Yoongi was so brilliant when it came to lying to himself.
Well, not only about lying to himself. He was brilliant in a whole range of diverse things, thank you very much. But he should have seen this coming. Gosh, he wanted to slap himself with a fly swat right now.
It happened when he and Jihoon had finished another study session after class, in the small room at the end of the corridor. They liked spending some private time there, away from prying eyes (which was a feat in a boarding institute).
Jihoon gathered his books and Yoongi went to the door to open it.
Yoongi stopped midway and turned on his heels. Jihoon was fidgeting, his eyes fixed on the floor, and at that moment,Yoongi knew. He knew what was going to happen because this whole scene was a cliché in itself. Jihoon had been distant for more than a week now, and when you lived in a boarding institute, a week was a fucking long time to avoid someone. Especially your boyfriend.
That might have been the first hint. Min Yoongi was definitely a brilliant observer.
“Yoongi-hyung, there’s something I think I should tell you.”
There we go, Yoongi thought.
“I like you, I really do. I’ve always admired you, and I still will. I still will.” His voice was so, so soft and almost innocent. “But...”
Amazing, it’s really happening. Yoongi tried to look as bored on the outside as he felt restless on the inside.
Jihoon opened his mouth after swallowing hard. “I think I- no I don’t think, I’m sure, you know I-I really like you, but I think it evolved in a friendly way- I mean it’s a positive way but-”
Yoongi had always found Jihoon's rambling kind of cute. But right now, it was torture to listen to him making this break up thing longer than it should be.
“Hyung. I’m… I’m sorry, I think I don’t love you the way you love me anymore.”
There was a beat of silence, and then Yoongi sighed. “Okay. I see.” He shrugged before turning back to the door, because looking at Jihoon's face was too much right now.
Jihoon did not follow him.
Why would he follow Yoongi since he had just dumped him, anyway? Yoongi felt his scowl intensify, and he glared at a few students who wore the first years colours. They quickly avoided his eyes and walked in a different direction.
Hoseok waved at him when he saw him exit the Classes building. “Ah, hyung!” He started following him to the Life building where the dormitories and refectory were. “You took your sweet time! Where is Jihoon?”
“I’m not his fucking baby sitter,” Yoongi grumbled.
Hoseok raised an eyebrow. “If something happened, you should tell me now instead of acting grumpy. You’ll end up telling me anyway, you could save us some time.”
This was absolutely true, but... "Not now, Hoseok." He opened the heavy wooden door to the Life building and turned left to climb the stairs to the dormitories.
Hoseok stopped at the foot of the stairs. “Hyung, where are you going? You’re not coming for dinner?”
Yoongi waved his hand in negation and kept climbing.
His dormitory was deserted at this time of the evening. Yoongi collapsed on his bed, took his mp3 player, put his earphones on his ears and blasted music as loudly as possible.
He knew he shouldn’t have given into Lee Jihoon. The same way he shouldn’t have given into the others cute, clever men that had been his boyfriend before Lee Jihoon. Either they finally realised Min Yoongi was an embarrassing nerd, or they had genuinely mistook admiration for romantic love.
Yoongi sighed as he rolled on his side. He really liked Jihoon. He also really liked to have sex in the showers, it was approximately the only thing that pulled him out of bed in the morning. Jihoon wasn’t exactly loud, but they still had to take their shower earlier than the others so that no one would hear. Because even if he pressed his hand on Jihoon’s mouth, he would still let the cutest noises fall from his lips when Yoongi pounded into him against the shower wa-
Yoongi grumbled and stopped thinking about morning showers. Hell, he was going to take his showers in the fucking evening now.
Yoongi was mad at himself. He had chosen apathy as an armor because it was supposed to prevent him from that type of embarrassment. Opening himself. Getting attached. Falling for someone.
Mark his fucking words, he would not fall again for the fucking farce that was love. It was definitely not worth the pain and embarrassment that inevitably followed. Yoongi hated to be left to deal with those feelings, and the only way he knew how to deal with it was to ignore it.
So he was going to ignore it.
One year later~
Yoongi blinked the remnant of sleep out of his brain. “You what?” Hoseok didn’t even tell him ‘good morning’ before dropping his bomb. The nerve.
Hoseok had been waiting in front of Yoongi’s dormitory like most mornings, jumping on the ball of his feet in excitement. How someone could be so energetic before they’d even had breakfast was still beyond Yoongi’s understanding, after all their years of friendship.
“I said, it’s official, I’m dating Park Jimin. It happened yesterday evening, after dance class.” Hoseok clarified.
Yoongi couldn’t help but look around them to check if anyone had heard that, but the other students exiting the dormitory were as sleepy as he was. “Say it louder while you’re at it.”
Hoseok rolled his eyes and locked his arm to Yoongi’s, pulling him to the stone stairs that lead to the old refectory. “Hyung, I don’t care if people hear. They always end up knowing anyway.”
Yoongi made a face because he knew Hoseok was right. They had been in boarding since high school, and even if they were now in college, it was the same buildings, the same teachers and students, the same taste for rumors, and the same feeling of living in a microcosm where everything happened faster and more intensely than in a normal school.
Which lead Yoongi to his next question. He waited for them to reach the doors of the refectory and cautiously asked. “Are you sure about that? I mean, about him.”
Hoseok put himself on the tip of his toes to take a peak into the refectory above the little group of students waiting for tables to get free. “We shouldn’t wait too long today, hyung.”
Crap. He had not heard him. “Hoseok-ah, are you sure?”
Hoseok looked at him this time. “About?”
Hoseok frowned slightly. Almost with indulgence, because he knew the turn this conversation was going to take.
And really, they both knew, and Yoongi should shut his mouth and let it go right now, but he had never learnt how to shut it. “I think you’re crazy to date someone that young,”
Hoseok rolled his eyes and groaned. “There we go.”
“I'm just saying-”
“I know what you’re saying hyung. Please spare me, he’s only one year younger.” Hoseok turned to look inside the refectory again. “And he’s not like that.”
Yoongi sighed. True, Park Jimin was only one year younger, but Yoongi had seen him evolve since high school. He had never really talked to the guy, but he and his best friend Kim Taehyung had a reputation . They were young, immature, and overall reckless idiots in Yoongi’s opinion. School idols according to the rest of the students. Everybody knew them and talked about their latest exploits. Pranking teachers, sneaking out of the Life building at night, being top of their classes in PE. Yoongi didn't even know what was true and what was only rumors.
The fact that Jimin and Taehyung had entered the university part of the boarding institute now didn’t change much apparently. They still acted like foolish teenagers.
“Hoseok, seriously, you know what I mean.” Yoongi was frustrated; he didn’t know how to convey his point. “I feel like he doesn’t really know what he wants.”
Hoseok stared at him, and finally deadpaned “I'll pretend you didn't imply Jimin was dating me by mistake.”
Yoongi’s internal alarm set off loudly. Strategical retreat. “Because you know that’s not what I meant.” He was nudged from behind by another student who pointed to the inside of the refectory. Students were leaving one of the old long tables, so it was their turn to get in.
Hoseok walked in before him, put his bag on the floor and sat on the wooden bench. Yoongi sat next to him, to be able to talk with a minimum of (illusory) privacy. “Hoseok, you’re attractive, you make people around you laugh and stand closer.”
“Yeah,” Hoseok said as he grabbed the milk pitcher. “Keep flattering me.”
“It’s the truth though. It's only natural that anyone would want to date you, but Jimin’s young, it might be some… young crush?”
Hoseok put down the pitcher with a bit more force than strictly necessary, making drops of milk fly all around. “You know what? I don't want to justify myself. If all you’re gonna give me about this is negativity, let’s not talk about Jimin from now on.”
“Hoseok…” Yoongi bit his tongue. He genuinely said this out of concern for his best friend. He didn't want him to suffer like Yoongi had, just because a young attractive person who could have anyone had wanted to date Hoseok on a whim and for the wrong reasons.
Hoseok was one of the best dancers around the whole institute, he was damn attractive, had an easy contact with people, and his laugh was warm and made you want to stand closer. All the younger students followed him like baby chickens following their mother, and--
“Stop this. Whatever you’re thinking, hyung, stop. Jimin is a good person, and I trust him. It'll be fine.”
It was not fine, and Yoongi was about to start a fucking list of reasons why.
First of all, Yoongi missed Jung Hoseok. Not that he didn’t see him at all, they lived in boarding school so obviously he saw him. But they didn’t have alone time like before anymore. Because now, wherever he went, Hoseok brought Jimin with him. And wherever Jimin was going, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook would follow suit.
At the park during a break, around Hoseok’s bed at his dormitory, during each fucking meal... Hoseok even brought them with him to the music building, which was Yoongi and Hoseok’s sacred private place to study in peace, their prefered place to go when they didn’t want to look for a vacant study room after classes.
To say Yoongi felt uneasy was a sweet, sweet understatement. Because clearly, those three kids didn’t belong to the same category of people like him.
For starters, they were far from silent. They were wild, all over the fucking place. Hoseok was not exactly the discreet type either, but he had learnt to tone it down when he was alone with Yoongi, because Yoongi needed quiet moments, peaceful shared silence sometimes.
But those brats had no respect for their elders, and no matter how hard Yoongi scowled, they seemed immune. Or blind.
Also, Yoongi had to admit that when he saw Hoseok laugh with Taehyung and Jimin and Jungkook, he couldn’t help but feel out of place. It’s not that he never laughed or smiled, but he did it in private, with Hoseok or Jaebum or Namjoon. With people he knew. People who were not the fucking poster boys of their boarding institute.
They were like, the school idols. They had an aura around them, on top of being handsome, athletic, talented, they pulled everyone around in their orbit. There was even a member of the photography club who liked to deal pictures of those three idiots in compromising positions. Yoongi wouldn’t be surprised if there was a secret fanclub dedicated to them.
On the other side, Yoongi was a quiet person, average looking, repulsed by physical activity unless it was inevitably necessary, and because he always studied late at night, he had to wear glasses like the ultimate nerd cliché (that information was shared with a strict minimum of persons including Hoseok and his roommates since he wore contacts by day. Bless contacts.)
So yeah, he felt out of place. Hanging out with Hoseok had already seemed like a Beauty and Beast kind of contrast, but now?
He felt like shit. Like, more than usual. Because usually, he could ignore it, but since aforementioned brats were loud as fuck, it was a bit hard to ignore how much better they were than him.
Also, the pda. Jesus fuck, Yoongi knew Hoseok was demonstrative, always had been, but Jimin had nothing to envy him. In the privacy of the music building, an empty locker room, behind a curtain at the dorms, a tree in the park, they were constantly on each other, kissing and hugging and whispering sweet loving words, and Yoongi considered hanging himself with his uniform tie at least four times a day.
Yoongi missed his best friend, and all the time they used to spend together. Now, he spent more and more with Jimin. Which was natural obviously, to spend alone time with your boyfriend, at the beginning of your relationship. Except that as time went by, it only seemed to intensify between Hoseok and Jimin.
(“You know hyung," Hoseok said, "I’m pretty sure Jungkook and Taehyung would follow you in the blink of an eye if you said you wanted to play the piano in another room.”
“And why the fuck would I say that?”
Hoseok hummed. “So that they leave Jiminie and I alone?”
“Why do you wan- oh no." Yoongi made a face as he suddenly understood where this was going. "Dhut up. I don’t wanna hear it.”
Hoseok gave him a shit eating grin. “You’re the actual best hyung.”
Yoongi shivered. “It's not like I accepted or anything.”)
All in all, Hoseok started to spend more of his free time with Jimin, always asking Yoongi first until Yoongi told him it was fine .
“Please, don’t come every morning in front of my dorm just to ask if you can have breakfast with him. I’m not your fucking chaperone.”
Hoseok smiled. “I don’t want you to feel left out. Or lonely.”
And Yoongi knew that. Hoseok was so caring Yoongi often thought he didn’t deserve him.
“How adorable. I’m a big boy, mama, I’ll be fine.”
Hoseok snorted and nodded before leaving for the younger students dorms.
Yoongi loved the music building. For a reason he couldn’t fathom, it was rarely occupied by any student out of the music classes hours, even if it was right next to the Classes building. It was cosy and silent and had quickly become his favorite building in the Boarding.
