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Sweep the Kitchen

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"Will you stop it," Maria says, glaring at Phil from across both of their desks.

"Stop what?" Phil asks.

"Stop that. Stop smiling. And being happy. And..." Maria's eyes, which were already narrowed, scrunch even further. "Christ on a cracker, Coulson, are you humming?!"

Phil pauses everything he's doing, takes a brief inventory of himself, and finds that, yes, he was indeed humming a jaunty little tune. "Huh."

"Ugh. Just... You are not allowed to hum. Got it?"

"Maria," Phil says calmly, "our case is closed, the murdering, sociopathic bastard we've been chasing across half the city is in holding and will probably be going to Rikers in the morning, and Fury has given us the next two days off. I can hum if I want to."

"Except you're not humming about closing the case," Maria says. "You're humming because you're going to go off and have a fuck ton of sex with your hottie boy toy. I do not appreciate pre-sex humming, Phil."

Phil raises an eyebrow.

Maria glowers at him. "You know what I mean. Shut up."

Phil snorts. "It's true, I am going to go off and have a fuck ton of sex with my hottie boyfriend. But, that is not why I'm so happy."


Phil feels the expression on his face grow into something soft and fond. "When I called Clint earlier to let him know I was coming by tonight, do you know the first thing he said to me?"

"What should I be wearing, daddy?"

"He said, 'I knew you'd catch the guy, Phil'. I haven't seen him in five days. I've barely even had the time to call him. And that is the first thing he says to me." Phil shakes his head at the wonder of it. "There was no anger, no resentment, no recrimination. He said he was going to be okay with weird hours, but..."

"Damn," Maria says. "I don't suppose Clint has a brother laying around that he hasn't told you about? Or a cousin? I would take a cousin."

Phil chuckles.

"You grinning still freaks me out, though."


"Also, don't ever use the word 'hottie' again."

"Yeah, that felt weird to me too."