Chapter 1: Perfect Happiness
And not in the way he'd like to be.
Lorne was with Cordelia, assisting her in her quest to Sunnydale, convincing Buffy not to stake Spike. It was a worthy goal.
"I just want her to have some backup. You know what our girl's like when she isn't supervised", he'd pleaded to Angel. Who was very glad that Fred wasn't there. For such a sweet girl, she was very possessive. He didn't like to think what would happen if she caught Lorne referring to her girlfriend as "our girl." He knew that Lorne meant it in a brotherly way, but Fred wouldn't have noticed that before glaring. If looks could kill...
Angel was lonely.
He sighed and stopped pacing. He plopped himself down on the couch, trying not to listen to the noises upstairs. Which, unfortunatly, the hotel's perfect acoustics made perfectly clear.
He really didn't want to listen to Gunn and Wesley having sex. But it was bright and sunny out, so unless he wanted his boyfriend to come home to a big pile of dust...
Aaaah. This was getting unbearable. Especially since they apparently switched positions up there, and Gunn was now the one moaning.
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
Fred was home, presumably sleeping. She'd been working her butt off lately, and he didn't want to wake her. So, there was nobody to share Angel's misery.
He thought longingly of how Lorne could always make a situation seem brighter. His happiness and optimism seemed infectious, almost. When he smiled, he lit up the whole room. And he was always so gentle, with everybody he met. So kind.
Angel sighed. Yeah, he was smitten.
Oh, well. It was Lorne. How could he not be? Just looking into his eyes...
The door opened. Angel kept off the couch, ran to the entrance and squealed as he saw Lorne.
He lept into the demon's arms, not caring who the hell saw him.
"Woah! Hey, sweetie. You missed me, I guess.", Lorne laughed.
Angel sighed contentedly. "Of course I missed you. Mmm." he nuzzled the side of Lorne's neck.
Cordelia shook her head. "He always does that. Always has to be dramatic. Can't just go for a hug and a 'I missed you', he was to do the whole 'I haven't seen you for 30 years thing.'"
Wesley came down the stairs, wearing Gunn's red sweatshirt. Gunn trailed behind him, wearing Wesley's jeans and missing a sock. "Lorne, Cordy. You're home!"
"Hey, Wes! Yeah, you're not gonna get much out of them, they're doing the tonsil hockey..."
Angel tried to protest "We're not doing the tonsil hockey", but it came out "Mmmthffmmffy." Hey, it's hard to talk with somebody's tongue in your mouth.
They broke apart so that Lorne could breathe. Panting, they grinned at each other. "Mmm. I missed you, Angel Cakes", Lorne whispered tenderly. Angel held him and smiled. He was glad that they got rid of the curse, because this was perfect happiness.
Chapter 2: Coming Out
Hi, all. I just want to reiterate that I am postponing my other fics until A New Life is done. Thank you for your patience.
Xander sat with a book on his lap, not really reading.
Spike bit his lip. He wasn't even pretending to research, just pacing and worrying. The only thing keeping him remotely calm was the steady thump thump of his human's heart.
The Watcher cleared his throat. "Spike, go with Buffy to the graveyard.
He glared. "Why?"
"I'll go with the Fangless Wonder. Protect Buffy from him", Xander voulenteerd. Spike shot him a grateful look.
Chapter 3: Almost Surreal
Andrew and Robin. No, NOT Batman Robin. Think of the former principal from Buffy, who is obsessed with killing Spike.
I torture Andrew too much. But Robin helps him.
Warren never hugged him.
Laid an arm across his shoulders, yes. Touched his face briefly, yes. More than once.
Embraced him? Never. Not one time. Held him down as he tried not to scream, yes. Strapped him to a chair and gagged him, yes. Slid a knife out of his pocket, smiled, and told him what would happen if he screamed, yes.
Warren never kissed him until That.
Mocking, fake-tender kisses on his mouth, thighs, cheek. While he tried not to cry out, scream, shake. Even now, hiding under the covers from the nightmares that never, never fail to haunt him, he doesn't dare to make a sound. But before, when they had 'relationship' and he stayed with Warren out of genuine love instead of paralyzing fear, they never kissed. He'd thought about it. Many times, but he always thought that he should wait for the perfect moment. And then Warren started smacking him around, and it went to Hell.
Robin held him.
He'd been almost...shocked when it happened. They weren't together, then, but Andrew had woken up from one of Those Dreams, the dreams about blood soaking his thighs, dead babies, Warren laughing as his child's life slowly seeped out of him, Warren leaving him, Warren, Warren, Warren.
And woke up, on that godammed chair.
He hadn't been able to sleep the rest of the night.
Robin had given him a quick hug, just after lunch. He convinced himself that the lack of sleep from the night before had caused him to hallucinate.
Until, out of the blue, Robin kissed him a week later.
"What the Hell?"
"Sorry. I must have misunderstood-"
"No. No, you understood fine. I like you, you're, you're great. But why...what was that?"
Robin raised an eyebrow. "That was a kiss."
Andrew blinked. "Wow. Um. That, that happened to be my first. With anybody. Um, thanks."
Robin never hurt him.
Never pounded into him roughly, never mocked his tears, never looked him from head to toe with that sneer.
Robin never mocked him. The former principal never seemed to mock anybody, but he smiled at Andrew gently, gave him long, slow kisses, held him tight.
Whenever he had a nightmare, Robin held him through it. Whispered to him that it was just a dream, he was safe, he was okay. That as long as he was around, nothing was going to hurt Andrew.
It was almost surreal.
The first time Robin said "I love you", Andrew thought he'd misheard.
Granted, it was during one of Buffy's long-winded speeches. He'd leaned over and whispered it, directly into his ear, so that it tickled a bit.
Later, that night, when Andrew was wrapped in those strong, safe arms, he looked into those honest brown eyes and said it.
"I love you." he almost added 'too', but he'd thought it wouldn't make much sense. And he did love Robin. So goddammed much.
And Robin nuzzled Andrew's neck, tightened his arms a little, and said, "I love you too, Drew."
It probably came as a shock to Giles when he found them snuggled up on the couch together, a month later. Not even kissing, but just nuzzling, looking into each other's eyes, being close in a way almost more intimate than anything sexual. But Giles never commented, other than calling somebody named 'Ethan' and telling him to get a room at a motel. Giles was much happier after this phone call, and even better after he started visiting this 'Ethan' on a weekly basis.
So, when the Scoobies came in, and stared at the sight of Andrew in Robin's lap, kissing him slowly, when Buffy started yelling, he simply folded his hands and smiled.
He was starting to heal.
Chapter 4: Wake Up
Jonathan and Andrew in Mexico. Apparently, any time I write Andrew I have to make his life awful.
I apologize for this chapter.
This has nothing to do with Almost Surreal.
Jonathan groaned as he woke. The mattress was hard and lumpy, the sheets smelled like cat urine.
All in all...not a fun place to sleep.
What had woken him? Not the mattress, not the smell...he glanced at the window, and it was still dark. Probably an hour had passed since they fell asleep.
He looked at his roommate, and winced.
Andrew was curled up in his sleep, twitching constantly and panting. Whimpering, flinching as imagined blows struck him.
He looked terrible. Horrible.
Poor Andrew, he thought with a sudden pang of sympathy. He'd always liked Andrew, even though he was a little wimpy. He would have been, too, had he grown up with Tucker.
He hadn't known that Andrew was abused, really. He knew that kids teased him and picked on him, but not that his parents and brother had hit him.
Not until Andrew showed up at the Lair one day, looking like he'd been attacked by a bear. Warren, thank God, hadn't been there, and Andrew just kind of collapsed.
He hadn't known that Jonathan was there. Jonathan himself, hadn't known what to do with a crying, shattered Andrew. He hadn't known how to comfort him, or just make him stop sobbing.
He should have done something besides wait until Andrew stopped, then pretend he'd just come in and suggest that they watch Star Trek.
Warren, somehow, got it out of him. The beatings, how both his parents drank, how his brother scared him shitless by telling him that he was going to tell the police that he was doing drugs. Andrew wasn't, of course, but they probably wouldn't have believed him.
Then made Andrew trust him, by telling him that he'd make it all better. Comforting him, telling him that once they were rulers of Sunnydale nobody would be able to hurt him. Then shattering his trust again by leaving him and Jonathan to die.
Too many people had walked all over him. Too many people had been loved by Andrew, then turned around and tore him apart.
Andrew still loved his family. Jonathan knew that he did. That was Andrew's problem, that he had too big of a heart. That was why the thing with Ketrina scared him so bad, Jonathan thought. He didn't know her. Warren had already taken him in by then, and told him that she would be a part of their group.
"He said she'd love it", he said to Jonathan later. "He said she'd be like me. Just like me."
And then she called them her little stud muffins, and was so affectionate, so happy.
Then the whammy wore off and she called them rapists.
Then Warren killed her. One more person that would haunt him. One more person that would be in his memory, haunting him.
And something more to hold over Andrew's head. Make sure he didn't leave.
Like a stack of dominoes falling over. One after another. Making Andrew's life just one long nightmare.
He wasn't going to pass up the chance again.
So, he gathered Andrew up in his arms, holding him safe. Slowly, the shivering and twitching stopped.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Andy."
"I'm sorry too.", he mumbled, opening his eyes. "You okay?"
Jonathan considered. "I'm not the one with the black hole in his life."
He kissed Andrew's forehead. "I promise, I'm going to help you wake up."
Andrew snuggled into his arms sleepily. "I wish I could."
He would. Jonathan would make sure.
Chapter 5: Undefined
Their relationship is undefined. They like it that way.
Wesley snuggled closer to Gunn, yawning in his sleep.
Gunn grinned, rolling over and giving him a kiss. Wesley always looked so peaceful, sleeping. So...so young. It really struck him, the first time he'd woken up like this, just how young Wesley looked when he was sleeping.
Wes mumbled something about apples.
Gunn reached out a hand and stroked Wesley's forehead. Wes wrinkled his nose.
It was nice, to be undefined like they were. They f***ed like rabbits. Sometimes rough, loud, dirty. Sometimes gentle, sweet, careful. And then they cuddled afterwards, lying close and warm.
They argued. That was what kept Cordelia fooled, until she'd actually walked in when they were doing the dirty. They still thought that the other was crazy, called each other names, wrestled...actually, the wrestling...
They went out on dates. They held hands. Gunn had bought Wesley flowers, once. Wesley had blushed so hard that his whole face was beet red, but he accepted them and gave Gunn a little kiss.
They sometimes played with bondage. Yeah, mmm.
Gunn knew every one of Wesley's moods, and knew just how to calm him down. How to comfort him.
Wesley knew just what got under Gunn's skin. But he also knew how to comfort him when Gunn had a nightmare. Which wasn't often. But often enough.
Gunn knew a million other things about Wes. And Wes knew just as many about Gunn.
He nuzzled Wesley's shoulder, and kissed his neck. "Love you."
And then they were both asleep.
Chapter 6: As Ridiculous As This Teddy Bear...
After Naruto and Sasuke's second kiss, the boys do the dirty.
Sorry, no sex scene. But fluff. Because I say so.
Naruto collapsed, panting heavily.
Sasuke did the same, laughing hoarsly.
He'd never heard Sasuke laugh, until now. It was a weird sort of sound. Wheasy.
He sighed, trying to get his breathing under control. "Wow."
"Mmmm. For once I agree with you.", Sasuke sighed. "That was..." he paused, obviously trying to think up an appropriate statement. "Amazing. You. You were amazing."
Naruto looked at him. "Did you just call me amazing, bastard? That would be a compliment."
"That was the best freaking 40 minutes of my life. Of course it was a compliment."
"I have trouble seeing the point." Naruto stretched. "Why did we do that again?"
"I don't know. I said 'why do I always end up kissing you?' and then you said 'that's my line.' then I tried to say something, and you said 'oh, f*ck it', and threw yourself into my arms."
"Why didn't you...I don't know, push me off?"
Sasuke mumbled something.
"What? Speak up, bastard."
"Oh." Naruto blinked. "I don't know what to say to that."
"Well, since we just had sex, I'm guessing you're not... adverse to the idea?"
"Eh, no. I guess I haven't...really thought that you wouldn't be. That word you just said."
"Yeah, that. Whatever that means."
Sasuke looked at the blond. He smiled, and brushed some sand off of Naruto's shoulder. "I'm not stupid, you know. I'm a cold hearted bastard, yeah. But that doesn't mean I don't have a heart."
Naruto thought about how much nicer Sasuke looked when he smiled. "Well...maybe I'll just have to thaw it out for you."
Sasuke rolled over. He pulled Naruto's arm until the blond was hugging him. "I'll stand close to a campfire for you. Make it a little easier."
