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the end of the world

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Caitlin's eyes are locked with Joe's as he moves inside her, her legs locked around his waist, her fingernails scoring marks on his back. Neither of them blink, unwilling to look away even for a moment although it's a near thing for Caitlin when Joe twists his hips and thrusts into her even more deeply. It's enough to tear a whimper from her throat as the pressure increases low in her belly and she feels her release growing ever closer.

She doesn't want that, wants this to last as long as possible, to drag out every moment of their last time together before they go back to being just friends, colleagues on Team Flash.

That is, if they can go back.

Because she doesn't know how she's going to look at him in STAR Labs and not think about how his arms feel when they're wrapped around her. How his lips feel when they're tracing her skin. How he knows exactly how to bring her to the edge over and over again. How his voice sounds when he whispers her name.

He does it now and she knows by the tenor of his voice, by the tension in the muscles of his arms and his face that he's trying to hold back, just like she is. The sound of his voice makes her shiver and she shifts against him right as he moves just right and that's it for her; starbursts explode behind her suddenly closed eyelids as she gasps his name through waves of pleasure. She's dimly aware of his release, hears her name said in a different tone altogether before his lips find hers and they kiss one another through both release and aftershocks.

Afterwards, she wraps herself around him, feels him press a kiss to the top of her head. His fingertips make patterns on her shoulder and back and it's so familiar, so right.

She wants him to stay forever.

But they can't and they both know it. They agreed, after all, when they met earlier to talk - although she thinks that maybe, if they didn't want to end up here, they should have met in a public place, rather than her apartment.

Then again, maybe ending up here is exactly why they didn't.

But it doesn't change anything. Iris still isn't talking to either one of them. Barry's caught in some type of limbo between loyalty to her and loyalty to them and the tension is wearing thin on him. Poor Wally can't actually look her in the eye anymore and Cisco just thinks the whole thing is weird.

They'd agreed, earlier. Whatever they have, they can't destroy all those relationships because of it.

They'd agreed.

 

Lying her like this, Caitlin wishes they hadn't.

Joe kisses her temple. "I should go."

She nods, tries to be brave, sets her lip so that it won't tremble. "You want to shower first?"

It's a suggestion, not an invitation. She sees temptation flash through his eyes anyway. "I'd better not," he decides eventually. He runs a finger along her arm. "If I don't go soon... I don't think I ever will."

She thinks that wouldn't be a bad thing.

She thinks that would be the end of their world.

She disentangles her hands from his body, lets him go, pretends that the loss of his body heat isn't like a knife to her heart. In silence, she watches him dress and when he turns to go, the bed dips beneath his weight one last time as he leans in and kisses her softly on the lips.

"Goodnight, Caitlin," he whispers and she fights back tears as she watches him go.

Only when she hears the front door close does she whisper, "Goodnight, Joe."

 

Then she cries.