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License to Flirt

Chapter Text

            Iruka showed up early for his driving exam; he wanted to make a good impression with the driving instructor.

            An hour later, he cared a lot less about good impressions and a lot more about tracking down his jackass driving instructor and making a good impression with his fist in the smug bastard’s face.

            “Am I at the right place?” Iruka muttered irritably to himself, glancing down at his wrinkled little pamphlet as he leaned against the hood of his car. Yes, this was the correct parking lot, located right next to the town hall, the time of appointment had definitely been nearly an hour ago (friggin’ dick), and he couldn’t even call the DMV (which was on the other side of town) because his phone had died (okay, that was Iruka’s fault but still). Iruka had recited the entire driving manual in his head twice while waiting for the instructor to meet him and was more than ready to DO this if the bastard would get off his fat, lazy ass and-

            “Sorry I’m late,” a deep voice cut in, and Iruka looked up. At first he thought the figure steadily approaching was a astonishingly hot hobo, then caught sight of the clipboard tucked under one arm and realized it could only be-

            Oh, fuck ME.

            The instructor jogging toward him was tall and toned, with a shock of silver hair that had been expertly styled by his bed, no doubt. His stained t-shirt (good Lord, was that Icha Icha?) and casual sweats covered in dog hair didn’t detract from his sex appeal in the slightest, and when his half-lidded, smoldering eyes met Iruka’s, his knees went weak and he had to brace himself against the car’s hood to stay upright. God-DAMN! As if that wasn’t enough, there was a mole (a fucking mole!) sitting on his chin like a punctuation mark, the sentence prior a pair of sinful lips that were slightly parted from exertion. This…wasn’t fair. It was criminal for someone to look that damn smoking in such shit clothes. Seriously, he looked and smelled like he’d just rolled out of a bed of dogs. It made Iruka painfully self-conscious of his own pressed button-up and khaki’s. What was he, going to a fucking job interview?

            The man stopped in his tracks, frowning at him in confusion. He glanced down at his clipboard and scratched his head with a pen. The awkward silence stretched on.

            “You’re not sixteen,” he finally said.

            “No, I’m not,” Iruka snapped back, desperately clinging to his anger. If he lost that, the only thing he’d have left would be the desire burning hot in his gut. And he didn’t think that would help him pass the test. …Or would it? No. No, definitely not. “I’m a late bloomer. Can I take the test now?”

            “Yeah, sure, mister…” The instructor paused at the name on his clipboard. “Uh…”

            “Yes, it’s Iruka, like the dolphin, ha ha, go ahead and laugh, let’s go.” Iruka was so done. He pulled out his keys and jerked open the driver-side door, nearly throwing himself into the seat and wrestling the seatbelt across his hips.

            “Okay, nice to meet you, Iruka,” the instructor replied, grinning, and Iruka almost shut the door on his foot. He trudged up to the car and leaned against the open window, extending a hand in friendship. “I’m Kakashi, by the way. Like the scarecrow, ha ha, go ahead and laugh.”

            Iruka’s face flushed as he realized how rude he’d been, even if the jerk deserved it.

            “…Sorry,” he said, taking the proffered hand. Kakashi gave it a firm shake, his palm warm and calloused. Iruka tried not to focus on how his tanned skin contrasted against the other’s pale tone. “I’m, just, kinda nervous. I have my permit and everything, it’s just this test that’s left. I really do need my license.”

            “I understand,” Kakashi replied solemnly, resting his elbows against the window’s edge. “Just relax, it’ll be over before you know it.” Iruka smiled back, the knot of tension in his stomach finally beginning to unravel.

            Maybe he’d saved his good impression after all.

            “…Is that a bra in the backseat?”

            Godammit, Anko. Really? Iruka closed his eyes and counted to ten. He should have thought better than asking to borrow her car for the test. But Asuma’s truck reeked like cigarettes, Genma’s like weed, Raido had a stick-shift, and Kotetsu and Izumo’s little Chevy was liable to have something a lot nastier than a bra in the backseat. He shuddered as he remembered the last time he’d been forced to bum a ride off of them. Condoms. Condoms everywhere.

            Swearing under his breath, Iruka jammed the keys into the ignition and turned.




            The test started out easy enough. Kakashi first had him do simple tasks while he stood outside the car, like flash the lights, blinkers, turn on the wipers, and adjust his mirrors. After he passed all these with flying colors they moved on, Kakashi hopping into the car’s passenger side, instructing him to pull out of the parking lot and cruise down the main street of their sleepy town. Iruka had to force himself to concentrate on the road and not on how close Kakashi was, their arms almost brushing in the cramped confines. Iruka knew Anko’s car was tiny, but this was ridiculous. If it were any smaller, he’d be sitting in Kakashi’s lap.

