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If I Didn't Have You

Chapter Text


oOOo One Week Later oOOo

“I do not need you here young lady.”

Kim smirked as she rolled Roberta down the sidewalk, “Yeah, well, then it sucks for you since I’m here to stay until you’re back into fighting shape.”

“I thought for a second there you’d say, back on your feet.”

Kim rolled her eyes, “Give me a little credit on word choice ‘Berta, I did used to be a psychiatrist.” They turned the corner to enter in the back because there were fewer steps than in the front and Kim stumbled to a stop. The only thing keeping her standing was her grip on the wheelchair’s handles. “What the hell?”

In front of them was what looked like a professionally made ramp that led to the house’s back door, “Well Kimberly, what are you waiting for?”

“Ah… right.” Kim sighed, “I am gonna kill Kate.”

“Why do you think Kate did this?”

Kim unlocked the door and pushed Roberta in. “Do you know something ‘Berta?”

“I don’t… but I’m fairly certain she would have just told you, and not surprised us like this.”

Kim let go of Roberta and went back to the door and looked out, “But, who else would do it?”


Kim winced, “Yeah, she’s still not talking to me.”

“Good riddance. Why you put up with that woman is beyond me.”

Kim turned and leaned against the door, “You could say that about Kerry too you know.”

Roberta shook her head emphatically, “Nope young lady, not like with Christy. Sorry Kimberly, but she’s just…” Roberta made a face as though she’d just taken a bite from a lemon, “Meanwhile, Kerry’s delightful…” Roberta tilted her head to one side, “Do you think that the ramp was her idea?”

Kim pushed off the door, “‘Berta, she has two kids to send to college, probably damn good colleges, and we didn’t…” Kim blew out a breath, “It’s all a mess.” She walked through to the kitchen, “So, I’m going to focus on you Roberta, so… what do you want for dinner?”

Roberta raised her eyebrows, “Something edible?”

“Heh heh… Good thing you’re gorgeous old timer, ‘cause you’re not funny.”



Kerry stared at the phone number she’d typed in on her cell phone, and then before she could change her mind she hit the send button. She waited.

Helen answered on the other side of the line, “Hello?”

“Hi, hello, it’s Kerry.”

“Kerry…” Helen seemed to rush her words, trying to get them in before Kerry could speak or hang up, “Before you say anything. Know that I am sorry. Truly and utterly sorry that I gave you up. It’s… it’s my one regret.”

Kerry was silent for a long time, considering her response. “Do you… Helen, do you really believe that my-- disappointment with you is about you giving me away? It’s not. I loved my parents, they loved me, I couldn’t have asked for a better family. No, this is about you throwing me away nine years ago. I thought…” Kerry shook her head even though Helen couldn’t see her, “And then I heard nothing until --you-- needed something.” Helen tried to speak, but Kerry didn’t let her. “Here’s the deal. You gave birth to me. My children owe you for that, one of which wouldn’t have had anyone if it weren’t for me. So, I have something I have to do in a week, but after that, you can have a lobe of my liver. And after that we never have to see each other ever again.” Kerry paused again, “Take it or leave it.”


oOOo One Week Later oOOo

Rachel groaned, “McCullers, Fields, do you two ever… ever stop making out?”

The young woman that Rachel had referred to as McCullers smirked just a bit, “Sure, when we have…”

The rest of her sentence was cut off as the other young woman covered her girlfriend’s mouth. “Sorry Rachel, we just…” She shook her head and gave Rachel a sheepish smile.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at both of the women, “You know Emily, I got you into Stanford, I can get you out…” Rachel held her stare for a second, then chuckled, “It’s almost showtime. So, Paige, get your mic and Emily….”

Carlos Lopez swept in and held out an arm. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the rabble over here…”

Emily shook her head, “You don’t have to, we just… Paige knows Rachel, and Rachel called someone and miraculously... and I don’t think I really want to know how... got me off a wait list of some sort, and we’re just stopping here on our way to California, and, somehow Rachel convinced Paige to do this singing thing, so…”

Carlos gave Emily a look, “So? We’re all a big family here, well… not Kate. Kate is freaking out because she thinks that Kim won’t like this.” Carlos looked over his shoulder, “Oh, and we’re all sorta worried that Christy, another of Kim’s friends is going to crash it and make a scene. So…” He gave a half a bow and put his elbow out, “M’lady.”

Emily laughed as she rolled her eyes but did take a hold of Carlos’ arm. “I-- thank you for making me feel welcome. I am gay though…”

Carlos smiled, “Yep, I got that from the two of you… ah, I was going to say something worse, but I’m working on my language since Lee has started copying what I said, so, Yes. I got that from the two of you kissing.” Carlos gave an exaggerated sigh, “All the best seem to be gay, taken, or both…” He glanced over his shoulder again, “So, do you know what song they’re going to do? Kerry won’t tell us.”

