like my Peggy. But my Peggy is, how you say, better." Lafayette kissed Peggy on the cheek.
Peggy giggled excitedly like a little girl. "Lafayette!"
"It's better than discussing sex." Angelica shrugged.
Lafayette whispered in Peggy's ear. Peggy put her hand to her mouth to suppress a giggle and nodded. Lafayette grabbed Peggy by the wrist and both of them ran away.
"I wonder where they're going?" Eliza frowned.
"Trust me. I know and it's not pretty." Angelica said.
"Oh. Oh." Eliza's eyes widened. "If anyone asks, we're not with them."


I-Am-Lafcelot: We did it!

negan-killed-peg: We totally did it!
trtlfckr666: what did you do?
I-Am-Lafcelot: sex!
trtlfckr666: your a couple. I guessed you had sex
negan-killed-peg: in a walmart bathroom
I-Am-Lafcelot: in the how you say handicapped stall
trtlfckr666: you've lived in this country for the past four years. If you don't know how to speak proper English by now then I should have words with your foster parents
I-Am-Lafcelot: my foster parents are George and Martha Washington
I-Am-Lafcelot: please don't punch them
trtlfckr666: Holy daddy issues batman!
negan-killed-peg: Yep, thatMs true!
negan-killed-peg: my Laf's parents are the Washingtons.
trtlfckr666: smh. You think you know a dude.

Chapter Text

By now, it was Friday and Maria was spending her free day listening to Spotify with her headphones on. Angelica gave her a kiss as she passed by Maria's desk.
"Hey Angelica." Maria pulled her headphones down around her neck.
"How's the playlist coming on?" Angelica asked.
"Oh. You know." Maria shrugged. "Struggling to pick a song from In the Heights though."
"Why would you want to pick a song from In the Heights?" Angelica asked.
"Oh just Alexander's weird resemblance to that Lin-Manuel Miranda guy. He wrote that musical, In the Heights and played the character Usnavi."
"Not familiar with In the Heights."
"Oh. You need to listen to it." Maria pulled out her headphones from her laptop. She clicked on the introductory song.
"It's... Salsa music." Angelica nodded as she listened. Something suddenly clicked as she was listening and her jaw dropped. "Okay. Wait what the shit? Alexander Hamilton?!"
"No, that's Lin-Manuel Miranda."
"Wow they sound the same."
"Well, this guy's Hispanic and Alex isn't. He's from the Caribbean." Maria said. "Though actually..." She opened up Facebook and searched for Alexander.
"What are you doing?" Angelica asked, taking a seat next to Maria.
"Looking for Alex..." Maria saw Alexander's profile picture in her friends list. It was one John had taken and so Maria enlarged it and studied it. Alexander was barely looking up from his old, taped up laptop to the camera. His black hair was tied back in a crude ponytail-Maria could tell it was crude, it didn't even look like he'd combed his hair. Dark circles under his eyes darker than usual and was drinking a Red Bull. Maria could see the can next to him. Typical Alexander. The chances were high that he was writing an essay.
"He doesn't really look like he's from the Caribbean, does he?" Maria asked. "He looks too... White."
"Well, he's not really white. More white-ish. But yeah." Angelica agreed. "He's certainly not black."
"Would you say though, Angelica, that Alex looks almost Hispanic?" Maria turned to face her girlfriend.
Angelica frowned as she took a closer look at Alexander. "Well, he has the tan skin of someone who might possibly be... Hispanic."
"Angelica?"
"Good god. Hercules is right! Alex is the clone of this guy!" Angelica laughed.
"Should we get a DNA sample from each of them to compare?" Maria jokingly asked.
"No, but if we keep teasing Alex about their resemblance, he just might himself!"
"Then he'd find out that they really are clones!"
The two girls almost fell about laughing. Alexander looking almost exactly like the playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda had suddenly become a great source of joy between his friends. The fact that Thomas Jefferson had been the one to point it out made it probably sourer to Alexander, but that same fact made it a lot funnier to everyone else.
"Okay. Okay." Maria wiped her eye. "Stop laughing now."
"Alex is going to kill us all." Angelica tried to disguise her laughing as coughing.
"I wonder if Alex can even speak Spanish?"
"He's fluent in French and Hebrew, so why not?"
"Oh wow." Maria stopped laughing instantly. "I've had sex with the guy-I didn't know he was Jewish."
"He's not." Angelica replied. "I think they just spoke a lot of Hebrew on Nevis."
"But it's in the Caribbean." Maria said. "Why would they speak Hebrew there?"
"Because some of the population are Jewish?" Angelica shrugged. "I should probably ask him."