The music building was small compared to all the others. The stairs were old and creaked under each step. The corridors smelt of dust and instruments were stored at every floor. The biggest ones on the first floor at the auditorium, the pianos on the second floor, harps and wind insruments on the third floor, where they usually went to study with Hoseok.
And the brats now.
Yoongi wanted to die. Taehyung and Jungkook were wrestling, apparently trying to kill each other for no reason, in a corner of the music room they had chosen in this beautiful end of afternoon. Jimin was almost sitting in Hoseok’s lap, kissing insistently on his neck, and Hoseok was trying to convey his thoughts to Yoongi in the least subtle way possible, opening his eyes wide and pointing at the two baby warriors on the other side of the small room.
Fuck his life. Fuck his fucking life.
He closed his book with a loud clap, and the two idiots stopped fighting.
“... I’m. Gonna play the piano in another room. So if you wanna come and lis-”
“Yes!” Taehyung scrambled to his feet so fast he almost fell face first on the ground. Instead, he stopped right in front of Yoongi, and when he raised his head, they were at the same level.
Because of course that insolent brat had to be taller than him. Fucking kids fed with GMO.
Taehyung stared at him, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights, before he cleared his throat and tried to casually put his uniform into order again. “Yeah, I mean sure, why not.”
Yoongi blinked and raised an eyebrow. As amusing as it was to see Golden Boy tripping on his own feet, he didn’t know Taehyung had such interest in piano.
Jungkook got up too, and they followed Yoongi in the corridor. Right before Yoongi closed the door, he could swear to God he heard Jimin moan . He started walking hurriedly to the the end of the floor before the need to burst his own eardrums got the upper hand.
Fuck, Hoseok owed him a solid one here. Why had he agreed to play babysitter again?
He chose the piano room at the exact opposite of the one Jimin and Hoseok were now. The rooms were soundproof, but better be safe than sorry.
He sighed, long and soft, before putting his book down, and opened the piano.
Playing an instrument had a lot of little rituals. For Yoongi, it was opening the piano lid, removing the long felt cover protecting the keys, folding it and putting it on top of the piano, then stroking the white keys, sitting on the stool and adjust-
“Hyung, can I sit next to you?”
Yoongi almost didn’t startle. Gosh, for once Taehyung and Jungkook were remarkably silent, and he almost forgot they were here with him. He looked up at Taehyung’s blank, but somewhat expectant face, and then at the piano stool he was sitting on. “It’s too small.”
Taehyung’s shoulders slumped a bit. He was about to back off when he looked at Jungkook, whose face Yoongi couldn't see.
Whatever face Jungkook made, it made Taehyung react though. “I-I’m sure we can fit together!”
And then, Taehyung had the audacity to nudge him and sit next to him. Yoongi looked at him, outraged, but Taehyung’s eyes were fixed on the piano keys. Fuck, that brat was annoying. And he had a gorgeous profile, but Yoongi was not going to give into such shallow things. Fuck.
“Fine! But don’t disturb me.” He glanced at Taehyung, and saw him smile to himself.
Fuck him. His smile was gorgeous too.
Yoongi took a deep inhale and started playing one of his favorite pieces, a ballad he had written last year. After someone broke up with him, as fucking cliché as it was. But he had never told anyone, and would take that information with him to the grave.
He tried not to be too self conscious of Taehyung’s presence next to him, of the way their legs had to be flush together so that Yoongi could press the right pedal with his foot.
He played it in loop twice and was relieved that when he stopped, neither of the two others tried to speak. He didn’t like it when voices and noises broke the pregnant silence that followed a piece of music.
After a blissful eternity, Taehyung opened his mouth and whispered “What’s it called?”
Yoongi frowned slightly. “Huh. I didn’t name it.”
Taehyung gaped. “You... made this?”
Yoongi tried not to look too content at Taehyung’s awed expression, and managed not to smile like it was no big deal. “Yeah.”
And then Taehyung unexpectedly leaned closer to him, invading Yoongi’s very sacred, personal space. He couldn’t help but lay back from Taehyung, and that was acrobatic considering how close he was to the edge of the stool. Still worth it, because having someone else’s face this close to his made his heart race in an unwanted way, and the beauty of someone else’s face had nothing to do with that.
Taehyung put his hand on Yoongi forearm, looking devastated. “But hyung, it’s… It’s so sad.”
Yoongi said nothing. Since he had composed it shortly after Jihoon had broken up with him, maybe it was sad. Sort of. But he didn’t understand Taehyung’s sudden attention for this, or even him. He looked at Taehyung’s hand on his arm, and Taehyung suddenly let go of him as if he had burnt himself. He went back to staring at the piano keys, dejected.
What was with this kid, today?
Yoongi sighed, and honest to god, he didn’t know what came over him, but he patted Taehyung’s arm and muttered. “It was some time ago. It’s okay now.”
He was sure Taehyung would snort and roll his eyes, saying he didn’t feel that concerned or anything. However, when Taehyung looked up at him, he smiled softly, quietly, and it made something stutter in Yoongi's chest.
“I’m glad if you’re okay.”
Yoongi froze mid movement. Why was Taehyung glad about that remained a mystery.
Yoongi went back to his dorm with a strange feeling of satisfaction. The massive bruise on Hoseok’s neck didn't even change his mood.
He was willing to admit Jungkook and Taehyung were not bad kids after a month of hanging out with them (more often than he had wished at first).
Jimin and Hoseok looked as disgustingly smitten as they did the very first day this all started. And as long as they stayed happy like that, it was worth playing babysitter for Jungkook and Taehyung. Maybe he could become friend with them?
Really, he was satisfied. Because he had managed to talk to people (Taehyung and Jungkook) in an almost normal way, about what he liked and what they liked and they didn’t seem bored. They had talked all together and it had felt good, and validating.
It was... almost too good to be true. Yoongi was staring at his personal armoire when his pessimistic nature kicked in. Why would Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook be interested in talking with him about piano composition? Yoongi was pretty sure they were more the 'muscles before brains' type of people. Yoongi had nothing interesting to offer them in return.
Perhaps Jungkook and Taehyung were making an effort because they knew they didn’t really have a choice. Because Jimin and Hoseok were probably going to stay together for a while, so they had to deal with their best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. Yeah, that made sense.
“Yoongi? Have you lost your key again?”
Yoongi turned his head to Seokjin. “What? No.” He fished his key out of his pocket and started opening the lock.
“So, what is it?”
Yoongi looked around them. It was nice to be among the oldest generations of students on campus because they got to sleep in bedrooms of eight or twelve. It was easy to check if anyone was there to eavesdrop, contrary to the huge dormitories of ninety people for the high school students, where privacy was a concept as amusing as two unicorns mating in the middle of the park.
“Nothing, hyung. I’m just spacing out. I spent the end of the afternoon babysitting Jeon Jungkook and Kim Taehyung, I’m exhausted.”
“Did you, now?”
“Yeah,” he opened the door to his cupboard. “You wouldn’t believe the ener-”
Yoongi’s sentence fell short as his eyes fell on a foreign paper that had been slipped into his armoire and had fallen on the top shelf. It was a letter. With a heart on it. A fucking pink heart sticker.
He closed the door of the cupboard as quickly as he could. But too late.
Seokjin started cooing. “Min Yoongi, a love letter-”
Yoongi made a constipated face. “This is not a love letter.”
Seokjin snorted. “Right, with the little hear-”
“This is not a love let-”
Seokjin raised an eyebrow, his resting bitch face on full display. “Was I done speaking?”
Yoongi gulped as he fell silent instantly. “No.”
“Then why did you interrupt me?”
“B-because I have no manners.”
Seokjin smiled sweetly and nodded, satisfied. He patted Yoongi’s shoulder and started again. “A love letter. I’m so proud.”
Yoongi groaned. "It's not like you wrote it..." but Seokjin was not listening as he was going back to his bed, way too happy about a letter that wasn’t destined to him.
Yoongi waited for Seokjin to leave for his evening shower, casually sitting on his bed after he had casually hung his uniform and casually changed into his pajamas, before opening the cupboard door in a hurry and retrieving that letter with the heart sticker mocking him.
I have something important to tell you.
Please meet me tonight, behind the music building around midnight.
I will be waiting for you.
Of course the letter was not signed. And Yoongi was curious. Not interested, because he had learnt his lesson last year after his last break-up, but he wanted to see the face of the guy who had dared slipping a letter in his cupboard with a actual glittery heart sticker on it.
Even if it was not his first time leaving the dorms after the curfew, it was still an effort Yoongi was reluctant to make. He managed to stay awake until it was a quarter before midnight. He slowly got up, careful not to trouble the sleep of his eight roommates, and put on a hoodie before slowly opening the bedroom door.
The large corridor was dark and silent. On one end, there was the main stairs, and the access to the younger students’ dormitories. On the other end, another flight of stairs, mainly used by the oldest students only. It was always safer to go this way.
Yoongi walked slowly, careful to stay in the shadows cast by the moonlight through the large windows in the staircase. He arrived next to the old morgue that was now a storage room for the art students, and continued to the hall that lead to the park. The doors were tall and heavy, and they always made an ominous sound when they closed at night, resonating under the high stone ceiling. Yoongi held the door to make it close as softly as possible before facing the park.
The park by night was kind of frightening. Not that he was easily frightened as a certain someone (he will always remember that time when he and Hoseokwent to the old cemetery at the end of the park at night; he had thought his best friend would never make it out alive). But the park was large, surrounded by huge dark trees moving with the howling wind. That always more impressive in the dark.
Yoongi shook his head and started walking. The music building was quite close, he could see it from where he was. It was always a bit scary to walk in the middle of the park after curfew, because there was nowhere to hide; he felt defenseless. He was just below the dorms’ windows, so anyone could see him. That is, if some students suddenly decided that it was a good idea to look out the window at midnight.
Still, he would rather focus on the sensation of his heartbeat getting faster as he got closer to the music building than on what was about to happen there. He didn’t know if he wanted to walk faster to stop feeling exposed, or slower because he had no idea of what to expect. Of who to expect.
As slow as he could be, Yoongi eventually made it there. He went to the back of the small building, and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a dark silhouette leaning against the wall, looking at the ground. Waiting for him.
It felt weird. Almost as if Yoongi didn’t expect someone to show up. The letter thing was so surreal, the park by night, the odd atmosphere… Yoongi took one more step, slowly, and that’s when the wind stopped blowing, and his step made noise with the gravel on the ground. He kept walking.
The silhouette turned on his heels, surprised.
“Ah! Hyung, I should have known you’d come from this side, of course.”
If Yoongi refused to believe his eyes, then the deep voice couldn’t be mistaken.
What the hell was Kim Taehyung doing here at this hour?
“Hum. I, I chose the music building because you like it. I know you like it.” Taehyung looked nervous even if he was trying to talk lightly. It was weird coming from the confident, impassive looking school idol. Taehyung was fidgeting with the hem of his oversized sweater, the wind was playing with his hair, and he looked out of place. But also not that much, because that brat seemed to look good in any situation.
Yoongi wondered if he had fallen asleep and had never left his bed, because the situation looked absurd. He kind of wanted to laugh nervously.
Somehow, it was hurting Yoongi already. Because it made no sense that Taehyung was the one waiting for him behind the music building.
Taehyung was probably used to Yoongi not speaking much, so he took one more step and invaded Yoongi’s very sacred and personal space, for the second time in the last twelve hours. “Okay, hum. Yoongi-hyung, I.” He took a deep inhale, “I like you.”
Yoongi didn't understand. This was definitely a dream. A weird dream he would have to tell Hoseok first thing in the morning.
“Hyung you… You don't need to answer now. I just, I really wanted you to know how, how I felt…”
Yoongi jerked out of his thoughts. His initial surprise made way to a strong reaction of self-defense. The situation was so preposterous it could only be a nasty joke. Fuck, that explained Taehyung's behaviour today, acting all weird and touchy, preparing the field for his prank…
Yoongi felt anger rise in him. He hated it when people thought he was an idiot. Min Yoongi was a lot of things, but he as not dumb.
“Is that funny to you? Who thought of that?” Yoongi looked around “Where are they?”
Taehyung’s eyes grew wide. “W-where are who, hyung?”
“Your friends? Oh wait, I don't care. I'll just go back to my fucking dorm now, you can still have a good laugh over the fact that I even came here tonight.”