Naruto smiled sleepily, then closed his eyes and held Sasuke tighter.
Chapter 7: This Is My Man
Cal and Reg get caught.
"Cal?" More insistent this time.
"Calvin, I know you're awake. It's time to get your attractive but lazy ass downstairs."
"No. Five more minutes, Mom."
Silence. "I'm not your mother, Cal. At least I hope to God not. Now wake up."
He woke up. Proceeded to glare at his somewhat obnoxious boyfriend. "Why"
That was as far as he got.
"No fair. You're pouting."
And he was. Slightly, but it was there. The man knew that Calvin couldn't resist him when he pouted.
"Fine. But we both need to get dressed."
Happy nod. "Agreed."
Later (meaning after Cal had distracted him with the unfair advantage of being able to show up late, therefore being able to coax him into sex) when they were both downstairs, Reagan started to work. Finally.
Cal just watched him. He'd asked about it, once. Why he just sat there, watching him do paperwork, watching him do anything. He couldn't explain it.
"You just get this look."
"You're so focused. It's like...the rest of the world doesn't exist for you. You get that look in bed often enough, but it's like...I'm focused too. Too focused to watch you."
He hadn't gotten why anybody would want to watch him. Cal had just shaken his head. "Someday, you'll see yourself like I see you. Maybe it will even be before Hell freezes over, with your level of stubborness."
He knew that he did the same thing to Cal. Reagan liked to watch him sleep. Liked to watch him when the world slipped away, see that slow, happy smile. Would wake up next to him and just look.
Soon enough, it was the time that all the slackers came in. Cal gave him a quick kiss, then went outside. Waiting to pretend that he had just gotten there, and was waiting for Max.
He wished it didn't have to be like this. That they didn't have to be so stiff, in their roles of employer and employee. That everybody would just accept the fact that he loved the bejesus out of Calvin, and that it wouldn't effect anything.
They could be open. Kiss in public. They never really could, mostly because there was always the chance that somebody who knew them would see. It was only here, in this building, where they could express affection.
Reagan hated it. He wanted to say, "This is my man and anybody who doesn't like it can go to hades, because I love him and you can't do a thing about it." but he would never be able to.
"Bip bip bip!"
Calvin stifled a laugh.
It would be rude. Just rude.
"What is up wit that man?", asked Original Cindy.
"What're you talking about?", yawned Max.
"He seems happy. These past few weeks, he's seemed like he flying pie in the sky."
Calvin tried to bite back the comment about it being the excellent sex.
"Huh...you know what, girl, you're right. He is acting weird. Maybe it's because..."
"I doubt you kissin' him could put him in a mood like dat."
"You. Kissed. Him.?!", he slowly asked. Each syllable a vessel of pure, unadultured rage.
"It was an accident. It wasn't like I wanted to do it. I mean, yuck."
Calvin calmed down. This was Max. She'd never steal-
steal my boyfriend
Okay. He probably should be getting more sleep. It was obviously affecting his mind.
Max sighed. Finally. Finally, she could go home. Get away from Normal's weirdness, back to the hot bath that was waiting for her...
She just had to drop off this signiture, then she was done.
"Mmm...Cal? Cal, babe? What..."
What? That sounded like Normal.
And that sounded like somebody's shirt being ripped off.
She slowly snuck back into the building. The sounds were coming from Normal's office.
Somebody was kissing Nomal? Yuck.
She looked around the corner. What she saw would haunt her deepest nightmares.
Normal was shirtless. He was pressed up against the wall, panting, giggling slightly.
Sketchy. The person she worked with.
Sketchy, the person who was now nipping Normal's shoulder, nuzzling him.
She couldn't even cry out. She was too...transfixed.
"Oh my god.", was all she could whisper.
Sketchy grinned at her boss, diving for his mouth and kissing him. Yuck. Oh, god, yuck.
She realized that she'd said that out loud.
Normal looked around. "Cal, I just heard...stop that. I just heard somebody-"
His eyes landed on her.
His eyes bugged out of his head. "Calvin. Cal, stop. Max. She's right there."
"What? Oh. Hi, Max", Sketchy laughed nervously. "Shit."
She just stood there. "My god."
"Uh...sorry. We, uh. We thought everybody was gone."
"Um...I really never expected that."
Sketchy winced. "Nobody was supposed to find out."
Shit shit shit shit.
They'd been caught. By Max, of all people.
Had he mentioned shit?
"This isn't what it looks like."
Calvin glared. "It isn't?"
"I'm not taking advantage of him."
"Oh.", Cal settled back.
"I...wasn't all that worried about that. For a minute I thought he was molesting you."
Reagan blushed. "Well, uh. Anyway, were you here for something?"
"Oh. Yeah. That last signature. Uh, I'll leave it out there. I just heard you...and I thought I'd better...yeah."
"That thing with Max was awkward."
Cal nodded. "I don't think she'll spread it around."
Reagan smiled a little, turning in his arms. "I almost wish she would. That it would at least be out. Do you ever wish that we could just say that we're together? And nobody would blink?"
"All the time, baby. I've been thinking", he hesitated. "That maybe I should...quit. Working here."
"Because then we'd be able to do that. We'd be able to say that we're together, and nobody would think that I'm just sleeping with my boss."
"Isn't that sort of what you're doing now?"
"No. I'm sleeping with my boyfriend, who I happen to work for. I do work for you, yes. I respect you as my boss. I recognise your authority. But I also love you, Reg. It's-complicated."
"Do you want to quit?"
"Not really. I do like working here, but maybe the whole situation would be better if I didn't."
"If you don't want to quit, honey, don't." Reagan hugged him. "It'll be fine. Maybe we should sleep on it. We shouldn't make life-altering disicions overnight. Besides", he glanced at the clock. "It's 1:00."
"Time to sleep."
They settled down to do just that.
Chapter 8: Helpless Kathy
Angel wakes Lorne up in the middle of the night. He tells him something that effects their relationship greatly.
"Five more minutes."
"Lorne. You need to f***ing wake up now."
"what? whats gnon?"
"I'm in labor!"
Lorne paced outside the room. "Why won't they let me in? I need to be there. I need to, screw the damn rules."
Wesley put a hand on his shoulder. "He'll be fine. I promise. Tara knows what she's doing."
Lorne looked back at the bedroom door. "Why won't they let me in?"
"To make you miserable."
"I like to believe the best of everyone...but that makes sense."
A pained cry rose up from behind the door. Lorne growled. "I need to be with him, he's in pain, damn it..."
"I would suggest that you just walk in-"
Lorne tried to twist the doorknob and open the door, and got thrown back against the other wall violently.
"...but Willow did a spell so that you couldn't."
A drawn out scream of pain was heard from the next room. Lorne sank to the floor. "What, do they think this is funny? My boyfriend is hurting. I need to f***ing be with him!"
"I'm sorry. I know that this is awful for you. Actually, it's awful for me, too. I hate when they do this. When Fred was in labor they locked everybody out except for Tara and Cordelia."
"They let Gunn in when you were-"
"That wasn't Tara and Willow. That was a hospital."
"I just hate it that-"
Another, louder scream. Filled with pain.
"Oh, god. Good God, what if they're losing him?"
"They're not", Wesley sighed as he blocked Lorne's path to the door. "It's fine. He's fine."
"You don't know that!"
"I'm human. And I gave birth three times. Angel is a vampire. He's going to be fine. I promise."
Lorne sank to the floor again. "Dear God. I can't stand this."
The door opened. "Lorne?"
He was there in half a second. "Is he okay? Can I see him?"
"He's fine. He's asking for you", whispered Willow.
Lorne bolted through the door. "Angel?"
Angel was lying on the bed, smiling tiredly. "Hey."
"Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?"
"Like I just got run over, then skewred, then had to push an infant out of me. Not good."
Lorne sat down by him. "Sorry. I'm glad you're okay."
Angel hummed a bit. "I'm...more than okay, I think. God, I really have sympathy for Wes, now. He went through this three times."
Lorne winced. "Yeah. Doesn't sound pleasant."
"Remember how he broke Gunn's arm the second time?"
"She looks so peaceful."
Lorne smiled. "She does." he slid into bed with Angel, wrapping an arm around him. "What are we going to name her?"
"I always liked the name Kathy..."
"Wasn't that your sister's name?"
"Kathy it is." they smiled down at the sleeping baby. Their daughter.
She had Lorne's coloring, and Angel's warm brown eyes. She was small, not dangerously so, but...so small.
"Hello, Kathy", Lorne whispered. "I'm your Daddy."
Chapter 9: Off To Demon Preschool!
It's Angel's turn tomorrow.
"Coming, sweetheart!", yelled Lorne.
"Daddy, we're gonna be late!"
"Sweetie, just wait a minute!", he called back, though he was aware that four year olds cannot wait. It's physically impossible.
Where were his keys?
He stepped back into the bedroom. "Sweetheart? Do you-" Angel was smirking. Holding his keys.
"Here, honey. You always lose them.", still smirking, he put the keys in Lorne's back pocket, giving them a little pat.
Who raised an eyebrow. "You love teasing me, don't you?"
"You know very well what we're going to be doing when Kathy is at Preschool."
Lorne grinned, laughing a little. "Okay then. But don't forget-"
"Tomorrow it's my turn to take the Munchkin to school. Oh, it's such a hardship to take my adorable daughter to school, so that I get to spend an extra fifteen minutes with her. Oh, how will I ever go on?"
Shaking his head at Angel's drama, Lorne walked down to the hotel lobby. "Kathy!"
She was at his elbow in a moment. "Daddy, we're gonna be late!"
"No we're not, honey. I just had to get the keys from Mom." he picked her up, and off the went to the car.
"Off to Demon Preschool!"
Chapter 10: Kisses
What the title says
Gunn slipped his tongue into Wesley's mouth, making the man moan.
Wesley moved a little closer to him, trying not to fall off his lap. "Gunn...mmm..."
Gunn hummed. Hugged Wes tighter.
They kissed until they had to break apart for air, gasping and giggling. Cordelia and Angel didn't look up from research.
They were used to it.
Wes sighed and sagged. He leaned against Gunn, cuddling against him like a kitten.
Gunn stroked Wesley's hair, giving him a small kiss. "Love you."
"Love you, too.", Wesley murmured lovingly. He curled around Gunn like cat, and promptly fell asleep.
"Love you, so much."
Chapter 11: Ethan Rayne, self-proclaimed Mom
Giles visits Ethan. Then talks with the Scoobies.
Giles ran into the hospital like he was on fire.
He ran to the room he knew they were in and burst into the door. "Ethan!"
Ethan smiled crookedly. "Rupert. You need to be quiet. You'll wake her."
Giles crept up to the bed. "How are you?"
"I feel like I just gave birth."
"You did.", Giles sat in the chair next to the bed and took Ethan's hand. "Darling, I'm so proud of you", he whispered.
Ethan shifted, smiling up at him. "Do you want to see her?"
Giles eagerly nodded. Ethan turned the bundle in his arms towards him.
She was still quite red. Only a day old. Neither parent had seen her since the birth. She had her eyes closed in sleep. She didn't have any hair yet.
"She's beautiful", he whispered.
"I cried when they brought her in", Ethan murmured. "So did she, actually. She's quite loud, you know. Inherited your voice. Going to be a hell of a singer, if she's inclined.
Do you want to hold her?"
Again he nodded. "Okay. Cradle her head. Make sure you fully support her back...and if you drop her I will kill you."
"So, how was it?", Xander asked. "Did you freak out?"
"Yes, actually. Less than I did when he told me that he was pregnant-"
"Didn't he tell you by yelling at you for knocking him up?"
"So!", Willow smacked his leg. "Go on!"
"Well, it was the middle of the night. Ethan apparently started hitting me with a pillow in my sleep, because when I woke up I had one in my face. Then, Ethan started yelling that he was in labor and that we needed to get to the damn hospital."
"Wow.", said Xander, eyebrows raised. "He's way more laid back than Spike."
"Have you decided on a name?"
"Well, Ethan wanted to name her Anastasia. I wanted to name her Rebecca. We finally settled on Jackie."
"Huh. Jackie. Cool name", Dawn shrugged. "Did they actually let you in while he was in labor? I hear that sometimes they don't."
"Yes, mostly because I wouldn't let go of him. He practically broke my arm during the contractions. And when the nurse took Jackie he was ready to rip the woman's heart out. He said, and I quote "The damn woman's going to drop her or something, damn it!"
"Wow. I never figured Ethan for the overprotective dad."
"Actually, he says he's the mother. Since he's the one that gave birth and is feeding her."
"Really? Ethan Rayne, self-proclaimed Mom? He really has changed."
Giles wakes up.
Will probably add more to this later.
Giles woke up.
