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How to Train your Spider

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"How often do you hug that kid?" Tony asked as he entered the lounge in the Avengers tower. Steve released Peter with a short "to your room." He turned to Tony.

"Should I keep count? I just finished lecturing him, so..." Steve finished every disciplinary or congratulatory discussion with the teens with a hug. Wanda got a lot more of the latter ones, Peter got a lot of both. Pietro didn't get much of either, which Steve wasn't too happy about.

"A lecture? Again?" Tony snapped at Peter. "Your behavior is going from bad to worse! One of these days you're going to get a spanking." 

"Tony, don't scold him now. No double jeopardy, remember?" Steve said. Soon after the Maximoffs had moved in, the Avengers had decided that they would be disciplined only once for a misdeed. Tony gave Peter a look, then nodded in dismissal.

Peter flushed and walked off. Tony watched him. The boy was brilliant, and Tony would have taken him under his wing even if he didn't have superpowers. But he did have superpowers and had proved his worth more than once, in every sense. His talent for getting into trouble, though!

"What did he do this time?" Tony asked, crossing his arms.

"Pranks!" Steve answered.

"That's it?" Tony raised an eyebrow. Pranks were accepted within the team.

"At Bruce, in his lab." Steve said, "and after Bruce told him to stop. Thrice." Tony rolled his eyes, knowing there was more to come.

Steve continued, "Today Bruce started off his experiment and found gibberish where his previous data should be. He checked his backups - same thing. Then Jarvis reported that Bruce's pulse had hit 100, I and Natasha rushed to the lab, and Peter's standing there. He hacked into Bruce's computer it seems."

Tony winced. Peter had a penchant for hacking into systems, and Bruce's computer was tempting - but the boy knew about the Hulk! "Where's Bruce?" he asked.

"With Clint. I think he's taking a turn on the archery range. Calms him down, it seems." Steve answered, sitting down and leaning back against the couch cushions.

Tony nodded. "He does need a spanking Steve. The next time, don't lecture him."

Steve narrowed his eyebrows. "I can't spank him. That's your job." He said as Clint walked in with a very relaxed Bruce.

"How come?" Tony asked, looking away. They had had this discussion before, and he didn't like what Steve was going to say next. 

"Remember that form you signed, agreeing to be his temporary guardian?" Clint asked, to Tony's surprise. 

"That doesn't mean I have to discipline him. And really, I don't like physical contact of any kind," Tony shrugged, "and I don't know how to spank." he finished with a flourish. There. They couldn't ask him to do something he didn't know how to. Though that excuse was probably getting old.

Clint chuckled, while Steve glared at Tony. Tony shrugged.."Well, I.."

"And that's the reason he has to be disciplined. Steve's glares don't work on him anymore." Bruce chuckled. Now Tony flushed. "You know Cap, you can -"

"I'm not going to yell at him." Steve cut him off. The yelling had happened after Peter's last fiasco when Tony had fallen back on the "I don't know how to spank" excuse. Steve's army training had kicked in, and he had gone to Peter's room, locked the door, and yelled at him for 15 minutes straight, shredding Peter's morals, common sense, and sense of responsibility to pieces. Peter had listened quaking, and that night, Jarvis had woken the Avengers to deal with Peter, who had nightmares which made him scream. It was up to Steve to calm him down - and feel guilty.

The next morning Tony walked in to see Peter getting hugged at the breakfast table, a huge stack of chocolate chip pancakes and syrup in front of him. As Tony watched bemusedly, Steve kissed Peter on the top of his head. "So that's what your commanding officer did?" "No, he didn't. In fact, the last thing he told me was that he wasn't going to kiss me." Steve had said, Peter had laughed, and there had been no lasting damage, but there was no way Steve was doing that again.

"I'll see what I can do," Tony said. Surely it couldn't be that hard to spank a kid, he thought, but did he want to?


Peter walked to his room, his spider senses picking up every word. His bottom tingled. The trick with Dr. Banner had been fun. How was he to know that he would freak out like that? So stupid. And now they were talking spanking. The word made him shudder. Aunt May had spanked him over her knee for years, but after 'it' happened, he had been too worried and then too busy fighting crime to get into trouble.

But he was now in a tower with half a dozen superheroes, had a lot of free time, and had managed to not get spanked only because Mr. Stark didn't like to. The conversation going on in the lounge made him uneasy. Pietro was older than him and Clint spanked him over his lap with his bottom bared. He used a hand, a hairbrush and if it was deemed necessary, an arrow shaft. And Peter had seen how effective it was - Pietro had once spent the whole of the next day on his stomach. Peter thought of lying bare bottomed on Mr. Stark's lap and shuddered. He didn't want to lie on any of their laps with his bottom bared! He didn't want a spanking, period!


The next day, as Peter helped Tony with schematics for a new arc reactor, Tony asked him in a quiet voice. "You heard us talking yesterday, Peter?"

"Yes," Peter admitted. There was no point in lying.

"Well kiddo, you'd better start behaving. The next time something happens, you're going over my knee. And bare. Understand?" Tony said, still in a quiet voice.

"Yes, Mr.Stark" Peter answered.

"Just stay out of trouble, you'll be fine." Tony patted his back awkwardly, and asked, "Now, see the right corner. See any room for improvement?"

"The second heat sink has to be bigger?" Peter asked tentatively.

"Fix it, Aragoglet!" Tony said, now in a normal voice, and Peter reached over to change the schematic, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.