(The scene opens in the room of what appears to be a teenager, of the gothic variety. Everything is dark and gloomy, or inspired by something that is. There even posters to a book and movie series titled 'Evening' on the wall, and on a stereo sat upon an end table next to sewing machine generic punk music is playing. The only light is coming from a computer screen, where a gothic teenage girl is typing something on it. The girl, being a 'goth', has pale skin but it's unclear if it's naturally full-white pale or if it's all just make-up. Her clothes can be described as fishnet stockings, a black miniskirt, a black sleeveless shirt that is short to expose her torso, a black bra exposed by said shirt, and black heeled boots. Her hair is all black too, with some streaks of both red and purple, and she wears plenty of heavy-looking black makeup around her eyes and lips. The girl is posting what appears to be a story onto an art sharing website, and write after she clicked the submit button does she begin speaking)
Gothic Girl - "There. The final episode of Season 4 of My Total Drama is finally uploaded! Now I can-"
(She is suddenly interrupted by a voice from outside the room)
Gothic Girl's Mother - "Maria Susan! Your friends here for that vacation to Europe you wanna go on with them!"
Maria Susan - "IT'S RAVEN DARKNESS PANDORA DYSENTERY EBONY VAMPIRA CANCER!"
Maria Susan's Mother - "Sorry sweetie! I'll try to remember next time!"
Maria Susan - "Ugh. Oh my satan, mom is such an annoying prep it is disgusting. If I were a vampire I would have killed her by now. I'll just check on one last thing before I-" *GASP*
(On her computer screen as she checks the art site, she has seen something truly horrifying to her, something which has shocked her to her very soul itself)
Maria Susan - "Oh Heaven NO! THAT BLEEP SIERRA THINKS SHE CAN KICK OUT OF THE FAN CLUB FOR BEING 'TOXIC'? I'LL SHOW HER! I'LL BLAST HER ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM, THAT'LL SHOW HER!"
[EXCLUSIVE CLIP ENDS]
(The actual first episode of the real series opens up on a dock to a simple island somewhere in the country that is Canada, with the view of a wide open lake beyond it, perhaps it's even one of the famous Great Lakes of North America. Also seen are some patches of wildnerness, as the island that the dock is on aswell as some smaller outlining islands are covered with dense, but beautiful to look at, forests. While the dock isn't particularly unable to be used, it's still pretty rundown and old, likely it doesn't have many years left before it just collapses into the water from the wood that it's made up of rotting for what's likely decades. Either way, the dock is still stable enough to sport one man, at least. One man with black and beady eyes, khaki pants, a white undershirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a blue untucked shirt with a collar and two chest pockets on either side of the chest. He's rather unmistakeable, really. His five o'clock shadow, his famously waved black hair that glistens in the wind, he's none other than the host the series himself as he stands up in front of the camera to introduce the series' very first ever episode: )
Chris McLean - "Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa! Somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario. I'm your one and ONLY host, Chris McLean! Dropping Season One of the hottest new reality show on television, right now!"
(scene cuts to him walking down the dock for a bit, it's a bit more zoomed out to show his full body)
Chris McLean - "Here's the deal. 22 campers have signed up to spend 8 weeks here at this crummy old summer camp" (he stops walking), "They'll compete in challenges against eachother, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers." (camera zooms in a bit so his face & upper body are shown) "Every three days, one team will either win a reward or" (zoom out again) "watch one of their team members walk down, the dock of shame" (he gestures to the dock he's standing on), "take a ride on the loser boat" (a picture of the afforementioned boat pasted on a plank of wood drops down via rope, it's unknown where it's coming from), "Hahaha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good!"
(scene shifts over to him standing by a campfire pit with a barrel to act as a podium, and at least 11 seats to sit on near the fire pit. It's not far behind a sign presumably saying the name of the camp, and has a large formation of rocks behind it aswell, though it's not the enormous cliff that's also on the island.)
Chris McLean - "Their fates are decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies, each week where all but one camper will recieve, a marshmallow" (picks up a stick with a marshmallow on it, he eats the marshmallow from it) "In the end" (throws the stick away like he just don't care), "only one camper will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame" (holds up some typical tabloid magazine) "and, a small fortune" (holds up a treasure chest of gold, silver, jewels and all sorts of stuff probably more expensive than the actual prize money) "which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to face......black flies"
(shows a swarm of black flies being swiped at by furry arms)
Chris McLean - "Grizzly Bears"
(the arms are of a Grizzly Bear, which is growling in annoyance at the flies which can't seem to mind their own business or the bear's personal space)
Chris McLean - "Disgusting Camp Food"
(a bowl of what looks like maggots is shown, a big one that actually has a face seems offended by that comment)
Big Maggot thing - "WHAT?! WHAT?! I'M DISGUSTING?! HOW DARE YOU!"
Chris McLean - "........" (didn't expect this scene to go that way)
Big Maggot - "YOU INSENSITIVE JERK! YOU JUST GOT ME TRIGGERED! YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THIS DAY AND AGE TO SOMEONE! IT HURTS THEIR FEELINGS, IT'S INSENSITIVE, AND IT'S WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!"
Chris McLean - "None of this is in the script."
Big Maggot - "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SCRIPT! I'M SO TRIGGERED RIGHT NOW! I'M ABOUT TO BLAST YOU ON FUMBLR FOR TRIGGERING ME! I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED AT BIRTH AS CAMP FOOD, BUT I DO NOT IDENTIFY AS CAMP FOOD, I IDENTIFY AS A BEAUTIFUL GORMET MEAL!"
Chris McLean - "Okay, okay, SHEESH! I meant they'll have to survive Black Flies, Grizzly Bears, and Wonderful Gormet Meals! Is that better?"
Big Maggot - "NO IT AIN'T! You're NOT taking into consideration the other grubs in this bowl who might NOT identify as the same type of meal as myself!"
Chris McLean - "Ugh" (groans in annoyance)
Big Maggot - (it begins listing every single grub in the bowel and what they apparently identify as. Chris just looks to the camera and makes some hand gestures, which results in one of the show's interns walking over and simply throwing the 'gormet meal' into a nearby trash can, before walking off back to being off-screen. Chris smiles and continues his opening as if the scene had never happened: )
Chris McLean - "As I was saying.........and, eachother."
(scene shifts to show a camera in a bird's nest, the eggs have hatched and the mother bird is feeding her babies a worm)
(also shown is a camera taped ontop of a totem pole)
Chris McLean - "We've got cameras situated all over the camp, so we WILL catch every single waking moment of the drama that will unfold!" (we go back to him standing on the dock) "Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now! On, TOTAL, DRAMA, ISLAND!"
[CUE THE INTRO SEQUENCE - USE YOUR OWN IMAGINATION]
Announcer - "Tonight, on an all new Dr. Bill."
Dr. Bill - "Today's going to be a changing day, in your life."
Grown Man - "Why's that?"
Dr. Bill - "I want you to start living as a gay woman."
Grown Man - O_o
Dr. Bill - "And I want you to start having a gay relationship."
(After that, Bill is counseling a young woman of about 16 years of age)
Dr. Bill - "We have a report, that the young man said, you touched his chest and his bum."
Young Girl - "WHO'S CHEST AND WHO'S BUTT?!"
Dr. Bill - "Right over there." (He points to what turns out to be an elderly man of at least 75 or older)
(Then, the good doctor is seen giving an interview with a young hawaiian boy with prominent lips, tan skin, blue eyes, a dark green shirt, jean pants, sandals, he's beautiful. He's gorgeous. He's, Justin)
Justin - "Why did you call me onto this show again?"
Dr. Bill - "I just wanted to call you and remind you, you don't matter."
Announcer - "Dr. Bill. All New, tonight at 8/7 central, only on TDN. The Drama Network."
[COMMERCIAL SEGMENT ENDS]
(After the commercial break, we come back to Chris McLean, standing on the Dock of Shame, as if he had already been preparing for the commmercial break)
Chris McLean - "Welcome back to Total Drama Island! Alright, it's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd be staying at this five star resort so, if they seem a little T.O'd, that's probably why."