He groaned, feeling very sore. Had he gotten drunk? He felt-
There was somebody lying across his chest.
Ethan was smiling softly, his head on Giles' chest. "Mm. Rupert."
He could hardly believe this.
Ethan blinked his eyes. "Rupert", he said and smiled. He reached up to give Giles a hug.
Chapter 13: Knocked Up
Giles knocked Ethan up during A New Man. It has consequences.
The one year old started to cry, at the loud noises that were going on around her. Her mother hushed her, rocking the basket she was in gently. "Shhh, shhh. Rebecca, shhh. They'll hear you.", the mother whispered.
He lifted the baby out of the basket, holding her close. He closed his eyes. These people weren't so bad as to leave a baby by herself. They always watched her while he was experimented on. God, what a life. This was decidedly not the kind of life he wanted her to have.
The door opened.
Ethan stared at it in shock. The door never opened. Not without somebody there. This was...
He set Becky down, in her basket. Then crept outside. Nothing happened.
He grabbed Becky, and ran.
Ethan made it halfway through Sunnydale before the Slayer caught him.
"I thought you were in Nevada."
Rebecca started to cry. He'd been so scared, the first few months, when she had cried almost nonstop. Babies, unfortunatly, were especially susceptible to magic. Who knew what the poor girl had picked up in that awful place.
He tried to calm her, before the Slayer heard, before-
She made a grab for Becky, and Ethan bolted. He ran faster than he'd ever run before.
He got a room in a cheap motel. Well, all right, more like broke in. It wasn't as if he had any money.
Besides, he wasn't going to camp out behind a dumpster.
"Here you go, honey", he murmured as he changed Becky. They had at least given him some basic supplies. Diapers, bottles. Though he didn't really need bottles.
He climbed into the small bed, taking his shirt off. He put it on the floor, then held his daughter against his chest and slept.
Rebecca wailed as they took her from him. She didn't understand, yet. He hoped that they at least had the decency to put her with a good family when she was old enough to be permanently separated from him.
The very thought made him want to weep. He would never give his baby up willingly. He was aware that made him selfish. But he couldn't help it. That crying, helpless infant was the only reason he was putting up with this.
They took him to one of the rooms. Laid him out on the table.
Got a knife.
And proceeded to cut him open.
They'd done so a million times, so it wasn't anything new.
Ethan woke up to a crying baby.
He smiled. Some things never changed. He reached for the diaper bag, and realized that he was in a bed.
Oh. Yes, he'd escaped. He stretched as well as he could, then picked up Becky and got the diapers.
He actually whistled-or tried to, at any rate- as he changed her. "Good morning, Miss Becky. And how are you today? Hungry?"
The now cooing baby looked so. Ethan picked her up again and settled back, plopping her on his chest.
It was still odd, breastfeeding. If it could be called that. He didn't mind in the slightest, however. He wondered worridly if that meant he was a pervert. He wasn't getting off on it, it was more...he felt more like a mother must. Maternal. Like he was doing a good job at parenting.
He felt a lump in his throat as he knew what he had to do.
"How do you like these, Duchess?", he asked, holding up a pair of overalls. "Would you wear this?"
He had a sudden daydream of Rebecca as a teenager.
'Like I would wear that!' 'let's get this!' 'M-om! Walk faster! Your old people legs are going too slow!'
He nearly cried as he realized that he'd never have that chance.
"Awww. How old is she?", asked a beaming woman from the next rack over.
"Almost a year. Her name's Rebecca."
Becky cooed, making him want to take her in his arms and smother her with affection. He didn't know how some people who didn't like infants lived with themselves.
Ethan gulped, sighing. He looked at Becky.
"Rebecca, I love so so much. Remember that.", he whispered.
He put the sleeping baby on the Magic Box's doorstep. "Be brave, Duchess", he said, tears in his eyes now, blurring his vision. "I love you. By by now."
Ethan only got halfway across the corner before he collapsed in sobs.
"Does anybody hear a baby crying?", asked Willow, alarmed. "I think I hear a baby.
Giles went out to inspect.
There was a baby on the doorstep.
She couldn't be more than a year old. Her hair was dark, her eyes blue. She cried loudly.
"Bloody horrible people. Who would leave a baby out at night-"
And froze when he saw a letter.
He got inside with the baby before he read it.
Her name is Rebecca. She's your daughter. You are her biological father.
I have left a bag full of supplies. The bear's name is Mr Puggle. Do not heat the milk for a full 30 seconds. You will have to learn to change diapers.
Her nickname is Duchess. She likes warm baths (not hot) and hugs.
Don't be offended if she despises you at first. She's a little fickle
just like Mommy but she'll warm up to you.
If you take her to Social Services, I will hunt you down and kill you.
love, best wishes, sincerely,
Giles stared at the paper in shock.
A painful keening sound followed by hard sobbing came from his throat.
Ethan had left Becky with a responsible adult. Somebody who would care for her well.
Then why did he feel like he was betraying her? Rupert was her father.
"That's the baby! The one I told you about!"
Giles started. "The one that Ethan had?"
"Yeah. What does the letter-"
"Damn. I knew the handwriting looked familiar."
Giles went out into the night, cradling Rebecca.
He found Ethan by an old Dumpster, crying so hard it looked like he was having a fit.
"Giles knocked you up?"
Ethan readjusted Becky's blanket. "Yes."
Ethan held Becky close, leaning against Rupert. Who slipped an arm around both and shook his head, smiling, at all the drama Ethan always went through.
Okay. I want to explain a little about Ethan's actions.
He wasn't getting rid of Becky. He truly thought that he was a bad parent. He wanted her to be raised by somebody who would take care of her the best they could.
Silly man. He does love his daughter. He's trying to do the best he can for her.
Chapter 14: Blueberry Scones
Eight month pregnant Wes is craving blueberry scones. Then, his ex walks into the library.
I can't get the idea of Wesley being preggers in Sunnydale out of my damn head.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Wesley sighed as he slipped into bed with his boyfriend. "Mmm", he sighed.
Rupert slipped an arm around him. "How are you doing?"
"My feet hurt, my back hurts, basically everything hurts. I go from reasonable to crying at nothing. And I'm craving blueberry scones."
Rupert nuzzled him. "Poor Wes. I'm sorry. Stupid Richard Wilikins."
Wesley grinned suddenly. "Yes, this is all his fault, isn't it? I can blame my stupid, demonic ex for knocking me up."
"If you hadn't lost your glamour in that fight with Balthazar, I might not have fallen for you. And you wouldn't have had the glamour if you weren't pregnant."
"You're right. But, still...I do love it. I love the baby. But sometimes...being pregnant isn't actually all that fun."
Rupert slipped a hand under the covers to softly touch his belly. "I know it isn't easy for you, dear. Especially hiding it from the children. I still think, if we tell at least Willow-"
"I don't want to worry them. Especially not her. I've been trying to get that stubborn Cordelia to admit that she likes Buffy, and Willow to admit she's gay. I just don't think that, among personal crisis and stopping the Ascension...they don't need to worry about an infant on top of it. That's my job."
"I like to think it's my job as well", Rupert pouted. "Do you think...some day..."
Wesley slowly smiled. "This child is probably going to know you as 'daddy' anyway, since I'm not planning on leaving you any time soon."
"Thank you", he murmured. Rupert softly began to massage the growth in Wesley's belly. "What do you think?", he teasingly asked the unborn child. "Would I make a good second Dad?"
"Oh no", Wesley protested with a teasing tone, "I'm the Mom. I am the one that has to give birth, mister. I should at least be referred to as the mother."
"All right, you're the mom, I'm the dad. You certainly look more like a mom."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, considering that you're the pregnant one..."
Wesley laughed and whomped him with a small pillow.
"So, this is the inner sanctum. Faith tells me this is where you folks like to hang out, concoct your little schemes. I tell you, it's just nice to see that some young people are still interested in reading in this modern era. So, what are kids reading nowadays?" Richard picked up a book that was lying on the table.
"The beast will walk upon the earth and darkness will follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction." Aw, that's kind of sweet. Different races coming together."
"You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself speak, do you?", asked Buffy. Wesley shuddered, placing a hand against the place he knew his child was. He had once been fond of the way Richard talked. Found it adorable. That had been before he found out that his now former fiancee was evil.
Richard chuckled. "That's one spunky little girl you've raised." He looked at Buffy threatiningly. "I'm gonna eat her."
Giles grabbed Wesley's sword from the table and thrust it through the Richard's chest. Richard staggered back but regained his balance.
"Whoa!", he said with a shocked expression. "Well now, that was a little thoughtless." he pulled the sword out of his chest. Wesley held his hands over his belly protectivley. "
Violent outbursts like that, in front of the children? You know, Mr. Giles, they look to you to see how to behave."
Buffy glared. "Get out."
Richard spotted him. "Sweetheart! Did you drop by for the show? It might be a trifle awkward for the little tyke, but-"
"Get the f**k out", Wesley snarled with sudden ferocity.
"Sweetheart?", Xander asked incredulously.
"Yes, this is my fiancee, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Sweetie, why did you go so soon? Eager to get to our wedding place?"
"Shut up. If you hadn't noticed, I threw your ring away. You're planning to murder an entire town."
"Don't you 'sweetie' me! You murdered my family!"
"You hated them-"
"They were mostly innocent people! You killed an elderly lady, ate my dog, and you...threatened my baby! Rot in Hell, Richard."
"Hey! That's not very nice-"
"And I never told you this before, but I hate the way you never let me wash the dishes! And how you always have to be right! And how you make pathetic exuseses as to why a woman is tied up in our closet!", Wesley yelled. He marched over and stuck his finger in his ex's face. "I dumped you. So stop calling me sweetie and get out of this library!"
Richard left. Calling back something over his shoulder, but Wesley didn't listen. He went over to the couch and sat down.
And he cried.
"Woah", whispered Oz. "Poor Wes."
"He and the Mayor dated? Dated?", Xander asked.
"They were going to get married, he said. Like as in...married."
Giles coughed pointedly. "Can you please stop talking about Wesley behind his back?"
Giles went over to the couch and pulled Wesley into his arms. Who held on tight.
"I'm sorry", Wes sniffled. "I just...I got so angry. He always had to be right. Had to be the man. He wanted a son, you know. Said he wouldn't accept anything less. At the time I thought he was joking..."
"Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh.", Giles whispered. "It's all okay. I promise. He's gone."
Cordelia strolled into the library. "Wesley-" and saw Wesley snuggling Giles.
"Damn!", she swore. "Why are all the good ones gay?"
"Why in Hell didn't you tell us?"
Wesley had dropped the glamour at the beginning of the explanation. His hand was resting on his belly. "I honestly thought I'd be fired. The Council dosen't know either. They would have it killed."
"I still can't get over the fact that Wesley and the Mayor were a thing", Xander said, shaking his head. "Wait-is it his baby?"
"Yes", Wesley winced. "Though it's completely human. And hopefully won't be able to transform into a giant snake."
"So, you and Giles are a thing?"
Buffy sputtered. "Cordelia!"
"What? I want to know."
"Yes, actually.", Giles said, putting a hand on Wesley's shoulder. "I've been helping him though his pregnancy. It's been a little difficult."
"How did you find out?", asked Oz.
"It was Balthazar. One of the vampires knocked off the glamour. He was about...five? Six months pregnant at the time. Very noticeable. They could obviously smell and hear the baby. Balthazar threatened it and Wesley..."
"I wouldn't say..."
"I was a bloody prat, Rupert. A stupid coward."
"You threatened to saw his bullocks off if-"
"And then I stood to the side like a stupid damsel in distress."
"He has self-esteem issues", Giles muttered to Xander.
"So...Giles and Wes. That's sure going to take some getting used to", commented Buffy.
"So is the whole pregnant thing", added Willow.
"Actually, that part of it is pretty neat. How did that happen?"
"Richard. He used a bloody spell. Oh, if you like, I could show it to you."
"Maybe some day. I kind of like the idea."
Xander looked back and forth. "I know. This is a dream. Yes, a dream. I'll wake up and say, 'huh, weird' and it will be fine."
Then Giles leaned over and gave Wesley a kiss. Buffy covered her eyes.
She was getting used to it by another hour. It was still weird to occasionally look at Wes researching and see him with his hand on his extended belly, a smile on his face. Had he done that before?
"So...does he crave weird foods and have cramps?"
"Yes", murmured Giles. "Cordelia, you have no idea.
Buffy crept closer to them.
"Does he cry at weird times? And how about morning sickness?"
"Again...no idea. Last night we were watching Rifftrax and he started bawling for no reason. He doesn't even know why, poor man."
Xander spoke up. "Hey...why haven't I woke up yet?"
No, Xander isn't dreaming. It's all real. If only in this fic.
Chapter 15: I don't even know...
