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Hi, I'm Captain Jack Harkness

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Chewbacca was not, actually, having a good time.

It was the third bar they'd been to, and Han had been shot down twelve times. Every time a woman told him to fuck off, he got a little whinier, until Chewbacca was ready to hit him over the head and haul him back to the Falcon to sleep it off. Lucky number thirteen, he figured, was going to be the cutoff; Han probably wouldn't be able to tell a hangover from a—well, he wouldn't give him a concussion. Much.

Right now, Han was trying for a blonde who already had two men with her; sometimes Han really knew how to pick 'em. Although he'd been at it for a couple of minutes now, and one of the men was just laughing while the girl blushed and hid behind her hair. The other one was looking Han up and down--he was the one Chewbacca was watching. He didn't look like he was thinking about a fight, but neither had that one guy last week.

"Well, Rose," the guy said finally, "you could do worse. I might go for him myself, although his friend looks like he'd be more interesting in bed." And he gave Chewie a wink.

Uh-huh. "You wish," said Chewbacca, really wanting the blonde to turn Han down so Chewie could hit him over the head and take him home. He had better things to do than hang around and be a target for humans who wanted to joke about being kinky.

The guy slid closer. "You bet I do," he said, and held out his hand. "Captain Jack Harkness."

There was a startled moment where Han and Chewbacca processed that Captain Jack Harkness understood Wookiee, and might--possibly--have been serious. Han recovered first, and stepped up to clap Chewbacca on the shoulder. "Chewie, I'm surprised at you," he said. "He's not usually this rude, I swear." He grinned at Chewbacca. "I'm sure he'd be happy to let you buy him a drink."

Right. Revenge for the thing with the Rodian and the stormtroopers this morning, and my-friend-likes-your-friend leverage with the blonde. Chewbacca bared his teeth.

"I knew you'd see it my way," said Han, and turned to Harkness. "He's a little prickly at first, but he's really a big softy. You just have to try and get to know him a little."

"Oh," said Harkness, "I don't think that'll be a problem." Han turned back to the blonde, and Harkness said, "So, about that drink--I'm having this blue thing, tastes like heaven and kicks like a krayt dragon--and you know, I saw a krayt dragon for the first time just today, and I can tell you right now, they are some pretty fearsome kickers. You want one?"

This was going to be a long night. Chewbacca waved at the bartender and pointed to his glass.

"More of the same, huh?" said Jack, when the bartender came over and poured, and tossed the credit chits over before Chewbacca could say anything. "Stick with what's good. Although I have to tell you, this blue thing is doing wonders for me. Even your friend is starting to look better."

Chewbacca snorted.

"Exactly. So, he called you Chewie. Is that your name?"

Chewbacca was not in the habit of thinking humans were charming. They were little, and they were mostly hairless, and they were capable of being incredibly irritating even when they weren't being cruel and sadistic. Even Han. Especially Han.

"I like your hair," said Jack Harkness. "I knew this guy once, he had hair almost like yours--longer, though, and it was blue--same color as my drink, actually--and he said he never understood how I walked around naked all the time. I thought that was really sexy."

Also, humans were never as funny as they thought they were. At all.

"Chewie’s a nickname. My full name is Chewbacca," Chewbacca said.

"I like it," said Harkness. "And you can call me Jack. Since I'm trying to get you into bed and all."

"Right," said Chewbacca. "Jack. And what brings you here, besides the blue drinks and the attractive Wookiees?"

"Well, I wouldn't need any more reason than that," said Jack, "but you know, I have these friends," he waved towards the other two humans, "and they like to travel around and get into other people's business."

Chewbacca tensed. "How into other people's business?"

"Oh, they won't do anything unless you're in trouble. Or getting someone else in trouble. Or if you look like you're going to get into trouble or get someone else in trouble." Jack sighed. "So, if you're in the business of getting people in trouble--maybe put it on hold until you don't see us around anymore?"

Chewbacca thought about this. "Han doesn't like people who stick their noses into other people's business," he said finally.

Jack gave him a quick, penetrating look. "Oh yeah? And what do you think?"

"He's the captain," said Chewbacca.

Jack leaned onto the bar, looked down into his drink. "Right. I know how that works. Get caught up in something, meet this guy, suddenly you're flying around with him in his ship, doing what he does, except whoops, by the way, he's fucking crazy."