(Just then, the boat, a mostly white small yacht with some golden railing on the bow and gold for some of it's other details, drives up onto the dock, delivers the first of 22 campers, and leaves. The first camper is Jen, the Fashionista. With dark blue heeled boots, a matching skirt, a light blue sshirt with some poof on the sleeves, that are down only to her elbows, a purple necklace around her neck, dark hair tied in a fashionable ponytail style, sunglasses ever-present on her head, and a decent tan to go along with her overall look she is one of the more fashionable contestants already, as if her label didn't say that already)
Jen - "Oh My Gosh!" (squeals), "That yacht ride was sooooo fetch! The driver could've definitely used a fashion overhaul though." (the driver then rudely throws Jen's luggage out of the boat at that point as if in response to that) "Hey! There are valueable designer clothes in these suitcases! Be careful with them!"
Chris McLean - (walks up to her) "Jen! The Fashionista! Welcome to Camp!"
Jen - "Oh yay! Chris McLean! So you are hosting this show after all?"
Chris McLean - "Sure am!"
Jen - "Didn't they say-"
Chris McLean - "Nope! I'm the ONLY host! Okay? Only me, nobody else! Except Chef Hatchet, technically, but don't worry, you'll see him soon. But aside from him and me, NOBODY."
Jen - "Oh, okay. Well, that's quite an attire you've got on for this job." (has a bit of sarcasm in her voice)
Chris McLean - "Really? Thanks!" (Has an ego so massive he can't detect sarcasm in what she said)
Jen - "Though might I suggest a few changes for you to apply?"
Chris McLean - "You just said it was quite the attire!"
Jen - "Yeah, for like, anything but hosting the hottest reality show ever!"
Chris McLean - "I picked this outfit out myself"
Jen - "Well you got some things alright I guess, like your hair is done magnificently, but some of these other choices you're making, ugh."
Chris McLean - (seems to be trying to be nice to the contestants on this day for a reason) "Well, they're my personal choices and in this free country of ours, I'm allowed to make them! Now just please stand over there" (gestures to the other end of the dock) "while we await the arrival of the other campers."
Jen - "Okay." (walks over to the other end of the dock, looks around the place as she does so) "This place looked so much prettier and fetch on the application form. They must've either used a REALLY old brochure, redecorated horribly, or are going for some bizzare theme day here."
Chris McLean - (He just shrugs her comments off as he turns to the next boat arriving to drop off the next camper)
(The next camper arrives with the sound of punk rock music playing on a stereo which he has one foot on. His name, is Duncan. The Deliquent. Duncan be described as a punk. He's also not bisexual, nor homosexual. Whether or not he's the most attractive guy on the island, well, that is purely up to opinion. He usually wears a pair of blue jean shorts, a cream-coloured undershirt to go with a black t-shirt with a skull on the chest, a black wristband on his right wrist, red/white sneakers, a noise piercing, three ear piercings, and even a brow piercing. For hair, he has short black hair, with a dyed green mohawk/faux-hawk. He also has a black soul patch on his chin. Duncan arrives first throwing his duffle bag down onto the floor of the dock before jumping off himself, he is clearly not happy to see the truth about where he'll be spending the rest of the summer.)
Chris McLean - "Duncan! Dude!"
Duncan - (holds his fist up as if to threaten Chris) "I don't like, surprises."
Chris McLean - "Yeah, your parole officer told me about that" (all smug) "He also told me to give him a holler any time and have you returned to juvie."
Duncan - (huffs) "Okay then" (has duffle bag in hand and begins walking to the other end of the cabin, where Jen is standing at. Jen and Duncan don't really seem to say much to eachother, though Duncan does make flirty eyes at Jen, to which she rolls her own eyes at, clearly not interested).
(The next boat that arrives after Duncan's leaves, is that of Sky. A girl gymnast of cree ancestry with short black hair, dark eyes, usually wearing purple/white sneakers, tight black exercise pants, and a cream top with a purple stripe on the waste. She has earrings, though they are red and styled like that of a feather, likely related to her ancestry. As she steps off of her boat with her luggage, she seems to be a bit surprised by the sight)
Sky - "We're staying here?"
Chris McLean - (he nods) "You sure are! My, and mine alone, crib is an airstream with A.C., that away" (he points to some place off-screen), "Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, Sky!"
Sky - (is a little offended at being lied to, but not overly angry) "So you basically lied to us to trick us onto some summer camp?"
Chris McLean - "Sure did!"
Duncan - "As if that wasn't obvious right from the start."
Sky - "Well, I probably would've thought of signing up anyway, but I will admit, I suppose it is the only way this show could've gotten Twenty-Two teenagers in this decade to actually sign up for this."
Chris McLean - "That's the spirit!"
Sky - "But.....the advertisements said there were gonna be two hosts."
Chris McLean - "Well that was a lie too!"
Sky - "But-"
Chris McLean - "IT WAS A LIE TOO!"
Sky - "Okay......" (she walks over to Duncan and Jen, carrying her own set of duffle bags, presumably filled with gym equipment)
Duncan - "What you got in there, dumbells?"
Sky - "Well, that and alot of other stuff. I'm training for the olympics."
Duncan - "Pft. Yeah right."
Sky - (raises an eyebrow)
(This interaction is shifted to off-screne for a little bit as the next camper arrives. Tom, The Blogger. Short light brown hair, with glasses over his beady eyes. He wears a pair of blue jean pants, with a light blue long-sleeve shirt, and one that was picked to be fashionable indeed. He picked out a fine pair of shoes for himself aswell. He speaks in a style of speaking that is typical of certain types of guys, though whether or not that is actually what he is is confidential. Either way, Jen gasps once she sees Tom, for seemingly positive reasons though.)
Chris McLean - "Tom!"
Tom - "Chris McLean! My your hair looks particularly stylish today."
Chris McLean - "Why thank you my good man."
Tom - "So....." (he looks around) "Where's the resort at?"
Sky - "There is none. They lied to us."
Tom - "What?! So....we're staying....here?"
Chris McLean - "No, like I told Sky over there, YOU'RE staying here. I'M staying somewhere else. That has actual A.C."
Tom - "Oh........" (he is clearly less than excited to be here) "Well, I guess my followers will like a blog about my experience at a summer camp. (He examines the dock as he walks over to Jen, Sky and Duncan), "Ugh, this dock looks like it hasn't been used since the 1970's. It SO needs a touch-up."
Jen - "I know, right?"
Tom - (He notices her sunglasses) "Oh my gosh, are those, Kay-Bam Sunglasses I'm seeing right now?"
Jen - "They sure are! And that is some fine shirt you got there, it like, almost matches mine! And it's from-"
Tom & Jen (in unison) - "Albatross & Finch!" (they both gasp)
Duncan - (rolls his eyes) "I don't think you're this guy's type, girl."
Jen - (offended) "Ignore him. I'm Jen."
Tom - "Well, you heard my name earlier, but I'm Tom."
Jen - "So you're a blogger?"
Tom - "Oh, toats. I can't wait to blog about my experience here."
(As they smile while getting to know eachother for the first time, Chris' attention shifts to the next camper to arrive on the island. It's another girl, and a girl named Crimson at that. The Goth. More of an actual goth though. While she has fishnet stockings/leggings, she wears above-knee black heeled boots over most of them, and her dark red top seems to be a dress which covers her torso. She has a belt around her waist that is black too. Her eyes are dark red, but maybe that's just seemingly. The rest of her can be described as wearing dark red gloves, sporting long white hair that is all black in the back, and a tattoo of a bat on her collar bone area, ride underneath a dark red 'choker'.)
Chris McLean - (seems a bit intimidated/nervous when looking at her as she silently walks onto the dock, not saying much of anything) "Crim....son........welcome!"
Crimson - (she doesn't say much of anything, just kind of, looks. silent)
Chris McLean - (awkward silence gets seemingly contagious)
Crimson - "At least it looks better than I thought it did."
Chris McLean - "Really?"
