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01/08/2016

(13:08) Hey Nyma, it's the cutie from the coffee shop on Saturday ;)

(13:09) Thought I'd check if you were still up for doing something this week?

(13:11) ...Who is this?

(13:12) Cutie from the coffee shop? Brown hair? Chocolate eyes? Smile to die for? I bought you a drink and you wrote your number on a napkin?

(13:15) Think you've got the wrong number...

(13:15) So this isn't Nyma?

(13:16) Last time I checked? No.

(13:18) Aha wow my bad.

(13:19) Sorry, must've typed in a digit wrong. Fat thumbs and all that.

(13:19) Sorry for bothering you!

 

(13:45) Hey Nyma, it's the cutie from the coffee shop on Saturday :)

(13:45) Thought I'd check if you were still up for doing something this week?

(13:47) ...It's the same person from before and you've still got the wrong number.

(13:48) Uhghhhhhh damn it

(13:49) My bad, my bad - thought maybe I typed it wrong. Guess not.

(13:50) Sorry again!

(13:52) Dw.

 

 

02/08/2016

(00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose?

(00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake?

(00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it?

(00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy...

(00:33) Cause, you know, her threes could very easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones?

(00:45) What

(00:46) The

(00:46) Fuck???

(00:47) Oh good, you are awake!

(00:47) So what do you think? Wrong number on purpose or a genuine accident?

(00:49) I wasn't awake. I was fast asleep until you woke me up.

(00:50) My bad, my bad.

(00:51) What do you think though?

(00:52) Don't you have friends to bother with this crap?

(00:54) Obviously.

(00:55) But Hunk is sleeping and I'm not really in the mood to get smothered in retaliation for waking him up. Again.

(00:55) And since you can't smother me, I thought I'd pick your brain.

(00:56) So, once again, what do you think?

(00:57) If I answer do you promise to let me go back to sleep and leave me alone?

(00:58) Scouts honour!

(00:59) She probably gave you the wrong number on purpose.

(01:00) Hm. Alright. Thanks!

(01:00) Sorry for waking you. G'night.

(01:03) Night.

 

 

04/08/2016

(11:03) Have you seen my cat?

(11:05) Have I what?????

(11:10) Shit.

(11:10) Sorry.

(11:11) Was meant to message my neighbour, but my chat with you is still at the top of my messages and I just automatically clicked it.

(11:12) ...We haven't spoken for like two days and I'm still at the top of your messages archive?

(11:13) Don't take this the wrong way but...

(11:13) ...Do you have friends?

(11:15) How am I supposed to not take that the wrong way?

(11:15) There is literally no other way to take that

(11:18) True.

(11:19) But do you?

(11:20) Bye.

(11:21) Wait wait wait waittttt!!!!!

(11:22) What's happening with your cat? I'm highly invested now.

(11:30) Aw don't ignore me now!!!

(11:31) Alright I'm sorry for asking if you have any friends.

(11:32) But, in all fairness, you did pretty much ask me the same thing the other night.

(11:35) I did not.

(11:36) "(00:52) Don't you have friends to bother with this crap?"

(11:37) ...

(11:37) Point.

(11:40) I'm glad you're starting to see things my way.

(11:40) So...what's up with the cat?

(11:42) He's not my cat really. He's my brothers, but I'm supposed to be looking after him while he's at uni.

(11:43) You lost the cat didn't you?

(11:44) Not intentionally, but, yes. I lost him.

(11:46) H O W ?

(11:47) Cats are like the easiest pets in the world do look after. Next to, I dunno, a pet earthworm?

(11:49) Pet earthworm?

(11:49) I went through a Phase.

(11:50) Anyway, how'd you lose it?

(11:55) Like I said, it wasn't intentional. But, ah, well, I think I left my bedroom window open last night and he probably climbed out of it?

(11:56) Probably?

(11:57) Definitely.

(12:00) Don't worry about it so much, cats are always leaping out of things.

(12:03) But Muffin is a house cat. He's never really been outside before. What if he got hit by a car?

(12:04) Or attacked by a dog?

(12:05) Or kidnapped??

(12:20) Hello?

 

(14:02) Did you know there are precisely six hundred and forty-four tiles on the ceiling of the detention hall?

(14:03) Do you know how I know that?

(14:04) No, but I suspect you're going to tell me...

(14:05) Because I've just spent an hour in detention without even so much as a book to keep me company.

(14:06) Do you want to know why I spent my lunch break in detention?

(14:08) Please refer to the previous answer.

(14:09) Because your cat is named Muffin.

(14:10) Yeah, I'm not following.