Chewbacca couldn't help it; he started to laugh.

Jack pointed at him. "See, that's right. You know what I'm talking about. Every time you turn around, you're getting in trouble, running away from people shooting at you--"

"--old grudges, old debts, old lovers--" Just last week, even--

"--explosions, government coups--everywhere we go, trying save the fucking universe--" and Jack trailed off, turned back to his drink.

"Save the universe," said Chewbacca softly. Right. He could barely get Han to save himself, some days.

"Yeah," said Jack. "Your boy doesn't look like the universe-saving type, somehow. He looks more like me. Con man type."

Humans and their mood swings. "He looks like he needs a kick in the ass just to get his boots on the right feet," said Chewbacca. "Which is what he has me for."

Jack looked up, and now he was smiling. "I believe that. I bet you could save the universe in your spare time, if you didn't have him to look after."

That sobered Chewbacca a little. "No," he said. "I tried once."

The penetrating look was back. "I bet you did," said Jack. "I just bet you did."


After that, they lightened the conversation up a little, talked about the band, and spent some time making fun of Han crashing and burning with Jack's friend Rose.

"I have to say," said Jack, after she and their other friend had finally pushed Han gently but firmly away, and Han had gone off to try his luck with a human girl across the bar--Chewbacca had decided to conveniently forget about the thirteen-girls thing--"anyone who's seen Rose and the Doctor together and still tries the 'let's ditch this guy' line does not get a lot of respect from me."

"He's an idiot when he's drunk," said Chewbacca, and then considered. "Well, he's always an idiot. But especially then."

"Good thing he has such an intelligent and attractive partner to make up for it," said Jack, grinning.

Chewbacca shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and decided that he'd finally had enough. "Look," he said, "You're--well, almost funny, and probably a better conversationalist than anyone else here, including my partner--"

"Thank you--"

"--not that that's saying much--but quit it with the sex jokes."

Jack looked startled. "Who's joking? I really want to get into your--fur." He grinned.

Chewbacca shook his head, frustrated. "The last time a human hit on me was twenty years ago. Nowadays, under the Empire? One of you might go as far as a Twi'lek, but even the human hookers try not to go as interspecies as a Wookiee."

Jack looked at Chewbacca for a minute, and then he said, "Okay, I see where you're coming from. And I've got two things to say to you."

"Shoot," Chewbacca sighed.

"The first thing is, don't mention the Empire to my friend over there. Or at least, don't do it tonight."

Other people's business, thought Chewbacca, and also, more quietly, in the back of his head, saving the fucking universe. It almost made him want—but he was done being that stupid. "All right," he said.

"The second thing is," Jack leaned forward, "my friend that I told you about, with the blue hair."


"There's a reason I was hitting on you," said Jack, and his voice was a little lower, "and that reason is that I know what full-body-hair feels like. Against every part of my body. And, let me tell you--there's nothing else like it."

Chewbacca was struck by a momentary mental picture; he shook it off as fast as he could, but he was left with the impression of Jack sprawled out underneath him--"I don't know any human who wouldn't call you a pervert, just for that."

Jack grinned. "After he left, I got myself a shag carpet, but it wasn't quite the same."

Chewbacca snorted an involuntary laugh.

"C'mon," said Jack. "Have you ever had a human?"

Chewbacca was quiet for a second. "Once," he said finally. "A long time ago." Before the Empire, before everything, just off Kashyyyk and ready to try anything new and galactic, and she'd been trashy and probably just looking for a bed for the night and maybe breakfast if she was lucky, but--she'd liked his fur--

"Was it good?" Jack asked, and his voice was softer.

"Yes," said Chewbacca. It had been good. He'd had to be careful--she'd been on top, and he'd clenched his hands on the bed and kept his claws in--but Jack looked like he was less breakable. And Jack's hand was on his thigh, suddenly, fingers curling in his hair, and Chewbacca bit the inside of his mouth--he hadn't had any sex in forever--

No, he thought, while Jack looked up at him with wide human eyes and said, "Do you have a room, back on that ship of yours?"

No, no, no--"Yes," he heard himself say, and he finally stopped kidding himself. He looked around the room--Han was still talking to the other human woman, and this bar wasn't the type for fights, too mellow. Han would be all right, and Chewbacca wanted--"Yes, I do," he said again.

