Overwhelm. Betrayal. Heartbreak.
Overwhelm. Betrayal. Heartbreak.
Overwhelm. Betrayal. Heartbreak.
The words echo in my mind, again and again, as I run through the forest. The blurry, confusing forest. A perfect match for the current state of my soul.
I can feel the soft and cold snow wet my paws with every step I give. My fur, once black as a raven, is now covered by small, white dots, a result of the snowfall, but I couldn’t care less. I keep running and fighting the freezing breeze that seems to be against me. The breeze that is continuously pushing me towards the only place where I don’t want to be. Home.
My heart is pounding in my chest, making me pant uncontrollably, but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I hear Brittany’s shriek behind me, I hear her calling my name, but I don’t look back. I’m too lost inside my racing mind. I can’t stop.
I used to believe that being born a wolf was a gift. Now, I’m not so sure anymore. Not when it was ruining my life.
I take a big leap and jump over the frozen river, only coming to a stop after skidding through the slippery ground, on the other edge. For the first time since I left the Pierce’s house, I look back and, as soon as I do, it hits me. I can’t stop my mind from recapping and finally assimilating everything that happened. That was it. My control was lost. No longer capable of dealing with the heartbreak, I let out a short and broken bark that quickly grew into a painful howl, loud enough to echo through all of the forest. I knew Brittany would hear me, I knew she would hear and feel my pain, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was peace and relief.
Yet, I wasn’t completely aware of what I was doing until I heard it. Kurt’s howl. What? A response? Shortly after, a second howl reaches my ears – it was Rachel. Then a third and a fourth and a fifth, until there was no one else. Abruptly, I realize the seriousness of the situation. Oh my God. What have I done? But, most importantly, what was I going to do?
Suddenly, another voice echoes in my mind. And another and another. In just a few seconds, a choir of voices is inside my head, speaking to me, without any organization.
Santana. Santana. Santana.
Where are you? What happened?
Santana, we’re worried!
I shake my head, a futile attempt to “shut up the voices”, that belonged to no other than members of my pack. My friends. I endure the disorganized shouts for a couple more minutes but my memories keep running wild and, eventually, my patience runs short. I decide to allow them access to my mind, which I had previously locked, in the belief I could keep them out of the situation.
The silence is immediate. All voices have ceased. They’ve seen it all.
The wordless shock reaches deep into my soul, together with a foreign tension, nervousness and clear fear. I don’t take long to realize that what I’m feeling goes beyond myself. I’m feeling everyone’s emotions, just as they’re feeling my own.
I don’t have to tell the pack to meet me – they can see the forest blurring past me as I sprint to the glade. They can feel the panic growing inside me. They know it’s urgent.
Time passes slowly.
I grow more anxious.
It’s taking them a while to recover.
Yet, as soon as they do, the quiet vanishes and the babble in my head restarts. Once again, everyone is simultaneously shouting. The only difference being their tone – this time, they seem angry.
I reach the glade before everyone else, but my hearing and nose aren’t fooled. I know they are near.
Puck is the first to arrive, with Kurt and Blaine following close behind. From the opposite direction, appear Quinn and Rachel. With them, the pack is complete.
How can this be?
I watch as the wolves circle around me, most with bristled furs and ears falling back. They clearly feel just as betrayed as I do, but I am still too dazed to focus on anything that is happening.
What will we do?
As the various wolves paced around, I struggle to focus and to pick out individual voices. I know I have to. After all, my pack needs me – they need their Alpha.
We must eliminate her.
As soon as I realize what Kurt had said, I raise my head and look directly at him, with teeth bared. Anger starts to take me over. His sentence echoes in my mind – had he truly suggested killing Brittany?
I finally let out a loud growl, drawing everyone’s attention to me, and I took a leap towards my target. I feel my teeth sink into his flank and his efforts to get away from my grip, followed by a pained howl, carrier of an apology. But it was all in vain. I’ve always been stronger than him, anyway.
My voice is loud and clear in everyone’s mind: NEVER say that again!
In between my own fury, I feel Blaine’s anger and frustration rise, and, for just a moment, I think he will turn on me. Yet, he remains in silence, with lowered ears and his tail tucked between his legs. All the others are in the same stance, yet they seem merely taken aback by my outburst.
I abruptly release Kurt, who immediately receives support from Blaine, and turn to the submissive wolves, who are now quietly waiting awaiting orders. My snarl grows even louder as I eye every single one of them, hoping someone would say something, but no word is spoken.
I scoff in dry amusement, incapable of believing the lack of replies, as I begin pacing back and forth, showing visible signs of tension and nervousness.
Shortly after, a voice interrupts my train of thoughts, actually startling me with its sudden appearance: it’s Rachel. I’m genuinely surprised. I didn’t expect her to be the first one speaking out her mind.
We want to help you, Rachel’s voice was low. But we’re scared too, Santana.
We don’t want you to get hurt, Puck follows.
And that doesn’t mean physical harm, only, Quinn says.
I stare at them and, for just a moment, I forget about our linked minds. They’re worried? About me?
Suddenly, I feel Kurt’s head nuzzling against my neck, and I can’t help but feel warm. Despite the way I had treated him, here he was, giving me all the support he could. I truly couldn’t have asked for better friends.
Of course we are, Kurt said, in a weak whisper. We’re in this together, remember?
My emotions are too overwhelming. I knew I was prone to break at any moment, and this is it. I can’t take it anymore.
The shift back to my human form happened quickly. At least, I think it did. Honestly, I don’t care. Right now, all I want is to wrap my arms around my best friend’s furry neck. And so I did. With a tight grip, I pull the wolf close to me and bury my face in his soft caramel fur, just as the first sob escapes my throat.
No movement nor sound are made as I cry my heart out, in the middle of that snow-covered glade. And as I cry, I’m taken back to the very first day.
I remembered how it all started.
I remembered how I fell in love with a Hunter…