Uh...I don't even know what this is. Feel free to skip it.
"You have the right to remain silent."
Buffy stopped dead outside of the door. "Angel, what's this room?"
"Uh...actually...I forget. Here...", Angel tried to unlock the door. "Here...I have a paperclip, somewhere..." he dug it out and unlocked the door. Poked his head in...
And shrieked like a little girl. High and shrill. And he slammed the door shut. "I'm sorry!", he yelled. "Oh, dear god...I did not see that..."
'"What? What is it?"
Wesley opened the door. "It says, on the damn door, 'keep out'. Nobody listens anymore."
Wesley had his hair slicked back again, and was wearing his old glasses. He also had a cop hat on (and it looked real) and was in full police uniform. "I just got him to take his bloody pants off. Berk. You know this is our room.", he hissed. Woah, if looks could kill...
"Wesley? Why are you in a cop uniform?", Buffy snorted.
Somebody came up behind Wes and put his arms around him. "What, you never heard of role playn'?", the person asked.
It was Gunn, the guy she'd been introduced to earlier. The one that she'd thought was hot.
"What are you doing here, Gunn?" Buffy was getting more confused by the second.
"We were in the middle of something. It's called sex. I don't know if you've heard of it."
"Se- what...you two? What?"
"I was going to frisk him. We even bought handcuffs.", said Wesley, holding them up. "Real ones, not those stupid plastic ones that you get at party stores."
Buffy nearly fainted.
"I was gonna convince him to dress like a Catholic school girl...but this is better.", murmured Gunn, nuzzling Wesley's shoulder
Her head thought about exploding everywhere.
"Can you two go so we can continue having sex? Or are you going to make me stand here all day?"
Buffy pushed them back and slammed the door. She turned to Angel.
"Is everybody that lives here gay?", she demanded.
"Yes. Well, except Cordelia. She's bi", he explained.
Chapter 16: Reunion
A reunion of exes. Like most, it starts off not going well. But there is announcement of pregnancy, declarations of love, and Giles is proud of his son. (Meaning Xander).
Nothing to do with the Kathy series.
Lorne cracked an eye open. "Yeah?"
Wesley smiled at the picture the two of them made. Lorne had Angel in his lap, and they had fallen asleep like that.
The two always seemed so wrapped up in each other. Even before they'd gotten together, they had been so...comfortable together. Wesley didn't know exactly how they'd become a couple, but he had found them sitting in the back of Caritas one day kissing. He wondered briefly if they would have children. If that was possible. Well, if it was possible with two humans...
Wesley suddenly missed Gunn with a sharp, aching pang. His boyfriend was in New York with Cordelia, trying to limit her spending. A worthy cause, but he wished that they could have gone together. He shook his head and turned his attention back to the matter at hand.
"Buffy. She's here."
"Buffy.", Angel said in that quiet way he always said her name.
"Cordelia said...that you...you got rid of the curse. But not your soul. Ju-just the happiness clause. I had to..."
"I-I get it. Um...this is Lorne", he said, giving himself a shake. He truly was over her. He loved Lorne with all his heart. It was just such a shock to see her again..."and you remember Wes."
Buffy didn't look away from him. "Hi."
"Buffy...I know we discussed the...the possibility of us getting back together but...it's not going to happen."
"I know, there's so many other factors. Li-like you being a vampire. And therefor immortal. And...me being the Slayer. And...a bunch of other stuff. I just...I had to see you.", she finished quietly.
Angel gulped. "And the fact that I'm seeing somebody." though from his point of view it was much more serious than just seeing him.
"Oh. Oh, that's...good. What's her name."
"It's not a her."
Buffy was silent. "Um. Okay...does that mean its a...him?"
"Yes." Angel looked at Lorne and took his hand. "I love you.", he murmured. He said that several times a day already, but he needed to say it.
"Well...I'm having his baby, and we've been dating for a year now. Even without the baby, I love him."
"That's..that's goo-wait, you're WHAT?!", she yelled at the same time Lorne exclaimed "What?!"
"You...wait...what? Angel...you're what?", said Lorne.
"Uh...yeah. I was going to tell you, and then Buffy..."
"Angel, how...you're guy! Guys don't-"
"I happen to be male, too. And I'm six months along.", called out Wesley.
Buffy looked at him and practically fainted. "Oh my god. What...this..."
"Hello! What did we miss?", said Cordy, walking in.
"Well, Angel just announced that he's pregnant, I just got a text from Spike saying that he and Xander have Giles' blessing to get married, and Anya ran into Faith, and they are expecting also. I hope being a mother will settle Faith down."
Lorne still couldn't believe it. "I'm going to be a father?"
"Yep. And I'm...does this make me the father or the mother?"
Wesley got up carefully to hug Gunn, who had brought lemons. "Does the label matter?"
Angel shrugged. "Maybe not." he grinned at Lorne, knowing that when Buffy woke up he'd have some explaining to do. But for now, he'd kiss his boyfriend and forget the rest of the world for a while.
Chapter 17: In Giles' Office
Wesley decides that suitable revenge on Mr Giles would be to give birth in his office.
This one can either be read as friendship or preslash. Your choice.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Wesley walked into Mr Giles' office, sighing.
Ever since becoming pregnant, he'd actually paid attention to his own life. He had never thought it worth two grains of salt before, but now...
He put a hand to his glamoured belly, which only he could see the reality of. His child kicked.
He would be going into labor any day, now. Stupid Travers, sending him on a dangerous assignment, knowing full well that he could die. Before, he wouldn't have cared. Now, his life was tied to this baby. If he died, so would it.
That was not going to happen.
"You're going to be fine", he murmured to his baby. "You're going to be just fine.
His baby kicked in response.
He grabbed the book he needed, settling down at the desk to read. His baby kicked again.
And again, harder. "Ouch", he muttered. "Stop it."
For a while, it did. Wesley got on with his reading and translating.
"Aaah!", he cried in shock. Had he just...without knowing...
A pain suddenly ripped through him.
Wesley was in labor.
He moaned in pain. "Oh...this is...good lord..."
He knew what to do, thank god.
He had undressed and laid down on the cot, after securely locking the office door. The pain was getting unbearable.
He was pushing as well as he could. He screamed at times, it was so painful. Thank god that nobody was here yet...
"Wesley? Are you in there?"
Scratch that. Mr Giles was here.
He had an insane urge to call out 'I'm in labor! Come back later!'
He cried out, more quietly than he had before. He pushed again. God, this child did not want to come out...
He screamed as a tight, ripping tearing pain went through him.
Giles rolled his eyes and decided to wait it out. The man had fits of pique. Stupid Wesley-
Wesley screamed behind the door.
He sounded like his appendix had just burst. Good god. He'd heard that scream before, it was a scream of pure pain.
He rammed into the door, breaking the flimsy lock. He lurched inside, eyebrows raising at what he saw.
If he didn't know better...he'd say that...
"Wesley, what are you doing?"
The man gave a slight, hysterical sounding laugh. "Oh, nothing, nothing. Bit of-aaah! This and that. Thought I'd push an infant out of my body."
Giles refused to faint. Instead, he closed the door and knelt by Wesley. "All right...god...here", he said, giving Wesley his hand. "Hold it."
He complied, squeezing Giles' hand quite hard. "Are you...really helping me?"
"Wesley, giving birth transcends personality conflicts", he said in his best Quinn Morgandorffer voice. Wesley laughed.
Actually laughed. It sounded...nice.
Giles shook his head. "All right, you need to push."
Mr Giles was really helping him.
The wonder and slight blush lasted about ten seconds, before another contraction had him screaming.
Mr Giles winced. He was about to apologize when the man said "Shhh. It's all right. Just focus on the pushing."
He did. He pushed hard, he wanted this baby out-
"Hey, don't do it so hard, you'll hurt yourself. Just relax. You're all right."
Wesley whimpered. "It hurts."
"I know. I know. I delivered two of my own cousins, you know. It's painful to watch your aunt hurting like that. Poor woman. My cousin was quite healthy, though. So was the one three years after her."
Mr Giles spoke in a low, soothing voice, and occasionally squeezed his hand. Wesley smiled. He had a weird urge to hug the man.
Giles almost cried when he saw how sickly Wesley's smile was. Poor man...he'd had no idea.
He couldn't think about that now..."I need you to push. Not too hard, don't hurt yourself."
Wesley complied, wincing. "Good. Another."
A baby's cry filled the air.
Wesley laughed hystericly. "Oh, good bloody...Aaaaaah!"
Giles dropped Wesley's hand and slid onto the cot. He gently moved the man until his head was in Giles' lap. He took Wesley's hand again. "It's all right, Shhh. Shhhh....shhh."
"Okay, push again."
Wesley pushed. "Good. Another one."
Giles started stroking his hair. "Good. You're doing fine. We're almost done. Just a couple more..."
Wesley pushed again.
"Good. That's good."
He pushed again...
"There. One more...a big one..."
Another push and he was unconscious.
Giles went to the desk and got a knife. He cut through the umbilical cord and picked up the baby.
It was a girl. He smiled. "Shhhh. Shhh, you're all right. Shhhh...shhh. Your daddy is sleeping, he's fine. Shhhh..."
"...say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don't sing..."
Wesley woke up to Giles sitting at the other end of the cot singing.
He was holding the baby, wrapped in what looked like a soft, pink flannel.
"Can I see her?", Wesley croaked.
Giles turned and smiled. "Of course."
He laid the baby on Wesley's chest. His hands were shaking, he saw. He wouldn't be able to hold her. He sighed at the loss. That's why he had opted for natural birth. He couldn't wait to hold his daughter.
She was quite red. Bald. Small.
Giles watched Wesley stare in awe at his baby. "I can't believe I made her."
"Babies are miricals. This one more than most."
"I'm intersex", Wesley said carelessly. "Oh...look at her nose..."
Giles smiled at the sight of the man so taken in by his daughter.
"This sounds...needy and...probably intrusive...but...could you..."
"Yes?", he prompted gently.
"Would you hold me?", Wesley asked in the smallest, quietest most ashamed voice he'd ever heard.
Giles moved until he was at Wesley's side, then laid down. He took father and child into his arms, rubbing Wesley's back. "I just delivered your baby, Wes. It's not needy or intrusive. Now rest. Let me worry. Just lie back and rest."
Wesley smiled, then closed his eyes. He fell asleep in Giles' arms with his daughter curled up on his chest.
-Daria, skin care crisis transcend personality conflicts.
Quinn Morgandorffer, from the Daria episode ill
Chapter 18: The Witch Was Amy
There is a spell. Lorne and Gunn are away. Wesley and Angel get hit by this spell. There is crying and chocolate.
Angel curled up on the couch. "Uuuhg.", he groaned.
Cordelia sighed in sympathy. "I know. It's awful."
"I have a new appreciation for all females everywhere", he groaned. "How to they get through this alive?"
Wesley looked up. "The stomach cramps are painful, but it really won't kill you."
Cordelia glared. "That's rich. You have no idea what poor Angel is going through."
"Actually, I do. That spell hit me first."
"Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry."
"That's all right. The way I delt with it was to just lock myself in my flat with a year's supply of chocolate and cry for three days."
Angel looked up miserably. "You could have warned me."
"I did. After I was done clutching my midsection and bawling. I came over here and warned you."
"It's a little too late."
Wesley sighed, getting up. "Here. To make it up to you, I'll steal my boyfriend's wallet and go get you some chocolate."
"Thanks. Get lots, okay?"
"All right. And I do feel for you. If you want me to go and get you a teddy bear too, I can do that. It helped me since Gunn wasn't there."
Angel put his face back in the pillow. "Thanks."
Cordelia looked at him and shook her head. "I feel sorry for you. I've had years of experience, but this just hit you and Wes like a ton of bricks."
"Do girls really get excited about this? It makes you miserable and it hurts."
"Unfortunatly, they leave that part out. They really shouldn't. I actually forced myself to throw up so that I could leave class. I stayed in bed clutching my stomach and eating ice cream. I remember wondering if I was dying."
"Thanks so much for your support."
Wesley returned two hours later with three bags. Two were full chocolate, the other held a hot water bottle and a teddy bear. "The bear is mine, be careful with him. I've become very attached."
Angel took the bear and cuddled it close. "Thanks. God, I feel awful. It's like somebody is repeatedly kicking me in the abdomen." he took the offered bar of chocolate as well and muched on it. "I feel slightly better."
"Couldn't you have given Angel some of your leftover stuff?"
"I ran out. Ate all the food in three days." Wesley stretched out on the other couch. "I wish Gunn would get home."
Angel smiled for the first time that day. "Lorne. Hi, honey."
"Hey. Angel, you okay? You look awful."
"He's PMSing", called Cordelia.
