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What's The Big Deal?

Chapter Text

*Somewhere in Ikebukuro...*

-8 A.M-

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep...



Shizuo groaned opening his eyes and shifting himself in a bed. He looked to his right and groaned some more. Great, another alarm clock was destroyed.

Looks like he was spending more money on new alarm clocks than on cigarettes and that was not good.

Shoving the remains of the crashed device into a trash can near his bed, he got up, yawning with his jaw wide open. After attending all of his morning businesses in the bathroom he walked straight to his kitchen while scratching his belly and yawning some more. Opening his fridge, he took a bottle of milk and sat at his table, turning on the TV.

He flipped through the channels and after not finding anything interesting he just left it at some kids show and instead took his phone.

That's right... There were a lot of Dollars notifications yesterday...He frowned at the thought. The damn thing was beeping and beeping while he was trying to fall asleep. He remembered that he just turned the sound off, not bothering to look what the hell was all of that about and simply got back to sleep. Guess it's time to find out...

While sipping at his milk straight from the bottle Shizuo flipped his phone open and launched a browser, typing in Dollars' address.

"Ne, ne, ne! GUUUUYS did you heard?!"

"Hm? About what?"

"Oh god, this is hilarious"

"But what?"

"It looks like... Orihara Izaya... The one and only..."

"Hm? What about him?"




"haha, really funny"


"Do you really expect somebody to believe it?"

"I knew it..."


"yeah, and I'm Potter"

"Actually he always looked kind of... girly..."

"ISN'T IT?!"

"Guys, you lost your minds"

"But how do you know?"

"Check out other forums! It's EVERYWHERE!"

"What's everywhere?"


"EEEH? There are photos?!"


"WHA, for real?"

"Heheh, wait a sec, I'll upload one"



"That's it... I'm out..."



The conversation was going on and on. But Shizuo couldn't see it. Since his phone was dead, soaked in milk from a bottle that was crushed in his hand.

"WHAT THE...!"

There were really a photos.

Photos of the flea.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway with some guy.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway MAKING OUT with some guy.

And it seemed like the whole Dollars page was filled with them.


*Somewhere in Shinjuku*

-At the same time...-



Jesus Chris, such a mistake.

He really couldn't believe it.

Orihara Izaya, the one and only, the master of manipulation, the man capable of starting a gang war at any moment, one of the best informants in Tokyo if not in whole Japan, the guy who had the yakuza eating from his hand, the God for his humans.

Has made a ridiculous mistake.

He accidentally revealed the truth about his sexual orientation. While being drunk.

"Ugh..." Izaya groaned and placed his aching head on his desk. Hangover was killing him.

He heard a chuckle. "What is it?" It was Namie approaching him with a cup of black coffee he had asked her to make. She placed a mug in front of his face and folded her arms with a smirk.

"Looks like you're not all that mighty if it comes to alcohol," Namie said playfully "But what was I expecting from a faggot like you."

Izaya narrowed his eyes. Great, now that she knew, she just wouldn't shut up. But... who didn't know? Izaya was awfully aware of how fast rumors were capable of spreading in Tokyo. He was usually the one spreading them after all...

"I wonder if you are the one taking it up your ass. That would suit you. It would be good if you were gang banged by everyone who's life you fucked. But, never mind, knowing how twisted you are, you would probably enjoy it," Namie continued, obviously proud of her insults.

Izaya smirked back, not showing her how irritated he was. "Eeeh, who knows~? Gang bang could be actually really pleasurable... I wonder if your precious brother would like it? I can request it to happen with a little bit of help from a few of my contacts, ne~?"

Namie's smile dropped immediately. She shoot him a glare and turned back with a "hmph!".

"Disgusting gay bastard," she cursed under her breath and walked back to the couch where she had been dealing with paper work. "Shut up and work already."

"You started it ~" Izaya answered in a sing sang voice and took a sip of his coffee, his smile fading away once Namie busied herself with work.

This really was bad. Izaya didn't liked this turn of events AT ALL. He managed to keep it as a secret for about 7 or 8 years and now it slipped out. What a shame. He shouldn't be affected by it actually. It's just a sexual orientation. So what if he's gay? That's not even the whole truth, he was bisexual after all, but still. There was a bunch of gay humans around. So what's the big deal?

Izaya sighed. Who was he kidding? It's obvious that the more a person is known, the more fuss would be made about such a trivial thing. And it happens that HE indeed IS well known.

There was no point in trying to cover it up. There were definitely too many photos to call it a misunderstanding. Guess I have to deal with it until it will get more quiet...

With another sigh Izaya opened his laptop to check out some e-mails. But he immediately regretted it. The brightness of the screen only caused him another wave of pain to hit him, even if it was dimmed to its maximum. With a groan he closed it and shoved it to the other side of his desk. Nope, no working, not today.

"Namie, take a day off," the informant said with both hands placed on his forehead.

She looked confused "Huh? I'm not even done with cataloging-"

"Just leave," he interrupted while massaging his temples with his fingertips.

"Say no more," and with that, Izaya's secretary quickly gathered her belongings and left his apartment, closing doors with a loud bang.

Izaya grimaced at the sound. Bitch. She did that on purpose. "I guess someone's pay must be deducted...," he murmured to himself and got up from his desk. The informant close to crawled to his couch and laid himself on in. He felt dizzy and nauseous from the alcohol overdose.

The informant couldn't believe that any of this was actually happening. What had gotten into him? He closed his eyes and recalled the events from the previous night.

*The evening before...*


It was an easy job. Take the data. Meet with client. Deliver the data. Done. Boring and no fun at all.

The meeting place was a bar. Well, a gay bar to be more precise, but who was he to judge? A client is a client. So he arrived at said place and quickly localized the man he was supposed to meet in here. Izaya ordered a drink and chatted a little with the yakuza rookie. They were sitting at the counter with a bartender quietly working besides them. But, nevermind him for now.

It turned out that the said rookie was really an amusing human. So much determination, readiness and future plans. Since he was entertaining Izaya so much, the informant decided to stay a little longer. He ordered another drink and after that one, a next. Really now, such an interesting fellow, this client of his. But work needs to be done. Izaya almost regretted when Hise, which was a yakuza's name, decided to call it a night and got to the point.

So Izaya gave him a pen drive, received an envelope with his payment and they did a handshake. With that, the client was gone.

But for some reason, probably due to the fact that Izaya already had a few drinks, he decided to stay in the bar a bit longer, and chatted a little with a the bartender.

Such a cute guy. The funny fact was that he reminded Izaya about a certain someone. Since he had rather fair hair and was wearing a bartender outfit, which in his case was normal, not like in other's cases. He was also pretty attractive. And talkative.

So they chatted, Izaya was drinking and soon the bartender's shift had ended. He closed the bar for other guests and came back to Izaya, making himself a drink as well.

Aaaand bang! Izaya started to flirt. Since the other guy was obviously interested they decided to move somewhere more private. After leaving the pub they were on their way to bartender's place but somehow they ended up in some alleyway making out furiously. That was when Izaya actually started to think that he didn't like the guy at all. When he broke the kiss up, something flashed. Brightly. He snapped his head to the side to notice three girls with their cells, taking one picture after another.

Despite the fact that he was drunk as hell, he managed to think:

Well, now I'm fucked.

Seconds later the girls ran away and Izaya knew he was doomed. He shoved the other guy off, pointed at him with his switchblade and ordered him to fuck off. Which the bartender did, after one look at the sharp object in Izaya's hand.

And then, the informant walked back home on wobbly legs.

~~The End~~

*Back to the present*


"Really now..." Izaya groaned, simply ashamed of himself "Who am I to call Shizu-chan a protozoan since it looks like I'm the one as well..."

It was an act of carelessness to even order the first drink. Izaya knew his body, and he knew how weak he was against alcohol. Also, how he would become clingy and seductive after few drinks.

"Well, at least I didn't target my client..." THAT indeed would have been a disaster. "Aah... what's done is done... Can't go back in time..." Or maybe...? Since there are already headless women and possessed swords walking on the Earth, then maybe it wasn't not that far-fetched...

"Maybe instead of looking for a way to get myself to Valhalla I should focus on finding a time vehicle..." And with this thought in mind he took a few pills of aspirin and drifted to sleep in order to get rid of his hangover.


What the actual fuck?

Those words were echoing in Shizuo's head like a mantra as he walked through the streets of Ikebukuro. He was supposed to meet up with Tom-san and simply start their usual working routine.

But somehow his mind was occupied.

The thing.

The thing he saw this morning.

Well, to be totally honest, he really didn't see that one coming.

"Shit, that's not my business..." he murmured under his breath.

Okay, the flea was gay. So what? Shizuo didn't care what that louse was doing in his free time, especially, what he was doing in his bedroom. But for some reason he found the whole thing kind of disturbing.

And that photo... That damn guy. He kinda looked like me...

With a groan and "the fuck..." murmured, he lit a cigarette and continued walking.

"Oh, it's Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo flinched at that nickname but fortunately the voice didn't belong to the louse but to that weird otaku girl, from Kadota's gang... Erika was it? She was now happily approaching him.

"Oi, don't call me that," the bodyguard growled at her, but the girl, being her usual self, didn't seem to be intimidated at all.

"Ah, sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist!" She waved her hand. It looked like she was badly excited about something. "Ne, ne, Shizuo-san, did you hear the news?"

"News...?" He tilted his head.

"About Iza-Iza being gay, of course~!"

Shizuo stiffened. But then frowned and answered in his usual manner "Tch. I don't give a flying fuck about anything related to that parasite."

"Eeeh, is that so~~? Well, I'm extremely happy! My dreams are just being fulfilled!" Shizuo could swear that she was sparkling " But, but, I can't believe that you're not affected by this info at all! I mean, just look at this! It's sooo obvious! It's love! Love story! BL! It must be it! Just think about it! Iza-Iza MUST be in love with you! Tho I've always thought it was the other way around, but never mind that! It's still awesome! Just, just... Aaaah, it's sooo heartbreaking! He had to hide his sexuality in order to keep his deep love towards you as a secret, and then, and then, he covered it all up with hatred! Ah, poor, poor Iza-Iza! Now it's out! What will you do?! But, but, more importantly what will YOU do, Shizu-chan?! You can't just leave it! You should just go and pin down his lithe body to the nearest flat surface and make out with him! Besides, aren't you jealous about that other guy? Well, you should be! I mean, come on! Iza-Iza is yours! And then, and then, you should tell him in your low, sexy voice that it's okay now, and that he doesn't have to pretend anymore and that you can finally be together now! AND after that, there would be some steamy, hot and senseless se-"

"KARISAWA-SAN!" Suddenly, there was Walker, the other otaku, covering Erika's mouth with his hand, dirtying it with blood from her nosebleed. "S-Shizuo-san, please forgive her! She didn't mean any of it! Well, she did, but please, try to ignore her!"

But Shizuo was just standing there, his cigarette long ago forsaken, lying on the ground, since it just fell out from his gaping mouth.

"Yo, Shizuo." There was also Kadota approaching, obviously oblivious about Erika's rambling "Off to work?"

"..." But he didn't answer. The former bartender was just trying to register what on Earth that girl was saying.

"Shizuo...?" Kadota tried again.

"O-Oh? Ah, yeah...," he managed to stutter.

"I see. Well, that was unexpected... about Izaya, I mean. I'm pretty sure you heard as well. If not, Erika probably just told you, since she's all over it. Jeez, she won't shut up," Kadota scratched the back of his head. "And to think that I've never noticed it... After all, back in high school, he had some girls, but well... Nah, not my business anyway," he stopped for a moment "Shizuo, are you okay?" since the blond wasn't even looking at him, the former Blue Squares member got concerned.

"..." Shizuo snapped out of it at the sound of his name. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine." He lit another cigarette "Hey, I'm gonna head out, Tom-san is waiting."

"Oh, sure. See you later," Kadota smiled at him and turned to his friends.

So, Shizuo started walking away. He was absentmindedly staring at the ground, slowly recalling every word that left Erika's mouth.

With every next step he took, more and more blood was rushing to his face, leaving him with a furious blush spread across it and a really frustrated expression.

Suddenly, he stopped in his track and grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be some poor soul's motorbike, and he lunched it high into the sky.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!" The words were meant to be said only to himself since they were his voiced thoughts, but out of frustration he screamed from the top of his lungs, letting every living soul around hear them clearly.

The tanned man with dreadlocks, who was currently approaching the blond, heard them as well.

"Woah, aren't you pretty hyped in this beautiful morning, Shizuo?" Tom chuckled as his eyes followed the flying motorcycle. "Who exactly is 'she' and what did she say?" For a second, Shizuo's boss eyes narrowed as he looked closely at his junior. "Wait, am I seeing things or is your face red? If you're not feeling well or have a fever, you should have called, you know?" Tom said with concern.

"I AM NOT FUCKING RED, OKAY?!" Shizuo screamed, but after a moment he realised with huge terror that he just shouted at his boss and his eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry Tom-san, I didn't intended to scream," the blond bowed deeply. "And I'm fine, really. I just met a really fucked up person and she was rambling some sick things. That's all."

"I see," the other sighed. "Well, if that's the case, let's just go. There are a lot of guys to visit today, and I'm afraid you're not gonna like them," Tom said and they started to walk away. "Especially in the district that we're heading to now. Some of the thugs living there are kinda aggressive, so please stay as calm as you can. Jeez... This day is going to be a pain."

"Yes, Tom-san. I'll do my best." Sadly, Shizuo was not so sure about staying calm today. Especially with the DAMN PICTURES his mind was showing him after what that STUPID CHICK had said.

"Oh, and by the way, what about the motorbike?" The debt collector said suddenly.

"A motorbike...?" the blond was rather confused.

"Yeah, the one you just happened to send flying through the sky a while ago."

"Oh..." Shizuo looked behind his back but said machine was nowhere in sight. "To be honest I'm not even sure where it landed..."

"Hahah..." Tom chuckled nervously. "Let's hurry then, before anybody notices."


And so they walked away to get over with their job.


Chapter Text

This was ridiculous.

No, more like horrible.

Nope, scratch that one as well. It was almost horrifying.

Everyone's eyes were directed at him. Everyone's. Without a damn exception. And that was actually making the young informant slightly uncomfortable. Sure, he was prepared to draw attention as soon as he left his apartment, but oh come on, let's be reasonable.

Izaya looked to the left. A group of young girls quickly averted their eyes and started to whisper something to each other with chuckles.

Izaya looked to the right. A few teenage boys were literally pointing their fingers at him and laughing, saying something among the lines of 'look, it's this faggot'. One of them actually blushed furiously as the raven looked at him and turned away. Oh, how cute.

He looked behind. Some thugs in yellow attire where quite loudly debating if they should go and kick his ass, since he was a 'sick homo' but quickly dismissed the idea after getting to the conclusion that gay or not, he was still Orihara, and he was dangerous.

With a sigh, he looked ahead. There he was met with another dozens of chuckles, glares and blushes as he was skipping through his humans in the busied streets. Despite all of that, his face was expressionless. He was already tired of it even though it was only the beginning.

After his nap, he woke up with an even greater headache and nausea, to make matters worse. He was out of aspirin and felt like... well, from the lack of a better word, like shit.

So he decided to go to Shinra, since he would probably have something that would help him feel at least a little bit better. That crazy, perverted four eyes, had everything that was somehow connected with medication after all, so Izaya wouldn't be surprised if he had something special for hangovers as well.

When he was getting closer to Kawagoe Highway, and that weird couple's apartment, Izaya once again thought about this whole absurd situation. All of that already started to affect his reputation, and that wasn't good at all. To be completely honest, Izaya was worried about losing his best clients once they found out. Izaya groaned inwardly. Shiki. Facing him was going to be a pain in ass. He could already imagine his comments about the great Orihara being a laughingstock. Not to mention Shinichi. Damnit.

With irritation plastered on his features he stood in front of the Kishitani's household. The raven took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the encounter with his overly enthusiastic and loud friend. He knocked and waited for this excuse of a human to open the door.

"Coming~!" After he heard this annoying voice from behind the door he quickly considered the idea to turn around and leave before it was too late. But unfortunately for him, Shinra had already opened the door and stared at him with wide eyes. After the doctor got over the shock a huge smile appeared on his face.

"Oh, well if it's not Orihara-kun! What a surprise! Please, come in, come in!" He moved aside to make some space for Izaya to enter.

"Hello there, Shinra. What a beautiful day we have today, won't you agree?" The informant said casually, with his trademark smirk in place, as he skipped past the, as usual hyped, underground doctor.

"True, true!" Shinra replied and closed the doors behind Izaya. "Make yourself at home. Do you want something to drink?"

"Hmm, water would be fine, if I can request."

"Of course!" With that the doctor was gone to the kitchen, looking through cupboards.

Izaya took a seat on the couch and sighed loudly. Coming here was probably a very bad idea. It was actually a miracle that this friend of his still didn't ask any questions. After all, Celty was a member of the Dollars, so there was no way that she knew but Shinra didn't.

"So..." Shinra started as he placed a glass of water on the coffee table in front of Izaya. "What brings you here if I can ask? It's unusual for you to pay us a visit unless it's about medical treatment or pure business. But even so! I'm still flattered that my precious friend came by."

The raven faked a gasp as he placed a hand on his heart. "I'm wounded, can't you just believe that I simply wanted to visit you out of pure sympathy?"

"Actually, no," Shinra sent him his usual warm smile, that completely didn't fit the words he had spoken. "But if you're here with some job for my beloved Celty, then I'll have to disappoint you, because my beautiful and gorgeous loved one and I are having a date tonight! Yes! She finally agreed after so long! I simply can't wait!"

Izaya rolled his eyes. Oh god. Here it comes.

"And, and she said that we're goint to take a ride with her Shooter out of town! Uwaah, I'll be able to hug her amazing body from behind, it's so awesome! And then we will be watching stars together! Isn't that romantic?! But the best part will be when we will arrive home and move to our bedroom to-" Suddenly, there was a shadow ball all around rambling Shinra's head, successfully silencing him and said dullahan stormed into the living room, angrily placing her PDA in front of the doctor's face, which didn't make any sense for Izaya, since a moment ago she covered Shinra's head with her shadows so he couldn't possibly read it.

The informant chucked silently at the awfully sweet scene. It was only then that the Black Rider noticed his presence and literally jumped, almost dropping her device. After a few seconds of maneuvering the PDA in the air she managed to grab it and started to write furiously on it, while approaching the slightly confused informant with the speed of light. Shortly after, she shoved the thing in front of his face.


He read his name and raised an eyebrow at the visibly jittery Celty. "Yes, dear Courier?" Then there was a whole bunch of texts. He barely managed to read one before there was another for him to register.

[Wath teh heel was that?!]

[Is tihs for rael?]

[ Is it really yuo on those pictures?]

[Woh on eartg is thiss guy?]

[Waht was the name of it, photoshop? Its photoshoped, isnt it?]

[Or is somebdy blackmailing you?]

[you're like the top topic, thre are even memes about you!]


It definitely required a lot of effort, to read and understand all of it, since Izaya was sure that he didn't see so many typos in a long time. He took a deep breath with his eyes closed as he rather gently shoved the PDA out of his face. To be honest, he was expecting this kind of reaction more from Shinra than from Celty, but he was glad inwardly since at least she was not able to scream, like the doctor would, potentially making his headache even worse.

"That was a kiss, dear Celty. Yes, it is for rael. Indeed, it's me, who else is this hot? This guy is no one to be concerned about. Unfortunately, no, it is not photoshoped. Nope, no one is blackmailing me, now who would even have the guts to blackmail me?And oh, memes you say, that's interesting, I need to check it out later, I hope they made me gorgeous enough. Now, did I satisfy your curiosity? Because I would love to drop this subject already," Izaya smirked at her shadows, keeping his cool, despite the throbbing headache he was currently dealing with. "Also, I would really appreciate if you could take your black substance out of that idiot's face, because I need to ask him about something."

If Celty had eyes, she would be intensely staring at him by now. She quickly started to write some more sentences before deleting them in the end. Finally, she showed him another message.

[Okay. But all of this is so weird that I actually thought aliens had invaded Ikebukuro. I couldn't even sleep!] When Izaya didn't even comment on that one, she made something akin to sigh and released the squirming doctor from her shadows.

Shinra took a deep breath before he started to ramble again. "That was so mean my beloved! Did you want to suffocate me? Oh, wait, is it a kink of yours? In that case you could have said something earlier my dear Celty! I would allow you choke me as much as you wan- UGH" He was interrupted with a punch straight into his plexus. Then the dullahan showed her boyfriend a text on her phone, which probably was something among the lines of 'shut up you perverted idiot' and she slumped down on the couch, next to Izaya, and turned on the TV.

"Ahaha... love is a painful yet beautiful thing, don't you think, Orihara-kun?" Shinra chuckled nervously as he rubbed his chest.

Oh, you have no idea... Izaya thought to himself but he didn't voice it out loud. Instead he took his chance to finally fulfill the actual purpose of coming here.

"Actually, I came to ask you if you have something that would help me with-"

"Hangover? Sure, wait here a second, and I will prepare you a special nutrient that will refill all of the substances that your body is lacking after alcohol overdose," Shinra interrupted him casually.

Izaya raised an eyebrow at that. "May I ask-"

"How I knew? Oh please, Orihara-kun, that's rather obvious. For first, you look like shit-"

"That is not really nice..."

"And for second, you probably wouldn't do something like that yesterday, while being sober, so I figured it out." And then the doctor smiled a smile that would pass for a heartwarming one, but in his case it was just creepy.

The informant sighed in resignation. "Just... Serve me it and I'm leaving."

Shinra just smiled even wider and with a quick nod, disappeared in his lab room.

While the doctor was absent, Izaya was doing his best to not let his huge irritation show, since Celty who was sitting beside him, was still stealing glances at him when she thought that he couldn't see it. And for the thousandth time today, he wondered 'what's the big deal?'. It seemed like the only humans that were not affected by this whole matter were he himself and Shinra.

Izaya frowned at that.

That was odd. It was simply impossible for this four eyed moron to not mention it at least once, especially since even Celty was slightly affected. With determination to inspect the doctor's unusual behavior, the raven stood up from the couch and walked in the direction of the lab room. "I'll check up on him."

The Dullahan nearly jumped at the sound of Izaya's voice, but 'nodded' her helmet and resumed watching TV, obviously pretending that she wasn't just staring at the informant secretly.

Izaya propped himself against the doorframe of the room that Shinra was currently in and watched as the doctor mixed some ingredients in a tall glass while humming something happily. The informant coughed quietly to reveal his presence.

"Hmm? What is it, Orihara-kun?"

"Mind if I join you?" He answered with a smirk as he walked into the room and took a seat on the nearest chair.

"Not at all! But why is that? Are you afraid that I'm going to poison you? Ahaha, I'm not Yagiri-san, that's for first, and I wouldn't have poisoned my precious friend! Well, unless it would be required to save my beloved Celty or our sweet, sweet love, so-"

"Yes Shinra, I get it." Izaya pinched the bridge of his nose. Jeez, what am I even doing here...?

"Ne, Shinra..." the raven started, "Would you kindly enlighten me, why you still didn't say a thing about this whole situation? Considering how shocked the rest of this city is I find it slightly disturbing that one of the most talkative humans I know is silent," Izaya stopped for a second and smirked at his friend. "How so? Aren't you surprised even a little?"

"Surprised? About what?" the doctor asked with a smile while tilting his head to the side.

Izaya took a mental note to arrange a gang battle as soon as he came back, so that damn doctor would have a bunch of patients today and a ruined date. He still smiled back though and answered him calmly.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Ah, this!" he said as if he just discovered the secret of eternal life. "Of course I'm not surprised."

Izaya blinked. "And may I ask why?"

Shinra walked to him and handed the now ready mixture to the raven. "Because I knew it all along."

The informant almost dropped the freshly prepared nutrient. "Wha-!" He quickly took a breath, and tried to compose himself. "What do you mean you knew all along?"

"What do you mean by what I mean? That I already knew it, that's all!" the doctor smiled happily. "Now, we should go back to Celty, my poor love is all alone in there, how could you leave her like that Orihara-kun!" And with that, Shinra was ready to leave the room, but Izaya grabbed his sleeve.

"Wait! Since when do you know?" the informant asked with narrowed eyes.

Shinra stopped in his tracks and put a finger on his chin, as if he were lost in thoughts. "Hmmm... Since high school, I guess?"

Izaya simply gaped at him, as he smiled and left the room anyway.

The informant just stood there, with a glass in his hand and brows furrowed.

Really now...

That Shinra...

I knew he was perceptive but seriously...?

He stared blankly at the nutrient before a quiet chuckle escaped his lips.

Ahahah... Almost as unpredictable as Shizu-chan...

And to think that Izaya was sure that he was cautious enough to keep it as secret. But of course, there had to be Shinra, that proved him wrong, walking around mocking him 'Ha, you thought that you can have secrets? Not at my watch!' Damn you...

The raven sighed and put a smile on his face as he came back to living room and seated himself on his previous spot on the couch. He took an experimental sip from the glass. Oh god, gross... He forced himself to drink it all at once though and placed the empty glass on the coffee table with a quiet thud.

And just when the informant was struggling to fight a grimace from his features, there was a sudden knock at the door. Everyone exchanged glances.

"Do you expect somebody?" Izaya asked.

"Hmm, not really, to be honest. Your arrival was already surprising enough." Shinra answered as he skipped to the door while singing 'comin!' under his nose.

As soon as Shinra opened the doors, Izaya noticed the doctor stiffening even from this distance.


For a second, Izaya's eyes went wide, his heartbeat skyrocketed and he felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. A smirk found its way on his face as he heard this voice.

"Oh, hi Shinra... Sorry for the sudden visit, but some piece of shit thought it's a great idea to stab me in the stomach so, yeah."

"A-Ahahah, you see, Shizuo-kun, I don't think your timing is good today..." Shinra started nervously, but Shizu-chan was already forcing his way inside.

"What do you mean by timing?" the brute barked angrily. "You think I knew that I was gonna be stabbed or something? Just take the damn thing out and I'm gonna... be... on my way..." He trailed off as soon as he spotted Izaya sitting casually on the doctor's couch.

Izaya's heart was hammering against his ribcage. His smirk was wide from ear to ear. His eyes were glued to Shizuo's ones. For a second he wondered why Shizu-chan hadn't snapped yet, but was gaping at him instead as if he was seeing a ghost, but then he remembered that this monster also was a member of Dollars so he probably knew the little news as well.

"Why hello there, Shizu-chan~!" Izaya heard his own voice singing.

There he was.

Standing just right there.


The man who made him realize he was gay in the first place.


No shit... The blond thought to himself, as he just couldn't believe his own eyes.

After the whole day of thinking about that damn louse, now I'm even fucking hallucinating? But isn't it rather vivid? He even called me as usual...

Then Shizuo shifted his gaze from the flea to Shinra and noticed the complete terror on the doctor's face and sweat running down his forehead.

Then he looked at Celty, who was now rushing in his direction with her PDA, that was reading something about calming down, and not destroying the apartment.

And that was when he realized that the flea indeed was here, and he was not seeing things.

Suddenly he felt a familiar wave of anger taking him over as he recalled that this damn fucking parasite was occupying his mind since the morning, when he launched the Dollars website, to this very moment, causing him to lose his shit at least fifty seven times, destroy a shitloads of public property and nearly kill about six damn people.

"Izaaayaaa..." Shizuo growled as he took a step forward, clenching his fists. He looked at that bastard and the raven's lips suddenly curled into an even wider smirk. His lips...

Instantly, the blond stopped in his tracks as he remembered why exactly Izaya had been on his mind the whole day, and what kind of thoughts they were.

Shizuo abruptly turned back to the informant as he felt his anger being replaced with embarrassment. Then, his frustrated expression was met with Shinra's horrified one. The blond quickly composed himself and stomped in the direction of the door.

"You know Shinra, I don't think it's that serious anyway. I'll just go already. I'll drop by when there aren't any louses around." With that, he was ready to leave.

"Ah, wait Shizuo-kun, you're bleeding!" the blond heard Shinra pleading, but he simply walked past him. All he wanted now was to be as far away from that damn parasite as possible.

"No worries, Shizu-chan, I was just leaving anyway." And that damn voice echoed from behind. Shizuo stopped at the door frame and turned around just to notice this flea approaching the exit as well. While walking, the informant turned to the doctor.

"Well then, thank you for the nutrient, try not to break your needles on that monstrous skin. I'll be on my way. Bye Courier, Shinra..." Izaya stopped just where Shizuo stood, not even half a meter away from him, and locked his gaze with the blond's, piercing him with those reddish brown eyes, smirking playfully. "...and bye Shizu-chan," the raven winked at him and left, not using the elevator but choosing the stairs instead.

Shizuo's frown was still deep, even when that cockroach was already far away. Well, not that it was the first time this louse winked at him but for some reason he froze for a second when he did.

"Tch. Damn annoying stupid fucking piece of shit," he murmured under his breath as he lit a cigarette.

"Shizuo-kun, I told you to not smoke in here-" Shinra started but was cut off immediately.

"Shut up. If you want this apartment to be still usable, you better don't complain on me. It's a miracle that this fucker left in one piece anyway," the blond growled at the doctor who instantly started to mumble some sort of apologies.

Suddenly there was a PDA shoved in front of Shizuo's face.

[Shizuo, is that you?]

The bodyguard frowned some more at the text. "Huh? What are you talking about Celty, of course it's me."

[But you just were in the same room with Izaya and you didn't snap. Are you sure you're not an alien?]

Shizuo blinked. Then inhaled deeply, trying his best to not get angry at his best friend. "Yes, Celty, I'm not an alien..."

[Good. I hope you're not lying. Some strange things are going on recently, I prefer to be cautious.] Shizuo blinked again. Damn, she's so serious about that.

"Ahahah... right. Well, Shizuo-kun, let's have a look at your wound. Your blood is pooling on my floor by now," Shinra interjected, reminding about his presence.

Oh, right... Shizuo looked at the knife that was still sticking out from his abdomen. Apparently Tom-san was right about aggressive thugs in that forsaken district. Just when this miserable day at work was about to end, some damn trash decided to stab him instead of returning the money he owned. Unfortunately for him, this decision cost him all of his teeth and probably a broken arm, but hey, it was just a self defense.

"Yeah, just patch it up, I'm tired as hell, this day was annoying as shit and I simply wanna go home already," Shizuo grumbled as he stubbed out his cigarette in the sink.

Shizuo was sitting at Shinra's couch while the doctor was treating him. The blond was half-heartedly listening to that pervert's rambling about eternal love with Celty while she was frequently stabbing him with her fingers in his ribs, causing Shinra to mess up Shizuo's wound several times. But the bodyguard couldn't care less, since his mind was still circling around a certain someone.

With a sigh and not paying attention to the dullahan's and Shinra's quarrels, Shizuo thought that Celty indeed was right. Some strange things are going on recently...

Chapter Text

The automatic doors of the mall opened. A pair of young otakus went through them. One of them was carrying bags each filled with manga in both of his hands and was talking about something with passion. The other, busied herself with her cell.

"... and it turned out that he had like, three moe moe little sisters and one of them is actually an ero lolita tsundere, I mean like seriously, you totally need to check it out Karisawa-san!" Yumasaki squirmed.

"Heheheh..." But apparently it looked like Erika for once was not really interested in her friend's blabbering about the newest manga. Instead, she was staring at her phone while chuckling in a rather creepy way.

"...Karisawa-san...? You're kind of scary now, you know? Your smile is totally like Kira's. Speaking about him, he totally failed as a man! I mean, Misa-chan was so moe!" Walker continued.

"Hehehe... yeah, yeah..."

"... Seriously, Karisawa-san, are you okay? You're totally creeping me out. Actually, what are you doing on your phone all of the time? I mean, we were just at Dengeki Bunko's newest novel premiere and you didn't even pay attention."

Suddenly, Erika stopped in her tracks and flipped her phone shut.

"Done..." she whispered, with a grin that could only be described as devilish.

"Karisawa...san...? Please don't smile like that, you look like you just crawled out from the 9th circle of Hell. And what is done?" Walker asked with a drop of cold sweat running down his face.

"Hmm?" And then Karisawa's expression changed into her usual cheerful one. "Ah, no worries Yumachin! I'm just playing a role of pi-piru-piru cupid in a lovey-dovey love story, giving a little push for its protagonists!"

"I-Is that so? Ahaha, I kind of feel sorry for those people for some reason..." Yumasaki said nervously.

"What are you saying Yumachin! I'm just like the Quietly-Helping-From-Behind-The-Scenes Friend type!" She replied happily as they continued walking.

But soon, an evil grin once again decorated her face as she felt her phone already vibrate furiously in her pocket, with replies to the topic that she just posted on the message board on the Dollar's site.

-Kanra-san logged in...-

Kanra: Helloooooo~~! Kanra-chan deeeesu! (ノ ω)ノ :。・:*:・゚' ,。・:*:・゚'

Setton: Oh, hi Kanra.

Tanaka Taro: Hello, Kanra-san.

Bakyura: Die.

Saika: H-Hello...

Tanaka Taro: You were absent yesterday, that's rather unusual.

Kanra: Oya, was Tanaka Taro-kun worried about me? Aaaah, I'm flattered, but you know, hitting on girls via Internet is creepy! (〃>_<;〃)

Tanaka Taro: Ehh?! That's not the case! (゚ロ゚) !

Setton: That' right, were you busy?

Kanra: Oh, I was just feeling ill, that's all! ┐( ̄∀ ̄)┌

Bakyura: Who cares? ψ(▼へ▼メ)~→

Kanra: Bakyura-san is scary as always! ( ╥ω╥ )

Kanra: Anyway, did I missed something~? I still didn't checked the archives!

Tanaka Taro: Oh, we were just talking about this new topic. It's on every local forum.

Setton: Yeah, it seems that Dollars posted it.

Setton: But it's so unreal, it feels almost... alien...

Kanra: Eeeh?New topic? What is it, what is it?

[PM mode: Tanaka Taro: Izaya-san. I'm surprised you still didn't see it but... you should take a look. On Dollars message board that is.]

Izaya raised an eyebrow. He really had a bad feeling about this. The raven quickly said his goodbyes and closed the chat log. Then he opened a new tab in his browser but hesitated for a second. He didn't bother to check on the Dollars for a while, since all he could find there recently were his photos with different captions under it, and to be honest, he really had enough of it. God, I don't even want to know what awaits me there...

The informant typed in the Dollars' address. This damn round logo was glaring at him wickedly. With a sigh, he entered the password and message board loaded.

And there he saw it.

A subject with an enormous amount of responses.

Subject: Shizaya Fan Club!
Re:Shizaya Fan Club!
Re:Re:Shizaya Fan Club!
Re:Re:Re:Shizaya Fan Club!
Re: Great Idea!
Re:Re:Great Idea!
Re:Count me in!
Re: What about Izuo?
Re:Re:What about Izuo?
Re: Total approval for Shizaya
Re: OMG, OP, youre genius

It was going on and on. He had to scroll the whole message board down and go to the third page to reach the end of it.

Izaya frowned deeply. "Shizaya...?" Now what on earth is that?

Since there was only one way to find it out, he moved the cursor over the top subject and clicked.

And started reading.

And he read.

And read...

...And read...

And with every next sentence, more and more blood left his face, until he became as white as a sheet. But this state lasted only for a few seconds, before all of that blood came back with doubled force, decorating his features with a blush so furious that it looked unreal.

"WHAT?!" the raven stood up from his desk so abruptly, that his chair flipped back and hit the floor with a loud thud.

Namie, who was currently answering some e-mails, basically jumped, spilling her tea all over her laptop in the process, making it dead.

"What on earth are you screaming about Orihara?! Can't you see that some of us are actually trying to work... in here..." She trailed off when she noticed the pure terror plastered on Izaya's face which was literally as red as tomato. Now THAT expression was something new. After seeing it, she couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh my, I don't know what happened, but I'm glad it happened," Namie smirked upon seeing her boss literally trembling.

Obviously, Izaya couldn't care less about what Namie said or did or if she was laughing at him. At this rate, he didn't even know what emotion was taking him over the most. If it was fury, embarrassment, confusion, annoyance or all of the above. Yeah, probably all. With that post, the line was crossed. That's it. Suddenly, he felt himself grinning. Shortly after, a loud laugh escaped his lips.

Namie crooked her eyebrow at her boss, who was now laughing like a mad man. Did he finally lose his mind?

"Ahahah... Really now! Humanity indeed never ceases to amaze me!" the raven screamed, clutching at his sides.

Yep, he probably lost it...

Suddenly, the informant stopped laughing and composed himself. A deep frown had appeared on his face.

He knew it. There was only one person, that could come up with something like that.

Karisawa Erika.

Without a word, Izaya grabbed his jacket and left his apartment.

Namie, who was quite petrified, just stared at the doors that closed after him. After a minute or so, she blinked. "What the hell was all of that about actually...?" the secretary wondered out loud and slowly walked in the direction of her boss' desk. Then she got confused once again after seeing that he left everything open. She leaned closer to the monitor to read what it was displaying. Her eyes widened as soon as she started reading.

Hello everyone!

We all already know that Orihara Izaya appears to be gay. I'm sure that most of you just thought about it as only a funny fact that we can make fun of. But... I think that we should do something about it!

It's known all around that Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo share a passionate emotion towards each other. Anyone could say that it's rather obvious that this emotion is hate. But please think about it. Can't you see it? That chemistry between them? That passion? When they are fighting, it looks like nothing else matters for them at that moment. For now, it lasts for years. There must be a really deep bond between them.

Also, don't you think it's sad? They are both really lonely. I'm sure that if one of them would disappear, the other would be really anxious about it. It would be like losing a part of your life. Can you actually imagine Ikebukuro without one of them? It's like they come in pair and it's just natural.

And since it looks like Orihara-san is gay, I just can't get rid of the feeling that he has a thing for Heiwajima-san. If not, then why would he be so desperate for our Fortissimo's attention? Ne?

On the other hand, Heiwajima-san is feared by everyone. Poor guy doesn't even have a chance for love! Everyone deserved love! And if you think about it, isn't Orihara-san one of the very few that is not afraid him? Don't you think that they would be a good match?

What I'm trying to say in here, is that they should finally replace those negative emotions with positive ones. Wouldn't it be great if they stopped fighting and instead came to like each other? Besides, I think they really look good together! (^_-)≡

Anyway, they say that 'there is a thin line between love and hate' and I think that this saying can totally relate to them.

So, fujoshis, peace makers and all kind people who just simply want to help this miserable pair, LET'S UNITE! Here, I'm creating the Shizaya Fan Club...

"PFFFFFF!" Namie snorted so hard that she almost spat over the whole screen. There was more but she definitely had enough of it. Not only the post was much more longer, but also, for some reason, a whole bunch of people seemed to agree with the poster, voicing their approval in countless responses. "Ahahahaha!" She was laughing so much that she started crying. "Oh dear, I'm almost pitying him! Oh my god! Hahahaha!"


At the first glance, everything seemed to be so normal. Just another day in the loud and busy Ikebukuro.

A certain debt collector and his bodyguard were slowly walking down the street into the direction of their last debtor's place.

But if one looked closely, there was sweat trickling down from Tanaka Tom's face. Cold sweat. He was looking around with a horrified expression. He stole a glance at his junior, that was just simply staring at the ground while smoking his cigarette. Then, he looked back at the crowd around them and gulped.

"So..." Tom felt a shiver running down his spine as he heard Shizuo's voice. "You said this one is going to be the last for today, Tom-san?"

"O-Oh? Yeah, that's right!" He answered nervously.

"...Tom-san? What's wrong? You look kind of troubled," Shizuo frowned.

"Ahaha..." He is oblivious, isn't he... Tom took a deep breath before speaking again. "Say Shizuo... Didn't you realize that during the whole day, basically everyone was staring at you for some reason...?"

"Huh?" the blond stopped for a moment and with a frown he slowly looked around.

And then his eyes widened.

Indeed, every living soul around them was literally devouring him with their stares. Wherever he looked, he was met with somebody's eyes. Some of them were averting their gazes and some were chuckling once they noticed that he was looking.

His frown deepened. "What the... Is there something on my face or what?" Shizuo asked with hesitation.

"Well, no..." the debt collector replied while scratching the back of his head.

"Then why on earth..." Sure, he was used to stares, glares and so on. After all, not everyone was able to lift a truck. So it was obvious that he drew attention. But what he was not used to, was that all of those people had some weird sparkle in their eyes. Like they were excited or something.

Now, that he thought about it, this day was rather odd. Especially since almost all of today's debtors immediately paid and instead of pissing him off with some damn, stupid excuses, they were congratulating him and wishing him luck for some reason. He didn't dwell on it, since it sure made his work easier and he didn't have to use violence for once. So he was glad.

Once again, he turned his attention to the crowd. People were still gazing at him while whispering something to each other. They were chuckling, squirming, laughing and blabbering.

His eyes narrowed. It reeks...

He bended his cigarette in half before throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. Something reeks in here...

"I'm tellin' you! He must be the seme! There is no other way!" Somebody screamed.

"True, true! He's typical seme!" Someone else replied.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "Seme...?" Now what's that even? They were talking about him, weren't they? Is that some sort of insult? Wait, that meant something akin to 'attacking'. Were they referring to his temper problem? Suddenly he felt angry.

"Oi, so what if I'm 'seme'? You've got a problem with that, huh?!" He barked at the crowd.

Immediately, everyone became silent. They were staring at him with wide eyes.

And then something snapped among them. A huge turmoil occurred.


"OMG, he admitted it!"


"Huh?" Shizuo's frown was really deep by now. Okay, now he was taken aback. Did he said something funny? What sort of reaction is this? They seemed to be so happy. What the hell?

Yeah, something definitely reeks in here...

Suddenly, the crowd once again went 'kyaaaa', pointing somewhere with their fingers. "HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE!" Shizuo snapped his head to the side, following the direction they were showing.

And then he saw it.

That damn fur trimmed jacket.

He was there. That pest. Running in this direction.

He knew something reeked. That fucking cockroach. That was his doing. He probably spread some damn rumors about me, so people would stop blabbering about him being... gay, and shift their attention to me instead.

"IZAAAAYAAAA-KUUUN!" Without thinking, he grabbed the nearest street sign and ripped it off the ground. Then, he threw it like a spear in that pest's direction.

For a moment, Shizuo noticed that the raven's eyes widened, as if he was surprised to see him. Then, the informant quickly dodged the flying object and stopped in his tracks.

"Shizu-chan... Would you believe it if I told you that you are certainly the LAST person I wanted to meet now?" Izaya tried to smirk, but it came out more like a grimace. He indeed looked kind of troubled. But Shizuo didn't give a single fuck if this walking nuisance was worried about something or not. Damn flea needed to be murdered. Now.

"Oh, that's just too bad," the blond said, as he started approaching the other with clenched fists and throbbing veins at his temples. "You see, I'm really glad that you showed up, so I can-" He started, but couldn't finish in due to sudden commotion. Both he and Izaya blinked when they heard people squirming.

"KYAA, he said he's glad to see him!"

"Oh my god, it's happening!"

"Do you think they like each other already?!"

Shizuo's eyes widened. He looked at the people with frustration "WHA-! I didn't mean it like that, dammit!" He turned to Izaya again and gritted his teeth. "You bastard, what kind of shit did you pull this time?!"

"Shizu-chan, I can assure you that this time I have absolutely nothing to do with it," Izaya replied with his eyes narrowed.

"Like HELL I'll believe it!" He rushed at the raven and grabbed his jacket, lifting him slightly from the ground. Immediately, there was a knife pressed against his throat.

"Let me go you protozoan, I was currently on my way to put this absurdity to an end, but of course, you had to appear out of nowhere," Informant was visibly irritated.

"Bullshit! You-" He tried to answer, but again was cut off mid sentence by screams and flashes from phone's cameras.

"UWAAAH, they are SO close!"

"Look, look, just inches away!"

"Heiwajima-san! You should kiss him!"

"Yeah! KISS, KISS!"

"Kiss already!"

They both froze. They looked at each other with terror. Suddenly, the blond realized that indeed, the flea's face was just inches away. Then Shizuo's gaze unintentionally shifted to the raven's lips, parted slightly from shock. He blinked and again looked into Izaya's eyes. Then, they both watched each other blushing furiously. The blond's heart started to beat like a hammer. He quickly let go of the other and turned abruptly to the crowd.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING PEOPLE?!" The bodyguard felt like burning. And just when he thought that those weird thoughts finally left him, now they came back to strike him like thunder, because of what those idiots were saying.

Upon seeing them tremble with excitement and screaming something among the lines of 'look, he's so red' Shizuo just snapped. He lifted a nearby vending machine above his head, ready to throw it. But then he noticed that most of those people were girls. Damn girls. He won't fucking hit a damn girl, no.

Then he noticed something else among the crowd. Something that made him drop the damn vending machine on his own head. He felt hot blood running down his face from the impact, but he didn't care. Not upon seeing what he was seeing.

There was Simon.

Fucking Simon.

He was smiling happily, while holding two little flags, one in each of his hand, with 'Shizaya' written on them, whatever that meant.

"Fighting no good! Make love instead!"

That. Fucking. TRAITOR.

Again, he looked at the flea. To be honest, his face was priceless. He never saw such a frustrated expression on the other, not even once. But the blond was not the one to talk. He could almost feel his own blush. What in the everloving fuck is all of that about?!

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Shizuo heard Izaya's sarcastic voice. "Really funny, my dear humans. Now would you kindly back off?" He was pointing his switchblade at the people. But with such an adorable pink tinge on his face, he really didn't look too intimidating. Jesus Christ, did I just call him adorable?

Shizuo shook his head and took a better look at that pest. He really seemed pissed. So it seriously was not his doing? Then what the hell?! Was that some kind of conspiracy against them both?

Suddenly, the squirming crowd started to get closer. They began trapping him and Izaya in some sort of a circle. All of them started to blabber about kissing, making out, hugging, coming to good terms and that kind of shit. Any of that really didn't help the blond to fight off his blush. NOT AT ALL. Shizuo gulped. This is not good. Something is definitely odd about all of this. He really needed some answers.

And then, his body kind of acted on its own. He quickly grabbed Izaya by his wrist and started running, dragging the utterly shocked by this action raven along. Somehow, they managed to get through the mass of people and soon, they disappeared behind the corner.

The crowd obviously followed shortly after, while screaming 'kyaaaa' on their way.

When the street finally became empty, it revealed a completly petrified Tom, standing there with his face being a perfect example of a 'what the fuck' expression.

He took a deep breath and crossed himself. Then he simply walked away to accomplish his job all by himself.


Chapter Text


The informant thought to himself as he gaped in complete disbelief at the hand that was gripping on his wrist tightly, while he ran alongside no one other than Heiwajima Shizuo aka his archenemy.

...Now what kind of turn of events is that supposed to be?

Okay, so, to sum it up:

Half of Ikebukuro's population apparently went crazy after reading some ridiculous post, deciding that he and Shizu-chan were destined to be together. And now, he and his nemesis were running for their lives, hand in hand, while being chased by an abnormally hyped crowd all around the city.

I mean, seriously...?

While still running, Izaya looked behind, as if to confirm that he didn't go insane.

But yeah, no matter how he looked at it, they were indeed being chased by a squirming mass of people. And said mass of people was getting closer. Which was definitely not good.

At this rate, they would catch up with them, since Shizu-chan, who happened to lead, did not have the slightest idea about how to run away. Which was quite logical, since it was usually him who was running after people, not the other way around. But Izaya, on the other hand, had plenty of experience on how to escape.

Before Shizuo had any chance to react, the informant quickly outpaced him and took the role of leading, dragging the blond along. The raven abruptly swerved into an alleyway. If he remembered correctly, somewhere around here was a narrow space between two buildings, in where he was usually hiding from Shizuo, when he was chasing him. For a second he thought that he would regret showing his hideaway to this brute, but in their current situation, it didn't matter at all.

Without any warning Izaya shoved Shizuo into the tight gap, following closely after. They both lost balance and fell to the ground. But the raven's landing was rather smooth, since he fell on top of the other, as the blond, probably instinctively, wrapped his arms around him and took the whole impact on himself.

"Oi! What the fu-!" Just before that dumb brute would scream and reveal their location, Izaya quickly silenced him by roughly placing his palm against Shizuo's mouth.

They were both laying still, not moving an inch, when they heard the enormous amount of footsteps passing by their hideaway, oblivious about their presence.

When Izaya was sure that the only sound around them was their own ragged breathing, he dared to look at the blond lying beneath him. His gaze was met with Shizuo's widened eyes, and that was when he actually realized how awkward their position was. In an instant, his heartbeat quickened. Arms that were capable of ripping street signs out of the ground were now gently embracing his waist. He could feel the heat that was emanating from blond's body. Rises and falls of his chest matched his owns. The oh-so-familiar light scent of cigarettes, sweat, Irish Spring soap and strawberry shampoo filled his nostrils, almost making him lightheaded. Their faces were just inches apart. Basically, only his own hand was separating their lips from each other. From behind blue shades, wide opened hazel eyes were staring straight into his reddish brown ones. A sudden rush of hot blood invaded his face as he averted his gaze and tried to change their position while not taking his hand of the other's mouth, since he was sure that as soon as he would do that, Shizuo would start to ramble. After few very, very awkward movements they managed to sit opposite to each other, with bent knees, that were still brushing from the lack of space. He looked into the bodyguard's eyes.

"Now, I will take my hand away but don't you dare raise your voice," the raven said quietly, with a voice thet sounded a lot more confident than he was. When the other nodded, he did as promised.

Instantly, Shizuo took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. Really now, was that brute trying to suffocate him, considering how narrow the space between them was? Izaya coughed and waved his hand in order to get rid of the smoke. He was just about to complain but the blond started talking.

"Now explain," He said flatly with his eyes narrowed.

"What exactly?" the informant asked rather playfully, putting on his smirk.

"Don't fuck with me! What the hell is going on?!" And obviously, the dumb idiot had to scream. Really, what was he even seeing in this guy in the first place?

Once again, Izaya shoved his palm to cover Shizuo's lips.

"Did your brain finally implode from the lack of intellectual stimulation, you protozoan?!" He hissed with irritation. "I told you to be quiet, they can still be around somewhere."

The blond grabbed his wrist and removed it from his mouth. "Then would you fucking enlighten me what kind of shit is happening here?" He hissed back, but this time a lot quieter.

"What can you possibly mean by what's happening? Aren't you a Dollars' member?" the raven asked with his face expressionless, as he wondered if the other could actually read.

"Yeah, so what? What does that have to do with anything?" Shizuo barked, visibly starting to get impatient.

Izaya raised an eyebrow at that. "Huh? Well, quite a lot, in fact."

"Meaning?" There was already a vein popping on the blond's temple.

The raven blinked. Don't tell me he's completely oblivious...

"Shizu-chan, say... when was the last time you had an access to the Internet?"

Shizuo's brows furrowed as he searched through his memory. "Two days ago, before I accidentally broke my phone after I saw..." He trailed off and his expression became rather frustrated for a moment. "...Nevermind. Two days ago."

Two days he says... So he indeed is oblivious. The informant couldn't help but laugh inwardly. This might be interesting.

"Oh. Well, apparently it looks like our lovely residents of Ikebukuro thought that we would make an amazing couple. And that they would play the role of matchmakers to get us together," Izaya explained and smirked as he finished.

But Shizuo didn't look convinced at all. Instead, more veins popped on his forehead.

"Oi, listen you pest. I asked a simple question and I'm really not in the mood for your annoying jokes. The only reason why you're still alive is because I can tell that it actually isn't your doing this time, but I'm sure that you must know something. And I want you to tell me."

"Shizu-chan, as much as I would love it to be a joke, I'm afraid it's pure reality," the raven shrugged and sent him an apologetic smile.

"Izaya..." the blond pierced him with a glare as his fists clenched.

The informant sighed and took his phone from the pocket of his jacket. Then he launched the Dollar's message board and handed it to the other. "Here. Please, don't break it."

With a questioning look, Shizuo grabbed the phone. "Why would I? And what I'm supposed to do with it?" He asked and raised his eyebrow.

"You can read, Shizu-chan, right? Then use this ability and take a look at the top subject. And again, don't break it. I really do like this phone."

The blond frowned, but started reading anyway. Izaya couldn't help but smirk. Now what kind of reaction will you show me, Shizu-chan? Even if he thought that, he knew what to expect. Disgust. Rage. Annoyance. Yeah, those were the emotions that would most likely appear on Shizuo' face.

But of course Shizu-chan, being the unpredictable monster he was, had to prove him wrong again, as always acting beyond Izaya's expectations.

The raven watched rather amazed, as the cigarette fell from Shizuo's gaping mouth and his face abruptly turned into a dark shade of red. Just like back there, in that crowd, when Izaya took it as indication of anger. But it seemed like it was not a rage, but... embarrassment? The blond's expression was utterly frustrated and of course, the phone was shattered into pieces, as he smashed it in his hand. "F-For real...?"

Shizuo shifted his eyes from remains of the cellphone to raven's face and just in time Izaya managed to put his smirk back on. "Ahh, and you broke it. Also, I told you. Besides, are you really that dumb, that you couldn't tell? Why else would they want us to kiss?"

"I don't know, okay?! That's why I wanted to ask you!" the blond hissed at him. Suddenly, he stood up from his sitting position and lifted Izaya by the collar of his shirt, slamming him against the wall. "And I swear, if you'll call me dumb or something like that again, I'm going to smear this smug smirk out of your face."

Somehow, the raven managed to hold back a hiss of pain from the impact with the wall. Their close proximity again made Izaya's heart skip a beat. Even so, he kept his cool and smirked again. "Ohoho... Well, if you didn't have such an adorable blush on your face, maybe I would even be intimidated. Why so embarrassed, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo blinked and flushed even more. But his grip on Izaya's shirt only tightened. "Shut up! Who would not be embarrassed after reading something like that?! And ESPECIALLY after what that Erika person has said to me, about pinning you to the nearest flat surface and then- Ugh, dammit! It's just... just wrong!"

Izaya blinked.

Just wrong, huh? Well, ouch.

It stung. It stung him with the same force as always, when blond screamed about his undying hatred for him. Izaya was sure that he already learned how to deal with those unwanted feelings, but they would never cease to surprise him with sudden waves of sorrow. Just like now. So he did the only thing he was able to do in this kind of situations. Put a mask on and respond witch mockery.

"Really? She said something like that? Oh well, if it's so ridiculous to you, then you shouldn't be so affected by it, since it's simply impossible. Or maybe..." He moved closer to the other's face and cooed quietly "Were you considering that...? Maybe you actually wanted to kiss me back there, ne, Shizu-chan? Oh, and also... Pinning me to the nearest flat surface, you say? Isn't it pretty much what you're doing right now? I guess the wall will do as well. So, what did Erika tell you to do next? Shizu-chan?" Izaya lifted his hand and caressed Shizuo's chin with his fingertips in a way that only a lover would do it. He knew that he would regret every word he said and action he committed, but at this point, he was rambling. It was the only way he could get rid of this stinging pain. But the unusual thing was that even if Izaya leaned really close to the blond's face and was literally whispering against the other's lips, Shizuo didn't back off. Instead, he was staring back at him with an unreadable expression. That surely caught the informant off guard, but he kept his smirk in place anyway.

They held a hard stare for few seconds, that for Izaya lasted like eternity, before blond slowly backed off and let go of the other. Then he lit yet another cigarette and calmly exhaled a puff of smoke.

"Then? Do you have any idea how to stop them from all of this?" Shizuo simply said.

Izaya's brows furrowed. Did he just... change the subject? Just like that?

He was expecting a punch. A spat in his face. He expected the blond to say something about throwing up. But what he was not expecting, was a simple change of subject. As if he hadn't said anything. He was literally ignored. Unpredictable as always.

"I'll try to talk some sense into the person who is a the founder of this whole situation. I would be in the middle of it by now, if I didn't meet a certain brute." Izaya just answered, as he simply felt defeated.

"You mean you know who's behind it?" And again, Shizuo acted surprisingly calm.

"Yes, I do. It is the same person who told you those - probably disgusting for you - things." Izaya adjusted his jacket and turned back to the other, ready to leave. "Now if you excuse me, I'll be on my way to accomplish my meeting with her. Besides, I definitely had enough of your presence."

"Then talk to her. It's not fair to blend into somebody's business like that. Despite everything," the blond said as he finished his cigarette. "I'm heading out as well."

And with that, they parted. Izaya was definitely taken aback because of this whole Uterrly Calm Shizuo thing. But he was glad that he could finally go. All of that just made him uneasy. Just when the informant thought that he is far enough to drop his smirk, he heard Shizuo's voice calling after him.

"Oi, flea."

Raven turned around to face the other. "Yes, what else Shizu-chan?"

"What the hell is 'seme'?"

Izaya choked on his own saliva when he heard the question.

"W-Why would you ask me that?" Holding his grin in place was now a really difficult task as he could feel a blush approaching.

"Well, those guys were calling me that. I thought they are referring to my aggression, so I asked them, 'so what if I am?' and they kinda freaked out. I just dunno if I said something funny or what." He scratched the back of his head.

The informant blinked few times. For the love of... he admitted something like that in front of all of those people? Well, isn't that amazing? The raven face-palmed inwardly. This dumb protozoan...

"Oh, well. How should I put that...? Seme is the one in a gay relationship, who is dominant and active, the 'attacking' one. But maybe I'll translate it into brutish, so your tiny brain can assimilate it fully: basically it's the one that is fucking the other, when they have sex. Is your curiosity satisfied now?" Izaya smirked upon seeing Shizuo stiffening and turning red. Then, the informant waved his hand and walked away, leaving the other behind.


Shizuo still didn't move from his spot, even long after Izaya disappeared behind a corner. His cigarette was hanging low from his mouth, nearly burned to its end. His face felt like it was on fire.

"Didn't have to be so blunt, dammit..." the blond murmured as he slowly composed himself and started to walk away. He chose the most secluded alleyways to avoid bumping into any of those jittery people.

He was doing his best to not think about all that happened a while ago. But it was simply impossible.

For first, he just spent a rather long time in the flea's presence and he didn't kill him. It didn't even cross his mind. Moreover, they had something akin to civil conversation. And it wasn't that bad.

For second, they were so absurdly close this whole time... Shizuo could feel his heartbeat quickening at the thought alone. When Izaya fell on him, laid on him... Damn it all if that bastard didn't fit perfectly in his arms. And his face was just inches away. The blond was able to study his unique eyes from really close distance. He noticed that they were more maroon near his pupils and then the color was transitioning into russet, creating the illusion of deeply red irises. His eyes were indeed mesmerizing. His gaze was always piercing, just like he was trying to tore your soul apart with it.

"The hell..." Shizuo smiled at his own poetic comparison.

Subconsciouly, he brought his hand to his mouth at the memory of Izaya's palm covering it. The informant's hand was warm and delicate. He could feel the coldness of the raven's ring against his lips.

And the way he caressed his chin... Shizuo knew it was supposed to be mocking, but it felt too affectionate, too gentle to be completely fake. He could still sense those sparks of electricity in the place where Izaya's fingertips brushed his skin.

Also, he knew that pest long enough to notice that there was something wrong with the way he was looking at him. Almost as if he was... hurt or something.

But what bothered him the most, were Izaya's words, that were echoing in his head up to this moment.

"...if it's so ridiculous to you, then you shouldn't be so affected by it, since it's simply impossible."

He was right back then, wasn't he?

It shouldn't be this much of a big deal, now should it?

Yeah, tell that to those damn butterflies in my stomach, for a fuck's sake.

Takin a deep breath, he walked to the nearest vending machine to buy something to drink, since his throat felt dry. Obviously, he chose strawberry milk. He sat at the nearby bench and slowly sipped from his can. His brows furrowed while he stared at nothing in particular.

"Erika, huh...?" So it was all her doing.

Not only she did mind-fuck him into finding Izaya attractive just by saying a few sentences but also she mind-fucked half of the cities population to share her opinion. Damn, she's worse than that flea actually...

But this post of her... It both made some sense and was ridiculous at the same time. Because sure, life would be much more easier if they stopped fighting but to make them lovers? All of a sudden? The fact that they were both guys was not an issue here. To be honest, Shizuo never even wondered about his sexual preferences, since he didn't even have a chance nor need for it. Besides, it's not about a gender but a the person, right? The real problem was that they were Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya, dammit. Who on their right mind would even pair them together?!

But on the other hand... Who on their right mind would think that Shizuo was finding Izaya's eyes mesmerizing? Or that he would shudder upon the raven's whispers so close to his face? Or that he actually wondered if the informant's lips were as smooth in touch as they looked, when he stared at them?

"Aaaah shit!" Shizuo ran a hand through his messy golden locks. "What the fuck is all of this..."

Then he remembered one more sentence from that post. The one that was nothing but utterly absurd.

"And since it looks like Orihara-san is gay, I just can't get rid of a feeling that he has a thing for Heiwajima-san."

"Tch. As if..." Now that was nonsense. Izaya hated him from the bottom of his heart. Always calling him a monster and so on. There was simply no way for it to be true.

Shizuo tried to ignore the stinging sensation in the pit of his stomach at his own statement. He wanted to light a cigarette, but soon he realized that he ran out of them. He glared angrily at the empty pack. With a sigh he stood up from the bench and headed to the convenience store.


Izaya was standing in the shadows of alleyway as he observed Kadota's gang from afar. He propped himself up against the wall and took another phone from his pocket. It was a good thing that he always had at least two of them on himself. Since Shizu-chan destroyed one. Shame on that.

Then he dialed Karisawa Erika's number and watched from the distance as she stared at her phone rather confused. But she answered after few seconds.

"Hello? Who can that be? Calling from a private number... Or maybe you're dialing from analternate universe or future?! Don't worry, I will save the world!"

Izaya rolled his eyes. Is she answering all private numbers like this...?

"Why hello Erika-chan. Unfortunately, I'm calling from behind a corner and I would appreciate it if you could come here for a moment. Alone. I need to talk to you."

"OOOOH, Iza-Iza! What a surprise!" The raven watched as she walked away from the van and looked around. When she spotted him, she waved her hand with huge enthusiasm. "Sure thing, I'm coming!" Erika hung up and walked to him happily.

As soon as she approached him, she smiled widely.

"Ara! What possibly brings you to me Iza-Iza-chan? What's up?" Erika sent him a grin as she spoke.

Izaya felt his brow twitch in irritation. "Oh, you know, nothing in particular. Maybe except for the fact that someone set up a huge conspiracy against me and my worst enemy and now the whole city is acting like an army of fujoshis. More importantly, what about you, Erika-chan? But wait, let me guess - you are indeed having a lot of fun recently, aren't you?" Raven dropped his smirk and stared at her with narrowed eyes.

"Eeeh? Is that so? Well, I wouldn't say that I'm having fun. Actually, I have a very important mission to accomplish!" She smirked at him.

Instantly, Izaya took out his switchblade and aimed its tip at Erika's face.

"Quit fooling around Karisawa. Well, indeed, that was funny, really. Oh, just hilarious. But now, it's just about time to and this absurdity. I demand you to remove that post along with all of its replies."

The otaku girl only blinked once at the knife in front of her face before she grinned again. "Oh, but Iza-chan, even if I did that, the damage is already done! Everyone loved the idea! Removing those posts wouldn't change a thing at this rate. Besides..." She lowered the blade with her finger and looked straight into Izaya's eyes. "Shouldn't you be grateful? Finally, some things are changing between you two. Aren't you already tired of hiding your emotions? Loving someone for so many years and receiving nothing but hatred in return. My heart is bleeding from the thought alone! So here I am! Helping you! And what do I get? Oh, Iza-Iza, I'm wounded!" She gripped at her chest as if to demonstrate her pain.

But all Izaya could do, was to stare at her in disbelief. He felt a drop of cold sweat running down his face. He took a few steps back. No. No, no, no.

"What..." He managed to stutter.

"Ahaha! What's with that face?" She laughed warmly "Don't tell me that there is a shinigami standing behind me!"

No. Nonono. He could bear with the fact that Shinra knew he's attracted to the same gender. But what he wouldn't be able to bear with, was somebody, anybody, actually knowing what he felt for that brute. He quickly composed himself and moved closer to Erika's face, only few centimeters away, as he pierced her with hard stare.

"Now what kind of utter nonsense are you saying here Erika-chan?" He said slowly, in calm manner. "Me, loving that brainless, inane Neandrethal? This monster? Really now?" He tried to chuckle but it came out rather grotesque.

But Erika, being her usual self, was not intimidated at all. Instead, she smiled even more.

"Awww!" She clapped her hands together. "Iza-chan is such an adorable tsundere! Tho, I always considered you as yandere, but I guess I was mistaken! Don't worry, I will not tell anyone!"

Izaya gritted his teeth, as he realized that there was no way to dissuade her from thinking so.

"Listen Erika. You will not destroy what I was creating for years just because of your sick BL fantasies. Life is not a manga. Shizu-chan hates me and he believes that I hate him as well. And let it stay like this, are we clear? If you will do as much as try to interfere even more, I'll be forced to kill you and that is something we both don't want to happen, ne?" He hissed at her while keeping his smirk in place.

"Uwaah! Iza-Iza is scary! Okay, I'm taking back my words, it's definitely yandere! Yandere!" She lifted her arms in a gesture of surrender. "But no worries, I don't think I have to do anything anymore! Like I said, the damage is done!" She grinned widely. But then for a second, her expression turned to a serious one. "And what you mean by destroying what you created? You mean those walls you built around yourself, trapping yourself in denial and sorrow? I personally think that it would be better for your happiness if they indeed were destroyed." And again her warm smile returned. "Well, if that's all, I'll head back! Yumachi bought an awesome novel, y'know!" Then, with a smile she turned on her heel and started to walk away, leaving Izaya at a loss for words.

But after few seconds, she turned around to him once more.

"Oh, and if you are wondering how I knew, I guess you can call it my 'yaoi senses'!" She winked and waved her hand before she disappeared from Izaya's field of vision.

The raven leaned against the wall, before he slide down and sat on the ground. Then, he ran both of his hands through his hair as he exhaled shakily, in a lame attempt to calm himself.

"Well... That was unexpected..."

Chapter Text

He pushed heavy doors open. A chilly breeze of spring wind met his skin as he stepped on Raijin High's rooftop. He smiled and inhaled the fresh air, letting it fill his lungs. He was holding a magazine under his armpit.

After two years of attending high school, it was still his favorite spot.

For first, it was his own, precious observatory. There was no better place in the entire school from where he could observe his beloved humans.

For a second, it was providing a seclusion. In contrast to other schools, Raijin's students were rather avoiding its rooftop.

Izaya took a few more steps and looked around to find a good spot to rest and read the newest issue of his favorite periodical. He stopped when suddenly his nostrils caught a light scent of smoke. He couldn't help but smirk. In an instant, he rolled the magazine up and pocketed it in his school pants. Instead, he took his flick knife out. A familiar rush of adrenaline suffused his veins.

That's right. The reason why other students weren't visiting the roof, was because it was often occupied by a certain beast, who changed it into a monster's den. Just like now.

The raven entered his stealth mode and tip-toed further into the roof area. His guard was up - he was prepared for an ambush. Well, at least as much as one could be prepared for a vending machine or other ridiculously heavy projectile to be thrown at him.

Apparently, the rooftop was not only his favorite spot. Heiwajima Shizuo, known as a local fighting machine and his nemesis, was spending a lot of his launch breaks here as well. It was a perfect place for him to cultivate his recently vested smoking habit.

Izaya took few more steps and then he saw him.

The Monster.

The blond haired beast was currently laying on one of the benches, basking in the sun.

Izaya's grin widened while he was approaching the other. He pointed his blade at the blond and was just about to call after Shizuo, but was interrupted by a snore.

Hang on.


The slightly confused raven furrowed his brows and lowered the knife. He walked closer, until he could take a better look at the other.

And of course. The idiot was sleeping.


What an amazing place to take a nap in. Especially if your sworn enemy can come here at any second and slit your throat open.

Yeah, perfect. At least in this protozoanish brain.

With a sigh, Izaya quietly flicked his knife close and pocketed it. There aren't many chances to watch a beast in its slumber, now are there? The raven could always take a few photos of drooling Shizuo and place them all around the school.

Oh god. That would be hilarious. Izaya would be so dead after that one, but hell.

Forcing back a giggle the raven took a few more steps until he was standing just next to Shizuo's sleeping form. His face became expressionless as he stared-... observed the other.

The blond was laying on his back, his arms were crossed behind his head. Izaya couldn't hold back a genuine smile that appeared on his lips as he noticed that on one side of Shizuo's face laid a pack of cigarettes and on the opposite, was a carton of strawberry milk. Really, that guy was the embodiment of contradictions.

Izaya didn't even register at which point he bent down to shorten the distance between them a little. He was just drinking in the odd sight of Shizuo's face that was lacking its usual frown. His features were calm, relaxed - not dripping with venom and malice, as they always were when the raven was anywhere near him. Well, at least when Shizuo was aware of his presence.

Izaya's eyes were wandering all around the blond's countenance, almost greedily, absorbing every detail of it. Strong jaw line, linear nose, slightly parted, full lips... The raven swallowed hard as his gaze stopped there for definitely too long to his liking. Instead, he looked at his closed eyes. Eyes that were usually stormy, intimidating and inflamed with passion. Dark lashes were casting a shadow on his cheekbones. One of his eyelids was trembling, since some of the blond strands were poking into it. Without a second thought, Izaya slowly and as gently as it was probably possible, brushed away the unruly wisps of golden hair with his fingertips. Then his eyes traveled down to the other's neck and collarbones that were slightly exposed since Shizuo's shirt was unbuttoned at its top. His chest was slowly going up and down, as he was breathing steadily in sleep. At some point Izaya was jealous of it, since his own breath was uneven, almost shaky, and his heart was literally hammering.

How could a monster like him be such a perfect example of an extremely handsome human male? That would always remain a mystery for Izaya.

How could one be so unpredictable, dense, destructive, illogical, irrational, outrageous, vehement and at the same time being so perceptive, sharp, caring, kind, warmhearted, mellow and... fascinating? Another thing that Izaya was not capable of knowing. But he knew one thing. For him - for some reason - Shizuo, that beast, monster, protozoan - was like a magnet.

Izaya was not entirely sure when he leaned so close to the other, that his own raven strains were almost brushing the beast's face. He found himself inhaling deeply and his nose caught a scent that was a mix of tobacco smoke, sweat, Irish Spring soap and strawberry shampoo. Again, his gaze shifted to the blond's lips, that were so close to his own...

But then, a sudden change of Shizuo's expression snapped him out of his dazed state. The blond's nose wrinkled and his brows knitted together. The raven literally froze as the other groaned quietly in his sleep.

"Damn flea..." Shizuo murmured, but -oh thanks to all deities- he didn't wake up.

That actually made Izaya realize what the fuck he was doing, and in one swift movement he straightened himself and took a few shaky steps backwards. He placed a hand on his chest and felt the rapid beating of his heart. His face felt like it was on fire. He turned on his heel and quietly rushed out of the damn rooftop, back into school building...

...Slowly Izaya's eyes fluttered open. Russet irises, still dazed from sleep, stared blankly at the celling of his bedroom. He closed them again and sighed deeply. Then he lifted himself into a sitting position and ran a hand over his face, that was flushed as the emotions from his dream still hadn't faded away fully.

Really now, the human brain was capable of storing and recalling an almost infinite amount of memories, and here he just dreamt about this exact one.

Well, big middle finger to you as well, subconscious.

He glanced lazily at the alarm clock on his night stand. 9:47 AM. Ahh, isn't that just perfect. Of course he made all of those phone calls he was supposed to do at strict 8 AM. And obviously he sent that e-mail 'as soon as possible' to Awakusu-kai with detailed information about a certain corporation involved with the black market, and certainly he already did the research on those pieces of information after all.

It indeed was amazing that he had such a kind secretary, that would always wake him up if he overslept.

Well, that's what you get after three sleepless nights in a row. Oversleeping.

It was also three days ago, when he last saw Shizuo, back in that alleyway. And the exact same Shizuo, as well as this whole talk with Erika, were occupying his mind since then, making it impossible to work or sleep. And when he finally managed to actually fall asleep he dreamt about him. Oh come on.

The raven stood up from his bed and went straight to his bathroom. He leaned over the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment. There was still that blush on his face. He tsked and decided for a cold shower in this particular, miserable morning.

He stripped and entered the cabin. He tried his best to not squeal like a little girl that noticed a spider, as icy-cold water hit his skin.

Second year of high school, huh?

Well, that indeed had been a hard time for the future informant. It was about then when he realized the true nature of his feelings towards that monster. And at that exact day he dreamed of, the raven actually noticed how strongly he was attracted to Shizuo.

There were no words to describe how much he was confused, horrified and freaked out upon that realization.

Sure, spreading some nasty rumors about Shizu-chan, and stealing every love letter that was left in his shoe locker in order to keep girls and any eventual romance away from him was fun.

Yeah, it was fun indeed.

Until Izaya realized he was doing it out of jealousy.

After that, it was no fun.

Not at all.

Back then, a very quiet, collected voice from the corner of his mind informed him that he was in deep shit.

He could still remember how he went through all Five Stages Of Grief.

The Denial - Because, 'Oh come on. It's simply impossible. Pure absurd. Firstly, I love the humanity. Not individuals, and especially not monsters.'

The Anger - Because 'Damn you, you brainless, dumb, stupid, useless, unwanted and additionally dumb freak of nature. Here, take all of those gang members, delinquents and- oh whatever is needed- and vanish from the surface of Earth which you are polluting with your pathetic existence.'

The Bargaining - Because 'Tch. Well, isn't that obvious? I probably mistook love and hate. The physical symptoms of those emotions are quite similar.'

The Depression - Because '. . . '

And The Acceptance - Because 'That's it. I'm out. Okay. I got it. So... hypothetically speaking, killing him would solve the problem? I presume that yes. So it's settled.'

The funny part is that he was still sticking to that opinion...

At this point, the only thing he could do, was to cover those feelings up with all the negativity and loathing that he could squeeze out of this whole situation.

Because hate can be comfortable for the hater but painful for the hated.

And love can be painful for the lover and comfortable for the loved - especially the love that would never be returned.

It was his charge as a selfish human being to enjoy hate and ignore love. To focus on his own comfort and Shizu-chan's pain. His own discomfort was far worse a thing than the blond's pain, simply because of who owns what. Perception is reality - especially in hate. Love scared him. It could rock his thoughts and rattle his emotions. It was irrational. Unreasonable. Illogical. Love was entertaining to watch from afar. But once he was a victim of it, it was a completely different matter.

Hatred gave him the illusion of control because he thought he could understand it. Love confused him, though it's one of nature's base values. There was love before there was hate. But hate has reigned longer than love.

A strong shiver that ran down his spine reminded him that he was still standing in streams of cold water. I guess this is exactly what they call 'a deep shower thoughts'...

He quickly stepped out of the cabin and proceed with drying himself. After he was done with dressing up in his usual dark attire (well, isn't black awesome?) he headed into his office area.

Namie was already seated on the couch and dealing with some paperwork. Her brand new laptop was opened on the coffee table. A brand new laptop that he obviously had to buy because she kept bitching about how it was his fault in the first place that the old one was broken.

"Why thank you so much, dear Namie-san, for waking me up at a proper hour. That indeed saved me a lot of trouble," Izaya remarked, with a generous dose of sweet sarcasm as he smiled his usual smile and walked to his desk.

"Serves you right, after slacking off for three or more days and forcing all of your work on me instead. Do I look like an informant? Maybe now you will finally get your ass to work-" She stopped talking as soon as she finally looked at the raven."Wow, you look like a trash."

Izaya sighed. "Oh well, don't flatter me so much this early in the morning, Namie-san. What's with this flirtatious attitude? Did you finally fall for me?"

"I'm not even slightly interested in sick homo bastards."

"Of course you're not," the informant snorted. "Little brothers are more likely to be in your interest. Which actually makes me wonder why you are even calling me sick, since you're not only favouring incest but are also a pedophile. Besides, what's with all of that, are you homophobic Namie-san?" Izaya retorted with a smile.

Namie reddened from anger and shoot him a glare that would certainly kill if it was possible. "I am Orihara-Izaya-phobic."

"Oh, is that so?" the raven only chuckled to that and turned his computer on.

Izaya tried to work. He really did. But after sending four e-mails to the wrong addresses, and seven failed attempts at hacking into a company's database a deep sigh escaped his lips. He straightened in his seat and glared angrily at his messed up coding. Then he sighed once again. He turned his attention to his secretary.

"Ne, Namie-san. Tell me, what is the opposite of love?"

She stopped typing away on her laptop and sent him a questioning look. "Isn't that a rather random question?"

"And your answer?"

"Hmph. It is quite obvious that it's hatred."

"But is it really?" He spun on his swivel chair until he faced a window. "There is that old saying: The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And another saying: There's a thin line between love and hate. Which makes me want to ask another question. What is the difference between love and hate then, Namie-san?"

Namie raised an eyebrow, visibly taken aback by this sudden topic. "I can't even see the point in asking such a question. The difference is too colossal to even bother talking about it."

"You think so?" He stood up from the chair and walked closer to the window. "Are love and hate really all that different? They both make humans act irrationally. They both cloud their thinking and judgment. They've both sparked wars, poetry, and some of the greatest epics of all time. They both make humans' hearts race, their pupils dilate, and their palms sweat." Izaya explained, as he walked to his board game and picked up one of his pawns. "Well, I can even go as far as to say that it has been proven by scientific research. When neuroimaging subjects looked at the faces of people they strongly hated some region in the brain, insula? Pardon me, I'm not the specialist," he said as he moved the queen across the chess board. "Anyway, it was activated more than it was with neutral faces, which also happens when you look at faces that make you feel - yes, you guessed it just right - passionate, romantic love," he smirked at her widely. "This in itself is not very informative. But more importantly, the insula does not have anything to do with what type of emotions you experience… just their intensity. Whether those emotions are positive or negative mean nothing to that little human brain region. All its activation means is that when you see a face, you feel. Very. Strongly. About. That. Person." Izaya spelled each of those words slowly and loudly as he placed the black king and the white queen opposite each other.

He smiled to himself when he finished his lecture. The similarity between love and hatred was something that helped him to deal with those unwanted feelings. It gave him a hope that maybe one day, he would finally come to hate this monster instead of... Well, this.

But Namie, whose face didn't show any particular interest, just stared at him blankly.

"That's cool and all, but are you done now? If yes, then please take care of your work, so I can leave already. I'm meeting with Seji and that little bitch today."

Izaya frowned a little, as he had been utterly, evidently and manifestly ignored while he poured his heart out. "Ahh... Namie-san, so cold. Sometimes I think that talking to Celty's head feels less like a monologue than talking to you," he said as he walked back to his desk and slumped in his chair heavily.

"You can even talk to the wall for all I care," she said flatly as she stood up from the couch, gathered three ring binders in her arms and went to place them on the shelf.

The raven was just about to retort something but was interrupted by sudden turmoil somewhere outside his apartment doors. Shortly after, loud, deep voice echoed.


Both he and Namie froze as his doors was literally kicked out of its hinges and flew past his secretary, missing her by only few inches. It landed in the middle of his office. In his door frame stood no one other than the very troubled looking Heiwajima Shizuo, who was holding a book.

Wait, a book? Shouldn't that be a lamp post or something? He could almost see those articles. 'Orihara Izaya, information broker of Shinjuku, killed by a book'.

Anyway, a very troubled looking Heiwajima Shizuo with a book, stormed into his office and glared at the raven as he walked in his direction. Instantly, Izaya took his switchblade out of his pocket and opened it under his desk. But apart from that, he didn't move at all. Instead he smirked widely at the blond.

"Oh, It's Shizu-chan. Fancy seeing you here. For what do I owe the pleasure?" Actually, he really was curious about that. Especially since Izaya was thinking about him for the last few days almost all the time, and now he suddenly appeared in the raven's apartment out of nowhere.

But Shizuo said nothing, until he approached the desk and slammed the book on its surface.

"THIS was placed in my mail box this morning!" He screamed, while not bothering to hide his frustration.

Izaya lifted an eyebrow before he shifted his attention to the tome.

'The Gay Man's Kama Sutra'

The raven blinked a few times to make sure he read it right. Then he looked at Shizuo, whose face was flushed a bit. The hazel eyes were piercing his reddish brown ones and he could feel his own face heat up. To be honest he had no idea what was just happening or what to say. Because... Well... All of s sudden, Shizu-chan came to his office and instead of an immediate attempt of attack, as it would usually be, he was waving around with a Kamasutra book. And that definitely was odd. But more or less fortunately, he didn't have a chance to say anything, because the blond started talking again.

"And that's not all. THOSE..." Shizuo exclaimed as he began emptying his pockets. Soon, there were nine packs of condoms and two bottles of lube on Izaya's desk. "... were literraly shoved in my hands by some random chicks on my way here! And look, those here are even glowing in the dark, dammit! I mean, what the fuck?!" He continued, pointing at one of the condoms packs. "But hell, I have like thirty eight more packs at my place! And seven more bottles of that! Not to fucking mention all of those mangas labeled as 'yaoi' that somebody sent to my apartment. AND letters, that were including some sort of pieces of advice, like 'remember to never go in without preparation', 'always be gentle' or 'missionary is the best because you can look into your partner's eyes'. THIS. IS. GOING. TOO. FAR." By the time he finished, he was breathing heavily, his fists were clenched and his face was even more red.

But Izaya could only stare at the pile of things that had formed on his desk. If one would gather all of these in a box, along with the book, it could be labeled as 'Gay Sex For Dummies' Inventory. The raven didn't dare to lift his eyes at the other as his face was probably equally red as Shizuo's. Even so, he forced a smirk on his lips and chuckled nervously.

"Oh," Izaya said intelligently, pocketed his knife back and picked the Kama Sutra book up. He flipped through few pages of it. Dang, isn't that one detailed... "I see..." He was aware that he sounded like a confused school girl. But he was at a loss for words. He couldn't define if this whole situation was more frustrating, embarrassing or preposterous. He was also aware that if he did not say something soon, it would get even more awkward. So, as he was out of options, he entered his mockery mode.

"And did you enjoy your reading, Shizu-chan?" He pointed at the book.

"NOT AT ALL," the blond said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, so you actually did read it?" the raven smirked.

Shizuo's eyes widened. "Wha- NO, I just- I mean- OH SHUT THE FUCK UP. I have no fucking idea at which point you find it funny you damn pest."

"Funny? More like hilarious," Izaya chuckled. "Well, you should be glad they didn't sent you a dildo," he added and examined the pack of glowing condoms in his hands. There was a picture of Jedi on it, with the caption 'Unleash your Force!'.

He heard another grit of blond's teeth, but before Shizuo snapped, Namie's voice echoed from behind, reminding them about her presence. They both turned their attention to her.

"Pfff... That... That reminds me... There was a package at the door frame when I got here. It contained a vibrator and a note that said 'If you ever get lonely. Good luck Orihara-san!'" She was shaking rapidly and her eyes were watery since she was trying her best to not burst out with laughter.

Izaya's mockery mode was abruptly turned off and his smirk dropped equally fast. Another process of 'first-turning-white-then-furiously-red' struck him as he dropped the condom box.

"HUH?" He stood up suddenly and slammed both of his hands on the desk, making the whole 'Gay Sex For Dummies' Inventory jump. Apparently it seemed like his change of expression was all that Namie needed to erupt with laughter. She was crying tears of joy as she clenched on her sides. For a second the raven thought that for Namie, witnessing this conversation was probably better than a payday, so she wouldn't be needing any salary this month.

Really. Those fujoshis were indeed crossing a line. When Izaya was busy with counting backwards to ten - in Russian - inwardly, he heard a snort. He looked up at Shizuo.

"Yeah, hilarious, isn't it?" The blond was grinning at him, visibly amused with the way karma decided to kick him in the ass. "As you can see, you're as deep in this shit as I am."

Izaya took a deep, frustrated sigh as he slumped back into his chair.

"Whatever Shizu-chan. Now, would you explain if there is any other purpose of your visit, besides of boasting about your little gifts? If not, then I would appreciate your departure."

"That's not gonna happen," Shizuo stated calmly as he lit a cigarette. His expression changed into a serious one.

"Pardon me?" the raven lifted an eyebrow.

"I'm not leaving this place before you do something about all of that."

Izaya blinked at that. "And please enlighten me, how do you expect me to do anything? You said it yourself, I'm the victim here as well, Shizu-chan."

"I don't know. You're the almighty informant here, aren't you? If you can screw up anyone's life at any time, I'm pretty damn sure you can come up with something," the blond said as he simply approached the couch and made himself comfortable. "You have an ashtray, flea?"

But 'the flea' just stared at him. "You must be kidding me..."

"Well..." Namie, who's laughing attack had just finished, suddenly interjected. "In that case, I'm taking a day off. I wouldn't like to be a bother in this sweet love nest," she announced and started to gather her belongings. Shizuo choked on smoke and Izaya sent her the most deadly glare possible. In exchange for her remark he decided to not inform her about the huge black circles she had under her eyes from the mixture of tears and mascara. But at the same second she left the apartment a huge realization hit him.

He was going to stay with Heiwajima Shizuo. Alone. In One Room.

With Heiwajima Shizuo, who was not trying to kill him, but was casually sitting on his couch. The kind of Heiwajima Shizuo, he had no idea how to deal with.

If anybody thought that Izaya was okay with this fact, he was gravely misinformed.

"O-Oi, Namie!" He desperately called after her, but she was gone.

A long silence occurred.

"So... What about that ashtray?" the blond said after a few seconds.

And Izaya wondered what would be better. Jumping out of window or slitting his own throat.

Chapter Text

Well... It looks like being a shady little shit pays pretty damn well in these days...

Shizuo thought to himself, as he shifted slightly in Izaya's couch, that was so comfortable, it was almost unsettling. The damn thing probably cost more than every single piece of his own furniture put together. Not to mention the size of this whole place. Damn, the office area alone was already bigger than the blond's entire apartment. And those huge ass windows. Tch. Who would need a shit like that? The whole place was just screaming 'look, I'm so wealthy and so much better than you could ever be, now go and bathe in my awesomeness'. Shizuo felt his brow twitch at his thoughts. Izaya's place was just like its owner - superb, fancy and flashy at the first glance, but still empty, dark and lonely on the inside.

He shifted his gaze to the board game placed on the coffee table. Shizuo frowned. What the fuck was that even? The damned thing contained the paws from three different games, shattered all around the board in some specific positions. He felt irritated just by looking at it. It didn't make any sense, just like the flea himself. The entire apartment, along with its content, was just too flea-like.

He was so lost in thoughts that he almost didn't notice it when Izaya approached him hesitantly. The raven placed an ashtray on the coffee table, extending his arm as far as possible to avoid getting any closer to Shizuo than it was necessary. The blond almost snorted at that. What the hell was he doing? Sneaking to some sleeping lion or what? Shizuo lifted his head to look at the informant, but wasn't able to meet his eyes, since the other was obviously averting his gaze to anywhere but Shizuo. When he reached out for the ashtray, Izaya immediately took a step back. Shizuo blinked at that.

"Oi, no need to be so jumpy, dammit. I'm not here to beat you up, you know?"

Izaya looked at him with a blank expression for less than a second before he turned around and walked to one of the armchairs, placed opposite to the couch Shizuo was using . "That is what worries me the most Shizu-chan," he said with a sigh as he sat down heavily. "And what now? Should I offer you something to drink maybe?" the raven added in a sarcastic tone and crossed his legs, changing his position into the arrogant, flea-like one.

Shizuo frowned at him and turned his attention to the cigarette he was smoking. "No thanks. I don't really want to be poisoned."

Izaya chuckled. "Why of course you would say that. But as much as I would love the idea of poisoning you, I don't think there is any substance toxic enough to bring down a monster of your kind. Well, at least I don't have access to poisons this strong. I'm pretty sure the arsenic trioxide Namie thought she hid well from me in the kitchen, wouldn't do the trick. I probably would have to contact the local zoo's personel to obtain some kind of tranquilizer they are using to sedate rhinos, elephants or..."

At this point Shizuo's brow was twitching and his cigarette was bent in half.

"CAN YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!" he snapped and shoved the remains of his cancer stick into the ashtray with a little bit too much force, so the poor thing cracked. "God damn it, are you always rambling like that when you find yourself in uncomfortable situations?" he said through gritted teeth. "I know you long enough to notice the way you always start to flap your lips like the damn chatterbox, throwing insults that don't make any sense at all, each time you're feeling somehow troubled. And people wonder why the hell you're pissing me off so much, while you're doing it on fucking purpose, trying so damn hard to make me lose my shit on you! Why can't you have a proper, civil conversation with me, like with any other human, while I came here without the damn intend to kill you for once in the entire fucking life time?! I know this damn situation is probably as annoying for you as it is for me, so that's why I want to settle it down with you, since no matter if you want it or not, we are both involved in this shit."

Shizuo closed his eyes and prepared himself for a wave of anger as he waited for about ten seconds for some sort of witty remark about him not being human at all so the 'civil conversation' with him was to no avail or other shit like that.

But it never came. He frowned.

Holy shit, Izaya acutally shut up.

Blinking his shock away, he snapped his head up to steal a glance at the flea.

Izaya was staring at him with the expression that could only be described as a totall disbelief. His brows were knitted together and his mouth was formed into a perfect, little "o". His reddish-brown eyes were wider than usual and locked on Shizuo. He suddenly looked like he was a few years younger, since the lack of smirk and smugness visibly softened his features.

And NO, it did not look cute.


Yeah, not in the million years.

After a few seconds, the raven closed his mouth and averted his gaze to the side. Then he cleared his throat.

"I... I'll just make tea," he said and stood up, making his way to the kitchen.

For a moment Shizuo's eyes followed Izaya's departure with a frown. Okay, that was actually odd. He was not sure what startled Izaya so much, but hell, he shut up. The blond shrugged and propped himself against the back of the couch.

Shit really just got serious. The last few days were insane. Insane enough to make him visit the pest personally. And that meant a lot.

The amount of weird packages he received recently was just ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the amount of the awkward boners with which he had to deal with after checking the content of the 'gifts'. And all of those innuendos that linked the said content with Izaya didn't make it any easier for him. Not at all.

Also, working became almost impossible. Not with all of those random people bugging him in the middle of the street and asking question about his sexual life with Izaya. What the actual fuck? Even if that kind of thing existed, he surely wouldn't be talking about it with fucking strangers.

He blinked and shook his head as he suddenly felt hot at the thought of his and Izaya's sexual life actually existing. Shizuo's brain got the firm command to shut up.

Recently, his imagination was doing some seriously weird shit. There was even a pretty decent crater in the wall of his apartment after he banged his head against it, when his thoughts got too much out of hand. Sure, he was used to think about Izaya a lot, since, well... They were trying to kill each other for almost a decade by now. But he was not used to think about Izaya in that kind of manner. After all of those insinuations and the feral realization that the flea indeed was pretty damn attractive, his thoughts about him were thrown onto a whole new level. Shizuo was terrified of how much he liked the idea of shoving something different from a vending machine or a street sigh up that bastard's ass.

And holy hell... That Kama Sutra thing...

Okay, so he looked through it. Just out of curiosity. Yeah, not a big deal. But fuck, that was a mistake. He actually needed a cold shower after that. And as soon as he was done with it, he came in here, because that was just too much. Because at this point, his sexual frustration was getting on its edge. And to be totally honest, he would never consider the possibility that the term of 'sexual frustration' would be ever somehow, anyhow, linked with Izaya in his mind. But oh well, it looked like he was mistaken.

He was still frowning at his imagination when he heard Izaya approaching.

The flea was carring a tray with a steaming tea set. He offhandedly overstepped the door lying in the middle of the room and placed the tray on the coffee table. "Here, suit yourself," he said and moved to sit back on the armchair. Still avoiding eye contact with Shizuo, he poured himself a cup of tea from the pot. "So..." Izaya started, "what exactly do you expect to be the result of your not-really-pleasant visit?"

With his trademark frown and folded arms, the blond watched as Izaya took a sip from his mug. "Well, I told you already, didn't I? This shit is getting too intense. I can't even work properly. Not when some random chick approaches me out of sudden and ask what kind of expression you're making when you cum-"

"PFT," Izaya snorted hard, spilling the content of his tea all over the coffee table as he was thrown into a sudden coughing fit. Shizuo waited patiently for the raven to calm down. The corner of blond's lips quirked upright. Serves him right for his bluntness from a few days ago.

The informant composed himself and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. "Well... That's..."

"Yeah..." Shizuo finished for him, when Izaya went silent, "I know."


For a moment they were both quiet. Apparently it looked like the raven found something thrillingly fascinating at the other side of his window since his gaze was glued there. His lips were formed into a thin line. His whole frame had tensed. Now, when the blond looked closely, without that jacket of his, Izaya appeared to be really thin. And with his shoulders hunched in torment, he looked even smaller.

Shizuo watched his discomfort for a few seconds before he decided to finally continue. "As you can see, this shit indeed is intense. Something needs to be done. Unlike you, I don't have this damn convenience of working from home. I need to be there, outside, and deal with this shit while you are sitting on your scrawny ass not worring about a thing."

Izaya's head snapped in his direction. "Excuse me? Not worrying about a thing? Ha!" he laughed bitterly. "You have no idea what I'm going through, you single-celled protozoan," the raven hissed at him with his eyes narrowed. "Just because I'm at home doesn't mean that I'm not affected. I have a reputation to hold onto and clients to lose."

"Really?" At this point, Shizuo stood up with clenched fists. "If you're so fucking worried about your reputation, you shouldn't be whoring yourself so openly with random people in damn alleys."

The raven let out a dark chuckle before he stood up as well. "Please, Shizu-chan, I'm afraid it's absolutely not your business where and with whom I'm doing what."

They made a few steps in each other's direction. "Well, it actually is my damn business when in result of your fucking actions I am somehow involved. This shit is your fault."

At this rate, they were standing close. "Oh, at least I was not screaming around about me being the uke. O-or seme or whatever, confirming our lovely matchmakers in their ideas."

Shizuo felt himself flushing at the damn memory."Shut up." He grabbed Izaya by the front of his shirt. "I wouldn't be confirming anyone in the first place, if they didn't have a reason for those damn insinuations, which you gave them."

In split of a second, there was a blade pressed to the blond's jaw. The pest was always taking those damn knives out of nowhere. "No, Shizu-chan, you shut up. Well, I'm so sorry, for being a normal human with normal urges. But I guess you won't get it, since you're just a monster. It is not my fault that they took those pictures, and especially it's not my fault that they are pairing us together."

"Fuck you, Izaya. You can't deny that this bullshit started on your behalf. And now you will do something about it, and I don't give a crap what. Since you're a fucking smart-ass-I-know-it-fucking-all pest, you surely can think of something. If framing innocent people is so easy for you then this should be a piece of cake."

Izaya let out another ironic chuckle. "I'll ask again, what the fuck are you expecting me to do, you brainless pile of muscles? Even if there was a possible way out of this, I can't do it alone, it would require your cooperation and I presume your cooperation is unavailable, since teamwork usually needs at least two intelligent life forms."

"Fuck this shit, I would fucking cooperate if that's necessary, you parasite. And I fucking swear, one more insult and your damn, pretty face will become one with the wall."

"Oh thank you so much for finding me pretty, Shizu-chan. That's flattering, really."

This actually shut him up, since he realized that indeed he just called Izaya pretty. Normally, he would probably be embarrassed, but now he was just too pissed. They went silent for a moment as they participated in their own, little staring contest. They were both breathing heavily by now, standing so close to each other that their faces were just inches away. Izaya's crimson-red eyes were dilated and inflamed with passion, piercing Shizuo just like the tip of the raven's knife was piercing the skin on his jaw line. The blond's whole body was burning with anger and something he could not quite decipher. Izaya was so close he could feel the heat emanating from him, he could feel his hot breath ghosting against his own skin. Shizuo wondered how the hell it was possible to want punch someone and kiss them at the same time. He quickly shoved the other off, before he would do something reckless, since his thoughts were getting out of hand again.

Shizuo took a step back and sighed, before he lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs, letting the nicotine to spread across his system. He closed his eyes and waited for the tranquility to be delivered with the cigarette fumes.

"Listen," he started with the exhale, "this will get us nowhere. There must be something we can do." He opened his eyes again and looked at Izaya. The raven was standing still, his hold on the knife was so strong that his knuckles paled. His face was flushed a bit, either from rage, determination, fluster or something else. Then his lips curved into this damn smirk of his, and Shizuo already knew that whatever the raven was about to say, it was going to be annoying.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, it indeed is flattering, that you're thinking so highly about me, but despite how close to the truth it might be, I am not capable of solving everything. What could we possibly do? Kill everyone who wants us to be together?" he said and giggled. "The mass extermination already took place during World War Two. You would know it if you paid enough attention in your classes. But obviously you didn't, since you're an oaf." Shizuo felt his blood boiling, but he still stayed quiet.

Then, Izaya spun around and thrown his arms in the air. "Oh, but wait! Why so dramatic!" he exclaimed in an annoying manner that made the bodyguards's brow twitch. "You know, Shizu-chan? We can always start to pretend that we're getting along, so they would all think that their goal was acquired and they would simply let it go! What a wonderful idea!" Izaya's voice was dripping with sarcasm. He ended his speech with forced laugh and waved his hand in theatrical way.

But Shizuo was not listening to him anymore.

The blond just stared at him in awe when Izaya's words sunk in.



" I knew it..."

Izaya was still turned back to Shizuo when he heard his voice. The raven slowly spun around with a smirk to face him again. He was prepared for another outburst of anger. But what he saw was something he did not expect.

Shizuo was grinning.

He was grinning this ruthlessly handsome grin, a sincere grin full of relief and amusement.

Oh god, no.

GOD DAMNIT, no, Shizu-chan.

Izaya watched in pure apprehension as the other started to approach him, smiling like a dork, emanating with hope, determination and easiness.

He IS NOT considering that. NO WAY.

But then Shizuo placed both of his hands on Izaya's shoulders and patted them in genial manner. "I knew that you would come up with something!" the blond exclaimed happily to Izaya's totall demise, reaffirming his greatest fears.

The dumb idiot was indeed considering it.

The informant felt a droplets of cold sweat forming on his forehead. "Shizu-chan..." he started, and swallowed hard, "that was a joke. A joke."

But Shizuo was not listening. He was still smiling widely. Smiling in a way that was never directed to Izaya before. "That damn scheming brain of yours finally is useful for once!"

At this point, the raven felt dizzy.

"Shizu-chan, for the love of god, SHUT UP for a minute!" Izaya exclaimed, and when he finally gained that protozoan's attention, he continued. "Sarcasm, Shizu-chan. Sar-casm. Are you maybe familiar with this term? If yes, then let me tell you that my suggestion was supposed to be sarcastic."

"The hell you're talking about, flea? This might actually work out," Shizuo said as he ruffled Izaya's hair with broad smile.

He. Ruffled. Izaya's. Hair.

For the sake of all deities, he indeed did just that.

The raven shoved his hand off and laughed nervously, hoping that the heat he could feel on his face was not visible. "Seriously you dumb idiot, I knew you were stupid, but this is clearly beyond all of my expectations. Something like that would only worsen the case, are you aware of it?"

"Oh shut up, you pest. It's still better than murdering them or doing nothing. They will see that their efforts paid, get bored and leave us alone. All done," he said casually and grinned again. "Okay, tomorrow is Sunday. Good, a day of. Are you busy tomorrow?" Shizuo asked suddenly.


"Are you busy tomorrow? Let's say... about 5 PM?"

"H-Huh? Well, no, my schedule is empty but-"

"Good. Then I'll see in Ikebukuro. By that owl statue."

Izaya just stared at him for a moment. "Excuse me?" he said after he blinked a few times. "What for?" He was truly frightened what kind of idea had formed in that nonexistent brain.

"We will grab something to eat or whatever."

The informant felt his stomach drop. "Say what...?" he queried weakly. "Where?"

"At Russia Sushi," the blond answered him, as if it was obvious. "You like sushi, don't you?" And Izaya just laughed, simply because the whole situation was fucking hilarious.

"Shizu-chan, wait a moment, are you just inviting me to your precious Ikebukuro? For a d-" he stopped, because the word 'date' was not capable of leaving his lips, "-dinner?" He laughed again. "Can't you see the irony?"

"You better be there on time," Shizuo said ignoring him and moved to the door he previously kicked out of its hinges. "Or else I'm gonna kick your ass," he continued as he lifted it and went in the direction of the apartment's exit, "and drag you there by myself." And with that, the door was put back on its original place, closing after the blond.

Izaya just stood there as he listened to the receding sound of Shizuo's steps somewhere down the hallway. His heartbeat rate was far from normal.

It was not fair, none of this was fair.

Chapter Text





Hi everyone!


I really am sorry. But I thought that you all deserved to know why there are no actual updates. And I'm afraid there won't be any in a while...

I'm ashamed that I stopped updating so abruptly, leaving you all hanging. But the truth is that I am currently struggling with a lot of staff, psychiatrists, psychologists and shit... Things are hard for me recently. The point is that I completely lost all of my creativity due to my issues. It's like, suddenly I have no idea what to write next, no idea what should be next, the plot just won't come up to me.

I know that my explanation won't just make up for the lack of the rest of the story.

However, I'm thinking of writing some other fic – a new one. In order to, let's say, regain my creativity. Since I really cannot come up with anything for this fic for now. But maybe if I start writing something new, some ideas may appear eventually. And I'll be able to finish "What's the Big Deal?" I hope.

So, I actually still didn't decide what sort of fic to write, I just really want to come back to writing.

All I have for now is determination. Also, if you have any particular preferences or ideas what you would like to read, feel free to speak up. If not, well, I'll come up with something, I guess.

But I need to warn you - my updates may not be so regular, since my university is killing me and sometimes my other issues are making me unable to write.

Okay, so the actual announcement is that for now, I'm putting "What's the Big Deal?" on hiatus... It sucks, I know, especially since I stopped in such inconvenient moment. I really can't help that and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me :C.

I hope that I'll write something soon, and that one day, I'll finish "What's the Big Deal?".

I think that's all I wanted to say.

Big thanks for those who actually read this, and those who kept commenting, showing concern. I really appreciate that.

See ya!



Chapter Text

B u z z z z z z

B u z z z z z z


Nah, too much of a cliche.

B u z z z z z z  

B u z z z z z z  


Hmm, the language is hell. As much as he enjoyed learning new ones, Chinese was pretty extreme. With the tones and all of that.

B u z z z z z z

B u z z z z z z

Russia, then?

He frowned. Too cold.

B u z z z z z z

B u z z z z z z

Lazily, Izaya let his gaze wander over the painfully pink dildo, as he examined it, absentmindedly turning the vibrations on and off while he puzzled over in which part of the world he should seek his refuge from this whole risible situation. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall opposite of the sofa on which he was sprawled out.  3 PM was nearing, indicating that there were only two hours left until his supposed… rendezvous with Shizu-chan.  


He couldn’t possibly go there, no way. Actually, booking a flight and leaving Japan now and there seemed like a much more reasonable idea.


With a rather deep scowl, he looked over the coffee table and stared at the cracked ash-tray that he didn’t bother to clean up after Shizuo’s visit, next to which lied the Kamasutra book that he plonked there after thumbing through it in a lame attempt to distract himself from the excess of definitely unwanted thoughts praying on his mind.

It didn’t help, really. Quite the contrary.

He heard that the resuming shuffle of papers ceased and suddenly felt watched. Izaya looked at Namie, who was working quietly at the other side of his office, only to find her eyeing him with mild amusement, contentment even. His secretary was obviously too delighted for someone who was forced to work on Sunday.  She definitely relished his suffering. When she caught his eyes, her smug, crooked smile only widened.


“Is there something troubling you, Orihara-san ?” she purred with unduly faked concern. “You look rather disconcerted,” she added and propped her chin on her hand nonchalantly.

The raven rolled his eyes hard and paid no heed to her, for once completely uninterested in any kind of banter. He threw her a disdainful glance before moved to staring daggers at his ceiling, as if its surface was responsible for all this travesty surrounding him.


Damn Erika.

Damn Dollars.

Damn Shizu-chan.

Damn ceiling.


He was ready to blame anyone, anything, just to distract himself from thinking that indeed, if it wasn't for his own carelessness, any of it wouldn't have happened.

“Maybe you should go and see your fated boyfriend - they say love is the best mood booster, Orihara-san,” the bitch continued. He scowled and forced a smirk.

“Personally, I’m convinced that arranging a murder of a certain secretary would be much more helpful, Namie-san.”

But she only shook her head with a sad smile that emphatically conveyed pity before she came back to her paperwork. Izaya glared at her and turned his attention back to the dildo he was still holding and glared at it as well. He threw it at the other side of the sofa and sighed heavily, letting his expression go slack.


He was so fucked.

So entirely fucked.

He lied on his back more properly and threw an arm over his face, wishing for nothing more than to simply disappear.

Literally everything went to shit. Every effort he put, through all of those year, just went to a total shit in a span of several days.

It was amazing, really.

Truly exhilarating.


After he lied motionlessly for a few minutes, he heard as Namie heaved a tired sigh.

“Just wait if off, it will pass. People will eventually get bored. Your secret crush will be forgotten,” his secretary said in a tone that weirdly resembled the actual sympathy.

He lifted his arm from his face and threw her a look of sheer surprise. Not only because she really sounded quite genuine but also because she mentioned his “secret crush” as if she, too, knew all about it.

Oh well, who cares anymore?

The raven blinked a few times and then sighed on his own before he glued his eyes back to the ceiling.

“What, did you get bored of tormenting me already?

“I just can’t stand watching you act like a lovestruck teenager, not to mention the amount of work you’re leaving on me due to this… distraction of yours. Put yourself together already, you’re stronger than that.”

His brows shot up.

Woah, is she being… nice?

He stared at her for a few seconds as he wondered whether to continue this topic or not.


Ahh, whatever.


“You think I wouldn’t want to simply ‘wait if off’? Well, you see, apparently Shizu-chan has a better idea that involves me and him acting like love birds so our ‘ fans’ will get what they want and thus leave us alone eventually,” he briefly explained.


Namie stared at him blankly.

“You’re serious,” she half asked, half stated.


Then she blinked and stared blankly some more.

“Well, I must admit you have a terrible taste in men.”


“Or at least you don’t really favor intelligence in them,” she added.

“Don’t push it, Namie-san~...” he sing-sang after a heavy sigh.

“Okay, so what are you going to do?”

“I was considering leaving Japan and settling my own little ranch in the hinterlands of Mexico or Texas. With cows and all. Rodeo. Yee haw. Yay. ” he feigned excitement.

And Namie actually chuckled. Woah.

“Well, why won’t you just prove him how bad this idea is?”

“Because then, I would have to…” he trailed off and his mouth slightly hung agape, his eyes widened.


His initially blank, emotionless expression slowly, gradually transmogrified into fiendish, exuberant, and so much more suiting him smirk, that could promise only the worst, as he came to a momentous decision.

Really now, he should treasure his precious secretary much more.

“Namie-san, you just got yourself a generous rise.”

And Namie just stared at him questioningly. But his attention left her completely.


He looked at the clock before he jumped from his sofa and sprinted to the bathroom to get ready.

The informant would make sure that Shizuo gravely regretted ever coming to a conclusion that this arrangement could somehow, anyhow, pass as a good idea.

Should it take his own suffering, demise and pride;

Should it take the horrid pain of watching the blond’s disgust…


So be it.


Fine, Shizu-chan.

Two can play this game.


Where the hell is he, huh?


Shizuo stood under ‘that owl statue’, littering its underneath with countless cigarettes buts. His brow was twitching intently by now, as he compulsively looked at his phone to check the time approximately four times per minute.

It's almost five, for a fuck's sake.

Lighting yet another cancer stick, he growled inwardly, cursing himself for being so impatient. It was just the flea, dammit.

With a deep frown decorating his features he let his gaze wander over his own frame.

For once, he wasn't wearing his bartender uniform, since he rather wore it exclusively for his work. Instead, he settled for something more plain, and choosing such outfit had indeed been a difficult task since he owned only a couple of clothes that were casual.

He wore the only pair of jeans he possessed; fair in colour and quite worn out but at least comfortable. For his upper body, he settled for a light-blue dress shirt and rolled its sleeves to his elbows. Shizuo frowned at the crease on it and straightened it immediately and then he felt an unbearable urge to bash his own face into the pavement for even giving a shit about how he looked.


He was still frowning when he heard the familiar neigh. When he lifted his head he noticed Celty approaching him and unconscious smile stretched his lips.

“Yo, Celty. What’s up?”

[I was about to ask the same. Just came back from groceries, Shinra mentioned something about wanting to try home-made udon, so yeah. What about you?] she showed him the message but then tilted her neck and went back to writing another sentence.

[You look nice, by the way. What’s the occasion? :) ]

“Oh, I see. And thanks,” Shizuo looked away, bashful. Oh, how he fucking hated compliments. “I’m just waiting for the flea. The bastard is taking his sweet time, dammit,” he answered her question and angrily threw another cigarette butt under his feet.

[Oh? What do you mean you’re waiting for him? He’s going to show up in Ikebukuro?]

“Well, I fucking hope so, since I asked him to,” he said and then observed as Celty’s PDA simply slipped from her hand and hit the ground while she herself seemed to turn into stone.

He blinked a few times when she didn’t move whatsoever for the next several second.



And then she jumped, literally jumped and quickly backed away while lifting her PDA with her shadows, as if moving closer to Shizuo was something out of question. Trembling, she frantically started to write.


And Shizuo stared, perplexed. Then, he growled.

“Jesus Christ, that again?! It’s me, dammit. And no, I’m not an alien.”

[ That’s something an alien would say!] Celty “said” and then shook her “head” before she hesitantly approached the other and started to shamelessly poke his cheek with her finger. After apparently deciding that his skin was not artificial she jumped again.

[ i need to go sorry ] the hastily written message only flashed in front of Shizuo’s eyes before she turned on her heels and took off, sprinting, to her Shooter.


Shizuo just watched her leave, with a lifted eyebrow, before she disappeared between buildings.




what on earth what on earth what on earth what on earth what on earth what on eaRTH WHAT ON EARTH


Shooter roared with frustration as Celty’s grip on his handles apparently became too much to deal with. But she paid him no heed, too terrified with her revelation.

All pieces of the puzzle fell into place, leaving her as breathless as an unbreathing creature could be.


Izaya’s orientation.

Shizuo’s oddly calm attitude.

That frightening post on Dollars.

The enormous response the said post got.

Shizuo dressing up for a meeting with Izaya .


It was more than certain.


While shaking, she took her PDA with one hand and typed a few messages to quickly sent them to Shinra.


[Shinra, it’s happening]


[that’s it, it’s over]

[we need to leave the city]


[please start packing up]






Shizuo was staring at the ground in front of him, frowning, as he still mulled over the obviously fucking weird behavior of his friend. He sighed with exasperation and reached up to run his fingers through his unruly, blond locks. But then he abruptly stilled.


At first, he felt it, like he always did. The way air became thick with the flea's presence, with the unspoken danger and looming trouble, making him hyperaware that the other was close. As if on cue, as if something reeled him in, Shizuo’s head snapped up, his glare landing straight at Izaya. But the ‘glare’ was soon to be replaced with a 'stare’ as he noticed the way the flea was dressed.

It didn't seem out of ordinary at the first glance, since he still had that annoying jacket of his, or some sort of longer version of it, but what drew Shizo's attention was what lied underneath it. It was a shirt, also v-necked - a loose string was connecting the edges of the cleavage that deliciously exposed the delicate skin and his prominent collarbones. It was in the shade of a deep maroon, perfectly complementing the flea's eyes, matching their colour just ideally. Below, he wore dark, skinny jeans, similar to those he wore for everyday, but strangely more fitting, exposing the fine shape of his thighs, the perfect length of his slim legs, emphasising the way his hips swayed slightly in his elegant, nonchalant gait.

Shizuo blinked hard and looked away with a sharp jerk of his head as he realized he was literally drooling over Izaya, as the literal saliva literally pooled in his slightly agape mouth. He gulped hard and fumbled for his cigarettes to clumsily light one as he slowly counted to ten in his mind, giving it a firm command to shut the fuck up.


“I'm sorry, did you wait long, Shizu-chan?” Izaya murmured with melodic voice as he approached the blond, smirking widely. And Shizuo just prayed inwardly he didn’t notice his staring. 

“Yeah. You’re late,” he all but growled in response, forcing himself to glare at the other.

Izaya blinked in confusion and lifted an eyebrow,  “no, I’m not?”

“Yes, you are.”

“It’s five P.M. Shizu-chan.”

“It’s seven minutes and twenty four goddamn seconds past five P.M.,” Shizuo grunted and aggressively tapped the ashes of his cigarette, breaking it in half in the process.

Izaya’s eyes widened in a slight bewilderment before he erupted with fucking giggles .

“Woah, were you so impatient to see me that you even counted the seconds? You’re so sweet, Shizu-chan,” the raven all but purred and pierced the blond with gaze so heavy with allurement that he found himself avoiding it, due to the sudden twist of his stomach. Heat spread across his abdomen and surge of blood travelled to his face. Frustrated, he took another cigarette and lit it.

He stared somewhere ahead, trying to keep his scowl in place and puffed a cloud of smoke.

“Tch. Told you to be on time, dammit.”

Izaya only chuckled to that. “You’re such a spoilsport, by the way,” the raven started, as he shoved his hands to the pockets of his coat. “Don’t you know the pattern? I say ‘sorry, did you wait long?’ and then you go like ‘no, it’s fine, I only got here’ and I go like ‘oh, thank god’ and smile sweetly and then you compliment my appearance or something. Tsk, tsk,” he shook his head, faking disappointment. Then he lifted his eyes to meet Shizuo’s again, smiling smugly. “Shall we go?” the informant enquired and swiftly turned on his heel to head in the direction of Russia Sushi, ahead of the blond.


Shizuo frowned as he started to follow him. Be it from annoyance or confusion, he wasn’t sure. The flea seemed different and that was unsettling. The bastard was zealous for some reason, all his previous signs of any kind of discomfort were long gone, which could only be worrying since it surely meant he was up to something.

“Oi, stop making it sound like it’s some sort of a d-date,” he cursed inwardly and bit the inside of hes cheek. I just fucking  s t u t t e r e d. Unbelievable.


Upon hearing that, Izaya suddenly jolted to a stop and stood still for a fraction of a second before he swirled around to face Shizuo, and because the blond was following shortly after him, they ended up being nose to nose. The debt collector halted on instant, startled by the sudden proximity. At close quarters, he observed as Izaya’s lips formed into a sharp, suggestive smirk; those cherry-red, half-lidded eyes glistened with amusement and challenge as they bored into his own widened, hazel ones.

“And what else would that be, Shizu-chan?” the raven murmured softly, being so close that the puffs of air that escaped his lips while he spoke tickled Shizuo’s face.

The blond’s breath hitched and he found himself unable to move. His throat constricted as he couldn't muster the strength to tear his eyes away from those dark, dilated orbs, encircled with crimson red irises, looking straight through his skull.

“Hmm?” Izaya demanded, standing on his tiptoes, so to shorten the distance between them even more. Shizuo leaned back, baffled, still not breaking the eye contact, as if bewitched. The informant’s scrutinizing gaze frantically darted from one of Shizuo’s eyes to another, shining with anticipation.


That was when the blond remembered two acutely substantial things:

1#: human beings had to breath to survive.

2#: he was asked a question.


He blinked rapidly a few times and shoved the other man away before he drew a much needed and forsaken breath. He cleared his throat and reached his hand up to adjust the sunglasses he wasn’t wearing. He pinched the bridge of his nose instead, feigning annoyance.

“A dinner. You said that yourself.”

“And does it exclude it to be a date?” Izaya asked coyly, smirk never leaving his lips, clearly complacent about his outright flirty attitude.

Despite being utterly flustered, Shizuo felt a strong pang of irritation. Bastard must be having a blast.

And then it dawned on him.


The little shit was doing that on purpose. Shizuo’s teeth gritted. So that was his plan, huh? To fluster him, embarrass him. Trying to make him lose his cool, huh? Well, fuck.


His dumbfounded expression soon transitioned into a wide grin, his blush failing. He chuckled darkly and nonchalantly threw his abandoned cigarette to the ground before he took a step closer to the louse.

He watched up close, with a quite sick satisfaction, as corners of the flea’s lips trembled ever so slightly, his smirk faltering almost imperceptibly if one didn’t look closely. And he understood the brilliance of Izaya’s own plan.

Fine, flea.

Two can play this game.

“Why? Would you like it to be a date, Izaya-kun ?” the blond murmured, mimicking the informant’s voice in his own, deep baritone and casting a shadow on the other as he towered over him. He leaned down even more, observing the frantic swirl of emotions dancing in Izaya’s eyes as the raven’s pupils were rapidly changing their size from wide-blown circles to small dots. Shizuo caught the slow, quiet and shaky intake of breath that the flea tried to hide behind his still somewhat smug expression. His smirk dropped however, once the blond rose his hand to gently brush away a glossy strand of black hair from his face. Goddamnit, how come his hair was so smooth. Hmm…?” the debt collector demanded, once again mirroring the other. Shizuo’s grin only widened when a slight, treacherous flush crept onto Izaya’s features.

Shizuo: one, the flea: zero.


Izaya stepped away from him and tried to bring his smirk back on - and hell if it wasn’t fucking adorable how hard he tried to do so - but it turned out into some sort of a parody of a smile, that’s how forced it was.

The flea closed his eyes and sighed, “You’re not supposed to answer the question with question, you know?” He opened his eyes again and glanced at the blond, but upon noticing that Shizuo’s only response was a wide, smugass grin he surrendered. “Whatever,” the louse concluded and turning on his heels continued their walk.

Shizuo followed after; never before had he been more proud of himself, seriously.

Unfortunately, his state of total contentment was shamelessly interrupted with a sudden, wild squeal and several bright flashes.

“Oh my god!”

“Look, it’s them!”

“It’s a date, date! It must be!”

The blond growled under his breath and a deep frown surfaced on his face.



T h a t  again.


“Oi, listen there, you-” he started angrily but then he felt a weight on his shoulder as Izaya hugged his arm and leaned close to his side and anything that was supposed to leave his lips died on them instantly. His whole side burned with the proximity of the other and he stilled completely, petrified.

“Geez, where are your manners, Shizu-chan? You could at least smile for the picture, ne?” the smug shit said and winked before turning his attention to the small group of girls currently taking their pictures - much to their great delight.

Shizuo really didn’t want to imagine his own expression at that moment as it probably was some sort of obnoxious hybrid of perplexed surprise and nervous agitation.

“H-hey!” he tried in a hushed whisper but was only met with a sharp, playful tug on his arm as Izaya drew even closer.

Smile, you beast, we’re famous now, aren’t we? Didn’t your precious brother teach you to act decent in front of the camera?” the little fuck whispered back, without even sparing him a glance. “Oh! Actually…”

And then, The Little Fuck took his smartphone out and extended his arm in front of them, “I’ll take one for myself as well,” and he fucking attempted to take a goddamn selfie.

“Oi-!” Shizuo protested in the exact same moment the camera made a snap sound, preserving his undoubtedly dignified expression in the form of a picture. Then, Izaya’s arm came back and he moved away from the other to study his shot. 


Apparently, it was a fucking masterpiece , considering how delightedly amused he was as he glanced at it.


“You piece of SHIT, delete it, now,” the blond growled and his fists clenched in a mix of anger and frustration.

No way,” the raven gasped between uncontrollable chuckles, “Oh my god, your face is so priceless in this one!”


“No way,” the flea repeated, “I’m posting that.” After that he took another step back and buried his nose in his phone, typing away on it.

“YOU WHAT?” Shizuo gasped with exasperation before he stormed in the direction of the other.

“I’m posting it,” Izaya said smugly and slipped his phone to the pocket of his coat. “Actually, I just did,” he added and jumped to the side while laughing to avoid the blow of the blond’s fist. He then run along the sidewalk continuing their route to the sushi bar and Shizuo chased after while screaming profanities and completely abandoning the group of girls. He was pretty sure he saw one of them fainting with the corner of his eye but he couldn’t give a single fuck.


Okay, fair enough. It’s a draw then.

Shizuo: one, the flea: one.  

Chapter Text

Catching Izaya gave him an unhealthy dose of exciting satisfaction.

He briefly thought that this fact was probably manifesting itself in a form of some kind of sick grin that he felt was currently stretching his lips and he was perfectly aware of the wrongness of it. But oh, who gives a shit?

Running around the city after than insect had always been quite thrilling - it let him unleash his pent up frustration, allowed him to go all out without fearing the consequences and generally served him as some ridiculously paradoxical form of stress reliever.

Not that he would ever admit any of it, obviously.

By the time he managed to grab the flea and trap him between the nearest flat surface and his body, they were both breathless. Rasping for air, they were doing their ‘staring contest’ thingy; the raven heavily leaned against the wall and panted through his lips that were slightly parted on a loose smirk, and Shizuo loomed over him, also huffing breaths that were gently blowing Izaya's bangs away from his forehead - that's how close they were, and it was disturbing that it wasn't disturbing.

