“You need me to do what?” Hartley sat there with a look of confusion marring his features as he looked at Leonard Snart at the latest of the safe houses. Granted since he’d helped team Flash a couple times he’d grown into a regular well adjusted sound expert over the last year or two. He’d even managed to make peace with his family who’d thrown him out over his being gay. But that didn’t stop people asking him to do things for them in the underworld. Most went away when he said no. A few pressed and he’d had to call in Barry and the team. It hadn’t really come to that in ages now. But here was Captain Cold himself making a request and not taking no for an answer.
“I need you to design a fire suppressant system that basically needs Mick to have been using his gun to activate.” Len sighed.
“Okay... Why do you need this?” Hartley sighed, his mind already thinking.
“He’s been out of sorts since we’ve been back from the Wave Rider. Truth be told I think it’s all the centuries of not getting laid.” Len looked over the top of Hartley’s monitor looking at the open windows.
“Centuries?” Hartley frowned.
“Time travel’s a bitch when you get caught on the wrong side of it.” Len smiled. “Point is, he’s not been laid in a while and he’s started playing with the damned gun indoors. I need the suppressor system to keep him from burning down my houses.”
“Could you just find him someone to have sex with?” Hartley sighed, he’d done his best to not do any jobs for Len when they included Mick, hell he’d went out of his way to avoid Mick. Maybe it was how much taller he was, or the muscles, or just the sheer manly quality to him, but Hartley had long ago figured out that he had a crush on Mick. But he knew Mick was straight and figured he’d tolerated Hartley only because of Len’s insistence that they needed him. He’d made it clear he wasn’t to be called on any job that Mick was involved in. He glared at Len.
“You know my policy.” He crossed his arms.
“It’s not so much a job as it is preventative planning.” Len smiled.
“Right.” He still gave Len the hard look.
“Look, Mick... Has tastes and... Well it’s hard to find someone who can take it, let alone multiple someones.” Len made a face.
“The big he-man bull needs multiple women a night?” Hartley blushed.
“What? No.” Len swatted at him. “He’s a one at a time sort of guy.” He shrugged. “I don’t blame him, not big on group sex myself.” He shrugged. “But I don’t like being touched much so.” He shrugged.
“Then...” Hartley raised ane eyebrow.
“Mick likes things as a series of one night stands with no real regulars and no repeats back to back. So I’d have to find people who could take what he’s offering and still play by the rules.”
“Short list I’m taking it.”
“It’s easier to install something to make sure he can’t burn the house down.” Len sighed.
“It can’t be that hard to find a bunch of girls willing to get laid in this city.” Hartley frowned.
“Who said anything about girls?” Len smirked
“Why.” Len sighed as Mick stood there barking at him.
“You’ve not had a single bed warmer since we got back.” Len sighed as he looked at Mick.
“What’s that got to...”
“How long did they have you Mick?”
“Long. I still don’t...”
“Life times. Several hundreds of years. Why?” Mick growled, rolling his shoulders trying to loosen his arms up to take a swing at Len if he pushed this.
“Did you have sex in all that time?”
“No I did not fuck around while I was a time master bounty hunter.” Mick growled, wishing he’d just punched Len instead of asking questions.
“That’s my point.”
“I still don’t...”
“Mick, you burned a support beam and nearly took out the roof on top of us last week.” He pointed to the blackened ruin of a support structure that now had various other redundancies in place to keep it from giving out entirely. “You only take the lighter out when something’s bugging you or you have the itch.” He gave Mick a hard look. “And sex is a major itch for you.”
“I didn’t even have the lighter out...” Mick started.
“No, you were instead playing with your heat gun and set fire to the house we were both IN at the time.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“You still didn’t need to bring the kid in here.” Mick felt his muscles getting tight again from rage and anxiousness at the thought of him here. He put on a mask of contempt and barely suppressed rage. He’d made himself pretty fucking clear that he never wanted that kid on any job with him or near him for that matter. Why the hell wasn’t Len listening to him. “I’ve told you before I don’t...”
“I know Mick.” Len finally growled out himself. “I know perfectly well you two have your problems.” He gave him a dark side eye before turning back to the charred support beam. “But you’re wound too tight, and it was either let you kill yourself or me, or I bring in someone I can trust to make sure there’s a system in place that keeps you from doing that.” He sighed. “You and me, we’ve looked out for each other since we were in juvey together.” He looked at Mick full on. “I don’t get what you’re problem is when him or his with you. Frankly I don’t care. I just want to know I can sleep and not worry about burning to death in my sleep.” He sighed heavily. “I mean I can guess it’s something to do with the fact the kid’s more open about it.” He gave Mick a look that meant everything and nothing all at once.
“It’s not that. I’m glad he can be so open about it. And I’m glad he got the chance to make things right with his folks.” Mick sighed.
