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First Threesome

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River sat at a table at the Moulin de la Galette, a guinguette in Montmartre in 1889. In front of her was Missy. Missy's hand gripped a glass of guinguet. Her right hand held on to her device, aimed at River, waiting to kill her. Behind Missy and in front of River was the TARDIS. The Doctor came out of his TARDIS. He left as soon as Missy proposed a threesome between the two of them; he was panicked over Missy's proposition.

River showed no emotion at the table. It took a fateful last—well, in the Doctor's timeline, anyway—encounter and twenty-four years to confirm what she should've known ever since she met the Doctor. And could speak to him, since the first time they met could have been the day her ganger met him on Demons Run. River knew the Doctor wouldn't leave her alone with Missy to her death. It was only a matter of time before the Doctor would return to the table.

And return the Doctor did, armed with a weapon he had taken from Jack Harkness years ago: Jack's sonic blaster. He hid it in his pants as he sat at the table. After he sat down, he aimed the sonic blaster at Missy.

“Guinguet, Doctor?”

“No, I don't want any wine. Drop the gadget, Missy.”

“Doctor, I'm not going to harm River. You know the terms. Me, you, her, inside your TARDIS. No one's going to die unless you consider le petit mort a death. Unless you do want to die, Doctor. I've killed you before, in a way.”

“Yes, I know. It was one of the worst regenerations I've ever had. Thank you, Missy.”

Missy laughed. “I've been a corpse that's been burned alive, silver goo, and in some strange damaged blonde form. I've been in worse bodies than you've ever been. You always managed to get actual bodies. As for little old me? Sometimes I scrounged around to find a body.”

“But you always managed to find a body.”

“I'm not dying until you die. I'm taking that promise to my final grave. But enough of this morbid talk. I liked the blonde you regenerated into. You know, the one dressed up like a cricketer?”

“Yes, I know. You liked to manhandle me when I was blonde. A lot. But back to the question at hand. Why are you aiming your gadget at River?”

“So she doesn't run away from our ménage a trois.”

“It's okay, Doctor,” River said. “I want to do this.”

The Doctor blinked. “What?”

“I want to have this threesome with Missy.”

The Doctor shook his head. “I know you've told me you've had relations with Missy before, but--”

River lowered her voice for the Doctor. “Doctor, you and I are both attracted to Missy. And she's both attracted to us. But the TARDIS is apprehensive of Missy. I don't blame the TARDIS. I'll make sure she doesn't do anything to the TARDIS before she leaves. I'll even talk to the TARDIS before we start.”

“If anything happens to the TARDIS because of this, you're repairing her.”

“You may not want me to repair the TARDIS. I might fix her so she can perform better than you've ever tried to fix her in the past.”

The Doctor scowled at River.

River shrugged. “Doesn't seem like you've made any improvements on her as of late. I can hear you still have her brakes on. You know she doesn't like her brakes on.”

“I like the brakes on. And they're going to stay on.” The Doctor turned to Missy. “I accept your proposal. But don't try anything funny, Missy. On my count of three, I'll put away the blaster if you'll put away your gadget. If you shoot River, I'll shoot you.”

“But you'll know I'll come back.”

“Yes, I know, you'll always come back until I'm dead. On three. One, two, three.”

The Doctor put the blaster back in his pants. Missy put away her device in the skirt of her dress.

When the Doctor was certain Missy had put away her device, the Doctor stood up. He offered one of his hands to Missy and the other to River. Both women took the Doctor's hands. The Doctor lead the women into the TARDIS.


River, Missy, and the Doctor stopped s soon as they were inside the TARDIS.

“River, you said you'd talk to the TARDIS about this arrangement,” the Doctor whispered in River's ear.

“Ooh, what are you telling--”

The Doctor turned to Missy. “It's not for you to hear.” His tone to Missy was stern.

“I've got this, Doctor. Don't worry.” River walked towards the TARDIS' console. Once she was at the console, River said “May I see the voice interface?”

The TARDIS voice interface appeared as Clara, dressed in a jacket, a blouse, a skirt, black tights, and high-heeled, ankle-length boots. The voice interface showed Clara with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. “Voice interface enabled,” the interface said in Clara's voice.

“The Doctor asked me to talk to you about Missy being inside the TARDIS.”

“The Master once trapped this TARDIS into a gravity bubble.”

“Yes, I know.”

“The Master once used this TARDIS to harness the power of the Eye of Harmony.”

“Yes, I know. I know everything that has happened between the Master and you. I know you don't want Missy inside of you.” River walked to the hologram of Clara and leaned into the hologram's ear. “But I need Missy inside the TARDIS right now. The Doctor is going to remember fragments of a sexual encounter between the three of us. The Doctor might not remember everything about the encounter, but there's no way I can prevent it without destroying the fabric of time.” River stepped back from the hologram and spoke in her normal tone. “Will you allow Missy into the TARDIS this once, without ejecting her in some way?”

“I will allow Missy into the TARDIS for this sexual encounter.” The voice interface, still scowling, disappeared.

Missy grabbed the Doctor's hand and pulled him toward the TARDIS console. She had a huge grin on her face. “You two will be crawling for hours after I'm done with you.”


The TARDIS created a special bedroom for River, Missy, and the Doctor. The bedroom's walk-in closet aided River and Missy into taking their clothing off, since they were wearing more layers of clothing than the Doctor was. The TARDIS, knowing River was also carrying her mnemosine recall-wipe vapour, created a discreet hiding space for the vapour to hide it from Missy and the Doctor. And there was the bed itself, an all-white bed—white canopy, white frame, white sheets, and white pillows—big enough to fit all three of them.

When the three of them were naked, they walked into the bedroom together. They stood at the front of the bed for a moment. Then Missy spun River around, moving her and bending her over the left side of the bed. “Let's show the Doctor what we've been doing while he wasn't around. Show him what bad girls we are.”

River felt a hand smack her right buttock. Then her left. Another hand, lightly rubbing her stomach. Missy wasn't the type of person to do light touches on the stomach. The light touches surprised River at first. Then she felt nails scratching her stomach. The Master conditioned River to get excited for a shag by spanking her and scratching her before sticking his fingers in her cunt. The Masters River knew were who Missy channelled in the present to put on a show for the Doctor.

Missy continued to move her hands down River's stomach while spanking her. River gasped with every stroke of her nails against her stomach. Every incarnation of the Master she knew intimately knew what she liked. Every incarnation of the Master knew River longed for praise. Missy was no different.

“Yes,” Missy said under her breath. “Show him. Show him how wet you get for me.”

River's eyes grew wide. Indeed, she was getting wet. The spanking was relaxing the tension in River's body. The spanking, as well as Missy's fingering, made River want to fuck Missy and the Doctor. And envisioning fucking the two of them turned River on even more.

“How are you doing this, Missy? Most of the time she protests whenever I try to dominate her.”

“I know how to train people to do as I say. You know what I say: 'I am the Master, and you will obey.' I should change that. 'I am the Mistress, and you will obey.'”

River gasped. She felt Missy's finger circle her clit. River couldn't think of anything other than “this is good.” She couldn't verbalize it. River expressed how she felt in pants and sighs and by rocking back and forth over the bed. Panting, sighing, and rocking allowed River to show Missy and the Doctor how much she liked Missy stroking her.

Missy's finger slid inside River. River stammered as the finger went in and out of her body as fast as Missy could slide it in and pull it out. River responded by gasping. She shuddered as Missy slid her finger out of her. River was used to the Master flipping her over, holding her down with his weight, teasing her until she begged him to do more to her. Unlike her other incarnations, and especially in front of the Doctor, Missy didn't tease River. River knew Missy had two other people to tease until they wanted her to fuck her this time.

River heard a sucking sound. “Delicious, isn't she, Doctor?”

The Doctor said nothing.

“Turn over, River.”

River did as Missy said, noticing Missy's grin and wild, unfurled hair in the process.

“On your knees.”

Missy walked towards River as she kneeled. She put her cunt in River's face. “Eat me.”

River licked around Missy's cunt, taking in Missy's scent. Taking in Missy was a lot more work than taking in the Master's cock. The Master who went by Harold Saxon really liked River sucking his cock, as he'd often perform irrumatio with her. River wondered if Lucy was subjected to the same treatment Harold Saxon gave her. She was convinced Harold Saxon didn't thrust into Lucy's mouth the way he did River's, but River would never know for sure. Missy refused to tell about her sex life with Lucy; she still hated Lucy for damaging the Harold Saxon body. But River didn't mind eating Missy out.

Missy's taste reminded River of copper. It reminded River of what Missy delighted in when she wasn't engaged in a threesome with the Doctor and herself. Chaos. Death. Maybe Missy liked a bit of blood spilled from time to time. But River delighted in Missy's taste. She couldn't get enough of it. She knew the Master's flavour varied depending on what incarnation she was shagging. Sometimes the Master was pleasant to take in her mouth. Sometimes the Master was unbearable to have in her mouth, and it took all of River's strength not to retch all over the Master's cock, only to have the Master punish her as he saw fit. With Missy, though, River wanted to stay between Missy's legs for a while and enjoy her flavour. But she knew Missy wouldn't allow her to stay between her legs and eat her until she came. Missy was the one in control in this bedroom, and she was going to retain control for as long as her body allowed her to stay in control.

“You're thinking about something,” Missy said. “You're better than this, River. Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking about. Circle my clit. Show the Doctor what a bad girl you are, how you've been cheating on your husband with me.”

River grabbed Missy's arse and put more of her into her mouth.

“Ooh, saucy. I bet she doesn't grab your arse the way she does with me.”

“She does. But it's been a while.”

“What do you mean 'it's been a while?'” Missy gasped. River stirred something up inside of Missy.

“The last time I saw River was before I regenerated, on Trenzalore. I spent time with her whenever she was around and I wasn't defending the town of Christmas.”

“Have you been rubbing it out alone in the corner, thinking about how you might never see your wife again? Or have you been shagging Clara?”

The Doctor didn't say anything. Missy laughed. “I don't blame you. She still blames me for killing her boyfriend, but once you get her going, she doesn't stop. Just like a Terminator. And when she comes...” Missy's moans filled the bedroom. “Does she moan like I do?”

The Doctor continued not to say anything about Clara in River's presence.

“She does moan like I do.” Missy laughed again. “She's wonderful, isn't she?” Missy grabbed River's hair and pulled River off of her cunt. “Enough,” she said to River, scowling. “Let's work on the Doctor. Look at his cock. I think his cock is scared of us. It's still hiding in his foreskin.”

“I'm not finding you bossing River around sexy,” the Doctor said.

“Lies,” Missy hissed. “You like it. You're trying to resist, Doctor. Stop it. We're going to make you hard.”

“Shouldn't we grab him already and throw him on the bed?” River asked Missy.

Missy squealed. “That's my girl.”

Missy and River pushed the Doctor onto the bed. River bypassed the Doctor's cock and started licking and nibbling the Doctor's stomach and just above his cock. River always found the Doctor's skin tasted sweeter than the Master's skin. Maybe it was because of their different body chemistry. Maybe it was because one was more chaotic than the other.

River heard sucking noises, followed by some satisfied moans coming from Missy. She was sure Missy was sucking the Doctor's cock.

“Missy.” The Doctor was moaning. “You're still as good as I remember you were at this.”

River looked up and saw the Doctor moving his fingers through Missy's hair, as if to tell her to continue what she was doing. His face conveyed equal amounts of shock and pleasure.

Missy pulled River's hair again. “Look at the Doctor's cock. What do you see?”

River grinned. “He's still a grower.”

Missy nodded. “Just like how I remember him. What else?”

“His tip is still hiding in his foreskin.”

Missy laughed. “The Doctor's too timid to meet us.”

“I am not timid,” the Doctor said.

“We'll see about that. Make him harder, River. Make him bigger. Make him want to stick his cock inside both of us. Show me how you suck the Doctor's cock when I'm not around.”

River moved her body towards the Doctor's cock. She grabbed the Doctor's cock with her left hand, moving it up and down on the shaft. The Doctor shuddered, then moaned. River put her tongue on the tip of the Doctor's cock as it was coming out of the Doctor's foreskin and licked around it, slowly. She made sure to cover every groove of the Doctor's tip, right down to the warts at the base of the Doctor's tip. Once River developed a rhythm between her tongue and her hand, she looked up and met the Doctor's eyes. The Doctor's mouth was ajar. His eyes widened. “Yes, River,” he said. “Like the way you fucked me before.”