Gunn started. "What?"
"We ran into this stupid witch on PMS who was muttering about rats. She did a spell on Angel and Wes while yelling at them about being insensitive males."
"And the spell gave Angel PMS?", asked Gunn blankly.
"Yes. Do not even TRY to tell me that it's not possible. It so is. Because it's dark, evil black magic. Oh god, this hurts", groaned Angel.
"I got it too. Thank lord that's over. You shouldn't have taken so long, you know. I spent three days in my flat sobbing. I had to go out and buy a teddy bear as a snuggle substitute.", Wesley said to Gunn.
Lorne and Gunn looked at each other. "Uhhmmm...how do we help with something like this?", asked Gunn.
"Well, first.", Wesley stepped forward and hugged Gunn. "We don't know if this is a one time or monthly thing. And second, we'll probably be able to make it go away. It was a spell. Spells can be broken."
"I feel like I'm broken", moaned Angel.
Lorne sat down beside him and have him a kiss. "I'm sorry that I wasn't here. If I had been...if I'd known..."
Angel gave Wesley's bear to Cordelia and snuggled Lorne instead.
I felt the insane need to write this...ugh...
Sorry. I feel awful. I hope somebody, somewhere did not totally hate this.
Chapter 19: This Helps
Another PMS fic. Because I hurt.
I apologize for this...
Giles grumbled. This was simply insane.
Willow shook her head in regret. "I'm sorry, Giles. We just have to let it run its course. Thank god Anya accidentally misheard that girl..."
Giles sighed. "How is this any better? It bloody hurts."
"Giles, it's honestly not that bad. It hurts a little-"
"A little? It feels like somebody is rythamically kicking me in the abdomen! And that-that dripping sensation! It hurts to walk!"
He stormed off. Went into the back room and curled up on the floor in pain.
"Giles needs some...alone time", sighed Willow. She had eventually gone to the back room and pulled Giles out. She'd taken him home, and set him up in his bed. It had been sad, the way he'd curled up in bed, clutching his stomach.
"Alone time?", echoed Xander. "Is he okay?"
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Did Anya's little trick do something after all?"
"Uh...Giles is really the one who should tell you."
"Willow, is he okay?", demanded Buffy.
"Yes. He is. He's just...uncomfortable."
It hurt much less when he was lying down, but he inevitably had to go to the bathroom. And seeing...dear lord...
He was practically crying.
He painfully limped down the stairs. He was ashamed of the way he felt, but he just felt so...needy. He sniffed.
Giles realized that he wanted to crawl onto somebody's lap and whimper for a while. God, he hated this. So much. His stomach was cramping so badly it felt like he was dying, and his insides were on fire.
It really, really hurt...
He painfully walked to the phone. He dialed the number.
"Wesley? Can you come over?"
Wesley impatiently waited for the green light.
Rupert had sounded like he was going to cry. He was usually the comforter, the one that soothed away the hurt. Wesley wondered what could have happened to make such a strong man sound so...
Was he all right? Was he hurt? What was going on?
Giles ran to the door and opened it, throwing himself onto the younger man's arms.
Wesley stumbled back, but put his arms around Giles. "I missed you as well."
He took Wesley's hand and ushered him inside.
"Rupert, are you all right? You sounded so hurt on the phone..."
He once again had to hug his boyfriend.
After Wesley convinced Rupert to let him go, he was told the oddest story he'd ever heard.
"This Anya cursed you to...mensturate?"
"Yes.", said Rupert miserably. They had moved upstairs as the story was told, Wesley knowing that he'd feel better laying down. Indeed, the expression of pain Rupert was wearing had dissipated imensly. "God, Wes...it hurts so bloody much. It's like somebody squeezing me. And that...that dripping feeling...and...god, seeing it..."
Wesley stroked his poor boyfriend's hair. "I'm sorry. That sounds awful. I wish I could have been here sooner." Rupert snuggled into his arms.
"I feel so...vulnerable."
"I know. Poor baby." Wesley gave him a kiss and turned them both over a bit. "I wish I knew how to help."
Chapter 20: You Have To Try This
I have no idea. It's all based on this dream I had, so it's pretty messed up. Don't even ask. I don't even know why I'm posting this...
Actually, I mostly posted this one because I don't have a Wes to snuggle. Wah. So I decided to be nice to all these characters for once and give THEM a Wes to snuggle. Wonder what's gonna happen when he wakes up? *raises eyebrows*
Buffy came into the library. Just a normal day. Nothing wrong.
Then the world...exploded. Or something.
Giles was lying on the couch. Not unusual. What was unusual, weird, and actually scary was that Wesley The Whiner was there with him.
They were snuggling.
"Buffy", Giles whispered. "You have to try this."
Buffy backed away. "What...you...I am not seeing this..."
Wesley was lying all the way across the couch, with both arms around Giles, who was cuddling him like a teddy bear. "Really, Buffy. I'm not kidding. It's...better than sex."
Buffy backed out of the library. "Oh my god. I did not see that. Oh god."
Willow, Xander and Cordelia found her like that, slumped against the library door, mumbling "didn't see...refuse to acknowledge it... didn't see..."
"Buffy!", Willow cried. She keeled next to her friend. "Are you okay?"
"I...think I passed out for a while. Then...went back in...thinking it was all some...horrible twisted nightmare...Giles...Wesley...Oz...Angel...Faith. Giles...why would he do this...he knows my psyche is delicate..."
Xande opened the library door and looked in.
Somehow, Oz, Giles, Angel and Faith had fitted themselves onto the small couch. And they were all snuggling Wesley.
Oz yawned and opened his eyes. "Hi. Wanna join in?"
"Is...what...please don't tell me that this is an orgy", said Cordelia, shaking her head.
Giles looked up. "No! No, nothing like that. I just...came in here...and Wesley was snoring. He just looked so...and then he grabbed my wrist in his sleep..."
Faith grunted. "Better than sex."
Oz nuzzled Wesley's face. "Almost as good as Willow cuddles."
Willow eagerly ran over to Oz and was quickly pulled down into the mass. She ended up holding Wesley's hand, with Oz holding her and at the same time still managing to nuzzle both of them at once.
Buffy stood still in shock. "Dear lord. Why? This...is..."
Cordelia marched over and settled herself behind Giles, effectively cuddling him and Wesley's elbow at the same time.
Wesley sighed in his sleep, unknowingly settling himself deeper into the embrace of about three people. Buffy stumbled out of the library, muttering about asylums.
Chapter 21: Not Lindsey
Fluff. Because...reasons. And Wesley being a supportive Dad. Because reasons.
"We are not naming it Lindsey."
"Lorne...the two of us are fine with each other now, but we still have a lot of issues. I don't think naming our second born after him is a good way to go."
"Well, we'd ask. But come on, sweetie. We've been searching for a good, gender-neutral name-"
Angel sighed. "I don't know..."
"We'll ask him. I promise, before any signing of birth certificates, we'll ask."
"Fine. But...we are not putting this kid through law school. Just...no."
Lorne grinned. "I promise. No law school."
Kathy snuck in, trying to be inconspicuous. Forgetting that her mother was a vampire.
"Hey, Kathy", said Angel, reaching out to ruffle her hair. "How was school?"
"Oh...you know. Fine."
Lorne raised an eyebrow.
"Vanessa told me that Justin likes me."
"Oh.", said Angel. "How come I haven't heard about Justin before?"
"Oh...you know...I'm not that interested. I tried to tell Vess but she thinks I'm just shy."
"She obviously hasn't met your Dad", remarked Angel. "Is there a reason you're not interested?"
"For one, he's an annoying, immature idiot. He's cute, but his personality sucks. Like Knox."
Lorne looked at her. "How did you know about Knox?"
"Okay, Wesley was drunk and telling Gunn how much he hated Knox for putting the move on hos sister. I was listening outside the door. Go ahead and lecture away."
Angel ruffled her hair.
Wesley raised an eyebrow. "So?"
Vanessa chewed on her lip. "Remember what I told you about Justin?"
"Yes. And I met him and told you that I thought that he wasn't good enough for you, but if you ended up together I wouldn't stand in your way."
"Uh...yeah. Well...he likes Kathy."
Wesley winced. "Ouch. I'm sorry, Vanessa." he made a 'come here' gesture. She sat on his lap.
He put his arms around her. "That, to borrow an American saying, sucks. That doesn't mean he wouldn't like you, too. Teenage boys, actually teenagers in general can be fickle. You are a beautiful, smart young lady, and perfectly-"
"Dad, I'm fine. Really."
"Dad, you always talk like this. Whenever me or Mable have a problem that could-"
"I just love you. And I want you to know that."
"What?", she sighed.
"Dad just tried to give me a pep talk." Vanessa sat on the arm of her chair.
Mable closed her book. She raised an eyebrow at her sister, who was wearing a low cut blouse and a miniskirt. She had her hair dyed bright purple. "Dad let you go to school in that?"
"No, stupid. I just changed into this. I'm trying to tell you something."
"Dad tried to give you a pep talk. Congrats. He gives all of us pep talks all the time."
"How do you stand being so booky and sarcastic?"
"Because I inherited it from Dad."
Vanessa rolled her eyes. "I know that. But about the pep talk."
"It's because of his childhood!", called Pete from his room.
Vanessa walked to the doorway. "Eh?"
"His dad was horrible. He wants to be as far away from that as he can."
Pete glared, looking up from his axe. "You don't need to know. Keep it quiet. Dad loves us, isn't that enough to know?"
Mable got along with Pete better than Vanessa.
Her sister sank. "Sorry."
"Well, you should be", comments Mable. "Don't call me Maple for a week and I'll forgive you."
"Not to be offensive, but why do you tuck us in every night?"
Wesley stopped. "Well..." he sat down on Pete's bed. "I love you three. I just..."
"We know", said Mable, with a glare at her sister. "We love you too."
Pete actually climbed up on his lap and hugged him. It was times like this that reminded his father that Pete was fourteen.
Wesley smiled as he hugged his son. Mable sighed and crawled up with Pete.
Vanessa climbed up behind him and gave him a hug.
Angel rolled over. "Love you too."
Chapter 22: Humming
One twist and the relationship becomes something different. Kind of silly.
I have almost no experience with autism. I am very sorry if this offends, that is NOT the intention.
It was too loud.
Buffy was talking, Giles was talking, Willow was talking and it was too loud. Much too loud.
Polishing his glasses only got him so far. It made it a little better, to not see the people that were talking, but the soothing rhythem of soft fabic on glass just wasn't enough.
He got as far as Giles' office before he had to sit down. It was quiet in there. He could still hear voices, but they were muffled. He could usually handle it, handle the sounds and the noise, but sometimes everything was just...too...loud. And it was too bright. The sounds and the gleams were all too bright and sharp and loud, it felt like daggers in his eyes. Here, it was soft and dark and quiet.
He sat on the floor, under the desk. Slowly rocking in a soothing back and firth motion, he began to hum.
No particular tune. It didn't really matter. Just as long as it blocked out sounds. The humming itself was soothing.
He got so lost in the rhythm and softness that he hardly noticed the door opening. He did, however notice somebody sitting under the desk with him, handing him a bar of the American excuse for chocolate.
He took it with a smile, letting his fingers brush Xander's. Xander touching him felt nice, not like Miss Chase trying to be sultry, putting a hand on his shoulder. That felt...wrong. Xander was careful to let him initiate the touches, to not get too close. If he started to clean his glasses, Xander waited patiently for him to be done. He never would have thought the younger man would be so understanding. Once he figured out what the rocking back and forth was about, the humming, the glasses polishing (which Giles apparently did too, but for a completely different reason) he was very understanding. He actually invited hugs on several occasions, and always remembered not to speak when the rocking began.
He'd had a meltdown, just after Faith had revealed that she had sided with the Mayor. Not a major one, but he had tried the rocking and humming and even turned out all the lights in the flat and wrapped himself up in a blanket and it just wouldn't go away. Everything was too loud too bright too sharp too much and it just wouldn't stop.
He'd cried, and bit himself a couple times. Xander had been so patient, waiting until he'd wound down enough and ducking the flailing limbs as he got close enough to wrap an arm around his waist. That action had provoked him even more, but Xander had just keep holding on as he wrapped the fallen blanket around them both and held on tightly.
Eventually, he'd fallen asleep, exausted, and Xander had lain them down on the bed, wrapping them in the linens tightly. He had, of course, apologized profusely in the morning, but Xander shook his head and told him not to worry.
Now, he took the bar and set it aside, holding Xander's hand. He moved closer, until he could feel Xander's breath ghosting across his face.
Their first kiss was close mouthed and somewhat awkward. But Xander seemed to like it.
"You know, Wes...if I'm not careful, I might fall for you."