Crimson - (silence again, it creeps Chris out)
Chris McLean - "Oh......kay then......the rest of the gang is over there." (He gestures to Jen, Duncan, Sky and Tom)
Crimson - (says nothing and walks over to the four who'd previously arrived. She continues to say nothing, and they seemingly don't know what to say to her either, if anything at all)
Sky - (decides to be the first to speak to Crimson) "Hi, I'm Sky. I guess we'll be fellow competitors here."
Crimson - (is silent, making Sky feel awkward)
Sky - "Okay then....."
(As the awkwardness with Crimson's arrival silently continues, the next contestant is dropped off of the island. LeShawna. The Sister with 'Tude, to say the least. A dark skinned African-Canadian, with fabulous black hair, possibly weave, in a big ponytail to go with her amazing dark eyes, and a cream coloured shirt with a line of peaches on the chest, and boy does she have a front and back to shake, because she is a plus-sized woman indeed, and proud of it. For the rest she just wears blue jean shorts with some sandals.)
LeShawna - "Hey y'all" (is walking with luggage in tow) "LeShawna's in the house! Y'all just assume pack your stuff and quit now, cuz I came to win."
Duncan - (scoffs) (mumbles to himself) "I'm surprised the dock can stand this."
LeShawna - (heard that just barely, glares at Duncan) "Excuse me, what was that, chicken leg boy? I didn't hear you correctly!"
Duncan - (smirks) "I just said, I'm a bit surprised this dock can handle so much weight."
LeShawna - "Oh, oh oh oh oh OH you did NOT just go THERE!" (as if it needs to be said that comment set her off) "You wanna go bad boy? Then COME ON THEN!"
Duncan - "Heh, bring it, sister!" (The two are ready to fight eachother, Chris just watches with a smile on his face, Tom & Jen are worried, Crimson just has a deadpan expression on her face, Sky on the other hand runs up to push the two apart from eachother so they don't actually fight eachother)
Sky - "Guys, stop! It's only Day 1! He's not worth it, LeShawna!"
LeShawna - "Hmph. You got that right, sistah."
Duncan - "Hmph"
(They back down from eachother for the time being, though LeShawna still passes a glare in Duncan's direction, and there is still clearly tension. Chris just smiles and laughs a bit at the tension already building up before turning to adress the next contestant being dropped off onto the island)
(The next contestant to arrive is a boy by the name of Dave. He's more of a scrawny boy when compared to the buffer Duncan and even Tom is a bit bulkier than he is, but he's a pretty normal guy. He is of Indian descent, so he has naturally tan/crispy skin. His hair his short and black, matching his dark eyes. He wears a simple pair of dark prown pants, black/white sneaker shoes, a cream coloured collared undershirt, and a teal vest over that. That pretty much sums up little ol' Dave.)
Chris McLean - "Dave! Ya made it!"
Dave - (Seems a bit concerned by the dock) "We're staying....here?"
Chris McLean - "Okay, what is with you teens? No. YOU'RE staying here. I'm staying somewhere with actual A.C."
Dave - "Oh........has this dock been washed like.......ever?"
Chris McLean - "Probably not since the 70's, my man."
Dave - "That's a.....really long time."
Chris McLean - "And it's only gonna get dirtier from here!"
Dave - "......great...." (clearly faking being enthusiastic. He then walks over to the previous 6 campers to arrive. Most of them seem indifferent to him.) "H-h-hey....you guys must be the other campers..."
(Most of them don't respond. Duncan clearly doesn't want anything to do with Dave, Crimson is being her usual self, for example. LeShawna is till feeling mad at Duncan, but is overall friendly indifferent to Dave. Tom and Jen are much the same, though in their minds they might be critiquing Dave's fashion choices.)
Dave - "....heheh."
Sky - "Sorry about that. We just almost had a fight right before you showed up. I'm Sky."
Dave - "Oh, heheh. Well, he said by name already, but Dave. Nice to meet you, Sky."
Sky - "Same to you, Dave."
(They both smile as they meet eachother. It's difficult to tell if this is actually the smile of a budding friendship or just an average friendly greeting.)
(Right at this moment though, the next and most magical contestant of all arrives. Leonard. The second contestant to be of African descent after LeShawna, and he is quite different indeed. He is much scrawnier than she is, but he is decently taller than Dave. His hair is apparently shaven/short, but it's hard to tell, because not only does have an obviously fake beard on him at all times, of a grey variant, but he also wears a green wizard hat, and a matching green cloak aswell. Most of the other contestants are shocked at his wardrope, Duncan holds back laughter. Even Chris does, admittedly)
Chris McLean - "Leonard....dude.....you know this isn't...pfft, whatever you think this is, right?"
Leonard - "It's not? Then, what is it? Is it a dungeon? An Illusion? If so, I know just the spell for that!" (he pulls out his spell back and seriously begins searching for it, under the belief that the camp is an illusion)
Chris McLean - (debates in his mind whether or not to let him cast it, or to attempt in breaking it too him. After a few seconds he decides: ) "Don't worry my man, this is no illusion. You can just say we used a deception spell or whatever to get you and the other 21 teens to actually sign up for this."
Leonard - "Oh! That explains it! That spell's pretty hard to do too, I'm impressed!"
Chris McLean - "Yeah, I bet you are..."
Leonard - (Proceeds to walk towards the other campers) "Man, this cloak you put over the resort is amazing! It looks almost real! It's gonna be very tough for me to crack it!"
Chris McLean - (Just laughs)
(The other campers have mixed reactions to Leonard. Duncan is about to burst out laughing like Chris is, Dave just looks on as if Leonard's weirding him out, LeShawna is holding laughter better than Duncan is as she is trying to be friendly, Tom and Jen are obviously critiquing the heck out of Leonard's fashion already in their minds, and Sky is seemingly trying to question whether or not Leonard is even real. Crimson is still just deadpan and not really making any major facial expression)
Leonard - "Salutations, fellow competitors! I am Leonard, I'm a level 100 Wizard from the realm of Xeprela, I know that might sound intimidating to you, because my magic will surely be tough to beat for all of you, but I assure you, there is nothing to be afraid of me unless one of you happens to be a dragon, an ogre, or any other creature inbetween!"
Duncan - (Is really fighting to not laugh by this point) "Oh yeah, yeah, you're TOTALLY intimidating, dude. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" (no longer able to hold it in anymore)
Dave - "Wow that guy's kinda.....weird.."
LeShawna - "He DOES know we're not in some dungeon or whatever, right?"
Sky - "Guys, don't be so mean to him, he's just a bit....quirky..."
Leonard - (Is not minding what they're saying about him and is walking up to his place on the dock like he's an independent wizard who don't need no witch)
(With Leonard now on the dock, the next contestant arrives just the same. Noah, the snarky know-it-all. Like Dave, he too is of Indian descent, but his hair is of a more clearly dark brown rather than black. Noah wears three shirts: a white elbow-length sleeve undershirt, a collared blue shirt, and a red vest over that. Completing his look with green sneakers and matching shorts, and you have what Noah looks like. Like Dave he's not as buff as the other guys by a long shot, but he's not precisely trying to be like that.)
Chris McLean - "Our Next Camper is.....Noah!"
Noah - (walking towards the others on the dock, carrying his suitcase) "You got my memo about my life threatening allergies?"
Chris McLean - "I'm sure someone did!"
Noah - "Good" (sees the place) "Is this where we're staying?"
Duncan - "No" (cracks knuckles as he does a 'threatening' put-fist-into-hand motion) "It's your mother's house, and we're throwing a party."
Noah - (sarcastic) "Cute. Nice piercings original, do them yourself?" (suddenly Duncan grabs his lower lip while in the other hand holding a piercing)
Duncan - "Yeah, you want one?"
Noah - "Ugh, no thanks, can I have my lip back please?" (Duncan lets his lip go) "Thanks."
(Fresh off of Noah, the next contestant arrives onto the island. Mike. He is one of the taller guys to arrive thus far, but he is a surprisingly skinny boy too. He is of Italian descent and has a decent tan on his body. He wears long blue pants, a teal shirt with cream on the sleeve ends and neck, simple sneaker shoes, and has spike dark hairs to go with his own eyes. He seems to not really want to be here, but is simply accepting his fate with a sigh.)