(14:12) Long story short, I was in the middle of a lesson and when you said your cat is called Muffin I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.

(14:12) Teacher noticed I had my phone in my hands and the rest is history.

(14:13) Serves you right for laughing at Muffin.

(14:14) WHO NAMES THEIR CAT MUFFIN?

(14:15) ARE YOU SECRETLY AN 80-YEAR-OLD WOMAN???

(14:17) I didn't name him - my brother did.

(14:18) And Muffin is a perfectly acceptable name for a cat.

(14:20) Muffin probably ran away because he hates being called Muffin.

(14:21) He's probably with a new family who have given him the name he deserves.

(14:23) What would you name him then o' great cat whisperer?

(14:24) Cat whisperer? I like it.

(14:25) What's he look like?

(14:27) Just your average black cat. Been getting a little chubby lately, I guess.

(14:30) Gomez.

(14:31) Gomez?!?

(14:32) How is Gomez any better than Muffin???

(14:35) You know, like Gomez from The Addams Family?

(14:36) Perfect name for a black cat in my humble, and totally correct, opinion.

(14:40) "Humble"

(14:42) Thank you for agreeing.

(14:43) Anyway. Did you end up finding Muffin/Gomez?

(14:45) No...

(14:46) Slightly worried because he hasn't been acting normally these past few weeks.

(14:47) We think he might be ill.

(14:50) My neighbour's gonna help me put up posters when she gets home from school though.

(15:00) Ah, good luck!

(15:03) Keep me updated.

(15:04) I don't know how I'll be able to sleep at night if I don't know Muffin/Gomez is safe.

(15:07) ...Right.

 

(19:12) Update: Muffin is safe.

(19:13) We found him in the park with a group of cats. Mildly worried he might be part of a gang. This big one with one eye tried to claw my face off when I went to grab Muffin.

(19:20) This is the greatest news I've heard all day.

(19:21) Give Muffin/Gomez a kiss for me, will you?

(19:23) No.

(19:24) Party pooper.

 

(22:24) What am I saved as in your phone?

(22:26) What?

(22:27) It's a simple question Muffin's Terrible Uncle.

(22:28) That's what you're saved as in my phone FYI.

(22:29) I found him didn't I??

(22:30) And...I haven't saved your number yet.

(22:31) Wow.

(22:32) I'm hurt.

(22:32) And here I was thinking we had something special - a bond if you will - all the while I'm still just a +44 in your phone book.

(22:33) I don't typically save numbers of people I'm not going to speak to more than once.

(22:34) We've spoken more than once already.

(22:36) I guess...

(22:37) Is this going to be continuing then?

(22:39) Do you mind?

(22:40) Not really. You're...entertaining?

( 22:41) Damn right I am.

(22:42) So, about that name...

(22:44) Cat Whisperer.

(22:45) I was going to suggest 'Muffin's Favourite Uncle He's Never Met' but, you're right, Cat Whisperer sounds better.

(22:46) Muffin would hate you.

(22:47) He hates everyone except my brother. He's only just started warming up to me.

(22:48) Maybe because his name is Muffin.

(22:48) I would definitely make it my mission to hate everyone extra hard if my name were Muffin. But that's just me.

(22:49) Anyway, all cats love me. I'm like their God or something.

(22:50) Living up to your Cat Whisperer name, I see.

(22:51) ᕙ( : ˘ ∧ ˘ : )ᕗ

(22:52) Now we've got names sorted, I gotta ask...

(22:53) ...What?

(22:54) You aren't like...twelve are you?

(22:55) Cause earlier you said you were waiting for your neighbour to finish school to help you put up posters, implying you weren't at school. So either you're too young to go to school (yikes) or too old to be at school (also yikes???)

(23:00) Oh.

(23:01) I'm 17.

(23:01) I, uh, I don't go to school though. I dropped out after it stopped being mandatory.

(23:02) What about you? Are you like...twelve?

(23:02) Oh, cool.

(23:03) Ahaha, no I'm 17 as well.

(23:03) I'm still in school though. Boarding school actually.

(23:04) It is nothing like the Enid Blyton books before you ask. I feel like I've been sold a lie.

(23:05) Yeah, I know. My brother went to one for a few years.

(23:05) I've heard all the horror stories.

(23:07) Eh, it's not that bad.

(23:08) Supposed to be good preparation for university or something.

(23:09) Or something.

(23:10) Yeah.

(23:11) So what do you do, if you're not at school?

(23:11) Gonna go ahead and guess babysitting a cat isn't your full-time job?

(23:11) Since, you know, you're so terrible at it.