Yoongi turned on his heels, ready to leave, but Taehyung suddenly grabbed his arm. Yoongi turned to stare at him murderously, but he wasn’t expecting Taehyung to look... desperate. Almost imploring.
“Hyung I… I don't understand, does that m-- is that a no?”
Yoongi felt something inside of him melt under Taehyung’s intense stare, under his gorgeous features which were looking at him, and him only. He was one of those magnetic people who made you feel important as soon as they laid their eyes on you, and right now he looked so sincere Yoongi was stunned for a second.
He steeled himself and got his arm back from Taehyung’s grip. “Of course it’s a no, I'm not stupid enough to fall for that.”
And if Yoongi saw Taehyung's face crumble and pain flash in his eyes right before he left him here to get back to his dorm, he put it on Taehyung's excellent acting skills and made a pretty good job at ignoring it.
Yoongi got back to his dorm, still trying to be as silent as possible. He threw his hoodie on the floor next to his bed and lay down.
He was furious. And he was not sure if it was against Kim Taehyung or himself.
He should never have gone there tonight. It was the most nonsensical decision he had made this whole year.
Min fucking Yoongi, there’s a reason why you swore not to get involved with stupid love stories again. There’s a reason why you’re trying to scare people approaching you, and you’re a dumb idiot for even taking the time to move your ass out of the warm sanctity of your bed and going there.
But… How long would Taehyung have waited for him? He looked kind of cold in his sweater with more holes than fabric. The wind was also blowing pretty hard tonight--
No. He was not going to pity Taehyung. How dare this insolent brat try to pull such a stupid (and cruel) prank on him? They did not belong to the same category, but Yoongi wouldn’t have thought Taehyung would go to such extent just for... For what, for fun?
Fuck, it didn’t make sense, Taehyung didn’t seem to be that kind of person, and Yoongi hated it when things didn’t make sense. Damn, it was frustrat-
Yoongi startled when he heard the whisper of his name coming from the bunk bed right above him.
“W-what?” He whispered back, carefully.
“You’re grinding your teeth again…”
Yoongi opened his mouth reflexively to unlock his jaw and was glad for the darkness in the room because he probably looked like a dead fish right now. “Sorry Kyungsoo. Go back to sleep.”
His roommate hummed and rolled in his covers.
Yoongi put his thumb between his teeth to prevent himself from grinding them again. It was useless to try making some sense out of Taehyung's whim. He didn’t even want to know the reason anyway. There was probably no reason.
He would show himself the same as ever tomorrow morning. Collected and unaffected by any prank.
Yeah, he was going to do just that.
Yoongi had a very firm acceptance of the fact that he was not a social butterfly who could charm people just by breathing.
There had to be every type of people in this world, and Yoongi knew he was not of those who were naturally appealing. He’d been attracted to that type of persons, like everyone. He had just been wrong to believe that someone like this could be attracted to him the same way.
When he had finally understood that, Yoongi had evolved into someone more rational (Seokjin and Hoseok would say “pessimistic”, but Seokjin and Hoseok were naturally shiny people, so they couldn't understand his struggle). Yoongi had simply come to term with the fact that he was not attractive, in the broad sense of the term.
Which is why he felt so defensive when Seokjin came to him during the next morning recess.
“Did you actually dump Kim Taehyung?”
Yoongi blinked. “How the fuck do you know that?” Yeah, where the fuck did that come from, it had barely happened the night before. Everyone was supposed to be fucking asleep at that time.
“Boarding radio. You know how fast things go in here.”
Boarding radio was a metaphor to talk about how quick rumors and private events would spread around the boarding at a surprising speed . Privacy was non existent,and it was almost impossible to keep anything remotely private from anyone. Even after years of living here, it was still somewhat magical that Seokjin would ask him about something that had happened in the middle of the park the night before.
Yoongi eventually shrugged. “Well, fanboys can be reassured then.”
Seokjin frowned a bit, and put his chin in his hand. “Did you actually make him cry, big bad wolfgi?”
“What?” Yoongi thought about Taehyung’s painful face when he had left him, but quickly shook his head. “No I didn’t? I just ruined his stupid prank, it’s not worth crying .”
Seokjin’s frown intensified. “His prank?”
Yoongi threw his milk carton in the trashcan a few meters from him. Three pointer. “And not a funny one at that. I thought everyone was over the 'let's make the ugly kid believe he has a shot with the school idol' kind of prank.”
“Oh my god, do you hear yourself talking?”
“I'm just being realistic. We're not in a romcom.”
Seokjin groaned. “Exactly, Yoongi-yah. We're not in a romcom.”
The bell marking the end of recess rang and saved Yoongi from a useless argument. They went back to their class in silence.
That's when Yoongi noticed that there was more eyes on him compared to early morning at the refectory.
He didn’t like that. He hated rumors, and he hated being the rumors’ topic even more. He wanted to remain a scary shadow in this boarding, someone people rarely talked about, and even less looked at or talked to. Someone whom people forget the existence of.
But today, Golden Boy had brought a bit of his spotlight on him.
Yoongi turned his head to see who had just called his name in a quite vindicating and informal way, and it was none other than Park Jimin.
Jimin came closer, looking determined. “Min Yoongi. Hyung. We need to talk.”
That brat was clearly putting a pause between his name and the honorific just to get on his nerves. And he was quite loud too; the other students were now staring at them shamelessly, as if Jimin's loud voice gave them the right to do so.
Yoongi also had the slightest birth of an idea of what the conversation was going to be about, if his conversation <ith Seokjin this morning was anything to go by. He sighed and pointed at the door leading to the park. “Let’s do that outside, if you will.”
They walked silently in the breeze of the afternoon. Yoongi could feel his heartbeat loud in his ears; he hated confrontations. But he was nothing if not a genius when it came to acting unconcerned.
He went toward the small amphitheatre from where he could see unnatural puff of smoke escape at the top. That meant some students were hiding there to smoke. Yoongi went under the stone construction instead, checking that no other clandestine smokers were there, and finally turned to Jimin.
Who was staring at him silently.
I hope this usually-obnoxious-brat doesn’t expect me to start the conversation.
The silence was getting on his nerves and his patience was already pretty thin, but he was going to let Jimin struggle a bit anyway.
Jimin seemed to fumble with his thoughts, before he remembered why he was here. “What the actual fuck, hyung?”
Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I feel like this should be my line.”
“Look, I know you’re not a people person-”
“When, in the fucking time and spa-”
“Did you really need to be so cruel?”
Yoongi paused. Now, that was rich. “I'm cruel?”
“Honestly, I tried to think of a worse way to turn down someone, but I couldn't find any.”
Yoongi scoffed. “You actually expect me to believe that Kim Taehyung was confessing his undying love to me yesterday evening?”
Jimin looked at him as if a third eye had popped on his forehead. “Of course he was! I spent hours convincing him to talk to you! What a mistake, if I had known you’d act like a complete jerk, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
Jimin looked too genuine to be lying. Now that Yoongi thought of it, Jimin was a kind person, from the little he actually knew of him. He wouldn't play such a dirty trick on anyone. And Yoongi kind of knew Taehyung was not the type to do that either.
Which meant... he had not been joking?
He had not been joking.
Shit. Kim Taehyung had actually confessed to him?
Yoongi felt his mouth go dry and his chest swell with something. He felt important, but also weighted. Scared.
And that’s exactly what he wanted to avoid. Feel important, because it was a fluke. Then, he would let his guard down and get attached and eventually get dumped when the other would realise they had made a mistake. He was too old for this shit (yes).
Yoongi took a deep inhale and closed his eyes. It was a fleeting crush. Now it made sense, and Yoongi felt the weight on his chest alleviate. “Don't worry. He’ll get over it faster than you think.”
Jimin snorted at that. “Yeah, right, you can count on that as much as seeing Namjoon-hyung sing la traviata in a tutu during lunch break.”
Yoongi had a crooked smile at the thought. “Don't underestimate him.”
Jimin was not amused. “Don’t underestimate Taehyung. He’s not going to give up on you.”
Great. A stubborn one. "Well. Maybe you should advice him to."
Yoongi tried to act unaffected but he was worried. Taehyung was charming, and funny, and interesting. Yoongi didn't want to grow too attached to him, but he knew he might. And eventually get dumped. Wash, rince, repeat.
“Hyung. You’d better accept the fact that he likes you and act like a decent human being from now on. Or…”
Yoongi raised his eyebrows, kind of amused by the cute threat. What a loyal friend, Park Jimin.
Yoongi looked at his watch, and said matter of factly. “You realize we only have twelve minutes left for dinner break, right?”
Jimin looked at his watch too, and groaned loudly. He was about to leave but turned again. “You should at least apologize to him. You broke his heart, I know you know how it feels.”
Jimin left quickly, so fast that Yoongi couldn't remind him where the fucking boundaries to respect were. Yoongi gritted his teeth, clearly unhappy that Jimin would bring up his past break-up with Jihoon when that event was meant to be fucking private.
He had lost his appetite now. Yoongi walked back slowly to the Studies building, opting for snacks at the vending machine by way of dinner. He didn't want to feel all the inquisitive eyes that would surely stay on him if he arrived at the refectory right after Jimin. Everyone knew Jimin was Taehyung’s best friend, and everyone probably knew what had happened last night already.
He went to his class and sat on his desk, munching on his cereal bar.
He went back through the event of the previous night and cringed. In the light of that new knowledge, Yoonngi realised he had really been a jerk with Taehyung. In his defense, his first, instinctive thought on all that was the prank option, and he may not be someone socially charming or funny, but he was not stupid. He would never let someone prank him and laugh at his expense without a fucking fight.
But now Yoongi realized Taehyung had probably been sincere. Taehyung was just too young to realize it was not meant to last, that he would get bored... but he was probably genuine about his feelings.
Yoongi sighed, and he looked at his half eaten cereal bar. Taehyung was not a bad kid, the same way Jimin or Jungkook were not bad kids. He deserved an apology.
Yoongi jumped off of his desk and exited the classroom to head to the dormitory building.
Now he needed to decide when to apologize.
The very next day, when the bell rang the end of classes, Yoongi got ready to leave quickly and head to the dormitories, as a way to avoid Taehyung. It felt inappropriate to see Taehyung in the corridors as Yoongi still had not found the time to apologize, and he wasn’t sure why but he kept avoiding Taehyung everytime he would catch a glance of his figure. Which didn't help with the whole 'apologies' ordeal.
But today, Hoseok was waiting for him outside his classroom.
Yoongi looked around to check if Jimin or Taehyung or Jungkook were there, but it was only Hoseok. "Hey."
“Hey. So," Hoseok put his hands on Yoongi's shoulders. "I know you're shit at dealing with stuffs like this, but you have to apologize."
Yoongi didn't dare pretend he didn't know what Hoseok was talking about. He nodded slowly.
Hoseok had a little smile. "He’s in the computer room. I told him to wait for you, so you go there and apologize.” Yoongi licked his lips, but Hoseok put his finger on them. “No. Sh. You do as I said.”
Yoongi whined. “I never said I wouldn’t. ” He was just not prepared to do it so soon, and was trying hard not to panic.
Hoseok knew him by heart though, so he started pushing him in the computer room direction, making big movements and talking to distract him. “Fantastic then, since we both agree, I’ll let you go there and I'll see you at dinner. Or maybe you want me to bring you somethig to eat at your dorm?”
"I. Uh. I don't know."
Hoseok smiled. "Yeah, don't worry, I'll do both just in case. Don't worry about this, and just. Be the decent human being I know you are, Min Yoongi. Tae is a good kid, he will accept your apologies."
"Maybe he shouldn't." Yoongi blurted.
"Nonsense!" They reached the computer room and Hoseok patted his back. "Good luck, make me proud."
Yoongi rolled his eyes but said nothing. Hoseok waved him good bye and gave him two thumbs-up before retreating to the refectory.
Yoongi took a deep breath and opened the door. When he entered, he instantly spotted the tall figure of Taehyung, and Taehyung looked up, scared and expectant at the same time.
Yoongi closed the door silently. This was awkward. He had to say something. “Hey.” Oh, fucking great.
Well, at least it was nice of Taehyung to answer him, after Yoongi had been a total jerk to him. Which reminded him. Apology.
“Hum so, Taehyung. I’m... really sorry. About the other night. You took me abit off guard and I... I didn't mean to hurt you. I really thought it was a joke.”