Chris McLean - "Mike! Our 9th contestant! Welcome to the show!"
Mike - "Yeah..........but, I'm the 10th."
Chris McLean - "No, you're the 9th."
Mike - "Uh....I coun't nine over there, so that means I'm the tenth."
Chris McLean - "Hahaha, wow. You're parents were right about you, you are bad at everything. There's CLEAR evidence you are the ninth to arrive, and not the tenth."
Mike - (offended by that first part of the comment)
Noah - (sarcastic remark) "Wow. I didn't know they let idiots host Reality Shows."
Dave - (sarcastic too) "You didn't?"
Chris McLean - (offended by the sarcasm) "Okay, fine! You're the tenth to arrive! There's 23 instead of 22 campers! Whatever you say! Just get over there to the others!"
Mike - "Okay" (shrugs and walks over to the others)
Duncan - (squints his eyes as he looks at Mike, as if, something's off about him to the deliquent) "Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"
Mike - "Uh, no? I don't think so. I'm Mike...." (looks around a bit nervously for a bit)
Duncan - "Huh, must be a coincidence I guess....." (is clearly still suspicious, but decides to not make a big deal out of it)
(The next contestant arrives just shortly after Mike's arrival. The 11th camper, is none other than Courtney. The Type A. She's of hispanic descent, and has brunette hair with dark eyes, wearing tight green capri pants, with a wenge coloured vest over a white collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up above her eblows. For shoes, she wears a set of flats. She has C.I.T. experience and she's not afraid to use it. Her arrival actually has her wave happily at the dock as Chris actually lends his hand for unknown reasons to help her off of the boat.)
Courtney - "Thank you"
Chris McLean - "You're welcome, Courtney."
Courtney - (silently walks over to the others, doesn't seem to pay much mind to the fact it's all a camp and not a resort, something Chris seems to be happy about) "Hi! You must be the other contestants, it's really nice to meet you all!"
Dave - "Hey. I'm Dave."
Courtney - "It's nice to meet you, Dave" (they shake hands)
Sky - "And I'm Sky."
Courtney - "And you too, Sky. Say, you look familiar."
Sky - "Oh, you must recognize my sister. She competed in the olympics. I hope to some day follow her in her footsteps."
Dave - "Woah, really?"
Mike - "That's pretty cool!"
Dave - "Yeah"
Courtney - (seems intimidated of that factoid from Sky for a bit, but then goes back to her friendly demeanor) "The olympics, huh? That is pretty impressive, but I have actual C.I.T. experience, which I think will come in handy given the, actual setting here."
LeShawna - "C.I. wha?"
Courtney - "Counselor in Training."
Sky - "Oh, okay. I can see why that could come in handy, but I'm confident in my athletic skills."
Courtney - "Mhm" (seems to be sizing Sky up or something) "Well, I look forward to competing with you."
Sky - "Same back to you."
Chris McLean - "Okay, so that's........." (tries counting all of the currently arrived contestants)
Noah - (sarcastically) "Twelve?"
Chris McLean - (scowls at Noah) "Eleven, thank you very much! Eleven Campers!"
Noah - (also sarcastically) "Hurray for you, you learned to count correctly."
Chris McLean - "Don't push it on Day One, Noah. We still have to wait for eleven more campers!"
Courtney - "Hey, wait a minute, didn't they say there'd be two people hosting this show?"
Dave - "Maybe that was just another instance of his bad math skills."
Chris McLean - "No, it wasn't! There really is only one main host of this show. Me. That's it. Nobody else."
Courtney - "You sure? Because when I looked at the advertisement, it said that-"
Chris McLean - "We change ALOT of stuff before actually airing this show. The other host.......well, let's just say they're somewhere else."
Courtney - "Okay....."
Chris McLean - "Anywho, I see the next boat already showing up!"
(The next camper to arrive, the twelfth to be precise, is none other than Army Cadet, Brick. Dressed in black boots, blue shorts with a belt, a tucked in army green shirt, with a black crew cuit hairstyle, unibrow - Duncan has one too -, and even wearing dog tags like a necklace, Brick gives a salute as he steps onto the dock and adresses Chris aswell as his fellow campers. He wastes no time in giving even Chris, more of a reason to have an inflated ego, albeit unintentionally)
Brick - "Brick McArthur, reporting for Duty!"
Chris McLean - "Wonderful, Brick, the rest of your platoon awaits you!" (mumbles to himself) "I hope he lasts long enough for the boot camp challenge, hahaha."
Brick - "Yes Sir!" (marches over to the previous elevan campers, most of them are indifferent to him, the rest are giving him friendly smiles)
Dave - "Wow. We have an Olympian, a C.I.T., and now a real Army Cadet."
Sky - "I'm just training for the Olympics, Dave."
Dave - "Heheh, still though." (smiles, Sky smiles back)
(Right after Brick's arrival, the next contestant arrives to the island. Dawn. The Moonchild. Dawn is the shortest of all of the games competing in this season, and can be described as one of the paler girls, just a little bit less so than Crimson appears to be. She has long blonde hair to go with her dark blue eyes, and wears a long-sleeved green sweater over a collared blue shirt, a black skirt, and purple leggings to go with some black shoes she has on her feet. She also reads auras.)
Chris McLean - "And our....whateverth Camper, Dawn!"
Dawn - "Hello, Chris. My, your aura perfectly suits you right now."
Chris McLean - "Oh, I know! Everything about me suits me."
Dawn - "I see."
Dave - "Auras?"
Dawn - (appears right beside Dave as if she teleported there off-screen) "It's the distinctive atmosphere or quality that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place." (Dave is startled by this) "I am one of those gifted with the ability to read them."
Mike - (looks around nervously and backs away from Dawn, not wanting to have his aura read apparently)
Leonard - (gasps) "Oh my, that is amazing! What level are you?"
Dawn - ".....level?"
Leonard - "Are you new to the guild?"
Dawn - "I'm not a-"
Leonard - "Ooooh! You must join my party like, for real!"
Dawn - "......" (does not know how to respond to that)
(Infact, neither does the rest of them either)
Leonard - (Just has these eyes of 'I found my soulmate' towards Dawn, Dawn looks creeped out from just reading his aura and decides not to say anything but back away from him)
Chris McLean - "Oh look, our next camperS!"
(Indeed, Chris' use of plural was correct. For one time and one time only, two campers are arriving together rather than separately, primarily because they are twin sisters. Amy, and Samantha. Though Samantha is usally called "Sammy", "Sam", or "Samey" depending on who you're talking too. Being identical twins, both sisters have the same body type, and even are wearing the same red/white cheerleader uniform with white heeled boots up to their knees. They have teal eyes, and short shoulder-length blonde hair. The only difference is that Amy has a 'beauty mark' on her right check while Sammy does not.)
Duncan - (upon seeing them step onto the dock) "Cheerleaders. Sweet." (Alot of the girls are just annoyed/roll their eyes at that remark)
Chris McLean - "And here we have Amy AND Samey!"
Sammy - "Um, it's Sammy....short for Samantha..."
Amy - (just glares angrily at her)
Chris McLean - "Really? Because Amy said it's Samey."
Sammy - "Yes, but mom and da-"
Amy - "Oh my GAG do you have to complain about EVERYTHING? You're name is Samey, deal with it!"
Chris McLean - "Yeah, what she said. You are the second born. The lesser twin. The lesser Amy, if you will."
Sammy - "But-"
Chris McLean - "On this show, you're officially Samey, end of discussion!"
Amy - "You heard the man, Samey. It's bad enough they made me ride here with you. The least you can do is carry my luggage." (walks over to the others herself while leaving Sammy behind to carry both her own and Amy's luggage. The other contestants are either looking on dissapprovingly at Amy's meanness, or in Duncan's case too busy admiring the fact the two are cheerleaders. The only one who doesn't disapprove of Amy's blunt bullying of Sammy, is Chris.)
Sammy - (Just sighs unhappily and mumbles to herself) "I auditioned for this show to get away from Amy..."