“I do.”

Carlos waited, then spoke, “Well?”

Emily shook her head, “Paige swore me to secrecy.” They both glanced over at the band. Rachel and the Stapes. In addition to Rachel on the Bass and Paige singing, there were two other women, one almost finished setting up her keyboard, and one sitting and looking a little bored behind a half a drum set.

Carlos sighed in the most faux aggrieved way he could, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait.” He tilted his head to one side, “Although since Madison has the keyboard and not a guitar it’s probably a semi-acoustic song right?” Emily regarded Carlos, but didn’t confirm or deny his statement. “Wow, you’re a hard nut to break.”

Emily smiled sadly, “Yes, well, I’ve had some experience with questioning.”

Carlos turned as a woman with two kids, a little girl and an older boy walked down the sidewalk towards them. He smiled. “Kerry, Lee, and Henry are here…”

The kids ran to Carlos while Kerry kept going towards Rachel. “Uncle Carlos, Uncle Carlos. Are you ready?” Henry asked. Leonora simply held her hands out and her Uncle picked her up.

“I am Henry. How about you?”

Henry nodded, then paused, “Do you think, I mean, do you think that Mama will be happy forever?”

With his free hand Carlos ruffled Henry’s hair, “I have no idea kid, but, Kim is an awesome lady.”

Henry looked a bit relieved, and nodded, “I want Mama to be happy all the time.” He changed the subject, “I’m going to go and tell Joe all about the garage. It’s not done, but it’s looking awesome Uncle Carlos.”

Henry walked over to Abby, her son Joe, and David Malucci, who looked quite, quite uncomfortable, but was pushing through it admirably.

Emily frowned, “So, you’re…”

Carlos smirked, “Henry’s Uncle Uncle, his mother, Kerry’s wife Sandy, was my sister. And this one’s…”

Leonora spoke up with a funny face, “Uncle by brother-age…”

Carlos continued, “Kate is Kim’s friend, as I said, Abby is Kerry’s… well, probably best friend at this point, Dave over there is Abby’s current boyfriend, oh, and it looks like Julian is the only one from Kim’s family who could make it.” He paused and squinted, “Oh, and Rachel is the daughter of one of the doctor’s in the ER who d. i. e. d. awhile ago, and a current Resident of some sort.”

Emily smiled softly, “You all are really one big family.”

Carlos shook his head, “Oh, you wouldn’t believe it if I kept going, but, it looks like they’re going to start. You’re going to bear witness to something that is either going to be all ‘Say Anything’ romantic, or go over like a brick in a pond.”



Kim winced as she rolled over in the guest room bed. Whoever had built the ramps inside and outside of Roberta’s place definitely hadn’t touched the guest room’s mattress, it was still just as lumpy as uncomfortable as it had been last time she’d bunked at Roberta’s.

Still, she had stuff to do. She’d been putting off going over to what was left of her garage. She had no doubt that it was a total loss, and she groaned out loud as she thought of how much work getting that back up and running was going to take.

She had just put her head back down on the pillow when a woman’s voice pierced the air.

“I keep on fallin'
In and out of love”

Kim frowned, hitting the snooze button on the bedside radio and clock, the music continued, and morphed into something familiar. “Fallin’” by Alicia Keyes, although the woman singing it didn’t have quite the same strength in her voice.

“With you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Lovin you darlin'
Makes me so confused

I keep on
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you.”

Kim was out of bed and to the window by the end of the verse. She opened the window and stuck her head out, listening as the four young women harmonized. She frowned at the sight. On the sidewalk was a band of sorts, a drummer, a keyboardist, a bass guitarist who Kim thought she should know the name of, and a lead singer.

“Oh, oh , I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain
Just when I think
I’ve taken more than would a fool
I start fallin' back in love with you

I keep on
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you”

But, that wasn’t even the half of it. A little farther down stood, Kerry, Henry, Leonora, Abby, her young son, David, Kate, her brother Julian, Carlos, and a young woman that Kim didn’t recognize.

“Oh baby
I, I, I, I'm fallin'
I, I, I, I'm fallin'

I keep on
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you”

Kim moved back from the window, closing it gently. She quickly pulled on some outdoor appropriate clothes and started downstairs. About halfway there, she could still hear them singing. Roberta stopped her, “Kimberly, what in tarnation is going on?”

Kim shook her head, “I don’t… c’mon, that’s what I’m going to see. Meet me out there?”

Roberta nodded, and Kim continued outside.

