Work Text:
Euijoo steps into the classroom, sees Nicholas Wang entering from the opposite side, turns on his heel, and exits the room.
He bumps into one of his new classmates on the way out, muttering an apology, and lingers in the hallway. Euijoo takes out his phone and searches for the class's syllabus, scrolls down, and reads a statement in bold: Lecture attendance is not mandatory, but highly recommended.
Euijoo lets out a shout of hushed excitement, earning looks from passersby. He tucks his phone back in his pocket and walks away, giddy, until he stops in his tracks when guilt comes knocking at his door. He looks back at the room, biting his lips. It's the first day. He groans and returns to the classroom's entrance, hiding himself among a group of friends as they enter the room, and snatches a spot in the far back, sighing in relief.
When Euijoo tries to spare a glance at Nicholas, the other is already staring at him, his gaze burning straight through him, animosity written all over his face, and even a tinge of genuine confusion. Euijoo tries desperately to look away from Nicholas, but his gaze anchors him down, depriving him of any oxygen. His heart begins to pound viciously against his ribcage.
The stare-off ends when the professor speaks, marking the beginning of the lecture, and most likely, the beginning of the end for Euijoo. Euijoo shrinks in his chair and silently begs himself to focus on the lecture, even if it takes the strength of a thousand suns for him not to perceive the ghost of the past that's only a few feet from him.
No way.
"No fucking way," Nicholas mumbles to himself.
Maki shoots him a look, then follows his gaze, where it lands on Euijoo practically diving into his seat. Maki turns back to look at Nicholas. "You know him?" he asks, bending down to take out his laptop, then placing it on his desk.
"No," Nicholas responds instantly and faces the front of the room, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "Just thought he was someone from my high school."
That can't be him.
Something stirs in Nicholas, something frustratingly familiar—in the back of his mind, in his stomach, everywhere—it struggles to reach the surface, on the verge of being drowned. Nicholas takes a deep breath, allowing it to take a lungful of air. It coughs, nicking his insides.
Whatever it is, Nicholas hopes it will go away soon.
Euijoo has never had a problem with paying attention in class, and most lectures felt like a blur. But this lecture. This lecture went by so slowly, it was unbearable. It was like crawling through mud, so slow it was like torture. Euijoo stares at his laptop screen, barren of any substantial notes and only full of keyboard spams. He hasn't listened to or digested anything the professor has said, and it's killing him. He wants to pay attention, to learn, to be attentive, but he can't. And, it sickens him even more to know the reason why he's so out of it. Euijoo sighs and leans down, resting his head on his laptop. It's uncomfortable, but Euijoo doesn't believe he deserves any comfort at the moment.
Euijoo glances over at Nicholas again. He's leaning back in his chair, arms crossed, and focused on the professor. Euijoo guesses he's out of the loop, too, considering his desk is empty, and he has no bag with him. He switches his attention to his friend. Same type of blonde as Nicholas, but shorter, same type of clothes, but looks taller and more buff. And probably more well-off than either of them, with how focused he is and how fast he's typing on his laptop.
Euijoo straightens himself and leans back against his chair, glancing at the time in the corner of his laptop. Miraculously, Euijoo managed to space out for forty minutes and now only has to wait for eight more minutes to leave. The screen goes black.
"—So, by next Monday, you should be assigned to groups and begin working on your projects—"
Euijoo's ears perk up. Not a group project.
"—We'll probably start presenting them in the week before finals week. Okay, so that's it for today. Have a good day, everyone."
The quiet room erupts with chatter, and students start to leave the room. A sense of dread and anxiety begins to ball up in Euijoo's gut. Euijoo hasn't had the best experiences with group projects because, somehow, he always ends up doing most of the work.
Euijoo closes his laptop and looks toward Nicholas's direction, their eyes meeting when Nicholas also looks toward him. Nicholas's expression is sharp, and his eyes are fierce, all softening when his friend starts talking to him. He watches the two of them leave.