The blond wasn't sure if he really was trapping the other against the wall or only leaning against it for mere support and the flea just happened to be in between - he was fucking spent.

“Gotcha,” he heaved, without breaking the stare into those glistening, red eyes that seemed to perfectly mirror the state of the familiar after-chase bliss that he himself was experiencing, “what you gonna do now, huh?” Shizuo added and slightly lowered himself as to be more on the eye level with the other.

“I don't know,” the pest whispered, seemingly unfazed but still equally breathless and his smirk widened, “I guess I'll go make my order or something, Shizu-chan.”

Baffled, Shizuo only managed to blink in confusion, as he realized that ‘the wall’, against which they were both leaning, apparently turned out to not be ‘the wall’ whatsoever, but rather ‘the door’. It suddenly sank under the blond's hands as Izaya had pushed the handle to elegantly slip in, and Shizuo almost toppled forward to fall onto the visibly amused flea, who only smiled smugly and stepped further into what appeared to be the inside of Russia Sushi.

The raven then threw him an amused glance, seemingly relishing the view of bewilderment visible on Shizuo’s face (and Shizuo was doing his best to comprehend how and when they actually arrived to their destination, and wondered how come he was so fixated on the other that he didn't fucking realized, and then it also struck him how often that kind of shit was actually happening- ) before he turned on his heels, swiftly stuck his hands into the pockets of his coat and casually went to approach the counter. 

The blond's scowl gave away to melt into a resigned surrender as he sighed heavily and followed after Izaya. When he tore his eyes away from the raven’s back he actually looked around to take in his surroundings. 

The heavy silence that fell over the entire place upon their arrival could only be compared to that of the old western movies, when the protagonists were entering the local saloon.

Yeah, that was a pretty good comparison.

He could almost see the tumbleweed lazily rolling across the floor under his feet.

There weren't many people - but then again, when there were ever people in here?

Anyway, each and every of the limited pairs of eyes landed on them instantly and the diners stilled completely in whatever they were currently doing to simply stare at them in a mild surprise or shock even.

Dennis stopped chopping the sushi with his chef knife stilling in mid air and his mouth hanging agape.

The Ryuga-something kid and his female friend (he was pretty sure he should remember her name by now, but wasn't), who were eating at one of the tables, froze in their movement as well - the girl gasped and clapped a hand over her lips and the boy produced an indefinable, rather perplexed sound and a piece of a quite well chewed sushi fell from his mouth to splatter across his dish.

In case of the rest of the diners, their reaction didn't oscillated far away from that of the highschool pair.

Simon, who was apparently on his way to deliver an order to one of the booths, dropped all the dishes he was carrying with a spectacular clank and stood there petrified, visibly not quite believing his own eyes as he blinked rapidly. Once he apparently snapped out of it, a wide smile eventually stretched his lips and the blond decided it was a good moment to look away.

Shizuo just watched them all, terrified to the bone, cold sweat forming on his forehead and he stole a tentative glance at Izaya to see how he took it, but obviously the sick fuck was apparently taking some sort of disquieting pleasure in studying their reactions since his smile became so wide it was borderline shuddersome as his eyes literally glinted with excitement while they darted from one diner to another.

The blond swallowed thickly and trotted to match his steps with the pest’s who was making his way to Dennis. 

“Hello. We would like a table for two,” Izaya said then, as he leaned across the counter with a disgusting display of self-confidence and Shizuo vaguely wondered where the hell it came from. 

Dennis however, seemed to be as perturbed as Shizuo was, since he glanced questioningly at the blond in a search of some kind of reassurance that he didn’t go nuts but when he saw the exact same look in debt collector’s eyes he heaved a sigh.

“Private booth or in the hall?”

Then Izaya turned to Shizuo with a smile that only promised exasperation. “I don’t know. What do you think, Shizu-chan? Would you like to make it more private ?”

Shizuo thought briefly about the arrangement of him and Izaya being closed together in a quite narrow space and quickly dismissed the idea as it seemed cataclystic. 

“The hall. Definitely the hall,” he uttered a little bit too fast which elicited an ugly smile on the flea’s face.

“Boring,” Izaya pouted before turning his attention back to the man behind the counter. “You’ve heard him, Dennis.”

Dennis, who still eyed them as if they both had grown another head, muttered, “Number 8 then. Simon will come to get your order.” When they turned to leave to the said table he called after them again, “Don’t wreck my restaurant, will you?”

Shizuo just nodded reluctantly and Izaya chuckled. 


Their table was placed in the far end of the restaurant, against the wall. As they walked through the bar, he eyed the raven with a mild suspicion and frowned as Izaya’s smile suddenly widened. He followed his gaze and realized why.

The table they approached consisted of a loveseat instead of chairs. 

One loveseat.

Right. The table for two. 

Fucking hell.

He glared at the chief from over his shoulder but he already disappeared somewhere in the kitchen, probably experiencing an existential crisis or something, judging by the last expression he saw on him. So instead, he glared at the table and at the flea, who already made himself comfortable on the ill-fated seat and invitingly patted the space beside him, with a shit-eating grin.  

With an exasperated huff he turned on his heels and approached the nearest diners - the highschool pair. The boy straightened himself in his seat and put on an expression which was far from natural and the girl tried to compose her smile since it was too wide and too enthusiastic. ‘Tried’ being a keyword.

“Hey, umm…” Shizuo trailed off and scratched the back of his neck.

“R-Ryuugamine,” the teen offered weakly. Oh, so it wasn’t Ryuuganagi. 

“Right, Ryuugamine, would you guys mind if I took that chair?” he pointed at the unoccupied seat with his head.

“Not at all, Shizuo-san,” the girl answered meekly with a smile and a glint in her eyes. She was being weird. He could tell.

“Thanks…” the blond trailed off again and looked at her apologetically to which she only smiled more.

“Ah, it’s Sonohara Anri.”

“Yeah, thanks Anri-chan,” he grabbed the chair and proceed to turn back and leave them but then he felt a tug at the hem of his shirt. He looked down to see Anri beckoning him to lean closer. Hesitantly, he did. 

“Good luck, Shizuo-san! I’m sure you’ll help Izaya-san to become a better person,” she whispered in all seriousness; determination and slight excitement apparent in her hushed voice. 

Shizuo felt a shiver running down his spine at the realization that she indeed was one of them. After gulping hard and somehow restraining the unshakable need to protest, he simply nodded and left the gittery girl and the awkward boy.

He was still frowning when he approached his and the pest’s table to put down the newly obtained chair on the opposite of where Izaya sat; the flea was smiling happily with his eyes glued to the screen of his smartphone. He lifted his reddish-brown gaze to lock it on Shizuo and when he saw the blond sitting down he giggled quietly.

“Aww, is Shizu-chan shy? You could just sit next to me, I don’t bite this hard,” the corners of his lips stretched on a vicious smile that made Shizuo’s blood boil with exasperation and uneasiness. Or with something else. Fuck knows. He gritted his teeth though, and closed his eyes to compose himself. Because of all of that shit he nearly forgot about his newfound resolve. The flea won’t have an upper hand in that, alright. 

When he opened his eyes again, he put on his best smile, hoping for it to be convincing - and apparently it was, judging by the way Izaya’s own smile faltered ever so slightly. Huh, maybe there was some truth to that blabber about some ‘acting genes’ in his family.

“Nah,” he started with a perfect nonchalance, “just wanted to sit opposite, so I could see you better, Izaya-kun.” He then reached out across the table and tenderly brushed away a few strands of silky, black hair to tug them behind the raven’s ear. Vaguely, he thought it was slowly getting a little bit out of hand with how much he enjoyed touching Izaya’s hair. It was so soft, delicate and feather-like. Somehow, it reminded him of a cat’s fur. 

Izaya stilled completely under his touch, visibly startled and seemingly at the loss for words. The slow and deep intake of breath he produced didn’t escape Shizuo’s attention as well. The blond also noted that physical contact was doing wonders in terms of flustering the other and proceeded to test that hypothesis some more by gently sliding his fingers from behind Izaya’s ear to slowly trail them along the line of his jaw, all that while marvelling over how smooth his skin was in touch. With innocent curiosity, utterly forgetting that his action was initially meant to spite the other, he stopped his fingertips at the chin and grabbed it lightly between his index and thumb to lift Izaya’s face a bit. His eyes then moved from the trail of his fingers and travelled up to meet the flea’s crimson gaze. It was approximately then that he noticed how the other's face was flushed, his eyes slightly widened and how his lips were parted on the unvoiced question and he quickly, probably way too quickly and clumsily, withdrawn his hand back to his side, with the automatic apology threatening to leave his lips, was he not to bite his tongue in the very last second.

Okay, so, he was supposed to act all smugly and confident.

And oh boy, didn't he just fail miserably.

Shizuo quickly averted his gaze from Izaya's conflicted expression and prayed inwardly to any god out there that his face didn't look similar because it sure felt as if it did. Trying to suppress a frown, scowl or any other particular display of his inner discomfort he glued his eyes to the table before them and maintained a small smile in order to at least feign his, obviously nonexistent at the moment, self-confidence. He was kind of ashamed, repulsed with himself, for touching the other for so long without his consent. Wasn't that some sort of violation? The flea was the flea but still - invading his personal space like that was probably kinda low, now that he thought about it. Silence fell over them and that was worrisome. The flea still didn't bitch about anything. After few seconds he dared to look up again. And, oh, the look on Izaya's face was just irreplaceable.

He kinda looked like something had just died in him and it seemed that he had joined Dennis in having an existential crisis as he was blankly staring at the table, his cheeks still slightly flushed and his eyes empty, seemingly thinking about something intensely. Shizuo hoped he was not scheming another stunt to match the one he had just performed, because beating that would probably involve something unthinkable. He thought about teasing the other for his sudden muteness, just to break the silence, but didn't have the chance (and thank god, he didn't feel like talking, really) as Simon approached their table, wearing a smile so fucking downright disturbing that Shizuo shuddered.

“Shi-zu-o, Izaya,” the black man exclaimed, “I am happy. To see you with no fight. Fighting never was good. Finally friends. Or more?” he tried in his broken japanese and grinned a toothy, sincere grin . “I’ve heard of Shizaya. Good idea. Very good,” Simon continued and Shizuo’s hand that was gripping the edge of their table, squeezed a little bit too hard and the wood cracked slightly.

Spare it, Simon, seriously, spare it.”

Simon frowned at the blond’s action, displeased. “Okay, okay. No property damage please. What is your order?”

“Ah, maki for me, thanks,” Shizuo announced and placed his pack of American Spirits on the table, “and the ashtray.”

“Understood. Izaya? The usual?”

But the flea still seemed to be broken as his eyes were yet to leave this one particular spot on their table. He blinked however, probably sensing he was asked a question and lifted his gaze to look at Simon, “Yes, ootoro. And a bottle of vodka. That big bottle, please,” he said flatly.

Simon smiled knowingly and nodded, “Understood, the usual and the special treat.” He grinned before he left to the kitchen. 

“Wait, vodka? What the fuck?” Shizuo’s brows knitted on confusion.

“Shut it, Shizu-chan. I feel like having a drink. Or two. Or seven.”

“Yeah, but… Seriously, what? Do they serve it here? I mean, it’s a sushi bar...”

“It’s a sushi bar owned and run by Russians . Move a brain cell or two, you protozoan.”

Okay, so the flea was seriously pissed. It was audible in his voice. He decided to leave him be for now, he didn’t feel like having an eyeball carved out with a knife. 

The informant went back to staring at his phone and soon he was smiling again. Shizuo craned his neck to look at the screen but with no luck. 

Izaya lifted his gaze and chuckled. “It’s rude to look into people’s phones, Shizu-chan. But if you must know, I was browsing our newly posted pictures on the Dollars’ forum.”

What-” he was about to throw a tantrum but Simon arrived to their table, placing their order on it. 

“Maki, Ootoro, and special treat,” he announced and put a liter bottle of vodka, an ashtray and two shot-glasses next to their dishes. 

Shizuo was still exasperated about the vodka being served in a sushi bar. He however decided to not voice his bewilderment.

“Finally,” Izaya exclaimed while rubbing his hands together. 

“Have fun,” Simon said with a wink and then left them alone. Shizuo wanted to punch him. 

“Alright, let’s play a game Shizu-chan.”

“No way in hell.”

“Okay, what would you say about ‘21 questions’? Perfect game for a first date , don’t you think?”

“I’m pretty sure I just said ‘no way in hell’.”

“Remember the rules - one is absolutely not allowed to lie. Also, we’re making it into drinking game. We drink a shot while both asking and answering the questions.”

“I never agreed to that, you shit.” 

“We need to determine who starts,” the flea frowned for a second before his eyes widened and he reached for his wallet, “let’s flip a coin. You prefer heads or tails?”

Shizuo pinched the bridge of his nose while heaving a sigh of complete surrender. “Heads,” he muttered with resignment and lit a cigarette. The pest then proceeded to pour the vodka into both of their glasses. 

Once done, Izaya flipped the coin and watched with cheerful anticipation as it hit the surface of their table and started to spin around itself a few times before finally falling flat and revealing the answer. 



Excited gasp and annoyed growl could be heard simultaneously. 

“Yay! So I start,” Izaya clapped and exclaimed happily. Then, he grabbed his shot, downed it at once and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. A vicious smirk decorated his features before he spoke:

“Are you a virgin?”

Shizuo coughed loudly as he choked on the cigarette smoke. He looked at the other through teary eyes with a clearly murderous intent.

“What the fuck, flea?!” the blond growled, “Seriously, that’s the first thing you’re asking?!”

The raven chuckled softly, visibly content with Shizuo’s reaction. “Well, when it comes to this game, it always ends up with those kind of questions eventually,” he shrugged, “so why don't we get over with them first, ne?” Izaya added as he trailed his fingertip along the rim of his glass, smiling. “Or maybe Shizu-chan wants to chicken out?”

Goddamn, annoying, smug piece of shit-

Shizuo’s teeth gritted as he held his glare.

As if,” he grunted before taking his own shot and emptying it. An involuntary grimace twisted his face as the burning taste of an alcohol struck him. God, how he hated alcohol. Shuddering slightly, he placed the empty glass on the table with a loud thud and again bore his eyes into the other. The amount of amusement that poured out of flea’s expression was definitely unhealthy. 

Fine, whatever. He sighed with irritation. 

“Yeah, I am,” he admitted, doing his damnest to not blush. 

Izaya’s smirk extended and a weird sparkle appeared in his eyes. The sparkle that said ‘I knew it’ way too loudly. “How come?”

“Is that your next question? If not, then it’s not your fucking business,” he growled and looked anywhere but at Izaya. “Besides, I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to that. You’re just being an ass for bringing this shit up.” 

“Is it possibly because Shizu-chan is scared of hurting his partner in the process?” Izaya continued , with a very nasty smile plastered to his face. There comes his fucking revenge for earlier. 

Shizuo’s jaw tensed as he smoked, completely ignoring Izaya’s question. His eyes were downcast, a deep frown visible on his face. That shit stung in a special kind of way and he really didn't want to talk about it. Completely neglecting his sexual desires was his conscious decision, out of the sheer terror of accidentally snapping someone's spine for example. As ridiculous as it may sound, when he was involved, it was a real and possible threat. When the pest giggled quietly, he lifted his gaze to glare at the other. The bastard knew exactly which strings should be pulled to completely ruin his mood. After a few seconds of staring, Izaya sighed. 

“No fun,” he mumbled. “Okay, sorry,” he said without an ounce of honesty, “for hurting your monstrous feelings.” The flea then refilled both glasses.

“Fuck you.” 

Izaya ignored him. “Okay, so what is your question then?”

Shizuo sighed heavily and reached for the shot Izaya had refilled for him. He downed it and placed the glass back on the table. The fluid burnt the entire length of his esophagus before it reached his stomach to spread the familiar warmth. “Why the fuck do you keep calling me ‘Shizu-chan’?” the blond blurted out instantly, before he even realized he wanted to ask some equally nasty question to match the one of Izaya. 

Izaya blinked a few times, a genuine surprise decorating his face for a moment and then he burst out with laughter. “Really now, is that the first thing you’re asking?” he managed to utter as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. 

“Well, it pisses me off to no end and goes on for ages by now, so I wanna fucking know,” Shizuo said gruffly and lit another cigarette, trying to not think about how fucking mesmerising was the way Izaya genuinely laughed. He was being a total asshole and should not be this attractive. 

The flea smirked at him again before downing his second shot. His cheeks became rosy. “If you insist to know,” he started and refilled their glasses again, “you see, before I even saw you for the first time, I’ve heard about you. When I was asking around, this one girl, who claimed she went with you to the elementary, referred to you as ‘Shizu-chan’. Which automatically made me assume you’re a girl. Shizuka or something,” he chuckled. “Anyway, your reaction when I first called you that, as my own inside joke, was simply too hilarious to stop, so I sticked to it,” he grinned when he finished.

“Yeah, well, you could fucking stop now, how about that?” Shizuo growled with irritation and tapped the ash from his cigarette. 

But Izaya only smiled wider, “No way, Shizu-chan. I’m too used to it by now. I’m doing it without thinking, actually. Besides, I just know you like it.”

“I hate it and I told you that thousands of times!”

“Okay, next question then!” the flea exclaimed and downed yet another shot, completely ignoring Shizuo’s discontent. “Hmm…”


Approximately eight shots, and all pieces of sushi later, Shizuo stopped giving a shit about the shamefulness of Izaya’s questions and simply answered them with a straight face while trying to come up with something equally sordid. After about fifth shot the flea’s speech begun to slur, he was red-faced and was laughing definitely too much, but Shizuo’s request to drink only while answering fell on deaf ears. He was also called a coward. 

Shizuo just finished his tenth shot after answering how often did he masturbate on weekly basis, while detailing whether he prefered mornings or evenings and stating that he could easily do with or without porn. He then proceeded to refill his own glass, because the flea was probably too drunk to do that by now. He stared at the clear liquid with a frown. He was running out of sick questions. He took a deep breath and downed the eleventh shot before putting the glass back on the table. He grimaced. So. Fucking. Gross. Ah, right, the question. So… “Who was your first love?” he asked without thinking.

Upon those words, the flea who was constantly wriggling in his seat to the sounds of music quietly playing from the restaurant’s speakers, stilled completely. For a second his drunken expression went completely slack and he stared at Shizuo in complete horror.

“What?” the blond frowned while he lit his cigarette. But in a fraction of a second, that annoying smirk was back on its place. 

Izaya smiled wider and in a sluggish motion grabbed his glass to bring it to his lips. “Nothing, Shizu-chan,” he sing-sang from over the rim of his glass. “To answer your question, the humanity, of course!” And he downed it. Some of the vodka streamed down his chin, and he licked his lips slowly once he placed the glass back on the table. Shizuo wasn’t staring. Of course he wasn’t.

“Yeah, that’s bullshit, and we both know it,” he exhaled the smoke into flea’s general direction.

The raven gasped, feigning hurt, “But of course it’s true! My love for humanity is pure and everlasting.” 

“Sure it is, Izaya-kun. But I was asking about your first love . I won’t believe that you jerked off to the concept of the entire fucking humanity while in high or middle school,” he said and tapped away the cigarette’s ashes before attempting to bring the stick back to his lips. Attempting , because the goddamned flea had swiftly snatched the cigarette out of his hand suddenly. “OI,” Shizuo firmly protested, “give it the fuck back, you pest.” 

But Izaya only smirked at him smugly, before he brought the cigarette to his mouth and ostentatiously took a deep drag to exhale it right into Shizuo’s face. He then giggled and licked his lips but suddenly he froze as he did so. 

Rather annoyed, Shizuo lifted an eyebrow at the sight of Izaya abruptly bellowing with a manic laugh, apparently for no goddamn reason at all.  

He shot him a glare so deadly it would surely kill if possible but the flea was too caught up in a fit of laughter to appreciate the effect. 

“What now?!” he demanded as he observed Izaya giggling uncontrollably.

“Oh, it’s nothing, really,” the teary-eyed raven managed to breath out, “just realized I’ve just tasted Shizu-chan’s indirect kiss.”