“I’m fallin'
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you

I’m fallin'
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I love you


Kim appeared on the sidewalk as the keyboard player took her fingers off the keys. Everyone there was totally silent. Kim walked to Kerry and stopped in front of her, paused a moment, and then, she put her arms around Kerry’s waist, bent down just the slightest bit and kissed the red head.

It was Roberta’s arrival that made them finally pull apart. In her most motherly voice she addressed everyone, “What in the world is going on here?”

Kim raised an eyebrow, but still didn’t break eye contact with Kerry, “That is a good question Ker. Alicia Keyes huh?”

Kerry smiled, still in Kim’s embrace. “That first morning...”

Kim nodded, “It was what was on, halfway done I think, when my alarm went off…” Kim frowned, “You remembered?”

Kerry nodded, then looked down at the ground for a moment, before meeting Kim’s gaze again. “Look Kim. I know that this is probably the worst idea ever. And, really, I have no idea why I--” Kerry blushed a little, “Why I did this, it just sort of came to me, and…” she cleared her throat, “After all our misunderstandings last time I didn’t want you to think that I was, or would ever be in any way ashamed of you, of me, of us…”

Kim shook her head, “You remembered. I thought that only I…” She cleared her throat, “Kerry, are you the one who…”

Kerry interrupted Kim, “Yes. I won’t lie anymore. I had Kate arrange it, the contractor and such, but I, yes, I paid for the upgrades to Roberta’s.”



Kim narrowed her eyes at Kerry, “You don’t know what I was going to say.”

Kerry smirked, “Did you know that being a bodice ripping, or scrub top ripping in my case, romance novelist is actually a quite lucrative sideline job?”

Abby smirked and mumbled under her breath, “Oh yeah, have to remember to email Carol about that little gem…”

Kerry hadn’t heard Abby’s comment, and continued, “Ah, and…”

Kim seemed to stare daggers into Kerry’s soul, “My garage?”

Kerry shook her head, “Just the demo, you’re going to have to decide how you want the new building to look, and again, Kate was the one who did the lifting and fighting with insurance and… I--”

Kerry was cut off as Kim kissed her again. Kerry smiled.

A throat cleared from behind Kim and she turned an interesting shade of red. “Ah, yes, for anyone who doesn’t know, this is Roberta, Roberta, people…”

Roberta laughed and gave Kim and Kerry a push on their butts. “You two, go to one of your homes, talk or…”


Roberta chuckled, “I’m going to enlist-- Carlos was it?” Carlos nodded, “And David to be manly men over my grill, because I think that we need to have a party.” She raised her eyebrows, “Without you two…”

Kim frowned, “Roberta, it’s… ten a.m.”

“So, it’ll be a long party.”

Carlos nodded, “Grilled Lunch. I’ll get the burgers…”

David chimed in, “Don’t forget the booze.”

Kim looked back and forth between Roberta and the two men, and looked at Kerry, “Did you plan this part too?”

Kerry shook her head and Kim sighed. “Roberta, it’s okay, we can…”

Roberta got an utterly and totally serious look on her face, and rolled to a stop in front of Kim. She spoke in a soft voice that didn’t carry past Kim and Kerry, “Young lady. Listen to me very carefully. I love you like I would a daughter, and you have been with me through all this… horribleness and me being a bitch. Go. Please. Despite the corniness and publicness of this display, I can see in her eyes that she loves you, and since I’ve known you for most of your life, I think you love her. So… go talk, or…”

Kim blew out a breath and cut Roberta off, “Fine, fine…” She frowned, “Are you sure you’ll be…”

Rachel spoke up, “Dave and Abby are doctors, not to mention the three of us are gonna be doctors. I think she’ll be fine Kim.”

Kerry looked on with a half a smile on her face. Letting the conversation wash over her. Kim finally spoke to her, “Are you on board with this Ker?”

Kerry glanced around for a moment, then slowly nodded, “Sure. Yes. Carlos, you’ll drop them off tonight?”

Carlos nodded, “Of course Kerry.” He leaned down by her ear and whispered, “I know you’re lesbians, but… don’t talk too much.”

Kerry gave him a good natured push and took Leonora from him, “Lee, are you okay to stay with Uncle Carlos?”

Leonora nodded enthusiastically, “And Joe?”

Abby shrugged, “What the heck, right, I don’t have shift until tomorrow. Let’s Par-tay…” Neither Kim nor Kerry moved. “Go… go…” She cleared her throat once, “You know… Kim’s place is closer…”

Kerry shot Abby a look, but after Kerry gave Henry a kiss on the head, gave Leonora back to Carlos, and went over to thank the band, she and Kim walked down the sidewalk to Kerry’s car.

They were right at the car when Kim blinked as the faded memory came to the forefront, “That was Greene’s kid.”

Kerry chuckled softly.