"Let's go, then," said Jack. They got up to leave, and Jack put on a coat and waved to his friends, who rolled their eyes at him, while Chewbacca's brain yammered at him about what the hell he was doing.

"After you," said Jack, and Chewbacca led the way out of the bar, towards the Falcon.


"Usually someone says something insulting about the ship right about now," Chewbacca said.

"I fly around in a little blue box," said Jack, "I have no right to insult how anyone else's ship looks. Besides, when it comes to this ship, all I care about is where your room is."

So Chewbacca took him to the crew's quarters, and into his own tiny space, and was getting ready to stand around awkwardly for a second while they figured out what to do first when Jack's hands slid into his fur, and he went absentminded for a second. Jack was pressed up against him, saying in a low voice, "Oh, that is nice--hold on a second," and he started pulling off his clothes--the coat, the vest, the shirt, the boots, and why the hell did humans wear so many of the damned things--

When Jack came back up against him, he was naked, and Chewbacca could feel all that skin against him--reversal, he supposed, of whatever Jack felt when his skin was up against full-body fur. It was good, touching another being, feeling his heartbeat against his skin--Chewbacca could feel his cock stirring, pressing up against Jack's side--

"These proportions aren't the best, standing up," Jack said. "Because none of the interesting parts line up, and even if one of us is kneeling, I don't think it'll quite work--here--" and he was pushing Chewbacca back onto the bed. Chewbacca went willingly, because now Jack was kneeling over him, and his thigh was pressing right between Chewbacca's legs, and Jack's own cock was rising to the occasion--it brushed against Chewbacca's hip, and Jack paused to draw in a quick breath. "Oh, yeah," he said. "That's just--perfect. Nothing's like that."

And that was--there was something about it, the words and the way he said them. Chewbacca ran his hands down Jack's back, and watched in fascination as Jack closed his eyes, his head going back. "Keep doing that," he said. "I could come just from that."

"Maybe I don't want you to come that fast," said Chewbacca, feeling the words rumble in his chest.

"Maybe my refractory period is short enough to keep it from making a difference," said Jack, panting a little, and rubbed up against Chewbacca's thigh. "That is--oh, that is good--"

He was starting to flush--Chewbacca had always been fascinated by that, the rush of blood into a human's face, skin turning pink and then red. He touched his tongue to Jack's cheek, feeling the heat underneath.

Jack let out a breathy laugh. "That's nice, I like that--"

I could watch you all night, Chewbacca thought, and before he could think about it, he let his claws come out just a little, so Jack could feel them against his back. "Don't come yet."

"Oh, you have claws," said Jack, his fingers clenching in Chewbacca's fur, pulling himself back with an effort. "I didn't know that. You know, there are so many interesting things you can do with claws--"

Chewbacca's hips lifted at that--dangerous, forbidden, to use his claws to hurt someone else--but sex toy wasn't in quite the same class as weapon--and he pulled Jack's head down, running his tongue over Jack's jawline and down to his throat.

"Oh," said Jack, "you should do that all over, except--you have to stop it for now, just--" he pulled away. "I think it's my turn to do things to you," he said, and slid down Chewbacca's body and ducked his head.


Chewbacca's first, surprised thought was I didn't think their mouths were big enough for this, but Jack had taken in most of Chewbacca's cock on the first smooth, practiced downward stroke; it was wet and hot and he could feel Jack's throat muscles, clenching around him. Jack bobbed his head, and Chewbacca's cock slid out of his mouth, and then back in, and out again--cold air. Chewbacca whined and pushed his hips up--carefully--and Jack slid down again and started sucking. Chewbacca closed his eyes and thrust a little, and Jack took it easily and kept sucking. His tongue was moving against the underside, and his teeth had somehow disappeared and oh fuck Chewbacca was going to come right now--

Jack lifted his head and grinned, lips red and wet, and Chewbacca groaned. "Still want to go slow?" he asked.

Chewbacca wasn't prepared to articulate you are a cocktease, Jack Harkness, so he just groaned again.

"Didn't think so," said Jack, and went back down.

It was amazing. Chewbacca had never thought about it in this context before, but humans really did have these wet, tight mouths. And Jack apparently didn't even need to breathe, he'd had Chewbacca's cock down his throat for what felt like forever now, it was--oh fuck, it was too much--

Jack swallowed without even flinching, and then lifted his head and took a deep breath. "You taste good," he said, and grinned.

