Daughter counts the days until his punishment.
Not punishment for killing. That man was a piece of shit, an abuser, a monster far worse than the ones the Pentagon Crisis have been fighting, and ridding the city of his rapist, murderous ways was doing every poor woman a favour. He doesn't pretend that his motivation was anything but revenge, but even if it served him, the good it did is still there, so he doesn't feel guilty.
What he feels guilty for is dragging January into all this.
Not that he's the only one to blame. He's not entirely sure why Krohiten bound them together, attached January to him with a double chain of control and protection. Maybe he was hoping that having something to protect would stop him from forfeiting his own life.
No such luck. Maybe it would have worked if Daughter hadn't been carrying death in his blood for the last ten years. But it shares his steps now, death around him, death because of him, death by his hands. It's death that keeps him walking, not life, and it was bound to end someday.
But January deserves life. Because death has followed him like a shadow and he needs to be free of it, finally. Because even with genocide a whisper away, January has never opened his field.
And January can't be free until the angel of death finally leaves his shadow. So he has to go. He just wishes they had never become close.
Because he has become his shadow, the darkness to show his light, the killer who keeps his hands clean, and he would do it again, if it could save him, but the one he should have saved him from is himself. It should have been someone else holding him through nightmares and sharing his stories of fire, maybe Yvienne, maybe strong, reliable Lari. Someone who could have become his strength and support, someone who wasn't bound to disappear.
He is glad that January learned to smile for real. But it shouldn't have been him.
And now he's going to pay the price.