River's tongue was tired of licking the Doctor's cock. “That isn't the way I fucked you before.”

The Doctor blinked. “What?”

“Missy said to show her how I sucked your cock before you regenerated. I was licking your cock. Now I have to show her how I suck your cock.”

Missy laughed. “Silly Doctor.”

River put her mouth over the tip of the Doctor's cock and began sucking him. The Doctor's precome tasted of raspberries and rum to River. Then again, gases in space tasted like raspberries and rum to River. In her timeline she knew that this Doctor tasted just like the Doctor before him, having taken him in her mouth often in her twenty-four years on Darillium. River thought maybe, sometime after Trenzalore but before Darillium, the Doctor tasted differently. To River's delight, the Doctor still tasted the same.

The Doctor liked what River was doing. River could hear him moan and say “Yes, River” over and over. But he was showing how much he was aroused by River's actions. River could feel him stiffening in her hand, the veins becoming more prominent around his cock. Whenever she took her mouth off of his cock, she could she the Doctor's tip coming out of his foreskin. The Doctor was still emitting precome. River greedily lapped it up.

Once he was erect, the Doctor stroked his cock. “All right, Missy. I'm erect. How are we doing this? Who do I enter first?”

Missy pointed at the Doctor. Her hair had gotten wilder ever since the threesome began. “You're staying where you are. River's going to ride your cock. I'm going to sit on your face. I bet you missed me sitting on your face. I hope your tongue is still nimble after all these years.”

“I'm guessing you want to come on the Doctor's cock before he gets to come,” River said.

Missy nodded.

“Good. I like tormenting him.”

River spread apart her cunt lips. She noticed she was very wet at this point. River assumed it was because she couldn't wait to ride the Doctor. She guided herself onto the Doctor's cock, facing the Doctor. Meanwhile, Missy lowered herself on the Doctor's face. The Doctor tried to protest: “Missy, I've never done this before with you--”

“Just do what you do with River. But better. You know my demanding standards, Doctor.”

River lowered herself on the Doctor's cock. She gasped. She wasn't surprised by how this Doctor felt inside of her. This Doctor was inside of River a lot on Darillium. She felt this Doctor filled her up without stretching her too much, and she loved it.

Missy's face scrunched up as the Doctor began to lick around and in her cunt. River could sense Missy losing her composure; she thought Missy enjoyed the pleasure the Doctor was giving her. But Missy's scrunched face didn't last for long. She straightened her face up and grinned. “Good Doctor,” she said, stroking his breasts. “Eat up.”

River moved herself up and down on the Doctor's cock slowly. She looked down and watched the Doctor's cock disappear inside of her. River grinned at the sight. She panted as she rode the Doctor's cock, moving it around so it would hit her G-spot. She felt tension building in her stomach. The tension expanded through every limb in her body as she continued riding the Doctor. And River loved every moment of it.

“Rub your clit, River.” Missy tried to fight the pleasure she felt in her body in an attempt to continue to control the threesome. Missy wasn't touching her own clit while the Doctor performed cunnilingus on her.

River decided to do what Missy said. She felt like she was coming soon anyway. Putting her right index and middle finger together, she stroked her clit up and down diagonally, from a southwestern point to a northeastern point. She closed her eyes and focused on the tension building in her body. She focused on the intensity she felt in her clit. She focused on the intense feeling she felt in her stomach. She heard herself moaning. She started softly. Then she heard herself growing louder and louder. She came the way the Doctor knew her to come, screaming. She sat on the Doctor's cock and felt her legs shaking as she came. Once she knew her body was done with its orgasm, River pulled herself off of the Doctor's cock.

As soon as River was off the Doctor's cock, Missy grabbed her, turned her over, and pushed her onto the bed. Missy hopped off of the bed and pulled River closer to the lower edge of the bed. “Doctor, behind me, inside me, now.”