Anyone but him.
It's Sunday. And on Sundays, Nicholas doesn't really do anything.
Nicholas scrolls endlessly on his phone on his bed, snacking on chips. He gets engrossed, gets humored, gets sad, gets bored with the videos that pop up. Nicholas's phone pings, and he groans at the message from Maki. He hops off the bed and sits at his desk, opening his laptop and sifting through his emails, clicking on the email titled "Group Assignment."
Group 8:
Asakura, Jo
Byu—
Nicholas slams his laptop shut and fights the urge to throw it out the window. Nicholas might be the luckiest guy around here because, out of the entire class, he gets paired with none other than Byun Euijoo. Nicholas can't help but laugh because it truly is hilarious how the universe loves to get under Nicholas's skin. His phone pings again and narrows his eyes at how enthusiastic Maki is about being in a group with Asakura Jo and Byun Euijoo. He messages Nicholas, saying that he's heard a lot of good things about both of them, about how they're "exemplary" students. Nicholas scoffs.
He can't say much for the other guy, but Byun Euijoo was anything but exemplary. And Nicholas knows that to be a fact. His phone pings once again, but this time, it's an email from Maki asking for their numbers and their availability. Nicholas sighs and taps his phone against his forehead before tossing it onto the bed, following it soon after, and jumping, stuffing his face into the mattress.
Of course, it had to be him. Of course.
"We should split up into pairs," Maki suggests.
Nicholas feels like he just got stabbed in the back.
After hundreds of back-and-forth messages, they decided on Thursdays at three p.m. for their weekly group meetings; their class schedules clashed a lot, and none of them were willing to give up their weekends. Nicholas is the only one who lives off campus and has only one class on Thursdays, while the other three are residents and are free the entire day. So, Thursdays, it was.
And now, they're sitting in a study room at the library, having their first meeting.
"I think that's a good idea," Jo agrees. "Could I do the visual aid?"
"Great!" Maki exclaims, grinning. "Do you mind if I partner up with you?"
Jo grins back at him and gives a small nod.
"So, Nicholas and Euijoo, you guys will do the report?" Maki questions.
Nicholas locks eyes with Euijoo, who immediately looks away and smiles at Maki. "Sounds like a plan to me," Euijoo responds, all positive. Nicholas rolls his eyes.
"Sure," Nicholas says, not bothering to hide his annoyance. Maki side-eyes him, and Nicholas shrugs.
"Oh…kay," Maki says, put off, and gets up. "I'm gonna get going 'cause I don't think there's much else to discuss about. See you guys around."
"It was nice meeting you two," Jo says, standing. The soft, small smile he has involuntarily makes Nicholas return a smile, and he waves goodbye to Jo when he leaves.
The remaining two delve into an uncomfortable silence, so quiet that one could hear a pin drop. The familiar stirring disturbs Nicholas again. It bubbles up right below the surface of his skin, and Nicholas is sure that in due time, it'll boil over, breaking through and causing havoc. But, for now, Nicholas forces it back down.
He shifts in his chair, about to get up, when Euijoo asks, "How have you been?"
Nicholas scoffs. It takes everything in him not to hurl a bunch of curses at Euijoo. "Never been better," he responds brightly.
"That's good," Euijoo says. Nicholas can't tell if Euijoo's being genuine or not. "How's your family?"
"How's yours?" Nicholas fires back, jaw clenched.
"Hasn't changed much," Euijoo replies, tone steady and honest. "I hope your family's doing okay."
There's the stirring again, and it's even more intense. It makes Nicholas sick. "Go fuck yourself," Nicholas spits, bitterness dripping from his voice, and he leaves the room.
Euijoo knew this would happen the moment he read the email.
It's been three weeks, and Nicholas hasn't been to class or met up with Euijoo, yet Nicholas still has the decency to participate in the group meetings, where he pretends that everything is fine. And, Euijoo has the decency to cover for Nicholas, pretending that they're working so well together when in reality, it's just Euijoo doing all the work.
Euijoo could bring it up to Maki and Jo, but he doesn't want to cause any more tension between him and Nicholas, and spread it to the other two. Euijoo could also contact Nicholas, but Nicholas would just leave him on delivered. So, there's not much of a solution.
Nicholas wasn't always like this. He wasn't prone to giving up. He had fire in him that blazed, roaring, you couldn't keep your eyes off of him. Euijoo knows why Nicholas is like this, but he tells himself that it couldn't be the only reason for this change.
Euijoo sits in the library, yawning as he swipes his fingers on the touchpad, skimming the pages of a research article. He jumps when a bag is tossed onto the table, and he meets eyes with Nicholas, who takes a seat in front of him.
"Look who finally decided to join," Euijoo snarks.
"Shut up," Nicholas retorts, opening up his laptop.
"Do you even know what we're researching?"
Nicholas looks him dead in the eyes. "Yes."
"You've been M.I.A for three weeks, so I was just wondering."
Nicholas sneers at him, then focuses back on his laptop. "Let's just get this done quickly," Nicholas says.
Euijoo stops himself from saying another snide remark and returns to reading the article.
They work in silence, taking glances at one another a few times, but no words are exchanged between the two of them. Euijoo scrolls down the document, observing the work they've done so far, about five pages. It's not much between two people, but it is enough for one person.
The sun begins to set, casting darkness in the library. Euijoo yawns, rubbing his eyes, leans back, and stretches. He checks the time, and it's almost six o'clock. His eyes are starting to droop, but Euijoo keeps going. It's okay for a while until Nicholas starts getting restless. Euijoo's concentration dissolves under the onslaught of Nicholas chattering away on his phone and the music blasting through his headphones. Euijoo sighs, wiggling in his seat as if to reset himself, and perseveres.
Euijoo considers himself to have the patience of a saint. Nicholas eventually quits the call and lowers the volume, focusing back on the work. Euijoo enjoys the momentary silence until an irritating rhythm of plastic clicks is drilling into his skull. Nicholas idly taps his pen against the table and knocks his feet against the leg of it, a thunderous thump. Euijoo could only glare.
Euijoo checks the time. He feels his right eye twitch.
Euijoo stands up, his chair scraping against the floor, screeching. A few heads snap towards him, but Euijoo pays them no mind.
"Are we done?" Nicholas asks, an eager grin tugging at his lips.
"I am," Euijoo responds, packing his stuff up. "You can keep working, though, since you've been gone for three weeks. Got loads to catch up on."
Nicholas rolls his eyes, shuts his laptop, and starts to pack up, too. "Don't follow me," Nicholas comments, walking ahead of Euijoo.
Euijoo gives him a sardonic grin and a thumbs up, lagging behind Nicholas.
Euijoo's just thankful that they got some work done today.
There's nothing to be thankful for.
Another week, another missing Nicholas, and Euijoo suddenly has a fever. Euijoo hates being sick. It deters him from doing anything because it chains him to his bed. And, while he's dying in bed, he's hot, sweating, coughing up a storm with aches and chills all over. He fucking hates it.
Euijoo rolls over in his bed and grabs his phone, the screen blinding his eyes.
He squints at what Yuma messaged him: I'm coming back super late…sorry! '
Euijoo groans loudly, almost screaming out of frustration. He finds Nicholas in his contact list and tries to call him. No response, of course, and Euijoo doesn't bother with leaving a voicemail. He types out a message, practically begging Nicholas to do some work on the project. Euijoo puts his phone back on the stand and stares at the ceiling, feeling slightly dizzy. He huffs a breath.
He forces himself off the bed and starts to get dressed.
He's craving some soup.
It's not soup, but still, Euijoo feels an overwhelming sense of comfort when the bowl of dakjuk is presented before him. He bows his head to the waitress, saying thank you, before inhaling the savory aroma of the porridge. The steam warms him, tickling and caressing him, before getting lost in the surrounding air. Euijoo's mouth salivates looking at the dish.