To Annoying Shorty
Hey Alexander Hamilton!
From Annoying Shorty
Hey Angelica Schuyler!
To Annoying Shorty
Why do you speak Hebrew?
From Annoying Shorty
Oh. That.
From Annoying Shorty
It's a long story, but my tutors back in Nevis were Jewish.
To Annoying Shorty
Any other languages you speak?
From Annoying Shorty
Well, obviously English. I also speak fluent French and Spanish.
To Annoying Shorty
You speak Spanish?
From Annoying Shorty
Struggled abit in High School, but Hercules helped. Why?
To Annoying Shorty
No reason...


Angelica snorted as she read her phone messages.
"What's up?" Maria asked.
Angelica showed Maria her messages. "Apparently he speaks fluent Spanish."
Her phone buzzed in her hand and she saw another message from Alexander.

From Annoying Shorty
Now you can't say I look like that Miranda person!

Beneath that was a photo of Alexander. With short hair. And looking the direct image of Lin-Manuel Miranda since he'd left Mercy: An American Musical. All Angelica could do was stare at him. After a few seconds, she turned the phone to Maria.
"No way." Maria blinked. "Oh my god this is funny."
"Alexander Hamilton is the honest to god clone of Lin-Manuel Miranda." Angelica said, still in shock that Alexander would cut off his hair like that. That... That was unexpected.
"That has to go on Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and Instagram and all these social media sites." Maria snatched the phone from Angelica, who didn't protest. Maria quickly typed out a message.

Angelica Schuyler @ActualAngel
My friend @ahammyham looks exactly like @Lin_Manuel it's freaky. #doppelgangers #intheheights #mercyanamericanmusical

She posted it to Twitter along with the photo of Alexander with his haircut.
"Wow. Already it's got like ten retweets." Maria said.
"Let me see, it's my phone!" Angelica snatched the phone from Maria. "Wow. Lin's retweeted it himself."
"Holy crap!" Maria exclaimed. "That's actually amazing."
"I know, right?" Angelica chuckled.


 trtlfckr666: what's this I see about Alex on Twitter?
wait4it: Alexander Hamilton, you've gone viral!
nooonotglenn: Lin-Manuel Miranda's been tweeting about you!
HappyHamilween: Shut the fuck up!
HappyHamilween: Anyone who mentions Lin-Manuel Miranda's stupid name again is uninvited to Hamilween!