Amy - "Hurry your lazy butt up already! You're wasting like, so much time!" (She notices LeShawna, Dawn and Sky looking at her with dissaproving looks) "What?"
LeShawna - "Here, let me help you with that" (she goes over and helps Sammy with the luggage, since Amy naturally brought alot of stuff with her)
Sammy - (smiles gratefuly) "Thank you."
LeShawna - "It's no problem, girl."
Amy - "Ugh." (Does not approve of someone actually being nice to her sister instead of her)
Chris McLean - (His attention turns to the next boat arriving with the next camper)
(The next contestant to arrive onto the scene is none other than tech geek, Cody. Cody is not as typically nerdy looking as other geeks though. He is a caucasian with teal eyes, short brown hair, and he is shorter than Dave & Noah but taller than Dawn. He wears baggy jean pants, dark green sneakers, and a grey formal shirt underneath a cream vest which itself has a red stripe above a green stripe. He can also be described as a major wannabe ladies' man.)
Chris McLean - "Cody! The Codester! The Codemeister!" (He and Cody do some random head gestures before high-fiving, before Cody then struts over to the end of the dock where all of the others are gathered at)
Cody - "Dude! Totally psyched to be here, man." (he walks by Amy, Sammy, LeShawna & Dawn) "I see the ladies have already arrived, heh, alright!" (he clearly is trying to flirt with them, some of them silently laugh at his attempt, others, like Amy, just roll their eyes in a lack of being impressed)
(LeShawna is just standing there when Cody is about to say something. Not being mad, LeShawna just puts a finger to his mouth and says in a friendly tone: )
LeShawna - "Save it, short stuff"
Cody - (quietly does so)
(The next contestant arrives immediately after that little scene with Cody, and ironically has a somewhat similar name. Brody, to be precise. The surfer dude. Like Courtney, he too came from hispanic descent, but was a guy, obviously. He wore a sleeveless pink top, a pair of purple shorts, with red/white sneakers, and his hair is short and brown too with skin that has a decent tan. Along with him, he also has his trusty ol' surfboard, since as we just said he is a surfer.)
Chris McLean - "And our Surfer dude, Brody, is here!"
Brody - (jumps off of the boat with surfboard in-hand) "Righteous!" (He looks around) "Aw man, there's like, no waves here!"
Chris McLean - "Well, we're in like, lake Ontario or whatever, so I wouldn't really be expecting major waves."
Brody - "Bummer. I was really lookin' forward to catching some all summer!"
Chris McLean - "Heh, well, it's not a total bummer! You get meet me, Chris McLean, in person!"
Brody - "Sweet! It's honour to meet Chris McLean in person!.....where is he?"
Chris McLean - (not amused. Some snickering can be heard from the others) "He's right here."
Brody - "He is?"
Chris McLean - "As in, right here. It's me! I'm Chris McLean!"
Brody - "Woah, really?"
Chris McLean - "Yes, really!"
Brody - "Woah. Like, totally blows my mind! It's honour to meet you, man!"
Chris McLean - "Yes man, I know it is."
(Amy just rolls her eyes at all of this. Brody by this point goes to walking to where her and the others are standing at)
(The next contestant arrives shortly, and she's Emma. The Scholar girl. Desires to be a lawyer, and is an asian girl with long black hair, dark eyes, a pair of flats, some black capri pants, and a light orange/red shirt underneath an unzipped small red coat. She's definitely one of the smarter contestants on the island, right up there alongside Noah. She doesn't seem too surprised when she sees the truth about where they're all to compete at)
Chris McLean - "Our next girl, Emma, is here!"
Emma - (sarcastic) "Wow. Why am I not surprised Reality TV lied about something."
Chris McLean - "Haha. Yeah, we do that all the time."
Emma - (sarcastic with smirk) "So that means you tell the truth all the time then?"
Chris McLean - "No, it means, it means, ugh! Just, go over there!"
Emma - "Okay then" (and she walks to where all of the other previous arrivals are standing at.)
Noah - (Is looking at Emma with an actual smile with one eyebrow raised, but does say anything to her...yet)
Cody - (seems to notice Noah's look) "You into her, man?"
Noah - (snapped out of it, faces Cody) "Wow, way to just assume things about people you hardly know. Do you always do that?"
Cody - "Come on, I know that look. I perfected, that look."
Noah - (rolls his eyes) "I hardly know her."
Cody - "Yet." (smirk)
Noah - (just has that look on his face)
Cody - "Don't worry dude, I honour the code. I'll keep my hands off her for ya."
Noah - (rolls his eyes again) "Thanks."
(The next arrival was none other than the second to last dude to arrive onto the island, B. That's not his true first name, but it's a short form of it. He's definitely the biggest boy at camp, especially in terms of girth. He's of African descent like LeShawna, but of a lighter shade of black. His hair is short, he has a few ear piercings, he's got a soul patch, green eyes, a red cap faced backwatds, a black jacket over a red hoodie, a white undershirt, blue jean pants and simple sneaker shoes.)
Chris McLean - "B!"
B - (does a hand gesture as he walks up to Chris)
Chris McLean - "So....what do ya think of the place?"
B - (looks around, he shrugs, not really caring that it's really an aging summer camp)
Chris McLean - "Seriously?"
B - (nods)
Chris McLean - "Dude, come on, not a single comment?"
B - (shakes his head)
Chris McLean - "Come on."
B - (shrugs)
Dawn - (just appears right near the two of them) "Sorry to interrupt, but it's just not in B's aura for him to speak. Mother Nature just doesn't intend for him too."
(Both B and Chris are startled by Dawn's sudden appearance, and have no comment on what she said)
B - (Just nods and points to Dawn, as if 'what she said' would be what he would say if he actually spoke)
Chris McLean - "Fine. I'll accept that. For now."
(Dawn and B rejoin/join the other campers at that point)
Leonard - "That's so amazing! Come on, can you read my aura?"
Dawn - (Sighs) "Your Aura is a little bit Orange with a bit of red and yellow-green, and a hint of dark pink."
Leonard - "Hm.....what does that mean."
Dawn - (Is about to speak, but then)
Noah - (sarcastic) "I don't think you want her to say that, honey."
Leonard - (Just glares at Noah, when he looks back, Dawn has taken the oppurtunity to mysteriously dissappear from Leonard's sight, possibly behind B)
(Similar to B being the penultimate guy, the next camper was the penultimate girl to arrive onto the island. It was none other than good ol' Sugar, the Pageant Queen. Sugar is something else indeed. Blonde hair done up in a pageant-worthy fashion, blue jean pants that are a bit tight for her so they kind of stop at one point before her feet, she's definitely a plus-sized gal but ain't ashamed of it one bit. She has a small pink top too, and pink flats. She clearly is here to work it during her stay.)
Chris McLean - "Sugar! The Last Girl to Arrive!"
Sugar - "Well that makes sense. Save the best last, it's always the best option."
Sky - "Wait, so there are more guys than girls in this show?"
Sugar - "What is that little anorexic girl talkin' about?"
Sky - "Firstly, I'm not anorexic, secondly, if there's twenty-two of us, like it said, then to keep things equal there would have to be eleven guys AND eleven girls."
Sugar - "Oh mah lord, does anyone REALY care about that math watchamacallits?"
Cody - (raises his hand with with a nervous smile)
Sky - (still turned to Chris) "I don't wanna come off as one of those social justice warriors or whatever, I'm just-"
Chris McLean - "Well guess what, you are. I think I know what I'm doing, please go back to where you were and let's save the discussions for when everyone's arrived already, okay?"
Sky - (sighs)
Sugar - "Yeah. Try to ruin my entrance. The nerve of some people!"
Chris McLean - "I know how you feel."
(Sugar walks over to the other campers at that point, Chris checks a clipboard as the next boat then arrives with the penultimate camper overall)
(The next contestant to arrive, is the 11th male to do so. Ezekiel, to be precise. The home-schooled prairie boy of the 22 campers, Ezekiel was a pretty pale-skinned boy on account of his isolated life up to this point. He had a bit of stubble on his chain, thick brunette hair, and dark eyes. He usually wore a white shirt underneath a green hoodie jacket, a blue beanie cap, blue jean pants, and boots which matched his jacket.)
