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Week One

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-- tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo Bearded Wizard Slash on board FUCK PARADOX SPACE IN EVERY SINGLE BLACK HOLE: THE MOVIE --

TT: This shall serve as a repository for my magnum opus.
TT: I tease. This is a chronicle of my early days of trollhood.
TG: yes plz tell us everything about you playing ye olde alien trouser flute

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo Bearded Wizard Slash --

TT: I would never dare to steal the thunder from your own memo, dear brother.
TT: I might have wanted to keep track of the first three days. Oh well. They are indelibly engraved in my mind, especially the parts I might wish to eventually forget.
TT: Note to self, find way to destroy Eridan Ampora's screencaps of my breasts. Not that I truly mind him having them -- they are merely fat deposits now, not even milk-producing glands any longer, so they are even more pointless, if pleasant to the touch...
TT: Though I am honestly wondering whether that isn't mostly habit and subconscious expectations. Hm. Must ask Kanaya.
TT: Am wondering if replacing Eridan's files with pictures of dead fishes would be considered blackflirting.
TT: Thank you, Karkat.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] banned carcinoGeneticist [CG] from memo Bearded Wizard Slash --

TT: I shall refrain, then.
GG: idk i never did play much with my boobs! theyve always been mostly bothersome. :/
TT: Good, a second point of data.
GG: :D now we just have to get jane and roxy in here and well be 4/4! itll be way more exact than asking your girlfriend, i mean, apart from confirming or denying troll norms she cant participate in the ex human boob survey
TT: Hm. I would still like to know if we are abnormal for trolls, though.
GG: its not like youre planning to get your boobs touched by anyone else are you?? :??
TT: Who knows.
TT: You do realize that, as trolls now living on Alternia under the empress' rule, we may one day be expected to contribute to the slurry?
GG: :?
TT: As in, we will have to provide filled buckets.
TT: I have not yet found in myself any honestly caliginous feelings, and am not sure whether they're more hormonal or cultural in nature; we might not ever have the correct context to form proper ones. Nevertheless we might well be expected to one day find kismeses.
GG: oh. huh. yeah okay i didnt think of that!! D:
GG: wow i have no idea what you do with a kismesis. apart from bitey kisses i mean. must research!!!
TT: So I might, in fact, one day, have someone else touch my boobs.
GG: yeah hmmm :/
GG: well at least kanaya probably wont mind at all :D
GG: i mean shell need one too wont she
TT: ... Indeed.
TT: If you will excuse me, I must return to my note-taking.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] banned gardenGnostic [GG] from memo Bearded Wizard Slash --

TT: Let's make a human women memo later, though.
TT: In any case.
TT: I also seem to have acquired something of a part-time roommate.
TT: But I must pause this chronicling endeavor for the moment; there she is again.


-- tentacleTherapist [TT] started trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] --

TT: Feferi. I notice on a surveillance camera that the backdoor to my hive has been left open.
TT: Suspicious puddles of a no doubt salty nature spread on my kitchen floor.
TT: It does seem they are making their slow, meandering way to my pantry.
TT: One might wonder how such a mysterious event could possibly happen.
CC: )(i, Rose!
CC: You're out of kraken steak! T)(at's reely negligent.
TT: How remiss of me.
CC: SUP--ER remoramiss.
CC: I caug)(t too muc)(, so I broug)(t you some! Just being neig)(borly. 38D
TT: I... see.
TT: This has, of course, nothing to do with my stock of smoked salmon, which is disappearing at an alarming rate.
CC: T)(at IS a weird conc)(incidence. 38O
TT: Feferi.
CC: T)(at's my name, don't wear it out. 38D
CC: W)(oops, look at t)(e time! I'll miss t)(e tide.
TT: I would very much appreciate a reassurance that this is not some strange seadweller courtship maneuver, or failing that, at least an explanation of which quadrant it is you are courting me in.
CC: Don't sea w)(at you're talking aboat. Later, Rose!
TT: It is reedeelculous, and even morse, porpoisterous, that I mast pull out the big cannons to force an explanation out of you, but do not bereef one finstant I won't dive down to your depths.
CC: Curses, )(arpooned by your puns.
TT: You have been at my hive so often these last days I am starting to wonder whether you spend any time at all in yours. I would appreciate an explanation.
CC: If you stop t)(e fis)( puns I am going to wriggle out of your net and swim back )(ome!
TT: ... You are terribubbly bratty, aren't you.
CC: LI---ES! I am exceeldingly nice. Everyone says so.
TT: Everyone has a grievous issue with their brains and might want to consult a reputable sturgeon.
CC: )(e)(e)(e)(e. 38D
TT: An explanavigation, Feferi. This is too needling for a morayeel courtship, but if you were looking for a kismefish I would expect more... mordant.
TT: As far as I recall you alreedy have a mantasprit.
TT: Feferi.
TT: I am battling a lot of strange urges recently, and while instinctively I wish you no harm, I am not at the time looking to fill either pale or caliginous quadrant, and there is a part of me that would love to turn confusion into outright, platonic hostility.
CC: Sig)(.
CC: Alrig)(t, if you're going to be so searious aboat it.
CC: It's not reelly flirting. I just like t)(e way you snap and try to )(arry me back into line, it's finny.
TT: I am exceedingly glad to hear it.
CC: You're always so conc)(cerned aboat t)(e propeller order of some t)(ings! And you never )(esitate to t)(wap me for me. But you're not mean aboat it eit)(er. It's nice.
CC: Also I don't know what to do wit)( my nig)(ts in that )(UG-E )(ive now t)(at I don't have to feed Mom anemonemore and all my cuttlefi)(s swam off. 38(
TT: Oh. That's all?
CC: Pretty muc)(. *s)(rug*
TT: I guess in that case the term of "hatefriend" proves itself remarkably accurate. :)
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.
CC: You forgot your )(orns, silly!
TT: My apologies. =:( Is this in any way morayeelgreeable?
CC: )(---E)(-E)(-E! Y-----ES!
TT: Good. I would eel so terribubble otterwise.
TT: Do not be surprised if the salmon you just, ah, borrowed, tastes a little peppery somehow, by the way.
TT: But I sea my warning comes too late. I am devastided.
CC: You're kind of awesome. 3XD
TT: Feferi, no, those are my preserves of -- damn it.
CC: (Boat t)(e way, you forgot a quadrant. 38D)

-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] stopped trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TT: ... I see I should acquire a thorough auspisticism primer off a reputable source post-haste.
TT: Who is our third even supposed to be? Is it at all possible to feel ashen stirrings for a single person, outside of a pacifying situation?
TT: Did I make things worse or better by what may in effect be considered flirting back?
TT: Curse you, Feferi Peixes, for infecting me with these questions when everyone else is asleep.

-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

CC: 3>8DDDDDD c3< )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.

-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] stopped trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --