This is it.
Taking a deep breath in, I shot an anticipatory yet anxious glance to my wife, Jillian Holtzmann. I was propped up in the examination chair at our obstetrician’s office, the doctor having stepped out with a promise to return and begin the insemination process. Her hand gripped mine, a gleaming, supportive grin gracing her face.
“This is it!” She voiced my thoughts, excitement spilling at her seams. I patted down the uncomfortable paper gown, wishing I wasn’t left in such an... open... position with my feet propped up in the holsters. “I know!” I breathed, unable to contain my smile, despite my nerves.
Resting my head back on the headrest, my head met with Holtzmann’s hand instead, her fingers instinctively sliding into my hair. My skin warmed up in comfort. Our eyes met, and I swooned. I love her eyes . We’ve been married for 2 years, yet she still makes my nerves tingle and my stomach flutter.
This is it .
It had been just a week short of a month since the appointment, and I was past the point of urgent. Jill and I had made an agreement; no pregnancy tests until a month has passed. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, that way we didn’t get ahead of ourselves, and end up taking a test just to be let down at the negative when we could very well still end up pregnant.
Though, at this point, I was regretting it willfully. Every time I sat still I found my leg bouncing, my mind sitting firm at the thought of the drugstore merely a block away. It would be so easy. I bit my lip. Just have to walk a little bit, pee a little bit, and I would know. I audibly sighed, the irritation with the situation surfacing.
“You alright over there, babe?” Holtz didn’t look up from her current project, a pen in one hand, and stray chunk of metal in the other as she jotted down notes on how she would use the piece in her latest creation. I huffed, puffing a piece of hair from my eyes and looking over to her.
“I’m fine,” I grumbled. Her eyebrows rose, a smirk playing across her supple pink lips. I found my eyes glued to them more often than not. She was confidently mine, yet I still felt such a heavy sense of yearning over her at times. She’s the love of my life . I smiled at the thought.
“Mood swings, huh? Interesting.” Holtz winked at me, my grimace immediately returning at the reminder of the subject. I just scoffed, brushing her off while walking down to the kitchen, leaving behind her laughter.
The crew had just finished dinner together, the topic only resurfacing as dinner conversation, irking my nerves once again.
“It’s almost been a month you guys,” Abby excitedly pointed out. I grunted in response, roughly biting into my eggroll. Jillian chuckled, patting my hand,
“She’s just getting impatient.” I rolled my eyes, and muttered incoherent obscenities along the lines of “you’re impatient, asswipe” and “butt head”.
Abby just rolled her eyes, and Patty perked up from her phone, turning the screen towards us.
“You know, the baby is only this big in the first month!” The picture made my heart swell. Jillian swung to look at me, gleaming with hope.
“Little baby bean!” She grinned through her mouthful of noodles, and I smiled, shaking my head and taking a water chestnut from between her lips, popping it in my mouth.
After dinner everyone dispersed. Abby and Patty were quietly working at their desks, studying; in their own worlds. Holtzmann had left for a visit to the scrap shop, and I had turned down her invitation to join as an idea edged its way past my conscious. I slipped down the stairs and out the door, neither of the women taking attention.
Just walk down the street, pee on the stick, and I’ll know.
I felt guilty immediately after, bouncing my leg in anticipation while sitting on the toilet. I waited for the results of the test to appear on the stick, my breathing shaky. Though, the guilt was clouded with anticipating excitement.
I felt my phone vibrate, indicating the results were now visible. I picked up the stick, and felt everything around me evaporate, tears clouding my vision as I read the word.
Pregnant - 2 weeks .
“It has to be a surprise,” I stressed, looking the two shocked women in the face, my eyes darting back and forth between them. Suddenly, screams erupted from them, both of them completely disregarding my enforced secrecy and they swung their arms around me tightly. I gave in, screeching along with them, giving into their hugs and gleeful kisses.
“What, what?!” My wife bounded down the stairs, stumbling with maniacal panic in her eyes. We all quickly sobered up from our excited fits, and Patty cleared her throat.
“Nothing, nothing. Erin just finally solved this really intense equation. We were excited for her, that’s all.” She quickly yet efficiently lied, and I nodded unconvincingly in agreement. Although, Holtz wasn’t phased, simply smiling with pride and nodding in my direction.
“Good job, babe.” She beamed, before bounding back up the staircase, leaving us being to silently celebrate. After a few moments of that, I collected myself.
“Okay, how are we going to tell her?”
I stood up at the whiteboard, which was crowded with equations, but my thoughts couldn’t budge from the idea of what was about to happen. My hand instinctively went to my stomach, a soft, happy sign exhaling from my nose. I pulled myself together, going over my plan once more in my head, and spun around.