“Then what is it Mick?” Len whispered, knowing full well Hartley was in the other room.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mick eyed Len before sitting down on the sofa.
“Do me a favor and I’ll send him home.”
“Get laid. You go get someone, anyone you want, and fuck their brains out and when you’re done he’ll be gone.” Len crossed his arms.
“Fine.” Mick kicked the table and got up and stormed out.
“That was entirely too easy.” Len frowned. The fuck was their problem with one another. It’s not like they had dated and had a bad break up or anything. Len kept himself apprised of his team’s love lives so he knew who to keep an eye on in situations. In fact he knew the names, faces, and a lot of details of every man that Hartley had ever been with all the way to collage. And while he couldn’t do that with Mick’s much higher number of bed partners, Len knew most of the ones from 2015, he’d have said the last year, but he’d had a couple extra years in the last ‘year’, and Mick had had even more extra time. Which was what made this behavior even odder. Mick for the most part had had hundreds if not thousands of years to explore his personality, find peace with his past and the flame, and grown as a person... And here he was back in 2016, and he was doing fine till the last couple days. Len couldn’t put his finger on it but something had happened and set Mick off.
“I’m almost done.” Hartley came in.
“Just hurry. I sent him out a bit ago to get someone to fuck so I could get a good night’s rest.” Len sighed.
“Kay.” Hartley seemed to deflate some how as he went back to work. Len studied him for a bit and thought back to the fireman that Hartley was dating. J name, thinking about it for a moment he remembered. Justin. That’s it.
“When’s your next date with Justin?” Len asked casually only to get a dark look over the control panel that Hartley was working on. “What?”
“We broke up.”
“The last few days.” Hartley went back to work.
“I hadn’t heard that.”
“Yeah apparently I am too into my work and not into him enough.” Hartley grumbled.
“From the fireman...” Len frowned. “You guys have been pretty serious.” He thought back.
“Yes we had been.” Hartley frowned and put his tools down. “Do you make a habit of keeping track of my love life or lack there of?”
“Usually I’m better at it.” Len frowned.
“Oh?” Hartley blinked.
“Yeah, I do it for everyone in my life. It helps me know what’s a problem and what’s not. I can tell when you’re in a good spot or bad. But break up? You two were in the sweet spot for your dating cycle.” Len was puzzling it together.
“I have a cycle now?” Hartley said coldly over the control panel as he started attaching wires again. His own professional sense of pride in his work keeping him from leaving the job half finished, even though the more Len talked about keeping tabs on him the more apt he was to want to do something about his being here.
“You’re more the long term sort of person.” Len said casually. “You’re in it for a nice guy who’s smart enough to understand you but dumb enough to need you to explain the big ideas to. And you have a type. Muscular, cis men, who have jobs and are self supported, and like to cuddle.” Len shrugged. “And usually you meet them, you flirt, you move on to dating, then there’s the fourth date rule.”
“Now how the fuck do you know I wait till the fourth date!?” Hartley slammed down his tools.
“Because you’re the type who is catty and flirty with everyone in the room but you use it a defense mechanism. Your really a little unsure and you want to know the guy’s into you for you and not just looking to spread your legs and make you beg.”
“You really think I’m the bottom in my couplings?” Hartley smirked as he went back to work now.
“I figured some of the bravado was true.” He shrugged as they heard a door slam in the back of the safe house. “Well he’d have come in the front if he was alone.” Len shrugged. “I promised him you’d be done by the time he was. So you might want to step up the progress.” Len went to busy himself with his head phones to block out the very loud and aggressive sounds of sex that were threatening the integrity of the wall between them and Mick. He did notice that Hartley seemed to pale as he looked at the wall before he went back to work. Clearly determined to get out of here faster then Len had expected. Shaking his head he turned up the music till it was all he could hear and faced the other direction as he worked. It was an hour later that Len pulled one head phone out and heard nothing from Mick’s room but the sound of water, meaning someone was showering. He put his head phones away and looked over at Hartley who was just finishing the panel up.
“It’s armed, I’ll email you the settings when I get home.” Hartley sighed as he started towards the front door when the door to Mick’s part of the safe house opened, and Hartley dropped his tools as he looked at his ex boyfriend standing in Micks’ bedroom door.
“Sorry, he... Sort of broke the back door... It wouldn’t open.” Justin stood there, his hair wet from the shower as he looked at Hartley.
“Ju-justin...” Hartley felt his heart plummet.
“Hart, what are you doing here?” Justin frowned. “You aren’t the type to stock an ex.”
“No he’s more the type to pine for them. The fuck are you doing here?” Len frowned.
“Uh... Well we met at a bar and he bought me a drink and...” Justin actually blushed as Mick came out in just a towel.