Taehyung looked at him expectantly, so much hope shining in his eyes, and that little thing made Yoongi melt again. “It was not a joke, hyung. I really meant it. Mean it. Present tense.”
Yoongi felt his ears spontaneously combust. “Yeah. I got it now. Sorry about the uh. Delay. I'm sorry. I was a jerk.”
Taehyung's smile got bigger. "I understand, hyung. Thank you for telling me, I know it must not have been easy.”
Yoongi tried not to make a face. Taehyung was ridiculously understanding, Yoongi thought he didn't deserve that much consideration.
Taehyung took a step in his direction and cleared his throat. “So, mh. You know I was serious. Did you... think about it?”
All Yoongi’s alarms set off. He sighed, distraught. “Taehyung… You can date almost anyone in this institute-”
“I'm not interested in anyone, though.”
Yoongi sighed but couldn't help smiling, flattered. Taehyung really had no shame. He sounded resolute and cheesy, and Yoongi couldn't help but find it cute.
But he needed to be firm and clear right now, because it would be even worse to give Taehyung any false hope. “I'm sorry Taehyung.”
Taehyung looked at his feet, dejected. Yoongi wanted to console him, but he reminded himself that Taehyung would probably be over him quickly after that. It was for the best to make a clean cut, right from the start. Taehyung had an idealized image of Yoongi. If he knew how he really was, he wouldn't be attracted to him anymore...
But then Taehyung looked up again, expectantly. “We’re still friends, right? I swear my feelings won’t get in the way.”
Yoongi blinked. They were not exactly the closest friends last time he checked. They had started hanging out together because Hoseok and Jimin had started dating and grew attached by the hips and-- yeah. But Yoongi wouldn't have gone as far as calling it friendship?
“Jimin’s always with Hoseok-hyung,” Taehyung pouted, before he shook his head. “I mean I'm glad for them! But now, there are so many times I'm alone because they’re both busy together…”
Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle. “I know. Don’t tell me.”
“We should support each other!”
Yoongi smiled. Taehyung was really something. “Eh. Why not.”
Yeah, why not? Yoongi might make a new friend, and Taehyung would probably realise it was better to have Yoongi as a friend than a love interest. And it was okay if they grew attached to each other, as long as it was in a friendly way. After all, Taehyung was a good person, like Seokjin or Hoseok (who were both his friends, as a matter of fact).
Taehyung beamed, and just for that, Yoongi was happy with his decision.
"Great, hyung! I'll come pick you up for breakfast at your dorm then!”
Wow, that was quick. “Huh. Are you sure?”
“Yes!” Taehyung seemed to suddenly realise something. “I mean, if it’s okay with you?”
Yoongi blinked. He didn’t expect Taehyung to ask him. “If you’re willing to deal with me in the morning, why not? Fair warning, I’m not completely human until I’ve drank my first cup of coffee.”
Taehyung chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”
And Yoongi wondered why he knew that, but it was probably one of those irrelevant pieces of information that was repeated among students during recess.
Yoongi had to admit it didn’t take much time for him to get used to Taehyung. He was waiting for Yoongi outside of his dorm or his classroom without missing one occasion, and Yoongi liked it when things beame habits. It used to be Hoseok, and if the Gwangju boy had not been his best friend for years now, Yoongi would have joked about how easily he had replaced him.
It felt nice to have someone looking for him at the end of classes, to expect him and grow confident in the fact that he would be there. To expect him to come and talk excitedly while they made their way for lunch, or dinner.
Taehyung gcame by Yoongi’s dorm every night after his shower, too. He always had something to talk about, and even if they had started to really hang out like that for two weeks, it already felt like a month because now, they were together almost all the time.
Yoongi could already feel how kind and genuine Taehyung was. It was even funny to see the contrast between what he had heard and seen about Taehyung (a charismatic, funny and collected guy everyone admired), as opposed to what he truly was (A dork. Kim Taehyung was a huge dork and Yoongi had started to burst into laughter more often than not because of his endearing dorkery).
Taehyung was like a magnet, shining with positivity. He made Yoongi think of Hoseok a lot, except Yoongi didn’t feel the same kind endearment towards Hoseok.
Especially not when Hoseok was looking at him with stormy eyes like he was doing right now. Yoongi didn’t get why he was the target of such a dark stare, when Hoseok himself had asked to study with him alone this afternoon.
Yoongi sat on a chair in the study room. He joked, “We don’t get to spend much time together lately, at least you could look like you wanted to see me.”
Hoseok sat next to him. He didn't look amused. “Hyung. What are you doing?”
Yoongi frowned. “ What? Right now?"
Hoseok whined. "You know what I mean!"
Yoongi shook his head, puzzled. "I'll need clarification to answer that question, Hoseok.”
Hoseok looked unhappy. “What are you doing with Taehyung?”
Yoongi had not seen that coming. "What do you mean, whar I'm doing? We're friends. We're just filling the gap our best friends left when they decided to explore new levels of intimacy together." He was trying to joke about it, but somehow Hoseok's question made him uneasy. “I don't understand why you're asking.”
Hoseok made a face, one that said he was embarrassed now. “Hyung... He just confessed to you, and you rejected him, right?"
"Yes, I did. I was clear on that."
Hoseok nodded. "Okay, but then, you're suddenly always found together. During all the breaks, at the study room, the dormitory, even the music building. Don't you think it's... awkward?”
Yoongi had not seen things like that at all. And it made him feel weird, because he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong. “It’s... It's not like we can’t be friends, just because I rejected him.”
Hoseok eyed him critically and Yoongi felt the need to justify himself. And when he felt like that, he often said really, really stupid things. “B-Besides, I'm proving a point, once he’ll know me, his puppy crush will vanish and everything will be fine again. Two birds, one stone.”
Hoseok grimaced and groaned.
“What?” Yoongi asked.
Hoseok shook his head. “This is all based on the fact that he doesn't know you, and that even if he did he wouldn't like you.”
Yoongi was puzzled now. “Well, yeah.”
Hoseok opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. “You’re aware I love you for who you are, right?”
Yoongi felt some heat rise up on his cheeks and mumbled. “It’s not the same.”
Yoongi wanted to tell him that romance and friendship were not the same, but he didn't exactly believe that one was more important than the other. He was also too emotionally constipated to lay his feelings bare like this, so he blurted the first thing that came to his mind instead. “We’ve known each other for so long, it’s almost a habit at this point.”
Hoseok blinked, before his surprise morphed into hurt. “So, I'd be your friend out of pity?”
Yoongi tensed. He really sucked with words sometimes. “That's not what I meant, Seok-ah. I'm so thankful for you in my life...”
Hoseok looked sad and... hesitant. Like he was worried about his next sentence. “Hyung... Ever since Jihoon broke up with y-”
“Don't." Yoongi shook his head firmly. "I don't wanna talk about this.”
“You never wanna talk about it, but you weren’t guarded like that before.”
Yoongi sighed, looking for a way to change the conversation. “Do you really wanna ruin the rare moments we spend together these days?”
Hoseok had a crooked smile. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?”
“Would that make you shut up?”
“Not in this life or the next.”
“Of fucking course.” Yoongi smiled, determined to ignore any bothersome conversation including Kim Taehyung or his ex. “Don’t worry Hoseok. I’m not playing with Tae. I would never. You can keep shoving your tongue deep down Jimin's throat with a full peace of mind.”
Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Your judgement flies so high above my head it’s gonna get burnt by the sun itself.”
Yoongi snorted and finally opened his textbook.
Taehyung opened his eyes wide. “Wait, hyung, you’ve been to the old cemetery by night?”
Yoongi smiled, amused. “You haven’t?”
Taehyung shook his face and squinted as he went back on his task of painting Yoongi’s face with white, cheap makeup. They were currently sitting on Yoongi’s bed, and even if it was not the most stable position, Yoongi was too lazy to go to the bathroom. Or on the floor.
Taehyung's tongue was poking on the right corner of his mouth. It was distracting. “Jungkookie did. Well, at least he says he did."
Yoongi snorted. "Knowing that kid, I wouldn't be surprised."
Taehyung hummed and his tongue poked at the corner of his mouth again. "We have to go together one day.”
“Yeah, when it’s not freezing outside.” Yoongi tried to repress another snort, because Taehyung’s brush was now very close to his eye. “Don’t put my eye out, uh?”
Taehyung smiled big and boxy. “You’d make a very sexy pirate hyung,” he said matter of factly.
Now Yoongi had to snort loudly. “This isn’t Halloween, Tae. Even if we’re supposed to be ghosts.”
In the beginning of December, on the date the Boarding was founded, the older students dressed up as ghosts after curfew, to represent the dead students of the past. Some of them had actually died during the flu pandemic of the last century, and had been buried in the little cemetery that was in the park.
Yoongi liked to talk about those dead students stories as much as possible before December for maximum fright effect on d-day. The face of the newbies when he woke them up in ghost attire was priceless.
But before that, the older students had to get ready, which is why Taehyung had joined Yoongi with his convenience store makeup palette. He was already makeuped himself, and really, it was unfair to look this good with such cheap white paint caked on his face.
Taehyung resumed his task of painting Yoongi's face, still smiling. “You can be a pirate ghost, hyung.”
Yoongi blinked before remembering what they were talking about. He rolled his eyes, but his lips stretched in a smile. “Are you done, ship’s boy?”
Taehyung chuckled and closed the makeup palette. “All done.”
Seokjin was about to exit the room, looking positively gorgeous himself, when he stopped to look at them. “I don’t know why you went through that trouble Taehyung, Yoongi's already pale enough.”
Yoongi mustered his most bored expression. “Ha. Ha. Ha.”
Taehyung said nothing, still looking at Yoongi fondly. Yoongi felt his cheeks flush under the attention. He always kind of blushed when someone was staring at him. He was glad for the white makeup covering that at least. “Let’s go scare some first years.”
Taehyung nodded, and they rolled themselves in white sheets before going to the youngers’ dormitories.
Their footsteps resonated in the big corridor, along with hushed whispers of other older students. Taehyung cocked his head to ask softly, “Maybe I can scare you, hyung?”
Yoongi shook his head, amused. “I doubt that. I’m not easily scared.”
“If I manage to scare you, will you grant me a wish?”
“What are you talking about?” Yoongi whined quietly. “If you don't manage to scare me, what do I get?”
Taehyung hummed. “I haven’t thought about it that far.”
Yoongi laughed, and couldn’t help but ruffle Taehyung’s hair. That kid.
One afternoon, when the sun had set early due to winter hours, Yoongi and Taehyung were pretending to work on whatever assignment they had to do for the following day. Taehyung was proving very unfocused though.
“I can’t wait to go back home for my birthday!”
Yoongi smiled, still looking at his homework. Taehyung was too excited, Yoongi knew that it was useless to try to make him focus when he was like that.
Taehyung leaned closer to Yoongi, reading above Yoongi's shoulder (something the older student loathed, but Taehyung didn't feel too invading). “Hey, hyung."
"Are you going back home for the holidays?” Taehyung asked with stars in his eyes.
Yoongi raised his head. “Nah, I don’t think so.”
Taehyung blinked. "Say that again?"
Yongi shrugged. "I'm staying here for the holidays."
Taehyung looked at him in disbelief. “For Christmas?”
Yoongi patted Taehyung's shoulder. “Hoseok’s staying too, don’t worry. It’s not like we’re locked up here, we can go out of the boarding much more often than usual.”
They had to buy their own food and deal with themselves, but really, Yoongi liked to spend his holidays like this. They were always good memories with Hoseok. Yoongi missed his best friend and couldn’t wait to spend all his time with him, whether it be in the quiet and deserted buildings of the school, or outside the boarding, in the city that was just a bus ride away.
"If Hoseokie-hyung stays with you, I guess it's fine..."
Yoongi chuckled. "Thanks for your concern, Tae."
"Of course, hyung." Taehyung hummed before he went back to his work. Yoongi smiled when he saw him push the tip of his nose with his pen like he always did when he focused.
“By the way, Tae, do you want something in particular for your birthday?”
Taehyung raised his eyes abruptly. “M-my birthday?”
Yoongi frowned. “Yes? You just said you were going back home for your birthday, so I guess it's soon?” Also, Hoseok had told him Taehyung’s birthday was on December 30th, and Yoongi had a very good memory with numbers. That’s why he had remembered it.