“Hey babe, will you come up to roof with me?” It was spontaneous, random, and probably suspicious. It was a simple, transparent plan, but my lying skills were practically non-existent, so the challenge was still fully evident. But it didn’t matter, because the other two women were already in place, and it was about to become very obvious.
“Uh, okay?” The blonde bobbed her head up and down, standing from her stool to follow me. “Any reason why?”
I shook my head no, gently smiling and taking her hand, leading the way. Once I opened the door, although cheesy, the two women screamed holding up a hand-made banner that read,
The three of us bounced and laughed, watching Holtzmann as her mouth fell open and her expression went stark. I bit my lip, and her eyes met mine.
“What?” She gasped out in a whisper, her eyes wide and doe-like. I smiled big, nodding, feeling tears brim my eyes.
“We’re pregnant, we’re going to be mommies ,” I whispered, and sobbed out gleefully when Jillian shouted a loud “oh my god!” and tossed her arms around my waist, lifting me and twirling around. We both were sobbing at this point, the other two women throwing themselves at us, the banner falling to the ground, leaving the 4 of us engulfed in a massive group hug.
Jillian broke the hug and tightly gripped my face, probably unattractively squishing my cheeks, but I couldn’t possibly focus on that. Tears had my cheeks soaked, my nose sniffling as my giant face-splitting smile was permanently frozen on my lips.
Her face was all the same, pale cheeks blotchy from tears, her bright smile illuminating her eyes. “Mommies,” She breathed, shakily. “We’re fucking mommies!” I screaming in agreement, leaping back into her arms.
After many (probably too many) minutes of screeching, crying celebration, we had settled into the rooftop furniture. Jillian and I were sprawled together on the lounge chair, the other two women on the couch. We were all sipping celebratory drinks, the three of them drinking champagne while I happily sipped bubbly grape juice, not at all inconvenienced by this change.
“Wait,” Jillian broke the joyful silence, her hand that had been rubbing slow circles along my stomach stopping. My back was rested against her chest, my arms resting on hers that were wrapped around my waist.
“It hasn’t been a month yet, you went against the agreement!” She whined. I looked up at her through my lashes innocently, and Patty barked out a laugh.
“Bitch, you think that actually matters? Ha!” Jillian laughed and nodded in agreement, muttering out a soft true . Abby raised her glass, standing up and clearing her throat. We all directed our attention to her, Jill and I propped ourselves up so that we were sitting up rather than lying down.
“I’d like to make a toast you guys,” She smiled wide, her eyes gleaming. “To Holtzy and Erin; you guys are going to be amazing Mommies!”
I was now at my 7th week mark of our pregnancy, and everything was going well. Every appointment had concluded in a clean bill of health, and Jillian and I were nothing short of ecstatic. Holtzmann was being so attentive and sweet, it was almost annoying. Not quite .
I had just recently begun feeling urges of morning sickness. So far, it hadn’t been much more than nausea, but today seemed to be a different story. I turned over in our bed, feeling my stomach turn uncomfortably. I groaned softly, resting my arms over my eyes. Suddenly, my gag reflex was triggered and I leaned over the side of the bed, my face in the trash-bin.
“Oh, babe,” Holtz groggily sat up, her hand immediately running up my back soothingly. I whined softly, heaving all over again, the bin now between my legs, hanging over the side of the bed. Jillian sat up, her legs on either side of me, rubbing my shoulders and whispering soft comforts such as let it out and it’s okay, babe .
Eventually, I felt it safe to pull my face from hiding in the bin, and placed it onto the floor to free my hands. I hid my face in them, leaned my head between my knees and groaning loudly. My forehead had become slightly clammy with sweat, and my cheeks were burning red.
“C’mon,” Holtz urged me up, and pressed a kiss to my forehead before guiding me into the bathroom. “Poor Gilbert.” She grinned at me, a sympathetic but sly smirk across her face as she leaned in the doorway. As I’m sure she intended, I smiled slightly, my toothbrush dangling from my mouth as I tucked hair behind my ear with one hand, the other propping me up on the counter.
We made our way to the firehouse, 2 hours late due to my constant & recurring puking. Great morning. I thought to myself, going to step out of the car when Holtz rushed over helping me out. I yanked my hand from hers, doing it myself.
“I’m fully capable,” I snapped. She put her hands up in surrender, a small smirk playing at her lips. She opened her mouth to make a remark, and I swung to face her, my finger in her face.
“Don’t you dare, Jillian.” I snapped. Her eyes went wide, her mouth shutting. I think my bitter mood is perfectly justified, considering I spent the vast majority of my morning hurling up my insides.
Jillian hurried ahead of me, and I walked in fumbling with my bag in frustration, stopping in place when Holtzmann’s hurried whispers to the rest of the group silenced at my appearance. I raised my eyebrow.
“Hey!” Patty greeted, a little too cheerfully.