Chapter Text

Aaron was skulking around the soft drinks in Walmart. He was leaning over a shopping cart and inside there were cans and bottles of Coke, Pepsi, 7Up, Mountain Dew among other different types of soda. Also in the cart was a small white plastic bag which clearly had something in it.
"Aaron Burr, Sir!" A voice called out. Only one person called Aaron that, so Alexander Hamilton called out.
"Alexander." Aaron said, still casually counting his drinks. "What are you doing here?"
"Aaron, it's Saturday." Alexander said. "I'm shopping for John and I."
"Ah yeah." Aaron stood up straight.
"So what's in the bag, Aaron?"
"Nothing, Alex." Aaron moved in an attempt to conceal the bag.
"Don't lie, Aaron." Alexander said. "I know you're lying."
"I don't know what you mean."
"Is it a birthday surprise?" Alexander asked. "Because you're about 10 months too late for that."
"No, it's not a birthday surprise for you, Alex." Aaron said.
"So come on, let me see!" Alexander lunged forward and Aaron pushed him back. "Aaron, fuck you, let me see!"
"No!" Aaron roared. "Get off!"
"What is it that you don't want me to see, Aaron?" Alexander huffed. "Come on. Do we need to have the 'if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for everything' talk again?"
"No." Aaron huffed. "Because we have it every day."
"Yeah. Yeah we do. But we haven't had it today."
"Alex, stop it."
"I will." Alexander made a face. "When you tell me what's in the bag."
"No."
"So this going to be like that SpongeBob box episode then?" Alexander asked.
"Yes." Aaron growled.
"You know SpongeBob saw the box in the end, right?" Alexander raised an eyebrow.
"You're not seeing inside the bag."
"Why? Is it a human head?" Alexander asked. Aaron said nothing. "Holy shit. It's a human head, isn't it?"
"No it's not, Alex, please stop being so unreasonable!"
"Aaron" Alexander said in sing-song. "Let me see inside the bag."
"No." Aaron said.
"Look over there! It's a nuclear bomb!" Alexander shouted quickly and with urgency.
"What?"
Alexander made another lunge for the bag.
"Alexander!" Aaron snapped, grabbing Alexander's wrist. However, Alexander had grabbed the bag first. "No!"
Alexander looked in the bag and his expression of glee quickly turned into one of confusion.
"Alexander..."
"It's a coconut." Alexander said. He handed the bag back to Aaron. "All that... For a goddamned coconut." He rolled his eyes. "I know I don't like coconut, Aaron, but I'm not allergic."
"Alex." Aaron sighed as he snatched the bag back from Alexander.
Something fell from the bag. Aaron didn't notice it. Alexander did. It was a piece of paper. He actually bent down to pick it up and looked at it. When he saw what was on it, his eyes widened and he held back a smile.
"Aaron Burr, you paid forty dollars... For a coconut?" Alexander asked incredulously.
"I-"
"What the fuck, Aaron?" Alexander grunted. "It's not even a big coconut!"
"What's it to you if I spend my money on... Fucking coconuts-"
"Goddamn, Aaron, I fucking hope that you're not actually gonna fuck that coconut."
"I will fuck that coconut if I have to, Alexander!" Aaron snapped. "I will drill a hole in it and put my-"
"Fucks sake, Burr, too much info!" Alexander covered his eyes. "I don't want to know."
"So I spent forty dollars magnificently." Aaron huffed. "Like an ass."
"Yeah. Like an ass." Alexander agreed.
"It's not like all I bought was a stupid coconut, Alex."
Alexander took another look at the receipt. "No, you spent ten dollars on some dates." He looked back up at Aaron. "Four on oranges. And sixty cents on some shitty coffee. Must be shitty. You only spent sixty cents."
"It was shitty." Aaron's shoulders fell.
"Enjoy your forty dollar coconut." Alexander thrust the receipt into Aaron's hand and walked away.


HappyHamilween: Hey! I saw Aaron Burr in Walmart today!
HappyHamilween: Dipshit paid 40 bucks for a coconut.
trtlfckr666: Your kiddinf right?
HappyHamilween: No. It happened.
HappyHamilween: He also paid 10 bucks for a pack of fucking dates
ActualAngel: That's so Burr.
elizaluvspuppies: why do I love this so much?
I-Am-Lafcelot: I think I'm dying more than when Alex called Jefferson a French Weeaboo
negan-killed-peg: really man?
HappyHamilween: Yeah. He did do that.
Jmadison: holy crap
TJEFFSOWEEN: No way. I cant even...
HappyHamilween: Finish a sentence? Because you haven't finished your sentence, Jefferfucker
TJEFFSOWEEN: Thanks. Appreciate it Hamilton.
marialewis: this is honestly amazing. It's made my day.
disneydemigod: I think I just died, y'all.
nooonotglenn: You spent $40 of our money? On a coconut? Fucking hell, Aaron, this is moronic, even by Aaron Burr standards
wait4it: I hate you Hamilton
HappyHamilween: You love me really.
wait4it: No I don't

wait4it left Hamilsquad

Chapter Text

 

James was standing outside the bar that he and his sort-of-friends frequented handing out flyers advertising Alexander and John's Halloween party. 

"Here, come to Alexander Hamilton's Halloween party." He repeated with each flier that he handed out. "Here, come to Alexander Hamilton's Halloween party." Some students took the flyers. Others didn't.

James sighed. Primarily our of boredom. Thinking why the hell hadn't he just made a Facebook page and invited people on that? He paused for a few seconds before going back to handing out flyers mindlessly. "Here, come to Alexander Hamilton's Halloween party."