Chris McLean - "Ezekiel! Dude, what's up?"
Ezekiel - (Literally looks up and points) "I think I see a bird."
(Some of the other guys snicker at that)
Chris McLean - (For once, he actually takes pity on one of the contestants and with a hand on Zeke's shoulder he goes in to say) "Look dude, I know you don't get out much. Been home-schooled all your life, raised by freaky prairie people, just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early, okay?" (gently ushers Ezekiel towards the others)
Ezekiel - "Yes Sir!"
Dave - (comments mostly to self) "That's....wow."
(The 22nd and final contestant too arive, is none other than Queen Bee Heather. Long black hair, she is of asian descent like Emma, but is actually one of the taller girls to arrive on the island, if not the out of the girls competing. Her clothes are made for the summer, with short shorts, flats, and a small red top that doesn't have sleeves, instead just a collar that is connected by the chest via ring. I don't know what top that is, sorry. Her entrance is that, with sunglasses on, she steps one foot onto the dock, then the other, and the reflections of some of the others are in her sunglasses as she takes them off and looks back at her boat leaving. She's clearly not happy at all about the twist.)
Chris McLean - "Hea...ther...."
(Heather just storms past him)
Duncan - "Heh, see you by the campfire, gorgeous."
Heather - "Drop dead, you skeez."
Sugar - "Wait a minute, I thought you said I was the last girl to show up for this here pageant?!"
Chris McLean - (he looks at his clipboard) "Well....I."
Heather - "Guess he was wrong" (doesn't actually care, she's not happy to be here)
Sugar - "Unless you're one of them trans people or whatever." (Heather gasps, everyone else gasps too)
Brody - "Oh snap."
Heather - "Do I LOOK like a tranny to you?!"
Sugar - "How am I supposed to know what those look like?"
Heather - "I don't know, read a book? But I guess that's asking too much from someone like you."
Sugar - "And what is THAT supposed to mean, you skinny lil twig?!"
Heather - "I don't think I need to say anything, redneck."
Sugar - "Well at least I actually eat! I'm surprised the wind don't carry that skinny little butt o' yours off!"
Heather - "At least I know how when to STOP eating."
Sugar - "At least I'm a real girl!"
Heather - "I AM NOT A TRANNY!"
Sugar - "Then prove it! Why don't you show us what you've down there!"
(Alot of the girls are just like, raising eyebrows at Sugar's demands. Cody and Duncan seem to not disagree with Sugar's demand though. Only Tom seems to have the same reaction as the girls)
Heather - "I am not taking off my shorts infront of a bunch of perverted guys just to satisfy some delusional redneck on television. I am calling my parents, you can NOT make me stay here."
Chris McLean - (Just holds up the contracts that Heather signed, to silently say he actually can)
Heather - (is clearly mad)
Cody - (Goes up to Heather) "Hey, I think you're a real girl."
Heather - "Congrats, you have a functioning brain. Now why don't you use that brain to stop talking to me."
Cody - "Okay, okay, sorry.........you're hot."
Heather - (scowls at him, saying all she needs to say. He decides it's best to just back off now)
Dave - "Heheh, she's way out of your league."
Cody - "I know, but it was worth a shot."
Dave - (shrugs) "I guess I can't fault you for that."
Chris McLean - "Okay! So now that everyone's here, we can finally-" (the sound of a 23rd boat arriving cuts him off, he turns and sees it) "What the?"
(The boat drops off not a teenager, but a fully adult woman. [Dyed] Blonde hair, red earrings, blue eyes, a red dress with a small slit on the bottom's middle section, matching red high heels, golden wristbands, clearly wearing makeup, it's none other than Blaineley, the Diva. She's clearly not very happy with Chris as she's dropped off on the dock, and doesn't appear to have brought luggage with her like the other campers did.)
Sky - "Who is she?"
Sugar - "ANOTHER one?!"
Blaineley - "Who am I? WHO AM I?! I'm the co-host of this show! Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Holleran."
Chris McLean - (Seems to have a defeated look to his face)
Sky - "I knew it!"
Chris McLean - "You sure you're not a twenty-third camper or something? Because, ya know, the boat and everything."
Blaineley - (glaring at Chris) "You left me at the port and I had to actually wait, in the Summer Heat, for my boat to arrive! Do you have ANY idea how degrading it was to wait that long?! And you had all of the arrivals without me?!"
Chris McLean - "You would've done the same thing."
Blaineley - (glares, but admittedly, he is right) "Fine. I'll let this go for now. So what's next?"
Chris McLean - "Not much, really."
Blaineley - (Is clearly furious with Chris already, but hiding how angry she really is) "Not much is still something."
Chris McLean - "Well, I was going to take a cast picture and then we go to the campfire pit to get the team ready." (He pulls out a camera)
Blaineley - "Well, since you decided to handle all of the arrivals, I'm handling the cast picture!" (tries to take the camera from him, but fails)
Chris McLean - "No, I wanna do it!" (they start having a tug-of-war over the camera)
Blaineley - "As if you deserve to!"
Chris McLean - "You just got here!"
Blaineley - "That's because of you!"
Chris McLean - "Well, either way I'm more famous than you are!"
Blaineley - (gasps) "No you're not!"
Chris McLean - "Yes I am!"
Blaineley - "No. You're. Not!"
Amy - "HELLO! Are you two forgetting about something?"
(there is a silence)
Amy - "The show?!"
Chris McLean - "Riiiiiiiiight."
Blaineley - "We'd never forget about the show!"
Heather - "Then why aren't you hosting it right now?"
Chris & Blaineley - (Look to eachother, glaring, but then Blaineley kicks Chris in the shins before taking the camera and jumping onto the boat she arrived on)
Blaineley - "Alright! Time for the cast picture for the promos!"
Chris McLean - "Hey!" (jumps onto the boat too, he takes the camera from her) "Nice try!"
(While they argue over this, the campers are getting into position for the picture on the other end of the dock. B is in the center, with Leonard standing to his left, and Noah to his right. On the front row, Amy & Sammy are sitting next to eachother, as are Courtney, Dawn and Jen. On the other end of the front row, so are Ezekiel and Sky. Behind B are Duncan & Brick. Sugar is standing right by Leonard, and to the left her are Tom, LeShawna & Emma. To the right of Noah are Brody, Crimson, Dave, Heather and Cody. All of them except Crimson are smiling, and some are trying to do some kind of pose for the promo picture.)
Chris McLean - "Okay, one...two...." (*click*) "Oops."
Blaineley - (takes it from Chris) "You forgot the lens cap" (she takes the lens cap off) "Let a professional show you how it's done." (she then directs herself to the campers) "Okay, hold those poses! One....two......wait....aw, the card's full. Hold those poses for a little bit more!"
LeShawna - (annoyed) "Come on, girl, my face is startin' to freeze!"
(Chris and Blaineley have one last minute tug-of-war over the camera until Blaineley kicks Chris to the ground)
Blaineley - "Okay! Now, everyone say Wawanakwa!"
All 22 Campers - "WawanakwAAAAAAH!" (while they said that, the dock finally gave way and broke, sending all 22 of them into the water just as Blaineley took the picture)
Blaineley - "FABULUOUS! Now, everyone dry off and meet me, and Chris, at the camfpire pit in ten!"
(The commmercial opens on a distance shot of a hotel)
Announcer - "Do you want a true five star hotel experience? Do you not care much for surfing or clams?" (now pictures of Surfer's Paradise Ridgemount resort and Captain Ron's hotels are shown big red X's over them. "Then we have the place for you!"
(A different hotel, possibly the 3rd place chain, is shown)
Announcer - "Come to the Milton Hotels! Situated all over Canada aswell as in select countries all over the world!"
Day Manager of a Milton Hotel - "Here at the Milton Hotels, we won't give you cheezy sell out themes OR whatever it is that Captain Ron does, instead we will give you the benefits of not denying a guest, even the most RIDICULOUS request!"
Random Child - (walks up to him) "I want a party with rooms full of laughter, a ton of ice cream, a bean feast, and for you to dress up like a chicken and call yourself a turkey!"