“Hi,” I muttered back slowly. I looked around the room, everyone avoiding eye contact. Patty was leering over her book, Abby pretending to be focused on her laptop. Holtz was fiddling with a straw that was left on the main table.
“So Jill told you about my morning then, huh?” I grinned playfully. They all sheepishly nodded, and I just pecked Holtz on the lips on my way to my desk, settling in to work.
Holtzmann and I bounded the stairs to the fire station, we were holding hands, and were both giddy as can be. I was at 5 months, and had a pretty significant bump. It was Holtzmann’s obsession; every chance she got she was touching, kissing, or talking to my belly, leaving me swooning over her sweet obsession with the baby already. We had just arrived home from the OBGYN and had amazing news that we were boiling over with excitement about.
“Hey guys! How’d the appointment go?” Abby greeted, looking up from teaching Kevin something or other at his desk, which he would probably forget in the next 2 minutes. Holtz dragged me to the center of the room, calling for Patty to join us in the main room of the fire house. She was bouncing on her feet, and I couldn’t stop smiling, my hand now habitually rubbing my slightly bulged belly. Jillian looked at me for approval, actually jumping at this point, her blonde locks fluffing with her motions.
I laughed, nodding at her, “Tell them, tell them!” I insisted, squeezing her hand. Patty looked between us, and then back at Abby. At this point, Kevin had even become interested, looking at us with big, confused puppy eyes.
“Tell us what?” Abby pleaded. Holtz looked at me once more, before grinning wildly. “We’re having a boy!” She screeched, throwing her hands up, taking mine with it, breaking into a leggy celebratory dance. Everyone screamed and crowded around Holtz, hugging her and jumping. We had learned that over time, after many different crushing group hugs, it might not be the best idea for my pregnant self to take part.
“Yay!” I cheered from the side, bouncing on the tips of my feet and clapping.They separated, laughing and congratulating over and over again. Holtz wrapped her arm around my shoulder, beaming with pride, and kissed my temple before crouching down in front of me and pressing a kiss to the bump.
“Hey little guy…” She cooed, and I swooned at my family. My family. The sound of that made me ecstatic, and before I could even register it happening tears were pouring down my cheeks. Abby chuckled, aw-ing at my sobs and rubbing my arm.
“Don’t cry honey!” She chuckled, wiping away the tears from my face. Holtz stood up, engulfing me into a hug as I sobbed laughing lovingly with Abby and Patty. The words kept rolling over my head, pure joy radiating from it. Yet, all I could do was sob, and even I recognized the hormones taking action at this point.
“What Gilbert? What is the matter?”Jillian cupped my face, snickering, and I pulled away, hiding behind my hands as the sobs racked me.
I threw my hands up, laughing through the cries. “I have no damn clue,” my hands slapped my thighs, and for a second I thought the crying stopped. But then I thought about the crying…and it began all over again. Holtz absorbed me into a tight hug, laughing with the rest of the group as I shamefully sobbed for no reason.
Later on that night, Holtzmann and I had made our way home. I was slouched on the couch, already in my p.j.s (which simply consisted of a sports bra and boxers, Holtzy’s boxers) my tongue poking out of the corner of my mouth while I balanced an apple on my bump. My wife emerged from the hall, obviously coming from the shower as the towel hugged her body and her shoulder length wet hair stuck to her back.
“Look!” I smiled proudly, the apple balancing on its own. Holtzmann spun around, grinning wildly when she saw my miniature accomplishment.
“Nice.” She smirked, nodding in approval. I sat back up, biting my lip while looking her up and down. Her long legs were revealed under the short towel, water droplets still running down them as she traipsed about the apartment casually, as if she wasn’t naked, covered by a mere cloth. I felt my cheeks blush when she bent over to pick something up, her ass peeking into my view.
“Jillian,” I murmured, looking at her through my eyelashes. “You have got to stop that before I jump you.” I was warm and red in my cheeks, and Holtz winked at me, walking over and leaning down to give me a hearty kiss, before disappearing into the bedroom to change. I followed, plopping myself down onto the bed. I felt a snap beneath me, and sat up, confused.
“What the…” I muttered, looking under me, then I realized was it was. “Oh my god,” I groaned, flopping back. The blonde looked at me over her shoulder, pulling a loose tanktop over her head. “What’s up?”
“The elastic waist on your boxers may have just snapped from my belly…”
Cravings . They were all I could think about at this point. It was 3 am, and I was laying silently in bed, Jillian sprawled starfish style across the bed; and me. I felt my mouth water. I really need a Big Mac right now. I felt my stomach growl. Dipped in chocolate. I internally groaned. With a bowl of caramel on the side . After 4 long minutes passed, I couldn’t contain it anymore. I gently poked her face, grinning as her nose scrunched up.