"The feeling is more than mutual.", Wesley whispered. Xander hugged him, chuckling.
Chapter 23: The Reason
I apologize for my life.
Evan sniffed, wiping away tears that had no business falling. This was silly.
She sat on an oak tree, far above the ground. Nobody would look up here, she knew from experience. Nobody knew about her place.
This oak tree was located it the middle of a park, and probably illegal to climb. That hadn't stopped Evan. She wondered why she had such a fondness for high places. Trees, rooftops, even hills. She felt safe up there, away from the taunts and sneers of children her age.
Children who pulled at her long hair, sneered at her long lashed eyes, who laughed when she cried. Children her age, in this area, were cruel.
Evan wrapped her arms around her legs. Just once, she'd like to have a friend. She was bad at talking, not antisocial, but scared of crowds and didn't know how to approach people. She guessed that was because she was grimy and undereducated, but also because she was wrong.
She just...it was like there was an itch, just under her skin, that she could never get at. Every time her teacher called that name, people used the wrong pronoun, when they forced Evan to wear a suit, it got worse, until she itched so much that she had to excuse herself to go into another room, where she would scratch her nails against her skin, just trying to get rid of it.
"What are you doing?"
Evan snapped out of her memories. She looked down.
There was a boy underneath the tree. He wasn't looming with malice at her, just looking curious. "I think that might be illegal."
He was dressed nicely, in fine clothes, with his dark, short hair neatly combed. Obviously wealthy.
"Don't care". Evan said, squaring her shoulders. Her voice came out deeper than she wanted. Always did.
"Well, okay. Who are you? I've never seen you before, and I come here often."
"Rupert Giles. Can you come down?"
Evan glanced at him. He was obviously intelligent, looking at her with a friendly little smile. No malice. That was definitely new. "Hmm. Let me think about that." she jumped down, feet hitting the ground hard. "Nope."
He looked amused. She almost wanted to smack him. "So, Evan. Where you from?"
"India." Not a lie, really. She'd been concived in India.
"Um...cool. Are you angry at me for some reason?"
She sighed. "A reason other than that I exist? No. Sorry. I don't really get along with people."
"That's okay. Some girls are like that."
She jerked her head up. He looked at her with complete honesty, and a little confusion.
Evan smiled tenitivly. "Yes. I suppose they are."
Evan held the photograph in her hand. It showed her and Ripper at 15, arms slung around each other, laughing at the camera. "I guess this is it."
She sighed. Waited for the Slayer and her ex to walk through the crypt door. So that she could be pummled and thrown out again. If she could dissuade the pummling, hopefully she could get him drunk enough to ingest the mixture, so she could do the ritual.
She squared her shoulders. After the ritual, where Rupert would be turned into a Fyarl...she would have to get one of his horns, grind it up, turn him back, and she could drink the concoction, which would turn her into what she was ssupposed to be.
He would be furious, of course. But she'd explain. And finally be Evan instead of Ethan.
Chapter 24: Don't read this, seriously, it's 1:00, I don't even know why I'm posting this
I don't even know. Skip it. It's really bad. It's 1:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I apologize for my entire existence.
Wesley closed his eyes.
He was so close.
He had been researching and had just come to the conclusion that the Ascension had nothing to do with the ritual sacrifice of the demon Araznath, when he felt a pain.
It was a small thing, easily ignored. Then came another, a few minutes later.
Wesley stood up, and went to the phone.
He dialed 911.
"I'm in an apartment on 9th street, on the 2nd floor of the apartment building, in room 370. I'm in labor. This is not a joke."
He breathed deeply, trying to remember how you were supposed to breathe in this situation. Was it two long breaths and one short, or two short and one long? He had no bloody idea. He was supposed to be in the damn hospital.
He had an urge to drag himself to the hospital and give birth on in the waiting room, just to show them. "Stupid, self righteous gits-should be in a damn hospital- can't do this by myself-"
His phone beeped. Wesley yelled in frustration.
The contractions were getting worse. If his bloody water broke he was f***ing having this baby. Damn it, why the HELL wouldn't the stupid paramedics believe him?
The phone continued with it's incessant beeping.
He grabbed it off the table.
"What do you want?", he snarled.
"Good bloody god, Buffy. What in the name of ALL HELL DO YOU WANT?", he growled as another contraction left him practically blind with pain.
"Um...are you okay?"
"You know what would be sodding great?"
"A bloody ambulance. Care to call one?"
"Wesley needs an ambulance", Buffy said, already dialing.
"I don't know. He never gets angry, you know? But he was groaning when I called and he practically screamed at me. He was swearing using those English swearwords that I don't know the meaning of but I know are really bad."
Giles stared at her. "How do you use one breath to say all of that?"
"I'm used to it. Hi, I'm at the Sunnydale Library. I have a friend who's, um...appendix just burst. I need an ambulance. 5 minutes? Perfect. Thank you."
Buffy hung up and called Wesley again. "Okay, think you can get here in 4 minutes? I've got your ambulance. Good. Ouch, okay, when you're done with whatever it is, tell me where you stabbed yourself. And what that word you used means."
He was driving.
Wesley couldn't believe he was driving while on labor. This had to be the most unwise decision he'd made in his life.
Funny thing? He didn't care.
He drove as fact as he could, breaking about 20 laws, probably, but he didn't care he just wanted the pain to stop-
He came to a halt outside the school where there was...thank dear lord...an ambulance.
"What do you think is going on?", asked Willow, breaking the silence.
Giles shrugged. "I have no idea. He was. In an extreme amount of pain, it looked like. I never would have thought I'd hear him tell somebody to...er, something I can't tell you...in Russian.
"I think his appendix burst", Cordelia said. "It's got to be something like that. What does OBGYN mean?"
"What?", asked Xander.
"Um...they're a group of doctors that specialize in...why are you asking?"
"I saw the back of one of those doctor's shirts. It said OBGYN. What do they specialize in?"
Thank bloody lord for pain medication...
Wesley yawned, looking down at the bundle resting on his chest. She was small. They always say how small newborns are, but you never realize just how small until you see one...
She was still very red. She was asleep, and didn't move much.
Mostly, Wesley just wanted to sleep, now. Sleeping was good.
Wesley was asleep with a baby on his chest.
He'd questioned the doctor who had come out to ask if they were family, and she'd told him that Wesley was a hermaphorite. All he could think was, oddly, "Huh."
Something flashed though his mind,
small girl, frozen, kaylee, river, slave trade? simon, jayne, damn she's tiny
and then it was gone and forgotten.
"May I see him?"
Buffy could be believe her eyes.
"That...that came out of Wesley?"
"She", said a sleepy voice from the hospital bed. "Naming her Faith. Fitting."
"Or Hope. Either one. Maybe both. This medication is lovely."
The baby gave a small whimper.
"Do you like that name?", Wesley asked seriously. He looked down at the infant.
"How is it fitting?"
"Gave me hope. That maybe I'm not...completely useless. To her I won't be."
Buffy shook her head. "Still can't believe that she came outta you."
Sorry, Thrawn. Another senseless mpreg fic.
Chapter 25: Fluff
Some fluff for the boys.
Wesley murmured softly in his sleep as his head dropped from Gunn's shoulder to his chest. Gunn pulled the man closer to him, listening to the way he breathed in his sleep, mouth partway open, little sleep noises coming out.
Gunn smiled as he buried his face in Wesley's hair, breathing into the soft, dark curls. Wesley shifted in his sleep, murmuring about apple pie. Gunn pulled him yet closer, wanting to be near as he could to the man.
After a few minutes, he decided that bed would be a good place to go. Wes got grumpy when he woke up on the couch in the morning. Hurt his back.
Gunn carefully scooped up Wesley bridal style and walked slowly to the bedroom. Wesley didn't wake but made little noises. Gunn figured it wasn't anything to worry about.
He drew back the covers with one hand and gently laid Wesley down, then got in himself. Wesley latched onto him and made the sleepy noises again. Gunn smiled and drew the covers back up and hugged him. Giving Wes a little kiss on the nose, he lay there trying to fall asleep.
Chapter 26: Kinda Cute For A Meatbag
The Professor ambled into the room. "Another generation of our family. My, she's hideous."
Do NOT READ unless you are familiar with Futurama! Otherwise you will be very confused!
And yes, I did Fry/Bender mpreg. Bite me.
"Let's have a baby, he said. The Professor will help, he said. How hard can it be, he said."
Amy winced as her index finger broke. "Ow!"
Fry gritted his teeth. "When this is over with, I am going to murder Bender. Murder him."
Leela cautiously peeked in. "Everything okay?"
"Fry just broke my hand!"
"Oh for God's sake", muttered Leela. "The Professor is coming, it'll just be a couple minutes and we'll knock you out and start the cesarean."
Fry broke Amy's arm.
"Stop doin' that, Benda. If you wear a hole in da floor, it's coming out of your paycheck."
"I don't care. I don't. He's fine, anyway. No more hurt than that one time Leela got stung by that giant bee and the stinger went straight through her to him. I don't care."
Hermes sighed. "Benda, I'm tryin' to do-"
The robot whirled around. "Shut up! I don't care about Fry!"
"I didn't say anything about Fry."
"Well, good! Because I don't give a crap!"
"Benda, shut up."
Bender growled and went back to pacing.
"Does everybody drool when they're knocked unconscious with chemicals?"
The Professor shrugged. "Probably just him."
Amy wrinkled her nose, holding her bandaged arm. "Ew."
"I wonder when he's going to wake up.", Leela mused.
"Should we call Bender and tell him the cecsarean went okay?", asked Amy, looking at Fry with badly disguised concern.
"I'm sure he'll be fine. Besides, when Fry wakes up he's going to want to talk to Bender anyway, and Bender will worry less if Fry's awake when he gets here.", Leela shrugged.
Bender slipped in the hole in the floor he'd worn with his pacing. "Ow! Damn hole." he stood up and glared at it.
The phone rang and Bender ran over to it so fast he slipped again. Luckily, he grabbed it on the way down. "Ow! Who the Hell is this and if it isn't about Fry I don't care."
"Hey, buddy.", came Fry's tired voice.
"Fry! Are you okay?"
"M'fine. I'm on really nice drugs. Leela says they're for the pain. Can you come over?"
"I can be there in...five minutes."
Bender ran out of their apartment like the Robot Devil was after him.
"Fry!", he cried as he ran into the Express' living room. Fry was half asleep, still slightly drooling, on the couch.
"Hi. My head's starting to clear. Ow.", he winced as Bender grabbed him. "Careful. I still kind of hurt. A lot."
Bender held on. "You're okay."
"Yeah, buddy. I'm fine. I was unconscious for most of it, actually. Turns out that they didn't use the right amount of drugs and I woke up right at the end. They put me back on them once it was done, though."
Bender pulled back. "I've been...not worried."
"Yeah. I didn't worry a lot."
Fry shook his head. "Okay. I'm just going to roll with that because I am insanely doped up on slightly illegal pain medication right now."
"Hey, guys", whispered Leela. She leaned in the doorway. "You want to see her?"
Fry nodded. "Definitely."
Amy brought in a small bundle of blankets held awkwardly in one arm. Leela followed carefully in case she dropped it.
Amy set the bundle in Fry's arms, then stepped back. Fry smiled at her, then said "Sorry for breaking your arm."
"I missed physical violence?", asked Bender. "No fair."
Once Fry turned his attention to the bundle on his arms, though, Bender did too.
In it, there was a baby girl with a small patch of orange hair and one closed eye.
The Professor ambled into the room. "Another generation of our family. My, she's hideous."
Bender growled. "Nobody insults my daughter!"
Fry placed a hand on his arm. "Hush."
Bender really knew he was whipped when he complied to the simple command and looked back to the infant.
"She's kinda cute. For a meatbag."
Fry leaned over and placed a kiss on Bender's metal mouth. "She is."
Chapter 27: I needed something silly because I'm feeling sad.
I don't even know what this is. Sorry, Thrawn.
Gunn froze with the spoon of cereal halfway to his mouth. "What?"
Angel and the rest looked at the half dressed man with the look of pure rage that had just stomped down the stairs and yelled Gunn's name.
Wesley growled and thrust a pregnancy test in Gunn's face. "You berk! You knocked me up!"
Wesley burst into tears and ran into the living room. Gunn went with to comfort him and Angel shook his head.
"Ummmm...what just happened?"
"It's called life, Angel.", Cordelia sighed.
Chapter 28: Guardian Angels
Quinn does in fact, have a guardian angel. Three of them in fact.
She's not noticing the things around her, particularly cars. Jamie takes justice into his own hands and asks Daria to talk to her.
He knows that none of them have a chance with Quinn.
That's fine. It hurts a little bit, but not much. Quinn is his ideal, beautiful, naturally graceful, cleverly concealed brains underneath her shallow exterior.