The perfect soft-boiled egg splayed on top; its yolk running down and branching. The garnish of fragrant green onions. The mildly nutty aroma from the sesame seeds sprinkled in. The pops of brown mushrooms and vibrant carrots. The shreds of steaming chicken. And of course, the sweet and delicious aroma of rice.
Euijoo spoons half of the egg and porridge, blowing on it before bringing the spoon to his mouth. It's hot but not scalding, and he swallows it down, soothing his sore throat and warming him inside. He drags his spoon around the bowl and fills his spoon up again, picking up every ingredient, and eats.
His body still aches, but despite it all, Euijoo hasn't felt this much comfort in a while. He devours the dakjuk, scraping the bowl clean, and downs his glass of water. He sighs in satisfaction, his stomach full but not bursting. He thanks the workers there again, leaving the establishment with a weight lifted off his shoulders.
An anvil falls on him when he spots Nicholas right outside the building. Euijoo marches toward him. Nicholas freezes when he comes into the light.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Euijoo growls.
Nicholas's eyes widen, and he almost gasps at the other's appearance. "Jesus, you look awful," Nicholas says, matter-of-fact, scanning Euijoo up and down.
Euijoo looks down at himself, noticing how the sleeves of his hoodie and sweatpants hang loosely around him; he even detects a big, dark stain near his knee. Euijoo reluctantly agrees with Nicholas in his head. Euijoo can't even imagine what his face looks like right now.
Euijoo inhales deeply, closing his eyes. "Did you not read my text?" Euijoo raises his eyebrows in expectation.
Nicholas shakes his head.
Euijoo chuckles. "I told you to work on the project. But, here you are, fucking shopping!" Euijoo berates, gesturing wildly at the plastic bag Nicholas is holding.
"Okay, but what are you doing?"
The dakjuk sits heavy in his stomach, churning, and bubbling ferociously. "I have a fucking fever. And I have been working on it, unlike you."
"You can work with a fever. And, aren't you supposed to be in bed, not outside?" Nicholas smirks. His smirk widens before saying, "It's just a group project, Euijoo. You don't have to lose sleep over it."
"Group? I've been working on the project by myself for the past five weeks, covering up for you in front of Maki and Jo, too, and you've barely done anything!" Euijoo yells, then lowers his voice when he sees people staring. He feels a muscle in his jaw tighten. "Why are you like this?"
Nicholas tilts his head. "Like what?"
"Like you don't care about anything in the world! Why can't you just put in effort for once in your life?"
Nicholas laughs. "Oh, don't act so high and mighty, now, Euijoo."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You know what I mean," Nicholas drones. "Just because you get good grades and abide by the rules doesn't make you any better than me."
"I never said I was better than you."
"Oh, I know, but you think it all the time, don't you?" Nicholas's eyes gleam with amusement and challenge, his smirk unfaltering.
Euijoo clenches his fists, fighting off the urge to wipe that smirk off Nicholas's face. "If you don't care at all, just drop out already," he seethes, bashing Nicholas's shoulder with his as he pushes past him. He can feel Nicholas's eyes burning a hole in his back as he walks away.
FROM: Byun Euijoo
To: Hirota Maki, Asakura Jo
Can we meet up right now?
[ Read 9:07 am ]
Hirota Maki: Yeah
[ Delivered 9:08 am]
Asakura Jo: 👍
[ Delivered 9:14 am]
Euijoo sips on his tea, legs bouncing, as he waits for Maki and Jo to come in. Condensation has built up on the glasses of the drinks Euijoo bought for them, water pooling beneath them. Euijoo grabs a napkin and soaks up the water, crumpling the napkin in his hands. Euijoo observes the drinks, debating whether to reorder them or not. He moves to stand up when he sees Maki and Jo approaching the café, and he waves them over. Both of them smile at him as they near his table.