Day Manager - (Has a smile already wishing that wasn't the slogan)
(Cuts to him actually doing all of those things)
Day Manager - "Like I said, not even the most RIDICULOUS request! I'M A TURKEY!"
(Back to the first shot of the Milton hotels)
Announcer - "Milton Hotels! Come Now!"
[COMMERCIAL SEGMENT ENDS]
(After that commercial break, things go straight to the campfire pit. All of the twenty-two campers have now dried off after the dock broke and sent them into the water, and Chris & Blaineley are both standing infront of all of them as they begin to explain how things are going to work. Due to how little seats there were, some of the campers were standing rather than sitting, but all of them were basically gathered in one spot.)
Blaineley - "This, is Camp Wawnakwa, your home, for the next eight weeks!"
(Camp Wawanakwa. It's basically just 2 cabins, a small 'arts and crafts' building, a main mess hall building, communal washrooms, and an outhouse. All of the buildings are aging badly, rundown, and in need of serious touching up that the two/three hosts and the Producers are unwilling to actually bother with.)
Blaineley - "The campers sitting around you will be your roommates, your competition, and maybe even your friends, or more."
(As she said that, Sugar glared at Heather and at Dawn, Leonard had a look at Dawn who was creeped out by him, Cody checked out some of the girls near him, and Duncan silently threatened Tom with a fist until Jen stepped infront of Tom as if to protect him. Chris also spent the whole time glaring like a spoiled brat over Blaineley's screentime.)
Blaineley - "Whichever one of you twenty-two campers who manages to stay until the end will win One Hundred Thousand Dollars! I'm surprised Chris actually got that part right."
Chris McLean - (already at his wit's end) "Don't push it, woman."
Duncan - (Walks up a little) "Excuse me, what will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her." (points to Heather, who is not agreeing with that concept)
Heather - "They're not co-ed, are they?"
Chris McLean - "Ye-" (Blaineley steps on his foot) "Augh!"
Blaineley - "No. Girls get one side of each cabin, and boys get the other."
Sugar - "Excuse, Blinelay? Since I'm the prettiest gal around this place, can I have a cabin with a lake view?"
Blaineley - "Okay, firstly that's just your opinion, secondly that's not how it works here, and third, it's Blaine-lee!"
Sugar - (pouts) "Hmph."
Sammy - "Can I...get a cabin that...doesn't have Amy in it?"
Amy - (groans) "Oh my gosh, is that what's gonna be like all summer? Gawd! Can't you just eliminate her already? It's already obvious which one of us is gonna win!"
Sammy - "R-right...." (submits to Amy's insults and looks down sadly)
LeShawna - (glaring) "Yeah, me and that girl are gonna have some problems." (of course she means Amy)
Brody - "Aw c'mon guys!" (to LeShawna & Mike) "It'll be fun! It's like one big righteous sleepover!"
Mike - (To LeShawna) "At least you don't have to sleep next to him" (they look over to Duncan)
Duncan - (He's giving a noogie to a deer. seriously. They then look back to eachother)
Chris McLean - "Okay, so, here's the deal-"
Blaineley - (interrupts him abruptly) "We're going to separate you guys and girls into two teams of eleven!"
Chris McLean - "I was gonna do that part!"
Blaineley - "You hosted the arrivals. I'm hosting the team pickings, okay?"
Chris McLean - "No, it's not okay!"
Heather - "Ahem! Can we just get this over with already?!"
Blaineley & Chris - "Fine!"
Chris McLean - "I'll give out one team, you give out the other, deal?"
Blaineley - "Deal."
Chris McLean - "Okay, so, when you're name is called, come stand over there. And-"
Blaineley - "Crimson" (she remains deadpan), "Mike" (he smiles lightly), "Heather" (neutral response, with slight eyebrow raise), "Ezekiel" (neutral smile), "Sugar" (Ezekiel looks over to her, she just looks up while she's doing her nails), "Emma" (neutral response), "Dawn" (slightly concerned expression, possibly still hoping a certain someone's not on her team), "Brody" (smile, like always), "LeShawna" (she stands up proudly), "Duncan" (he looks up from giving the deer a noogie still), "and, Noah!" (he's just having a slight frown while raising one eyebrow, a typical cynical response), "From this moment on, you all are officially known as!" (she throws them a rolled up green cloth, Brody catches it" "The Screaming Gophers!" (it unrolls in Brody's hands, revealing on it is a logo with a screaming gopher on it)
Brody - "Yeah! I'm a Gopher! Woo!"
Mike - (looks a bit terrified) "G-G-Gopher? Okay.....it's just, a team logo."
Sugar - "Ugh! This is so unfair! Our team is so much weaker than whichever other team y'all make! Why don't we have the Wizard?!" (her fellow team members all look at her with raised eyebrows and confusion)
Blaineley - (just shrugs)
Chris McLean - "ANYWAY, the rest of you, over here." (he then begins calling out the other team) "Cody" (looks on with a cheeky smirk), "Sky" (neutral look), "Dave" (tries to flirt with Sky with some gestures, but she fails to notice. Cody pats him on the shoulder), "Brick" (he gives a salute), "Samey" (she sighs sadly), "Amy" (glares at Amy before attempting a friendly smile), "Courtney" (neutral expression), "Leonard!" (he walks up to Courtney with a smile on his face, she just blankly looks at him), "Tom" (looks up with a neutral look), "Jen" (her and Tom then smile at eachother), "aaand, B!" (blank/neutral response, silent) "You guys are from here on," (he throws a red cloth to B, he catches it and unrolls it) "The Killer Bass!" (Their logo/mascot is an angry looking Bass fish)
Cody - "Sweet!"
Leonard - "I am proud to be in the clan of the Killer Bass! Together we shall thwart whatever hexes the Gophers put upon us, and slay any beast that comes into our path! My expertise in magic will be our greatest strength!"
(Dave and Courtney roll their eyes, both being annoyed with Leonard already)
Chris McLean - "Alright campers, you and your team will be on camera 24/7 in ALL areas of this competition."
Blaineley - "Except in the washroom."
Duncan - (snaps fingers in dissappointment, he was looking forward to catching footage of some of the girls)
CONFESSIONAL -------> Chris McLean - "You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape anytime you want via the outhouse confessional which Blaineley doesn't want to step foot in. Let the audience at home know what you're thinking! Or, just get something off your chest!"
CONFESSIONAL -------> Crimson - "I like how this camp feels like a place where dreams go to die. It gives so much more personality to it."
CONFESSIONAL -------> Sugar - "Heather and Dawn better watch their steps! I see Dawn eyeing MAH Wizard! And Heather, well, that Tranny can just kiss my big pageant winnin' butt!"
CONFESSIONAL -------> Heather - (she shows her birth certificate) "Just to prove to you people, I am NOT a tranny!"
CONFESSIONAL -------> (A loon is putting on lipstick, until it notices the camera and is looking on in shock, caught off guard)
(We go back to the campfire pit, where Chris and Blaineley have one more last minute announcement for the campers)
Chris McLean - "Alright! Any Questions?" (None) "Cool! Let's find your cabins!"
(We go over to the cabins, with Chris and Blaineley introducing the two buildings to the campers for the first time ever.)
Chris McLean - "Gophers, you're in the East Cabin, Bass you're in the West."
[GOPHER CABIN - GIRLS SIDE]
(Heather is the first girl to step in, carrying her suitcases. Once inside, she notices a few sets of bunk beds, enough for at least all of the Gopher girls, and needless to say she is less than pleased with the arrangements)
Heather - "Bunk beds?" (snobbishly) "Isn't this a little.....summer camp?"
Sugar - (walks in from behind her and purposely bumps into her) "That's the ide-er, tranny!"
(Dawn walks into the cabin too)
Heather - "Shut it, weird redneck girl!"
Dawn - "Please, can we not fight on the first day? I know both of your auras are-"
Heather & Sugar - "ZIP IT, HIPPIE!"