            …Actually that didn’t sound too-

            “Let’s get the hardest part over with first,” Kakashi said suddenly, pointing with his pen at two parked cars down the road with a sizeable space between them. “Park there.”

            Iruka’s stomach jumped, adrenaline surging through his system. Parallel parking? Already? Anko had helped him practice (if accidentally pressing the gas too hard and plowing into the bumper of an unsuspecting van, then fleeing the scene of an accident could be called ‘helping’), but parallel parking was always one of the trickiest parts to master.

            You can do this, Iruka, he told himself firmly, willing his heartbeat to calm down. His hands dampened nervously as he gripped the wheel and slowed in preparation. Repeating step-by-step instructions in his head, he carefully braked as he came alongside the parked car, then spun the wheel and switched into reverse. Turning to look behind him and gently easing on the brake, Iruka began to slowly back the car up, adjusting the wheel as it went.

            “Watch out, it’s pretty tight back there.”

            Iruka slammed on the brakes, the pair of them jolting forward in their seats.

            “What?” He stared at Kakashi in shock, not sure he’d heard right.

            “…The parking space.” Kakashi blinked at him innocently.

            “…Oh. Right.” Iruka felt his face burning and forced himself back to the task at hand, releasing the brake again and spinning the steering wheel to perfectly align the car into the space. He even switched back into drive and fronted up a little to give the car behind him enough room to leave before putting it into park.

            “Hey, good job.” Kakashi glanced out the window at the curb and nodded in satisfaction, marking a box with a check. “Let’s move on.”

            “Okay.” Iruka let out a breath and put the car back into drive while mentally berating himself. What was he thinking, taking that ‘tight back there’ comment as some sort of random sexual-

            “Make sure to pull out before you finish.”

            The brakes got slammed again.

            “EXCUSE ME?!”

            “Pull out of the parking space before you finish turning,” Kakashi explained, staring at him in confusion. “Makes it easier to…straighten yourself out.”

            “…Right.” Iruka cleared his throat, flustered and confused. Was that…? Had he really…?

            After a moment to gather himself, he took off down the main road again, returning to the familiar motions of following Kakashi’s prompts to turn left or right onto several side roads, stopping at lights and signs every now and then. The car was otherwise silent for several minutes, until…

            “Nice curves.”


            “You make very nice turns. Very…elegant.”


            A few minutes later. “You’ve got a nice caboose.”


            “Car’s trunk is big. Lotta space for storage. Comes in handy, huh?”

            “…Yup. Sure.”

            They got worse.

            “You lubed up?”

            Iruka just choked at that one.

            “Gotta keep that engine working.” Kakashi glanced over at him, face completely serious. “Can’t neglect proper maintenance.”

            Oh, it’s working alright, Iruka thought to himself. A little TOO well.

            The desire was back, burning fiercer than ever. Not even annoyance or the faint smell of dog could douse it this time, especially since Kakashi kept fanning the goddamn flames with his little comments and that fucking smile. He was practically dumping kerosene on the fire at this point. Fighting the urge to jump the man, Iruka gripped the wheel and clenched his teeth, eyes firmly glued to the road and not at all on those little laugh lines that wrinkled around Kakashi’s eyes whenever he grinned at him like that- godammit!

            “So,” Kakashi broke in suddenly, “what are you, in your twenties? Never took Driver’s Ed in Highschool? Why’d you wait so long to get your license?”

            “Busy with things,” Iruka answered shortly, intent on the dipshit Prius cutting in front of him. “Life, mostly.” Life being another word for orphaned, penniless, and stuck in a home with thirty other kids. The only good thing to come out of that hell-hole was his younger brother, Naruto, reason number two why he’d waited to get his license, since he never got a moment’s peace from the foxy little demon. Speaking of the adorable little devil, Iruka desperately hoped he wasn’t tearing apart Anko’s apartment TOO badly before he finally returned, licensed and ready to drive (fingers crossed).

            …But then again she kinda deserved it for leaving a fucking bra in the backseat. Probably did it on purpose to get a laugh, now that he thought about it. But anyway. Back to driving.

            “Also I didn’t want to fill in that stupid time-sheet thing,” Iruka added off-handedly.

            “Ugh. I hear you.” Kakashi wrinkled his nose in disgust, which Iruka was horrified to find adorable and sexy at the same time. “Turn here.”