"Thanks, James." A familiar voice said. "Should I just tell Thomas that you're literally batting for the other team?" 

James blinked himself back into reality. It was Sally, looking at him playfully. Like she was just joking. He hoped she was. 

"You're joking, right?" 

"Yeah. I was actually invited a few days ago by Hercules." 

"Mulligan?"

"Well, I don't know if you know any other men called Hercules, but I don't." Sally shrugged. "What are you gonna do if Thomas finds out?"

"He won't, believe me." James said. "Hey, did you hear that Aaron Burr spent forty bucks on a coconut?"

"What?!" Sally looked at James with an expression of confusion. "Surely that's not right... Right?"

"No, it's true." James said, still handing flyers out to passersby. "Alexander Hamilton saw the receipt."

"How in the hell-"

"I don't know, but I hope it was magic or something." James shook his head. "I'd never spend that much on a stupid little coconut."

"I heard about the time Aaron lost his umbrella in a rain storm though." Sally said. "He wrote it in his diary that someone found and emailed all around the college like something out of Mean Girls." 

"And before he lost it, he was writing an essay in the library and because it was late, they wanted to close up-"

"Aaron threatened the librarian with his umbrella because he tried to get Aaron out!" Sally chuckled. 

"Alexander told me that the umbrella had a knife in it." James said.

"Oh crap. Was that the same one-"

"That he lost? Yeah." James nodded.

"You know, Hercules also told me about the time that Aaron and Alexander were roommates. There was a blackout or something and Aaron tried to light a candle, but ended up setting himself on fire." Sally said, blushing slightly at the mention of Hercules. 

"Yes. That happened." James nodded. "Aaron is the human epitome of the word 'disaster'."

"Well, as much as I'd love to stay and gossip about Aaron Burr's failings, I've been sent to pick up some bar food for Thomas." 

"Bar food?" 

"He wanted me to pick up some bar food. I don't know what he means by that. But I'm getting paid so I have no problem." 

"Good luck." James said as he handed out the last flyer. "I should be going too. No more flyers."

Sally nodded and walked into the bar. James walked in the opposite direction. 

"James Madison. Should I tell Aaron what you've been saying about him?" Aaron's friend William Van Ness. A guy James Madison knew in passing.

"Oh, hey William." James greeted. "How is Aaron? You know, since he spent forty dollars on a coconut?" 

"Aaron's fine." William responded. 

"I heard about Charles Lee and Samuel Seabury." James said. "You told Aaron who told Alexander Hamilton who told Peggy Schuyler who told me."

"And I heard it from John Jay who heard it from George Eaker who heard it from James Reynolds who witnessed it firsthand." 

"In the words from Alexander Hamilton's twin's play; 'no me diga'." James said. 

"What?" 

"Lin-Manuel Miranda." 

"I dunno who that is." 

"He did In the Heights and Mercy: An American Musical."

"Oh yeah, I want to see that." William nodded. 

"Guy who write it looks exactly like Alexander Hamilton." James said.

"You're kidding." William said, more like a statement than a question.

James shook his head. "I am not kidding. Lin-Manuel Miranda looks like Alexander Hamilton."

"Suspicious." William said. "Anyway, thanks for the gossip. Won't tell Aaron you've been talking about him if you don't." 

"Okay. I won't. Just as long as you come to Alexander Hamilton's Halloween party" James said. 

"Sure. If it's fun." William nodded. 

James began walking, once again, away from the student bar.


Jmadison: Hey Aaron, I bumped into your buddy William Van Ness today. 
nooonotglenn: Aaron left the chat, Maddy. 

Jmadison added wait4it to the group chat

wait4it: James, I've left this chat twice now. What do you want that you couldn't contact me privately over?
Jmadison: I saw Van Ness today. 
wait4it: what did he say?
Jmadison: He's coming. 
nooonotglenn: Whoop whoop! Now we got the gossip going!

Chapter Text

It was Halloween day itself. Alexander was dressed up in the clothes that Theodosia had given him-the baggy jeans felt weird to him since all he ever wore was skinny jeans. The bowling shirt made him feel like Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men and the cap was just overkill. As was the stick on goatee. But he endured it because it was Halloween. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw John struggling with a blue tie.