"Thanks for meeting up with me," Euijoo says and sits down, pushing the drinks to them. "Sorry, I didn't know you guys were going to take a while, so they got watered down."
"Oh, wow, thanks, Juju!" Maki exclaims and takes a hearty gulp of the drink, letting out a satisfied 'ah.'
"Thank you, Euijoo," Jo says calmly, takes a sip of the drink, and smiles softly after.
Euijoo smiles, pleased that they like his drinks of choice. It's strange but also nice to be outside and hang out with people. He would love to sit and talk, but Euijoo has no time to waste.
"Is it too late to switch partners?" Euijoo asks, disturbing the peace.
Maki chokes on his drink. Jo peers up from his straw.
They look at each other, then at him, staring as if he had said something offensive. Euijoo shifts in the chair, uncomfortable, and waits for an answer from either of them.
Maki exhales and grins at him, remorse written all over his face. "I'm afraid so," Maki tells him, gently as if he raised his voice any louder, Euijoo will break. He looks over at Jo, who is equally or even more remorseful, and has an awkward smile on his face, nodding slowly.
Euijoo slumps in his chair.
"Is everything okay?" Jo asks timidly.
Euijoo musters up a smile. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
Jo's smile vanishes, and he looks at Maki again, eyes apprehensive and aware of something.
Euijoo notices, sitting up a little, but doesn't question them—he's worn out and still suffering from the consequences of his fever. "It's just…Nicholas hasn't been coming to our meetings, and I do all the work," he admits.
Maki sighs in frustration, dragging a hand down his face. "I'll talk to him."
He tips his head toward the sky, basking in the sunlight even though he's already burning from the inside. The sun glares at him, and Euijoo squeezes his eyes shut, wincing in pain. He opens his eyes again, outlining certain shapes of the clouds, and thinks.
Thoughts are running and spinning, but none of them are discernible. It hurts to think right now. All Euijoo is thinking about is when this stupid fever will pass. Another thought strikes him—Nicholas. He makes a tsk sound and closes his eyes. He only needs to make it until the end of December, and then Nicholas will be a fleeting memory of the past.
He thinks about the things Nicholas said and what he said to Nicholas. It irks him, but something else pulls at Euijoo's chest. He takes another look at the sun.
Euijoo sometimes wishes Nicholas had walked past him. They'd be strangers to one another, and then maybe he and Nicholas wouldn't have had to suffer so much because of each other.
Euijoo just has to make it until the end of December.
As he said before, the universe loves to get under Nicholas's skin.
Because Byun Euijoo, who doesn't like to use too much energy and practically shelters himself in the comfort of his room, is at a bar on a Thursday night.
He sits at the bar counter, watching Euijoo lean in to murmur something in the girl's ear across the room. The girl laughs, touching his arm, all while twirling her hair. Her smile is playful and coy, and so wide that it hurts Nicholas's cheeks. Their chests practically touch when the girl leans in close to say something in return, and Euijoo throws his head back in laughter. The girl is giggling again, touching Euijoo again. Nicholas can't deny that the girl is pretty.
Nicholas feels a muscle in his jaw tense and downs his shot.
In the morning, Maki barged into his apartment and scolded Nicholas. Maki talked in circles, and the only thing Nicholas got from it was that Euijoo was a little snitch. But, to save himself from another lecture from Maki (of all people), he went to meet with Euijoo. At the library, there was a charged silence. Euijoo didn't spare him any acknowledgement, and Nicholas was glad. He was not in the mood to take any dirty glances or snide remarks from Euijoo. Surprisingly, the two got a lot of work done. The only time Euijoo talked was to say they'd probably be done by next week. Nicholas attributed his productivity to his suppressed emotions.
But Nicholas can't enjoy himself in the presence of Byun Euijoo. And it's hard not to ignore him because he's the tallest person at the bar. Everywhere Nicholas looks, he catches a glimpse of those big, round eyes. Nicholas gulps down another shot, wincing. Something twists in his gut. How annoying.