The concealed part worries him a little, but ever since she got that tutor she's been answering random questions in History, and answering them correctly. He is smiling on the inside every time it happens.
Jamie thinks of them less of a group of admirers, and more like bodyguards. They're around her almost as much as the fashion club, distracting her from the world by bombarding her with requests for dates and complimenting her.
He saw Joey close a locker she was about to walk into the other day, and Jeffy nudge her out of the way of a crappy driver. They weren't trying to make her live in a dream world. They saw enough of those girls daily. But they'd noticed, walking with her to and from school, that Quinn didn't look out for herself.
She stopped at lights...sometimes.
Jamie didn't know what distracted her so much. But she'd almost been hurt several times.
He hoped that she got a clue soon. They wouldn't be around forever, and once she went to collage...
Maybe he should ask her sister to talk to her, Jamie mused, playing with a pencil during History. Quinn was smarter than people gave her credit for, but she just didn't notice her surroundings sometimes. Particularly when she was on the damn road.
They tried to balance it. Distracting her when she was about to walk into a locker and nudging her away, trying to draw her attention to cars on the road so she wouldn't get in the way of them.
He remembered how she slipped on a piece of paper this morning, and almost broke her nose.
He winced. Yeah, a talk with Daria sounded good.
"Uh, hold on guys. I gotta go for a minute", Jamie whispered to Jeffy and Joey.
Jeffy raised an eyebrow. Jamie nodded toward the brunette, who was leaning against her locker, talking to Jane. "Mmm. 'Kay. Hey, Quinn!"
Jamie took a deep breath and walked toward her. "Hey. Uh, Daria, right? C-can I talk to you?"
She raised both eyebrows.
"Where's the rest of Quinn's fan club?", asked Jane. "I thought the three of you were conjoined triplets."
"It's about Quinn. I need you to talk to her."
Daria shook her head. "I try to avoid contact-"
"You're interested in her safety."
Jane narrowed her eyes. "Hey, this is starting to get creepy. Why would her safety be jeprodized?"
"We've been walking with her to and from school. She's nearly gotten run over three times in the past year, and we're not going to be there forever. Talk to her about it."
He walked away trying to breathe evenly.
"Jamie stopped by my locker today", said Daria.
Quinn jumped. "What? Why?"
"He said you've almost gotten run over several times. By cars."
Quinn looked confused. "Huh?"
"He's worried. It was touching, actually."
Quinn shook her head. "Run over? That's...how would I get run over?"
"Oh my god. You're really confused. Okay, that's it. Time to go to Mom. This is definitely over my head."
A week later, Quinn was stopping at almost every light. And when she didn't, Jamie, Jeffy and Joey were there to remind her.
She was getting better, and soon, maybe she'd be able to look out for herself.
Chapter 29: Yes, Wesley, Really.
Buffy finds Wesley and Giles being fluffy.
Wesley grinned. "We shouldn't be doing this in here."
Giles went in for another kiss. "Nobody will be here for another hour." kiss. "We have time." kiss. "Besides." kiss. "The office door is shut." kiss.
Wesley grinned wider. "Well, if you insist." he leaned forward and grabbed the front of Giles shirt, giving him a deep, passionate kiss that set him on fire.
Giles pushed Wesley up against the wall. "God, you drive me wild."
"Ah. And here I thought I was homely."
Giles frowned. He knew Wesley meant it in jest, but he still hated when Wes talked down to himself.
"Sorry", Wesley murmured. "I know that look."
Giles leaned his forehead against the younger man's. "It's all right."
"Sorry that I killed the mood", he muttered.
Giles shook his head. "Now I want to hug you."
Wesley smiled, a bit shyly. Giles leaned in for another kiss, this one slow and gentle. Wesley wrapped his arms around the older man's waist, squeezing gently.
Giles grinned into the kiss, reaching up and looping an arm around Wesley's neck.
He never heard the door open.
"Giles, are you-oh, god!"
Giles whipped around, separating from Wesley quickly. "Buffy!"
Wesley blushed bright red, mouth partway open, with a deer-in-the-headlights look.
"Were you...strangling him?"
Giles gaped at her. "Uh...we...you..."
Wesley moved closer to him, trying to get partway in front of him.
It should have been insulting, that this skinny, slight man thought he could protect Giles from his own Slayer, but instead, he found it endearing.
"We were...ah, in a private conversation.", said Wesley primly, looking almost composed.
That tone used to infuriate him. Now it turned him on.
Giles swallowed, stepping out from behind his boyfriend. "Yes. Private. Buffy, I will be out in a moment if you-"
"What did you do to him?", snarled Buffy to Wesley. "What's going on?"
Xander burst into the office. "Buffy! Oh. Hi. Giles. Wes. Uh..."
Wesley winced. "I haven't done anything to Rupert-"
"Aaah! No, no. Don't want to hear about the things two guys get up to. Definitly not. Ever."
"What?", asked Buffy, turning to Xander.
"Oh. Cordelia told you.", stated Giles.
Xander winced, now. "Uh, yeah. She asked if I was...you know."
"Oh. Um, you shouldn't take that personally. Cordelia thinks that everybody is gay. Including Angel, apparently. She wanted to know if we'd considered threesomes.", said Wesley dryly.
"What?", asked Buffy yet again.
"Uh...Wesley and Giles, are, ah, together. As in...doing naked things that I am in no way thinking about."
"With each other?", asked Buffy, looking horrified.
"Not that there's a problem with the gay thing. But...Wesley? Really? Wesley?"
Giles sighed and gave his boyfriend a kiss. "Yes. Wesley. Really."
Chapter 30: Not an update
This is not an update!
I was simply wondering whether any of you would like to see Andrew mpreg? Yes, no, horrible idea? I just want your opinion. Thank you all.
By the way, thank you all so very much for leaving kudos or comments! It touches me when I see that little number grow, and I'm glad that you guys like stuff that I put out. Thank you very much.
And happy holidays! I wish you all very much cheer! I hope that you are having a wonderful year.
Andrew stared in silence at the plastic test in his hand. "Damn you", he whispered.
Warren hadn't just lured him into an abusive relationship, killed Katrina, done lots of illegal stuff and messed with Andrew's head so badly that he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't.
He'd also knocked him up.
"It's mystical", announced Andrew to the camera. "I've been looking up this sort of thing in books I've found, and I found a fail safe test. Damn Warren. I have no idea what to do."
Warren had talked, before, about wanting to ensure that his "line" went on regardless. Regardless of what, he wasn't sure of, until Warren had admitted that he was sterile.
Well, he'd obviously found a way around that. Damn him. Of course he wouldn't ask Andrew's consent to be impregnated. Why on earth should he do that? Dear lord, he hated Warren right now.
Except that he didn't.
He mostly hated himself, for still loving the bastard even through the abuse and abandonment. And the ironic part?
He had a piece of Warren that he couldn't get rid of, now. When he was trying so hard to be good, here comes along something he can't throw out or stop thinking about.
Because Andrew knew, after that first week, that he wasn't going to be able to get rid of it.
Basically, he was screwed.
"God dammit!", he yelled in frustration after three weeks.
Everybody looked up.
"Andrew, what's wrong with you?", asked Buffy.
She looked tired, but was still on her feet and doing what had to be done. He felt guilty for annoying her.
"Sorry." he went upstairs and hid in the bathroom, going to to the cabnit where his comics were hidden. Well, technachly not his, but he'd found them there.
He passed an hour with them, hand unconsciously going to the place he knew Warren's child was.
He refused to think of it as a baby.
He knew that was what it was, but he just felt...intruded upon. Like there was somebody he didn't know and didn't invite there sharing his body now, and he was actually a bit scared of it.
If it had been Jonathan's, he might not have thought of it that way. He had never seen Jonathan as anything more than a friend, but if...
Andrew knew that he shouldn't delude himself, trying to pretend it wasn't there. Trying to hide it, as if that would somehow make it go away.
He also knew that it wasn't the thing's fault. It was completely innocent. He wasn't the sort of person to blame an innocent child for what he was going through, but subconsciously he couldn't help not liking this situation. He was captive in a house full of people, they were all probably going to die, he was carrying a murderer's child, not to mention being a murderer himself, and he was just so damn tired.
He suddenly felt sorry for the kid.
It didn't ask to have murderers for parents. It didn't ask to be in the middle of all this crap. It didn't ask to be the result of a mystical conception.
It didn't ask to have a whole lot of subconscious blame heaped onto it.
Giles turned to Andrew exasperatedly. "What? Did somebody eat all of the muffins again? Did Faith steal something of yours? What? We're all tired, and we are in the middle of a war, Andrew. We can't afford to have you complaining left and right all day!"
Andrew bit his lip and turned around. He felt tears forming in his eyes. He knew that all of what Giles said was true. He did complain a lot. He was super needy.
He walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. He sat on the far wall, taking in a deep breath to keep from crying and leaned against the wall.
Giles was just tired and crabby. He didn't know why Andrew was coming to him, he didn't know about the bab-
He shut his eyes. No. It wasn't a baby. It couldn't be. If it was, that meant he was pregnant and going to be a parent. He was male. It wasn't possible.
Oh, yes it is, said a snide voice in the back of his mind. Anything is possible, or have you forgotten? Besides, he used magic. More likely, got you to do it and not realize what you'd done. He knew about Lethe's Bramble, he knew how to use it. He probably told you all about it ("let's have a baby, baby") and made you forget.
Shut up, he told the snide voice.
Great. Giles probably came up to tell him that other people need the bathroom, too. He'd heard that speech before.
He got up and opened the door. "Sorry. I'll go. I wasn't using electricity."
Andrew stumbled on the stairs, looking back up on shock. "What?"
"I'm sorry that I was a little short with you. But you need to realize that you have to grow up sometime. You're in your twenties and acting more like you're fifteen."
Well, yeah. He kind of did.
"Sorry", Andrew said again. He didn't really know why he felt so guilty for that all of the sudden, but he did.
He knew that once, he had been...more real. Less of his memories had gaps and he was an individual, not a slave to anything that wore Warren's face and voice.
He turned away and walked down the stairs.
He suddenly felt guilty again.
It burst out before he could stop it.
Giles turned to him. "Oh, sorry, I didn't hear that. Repeat it?"
He could just lie.
He'd had enough of that, he decided. "I'm pregnant and it's Warren's."
"What?", Giles said and dropped the book he'd been paging through on his foot. "Andrew...you're...you're a man."
"Warren did some kind of spell. Or made me do it and then made me forget, I don't know. It sucks."
Giles stared at him blankly. "Andrew...you...how far..."
"A couple months. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about the other day."
"You...this...it...Warren, did you say?", asked Giles faintly.
"Yup. I mean, I haven't slept with anybody else. So it has to be him, right?"
Giles sat down. Actually, collapsed was a better word. "You..."
I will do a sequal.
I hope you guys like this! I'm sorry that I made it so sad, it was originally supposed to be fluff. I hope that I did this well.
Chapter 32: Nose Kisses
I am attempting to be cute. Please don't kill me.
Gunn poked his head into the room. "You okay, babe?"
He nodded, feeling miserable.
Gunn sighed and came all the way into the room, holding up a box of tissues and...
His teddy bear?
"How did you get a hold of him?"
"Well, English, let's just say that hiding him under the sink wasn't the best place." Gunn handed the care worn bear to Wesley, who took him and cuddled him close.
He looked up to find Gunn looking forlorn. "I thought I was your teddy bear."
"You are...most days. When I'm not sick."
"You've got a cold."
Wesley had to snort at the pout on Gunn's face. "Well, get over here, then."
Gunn eagerly got into the bed and hugged his boyfriend. Wesley gave him a kiss on the nose.
Chapter 33: How Did They Mix It
Kind of stupid. But funny, in my opinion.
"What made you decide that this would be a good idea?"
Andrew glared at Xander. "It was a good idea."
"No. It really wasn't."
"Okay, fine. It was a bad idea. But how was I supposed to know where to find Willow's favorite brand of sweater, and how was I supposed to know that they'd get it wrong?"
"I don't know about you, but I don't think Willow needs pore refiner."
"What the hell does that do, anyway? And how does Buffy not know where Willow buys sweaters?"
"And why did they mix up our order with somebody named Quinn? Who names their kid Quinn, anyway?"
"Darn. There goes my dream of naming our first born Quinn Harris."
"Andrew, unless you have parts I don't know about, we aren't having a first born."
"What?", Xander exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the street.
"That's how my brother was born. His parents divorced after he was a year old. We're only half siblings."
Xander stared at Andrew, slack jawed. "I...don't..."
"What?", Andrew smirked. "Didn't think I'd want your DNA?"
Andrew smiled, and kept walking.