"Want me to do that?" He offered.

"Yeah, thanks." John nodded. He looked at Alexander as the shorter man gracefully did his tie for him. It was in that moment, he was reminded of how much he missed their intimate moments and without thinking, his lips crashed into Alexander's. Alexander was shocked for a second, but quickly deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around John's body.

"Wait! No!" Alexander pulled away after around a minute of passionate kissing. "How could I do this?!" His Caribbean accent coming out thickly in his distress. "I don't want you! Not anymore. I'm with Eliza now, I-I can't-"

"I-it's my fault, Alex, I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong. And I'm sorry. If you don't tell Eliza, I won't tell her."

"Nobody needs to know." Alexander nodded.

"Yeah." John nodded. "By the way, you should consider growing a beard, man. It felt great when we were kissing."

"No more mentions of us kissing!" Alexander said, sounding very flustered. "William Van Ness is coming and we all know what a gossip he is."

"Lots of people are coming, Alex."

"As long as Jefferson isn't coming. He's the last person I want to know about the kiss-even more than Van Ness."

John sighed and grabbed a headband from his bed. "Then let's not tell anyone about it, Alex." He put the headband on his head. Alexander could see that they had fabric pointy ears on them. He was a cat, maybe?

"No. From now on, there's going to be no more mentioning that kiss. End of." Alexander said just as there was a knock on the front door.

As John went to answer the door, Alexander could see the fox tail clipped at the back of John's shorts. He was a fox.

"Alex! It's Marty McFly and Lucy Van Pelt!" John called out. "Aaron and Theodosia!"

Alexander left the bedroom to go and greet them.

Aaron's eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"Alexander, you look just like Lin-Manuel Miranda. I know you looked like him before but this... Is a new level of weird." Theodosia said.

"I warned that you'd be banned from Hamilween! You don't listen!" Alexander huffed. "My god. Just put the drinks down on my desk. I've cleared my work from it. And no more Lin-Manuel fucking Miranda!"

"Hey! Hope we're not too early-what the hell?" Angelica's jaw dropped when she saw Alexander from the doorway. She and Eliza stood in place, carrying trays of food.

"Come on, Angelica, move!" Peggy huffed and pushed past her sisters to see Lin-Manuel Miranda... Probably Alexander-standing, staring at them.

"Mr Miranda?" Peggy frowned.

"My name is Alexander Hamilton." Alexander gritted his teeth. "For god's sake."

Peggy and Eliza went to put the food trays they were carrying on John's desk.

"Hey! I brought the music!" Maria said in sing song as she also carried a food tray into John and Alexander's apartment. "Oh god, Lin-Manuel Miranda, I loved In the Heights and Mercy: An American Musical, I just listened to them last week, but I-"

"Fuck, do I have to spell it out?" Alexander spat out in frustration. "I'm not, nor will I ever be, Lin-Manuel Miranda! In Spanish; no soy Lin-Manuel Miranda! In French; je ne suis pas Lin-Manuel Miranda! In fucking... Welsh! Dydw i ddim Lin-Manuel Miranda!"

"Wow, Mr Miranda, I did not know you spoke Welsh." Lafayette chuckled.

Alexander let out a growl that crescendoed into a scream and lunged for the party food Eliza, Peggy and Maria had brought. He grabbed a handful of mini hot dogs and smashed them into a ball before throwing them in Lafayette's face.

"He's pretty salty about you comparing him to Lin-Ma-"

"Fuck off!" Alexander screamed in John's face.

"Okay. Hamilton is in a bad mood tonight. Just try not to rile him up." John said, wiping Alexander's spit from his face.

"Yep. Got it." Aaron nodded.

"I'll just put my laptop on your coffee table. Maria said, moving further into the room.

"Right. We're just going to have a happy Halloween." Alexander said, sounding exaggeratedly calm. "Someone get that food off my floor."

"Uh..." Lafayette bent down to pick it up.

"Thanks, Laf."

"Okay, Maria, just do whatever. I don't care. Set up your music." Alexander said. "Theodosia and Aaron, don't test my patience." He turned to John. "I am going to get a drink."

"Don't get too drunk." John warned. "I remember when you broke your arm."