He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns, taken aback to see the same girl Euijoo was with, standing next to a grinning Fuma. Nicholas greets Fuma with a clap on his back and awkwardly shakes hands with the girl. Fuma makes a gesture and proceeds to squeeze through the crowd, Nicholas and the girl following him to the back of the bar.
Fuma opens the back door, letting them slide by, and closes it behind them. They're greeted with the cold, their breaths forming grey clouds that dissipate into the air. The girl takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers it to the other two. Nicholas takes one while Fuma refuses. The girl ignites her lighter, lighting Nicholas's first, and then hers. They both take a puff of the cigarette, exhaling slowly and coughing.
"So, what is it that you want?" Nicholas asks.
Fuma has his hands shoved into his pockets as he leans against the brick wall. "Nothing," Fuma says. "I just wanted to get some fresh air." The girl giggles.
"You're getting worse at lying," Nicholas comments dryly and takes another drag from the cigarette.
A chuckle bubbles past Fuma's lips, and he pushes himself off the wall. He digs in his pocket, takes out an envelope, and places it in Nicholas's hand, patting it firmly. "Thanks for what you did," Fuma says, sincerely. Then, he ruffles Nicholas's hair, laughing heartily and dodging Nicholas's swats.
A gust of wind blows the envelope flap open, revealing cash. "No problem," Nicholas responds, slightly irritated, and burrows it in his jacket pocket. He tilts his head up at the girl. "What's your deal?"
The girl cocks her head toward Fuma.
"A part of my favor was hers," Fuma confesses.
"Thanks," the girl adds.
"Oh," Nicholas says.
The back door's fans whir in their awkward silence, and it opens ajar. A head peaks out, and Fuma's brows shoot up, then the head turns toward Nicholas's direction.
He drops his cigarette. It's Byun fucking Euijoo. A blaze ignites in Nicholas's eyes.
"Well, we'd better get going. Come on, Jiwoo," Fuma chirps, pushing past Euijoo to rush back into the bar, Jiwoo close behind. Nicholas reaches to open the door wider when Euijoo tackles him, and he hears a fading cackle from the bar. The door shuts behind them.
Nicholas manages to catch Euijoo, stumbling and crashes into the opposite wall on his back with an oomph, getting the wind knocked out of him. He yelps in pain when Euijoo frantically pushes himself off Nicholas.
"What the hell," Nicholas wheezes and doubles over.
"T-that guy pushed me!" Euijoo blurts.
Nicholas coughs up a mangled laugh. He stands upright while holding his back, groaning. "What were you even doing?"
"I got curious when you guys didn't return after a while," Euijoo simply says. Nicholas nods in acknowledgement. Euijoo continues, "So, this is what you do when you don't come to our meetings."
Nicholas scowls, confused. Euijoo tosses the envelope at him, and Nicholas's heart drops to his ass. He shoves it into his pocket again, zipping it up. Nicholas gotta hand it to him—how Euijoo manages to be the only person to get under his skin so easily. Like a parasite—living off of his misery.
"This is what you decide to do with your life nowadays?" Euijoo lilts with a tone of condescension.
"What I do with my life is none of your business," he retorts.
"I'm just worried about you," Euijoo says with a cold and calculating smile that reaches his eyes.
"Oh, so now, you're worried about me? Now, you care what I do with my life." Nicholas lets out a sharp laugh. "Where was this energy back then?"
Euijoo's cheek bulges as he tongues it, irritation and realization flickering across his face. Euijoo stares at him, eyes hardened. "When will you ever let it go?"
Nicholas scoffs."Why does it bother you so much when I talk about it?"
"Why do you act like you're the only victim? It's annoying, you know," Euijoo counters, his voice coming out calm. "That you don't understand how much I suffered too."