            Iruka obeyed, careful to signal with his blinker and slow down, looking left and right. He wasn’t sure how many points he’d lose clipping a pedestrian, but he didn’t want to risk it. How long had it been, anyway? Surely they were nearly done-

            “So,” Kakashi went on casually, and, if Iruka wasn’t mistaken, the slightest bit flirty, “what do you do?”

            Besides you? “I sub, mostly. Thinking of getting a teaching degree. Not sure yet.” Behave, Iruka. He’s your instructor. Be fucking professional here.

            “Ah, well,” Kakashi chuckled, deep and rich, flashing those pearly whites and actually fucking winking. “When you see something you want, you just gotta GO for it, you know? Pounce on it. Otherwise, it just might get away.”

            Okay, fuck it.

            That was the last straw. Iruka couldn’t take any more. The fire was raging out of control, and no amount of sexy, shirtless firefighters could put these flames out. There was only one thing to do.

            He hit the brakes, used his blinker, pulled over, put the car in park, and then lunged forward, intent on ravaging that smirking mouth–

            And was instantly cock-blocked by the child-safety lock, the seatbelt cinching tight across his chest and hips like a vice and slamming him back against the seat. He choked and sputtered for breath, the wind knocked out of him.

            Kakashi just sat there, blinking, his clipboard in one hand, pen poised for another check.

            “…Did you just try to kiss me?”

            “No! I was- I just- there was a- Godammit! Fuck this!” Iruka exploded, struggling desperately with his seatbelt. Humiliation and embarrassment made the heat from his face spread all the way to the back of his neck, the small hairs at the nape prickling and standing on end.

            “No, seriously, did you just try to-”

            “I am TRYING to take my driving test!” Iruka shouted back, smacking his hands against the steering wheel. “So I can finally get my license instead of bumming rides off my friends all the damn time, but YOU, YOU and your goddamn MOLE take your sweet-ass time getting here, making me wait like an idiot for a fucking HOUR and then you finally show up looking all- fucking- THAT, and then- THEN! We start the test and you start saying all sorts of sexual innuendo shit and act all innocent DOE-EYES when I call you out on it and now I’m on fucking FIRE and you expect me to keep driving around like a normal fucking PERSON?!”

            The silence in the car after his tirade was stifling. Following the teachings of his anger-management class, Iruka forced himself to take several deep, calming breaths before finally continuing, in a much more subdued voice.

            “…I…I’m…sorry.” He sank forward, pressing his forehead against the steering wheel and closing his eyes in defeat. He almost wished the air bag would deploy and end his misery. “Just…just fail me now so I can be done with this.”

            “…Iruka,” Kakashi said after a long pause, his voice surprisingly gentle. “I passed you, like, fifteen minutes ago.”

            “You…what?” Iruka’s head shot up and he gaped at the other man in shock. “Fifteen- then- why didn’t you have me pull over or turn around?!”

            “Was having too much fun, honestly,” Kakashi admitted with a shrug, having enough shame to at least look slightly guilty. Iruka just stared. “What, don’t believe me?” He showed Iruka the clipboard, his checklist completed, even a little smiley face doodled in the corner. “See? You passed. Just sign here, take this paper to the office and get your photo taken. You’ll get your license in the mail in about a week.”

            Iruka groaned and let his head fall forward. It hit the horn, which joined in with an indignant honk. “Where’s the nearest cliff I can drive off of?”

            “Down the street, take a right,” Kakashi answered. Iruka reached over and shifted into drive. “Whoa, whoa! I was kidding. Kidding.” Kakashi gently pried his hand off the stick and jammed it back into park, still not releasing his hand. Iruka’s face grew hotter the longer he held it, the flames rekindling. Kakashi hummed, his thumb rubbing abstract circles on his tan palm. “You know…there is a nice take-out place in that direction, though. Ramen.”

            “…Ramen?” His interest piqued, Iruka turned his head, peering over at Kakashi. Those half-lidded eyes met his, warm and inviting. The laugh-lines were back, crinkling endearingly.

            “My treat.” Kakashi gave his hand a squeeze. “For passing your test. And an apology for putting you through this. What do you say?”

            There was silence in the car again, but this time the air was thick with anticipation, excitement, and the first beginnings of hope. Iruka stared into Kakashi’s anxious gaze before dropping to their intertwined hands, the pale and tan, then gathered his courage and shyly squeezed back.

             “Okay, but you’re driving.”

             The smile Kakashi gave him made him warmer than any flames ever could.