"So do I, John. Everybody does." Alexander huffed.

Maria stepped away from her laptop and music began playing-Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon. "Yes, now this party's getting started." She smiled.

"Hey guys." Hercules greeted as he walked through the door. "I brought some beer." He frowned, sensing something was off. "Man, despite the song, you can cut the tension in here with a knife, what happened?"

"He who shall not be named happened." John replied.

"Voldemort?"

"Lin-Manuel Miranda!" Alexander screeched. He rooted through his desk and grabbed a pen and a piece of scrap paper. He scribbled something down on the paper quickly. Then he got some tape and tore a piece off, sticking it to the paper. He stormed over to the door and haphazardly stuck the paper to the door.

"Anyone removes that, they're getting challenged to a duel." Alexander blinked emotionlessly.

The crude sign read:

LIN MANUEL MIRANDA FREE ZONE. MENTION HIM, YOU FUCK OFF OUT OF MY PARTY

NO THOMAS JEFFERSONS ALLOWED

"Any questions?" Alexander asked.

"No, I think you've been quite succinct." Angelica replied.

"Good." Alexander stormed off into his and John's bedroom.

"Wow. Something's bothering him." Hercules noted.

"Hercules, I may or may not have done something bad." John sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "To Alex."

"What did you do?" Hercules asked.

"I don't think I can really say-"

"I'm sure whatever it is, it cat be that bad, honestly-" Eliza began.

"Y'all are gonna kill me now, but I kissed Alex." John said.

Eliza's eyes widened. She wasn't sure what emotion she was feeling right now, but she didn't feel like being kind. "You what?!"

"About ten minutes ago." John continued.

"John, how could you do that?" Angelica stepped in. "You and Eliza are best friends! Alex is your ex, why would you want to-"

"It didn't just happen, he was doing my tie-"

"No excuses!" Angelica shouted.

"Hey! He kissed me back!" As soon as the words left his mouth, John knew he'd said something terrible.

And he was right. As soon as the song changed to Pat Benetar's Hit Me with Your Best Shot, chaos broke out among the friends with everyone shouting at each other, screaming, throwing food, lots of 'well what about my feelings' being tossed every which way. Alexander left the bedroom and from then on, it just seemed to get worse.

James Madison appeared in the doorway and his jaw dropped at the chaos within the small apartment.

"Guess they didn't need me to ruin their good time after all." Thomas Jefferson said. He was standing next to James and dressed like Lando Calrissian.

Everything went quiet and still and everyone turned to Thomas Jefferson. The eye of the hurricane. Even Alexander didn't know what to say. He went speechless. The music kept playing, however.

"Isn't anyone going to say anything?" Thomas asked.

Alexander approached Thomas. "Do I have to punch you in the face again? Can't you read the sign? It says 'no Thomas Jeffersons allowed."

"And I'm not Thomas Jefferson, I'm Lando Calrissian."

"Cosplay doesn't make you someone else."

"Pretty sure yours makes you Lin-Manuel Miranda." Thomas said casually.

Alexander lunged at Thomas and just like that, the hurricane of chaos began again between the friends. James tried to pull Alexander off Thomas, but ended up getting an elbow to the face. The shouting, fistfighting and food throwing carried on for a few more minutes until everyone had tired themselves out. The music kept playing throughout.

"Alexander." Eliza asked as she took her Anna cape from the couch.

"Yeah?" Alexander asked. His face was bloody and sore and so were his knuckles. He wasn't sure if it was even his own blood any more.

"Why did you kiss John?" She asked calmly.

"Because I love John." Alexander answered honestly

"Do you love me?" Eliza asked.

"As much as I love John."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah." Alexander said without hesitation. "I'm sure it is."

"Then we'll make this work somehow." Eliza pulled Alexander into a kiss.

"Um, am I late?" A voice asked from the doorway. Sally Hemings dressed as a bumblebee.

"Sally! You made it!" Hercules jumped to his feet. "No, you're uh... On time, actually."

"Hercules, is this your girlfriend?" Peggy stood up gleefully and picked up her plastic machete.

"She's not my girlfriend." Hercules blushed. "Alright, let's see if we can salvage this party somehow."