The Doctor took Missy from behind as Missy stroked River's clit. River's clit was still sensitive from stimulating it earlier. But River was used to the Master stroking her clit, giving her a bit of a rest before fucking her and making her come a second time. Missy fell in line with the Masters before her. River panted as Missy stroked her clit for a few minutes.

Missy lowered her face onto River's cunt. River could only see Missy's wild hair bobbing between her legs and Missy's hands grabbing her arse and hear her humming in delight. But River could sense what Missy was doing. Missy alternated between licking around and on River's clit and darting her tongue inside River's slit, just the way River liked to be licked around her cunt. River felt the tension build up inside of her again. She grinned, relishing in the feeling again.

River could also see the Doctor thrusting into Missy's cunt. He couldn't believe he was inside Missy. Yet the Doctor enjoyed the sight of fucking Missy and seeing her fuck River. River liked what she saw as well. She moaned, louder and louder, unable to verbalize how she felt and what she liked about what she saw in the moment.

Missy made River come first. River heard Missy moaning inside of her cunt. River knew Missy was on the verge of coming. Missy wanted to speed up River's orgasm. She licked River's clit as fast as she could and started sticking her middle finger inside of River. River could feel and hear herself coming again. After River once again proclaimed her orgasm to Missy, the Doctor, and the makeshift bedroom, Missy removed her face from River's cunt. Her face was flushed. She was sweaty. She was moaning. Missy wasn't attempting to guide the threesome any more, and she wasn't in a place to taunt River or the Doctor. All she could say was “fuck” repeatedly.

Almost at the same time, the Doctor was grunting and moaning in pleasure. The look on the Doctor's face suggested to River he was about to come as well. River rolled off the bed when she noticed the Doctor looking like he was about to come.

River knew Missy came when she shouted, in typical Missy fashion, “I'm coming, Mummy!” It was a crazy thing to say in the heat of the moment after an orgasm, but then again, Missy was crazier than her previous incarnations.

The Doctor gripped Missy's waist as he was thrusting inside of her. River noticed Missy was quiet and still. Her orgasm was strong enough to shut her up and stop her from moving for a moment.

As the Doctor was about to pull out of Missy, River grabbed the Doctor's hand. “No. Come inside her.”

The Doctor blinked. He widened his eyes. “Why?”

“I want to taste you both. Together. The flavours of both of my lovers, united inside of her.”

The Doctor nodded. “As you wish, River.”

The Doctor grunted as his seed came out of him. He took his hand and rubbed out the rest of his seed on Missy's cunt, moaning and grunting as he finished. River caught some of the Doctor's seed on her tongue as it dripped out of and off of Missy. River licked the rest of the Doctor's seed off of Missy's cunt. She could taste the Doctor's sweetness and Missy's tartness as she worked. River though the flavours of the Doctor and Missy complimented each other. No wonder why they liked fucking each other.

Missy hummed as River ate her out. “Did you get it out of me?” Missy sounded tired, and she sounded like she was surprised she was tired.

“I'm done, Missy. All of him is out of you.”

“I need sleep. You both wore me out.”

“Sounds like a good idea, Missy. I'm tired too. River, do you need a nap?”

“Sweetie, you know I like to find any excuse to cuddle beside people, even people as evil as Missy.”

“Let's get to bed,” the Doctor said. “Please don't try to kill each other.”

Missy crawled into bed. She was low on energy, but she managed to put herself between the Doctor and River as they flanked her left and right side, respectably. She wrapped her arms around their waists and squeezed their arses as she fell asleep. Missy squeezing River's arse was the last thing River remembered before falling asleep.


River awoke first in the white bed. Both the Doctor and Missy were still asleep. Missy was still grabbing River's arse. River woke Missy up. Missy woke up stunned. “Did I tire myself fucking to the two of you?” River thought Missy sounded as if she was still tired from the threesome.

River nodded. “Yes. You were grabbing my arse after we all fucked each other.”

“I don't know what got into me.”

“Maybe the guinguet makes you horny.”

“Maybe it does.” Missy grinned.

“I'd like to talk to you at our table at the Moulin de la Galette,” River whispered.

“Why?” Missy whispered. “I'm up for another round. This time my goal will be to make you crawl everywhere you go.”