Upon seeing Shizuo’s reaction to that statement - which involved him going completely still, subsequently opening and closing his mouth on an attempt to articulate some sort of response that apparently wasn’t going to eventually leave his lips, and turning almost bright-red -  the intoxicated informant erupted with renewed chuckles that stole all the remaining air from his lungs, leaving him in a helpless state of silently choking whilst grabbing at his sides. “Oh my god, your face now, I literally can’t-” he added in a strained, high-pitched voice as soon as he managed to draw some kind of resemblance of a breath. At that point, there were tears freely streaming down his flushed face.

Shizuo’s patience, which was running dangerously thin through the whole process of wordlessly observing the flea’s drunken squealing, finally snapped somewhere around Izaya resting his head on the table while he shook and pounded his fist on its surface. When Izaya laid flat on his loveseat with an arm thrown over his red, tear-wet face, still whimpering quietly and fighting for a breath with his slowly dying laughter, Shizuo was fed up.

Are you fucking done?” he hissed through gritted teeth while thrumming his itchcing fingers against the surface of the table. “If yes, then you can give back my damn cigarette.”

The giggles stopped abruptly and it was quiet for a fraction of a second, before Izaya rose on his elbows from his lying position and while grinning annoyingly glued his slightly disoriented eyes to Shizuo’s.

“Firstly, no, I don’t think I’m done. And secondly, why? Does Shizu-chan also want my indirect kiss?” And when the blond’s only response were his eyes widening and mouth opening on a frustrated protest, Izaya hurried up and continued. “If that’s so, we can always make it direct, ne?” he added, dropping his voice to a low purr and leaning across the table on his elbows. 

“You know what? Just take it. I’ll light another.” He frowned at himself, deciding that those recent reactions had to be some sort of malfunctions on the behalf of his brain, and quickly averted his eyes, reaching up to loosen one button of his shirt. He lit his another cigarette and smoked angrily, while observing Izaya’s drunken chuckles and praying for him to choke on the smoke at some point. It didn’t happen. 

Once the flea put his own cigarette out, he glared at their glasses. “There is no vodka in my glass,” he stated in all seriousness, as if it was some sort of violation. 

“Yeah, I think you had enough.”

Izaya snorted not so elegantly. “What a nonsense,” he mumbled and grabbed at the bottle completely ignoring Shizuo’s protests. 

With a burning determination, the flea took the bottle and proceed to pour the vodka straight on the table, missing the glass for good 2 inches, then he lifted the said glass to his lips, seemingly indignant to find it empty, and with confused, angry pout put it back on the table to repeat the whole process - approximately then the line was crossed.

“Oi, gimme that,” Shizuo said and attempted to snatch the bottle from the obviously heavily intoxicated raven but failed as the flea moved back in his seat, hugging the bottle close to his chest as if offended by the mere idea of taking it away from him.

“Nope, it's not- finished, Shizu-chan!” Izaya exclaimed with a frown, punctuating his utterance with a loud and quite impressive hiccup.

“Well, you are. Now give me that. You're done, flea, you're shitfaced in case you didn't notice, which you didn't.”

“Bullshit, Shizu-chan,” the raven smirked lazily before he lifted the bottle and without breaking the eye contact drank straight from it.

“Why, you little-” Shizuo’s teeth gritted and he abruptly stood up, pushing his chair to fall back behind him with a loud thud in the process, and he reached across the table to grab the bottle and janked it hard and away from the raven's grasp. “Don't drink that anymore, you're wasted, you stupid fuck! Do you wanna throw up all over Simon's place, huh?!”

Izaya wasn’t listening, really. He was just laughing his ass off, again. 

While Shizuo contemplated what would be the fastest and most satisfying way to get rid of the pest’s existence, he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. He turned around with a scowl and once he focused his gaze it was met with Simon’s worried face.

“Izaya not well. You guys should finish. Dennis say the customers are troubled.”

“Yeah, is he ever well?” he mumbled under his breath while returning the remains of vodka to the black man. “Sure, we’re leaving right away.” Once Simon reluctantly left for the kitchen, Shizuo looked back at the pest. “You’ve heard him? We’re leaving, you’re making a mess.” 

“Make me,” Izaya sang while he curled into a ball on his seat. Shizuo rolled his eyes hard before approaching the other and simply grabbing him at his coat. He then dragged the hysteric bastard outside of the bar and into a street, while saying his goodbyes and apologies on his way to both Simon and Dennis. 

Once outside, he put the flea down on the pavement, and the drunk fuck started to roll across it while laughing. 

“Jesus Christ, you’re so wasted,” Shizuo muttered and shook his head slightly. “Well, whatever, I’m going home.” And he turned on his heels, leaving the intoxicated flea behind. 

After about twenty meters of walking, he glanced over his shoulder to see the pest still sitting on the pavement, but now with his back propped against the lamppost. Shit, is he just going to sleep there like that? Another few meters of walk. Well, not my problem I guess.

From ahead of him, approached a group of thugs. About five of them, probably Yellow Scarves, judging by their attire. He just simply hoped they wouldn’t bother him; he really didn’t feel like dealing with this sort of thing right now. The thugs walked past him casually, but what they talked about had prickled his interest. 


“Oi, there is a drunk guy over there.”

“Yay, payday!”

“Wait, isn’t that Orihara Izaya?”

“Holy shit dude, you’re right!”

“The fuck? I thought he’s smart. And yet he’s just putting himself on a golden platter like this.”

“Who cares, it’s not like he’s going to be missed anyway.”


Shizuo’s teeth gritted audibly. Ahh, Fucking Hell!

He turned on his heels and stomped back in the flea’s direction. Pushing his way through the fucking thugs, he outpaced them and after throwing the warning glare their way, he marched to the barely conscious Izaya to forcefully lift him from the ground by his arm.

“W-what-” the pest mumbled incoherently once lifted. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Shizuo growled, “We’re going to my place, you irresponsible, stupid bag of flea-shit.”

“Oh my,” Izaya murmured while being pushed around, “is that an offer, Shizu-chan? On the first date ? Unbelievable.” He had some troubles with pronouncing ‘unbelievable’ but eventually managed. 

“Stop. Talking.”

He didn’t stop talking.


The entire way to Shizuo’s apartment complex was hell, filled with enormous number of sexual innuendos and disdainful glances from the late-night passer-bys. Once they finally reached his building, he nearly cried with relief that it was finally over. He shoved the flea against the wall next to his door and took his apartment keys from his pocket. Izaya managed to sober up a little, due to the night breeze, but was nevertheless shitfaced. His slightly slurred voice suddenly echoed while Shizuo was fumbling with his lock.    


His brow twitched. “Yeah?”

“I feel sick.”

It twitched again. “Yeah, no shit,” he muttered under his breath. Once he opened the door he grabbed Izaya by his arm and shoved him inside. “Just… wait a second. Take off your shoes. And I swear, if you throw up on my floor- on my anything actually, then I'm ripping off all of your limbs to stick them up your ass, one after another,” Shizuo grunted while toeing his own shoes off and letting Izaya’s arm off so he could do the same.

But Izaya only smiled hazily and this annoying spark appeared in his crimson eyes before he crouched down, lost his balance and fell on his ass. From the floor, he looked up smirking at Shizuo as if he hadn't just clumsily landed on his butt in his drunken wobbling and he started to untie his lances. “Kinky.”

The blond rolled his eyes so hard it was actually painful. And it meant something coming from the guy who didn't feel pain at all. “Shut up,” he said as he towered over the other with arms crossed over his chest, patiently waiting for him to finish. When the flea was done with his shoes he roughly lifted him by his arm, earning a satisfying hiss in the process, and proceeded to drag him in the direction of his bathroom. Once they were there, he let go of the other and Izaya instantly gripped the edge of the sink to hold himself up and looked at Shizuo questioningly.

Shizuo, who stood in the entrance of the bathroom still holding the handle, glared at him quietly, like a parent whose adolescent child came back home drunk for the first time.

“There, now puke. You'll feel better.”

Izaya blinked slowly at him with a blank expression, before he sat himself slowly on the bathroom floor, next to the toilet.

“Don't wanna,” with furrowed brows, Izaya pouted.

“Well, tough shit. Stop whining. Push two fingers down your throat and it will come out.”

Don't wanna,” he pouted more- and holy shit , that was fucking adorable, really-

“Should I do it for you, Izaya-kun?” Shizuo said slowly, trying to sound intimidating as he pushed aside the desire to pat the other's head with an enormous effort.

Then, the raven smiled viciously, “No, thank you very much, but you could push something else down my throat, you know?”

Ahh, great. Now his imagination was doing the thing. Again.

But this time, ‘ the thing’ was too fucking vivid, with Izaya kneeling before him, helpless and flushed, hair ruffled, coat and shirt loosely hanging over his exposed, slim, milky shoulder, looking up at him with eyes shining on suggestion-

Shizuo’s grip on the bathroom’s door handle tightened, probably crushing it in the process as the sudden surge of blood travelled north and south of his body all at the same time, with a force so intense that it left him lightheaded.

“Listen there, you piece of-”

“Besides, there is no point. I don't really have a gag reflex anymore.” Izaya interjected the blond’s rant whilst still smiling widely.

Shizuo frowned deeply, temporarily forgetting about his embarrassment.

“The hell? How so?”

Slowly, mischievously even, Izaya smirked again, looking up at him from the bathroom floor and the blond knew he shouldn't have inquired.

“Practice, Shizu-chan,” he sang and winked.

Then, Shizuo frowned even deeper, perplexed, not really seeing any connection. 

“Huh? How the fuck do you even practice such-” and then he went quiet as it occurred to him after connecting a few dots and the revelation left him quite shaken up. “ Jesus Christ! ” he hissed and abruptly turned on his heels to leave the fucking perverted bastard alone. “Too much info, you fuck.” While frowning in frustration and overwhelmed by an ugly feeling he couldn't quite decipher at the thought of the flea going down on some people, he shut the door with a bang and went to the kitchen. “Hurry up and come here when you're done,” he called to the other. He heard Izaya laughing and cursed himself inwardly for falling for each and every goddamn shit the drunk ass pest had been pulling.

He approached the counter and took two glasses from the shelf. He then proceeded to fill them both with mineral water, all that while trying not to think about the unmistakable fact that there was Izaya Fucking Orihara staying at his place tonight. 

Oh God, ” the flea suddenly exclaimed from behind him, magically materialising in his living room. When the fuck-  “you have ‘ The Tyrant Who Fell In Love’!”

“Huh?” Shizuo frowned and approached to glance at what the raven was holding. It was one of the mangas he received in the package from those bat-shit crazy girls. Well, denying that he plonked through it was pointless since the flea found it open on his coffee table. “What about it?”

“The first and last yaoi manga I’ve ever read,” Izaya chuckled. “Mairu once forced me to read this, sending me its scanlations via e-mail, so each time I opened the message I was unavoidably presented with a page from it. I eventually read it by myself since she was being a nuisance. It was more amusing that I initially expected.”

“I don’t know. I thought it’s stupid. Why would a straight, homophobic guy suddenly fall in love with another man?”

“Geez, Shizu-chan. You simply didn’t get it. It’s not about that. The Kouhai’s tremendous love was so impactful that the Senpai surrendered to this affection. It’s not that the homophobic Senpai suddenly changed his orientation - he simply fell in love with the Kouhai, despite everything, accepted him and opened his heart, because of who the Kouhai was, not because he was a man. It’s about pansexuality , Shizu-chan, about loving the person, not their gender. It is a beautiful love story, you see!” His voice was kind of dripping with sarcasm but Shizuo didn’t care since he heard something interesting.

“Wait, what? Can you say that again?”

Izaya lifted an eyebrow. “What exactly?”

“The thing about liking the person, not gender.”

“Ahh, you mean pansexuality?”

“Yeah, that. So, it means one is attracted to the particular people regardless of their gender?”

The informant hummed, “Yes, you could say that.”

Shizuo nodded to himself before grabbing the glass of water to bring it to Izaya. “Is that what you are?” He asked while he handed him a drink. The flea took it wordlessly.

“Me? Well, more or less. I would rather consider myself bisexual though.” He chugged the entire glass at once.

“Is there a difference?” he frowned.

“Of course there is,” Izaya started after putting the empty glass on the coffee table. “Subtle, but still there. You see, being bisexual means that you find both males and females sexually attractive. For example, let’s say you’re walking down the street and check out the passer-bys: oh, she’s cute; oh, he’s hot, I would do them or let them do me, eccetera. Whereas while being pansexual, it’s hard to decide whether you are attracted to someone at the first glance. You need to know this person, know their quirks, their personality, see their real smile, hear their true laugh and so on, so forth. Because what you like about them, is simply them themselves. Pansexuals are often referred to as gender-blind, since they don’t consider gender as the main, or any factor in determining their sexual attraction.”

Shizuo looked away to let everything sink. Well, that actually made a perfect sense to him. Shit. He didn’t even know this had a name. So that would mean he was pansexual? Fuck, was it a bad thing? It surely didn’t sound as something bad though. He scowled and took a cigarette to light. 

“What the hell is all of that - heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, pansexuality, all so goddamn confusing. Just why?” he mumbled while he turned the cigarette between his fingers.

“Because the humanity is evolving, Shizu-chan!” Izaya beamed. “The definition of love and sex is expanding with every subsequent decade, due to human evolution. Humans are constantly under self-development and they still discover more and more about their psyche; there is still so much to learn about the human potential and mentality. This so-called sexual revolution of the XXIth century is simply another step in achieving full self-awareness...” and then he kept on babbling about the potential of human brain, mentioning some percentages, dates and names that didn’t ring any bell, if you ask Shizuo. 

 Well, fuck. Now the flea was not only drunk, but also in his full Human Appreciation mode. 

The blond took a moment to simply regard Izaya. Whenever he talked like that he really seemed happy, thrilled and enthusiastic - so passionate and human. Maybe that was a lot to admit, but it really was kind of impressive how much Izaya knew on psychology, sociology and even philosophy. It was more than obvious that he’d read enormous amounts of books on that subjects. With such knowledge the bastard could easily graduate from college and make a decent living from being some sort of psychologist or other shit. And yet the pest choose to be the shady pest. But then again, if Izaya were to be a psychologist, he would rather escalate people’s descent into madness instead of actually helping them. 

Suddenly, there was the flea’s flushed, pouting face right in front of his eyes. “What are you grinning about, Shizu-chan? You’re creepy. Were you even listening? You’re such a horrible date.” 

“Shut it,” Shizuo said and forcefully removed Izaya’s face from his vision by pushing him aside. He walked past the perplexed flea and approached the kitchen counter with an ashtray on it. “And I was listening. The Freud guy makes everything sexual and human mind, in theory, is as unexplored as the Ocean,” he listed briefly and put his finished cigarette out.

“Wow,” Izaya purred and smirked, “is Shizu-chan evolving as well?” he then stumbled and leaned heavily against the wall, almost throwing the family picture hanging there in the process. He frowned and glared at the photo from over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, whatever. Smartass or not, you’re still shitfaced, so go to sleep. Tomorrow's Monday and I’m working. Here’s the couch,” he mentioned at the said piece of furniture with his head. 

“Sure thing,” the pest smirked and pushed himself from the wall. 

He then headed straight to Shizuo’s bedroom.

And Shizuo just observed him casually entering his room as if he owned the place. Once the flea disappeared from his vision he blinked a few times and rushed after him. 

“O-oi!” he called out and stomped in his room’s direction, “I think I said the couch , you little shit.” Once he went inside and turned on the lights, the flea was already sprawled across his bed, face first and fast asleep. His mouth hung agape as he admired the picture presented in front of him.

His supposed worst enemy, passed out on his own bed, wasted as fuck, his face decorated with a stupid, unconscious smile. 

Shizuo took a breath and slowly walked to the bed, hands in pockets, face rather neutral. If one would ask him what he was feeling in that particular moment - in all honesty, he would have no damn idea how to answer.

First of all, if a month- no, week earlier someone would as much as imply that Izaya was anywhere near his bed, he would probably punch the person straight into another plane of existence. 

And yet today, here he was, standing in front of his bed, with Izaya sprawled across it, as if having sleepover at Shizuo’s place was some kind of common practice among them. 

He had never been so confused in his entire life. It would be so fucking easy to kill the pest right now. Twist his neck, crash his skull, or simply rip his limbs off and watch him bleed. 

Then why any of it haven’t even crossed his mind? What did crossed his mind however, was whether the flea was comfortable enough, considering he was fully clothed and that his matress wasn’t the most expensive one. He bit his lip at the realization of his train of thoughts.

It was all so fucking ridiculous. 

He scratched the back of his neck and dared to take a look at Izaya’s face once again. 

He was gently nuzzling into Shizuo’s pillow, inhaling deeply, and the blond felt himself warming up at the sight. In the not-so-pure way. The informant’s features were peaceful, his lips were parted slightly as he breathed evenly through them; his long, dark lashes were casting a shadow on his cheeks, his flawless, nearly porcelain-like skin was illuminated with the dim moonlight shining through the window of the bedroom. 

Such a dangerous, alluring, ethereal and unreachable persona like Orihara Izaya, was right now lying before him - bare and beautiful, harmless. 

Shizuo felt a little bit disturbed at the thought how much affected he was by this display. 

Okay, let’s just call it by its name. He was being creepy as fuck for staring at the sleeping flea so much. 

He looked away, feeling bashful as hell out of sudden, but the rustling of sheets brought his attention back to Izaya. The flea curled up a bit, slipped his arm under the pillow to hug it more tightly. 

Shizuo swallowed thickly and released a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding, before he moved closer to the bed. As gently as it was only possible, he moved the quilt from under the flea’s unconscious form to cover him up to his neck, all that while praying for him to not wake up. He didn’t, fortunately. He moved away to admire his handiwork that was a Pest Burrito. He nearly snorted out loud at the sight of total contentment visible on Izaya’s face. Without thinking Shizuo outstretched his arm with the intent to brush away few of the raven strands. Once his fingertips made a contact with Izaya’s skin, the blond felt the shiver running down his spine and he exhaled shakily. The flea’s face was flushed, warm and smooth in touch; his gaze then lingered on Izaya’s parted lips and a smile he didn’t realized he was wearing faded away from his features. He squatted on the floor to have his face at Izaya’s level. 

There was no joking. Izaya really was stunning - in this dazzling, graceful kind of beauty. The kind of beauty that made you feel as if you were looking at something far ahead, something elusive, unattainable. But he was just right here , right in front of him, mere inches away; he could touch him any moment, he could smell his scent - flowery, sweet and rich at the same time, the scent that he used to hate so fucking much not so long ago. 

Was it really all it took for him to finally notice it all? Some dumb Internet post and few incoherent words of some yaoi fangirl? It was seriously risible when he thought about it and yet he really didn’t feel like laughing. 

He was staring at Izaya’s lips and biting his own. He remembered how he was recently wondering if those lips were as soft as they seemed to be. What a ridiculous thing to wonder about your supposed arch-nemesis. But it looked like he had abandoned reason some time ago anyway. 

Blindly, he once again reached in Izaya’s direction. His hand was shaking, his lungs burned with a breath that wasn’t released for too long. He then brushed his thumb against Izaya’s lower lip - slowly, leisurely, as if he wanted to imprint the sensation into his consciousness, into his very skin. 

Yeah, they were very fucking soft. Like velvet, silk. Over the sound of his own thrumming pulse, he kept on trailing his thumb across the lip and slowly slipped it deeper until his fingertip was met with the wetness of Izaya’s saliva. He swallowed thickly; his heart was racing, his breath was slightly uneven. He removed his hand hurriedly once the concept of kissing those lips flashed in front of his eyes - his Creep Meter was beeping loudly, warning him that he was nearing the out of scale measures of creepiness. 

Ahh shit, there goes the last lingering thread of my alleged heterosexuality.

He stood up from the floor and while unbuttoning his shirt he headed straight out of the bedroom. The couch it is. 

He went into bathroom first and stopped in front of the sink to regard his own reflection. He blinked several times at the picture displayed in front of him; his entire face was flushed and warm in touch, both from the alcohol and arousal, his pupils were dilated, his eyes half-lidded, his chest was rising and falling in uneven, disrupted manner. Not to mention the rather evident bulge formed at the front of his jeans. 

To simply say that he was horny was a huge understatement. 

Cursing profanities under his breath, he untapped the cold water to splash it across his face aggressively. Since it was not enough to calm his sense of being a total, disgusting pervert, he undressed quickly and took an icy cold shower while making absolutely everything in his power to not jerk off, because currently the only person he could think about was Izaya Fucking Orihara.


When he was laying on his couch and trying to fall asleep, it occurred to him that the flea had never answered who his first love was.