Work Header

Unholy Matrimony

Work Text:

Hidden among the other papers in his office, Rip had started keeping a running tally of how many times each member of the Waverider's crew had managed to get themselves accidentally married and/or betrothed in assorted time periods, just out of personal curiosity. He wasn't sure if he planned to give the winner a bottle of expensive wine or lock them up in the ship's detention cell for their own good.

Sara - 3

("You're just doing this to mess with me, aren't you?" he demanded after the third time, when she managed through some shenaniganry that he didn't even want to know about to get herself engaged to a Roman Senator's daughter. The only answer he got was a smug look.)

Kendra - 1

(But that one probably didn't count, since they happened to end up in a century where she actually was married to the guy. Rip wasn't counting Carter at all, because Kendra would definitely win by default in that case, at least if they were counting number of marriages as opposed to number of spouses.)

Ray - 4


"I'm not doing it on purpose! I'm just nice to people, that's all!")

Leonard - 0

("... really?"

"Unlike some people, I have the common sense not to put myself in situations that result in unwanted matrimony."

"Or you're just not a people person."

"That too.")

Firestorm - 3

(He started out keeping separate tallies for them, but gave up since two different occasions were Firestorm managing to hook up with someone as Firestorm, once due to being mistaken for a local god who was ceremonially married to the temple's priestess, the other case involving a lava-based life form from the general vicinity of Alpha Centauri.)

Mick - 1 or 500

(This was on a mining colony in the late 24th century where all the adult residents were technically married to each other, and apparently saving someone's life was what got you adopted by the whole colony. The most annoying thing about this one was that Mick now insisted on being dropped off for regular conjugal visits, although Rip was pretty sure he wasn't so much getting laid as getting puppypiled. The asteroid dwellers were a very touchy-feely bunch when they weren't suited up for mining duty.)

Gideon - 1

("I can't even. I just can't."

"It was a diplomatic decision necessary for the safety of the entire crew, Captain Hunter. I felt you would not disapprove of my actions. Was I mistaken?"

"I ... wouldn't really say I disapprove exactly ... but let's lock out the year 2219 entirely, shall we? I don't think we need to find out what a planet-sized AI does when it's jilted.")

Rip - ??

He was definitely not keeping a tally for himself. Besides, he had no regrets about either the Pleistocene incident or the whole San Francisco thing. The topic of Woodstock, however, would not be mentioned. Ever.

And then there was the added complication that, according to the customs of at least three of the cultures they'd visited lately (including Mick's 24th-century miners), the entire Waverider crew were married to each other.

Actually, maybe he was just going to drink that bottle of wine himself.