“Right. Yes. Mh.” Taehyung looked around them, and his eyes fell on the piano in the room. “The ballad.”
“The one you played one day, when we were here with Jungkook. The sad one you composed, the one that doesn't have a name.”
Yoongi felt his body tense, and willed himself to relax. “Ah, yeah. What about it?”
“You made it for someone… Right?”
Yoongi stared at Taehyung, and then at his paper. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Yoongi was aware Taehyung probably knew about his story with Jihoon, like pretty much the rest of the students here, but he still wanted to ignore the subject. It still hurt to think about it.
“T-That's okay, hyung! I just... Would you compose something for my birthday? Something funny and, and light?”
A few seconds passed, and Taehyung was looking at him expectantly. Yoongi smiled. He had not expected it, but it would be a good occasion to challenge himself. Light and happy wasn't his usual genre...
Taehyung opened his eyes wide. "Okay?"
"Yeah, okay. I'll compose something for you."
"Oh my god, hyung, thank you so much! I had so many arguments to convince you--"
Yoongi laughed and chose to not tell Taehyung he had actually considered composing something for him before Taehyung had asked. Taehyung had looked so fascinated the first time Yoongi had played for Jungkook and him…
Yoongi wouldn't have been able to make that kind gift on his own volition, but he was glad Taehyung asked.
“It’s not your birthday yet. You'll have to be patient.”
"Aye, aye!" Taehyung answered cheerfully.
He spent the rest of the hour giggling excitedly. Yoongi was happy a simple gift would have such a positive effect on Taehyung. He had to give it his best.
Taehyung waved Yoongi goodbye and left the elder's bed when they were told the curfew was coming. They started turning off the lights, but Seokjin kept his bedside lamp on and sat on Yoongi’s bed, right where Taehyung had been sitting a minute before.
“So. Are you two dating?”
Yoongi felt his jaw tense and he looked. “What?”
Seokjin had a soft smile. Patient, without a trace of irony. “Let me remind you that not so long ago, he was leaving love letters in your armoire. I just want to make sure.”
Yoongi didn’t understand why his love life seemed to be a valid topic of conversation. He was way too aware that their roommates had suddenly grown silent. He cleared his throat and said slowly, “No, we’re not dating, for fuck’s sake. We’re just friends, good friends.”
And he was glad for that, because Hoseok and Jimin were still madly in love, so he wasn’t alone. But obviously, it was not a matter of filling a void anymore. Yoongi genuinely considered Taehyung like an important friend, now.
They had become so close, their relationship had evolved a lot. And to be completely honest, Yoongi didn’t want to think about the beginning of their friendship, when Taehyung had claimed he had feelings for him.
True to what he had said, he had never brought it up ever since. So he had probably gotten over it.
“You look upset, Yoongi-yah."
“I look upset because I’m tired of people bringing up a fictional romance between me and Taehyung, it’s annoying.”
Seokjin looked at him for long seconds before he slowly nodded. “Okay. I won’t bring it up again.”
Yoongi grumbled a grumpy 'thank you' before rolling into his covers.
He didn’t manage to sleep before late into the night.
“What’s your favorite flavor for cakes hyung?”
Yoongi raised his eyebrows and smiled. “How subtle. It’s not like my birthday is next month.”
Taehyung gasped exaggeratedly. “Oh! Is it? I was not aware.”
Hoseok laughed. “Smooth, Kim Tae.”
They were sitting at one of the old tables of the refectory for lunch, and Yoongi was talking and laughing with Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyujng and Jungkook. It felt good to have so many people he felt at ease with around him.
Yoongi chuckled and went back to stab his beans with his fork. “I don’t like cakes, anyway.”
Hoseok raised an eyebrow at that. “Hum. Baloney, your honor.”
“Hoseok, you better shut your m-”
Taehyung slapped his hands on the table, staring at Hoseok. “Hyung I’ll do your laundry for a week.”
Hoseok gave him a shit-eating grin with a peace sign. “Two weeks.”
Yoongi gaped. “What the hell, are you seriously bargaining about my favorite flav-”
“Deal!” Taehyung roared, while Jimin was laughing so hard he disappeared under the table.
“Perfect!” Hoseok crooked a finger to make Taehyung come closer, as if he was about to give him an important secret. “He loves strawberry cakes.”
Yoongi made an outraged noise in his throat. “Don't trust him!”
“That's great hyung, I love strawberry cakes too!” Taehyung took Yoongi’s arm in his hand, shaking him excitedly.
Yoongi whined loudly, even if Taehyung's palm felt nice on his arm, so warm in the middle of winter. Which was probably why his cheeks felt hot too. Taehyung gave him attention and time and affection, and Yoongi was so happy to have him in his life.
“Why the fuck did you want to go to the Art room after curfew?” Yoongi whispered, annoyed.
Taehyung turned to him. “Because I’ve heard there was another secret passage leading to the steeple in the Art room.”
Yoongi groaned. “That again?”
"Yes!" Taehyung answered excitedly. "Come on, hurry!"
Yoongi had discovered that fascination Taehyung had for the school steeple a few days ago. From there, he had just been begging Yoongi to tell him everything he knew about it, since he had been a student there for longer than Taehyung.
And tonight, Taehyung had come to Yoongi's dorm after curfew (when Yoongi was this close to reach the deep sleep stage), pulled him out of his bed and held his hand for the longest and shortest thirty seconds of Yoongi's life.
Yoongi liked to complain, but he liked that side of Taehyung, the one that was excited about the steeple legends. Like the one saying that if you managed to find the secret passage leading to the bell and write your name on it, you were supposed to be granted good luck or whatever. Or the one that said if you happened to take the wrong passage, you could end up facing the founder’s ghost. If he was holding a cup of tea you would stay alive, and if he was holding a knife, you were dead.
Yoongi liked that kind of stories, even if he didn't believe them. It was pretty cool that the school was founded on the remnants of an old monastery. He had snuck out of his bed to visit the catacombs with Namjoon and Hoseok once (they had gotten caught with how loud Hoseok had screamed).
They finally reached the large Art room, and Taehyung opened the door. It was stuffed with art supplies, statues in the wall alcoves, large old armoires. Brushes and tubes and other art supplies were spread on the long wooden tables next to stained canvas and unfinished art projects.
Taehyung closed the door behind them, and the sound resonated too loud for Yoongi’s liking. If they got caught, they would get in so much trouble… “So, what now?”
Taehyung put his hands on the wall on his right and started touching the old stones. “Well, we look for the secret passage.”
Yoongi had a heartbroken sigh. The things he would do for Kim Taehyung, seriously.
He started walking towards the end of the room, not really keen on making a thorough search. But Taehyung liked all the mystic things like a child, and the buildings here were his favorite playground, so Yoongi was going to comply, at least just a little.
Yoongi was lost in his thoughts, fumbling with big dusty canvas piling up against a wall when Taehyung tapped on his shoulder. “Hyung.”
“Wha-- oh fuck!” Yoongi jumped out of his skin as he suddenly faced an ugly reproduction of a Japanese mask. He knocked down a whole bunch of art supplies in the process, making very loud noises.
Taehyung took off the mask and he was laughing silently, curled up on himself. "Your face, hyung!"
Yoongi slapped Taehyung on the arm. “Jesus fucking christ, Taehyung, what the fuck!” But Taehyung was still laughing, and Yoongi wanted to stay mad, he really did, but he definitely couldn’t.
Taehyung managed to breathe between hiccups of laughter. “You should have seen your face!”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, when suddenly he saw lights filter from the Art room door. Torch lights. The noise had alerted someone and they were coming to check.
Taehyung followed his gaze, before he took Yoongi’s wrist and pulled him toward one of the big armoires. He opened the door.
“Kim Taehyung,” Yoongi whispered urgently, “You’re not actually suggesting that we b-”
“No time!” Taehyung pushed Yoongi inside the armoire before joining him, and closing the door.
Cramped was an euphemism. Yoongi could already feel the birth of a cramp in his left leg, it was shaking.
“Hyung,” Taehyung whispered ever so softly against his face, “Lean on me. I can feel you shaking.”
And before Yoongi could answer (with the negative!), Taehyung pulled him against his chest, arms around his shoulders before they suddenly heard the room of the Art room open and someone stepped in slowly.
Yoongi tried to hold his breath, but quickly realised it was a stupid idea. So he started breathing as softly as possible, with his heart beating erratically in his chest. Yoongi wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid of getting caught, or the fact that Taehyung was so fucking close. Damn, he had to focus on breathing. Slowly, softly. Inhale, exhale.
Yoongi realised Taehyung's smell was familiar. Comforting. He felt himself relax progressively in Taehyung’s embrace.
The person in the room was inspecting around, but nor Taehyung or Yoongi could see where they were.
Yoongi became a bit calmer. And suddenly, he was aware of something tickling his nose on Taehyung’s sweater. He quickly realised it was one of those cuts Taehyung made in all his personal clothes. Yoongi could feel the warmth of his skin. He could feel the warmth of Taehyung all over, actually.
Yoongi suppressed a full body shuddered, but reflexively held Taehyung just that little bit much tighter. That’s when he felt Taehyung tense. It was barely noticeable, but they were so close that Yoongi could feel it.
Yoongi released his embrace as much as he could wihout moving to much. Shit, shit. Had he made Taehyung uncomfortable? He wanted to say sorry, but he really couldn't speak right now...
The steps in the room went back to the entrance, and the door closed. They heard the steps slowly draw away.
They remained silent. Yoongi felt like he could only hear his own breathing, and the loud beating of his heart in his ears. He licked his lips and whispered “Tae?”
Taehyung shivered as if he was cold, and murmured softly. “Let’s wait a second. Make sure they won’t come back.”
Yoongi nodded, and turned his eyes to look at Taehyung's profile. It was really dark in here, but somehow he could make the shape of Taehyung’s face very clearly.
Yoongi suddenly realised how fucking close they were. And just as suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.
Oh gosh. Was it just him or had the tension in this armoire suddenly reached a peak? Taehyung’s leg was between his, and their chests were flushed and Yoongi’s heart was beating so, so hard Taehyung had to fucking feel it. Taehyung’s breath was fanning on his face and his arms were still locked around his shoulders, and they were so close. Yoongi could crane his neck a little... just a little…
He could feel Taehyung’s breath on his lips, warm and almost wet. Yoongi's lips parted, and he didn’t know what went through him but he started leaning in to... kiss him. Kiss Taehyung.
Fuck, he wanted this.
“I think it’s okay now hyung, we can go out.” Taehyung whispered.
Everything went so fast after that. Taehyung pushed the door of the armoire and got out, and Yoongi felt dizzy, almost stumbled on his way out of the armoire, like he was in a wake dream.
Yoongi wasn't even sure how he reached his bed. Taehyung talked about how close it had been, that they probably should go back, and Yoongi had nodded mechanically, probably. They had gone back to their dorms, even if Taehyung had insisted on walking Yoongi to his door, waving at him before going back to his own dorm.
And all this time, Taehyung had smiled like he always did, carefree and unaffected.
Yoongi went to his bed, sneaked under the comforter and curled up on himself.
For the briefest moment, Yoongi had had the certitude that Taehyung would kiss him in that armoire, that it was meant to happen... and yet it didn’t.
Yoongi tried to swallow past the knot that had formed in his throat. Why would Taehyung have kissed him anyway? They were friends now.
But it seemed to finally hit Yoongi that maybe, just as planned, Taehyung had fallen out of love with him. And that he had not expected it as much as he had said.
After the Art room episode, Taehyung remained the same.
It was Yoongi who felt like something had changed, because now, he seemed to notice everything about Taehyung.
Yoongi wondered how he had spent months so close to Taehyung, not going crazy over how their hands touched so much every day, when they talked or fought or worked together, how their shoulders bumped when they walked side by side, how many times Taehyung gave him just the right amount of physical contact, just to not overwhelm Yoongi and make him crave for more.
Sometimes, they would stare at each other, as if they had silently agreed on some staring contest. Yoongi didn’t really mean anything by that, but… He felt like doing that. Their eyes lingered, and Taehyung would suddenly laugh that deep, unapologetic chuckle of his before going back to sniffing whatever he was eating, or sticking his tongue out while writing, because hey, he always did that too, and Yoongi had noticed.