"Good idea, Hercules." Angelica adjusted her X-Men jumpsuit. "There's got to be some way we can fix this mess."

"We have a vacuum cleaner." John said.

"I can fix your torn costumes if you have a sewing kit." Hercules offered.

"We have a sewing kit." Alexander nodded. "I've never used it though."

"Alright, everyone else just try to be helpful. Get food off the walls and shit." John said.


 

Around half an hour later, most of the apartment was clean and most people's costumes were fixed, just about the time that people started showing up properly.

"John Jay!" Alexander walked over to the door. John Jay was standing there dressed as Batman.

"Alex, it was good to see you at the Black Lives Matter meeting on Thursday." John Jay said. "I hope that's makeup." He pointed to the dried blood on Alexander's face.

"Oh uh... I got into another fight with Jefferson." Alexander said with a shrug.

"Did you win?" John Jay asked.

"Probably. I don't remember most of it, actually. It's a blur." Alexander admitted.

Maria rushed over to her laptop to change the song from In the Heights. She didn't want more fighting. Instead, she put one on from Rent.

"Hey, John." John Laurens greeted.

"Hey, John." John Jay greeted back.

"Hey Johns." Hercules greeted.

"There's no food left, but there's still beer." Alexander said.

"What happened to the food?" John Jay asked.

"Mmm. You don't need to know." Alexander answered.

More and more people began to arrive-some in costume, some out of costume. Alexander wandered into his and Laurens' bathroom. Laurens followed him in.

"Alex, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, John." Alexander replied over the now-loud music. "I just need to clean this blood off me."

"Let me do it." John offered.

"I think you've done enough."

"John, Alex, open up, I know you're in here." Eliza opened the door.

"Eliza-"

"Alex. You said you loved John."

"I said I loved you too. You said we could make it work."

"Eliza, I'm sorry." John said sincerely.

"Don't be sorry, John." Eliza said. "Besides, William Van Ness is here. I know you got Martha Manning pregnant."

John's eyes widened in shock.

Alexander slowly turned to face John. "You what?! John, you're gay!"

"Yes, Alex, I am gay!" John shouted. "I ju-I didn't..."

"You had sex with a woman, John. And you didn't even use a condom!"

"I used a condom!" John shouted. "It broke! Besides, she got an abortion!"

"That's not the point!" Alexander shouted back.

"Guys! Stop fighting!" Eliza shouted over John and Alexander.

"I love you both equally and it's not fair on either of you. Eliza, I'm sorry."

"Alexander Hamilton, are you dumping me?" Eliza huffed. "Oh, Alex. No. I don't want that."

"What do you want, Elizabeth Schuyler?" Alexander asked.

"I was thinking maybe... We could try-"

"The three of us. Being in a relationship all together?" Alexander asked calmly.

Eliza simply gave a small nod.

"How would that work?" John asked. "Alexander spends three days at mine, three days at yours and alternating Sundays?"

"We'll figure it out as we go along." Alexander said. "If it's something you want to try, Eliza, I'm open to it."

"It'll be a bit weird given that you're my best friend but... I guess I'm open too, Eliza." John said. "How about we all go on a date on Wednesday?"

"Oh, I'm going on a date with my boyfriends!" Eliza hugged John and Alexander, who both hugged her back.

"I should clean this dried blood off me." Alexander reached for a facecloth and wet it with tap water.

"Yeah." John nodded.

"Come on, we should leave." Eliza said. "Let Alexander clean himself off."

John opened the bathroom door and he and Eliza slipped out and back into the bedroom. Unfortunately, John caught sight of Aaron and Theodosia making out on his bed.

"Fucks sake guys!" He screamed.

Eliza was howling with laughter as the pair scrambled to their feet and to recover their personal belongings.

"I'm gonna get William Van Ness to spread a bunch of gossip about you two!"

"Says the guy who got Martha Manning knocked up!" Aaron zipped up his fly.

"Does everyone know about that? Man, it was supposed to be personal!" John growled and opened the door back to the party.