Dawn - (just lets out a sad sigh)
[BASS CABIN - GIRLS SIDE]
(As Courtney turns around to get her things all set, Cody suddenly appears behind her)
Cody - "You're really smart, I feel that. And ooh, you organize all your clothing! Nice!" (He had a view of her suitcase, where all her clothes were)
Courtney - (gasps and turns around) "You're supposed to be on the Boys' side!"
Cody - (gives her a sheepish smile)
(Some struggling noises are heard before Cody is suddenly flying out of the girls side, getting a mouthful of grass as a result. Fellow bass members B, Dave, Brick and Leonard watched.)
Dave - "Oooh, that's gotta hurt."
Brick - "Well, that's what he got for not obeying direct orders to say on the right side of the cabin!"
Dave - "Yeah, okay, I guess so..."
Leonard - "I could go into the girls side anytime I want! You know why?"
Dave - "Why?"
Leonard - "I know an invisibility spell! Abra Ka Invisicus Amazicus!" (He puts one arm over his mouth) "Now you can't see, but I can see you!"
Dave - (Just looks on disturbed, he backs himself into the cabin, with Brick and B following after him)
Amy - (Steps out of her side of the Cabin) "Hey, Hosts? Is there any place to plug in my hair dryer? I like, TOTALLY need to use it pronto!"
Chris McLean - "There should be an outlet in the communal washrooms."
Amy - "Communal whatnow?"
Sky - "It means we shower in the same place."
Dave - (seems queezy about the idea of communal washrooms too, but any of his complaints are drowned out by Amy's)
Amy - "I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! EW! I AM NOT DOING THAT! I ALREADY HAVE TO SHOWER IN THE SAME BATHROOM THAT SAMEY DOES! EW!"
Blaineley - "Suit yourself. You'll just have to gone on with the eight weeks of no bathing smell."
Amy - "Ugh!" (she growls angrily)
[GOPHERS' CABIN - GUYS SIDE]
Brody - (Standing on the porch as the girls on his team walk into the cabin) "Excuse me, Chris? Is there any kind of chaparone in this facility?"
Chris McLean - "You're all sixteen years old, as old as a regular Counselor in Training at a regular Summer Camp, so other than myself you'll be unsupervised!"
Blaineley - "Ahem."
Chris McLean - (groans) "Other than myself and BLAINELEY."
Blaineley - "Thank you." (she then addresses the campers) "Alright, you all have about half an hour to unpack and meet us at the main lodge, starting, now!" (her and Chris walk away at that point)
Brody - "Nice!"
[BASS CABIN - GIRLS SIDE]
(Suddenly, everyone is distracted by an extremely loud and terrified scream coming from the girls side of the Bass cabin. It draws the attention of Duncan, Heather, LeShawna, Crimson, Tom and Ezekiel. As it turns out, the screamer was Jen)
LeShawna - "Dang that white girl can scream."
(In the cabin room, Jen is standing on a stool, terrified of a small little roach.)
Jen - "Oh my gosh! What is it?! KILL IT! KILL IT!"
(The roach moves around on the floor)
Tom - (sees it, gasps in horror) "EEEEEEEEEEEP!" (and with that girlish squeal he leaps onto one of the beds in an attempt to say safe from it)
(Brick runs into the room, which then fills with screams and shreaks from many of those in it as Brick tries stomping on it. Brick, LeShawna, Ezekiel and possibly Crimson all try to smash it with their feet while Tom, Jen, Heather and Sammy are all panicking in fear of the little thing. They all fail to successfuly stomp on it. Then, comes in Duncan. With an axe. He prepares to attack the Roach with it)
Roach - "Help me!"
Dawn - "NO!" (She literally pushes Duncan as she rushes in, the axe falls on the floor just besides the roach as Duncan is pushed to the side. Dawn cups the roach into her hands to save it) "HOW COULD YOU?!"
Duncan - "It's just a cockroach, who cares?"
Dawn - (gasps) "It might be a roach, but it's still a part of mother nature! It's still a living being! It has rights!"
Duncan - (rolls his eyes)
(Most of the other girls are just disturbed by the roach itself)
Dawn - (cupping the roach in her hands, she glares at Duncan as she walks out of the cabin.)
Duncan - (rolls his eyes) "Hippie chicks."
[HALF AN HOUR LATER - MAIN LODGE/MESS HALL]
(All of the campers are now gathered up in the mess hall, where we finally meet the mentioned-long-ago Chef Hatchet. The Chef. He is the biggest and buffest guy on the island. A dark-skinned male presumably older than both Chris and Blaineley. He's always seen wearing his chef hat, with some pants, boots, and a simple yellow shirt. He also wears a white apron. The rest of his look is completed via bald head, black soul patch and black mustache)
Chef - (He's already speaking like a drill sargeant) "LISTEN UP!" (He's got all of the campers lined up as he's ready to serve them their must meal at camp. Leonard's in front of the line, B's in back) "I SERVE IT THREE TIMES A DAY, AND YOU WILL EAT IT THREE TIMES A DAY! GRAB YA TRAY, GET YA FOOD, AND SIT YA BUTTS DOWN NOW!" (the room shakes a bit due to how loud he's speaking/yelling)
Jen - "We will be getting all the major food groups, right?" (she says while Chef puts some brown slop onto some buns) "Because like, I didn't buy these clothes in the plus size model size so I can't eat too unhealthily."
(Her and Leonard take their plates)
Leonard - "It's fine for me. I'm more than capable of just casting a spell to make this food into a full on gourmet meal! Complete with all of the 1000 food groups that exist all across the realm of, Wawanakwa!" (Chef's eye starts twitching) "I can do it right now! FOODICUS GOODICUS MEALACADAVRA!" (nothing happens. The food is still brown slop on a bun with white gruel in a bowl on the side) "Give it some time, it'll work!" (another pause) "I don't know why it-"
Chef - "Don't make me use mah SHUT THE HECK UP SPELL!"
Leonard - (Does the smart thing and dashes off along with Jen with their plates)
Sugar - (hands on hips) "He's gonna get it now. Nobody disses a wizard and gets away with it!"
Noah - "Assuming his magic's real."
Sugar - "YOU SAYIN' IT'S NOT?! YOU DISSIN' THE WIZARD?!" (She's about to use her nail filer on him as she grabs him by the collar)
Noah - (Taken by surprise) "Uh....okay, it's real. It's real."
Sugar - "That's what I thought!" (let's him go)
Chef - (to himself, surprised) "That girl is crazy." (Sugar walks to get her plate of food)
Sugar - "MmmmmMMM! I don't know what y'all are all whinin' about this stuff smells GOOD!" (She starts bluntly eating like a slob before she even sits down)
Chef - (turns to Noah) "You. Scrawny Kid. Give me yo' plate." (Holds up another scoop of slop. Noah hands him plate. When he goes to give extra scoop to slop bun, it goes onto it, but it just latches back on. Chef tries again, this time it works. Noah walks to table with confused/concerned/raised eyebrow look on his face)
(Some time later, and all 22 campers are seated at one of the two tables, Gophers on one side, Bass on the other. Chris and Blaineley walk into the main lodge at that point)
Chris McLean - "Welcome to the main lodge!"
Brody - "Yo, host dude and dudette! Can we order a pizza or somethin?"
(Chef wastes no time in chucking butcher knife right at him. Luckily though, he dodges, as do some of the other startled campers, and it hits the wall instead)
Brody - (frightened) "Woah! It's cool, G! Brown slop is cool!" (Chef just scowls, having another knife in-hand), "Right guys?"
(Cody, Heather, Dave and Sammy are in the shot. Dave and Sammy nod in faux-agreement, Heather looks on in surprise, Cody just begins to cower under the table)
Blaineley - "Your first challenge begins in, one hour!" (Her and Chris then leave the main lodge)
Sky - "What do you think our first challenge is going to be?"
Leonard - "Whatever it is, I doubt it'll be hard! I mean, it IS just our first challenge!"
[ONE HOUR LATER]
(All 22 of them are on the 1,000 foot high cliff, in their swimsuits, looking down at shark infested waters)
Leonard - "Oh [BLEEP]"
[END OF EPISODE - ROLL CREDITS]