“This is not the plan.” Daisy reminded not for the first time that hour.
Clint finished assembling his rifle and took a look into the scope. “Yeah, well, this is actually part of the plan. it’s called winging it.” Through the scope, he can see Phil. His hands were cuffed just above his head and the villain of the week was pacing in front of him. It looked like Phil was hanging off of the ground.
“Hawkeye, I’m not so sure this is the best way to go about this situation.” That was Captain America’s voice coming through the comms, sounding worried.
“Yeah, birdbrain. I mean I know you have an amazing aim, but even I can’t shoot that far without a guiding system.” Iron Man added.
“It would be in the best interest of everyone if you just stood down for a moment, Barton.” May suggested, well, it was really more of an order, but since he was no longer a SHIELD agent, May can’t tell him what to do anymore. so hah. “Wait for us to get there and we can-”
Clint took the comm out and rolled his eyes at them. They thought he was going to miss and possibly hurt Coulson in the process, the assholes. As if. The day he hurt Coulson would be the day he fires his last bow, and fuck if he was gonna allow that day be today.
He took a calming breath in and looked through the scope again. The villain was talking but he was facing Coulson, so Clint can’t read his lips, Phil said something,You’re never going to get away with this. Clint read his lips, and smiled.
That was a code they made up when they were drunk a few years ago. They were watching a shitty spy movie and laughing at all the inaccuracies the film presented. It was the first time Clint has seen Phil laugh so hard at something so… normal that he couldn’t help being charmed. Now that he thought about it, that might have been how his silly crush started. And now, here they were, seven years later, happily married, and still using that stupid code they made up when they were drunk and stupid.
Phil had jokingly said that they should use the tackiest lines in the spy movies. “You’re never going to get away with this”: meant “Help me break free”. “You sick bastard,” meant “incapacitate the leader”. “I’ll get away,” meant “take aim”. and finally, “just you wait,” meant “fire”.
It was stupid, and they never thought they’d actually use it, but it’s actually saved them more times than they’d like to admit. It worked for the simple reason that bad guys hated getting riled up, so the dialogue between the captor and the captive was usually the same.
The captor would try to taunt the captive by explaining their evil plan, the captive would say either say “You’re never going to get away with this,” or “You sick bastard,” or something to that extent. Then the captor would try to explain that what he’s doing is for the good of the world, yadda, yadda. Then the captive will either say, “I’ll stop you,” or “They’re going to save me,” The captor will laugh maniacally and then leave the scene. It’s a standard. So Clint and Phil use it to their advantage.
Clint looked through the scope and watched Phil’s mouth move. It looked like the villain of the week was a talkative sort. Even Phil looked bored now.
I’ll get away. Just wait.
Clint pulled the trigger, shooting at the handcuffs, effectively cutting through the chain and freeing Phil. He quietly watched as Phil took out one guy after the other. He got Phil’s back, for sure. but Phil looked like he was having fun punching people out cold, so Clint just hung back and watched his husband have fun.
Half an hour later, Iron Man landed on the roof were Hawkeye’s last comm transmission came from and found not only Hawkeye, but Phil Coulson as well.
“Hey Tony.” Clint greeted with a grin.
“Mr. Stark.” Phil nodded without getting up from where he was seated. “Would you care to join us?”
“Tony, Iron Man, are they there?” Captain America asked through the comm.
“Yes. Yes, they are.” Tony sounded resigned.
“And? Are they okay? Is anyone hurt?”
“They’re having a picnic.”
“They’re having a what?”
“A fucking picnic in the goddamn moonlight.” Tony all but yelled.
Clint offered him a Capri Sun.