“Still here huh. See Len, I bagged one, happy now?” Hartley turned to Len with wide eyes.
“I did not tell him to go get him!” Len headed off that idea in Hartley’s look.
“What do you mean him?” Mick frowned and looked at Justin who was looking between him and Hartley.
“You didn’t mention you were friends with Hart....” Justin bit his lip.
“So, I know the kid.”
“He’s my ex boyfriend you.... You.” Hartley picked up his tools.
“I’m sorry Hart, I wouldn’t have.. I...” Justin sighed. “I’m not the kind of guy who sleeps with his ex’s friends. I think I should go.” Justin started for the door.
“Why don’t I help you.” Len met him half way and walked him out. He was going to give the it’s been nice, but never come back here again, hope you enjoyed the ride, speech he saved for some of Mick’s dates. But Justin stopped mid step suddenly, something working across his face before he blinked and turned to look at Hartley and Mick who were standing there not talking as his mouth fell open. “Holy fuck this is him, isn’t it... This is HIM.” Justin looked at Mick with wide eyes now.
“What do you mean?” Mick frowned just as Hartley sighed and said “Yes.”
“Holy fuck...” Justin was rooted to the spot. “Hartley you have no clue what you’re missing.” He shook his head as Len directed him back towards the door, convinced he was probably going to have to ice parts of Justin for starting what ever this was.
“What did he mean by that?” Mick turned to Hartley who wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You talk about me to silk britches over there?”
“Silk... Oh his boxers. Oh god he was wearing the black silk ones wasn’t he.” Hartley made a face like he couldn’t unsee this event.
“Yeah...” Mick frowned.
“Something I bought him for his birthday.” Hartley felt like he was going to be sick.
“Lovely... Like we needed another level of awkward with this one.” Mick sat down in just his towel.
“I’m sorry.” Hartley said after a long while of silence.
“I’m sorry too. I don’t keep track of their names and faces like Len does.” Mick hung his head.
“I...” Hartley started and stopped. “It’s okay.” He finally settled on.
“If I’d known... I wouldn’t have... I mean, I needed that... In the worst way. And fuck... He ever do that thing with his tongue...”
“I taught him that.” Hartley had a death grip on his tool box.
“oh....” Mick blushed horribly.
“So....” Mick offered trying to figure out what to say about this now.
“I did tell him about you.” Hartley sat down looking away from Mick.
“Do I want to know what you said?”
“That you’re the one I couldn’t have.” He sighed as he looked at his hand.
“Come again?” Mick frowned.
“I have the hots for you okay? I think you’re fucking sexy as fuck and I want you, and I knew I couldn’t have you because you weren’t gay but apparently that’s out the window so it’s just that I’m me and you’re you and you get to have sex with ...” His voice cracked then as he looked at the door and sighed. ‘with my ex who I told I loved and he left me.’ Left unsaid as he looked at the door. The man he’d been ready to forget about Mick with had just dumped him and fucked Mick. There was something seriously wrong with the universe right now. Hartley started to crumble in on himself mentally, he couldn’t deal with this.
“Ha ha.” Mick gruffly said.
“What?” Hartley frowned.
“Len put you up to saying that?” Mick crossed his arms, leaning back with a glare. “He finally figure out that my problem with you is that you’ll never give a guy like me a second look but you’ll date morons like silk britches.” He stared Hartley down.
“I’m sorry, what?” Hartley looked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, just keep making fun of the dumb muscle guy. Just because I’m not your type doesn’t mean you have to put on this song and dance for me.” He stood up and started towards his room.
“Song and dance?” Hartley mouthed before he noticed Mick was almost to his room and did the only thing he could think of just then, he threw his tool box against the wall next to Mick’s head. Mick spun around, the towel being lovely and fanning up for a second to give Hartley a look at very large things that he so wanted to think about later when he wasn’t standing there panting scared out of his mind that he’d almost hit Mick with 6,000 dollars worth of tools.
“Are you fucking stupid!?!” Hartley screamed, making Mick stop in his tracks. “The guy I finally felt right telling that I loved him, finally felt like I was over you enough to be with, dumps me, and then walks out of your bed after fucking wall breaking sex, and you think I’m putting you on about how much I wanted that to be ME in there tonight!?” He screamed walking up to Mick and poking him hard in the peck. “Because I’d have given just about anything to be the one spread out against the wall as you pounded into them you fucking moron!” He when to hit Mick and Mick grabbed his wrist.
“You told him you loved him?” Mick frowned.
“Yeah.” Hartley was on the verge of tears as he struggled to get his wrist out of Mick’s grasp.
“And he left you over that?”
“Said I couldn’t possibly love him more then I did my work and you.” Hartley looked at his wrist after he finally pulled out of Mick’s loose grasp.