He had noticed a fuckload of little details about Taehyung, and he reveled in those details, because they felt very private, very... intimate.
Yoongi liked Taehyung's warm smell, like the rain in the summer, his baritone voice that rumbled in the most amusing way with his Daegu accent, his square and honest smile that made everything pretty around, his surprising little quirks and his bottomless kindness.
Yoongi liked Taehyung more than you liked friend, and he should have seen it coming. He knew he would get attached; it was inevitable with radiant people like Taehyung.
What kind of fucking synchronisation, to realise he was falling in love with Taehyung at the same time he realised that Taehyung had probably been over him for months.
Yoongi was fucking late because his fucking teacher didn’t know how to fucking wrap things up. When he finally set them free, Yoongi threw his books in his bag in a hurry and got up, frustrated. He was supposed to meet with Taehyung in front of the music building, and he didn’t want to leave him waiting.
He dashed out of his class, ready to actually fucking run for Kim Taehyung (god, he was whipped for him), when he suddenly heard a voice behind himself. “Hyung?”
The voice calling him was definitely not any of the voices he might expect. It was softer, higher than Taehyung’s.
He knew that voice. He turned on his heels and felt rooted on the spot. “Hey, uh. Jihoon. What’s up?”
Since their break up, Yoongi had obviously tried to avoid Jihoon as much as he could, and it was not an easy feat considering where they were living. He had also tried to avoid the subject as much as possible with anyone. It required too much effort to act unaffected when seeing Jihoon laugh and eat and live so close and yet so far hurt so much.
But right now, Jihoon was talking to him shyly about a music book Yoongi had recommended a long time ago, and Yoongi realised it didn’t really hurt him. He didn’t feel the familiar burn of pain and longing that came with thinking about Jihoon or simply seeing him in the corridors.
“I’ve hit a wall hyung and… I have no idea who to talk to about it.”
Yoongi blinked out of his thoughts. He was so puzzled by his own feelings that he blurted. “Uh, okay, yeah, I get it. We can work on it together some time if you want?” After all, why not? Jihoon was an interesting person to talk composition with.
Jihoon smiled at that, and even if Yoongi recognised he was still beautiful, he also realised again that it didn’t hurt harshly like it used to. It was kind of like a healed scar, the sensitivity was still memory triggered, but it was soft now. Not burning.
Not intense and colorful like when he thought of Taehyung. Which was basically all the fucking time, because his mind was always full of him now. Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung. He expected him in front of his dorm every morning, after classes during recess. Yoongi didn't even wonder if they would have breakfast, lunch and dinner with him because it was just obvious. They hung out together in the corridor, in the music building, or on Yoongi’s bed before the curfew.
Taehyung had become something essential in his life, but it was so different from Hoseok. That's when Yoongi knew he was really, really fucked.
That night, Taehyung sulked, but Yoongi had no idea why.
Taehyung came by his bed like every night and lied down on his back, his head in Yoongi’s lap. Yoongi crossed his legs and sat more comfortably on the bed, Taehyung’s head nestled in the crook of his thighs. “What is it, Tae?”
Taehyung closed his eyes and pouted, shrugging. He crossed his arms. “Indulge me.”
Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “I asked you a question.”
Taehyung ignored him and rolled on his side and snuggled a bit more comfortably against Yoongi’s thigh. Yoongi felt like his heart was going to jump out of his mouth because it felt too big for his chest right now.
“Touch my hair hyung.”
Yoongi blinked. “What?”
“I don’t feel good, and when someone touches my hair it makes me feel better.” He opened his eyes, and suddenly the pout disappeared, and he looked serious and… troubled. “Please.”
Yoongi didn’t say anything, but after a few seconds he started patting Taehyung’s hair while screaming internally.
And he was shit at comforting people. “Erm.” Yoongi gulped, trying to look elsewhere but he was inevitably drawn back to Taehyung’s profile. “Do you… Do you wanna talk about it?”
Taehyung didn’t answer at first, but finally rolled on his back again. It was weird to look at him upside down like this.
“Hyung… We’re friends right?”
Yoongi snorted a bit too loud to be completely natural. “Of course we are.”
“Do you mind if we hug?”
Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “You back hug me all the time.”
“You never hug me back.”
“Way to be dramatic.” Yoongi looked at the bunk bed above his head. “Is that what it’s all about? Would you feel better if I hugged you?”
Taehyung nodded, and sat up before taking Yoongi in his arms. Yoongi tried to remind himself not to be as stiff as a plank and patted Taehyung’s back awkwardly. “There, there.”
They stayed like that for long minutes, and Yoongi tried to ignore the prying eyes of his roommates. Reassuring Taehyung was more important right now.
“Yoongi-hyung…” Taehyung whispered in his ear.
Yoongi felt his heart beat harder. “... What?”
Taehyung had a heartbreaking sigh. “You’re a terrible hugger.”
Yoongi slapped the back of his head. “You ungrateful brat.”
But Taehyung was giggling as he pulled back, and Yoongi felt better. He didn’t like it when Taehyung was troubled and worried. He wanted Taehyung to be carefree and smile forever, and he would probably do anything for that. He would hug the shit out of him to protect his smile, even if it meant risking a heart seizure each time they did.
“Tae, I won’t have dinner with you tonight, I’m helping someone with a project. Will you be okay?” Yoongi would rather ask first, because Taehyung had not looked all that great lately, and if he needed Yoongi to be there for him, Yoongi would ditch anyone and everything. (Yoongi didn't even try to lie to himself anymore and pretend he didn't have feelings for Taehyung. He was so royally fucked.)
Taehyung raised his head from his homework. “Oh. No problem, hyung. Do you want me to bring you something to eat?”
“Nah, that’s fine. I’ll just pick something up at the vending machine.”
Taehyung gave him a judgemental look. “Healthy.”
Yoongi snorted. “You have no room to talk, you fed yourself with instant noodles for a week.”
“It was a bet!”
Yoongi chuckled and went back to his own essay.
After a moment, Taehyung inquired, “Who are you helping by the way?”
"Mh?" Yoongi asked, focused on his work.
"The person you're helping with their project."
Yoongi was deep in his essay, and it took a few seconds for him to answer absent-mindedly “Uh. Lee Jihoon.”
Yoongi had written a few sentences of his assignment when he realised there was some noise missing in the room. Taehyung should have been grating his paper, tapping on the desk, humming to himself, whispering his answers. Yoongi raised his head, and as he thought, Taehyung was not doing all that. In fact, he looked frozen on his spot.
“Yes!” Taehyung startled.
Yoongi frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yes! Yes, of course.” He gulped, tugging at the corner of his workbook. “I didn’t know you were talking to Jihoon again.”
Yoongi felt his lips part, and something unpleasant in his chest. “Ah. Yeah. It’s been better, so...”
“Cool. Cool, that’s really cool, I'm happy for you, hyung.”
Yoongi felt uneasy. Why was Taehyung acting weird now? He didn’t know how to ask, the same way he felt useless when it came to comfort people.
Taehyung bit at his lower lip repeatedly, before he finally opened his mouth. “You know... I hope I'm still your favorite dongsaeng…”
Yoongi felt something hurt in his heart, like the snap of a rubber band against its tender flesh. Because Taehyung looked dejected, like the time when Yoongi had been a total jerk and harshly dumped Taehyung behind the music building by night and hurt his feelings. Maybe that's why Yoongi felt the urgent need to justify himself in a state of panic. Which never lead to anything clever.
“First of fucking all, Hoseok used to be my favorite dongsaeng, but you know what, he abandonned me for the d and I'm not even mad, so of course you’re my favorite dongsaeng, what are you saying now? You’re not an unfaithful hoe, but please don't tell Hoseok I said that. Bros before hoes, am I right? Seriously, we're always together, I should basically propose you at this point, that'd teach and Jimin Hoseok a lesson!”
Oh, my fucking god. Yoongi wanted to bang his forehead on the desk repeatedly. Just hard enough to lose consciousness, anything to stop feeling so fucking embarrassed.
However, a huge smile lightened up Taehyung's face, and Yoongi was ready to spurt an hour of nonsense like that if it meant that Taehyung would keep smiling so bright.
He pushed Yoongi on the shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll be waiting for the ring, honey . That diamond better be as big as an ostrich egg.”
Yoongi cringed and laughed at the same time. “Oh, sweetheart. I knew you were only interested in my money.”
Taehyung chuckled in delight, and the subject looked like it was forgotten. Yoongi sighed in relief.
The honey and sweetheart thing remained one of their favorite private jokes after that episode, and if any of their friends had noticed or wanted to interject, they refrained from saying anything.
Taehyung held his hand sometimes, looked at him with an exaggerated hooded stare and kissed his fingers lovingly, and it would take all of Yoongi’s willpower to staring back unexpressively before bursting into laughter and taking back his hands with a (fake) disgusted grimace.
Taehyung also slapped Yoongi’s ass in the corridor now, the way he did with Jimin and Jungkook. In those occasions, Yoongi ran after him to seek revenge. Many students turned and stared, but Yoongi couldn’t care less, because he was laughing with Taehyung and it felt great.
All in all, it was oddly satisfying to be able to flirt in a gross and humoristic way. It didn’t change much of their habits, and Taehyung still found himself on Yoongi’s bed every night.
Yoongi should have stopped this whole thing before, but he didn't have the strength to do so. He enjoyed Taehyung's affection, even if it wasn't... What he wanted in the end. He could at least pretend, here.
Taehyung sat so enthusiastically on Yoongi's bed he bounced twice. “Pet my hair, honey.”
Yoongi blinked, suddenly worried. “Are you feeling unwell again?”
Taehyung smiled softly. “Nah, I just want you to. Be a good husband, Min Yoongi.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes and pushed down on Taehyung’s shoulder to make him lay on his bed.
He liked combing Taehyung's hair with his fingers. It was like... Like knitting, or gardening. It was soothing.
Yoongi parted Taehyung's soft, honey brown hair in the middle and took a deep inhale before he started to tell Taehyung about his day. Taehyung had told him once how Yoongi's voice was making him relaxed and cottonny, like one of those ASMR videos Yoongi didn't know the existence before.
Yoongi had never mentioned it again but he had never forgotten. If he talked extra slow and low for Taehyung during those moments, it was not a coincidence. He just wanted to make Taehyung happy.
After a long, comfortable silence, Taehyung spoke softly. “Hyung.”
Yoongi hummed, still engrossed with Taehyung's silky strands.
“Where do you wanna go when we elope next week?” Taehyung asked.
Yoongi chuckled. “Because we’re eloping? That’s news to me. We wouldn’t make it very far, anyway.” And he looked around them to highlight his point.
Taehyung sighed loudly. “Dear gods, why did I marry the least romantic guy on this planet?”
“Least romantic?” Yoongi flicked Taehyung’s forehead. “I’m composing a ballad for your birthday, moron.”
Taehyung blinked. He looked genuinely surprised. “You're... You're doing it?"
"I told you I would, didn't I?"
Taehyung stuttered. It was adorable. "Sure! I mean, I didn't know so I thought maybe you had given up or something."
"Your lack of faith in your husband wounds me."
Taehyung snorted. "Yeah, well, I’ve seen no sign of this ballad and I’m still waiting. My birthday was months ago.”
“Those things take time, sweetheart. ” And really, it did.
Yoongi was a perfectionnist, especially when it came to music. To his music. And also to Taehyung, maybe.
But he was seeing Jihoon every once in a while, and they helped each other greatly. Taehyung’s ballad was almost done, and he couldn’t wait to play it for him.
Taehyung chuckled, and hummed low when Yoongi’s fingers inadvertedly brushed his forehead. “You can stroke my face too. I like it.”
Yoongi was glad Taehyung had his eyes closed, because his face was on fire now. And he was sure Taehyung could feel the tip of his fingers trembling when he started stroking his cheeks, but Taehyung didn’t make any comment on it.
That night, after all the lights were turned off, Yoongi actually wondered what place in their school would make Taehyung’s heart miss a beat. What would surprise him, what would make him smile excitedly. What would be a nice, fake-destination for their eloping adventure.
Even if it was just a joke between them.
“I found where to elope, sweetheart.”
Taehyung smiled as they started walking to the refectory. “Now that’s what I wanna hear, first thing in the morning.”
“We should go on the roof.”
Taehyung looked at him curiously. “The roof?”