“Holtzy,” I whispered, poking her again. She stirred suddenly her eyes darted open and she quickly pushed herself up.
“What, what? Are you okay?” She asked hurriedly, putting her hand to my stomach. I grinned sheepishly. “Can we go to McDonald’s and see if they’ll put caramel and chocolate on a Big Mac?” Jillian plopped back down in relief, her cheek against the bed as she faced her head towards me.
She grinned tiredly. “That sounds nasty. Let’s go.” I cheered in excitement as she jumped up, pulling me up with her when she noticed me wobbling but failing to sit up, my belly obstructing me. I felt my stomach growl in excitement again, and I threw on one of Holtzmann’s big playboy robes over my sports bra and a pair of slippers. I bounced slightly.
“I’m so hungry.” I grinned, rushing her as she laced her Doc Martin’s seemingly teasingly slow.
“Okay, okay. Maybe put on a coat, it’s winter. And then to McDonald’s we go.”
The next morning, Holtz and I groggily made it to work on time shockingly, and without a second thought I collapsed on the couch curling up (as best as I could) for a nap. Holtz was less worse off than I was, considering how often she broke a regular sleeping schedule. She simply draped her sweater over me and plopped down at my desk, reading over some equations we had worked on the day before.
After a brief nap, I was up again, my hand resting on my belly as Holtz and I worked through a particular equation that we were struggling with. Abby had joined as well, scrawling writing on the board as we all thought out loud together.
“You guys are like damn magicians,” Patty muttered, walking up the stairs to read up on a house we had received loose reports from over the past weeks. I was missing busting, being restricted by the whole group, mostly Holtz, to go on any calls. I think it’s crazy. Holtz does have the doctor on her side though…so I give in. I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt a strange sensation on my belly, dropping the notebook and putting my hands up.
“Woah,” I squeaked out. Both the women looked up at me. I felt it again, my eyes widening. “ Woah!” I said, louder this time, looking at Holtz.
“What, does it hurt? Where does it hurt?” She put her hand onto my stomach, and mine followed in suit.
“It-it doesn’t hurt, it ju- woah!” I laughed, realizing what it was at the same time as Holtz. “Oh my god, he’s kicking!” I giggled, grabbing Abby’s hand and placing it on my stomach as well. He jostled against my stomach, both the girls ecstatically reacting and I felt tears prick at my eyes. Holtzmann put her face to my belly.
“You’re really in there!” She giggled to him, and upon her interaction, he kicked again, much rougher this time.
“Jeez!” I laughed, and Holtzmann beamed up at me. “He really likes you!” I tossed my head back laughing as she kissed my belly over and over again, and I saw a bright flash from the corner of my eye. Holtz stood, both of us directing our attention to the glasses-clad brunette, who was smiling proudly.
“I had to capture it!” She cheesed, showing us the picture, and my heart swelled at the site of my wife and I.
I was a week and a half late for my due date. A week and a half. My belly was swelled way past the point of comfort, and my feet were constantly, constantly sore and swollen. My back was aching as I sat in the ugly, uncomfortable desk chair, trying to find an appropriate angle to write on my desk without my bulbous stomach getting in the way.
“God damn it!” I hissed, slapping the book down on the table. I attempted to push myself up, wobbling, and plopping back down into the chair. I groaned. “Jill!” I snapped.
She rolled over on her stool, and eyebrow raised, grinning. I scowled at her grin. Why does she get to be comfortable…
“I can’t get up!” I slapped my hands down on the arms of the chair. “Again!” I snapped, exasperated. She silently stood, pulling me up out of the chair. “I have to fuckin’ pee…” I muttered, looking up at my wife as she made sure I was stable. “ Again!” I repeated. She looked at my sympathetically.
“I know you’re uncomfortable. I wish I could help. I’d take some of the discomfort on myself if I could.” My eyebrows shot up at that.
“Well, you could have..” She gave me a pointed look. “Sorry.” I muttered. I didn’t have the energy to have that pointless, frustration fueled argument again. After peeing, for the 100th time I might add, I waddled back out to the workshop. I stood at her work bench, watching her work, my thoughts drifting.
“Y’know,” I started, and she looked up cautiously. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a handful lately.” I smiled sheepishly. She pouted, awe-ing at my words. “Don’t you worry, ghost girl,” My head swam, she still makes butterflies erupt in my stomach. “You are carrying my baby, after all.” She winked, and I snorted out a laugh.
“For real though, I’m miserable right now and want nothing more than for it to be over, but I am going to miss being pregnant. I love having our little boy protected at all times,” I cradled my stomach. As if on cue, I felt my water break, trickling down my legs. My eyes went wide.
“Holtz…” I said slowly. She looked up, her eyebrows furrowed. “My water just broke.”