Euijoo's voice isn't gentle. It's sharp and strong, hitting Nicholas like a gut punch.
"Then, why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I was scared, Nicholas! I was scared to lose you! To lose everything!" Euijoo screams, his calm demeanor crumbling. "You think it was easy to see my father fucking your mother? Think it was easy to keep their affair a secret from you, my mother, from fucking everyone?" Euijoo takes a deep breath before saying, "You would have never believed me anyways. So, I don't know what you think I should've done."
"We were friends, Euijoo," Nicholas says, clipped and quiet. He exhales heavily through his nose, his nostrils flaring. "You should've told me."
Euijoo presses his lips together, and Nicholas gives him a pointed look, challenging him to say something. Instead, Euijoo grunts and storms off, leaving something heavy unsaid.
Nicholas's heart hammers against his rib cage. Euijoo's back, his fading footsteps, his lack of response, and his ability to leave Nicholas in a mess of emotions—all of it evokes a memory Nicholas remembers all too well.
"You knew, Euijoo."
Euijoo stares blankly at him. "I did," he replies plainly.
Nicholas fights the urge to chuck the basketball straight into his face. "You knew this whole time, pretending everything was fine. And didn't even bother to tell me?"
"Your mom begged me not to say anything to you," Euijoo confesses.
Nicholas doesn't react much to that. "That doesn't even matter."
Euijoo averts his eyes.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me?"
Euijoo stays silent and stiff. Rage curls into Nicholas's fists. He wants to get closer to Euijoo, force him to look him in the eyes, but his feet stay glued to the ground. Nicholas can only hope that Euijoo will be honest this time.
"Answer me."
"Your mother begged me," Euijoo repeats steadily.
Nicholas shakes his head. "That can't be the only reason," he says meekly, voice threatening to break. He sniffles, feeling his heart split apart and collapse within him. "Euijoo."
"That's the only reason," Euijoo states.
Nicholas looks at Euijoo one last time, eyeing a glint in the other's eyes. Everything and everyone he thought he knew incinerates before him. His head falls, then his body goes slack. "Right," Nicholas says, defeated, and sits on the bench.
Nicholas's vision begins to blur, and his cheeks start to sting. He wants to scream at Euijoo until his voice breaks. But the tightness in his throat chokes him—being in the presence of someone whom he trusted and now appears as a stranger suffocates him. It's all too much.
Nicholas doesn't bother to turn his head when he hears Euijoo's shoes squeak against the rubber floor, his footsteps gradually fading away.
FROM: NICO
To: MAKI
Where are you
Hello
[ Delivered 1:27 pm ]
HELLOOO
[ Delivered 1:48 pm ]
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY
ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE NOW
[ Delivered 2:02 pm ]
Nicholas practically runs to Maki and Jo when he finally spots them at the library. He crashes into the table, startling the two of them. "We have to switch partners," he pants.
Maki and Jo stare at each other before Maki gives him an incredulous look. "We literally have less than 3 weeks left until our presentation."
"I'll do anything," Nicholas begs. Maki makes a face, quirking his eyebrow. Nicholas turns to Jo.
"Maki's right," Jo says quietly, hiding his expression.
"And even if we switch, are you even going to do any work?" Maki snaps.
Nicholas snorts, remembering how Maki confronted him.
"Nico," Maki says firmly. "This presentation is worth thirty-fucking-five percent of our grade, and I'm not about to receive a zero on it because you two didn't know how to get your shit together! So, for my sanity, just hold out for a couple more weeks, and then you won't have to see Euijoo ever again."
He plops into the chair, groaning. Nicholas runs a hand through his hair, a heat creeping up his neck, wrapping around it like a scarf, and lets out an exasperated sigh, basically admitting defeat.
Jo starts, "What happened between—" Maki elbows Jo, and Jo swallows his words.
