Have you ever been replaced?
Physically, mentally, emotionally, in every damn way that kills you?
I saw her today with Steve. Don’t get me wrong, she’s nice. Her name’s Sharon. Yes, Sharon, sweet, sweet Sharon. She was taller than me, prettier than me, smarter than me. Just better. Steve was my best friend until she came along. She came out of nowhere and now she has him in the palm of her hands. I don’t know what annoys me more. The fact that she’s now his best friend and girlfriend, or the fact that he left me so suddenly because someone better came along.
I always thought I loved Steve to a limit. Best friends. No, this girl came along and made me realized, I wanted him more than I ever thought I did.
Damn her with her curly blonde hair. Her nice smile. Her taller and better figure.
Damn him for replacing me without a care. Damn him for making me love him so much, just to throw me away.
Yet, even after everything…
Here he is again. Here we are again. We’re sitting on the couch, just us watching some mindless TV.
“Hey, you know there’s a new movie coming out,” he says.
“Yeah?” My heart rate starts increasing at the sound of his voice. Damn him.
“Superman V Batman, you love that kind of stuff right? Well, we haven’t hung out much these past days, do you want to watch it?” He smiles at me kindly.
“You got it Captain,” and for that day, everything feels right again. I have my best friend back for a few moments.
Days past before we talk again because he’s too busy with someone else, but did it matter to me? No. Why? Because I was an idiot. Idiotically in love with America’s sweetheart, in love with his smile, kindness, caring soul, and whatnot. I disregarded how he always had me around when necessary.
But still, I believe that everything will go back to the way it was before she came along.
I call him right as I get up to confirm our plans for the movies tonight. He didn’t pick up. I assume it was because it is too early. I get up and out of bed, ready to start my day.
Throughout the entire day I didn’t see Steve, but my hopes did not flatter. I still converse with Hawkeye, train with Black Widow, talk geeky with the green rage monster, eat pop tarts with Thor, and caught Tony up on my crush on Steve.
“Do you think anything will happen tonight?”
“(Y/n), he has a girlfriend.”
“Well, yeah. Right. Do you think our friendship will at least be the same again?”
“Yeah, yeah I do,” Tony says setting down his screwdriver.
I let out a small squeal and leave the laboratory to get ready. I didn’t see Tony’s heartbroken look as he sees his friend getting ready for her ultimate heartbreak. He prays for something to happen for her to avoid all the heartache.
An hour later, I am finally ready. I pick up my phone to text Steve and wait for his reply. I go to the living room and sit down to watch a little TV.
Five minutes later, my phone buzzes. It wasn’t a text from Steve so I ignore it.
Fifteen minutes, I double text Steve asking him where the hell he is.
Thirty minute of silence.
An hour and I admit defeat. I have been stood up.
I’m still staring at the TV, but my mind is racing with possible reasons for this. I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t stand me up. Right? Best friends don’t leave the other hanging like so. I shake my head.
No, maybe he’s hurt, or in danger, or worse.
I stare at my phone again and decide to throw my pride out the window. I text him once again asking him where he is.
He finally replies.
Sorry, you can’t have your phone on during the movies. What’s up though?
My heart stops, I hear white noise, and my breathing becomes slower, shakier.
The hell was he doing at the movies…
My hands shook as I text him. I go over and over what I wanted to write. I erase and retype my words on the screen until it comes out clear and nice.
Just haven’t heard from you all day, was worried.
I stare as the three dots come up again on the screen. I wait and wait and wait for his reply. My feet are bouncing in anticipation.
Finally, he sends me a picture.
The picture is him and Sharon, holding popcorn and tickets to…
Batman V Superman.
Of course he forgot. I’m nothing much. I’m just (Y/N) with a plain face, boring personality, and hopeless dreams.
I begin to laugh.
I should have known. I should have fucking known. I wasn’t anything to him. I was just a placeholder. He didn’t care about me the way he cares about her, despite the fact that I was there first. I was the one who helped him become accustomed to life after in ice for seventy fucking years. I was the one who stood by him when he fought for Bucky. I was the one who, with Sam’s help, made sure he was safe and not off doing something stupid.
Then Sharon comes out of fucking nowhere and he drops me off like I was no impact on his life.
I laugh because I am pathetic. I waited for this old man to come and get me for nearly an hour. Thinking that I actually had a chance, of not getting him to love me like I love him, but still being my best friend. Still being his best friend.
I laugh and laugh because I thought he still cared. I thought he cared.
I feel someone’s arms around me, and I breath in for a few seconds to smell Wanda’s perfume. She’s hugging me tight, and I finally break down.
I sob into her arms as she holds me.
My head spins and I clutch my wildly beating heart. My vision is no longer just blurred but shaking. I then see that I’m the one shaking.
I should have known.
I should have realized.
I was so damn replaceable for this one bastard who never gave much of a damn about me.
I finally learn the lesson: Don’t ever. Ever. Give more love than you receive. It will destroy you in the end.
I didn’t understand that lesson because Steve had the power to drag my heart through hell, and I would let him do it a second time, and a third time. Because he always makes me forget what I learnt.
I stand up and Wanda helps me into my room.
“You vant to talk about it?” She says, her accent was soothing. She pushes the hair out of my face and hands me a tissue once we sit down on my bed.
“No, no I’m good,” I say.
“Yes,” she says.
“What?” I ask for clarification.
“Yes, you should confront him. It’ll ease your soul,” she says, reading my mind. I nod and just sit there staring the wall. My heart empty and numb, my eyes itchy and red, my ears were still ringing with white noise.
But a small part of my mind still wonders.
For how long did I mean so little to him?