“What a fucking tool.” Mick looked at the door.
“Good enough to get you off apparently.” Hartley reverted back to his sassy nature when he was hurt and didn’t want to show it.
“You know I wouldn’t have picked him if I knew.” Mick glared.
“So you said. How do I know this wasn’t just some attempt to just finally tell me that I wasn’t ever going to be good enough.” Hartley glared at Mick.
“What?” Mick frowned, utterly lost now in this conversation. “No. I... Fuck.” Mick growled. “I don’t know which one I’m killing first. Len for making me go out tonight, or silk britches for being such an ass hole to you.” He started towards the door like he meant to do just that right now.
“No.” Hartley tried to stop him in an almost comical show of ineffectual lack luster strength before he finally got between Mick and the door.
“Out of my way.”
“You’re not stopping me from hitting one of them.” Mick started to try to open the door, when Hartley just grabbed his face and pulled him down into a kiss. Mick’s hand went limp on the doorknob as he allowed himself to be pulled into the kiss, going in deeper as he picked Hartley up, holding him against the wall as they made out. The movement of the shorter guy up his body enough to undo the tie on his towel making it fall to his ankles as he made out with Hartley the pair of them hitting the wall pretty hard as they made out.
“The fuck.” Len walked in, Justin following him, part of him afraid that they’d come to blows over him but his jaw feel open as they watched the pair making out. “Oh fuck, you out, NOW!” Len shoved Justin out the door, locking it as he went, he so did not need to see this, what ever the fuck this turned out to be once they had all their clothing back on.
“Why are you out here drinking while you sit on the curb?” Lisa asked later on when she showed up with supper.
“Mick’s in there having sex.” He gestured to the house.
“He can’t have been louder then your music.” She scoffed.
“He wasn’t. When he was fucking Hartley’s ex.” He shook his head.
“Oh it gets better. Hartley was here working on the fire suppressor for me, and watched his ex walk out of Mick’s room.”
“And then they had a fight.”
“Hartley and Justin?”
“No Hartley and Mick.”
“Fuck. Where’s Hartley?”
“While Mick’s having sex.”
“So they finally figured it out huh?”
“You owe me fifty bucks.” She smirked as he handed her the money from his wallet.
“I didn’t think they’d work out what ever their problems were, and I didn’t think it was this.” He shook his head.
“I told Mick to go get laid, and he brought back Hartley’s ex.” He shook his head, taking another hit off his beer.
“Oh this just gets better and better.” Lisa crowed.
“Why?” Len gave his sister a look.
“Oh I had a bet going with Mick that you’d some how solve his problems with Hartley and he bet me fifty bucks that you’d never figure it out, let alone solve it.” She laughed.
“Sounds like tonight’s been a great night.”
“Yeah, right up till I walked into the living room to find out what the noise was and Justin and I caught a very naked Mick taking Hart’s cloths off.”
“Ah, it’s totally worth it though.” She smirked.
“Why, because you made a 100 bucks?”
“No, well yes, but no.” She grinned. “No, it’s totally worth it now because Hart had a bet going with me that I couldn’t solve his relationship issues.” She smirked.
“When have you had time to make a side bet with Hart?”
“When we went shopping to cheer him up after Justin and him broke up.” She smiled.
“Your long lunch the other day?”
“Yep. Time well spent.” She smiled. “I might have mentioned to Mick about a bar down town where he’d have better luck picking up a one night stand, after I talked with Hartley. And I might have been planning on setting them up on a blind date in a couple weeks, but this works too. Gets me an extra 50 because you managed to get them together before I could spring my trap.” She smiled blissfully.
“150 richer, what do you plan to do with your ill-gotten money?”
“Probably pay Justin for taking my advice and trying to meet someone new.” She shrugged.
“I may have told him that Hart was madly in love with someone else and that he’d be better off looking for a hook up instead of a long term relationship...” Lisa smirked.
“So you purposely broke Hartley up?”
“Not on purpose. Not entirely. That was weeks ago. I don’t even know why they broke up. But yeah it was probably a little to do with me.” She grinned. “Though it all worked out.
“You’re evil, you know that right?”
“Naw, I’m just really good at planning love lives.” She shrugged. “Especially if the people involved don’t notice I’m working things out for them.”
“And what will you do with your evil planing skills next?”
“Dunno yet, when’s your next date with Barry?” She grinned, sipping on her coffee when Len turned and gave her a look, should couldn’t know that he’d been dating the Flash on the sly since he got back. Could she? A look at her face and the way she was smirking at him told him that she’d probably orchestrated their whole getting together and he was suddenly awestruck with how powerful a master mind his own sister was. The sheer amount of pride he felt for her eclipsed his horror that he’d been managed by his little sister into sleeping with his once nemesis.