And that was it--at this point, it was a matter of honor to reach up, flip Jack over, and commence with making him lose his mind. Jack laughed when he hit the bunk on his back, but the laugh turned into a gasp when Chewbacca leaned over him, hands sliding down Jack's chest. He let himself down, slowly, until he was flat on top of Jack, his face in Jack's throat, feeling Jack hard against his stomach. He tongued Jack's throat, softly, feeling Jack's groan against his chest, and started licking his way down, across the collarbone, flicking his tongue against Jack's nipple, down his breastbone. Jack lifted his hips when Chewbacca started licking down his stomach, and he detoured, briefly, around Jack's own small patch of hair to the smooth skin of his hips, inner thighs, and finally up to his cock. He licked a long stripe up it, careful of his teeth, while Jack groaned and said something above him, panting. Chewbacca didn't hear the words, but he heard the tone, and he lifted his head and wrapped a hand around Jack's cock.

Jack whined back in his throat, high-pitched and sounding desperate, and his eyes closed and he arched up off the bed. Chewbacca cupped Jack's hip with his other hand, slid it down and behind Jack's thigh, and started moving his hand on Jack's cock. Jack made breathless noises, and opened his eyes and looked down at Chewbacca's hand, fur getting wet with Chewbacca's own saliva and the semen seeping out of Jack's cock. Chewbacca watched his face, moving his hand faster or slower, while Jack watched Chewbacca's hand on his cock, his breathing coming faster and faster. Until Chewbacca leaned forward, moving far enough up that the changed angle made Jack bite his lip, and reached under Jack and turned them on their sides, pulling Jack forward, so they were pressed up against each other with Chewbacca's hand moving between them. His leg was hooked around Jack's, and his arm was around Jack's back, and he was jerking Jack's cock slowly, thoroughly, until Jack's hands clenched in his fur and his head went back, and he pressed up against Chewbacca while he came in spasms.


They spent a little while lying limp-muscled on the bunk, damp and satiated. Eventually Chewbacca reached up and ran a delicate claw down Jack's arm, and Jack shivered.

"Do you really do this a lot?" Chewbacca asked after a while.

"Do what?" Jack asked. "Pick people up in bars? Fairly often, yeah."

"No," said Chewbacca. "Have sex with aliens."

"Oh. Well, whenever I see a hot alien, I give it a shot," said Jack, and grinned. "Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

"So it's not just the fur, then," said Chewbacca.

Jack stretched, rubbing up against the fur in question. "The fur is amazing. But other things are great, too. There's that slick amphibian thing, that can be really mind-blowing, and you know, the glowing light creatures are a lot better at this than you'd think they'd be--some of them can sort of envelop you in their essence, and, well, you have to try that to really understand it. And then there's tentacles." Jack smiled reminiscently. "I love tentacles. Love 'em. They can do the most amazing things."

"Huh," said Chewbacca, and thought about someone who would just go around and do things like that, that easily. That comfortably.

"Sex is great," said Jack, his voice getting a little blurry. "Just, you know, making a connection with someone. Making each other feel good. I never saw why anyone wouldn't want to..." his voice drifted off.

Chewbacca fell asleep still thinking about it.

He woke up to Han pounding on his door--"Chewie! Wake up, we have work to do, I can't believe I'm up and you're still sleeping--"

"Out in a second!" he called back, and looked down to see Jack smiling.

"No rest for the wicked, I see," he said.

"Doesn't look like it," said Chewbacca. "And you probably need to go find your friends."

"Yeah," said Jack. "If we're lucky, we can get out of here before someone mentions the crushing, dictatorial, horribly xenophobic government to the Doctor--don't look at me like that, I can infer with the best of them. Where are my pants?"

Jack got himself and his clothes sorted out, and wandered out into the crew common area in his boots and pants, pulling his shirt on. Han was tapping his foot impatiently, but he stopped short when he saw Jack.

"Hi," said Jack cheerfully. "Nice ship you've got here. Nice crewmate, too."

"Uh," said Han.

Jack turned back to Chewbacca. "I had a great time," he said.

"Yeah," said Chewbacca, carefully not looking at Han. "Me too."

"Great," said Jack, and leaned up and kissed him on the mouth. "See you around."

"See you," said Chewbacca, and watched as Jack sauntered toward the exit.

"Uh," said Han again.

"Shut up," said Chewbacca.