“Yeah.” Yoongi casted a glance at Taehyung, who was looking at him expectantly now. It was always gratifying to have Taehyung’s undivided attention. “It’s pretty easy to access it from my side of the Life building. I know Seokjin-hyung’s done it before.”
They were still in the corridor of the older students dorms and all the doors were opened in the morning. Taehyung rushed into the first room on his left, earning unhappy protests from the people roomming there. He looked by the window, and Yoongi looked at him, impossibly endeared.
“Hyung!” Taehyung run back to Yoongi, his excitement breaking the ceiling. “You can actually access the roof from your part of the dorm, why didn’t you tell me earlier!’
Yoongi smiled, satisfied with his effect. “I never thought about it. But Seokjin-hyung told me you have the best view on the moon, and if you’re feeling audacious, you can even walk to the end of the building and reach the steeple from there.”
“The steeple? The steeple?” Taehyung screeched. Yoongi knew which buttons to push to make Taehyung’s eyes full of stars.
“Yeah. It’s not really a mysterious secret passage like you wanted but-”
“It’s the best honeymoon destination ever.” Taehyung suddenly hugged Yoongi in the middle of the corridor. HE hugged him tight, without restraint, as if he couldn’t contain his happiness. “I knew you had a hidden romantic in you.”
Yoongi closed his eyes and inhaled Taehyung's smell, trying not to smile too big. Because he shouldn't let himself feel so much just about hugging Taehyung, about making him happy.
When Hoseok came to talk to him during the morning recess, it felt almost foreign. Yoongi was glad for their years of solid friensdhip. Hoseok was still the same, and Yoongi quikly fell back into their old routine.
“Hey Seok-ah, what’s up?”
“Not much. Hey, wanna come grab something at the vending machine with me?”
Yoongi blinked. “... Sure.”
That was their code for ‘I want to talk about something private, and I would really appreciate it if everyone around was not brought up to date at the same time’. Everyone ended up speculating wildly, but at least they tried to keep it as private as possible.
Hoseok bought a chocolate snack bar at the machine before lying against it, next to the wall. “How have you been lately?”
Yoongi wondered if that had anything to do with what Hoseok wanted to talk about. “Good? Really good?”
Hoseok nodded slowly, pensively. “People say you’ve started hanging out with Jihoon again.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I’d call hanging out. We’re seeing each other after classes like, once every week? At the music building, to work on our respective compositions.” Taehyung’s ballad to be very precise. Which made him think he should probably name this one. Taehyung would like it.
Hoseok looked at him pensively. “You look better.”
Yoongi shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling bad.”
Hoseok smiled knowingly. “But it’s the first time in two years we’ve been able to talk about Jihoon without you closing up like a clam.”
Yoongi gaped“Oh." Damn Hoseok and his ability to tune in with people. "Yeah, you're right.”
Hoseok pinched his lips between his lips, and Yoongi already knew he wasn't going to like the next question. “Are you... having sex with him again?”
Yoongi was puzzled. “What? Whom?”
Hoseok raised an eyebrow. “Jihoon. Some people say they saw you banging in one of the music rooms.”
Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose. He wondered what he hated more, that students gossiped about real things, or imaginary things. “What a fucking load of bulsh-” Wait. Who had heard about this rumor? “When did you hear that?”
“Yesterday evening, before dinner. A seventh year said he had seen you together.”
“Fucking fantastic. Did huh…” Taehyung. Yoongi feared that more than anything. “Did Jimin hear it?”
Hoseok looked at him silently again, and fuck was he quiet today, it was almost eerie. “He did.” Yoongi opened his mouth, but Hoseok continued. “And Taehyung did too. Do you know what he said?”
Yoongi’s heart was beating way too fast for something that was supposed to be a casual conversation between two friends about another friend . Really, that was unhealthy. He shook his head slowly because he had no idea what Taehyung might have said, and Hoseok continued.
“He said he didn’t care, because you were married and he trusted his husband.”
Yoongi sighed in relief and felt his lips stretch into a smile. Of course he would say that.
“Yoongi... what the fuck is happening?”
Yoongi opened his eyes wide. He had not expected Hoseok’s reaction. “What do you mean?”
“You told me you had been clear with Taehyung! That's not being clear at all!”
Yoongi looked at his best friend, dumbfounded. “I was clear!”
Hoseok shook his head. “Look, I said nothing for the honey-baby-sweetheart-whatever thing, but seriously. This is going too far, you’re gonna break his heart for real.”
Yoongi snorted. Oh the irony. “Hoseok, he’s over it. I know for sure he only has friendly, platonic, safe feelings for me.”
Taehyung didn’t love him anymore. Not after everything they had shared. Taehyung knew who he really was, how lame and difficult he was everyday, and Yoongi had a stubborn, blind disbelief anyone could be romantically attracted to that.
He knew Taehyung was a devoted, thruthworthy friend. But that was the extent of it.
Hoseok looked at him like his hair had turned pink. “He’s over i-- Yoongi, are you really that fucking blind ?”
And that’s when the bell ringing the end of recess resounded. Hoseok threw his snack paper in the bin, frustrated, and started walking back to his class. Yoongi held his wrist. “W-wait, what do you mean blind, what does that mean?”
Hoseok shook his head. “Just. Don’t play with him, okay? I know you care about him.”
Yoongi wanted to tell Hoseok how unfair it was to dump that on him and not explain. He wanted to make Hoseok spit whatever it was he had wanted to say by that.
But Yoongi wasn't sure he was ready to hear it.
“Hyung, can you wait for me in front of the refectory? I have something to do before dinner.”
Yoongi wanted to know what it was that Taehyung had to do before dinner, because he knew for sure it was not any of his extra curricular activities with Jungkook or Jimin (he had memorised Taehyung’s timetable a few months ago already). But he wanted to act unaffected and cool and collected, so he simply nodded. “Okay. Don’t be too long, I’m hungry as fuck.”
Taehyung dashed out of Yoongi's class and Yoongi sighed before collecting his stuff. He cleaned his desk, packed his schoolbag and headed to the refectory alone, hoping that he wouldn't wait more than fifteen minutes (he would wait forever for Taehyung, but he was still hungry).
But Taehyung must have hurried a lot because Yoongi saw him waiting in front of the refectory when he arrived. “Well, that was quick.”
“Didn’t want to keep you waiting, honey.”
Yoongi instinctively smile but instantly tried to suppress it. He liked that game and those stupid pet names, but at the same time he felt the claw of guilt grip at his chest. Hoseok had told him not to play, and maybe he was right. “Okay. Mh. Thanks.”
Taehyung didn’t notice his weird smile. He sounded more excited than usual while eating, and was now bouncing in the stairs as they made their way up to the dorms.
“Oh by the way Yoongi-hyung,” Taehyung started as they reached the top of the stairs, “I won’t be able to come to your dorm tonight.”
Yoongi felt a wave of disappointment and relief wash on him. Hoseok’s conversation had really given him mixed and complicated feelings. “Okay.”
“I have a test I didn’t prepare for so, yeah.” Taehyung giggled.
Yoongi frowned. It didn’t sound like Taehyung to study last minute. It didn’t exactly sound like him to giggle like that either. “Uh. Well, good luck for your test then. See you tomorrow?”
Taehyung giggled again. “Sure hyung. See you tomorrow.”
Yoongi squinted because this was definitely suspicious, but he didn’t add anything and walked to his dorm.
However, Yoongi got the answer to all his questions when he opened his armoire.
There was a letter on the top shelf. A letter with a pink, glittery heart sticker on it.
Yoongi felt something heavy drop in his chest. He grabbed the letter and shoved it in his the pocket of his uniform before going to the bathroom. He locked himself up and let his back slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
For a minute, or an hour, he stayed in the cramped space, his heart racing and the letter burning in his pocket, against his palm. He took a deep inhale, took it out and opened it. Before even reading the words, Yoongi recognized Taehyung’s handwriting.
“I have something important to tell you.
Please meet me tonight, on the roof around midnight.
I will be waiting for you.”
Yoongi’s heart was now beating so hard it hurt his chest. It couldn’t be real. Holy shit, it couldn't be real. Where had he fucked up? Had he lead Taehyung on?
Don't play with him.
Yoongi started to panic. He really had to stop this. He had nothing to offer to Taehyung, nothing. And he didn’t want Taehyung to discover that, and eventually realise he had made a mistake.
He had feelings for Taehyung but could not act on it. Because it always ended up the same way and he didn’t want that to happen.
He didn’t want to lose Taehyung. That simple idea terrified him. He couldn’t bear Taehyung leaving him too, he was too important, too fundamental in his life.
Yoongi didn't know what to do, so he decided to adopt the behaviour he always had when facing something too difficult.
He was going to ignore it.
Everyone in his dorm was asleep, but Yoongi couldn't sleep. He couldn't.
Yoongi had no idea how Taehyung had made it to the roof, but he knew he had managed. There was nothing Taehyung couldn't do if he set his mind to it.
The green, glowing numbers of his alarm clock were taunting him. Was Taehyung there already? Perhaps. Probably.
Taehyung couldn’t like him. Still like him. It didn’t make sense, and Yoongi didn’t want to play anymore. It was probably just a joke, to continue their husband and husband comedy.
“Hyung… We’re friends right?”
Of course they were friends. Good friends. Yoongi would trust Taehyung with everything. He would say he had fallen asleep, or that he hadn't seen the letter.
They had spent so much time together. Taehyung didn’t like him. He knew him for real, he couldn’t…
But what if?
Yoongi sat up on his bed, and looked at the alarm clock.
Yoongi knew. He knew Taehyung was waiting for him. And yet he was sitting in his bed, incapable of moving. Because he was a coward.
He didn't deserve Taehyung. Didn't deserve his feelings. Taehyung couldn't love him, he couldn't.
Taehyung was probably looking at the time now. Waiting for him.
Something was burning in Yoongi’s eyes, and he pressed his palm on them. He was letting Taehyung down, he was the worst fucking person.
There wasn’t much wind tonight. Yoongi hoped Taehyung was wearing his new sweater, the one he had not cut yet.
Yoongi wondered how many minutes it would take for Taehyung to realise that Yoongi wouldn’t come. After how many minutes he would give up on this, give up on him, and go back to his dorm. How he would feel.
Yoongi was a fucking mess.
It was all a joke. It had been too far. He couldn’t keep going with it and nourish false hopes.
Except he didn’t know if he was talking about Taehyung’s hopes or his own.
Yoongi had set his alarm earlier to get prepared and head to the refectory before anyone. Maybe he was unable to escape the boarding, but he could at least try to avoid Taehyung. Until he knew what to do. How to act.
But falling asleep around four in the morning had prevented him from hearing his alarm clock, or being concerned with his roommates waking up, getting prepared and leaving the room one by one.
It was blissfully silent again, and Yoongi was about to fall back asleep when someone shook him softly.
Yoongi hummed and groaned before snuggling deeper into his comforter.
“Yoongi-hyung. You’re gonna be late.”
Yoongi suddenly snapped back to reality and sat up like a spring. Taehyung was sitting on his bed, and for long seconds, they stared at each other.
Taehyung looked tired. Cautious. Almost wary. He opened his mouth to say something, but Yoongi got up like a spring to take his uniform off the hanger, and after a few seconds Taehyung took that as his cue to leave the room. Yoongi started dressing up in a hurry. He hated the part of him that wished Taehyung was waiting for him on the other side of the door.
And as a matter of fact, when Yoongi got out of his dorm, disheveled and his uniform thrown on quickly, Taehyung was waiting there.
“Hey.” Yoongi couldn't look at him in the eyes, because of all the fucking guilt. This was fucking terrible. He started walking to the refectory, but Taehyung grabbed his arm.
Yoongi ignored the knot in his throat and blurted in his flattest tone. “What is it?”
He was being a fucking jerk again. He knew what Taehyung was about to say, but he was acting as if he ignored it.
“You didn't come to the roof yesterday evening. The moon was beautiful, like you said.” He tried to smile, but the corner of his lips fell. “I… I waited for you.”
Yoongi had planned to answer something along the lines of falling asleep before the set time, but that last sentence... The ‘I waited for you’. It carried so much hope, so much importance and affection that Yoongi suddenly got terrified.
“Tae, wasn’t it a joke? The little petnames and wedding cake and honeymoon, it’s all a joke, you understand that, right? It’s not serious.”