(23:12) Excuse you, you're talking to a professional cat sitter.

(23:12) But I do some work with my dad when I'm not looking after Muffin.

(23:13) Sounds fun.

(23:14) I guess.

(23:16) Speaking of dad, he wants me up early tomorrow so...

(23:16) Night.

(23:18) Goodnight MTU.

(23:19) Make sure you give Muffin/Gomez a kiss from me.

(23:20) No.

 

 

05/08/2016

(09:46) Lance, you know I love you, right?

(09:47) I am very aware of this fact, yes.

(09:47) You know you're my best friend? And there's very, very little I wouldn't do for you???

(09:48) Hunk? I'm worried. Are you dying?

(09:48) Oh God, am I dying? If I'm dying I don't want to know. Let me live the rest of my days in blissful ignorance.

(09:49) No. But you will be if your phone vibrating keeps me up all night again :)

(09:51) Cold, man. Cold.

(09:52) Who were you even messaging?? I'm your best friend and I sleep in the bed next to you.

(09:53) Jealous?

(09:55) Hahahaha, you wish. Just trying to work out who's captured your attention.

(09:56) You didn't sign up to one of those 'adult messaging' services again, did you?

(09:56) Because I already told you I'm not fixing your phone again when you get another virus.

(09:58) That was ONE time and it was an ACCIDENT.

(09:58) And we promised we'd never speak of it again.

(09:59) You broke a promise Hunk. A promise .

(10:00) Stop trying to distract me. Who were you texting?

(10:01) Ooooh, that girl from the coffee shop?

(10:02) Yeah actually.

(10:03) Omg, really?

(10:03) Cause like, no offence, but I was so sure she gave you a fake number.

(10:05) WOW.

(10:06) I said no offence.

(10:10) Stop giving me the silent treatment.

(10:11) I'm literally sitting two feet away from you.

(10:12) I CAN SEE YOU READING THIS.

(10:12) I'll help you with your Physics homework if you Stop.

(10:13) Love you <3

 

(16:00) I finally got Overwatch.

(16:01) Wanna come over?

(16:02) I'm already outside your door.

 

(17:03) How is Muffin/Gomez?

(17:04) Missing again?

(17:05) Ha ha. No. He's fine.

(17:05) Well, not fine.

(17:06) What did you do to him????

(17:06) What did you do to my nephew???????

(17:08) Nothing!

(17:09) I told you, he's been acting strange lately.

(17:10) He won't eat his food and he just keeps rolling around and moaning. It's actually quite disturbing. Like he's possessed or something.

(17:11) We're taking him to the vet on Monday.

(17:15) Ugh, my poor nephew. Rub his belly. Cradle him in your arms.

(17:16) And keep me updated. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to Muffin/Gomez.

(17:17) I can't tell if you're serious or not.

(17:20) Deadly.

(17:20) Muffin/Gomez is like a family member to me now. I'm very concerned for his safety.

(17:21) Also.

(17:22) I'm bored.

(17:22) Hunk is doing this after class robotics project or something.

(17:23) On a Friday night when we could be hitting the town like the teenagers we're supposed to be.

(17:24) Robotics sounds cool though.

(17:25) Oh yeah, it's really cool. Hunk is like some sort of genius.

(17:25) I'm wiping away tears of pride just thinking about him.

(17:26) You know he built a robot to pick up our dirty laundry???

(17:27) Sounds like he's using his abilities for the right things.

(17:28) I know right? It even folds our shirts. Fuckin amazing. Nobel Prize winning material right there.

(17:28) But yeah, he's working on something else right now, so he's busy with that and I'm...

(17:30) Bored?

(17:31) SOOO BORED.

(17:32) Are you sure you're not twelve?

(17:35) Almost 90 per cent sure, yes.

(17:36) What're you doing?

(17:37) I'm at my neighbours. She finally got Overwatch so I'm watching her play.

(17:40) Oh, am I disturbing?

(17:52) AYY Hunk is back! Gonna try and convince him to sneak out with me.

(17:53) Have fun with your game!

 

(21:24) So.

(21:26) Pidge?

(21:30) Who were you texting?

(21:31) I'm texting you?

(21:31) No. Earlier. When I was playing the game, your phone kept vibrating.

(21:32) And you had this weird grin on your face.

(21:33) Very creepy can I just say.

(21:36) I wasn't grinning.

(21:37) I took pictures if you don't believe me.

(21:38) Yeah, you were that distracted.

(21:40) I can't believe this violation of privacy.

(21:41) I'm supposed to be a guest in your home!

(21:42) You haven't been a guest for about five years, but alright.

(21:42) So who is it?