“The threesome was fun, Missy, but I want to do something else with you and only you.”

“Just have the TARDIS make us another room. We can fuck while the Doctor sleeps.”

“I think the Doctor might find some way to overhear us if we stay in the TARDIS. Let's go outside, get some fresh air and some guinguet.”

“I could stand to get some fresh air. Let's go.”


River and Missy put back on their dresses. They put their wild hair back in place the best way they could. Afterwards, they went back to Missy's table at the Moulin de la Galette. Missy poured the two of them more guinguet.

“I ran into a planet known as Arda. It's very much like Tivoli. The natives want people to rule over them. I was thinking we could spend a year as co-dictators of this planet during the day and fucking each other at night.”

“It's not my kind of date, River. But I'm going to enjoy slamming you against something when I become sole dictator of this planet.” Missy looked at the bottle of guinguet. “Oh, dear. It looks as if we're out of guinguet. Should I order some more?”

“No need. I have some Aldebaran brandy hidden in the roundels of the TARDIS. Let me go and get it. We can chat about our plans as dictators of Arda over it.”

Missy nodded. “I liked Aldebaran brandy when I was wearing Nehru jackets. I suppose I think I'll still like it. You promise you'll come back?”

“I promise I'll come back, Missy.” River she left the table.

River wasn't planning to come back. As soon as River entered the TARDIS again, she started the TARDIS up, taking the brakes off of her so Missy wouldn't notice the TARDIS disappearing from the Moulin de la Galette

Once River knew the TARDIS was in the time vortex again, she called upon the TARDIS' voice interface. It showed up once again in the form of Clara.

“Missy's gone now. You're safe. Well, until she gets another crazy idea on how to get rid of you.”

“I will lower my security settings. Thank you,” the voice interface said before disappearing.


Moments later, the Doctor walked into the console room. River looked up to see him. He was wearing his clothing again. “Where's Missy?”

“I left her in Montmarte.”


“I told her I had Aldebaran brandy in the TARDIS. Then I pulled up the TARDIS' brakes—something you never do—and I fled.”

The Doctor laughed. “Why would I have Aldebaran brandy on the TARDIS? If I had Aldebaran brandy on the TARDIS, I'd be chased for weeks by the Aldebarans.”

River shook her head. “But sweetie, we do have Aldebaran brandy on the TARDIS.”

“No we don't. If we had Aldebaran brandy on the TARDIS Clara and I would have had some of it by now.”

River walked to the roundel where she hid her Aldebaran brandy. “Told you.”

The Doctor looked alarmed.

“I trust you won't tell anyone.”

“Of course I won't tell anyone. I'm amazed Missy didn't steal the TARDIS while we were both asleep.”

“We satisfied her.” River walked back to the console. “I guess satisfying her was enough to curb her evil urges for a while.”

“River, where are we at in your timeline?”

“After Darillium. The Singing Towers.”

The Doctor froze. “This is one of the last times I'll be seeing you?”

“No. You're going to see me again. And you're going to like seeing me again once I remember who you are.”

“River, you know me. I'm the Doctor. How can you forget I'm the Doctor?”

River hushed the Doctor. “Spoilers.” She pulled out her mnemosine recall-wipe vapour. “Forget Montmartre, Doctor. Forget the threesome. Forget I ever told you about Darillium. If you remember the universe may be in danger. When you forget about me...oh, I don't know, take Clara somewhere around the universe. She sounds like a lovely girl.”

River sprayed the mnemosine recall-wipe vapour in the Doctor's face. She ran out of the console room and hid in one of the TARDIS' corridors, watching the Doctor at the console room. The Doctor stood in front of the console for a moment. Then he started talking to himself: “Where was I? Clara! I need to pick her up. For what, though? I need to find her first. Where would she be right now, Coal Hill School or her flat? I'll try Coal Hill School first. If she's not walking down the hallway, then I'll go to her flat.”

River set her vortex manipulator to leave the TARDIS. She randomized the date on it. She didn't know where she wanted to go next. There were still parts of the universe to explore, chance encounters with Missy and the Doctor to happen, things to steal. But if her destiny was to sacrifice herself at the Library, she wasn't ready to go just yet.