Yoongi wanted to take it all back the second he had said it. A fucking foolish part of him hoped hoped hoped that this would end well. That same part that had hoped for Taehyung to wait for him in front of his dorm door. The one that was disappointed when Taehyung said he wouldn’t be able to come by his dorm in the evening, the one that wanted to kiss him in an armoire of the Art room.
That part of him simply wanted to believe that Taehyung could love him, and also wanted to love Taehyung back freely.
But he couldn’t say it. Because there were too many painful emotions on Taehyung’s face for Yoongi to decypher, and it hurt.
Yoongi did what he excelled at: he acted unaffected, and started walking to the stairs.
Taehyung didn’t follow him.
Yoongi managed to avoid Taehyung for the day, and it wouldn’t have been truly possible if Taehyung hadn’t made sure to avoid him too.
Just thinking about that felt horrible. Taehyung had avoided him.
The day had passed so slowly Yoongi was pretty sure it was one of Dante’s circles of Hell. He didn't even know how he reached his dorm after ignoring all the meals of the day, but he was now staring at his armoire, taking off his uniform and thinking he wouldn’t be able to endure that for the rest of the year. He was considering moving to another school. Or another country, he was not picky.
Yoongi closed his eyes. He hadn’t even finished unbuttoning his shirt. He had slept for three hours the previous night, he hadn’t seen Taehyung the whole day and he felt like he could break down any second. He just wanted to tell everybody to fuck off and go to sleep.
But this was Seokjin. And the day he would tell Seokjin to fuck off was definitely not this one. “Yes.”
“Someone wants to see you.” Seokjin answered softly, as if he already knew how bad Yoongi felt. He probably did.
Yoongi looked at the door. Park Jimin was here, and he looked ready to tear anyone’s face apart, but specifically Yoongi’s.
Yoongi looked at his roommates who were either looking at him or Jimin, and sighed.
He barely made it to the large corridor when Jimin grabbed his shoulder and made him face him. Everyone could hear or see them, but apparently Jimin didn’t care, and deep down Yoongi didn’t care either. He had hurt Taehyung. He deserved to be told off by Jimin. Hell, he deserved to be punched in the face.
Jimin looked even more pissed than the first time he had talked to him about Taehyung. “Stop playing with him. Right fucking now. “
“I'm not playing.” Yoongi muttered.
Jimin was fuming. “How the fuck can you say that? You lead him on, acting all lovey dovey and suddenly you push him away again? What kind of asshole does that?”
Yoongi felt like he was caught in quicksand, slowly sinking in. “Me. I'm that kind of asshole. I made a mistake Jimin, but he's better off without me.”
“How many times are you trying to break his heart exactly?”
“I didn't-- it’s, it’s complicated.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“I just wanted to be his friend!”
Jimin fell silent, and eyed Yoongi critically. “You know what? I'm calling out this bulshit. You obviously like him more than a friend but you’re scared.”
Yoongi snorted. And when he opened his mouth, he heard his fucking voice waver, and he broke down. “Of course I’m fucking scared. You said it yourself, I'm an asshole! What do you think I can offer Taehyung in a relationship? Nothing! His love is wasted one me!"
Jimin blinked as he looked at something behind Yoongi. He focused back on him, sounding much calmer. "That's not true, hyung. Taehyung's love has changed you so much in the span of a few months."
Jimin's balance didn't help making Yoongi feel more stable. "Yeah, and for what? Me being a fucking coward and letting him down, hurting him again. I fucking told you, he's better off without me."
A hand gripped Yoongi's shoulder from behind. “Maybe you should let me decide that for myself.”
Yoongi startled when he heard that baritone voice behind him, and his heart froze painfully. He couldn’t turn to look at him. He was rooted on the spot and wanted a train to roll over him right fucking now.
Jimin took a step back, and another, and finally left before Taehyung replaced him in front of Yoongi.
“I was looking for you, but you weren't on your bed…”
“Why,” Yoongi made a strangled sound. “Why would you…” He felt bare, even more than usual under Taehyung’s intense stare. Like fucking day one. "I hurt you. I let you down."
Taehyung took one more step closer. “I love you.”
Yoongi's breath stuttered. He was overwhelmed. "You don't. You don't really, you can't. You can't love me."
Taehyung gritted his teeth and grabbed Yoongi by the arms. “I've been in love with you for two years, hyung. Two years! I've always observed you from afar, I've wished I could gather the courage to talk to you, always pushing it to the next day. I've watched you get your heart broken, seeing you shrivel up without being able to do anything because I didn’t dare approaching you. I know you way fucking more than you think."
Yoongi was trying to keep his resolve unwavering, but he was overwhelmed with what Taehyung was telling him. He couldn't believe someone as fantastic as Taehyung could... love him. How could he? "Why?"
Taehyung took a step closer. "Hyung... The six last months spent with you were the most beautiful time of my life. Every day was just making my feelings for you stronger. You're an amazing person, Min Yoongi."
Yoongi shook his head, but he didn't dare tell Taehyung he was wrong. It was not Taehyung's fault if Yoongi’s self confidence in regards to relationships was so fucked up.
“Hyung," Taehyung whispered, so close to him he could have been hugging him. "I’m gonna shower you with love, so much that you won’t remember anything else inside of you.”
Yoongi couldn’t push Taehyung away any longer. He was tired of always denying himelf happiness, but more than anything, he wanted Taehyung to be happy. They both wanted this… Yoongi's heart was love-starved and he craved Taehyung’s love.
Taehyung carefully wrapped his arms around Yoongi, and Yoongi let his head fall in the warmth of Taehyung’s neck. He clung onto the back of Taehyung's sweater and tried to suppress a sob.
Taehyung stroked his hair. “I know you love me, hyung. You wouldn’t be that upset if you didn’t.”
Yoongi nodded. But Taehyung deserved to hear it. More than anyone, he deserved that Yoongi bared himself from his stupid guard and made himself vulnerable. He whispered with a broken voice. "I love you."
Taehyung sighed, and it sounded like relief. He held Yoongi a bit tighter and rocked him softly.
After a moment, he sighed loudly. “You hurt me last night. You really are stubborn. Aah, I guess I just have to make you understand how much I really love you.”
He squeezed lightly and Yoongi didn't say anything, but he nodded to show he was listening.
Taehyung turned his head to whisper in Yoongi’s ear. “Thanks, hyung. Thank you for letting me love you this time” He was brushing his nose in Yoongi’s dark, untamed hair, and Yoongi could hear the soft smile in his voice.
Yoongi took a deep, shaking breath before he whispered against Taehyung's temple. "I don't deserve you... But I'll do my best." Yoongi still couldn’t believe it. It was too good to be true, and when a good thing happened, it was his first instinct to shut that down and walk away.
But for Taehyung, he would be honest. He would try his best, every day.
One of Taehyung’s hands managed to snake up to Yoongi nape, stroking his neck. “I love you so much… Just the way you are. Trust me .”
There was a very long time of silence, and then a simple nod from Yoongi. Because yes. He was tired of fighting himself. He would trust Taehyung with everything, and even if Taehyung ended up leaving him… Fuck it. It was life. But it was so worth it.
Taehyung giggled silently, but Yoongi could feel it against his chest. Taehyung kissed his temples, his hair, anything that would come in his mouth’s reach.
Something in Yoongi's chest was about to explode. Perhaps his heart. “W-wait, Tae.”
Yoongi took a step back. He avoided Taehyung's eyes but grabbed his wrist. He pulled him behind himself as he made a beeline to the bathroom. He looked around and chose into an empty shower stall before going inside and closing the curtain behind them both.
Taehyung looked at him, dumbfounded.
That was it. He had to show Taehyung he was willing to make things work between them. He whispered. “Let’s... do this right. Okay, yeah.”
And fuck, Taehyung’s smile was definitely worth the current embarrassment. “‘Okay, yeah’? I hope you’ll be more eloquent on our wedding day, honey.”
Yoongi tried to gain a bit of his self confidence back. “I thought we were already married.”
“Well.” Taehyung pressed him against the shower wall and lowered himself a little. “We never got to seal the deal with the mandatory kiss.”
Taehyung was smiling the second before, but right now he was staring intensely at him, and once again, Yoongi felt bare. But he was willing to be bare under Taehyung’s eyes.
They stayed like that for long seconds, until Taehyung’s eyes dropped to Yoongi’s mouth for a second, and Yoongi’s eyes caught the movement of his adam’s apple as he swallowed.
And suddenly, it occurred to him that despite all his confident words, Taehyung probably needed reassurance too.
Yoongi could give him that. He put his hands on Taehyung’s chest before fisting his sweater slowly, and he leaned up to touch his lips. Taehyung took a short inhale, shoked for a short moment before he started answering the kiss.
Yoongi could have cried right now because Taehyung was soft and warm and felt so fucking good against him. Why the hell had he waited for so long to make a move on him?
A voice which suspiciously sounded like Hoseok whispered in his head Min Yoongi, you really are a dumbfuck.
Another year later~
Yoongi felt his grip on the top of the wet shower wall slip slowly. He wanted to tell Taehyung, to warn him that he was about to fall, but at the same time he knew that if he opened his mouth now, it would only be a loud concerto of moans in G minor.
His legs were wrapped around Taehyung’s waist and Taehyung was holding him by the ass against the wall, spreading him wide open so that Yoongi would sink on his cock as deep as possible. Oh fuck he was about to--
“Shit shit shit, yes, Tae, fuck I’m--”
Taehyung knew he was vocal. He reacted quickly and latched his mouth onto Yoongi’s to silence him, because even if he had moaned between his teeth, the first students of the morning were probably about to come in the bathrooms too.
Taehyung suddenly thrusted harder, and Yoongi gave up on holding the shower wall to wrap his arms around Taehyung’s neck, right before his orgasm hit him like a whip, a hot wave spreading from his lower belly to the rest of his body. His toes curled viciously as his orgasm pulsated through his whole body, at the same time he felt Taehyung’s cock twitch inside his ass.
Bless Taehyung and his athletic abilities. Bless the Golden Boy, bless the morning showers, bless life. Yoongi chuckled, completely high on oxytocin. Taehyung joined him, laughing softly against his neck as he pulled out and carefully let Yoongi down.
“Can you stand, honey?”
“Shut up," Yoongi whispered, "of course I can stand.”
Taehyung laughed again and gave a light slap on Yoongi’s ass. “Better safe than sorry.”
The fucking nerve.
Yoongi barely had time to put his bag down and sit on the floor that Taehyung was straddling him and kissing him, soft and needy at the same time.
“Mh.” Taehyung answered, too busy opening the first buttons of Yoongi’s shirt, just to have access to his collarbone and suck another mark there. Yoongi would lie if he said that the sensation didn’t make his toes curl every fucking time.
“I thought you were supposed to work.” Yoongi managed to mumble.
“‘N look tyou, distracting mh…”
Yoongi gasped and slowly threw his head back. “We literally had sex less than twenty four hours ago, what’s with you…”
“It’s been a year Tae.”
“And I’m still into you like the very first day, honey.”
What a year indeed. A year to learn how to trust again, to get familiar with a new kind of intimacy, to discover Taehyung even deeper (in every meaning of the term). Today, Yoongi felt like the luckiest man on the planet. Taehyung had been right, he had loved him relentlessly until Yoongi could not doubt him for a second, and naturally let go of his last shreds of reluctance. Until he loved him back so openly it made Taehyung himself blush sometimes.
Yoongi bit back a moan when Taehyung sucked on the dip right above his collarbone.
“Hyung," Taehyung nibbled on Yoongi's ear, "play ‘The Moon has a date with the Sun’ for me.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, but at this point there was very little thing Yoongi would refuse for Taehyung. He got up when Taehyung got off of him, and opened the piano. Took of the felt cover, stroke the white keys, and Taehyung sat next to him.
He smiled and started playing the first ballad he had composed for Taehyung the one he had promised for his birthday and had delivered soon after they had started dating. It was a sweet melody that moved their hearts and made them feel happy and content.
Taehyung put his right hand on the keys and played some of the harmonies with Yoongi. Yoongi’s heart swelled with affection every fucking time Taehyung did this.
Because exactly like with his heart, Yoongi had let Taehyung in, had learnt how to harmonise with him until the melody, even if not perfect, was the most delightful Yoongi had ever lived.