He's not mad. He's just a bit sideways.
Feel free to stare and say "WTF, man?" I'm doing that myself...I don't know what gets into me sometimes.
Sometimes the world just didn't make sense.
It definitely wasn't madness. Probably. But sometimes everything would feel like mush, like a dream, where there would be a certainty that he'd wake up and say "How odd" and then go back to sleep.
But sometimes he'd sit on a couch, reading a book, and briefly panic. What was he doing? What was this? Why did he suddenly feel light?
All right, it wasn't a feeling of lightness really. More like he wanted to curl in on himself, hands on his ears, blocking out the noise and retreating to something safe.
Was this madness? He wasn't sure.
But he didn't have to deal with that alone, anymore.
When he felt light, panicky, Charles would sit down and hold onto him. Grounding him. Prehaps he felt this way also, and it was the years of fighting demons that did it. He would hold him close, talking in a low, soothing voice, about usually nothing in particular.
Perhaps this was madness.
But as long as Charles was here, it might not be so bad.
Chapter 35: Loveable Idiot
Andrew and Xander talk.
Andrew smiled, blinking. "Hey..."
"Hey, yourself", whispered Xander. "Are you all right?"
"That would be the painkillers.", Xander said with a smile. "I'm glad you're feeling okay."
"Don't tell me I have to do it again..."
"No. Why would..."
"Dunno. Mmm. You're pretty."
Xander raised an eyebrow. "Who, me?"
"Yeah...pretty. You look like...Xander."
"I am Xander."
"And that's why you're pretty."
Xander smiled. "Well, thanks."
"Dnt mntion it.", Andrew slurred.
Xander kissed his forehead. "Loveable idiot."
Andrew smiled at him. "Love you too."
I know this was short! Arrgh! I'm sorry that I've been so lazy with updating, but I've got stuff that's happening. Sorry, guys.
How do you feel about some Giles/Andrew? Maybe in the sequel to Piece Of You?
*raises eyebrows hopefully*
Chapter 36: Reassurance
Wesley lay under five thick blankets, looking comfortable enough. Book propped on the lump that was his stomach. If Gunn leaned forward he could see that it was A Little Princess.
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Wes' choice of reading, and instead walked out of the doorway and into their room.
Wesley looked up, smiling. When Gunn was near enough he reached out a hand. Gunn took it.
Still neat, even after all those years fighting demons. Still delicate looking, dispite having scars and calluses. Well, delicate looking to him anyway.
It was pretty weird, seeing him so peaceful now. The guy he'd met, way back when, had been fun and hot (not to mention adorable at times) but still...tense.
Right now, he was completely relaxed. Calmly reading, holding Gunn's hand, stroking his thumb across it now.
Gunn decided to hell with interrupting him. He pulled up the blankets and got into bed with Wes, who imediently wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close.
Nobody had ever done that before. He'd only dated women before, this was his first relationship with a guy, said guy being a former girl didn't count. He'd dated strong women, independent women, and it was his general opinion that most women were pretty tough.
And this really said more about him than any of them, but at the end of the day, he had been the one to put his arm around them. Been the one to hold and comfort.
He'd always liked being the comforting guy. And there was no reason that a girl couldn't give her boy a hug to make him feel better. Gunn just hadn't had that.
But with Wes, he instinctively held out a hand or opened his arms. He'd probably had younger siblings or cousins that scraped their knees and had to be held and kissed and cuddled. Like Gunn, though, he definitely wasn't used to being the guy who was the comfort-ee instead of the comforter.
And that was fine and dandy, because they could hold each other. They didn't have to hold onto somebody, no matter how comforting holding somebody might be, because sometimes you had to be the one being held.
At least Gunn, did, anyhow.
When Wesley laughed, Gunn snapped back into the present.
"Sara just got Lottie to stop crying. Clever little girl."
"You realize that I have no idea what you're talking about, right?"
Wesley sighed. "It seems that our child's classical and lituritureary education shall be left up to me."
"Fine with me. I'll be the one teaching them how to throw darts and how not to dress like a geek."
Wesley shook his head and put his book on the nightstand.
"Does it ever put you off?"
"That I never read A Little Queen?"
"A Little Princess", Wesley corrected. "Does it ever put you off that until those papers go through my legal name is Isabelle?"
"First of all, I can't read your mind. Second of all, I don't care what your name is, babe. You'll always be Wesley to me. Besides, I would have fallen for you no matter the gender." he gave Wesley's forehead a kiss.
Wesley put both arms around him and nuzzled. "God, I love you."
Gunn returned the hug. "Love you too, baby. Love the both of you."
Wesley smiled. "I've been wondering. If the baby turns out to be a girl, would you mind..."
This time he could see where Wes was going. "Is Isabelle a family name?"
"No. I've always liked the name in general, it just...wasn't the right one for me. I've always wanted a daughter with the name, though.", he said quietly.
"On one condition." Wesley looked up. "If we make her middle name Allona."
Wes smiled. "Agreed."
Gunn poked a gentle finger at Wesley's middle. "And how do you feel about that name? Do you want to be called Isabelle Allona?"
"It very well could be a boy", Wesley pointed out.
He scooted down to Wesley's middle, pressing an ear to it. "Mmm, nope. Says she's a bona fide female, thank you very much."
Wesley ran a hand over Gunn's head affectionately. "Charles?"
"What if...the baby is like me?"
"Then we'll figure it out. Not just you and me, but the three of us. Okay?"
Wesley gave Gunn's upper chest an affectionate squeeze. "Okay."
Chapter 37: Tickle, tickle
I want to reiterate that they are PLAYING, okay? Gunn's not actually scared. They're just being silly.
"Oh, no, won't somebody come and save me!"
"No, no no, I've got you cornered now...gonna get you.."
Angel heard Gunn shriek, then run away.
"Keep it down, okay?", he yelled up to them.
"Help! He's gonna get me! Help!", Gunn shrieked, running into a room and slamming the door loudly.
Then ran out of the room, into the lobby where Angel was trying to read, persuer behind.
"Help! The zombie's gonna eat my brains!", Gunn yelled.
The staggering figure managed to convey a threatening shadow, while Gunn crouched in a corner, trying not to run, while-
Wesley pounced, tickling Gunn mercilessly. This time she shrieked in laughter.
Angel sighed. "Do you have to play Zombie Tickle Tag inside the hotel?"
"She said she wanted to", Wesley shrugged. Gunn grinned, taking advantage of Wesley's distraction to tickle him.
He laughed, going all boneless, while Gunn straddled him, tickling him as mercilessly as he'd done to her. Angel shook his head.
"Love is weird", he mumbled, going back to his book.
Chapter 38: Best Boyfriend Ever
Some of Gunn's thoughts in this chapter are thoughts I often have, and should not be taken as offensive. I try very hard not to offend anybody, and I hope that you all are having a good day. Happy New Year! Sorry I'm late...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Gunn collapsed onto the couch with a sigh. The damn stomach cramps were back. They always flared up again after she moved, and they took quite some time to settle down.
She wondered if this made her weird, that she hated this so much. It hurt, goddamn it. And it made her crabby, and she always felt like such an idiot when it went away, because of how immature she acted. It stank.
Gunn wished that there was some way to control how she acted when she was like this. It was stupid, how did other girls live like this?
She stood up, and headed toward the sound, which, incedentally, was the bedroom. She could hear music coming from inside, and winced.
As she opened the door, she said "Wes, I do appreciate the romance, but I'm not really up...for..."
Gunn stood in the doorway of the bedroom, where Wesley was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a hot water bottle.
"I know that you're having a rough time this week, so...I thought that this might help", he said as he stood up.
Beside the bed was a fold out table with a tray of cinnamon rolls on it, and a mug of hot chocolate. There was a stack of comic books neatly laid on the bedside table, and a stuffed blue rabbit sitting on the pillow.
Gunn stepped forward and gave Wesley a tight hug. "You are the best boyfriend ever."
"I try to do well." he kissed the top of her head. "I love you."
After they got into bed and snuggled for a while, Gunn reached for a cinnamon roll and saw the note next to the plate.
It said "for my cinnamon bun. i hate to see you hurting, and i hope i can make it better, even just a little."
I don't have a Wesley to snuggle me.
I can really see Wes as the kind of boyfriend that would do this.
Chapter 39: Princess
What do you guys think of female Gunn? Like? Dislike? Personally, I frikin' adore her...
And yes! It's het! But it's het I approve of!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Charlotte hated dresses.
She liked makeup, sometimes. Definitely not all the time, and never coupled with any sort of dress or skirt. Alonna was the girly girl, at least compared to her, and she was fine with that. She got to explore old buildings, climb things, pretend for a while that she wasn't a lady. She was just Gunn.
Until her parents were killed, and she and Alonna started fighting back. Some of the guys were hesitant about having a girl in charge until they caught sight of her death stare.
She didn't remember exactly who started calling her soley by her last name, but hardly cared. Her job was to make sure that when they died, they stayed dead, not to concentrate on what she wanted to be called.
And then the little sister, the baby sister who looked up to her and she loved so goddamn much died. And she didn't stay down.
Charlotte, Lottie, died then, in that moment and Gunn was born. Just Gunn. Full of grief and odd acceptance, and love for the memory of her little sister, she decided that she was done with the bullcrap.
When she met Wes, when the skinny English dude woke up and started babbling to her, she hardly paid attention, until her called her Jayne.
"That's not my name.", she told him.
"Oh, sorry. You look like..." he trailed off, a confused expression on his face. He then shrugged and started babbling again. Morphine induced honesty. He said, a few minutes after he called her Jayne, that she was pretty.
He grinned. "You are. Prettiest girl I've ever seen. But don't tell Cordelia."
She was actually flattered.
He'd known right away.
Gunn sometimes wondered. Why she dressed the way she did, why she shaved her head, why she hated high heels.
She wasn't transgender. She knew that. But then why did she do these things?
Wesley, when she got to know him, was very supportive. In a never-commenting-on-it way. He accepted her as a girl, but treated her like a friend. He still held doors open for her, but he also did that for Angel and Cordelia. And, occasionally, Lorne. Once, when drunk, he admitted to wondering if she minded.
Gunn was surprised to find that she really liked Wesley. In a romantic way, which she never really had before. He was a nice, polite guy who admitted to liking her the same way.
So, she was a little strange. Angel was a vampire. Wesley was an ex-Watcher. Cordeliawas a seer. They were all weird, but they were all one big happy dysfunctional family. Emphisis on the happy. Most of the time.
And Wes turned out to be the kind of boyfriend that would get into a tickling fight, comfort you when you were PMSing, take all the weirdness and accept it.
Gunn was pretty happy with that.
I feel like this most of the time. Not dissing crossdressers, promise. Love to all people.
Bathroom conversations were always awkward...for Wesley, anyway.
"Come here for a minute?"
"Into the bathroom?", Wesley asked, frowning.
"Yeah...don't worry, I'm fully clothed."
"I think she's gone insane", Wesley muttered as he opened the door.
Gunn was standing in the middle of the room, looking like a nervous wreck.
"What's wrong? Are you all right?"
Gunn took a deep breath. "Depends."
Wesley's eyes widened in shock. "Are you..."
"No. I'm not pregnant."
"Not that it wouldn't be a good thing-"
"-I just don't think either of us are ready-"
Gunn closed her eyes. "Now or never", she muttered, bending down on one knee.
"Hold on. Uh, Wes, I've been thinking.", she said, taking a box out of her pocket. "And I love you to pieces. So...god, didn't think it would be this difficult...will you marry me?"
Cordelia smacked him on the arm. "Did you say yes?"
"Of course I said yes, what kind of idiot do you think I am?", Wesley asked, irritated. Why on earth would he say no?
"Hold on...she proposed to you?", asked Fred, frowning. "I thought it was supposed to be the other way around..."
"Who cares about tradition?", asked Gunn. "When you first arrived here, you thought I was a guy."
"I've been trying to forget that", sighed Cordelia. "I had a hard time convincing her you were female. By the way, you're welcome."
"So, when are you getting married?", asked Angel before the girls could start arguing.
"Probably sometime after April. I haven't really thought much about it, but we started talking about it last night. Besides...we thought we should wait until after Angel and Lorne's wedding", explained Gunn.
"Wait...I'm not getting married to Lorne...", said Angel slowly.
"Oops...looks like he chickened out.", sighed Cordelia.
"He was going to ask you last night. I guess he 'chickened out' as Cordelia said".
"Lorne was going to..."
"Yes, I was. Thanks for ruining it", grumped Lorne from the other room.
"Well, you should have asked him!"
"Okay, how long did it take you to work up the nerve? And besides, you proposed to Wes over a toilet."
"What? You didn't tell us that part!"
Angel and Lorne do end up exchanging vows, don't worry...