(21:44) Can't decide whether to be proud you’ve apparently got a new friend, or insanely jealous.

(21:44) I'm gonna go with tentatively proud.

(21:44) So spill. Who is it?

(21:45) Why is the idea of me having friends so surprising to you?

(21:45) I have plenty of friends.

(21:47) You have me and Shiro.

(21:47) And neither of us count considering we've been neighbours since I was born and Shiro is your brother.

(21:49) ...

(21:49) I'm friends with Matt.

(21:50) My brother doesn't count either.

(21:51) Are you gonna tell me who you were talking to or am I gonna have to hack into your phone?

(21:54) Can you do that????

(21:55) I dunno.

(21:56) Probably?

(21:56) Are you giving me permission to try?

(22:03) Fuck no. 

(22:04) Telling your mum to stop letting you watch Mr Robot though.

(22:04) And I'm not talking to anyone. I don't even know him.

(22:04) Or her?

(22:05) Them?

(22:06) Oh, is this like an internet friend or something?

(22:07) Not really. He (she? they?) text the wrong number and then I accidentally messaged him (her? them?) about Muffin and, yeah.

(22:07) No big deal.

(22:08) Yes big deal.

(22:08) You're still talking to them aren't you?

(22:09) Very big deal.

 

 

06/08/2016

(00:05) Hi.

(00:07) Can I ask a question?

(00:09) asjadhfdgjjwncikjlobl

(00:10) qwhyfjvkhohlvhxhvsurneuyso

(00:10) vnysyhxjfkgk heuydhbfvntoehwycgd

(00:12) Alright then.

(00:13) Drunk?

 

(11:28) So.

(11:29) I found out I text in my sleep. Not very well apparently, but still. 

(11:29) Thanks for that.

(11:30) Is that what that was?

(11:34) Yeah. Very offended you assumed I was drunk by the way.

(11:34) I'm a model citizen and was in bed and sleeping before midnight on a Friday night thank you very much.

(11:36) I'm supposed to believe that?

(11:37) I mean, you could at least pretend to.

(11:37) What'd you want to ask anyway?

(11:38) Are you a boy or a girl?

(11:40) Hello to you too, Professor Oak.

(11:41) Sorry, couldn't think of a way to ask that didn't sound ridiculous.

(11:41) So you went with a Pokémon phrase?

(11:42) I'm impressed. Might change your name in my contacts to Prof. Oak.

(11:42) Guy, though.

(11:45) Cool. 

(11:45) Same.

(11:46) Cool.

 

(11:56) He's a he.

(12:00) I thought you said this isn't a big deal.

(12:01) It's not. I'm just informing you.

(12:03) If it's not a big deal you wouldn't go out of your way to find out and then make sure to tell me, would you?

(12:03) Checkmate, Kogane.

(12:05) Remind me again why we're friends?

(12:06) Because we've been living next to each other for 14 years and I'm the only person besides Shiro who doesn't annoy the crap out of you.

(12:06) And this new guy apparently.

(12:08) Thanks.

(12:10) Going into town in a bit, you wanna come?

(12:12) Yeah, I need some new parts for this computer I'm building. Gimme 20 mins.

 

(14:08) How's Muffin/Gomez?

(14:08) Hope you're taking good care of my nephew.

(14:09) If anything happens to him, I'm holding you personally responsible.

(14:14) How old is Muffin/Gomez?

 

(14:30) Why are you groaning?

(14:31) Why are you texting me? We're in the same room.

(14.31) You're so rarely silent, I'm making the most of it.

(14:32) I gotta start auditioning for a new best friend.

(14:32) Requirements: must not mock me.

(14:33) That's it? I didn't know your standards were so low, bud.

(14:34) And yet you can't seem to meet them. Strange isn't it?

(14:35) Hilarious. Why're you groaning though?

(14:35) Coffee shop girl stop texting you back?

(14:37) Mmm. About that.

(14:37) She did give me the wrong number.

(14:38) I KNEW IT.

(14:38) Ugh, don't stress about her, dude. She just used you for a free drink, totally not worth your tears.

(14:39) I'm not crying Hunk, what the fuck???

(14:40) Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

(14:41) doNT THROW YOUR DIRTY BOXERS AT ME

(14:41) Wait, just realised. If coffee shop girl gave you the wrong number, who have you been messaging?

(14:42) The person behind the number she gave me?

(14:42) He's pretty chill.

(14:44) You're talking to a stranger?

(14:45) Everyone starts off as a stranger if you think about it.

(14:46) Don't get all philosophical on me. You know what I mean.

(14:46) I can see you sticking your tongue out at me.