The party was going... As well as expected. Fall Out Boy's Uma Thurman was playing loudly over the drunken controlled chaos. Jefferson was bragging to someone about... Something. Probably. It was Jefferson. He was always bragging about everything. James Madison was dancing in the kitchen with Peggy and Lafayette. Angelica and Maria were drunk, no question. John heard something about Black Lives Matter, so he figured John Jay was recruiting people into his club-that's why he came tonight. But perhaps most surprisingly, Hercules Mulligan and Sally Hemings were passionately making out in the back of the room, near the lamp.

Alexander crept out during the song change and stood next to John. "Surprising, huh?" He asked loudly over the music.

John leaned over to Alexander. "Very."

"Should we just enjoy the night?" Alexander asked.

"I'd enjoy it better if Thomas Jefferson wasn't here." John said.

"So would I." Alexander pulled his baggy jeans up, not so silently cursing them and walked over to Jefferson, who was talking to who Alexander recognised as Nathaniel Pendleton and Dolley Payne.

"Hey Jefferson!" Alexander shouted.

"What do you want, li'l Hamilton?" Jefferson asked.

"I want you to leave." Alexander said.

"Well I don't want to leave." Jefferson replied.

"You're in my apartment."

"And?"

"You're in my apartment." Alexander said louder. "Get out."

"I'm not leaving."

"Fine, don't leave then. I'm calling the police."

"Ha. Good luck. You'll get arrested for underage drinking on your property. Then you'll get expelled."

"That's your goal isn't it?"

"Ha, now he gets it! Too autistic to see it before, right?" Jefferson snorted.

"So what if I am?" Alexander folded his arms.

"Oh you're admitting it?!" Jefferson laughed. "Ah I can't believe this."

"Believe it." John said. Before Jefferson could turn around to John, John's fist collided with Jefferson's cheek.

Almost immediately after, Dolley patted John on the back before she ran off to find someone to tell.

Nathaniel chuckled disbelievingly. "Holy crap, John Laurens. That was amazing."

The music stopped and the lights turned on. Standing in the doorway was George Washington.

"Alright everyone! Out!" Washington commanded. "I said out!"

The students all poured out of Alexander and John's apartment, sheepishly passing Washington as they left.

"You're in for it now, Laurens." Jefferson sneered as he left.

"I doubt it, Jefferson." John muttered.

Soon, all that was left were Alexander, John and their friends. Washington had asked that they stay.

"So. Why didn't you go down to the college's party?" Washington asked sternly.

"Uh. No offense, Sir, it's just not fun." Alexander said.

"So you and Mister Laurens decided to host your own." Washington nodded. "Along with the three Miss Schuylers, Miss Lewis, Miss Bartow, Mister Burr, Mister Mulligan, Mister Madison and Mx Lafayette."

"Um. Yes." Alexander nodded.

"You know you're on probation, don't you, Son?"

"Don't call me 'son'." Alexander said.

"I stuck up for you after that stupid fight you got into with Mister Jefferson, Alexander, what were you thinking, Son?"

"I was thinking I'm not your son." Alexander snapped.

"Watch your mouth." Washington warned. "As for you, Mister Laurens, what do you have to say for yourself? How did you even get hold of beer? You're both nineteen!"

"It was a BYOB party, Sir." John said.

"The party got out of hand, Sir, we weren't expecting so many people to come, like it was supposed to by just us, but-" Aaron began.

"Oh, then what's this?" Washington held up a flyer for the party.

"I have no idea what that is, Sir." Alexander lied calmly.

"I'll try to cover this up from Dean King, but you can't do anything like this again, Son."

"Call me 'son' one more time-!" Alexander stopped suddenly. Everyone looked shocked at Alexander's sudden outburst.

"Alexander..." Washington shook his head.

"Sir-"

"Keep your head down." Washington's concerned parental demeanour vanished. "All of you." He walked out of the door without saying another word.


 

HappyHamilween changed username to ahammyham

ahammyham: At least we aren't in trouble

elizaluvspuppies: and I got a new boyfriend.

nooonotglenn changed username to theomissesglenn

theomissesglenn: and I made a few new friends

disneydemigod: And I got a date with Sally Hemings on Saturday.

ActualAngel: Whoop whoop! Way to go Hercules!

trtlfckr666: Too bad William Van Ness is gonna gossip about this.

Jmadison: no me diga

ahammyham left Hamilsquad