Q was fed up with James and Alec bouncing off the walls and complaining that they had nothing to do now that they were retired. He never had a problem with two bored Double Os before. That being said though, they both had been busy with missions and didn’t get to see each other often so when they did finally catch up they always had something to do. Alec had had his own place, before he got kicked out a few months ago for almost blowing it to smithereens, with James’s help of course. James had offered Q’s favourite couch to Alec and now he was a more permanent fixture in their tiny flat. Q didn’t really mind because he had more often than not come home to find Alec taking up his chair, regardless of whether James was there or not.
When Q first suggested renovating a house to them he didn’t expect to be doing the whole darn thing. He had thought maybe a nice big cottage that needed the kitchen and bathrooms updated and internet installed would be a perfect project for them all. Well, all as in mainly James and Alec with Q helping out after work sometimes and on the weekends. And it would keep the two of them out of trouble for the time being anyway (Oh who was he kidding, they both attracted trouble no matter what they did). If he wanted to do the whole entire house, including the garden he would’ve suggested actually building the said house from ground up. Come to think about it, they were kind of building it from scratch since James and Alec had too much fun gutting the whole thing. Nevertheless he wasn’t complaining (much), especially if he got to see James shirtless and sweaty every weekend.
So there he was, on a hot sunny day shovelling a huge pile of dirt into the back of a ute, more specifically James’s ute. Yes you read that right, Mr James ‘I like to drive fast fancy tripped out cars especially Aston Martins’ Bond had brought a white run of the mill, no special features ute. Q was still reeling from when he found out. He had thought James had gone mad and almost took him to medical to get help. James had tried to convince him that it was actually for Alec and he was just testing it out, but Q wasn’t so sure since James didn’t actually let Alec drive it at all. Ever.
Q wiped the sweat from his forehead and looked at his watch. Alec had started to complain about being hungry an hour or so ago and had dragged James off for a walk to the pizzeria a couple of blocks from the house, but they should’ve been back by now. Putting his shovel down Q trudged inside. He was glad they had most of the inside done and thankfully had the water still connected. Electricity was another matter altogether, trust two disastrous Double O’s to fuck it up some how.
After he had splashed some cold water onto his face, Q looked into the bathroom mirror. His face, neck and arms were starting to redden with the beginnings of sunburn. He grabbed out a tube of aloe vera cream from the cupboard and started slathering it everywhere as he walked into the bedroom. Toeing off his shoes Q flopped down onto the bed, but before his head touched his pillow he was up again and staring into the walk in wardrobe. He slowly crept forward to investigate but glancing around the wardrobe he found nothing.
Q was sure he had seen something out of the corner of his eyes. Sighing he left the wardrobe, when suddenly, as he was almost out of the doorway something dropped on him.
Screaming Q started whacking and kicking the thing. When he was sure that it was subdued, he took a closer look at it. He gasped, seeing that it was a bloody decomposing corpse. Who had hidden a dead body in his house? Brave idiotic bastards who ever they were. Q almost felt sorry for them, as they would be having two Double O agents after them as soon as Q could track them down using his ninja computer skills.
Hearing laughing coming from the kitchen Q slowly moved around the body, trying to keep a good distance from it and went to investigate. He found Alec and James both holding onto the bench to stand upright as they howled with laughter. Noticing an open computer standing next to some pizzas, Q figured something fishy was going on. It took the two men a good ten minutes to calm down enough communicate with Q, but he still had a little trouble understanding them. When Q finally worked out what they were telling him, he thumped them both over the head. James pouted; he said that it was all Alec’s fault since it was he who had the idea in the first place. Alec said it was totally fair since he had only wanted to scare James until James found out about the idea and had made him find a new spot to scare Q. Q was glad that the dead body was a dummy that Alec had found under a pile of other Halloween and Christmas decorations the previous owners had left in the little garden shed out the back.
As punishment he made them move the rest of the dirt as he relaxed in the shade eating the ice cream they had brought for dessert. When Q had finished all the ice cream (much to James and Alec’s disappointment, since it was their favourite flavour), he helped move the last little bit of the sand. Alec and James gave each other scared looks as Q started to chuckle evilly when they were done loading the dirt.
But as the footage of the corpse and dirt falling from the ceiling of Mi6 and landing on a terrified Eve, Tanner and M (who’s presence made the whole thing a whole load funnier) re played again, Alec and James had both agreed it was so worth the telling off and missing out on the ice cream.