(14:47) dONT FART

(14:47) JESUS LANCE HOW OLD ARE YOU??

(14:47) And what the fuck did you eat?? I can't breathe.

(14:55) You're so dramatic.

(14:55) You didn't need to kick me out of the room.

(14:56) I most definitely did.

(14:56) Go away and air off.

(14:57) Seriously man, I'm worried about your diet. People aren't supposed to smell like that.

(14:58) Yeah, yeah.

(14:58) I'm gonna grab some food from the vending machine. Star Wars marathon when I get back?

(15:00) It's like you know the way to my heart <3

 

(19:18) Sorry, was out with a friend all day.

(19:20) Vadar just cut off Luke's arm.

(19:21) This is so overdramatic I'm howling. How is Luke still upright??

(19:21) Where's the blood???

(19:22) Star Trek?

(19:25) I'm blocking you immediately.

(19:26) ??????

(19:26) Oh, wait. Star Wars.

(19:26) Sorry. They're all the same to me.

(19:28) nO THEY ARE NOT???

(19:28) What the fuck? What the fuck? wHAT THE FUCK?

(19:29) Alright, Hunk is glaring at me so I'll tone it down. But like

(19:29) They're most definitely not the same.

(19:29) And Star Wars is superior in every single way.

(19:30) I'll take your word for it.

(19:30) Have...have you never watched Star Wars before?

(19:31) Holy shit, am I talking to a virgin?

(19:31) What.

(19:31) We definitely don't know each other well enough to be talking about stuff like that. What. 

(19:35) What???

(19:35) Oh, nah I mean like, a Star Wars virgin.

(19:36) Not...you know. That kind of virgin.

(19:36) Oh.

(19:37) Right.

(19:37) Shit.

(19:38) This isn't awkward at all.

(19:38) I'll just...gloss over it.

(19:39) You gotta watch Star Wars, man.

(19:39) It's life changing.

(19:40) Also

(19:40) Young Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher???

(19:40) 10/10 would recommend.

(19:42) I'll add it to my list.

(19:45) Nice.

(19:46) Anyway, we're about to start The Phantom Menace (yeah we're watching in a weird order) and Hunk looks like he's gonna kick me out of the room again if my phone keeps vibrating. So

(19:46) Talk later?

(19:47) Kick you out again?

(19:47) Yeah sure.

(19:47) Bye.

(19:48) Give Muffin/Gomez a kiss from me xo

(19:50) No.

 

(21:23) Do you want to watch the Star Wars movies with me?

(21:26) What?

(21:26) Now?

(21:26) There are seven movies, you know that right?

(21:27) Oh. Never mind.

(21:28) That wasn't a no.

(21:28) I'd never say no to a Star Wars marathon.

(21:28) Just letting you know what you're getting into.

(21:29) Back door's open, let yourself in.

(21:30) Bring popcorn.

 

07/08/2016

(17:03) I don't understand Kylo Ren.

(17:10) Huh?

(17:11) Vadar left the Dark Side, so what is he trying to finish?

(17:12) Holy

(17:12) Fucking

(17:12) Shit

(17:13) Did you actually marathon the entire Star Wars series?????

(17:13) Is this real life??

(17:14) I did.

(17:14) Me and my neighbour. 

(17:14) I haven't moved from this bean bag in almost fifteen hours. I think it's actually attached to me.

(17:20) D U D E

(17:20) When I told you to watch it, I didn't think you'd do it right away.

(17:21) This is the greatest thing I've ever heard ever.

(17:22) Even better than when I found out Han Solo is getting his own movie.

(17:23) A solo movie.

(17:23) And you're already making puns???

(17:24) I think I'm in love.

(17:28) Uh.

(17:30) That was a joke. 

(17:31) But like, I'm impressed.

(17:31) Just told Hunk and he's super impressed as well.

(17:31) Called you 'a God among men'

(17:32) Did you enjoy it?

(17:35) Yeah, it was really good.

(17:35) Dunno why I took so long to watch.

(17:36) But yeah, haven't moved in almost a day, so I'm gonna...gonna try and unstick myself from this bean bag and get some sleep.

(17:37) Night.

(17:40) GOODNIGHT YOUNG PADAWAN

(17:40) Give Muffin/Gomez a kiss from me.

(17:41) Are you going to keep saying that until I say yes?

(17:44) Most definitely.

(17:44) Are you going to do it?

(17:46) No.

 

(21:00) Not that I'm complaining, but where'd the sudden Star Wars interest come from by the way?

(21:06) No reason.

(21:06) Just wanted to see what all the hype was about.