Jon can't sleep. It's not something new for him, he had insomnia for years now, but tonight... tonight is different. He feels shallow and empty and it's not something new for him either, but something is off.
He considers calling Stephen just to talk with him, to calm his nerves and rumble a bit. But Stephen has his life, has his family, his show and even if he considered Jon as family in the past, he hardly thinks he's a part of it anymore. They're friends, but what if... what if Stephen doesn't want him?
So he doesn't call him. He makes coffee and turns on TV. There's nothing that draws his attention as he flips through programs and he feels shallow, unaffected by the world outside.
He can't sleep, but he still drinks more coffee. He knows it's not doing any good for him, he just doesn't care. He's cold, sitting only in his boxers and a t-shirt, but he cannot bring himself to care. It's not worth it. He doesn't care.
It's late, he knows that, but his eyes land on the phone anyway. He picks it up and calls on an impulse and it's too late, it's not a good idea, he wants to hung up. Someone answers.
"Jon?" and he can't breathe now for some strange reason, he can't reply, apologize, hung up. He's frozen and he doesn't know why.
"Jon, is everything all right?" Stephen's voice is more coherent now, but worried too and Jon feels so stupid, so shallow, but not that shallow at all. Because Stephen.
"No" he manages in a strangled whisper and that's so true, so true it hurts, but he's not empty.
"I'm coming over, Jon" and Stephen's gone, but he's going to get here soon. He's going to be here, tell him how stupid he is, tell him to stop, stop him.
There's a knock on his door and he knows it's Stephen. He lets him in, doesn't say anything and they stare at each other in silence. He can't stand the soft, brown gaze of his friend for long, so he turns his head away. He can't stand it because it makes him want to cry. But that's alright, it's only the two of them here.
Stephen doesn't say anything, he just comes closer and then he's guiding Jon to his bedroom. It's not awkward, just content in strangely intimate way and Jon starts to feel warm as Stephen gets him in bed.
It's not enough Stephen or maybe it's too much Stephen, he doesn't know, but he doesn't feel empty, when matters dip under another body and he's swooped closer to it, to its comfort and heat. It should be odd, but it's not. He felt dumb earlier, but he's so grateful now as they hug each other, his head tucked under Stephen's chin.
He felt shallow, but it's just a perfect place for Stephen. He feels a kiss on his head and he feels so full now.
He can sleep.