Nicholas stares at Maki's half-eaten burrito, and he hears the faint voice of Euijoo—how it was the loudest Nicholas had ever heard it, how it held so much animosity and frustration. It struck like lightning—striking perfectly at the center of his heart, electricity coursing through his veins, and burned every part of his body from the inside out. Nicholas clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth so hard that he could chip a tooth.
He heaves a deep sigh and feigns a smile at Jo. "Creative differences," he tells Jo, ending with a small chuckle.
Jo's eyes stay on Nicholas for longer than he likes before Jo nods and smiles back, returning to work on his laptop. Maki still stares at him, his entire body leaning forward and his eyes expectant. Nicholas forces a small grin and shakes his head. Maki leans back in his chair, slumping with a little pout.
The half-eaten burrito stares back at him—the splash of green and violet and the sprinkled black beans among the brown and white rice spilled on the wrapping. Open. Exposed. His eyes flicker back up to Maki, sighing when he finds Maki's eyes still on him, eyes knowing, and a thin smile on his face that's probably meant to be comforting, withholding a sea of words that'll likely get on Nicholas's nerves, sticking to him like fiberglass.
Nicholas can't help but feel like the half-eaten burrito.
Euijoo doesn't expect anything anymore.
Euijoo sits alone in the library, once again. He doesn't even know why he had expectations in the first place, especially after their argument. It struck a chord in Nicholas, and even in him, so Euijoo doesn't blame him for not showing up. But, at the same time, Euijoo hoped that he would—hoped that Euijoo's words reached him, and stuck to him like a needle, bothering him like a pebble in the shoe, impossible to ignore.
But Nicholas is stubborn; he always has been.
Euijoo closes out a tab when he finishes reading it, citing it in the document, which is now barely seven pages. Euijoo shakes his head in disappointment as he skims over the document. It's not his best work, nor is he working as fast as he wishes, but at this point, Euijoo can't find the reason to care. He can handle one bad grade.
Euijoo's phone vibrates on the table. He ignores it and reaches for his water bottle instead. He tilts the water bottle, lips touching the mouth when it vibrates again, buzzing like an annoying mosquito. He sets his bottle down and turns his phone over, furrowing his brows when he sees Nicholas's name appear on the screen. He brings the phone to his ear.
"Can you help me?" Nicholas's voice is strained, barely above a whisper.
Euijoo stays silent, hesitant.
"Please, Euijoo."
Euijoo feels the familiar tug at his chest; it's tighter. "Where are you?"
Euijoo didn't expect to see a bloodied Nicholas waiting for him outside a random corner store.
Euijoo doesn't believe at first, thinking he's hallucinating, that he's still sick with a fever, but his pace quickens when he realizes what's in front of him is actually real and happening. He rushes to Nicholas's side, panicking at the sight before him.
"What the hell happened?" Euijoo questions, crouching down to inspect his face. When he gets close, Nicholas is mumbling something under his breath. He slings Nicholas's arm over his shoulder and pulls him up, eyes widening at how heavy Nicholas actually is. He takes another look at Nicholas, biting down on his lip. It could've been a lot worse.
They started walking toward the train station because Euijoo didn't expect Nicholas to be beaten up. And, Euijoo didn't have a car. Euijoo could barely keep Nicholas up, who struggles to keep himself up. There's a part of Euijoo that's screaming at him, scolding him for not going to the gym as often as he needed to. And another part of him, very deep down, is whispering to him to drop Nicholas. Euijoo stops himself from thinking and continues to heave Nicholas across the city. As expected, it takes a while to reach the train station, and Euijoo has to stop himself from immediately collapsing when they do.
They stand behind the line. And, Euijoo wishes nothing more than the ground beneath him to open up and swallow both of them. Life loves to play with you whenever you're in strange situations. Time is passing by so slowly, it's as if the hand of the clock is frozen, straining to move a tick. Euijoo thinks about walking all the way back to his dorm to avoid the hundreds of eyes on them and the whispers. Euijoo keeps both his and Nicholas's head down. Euijoo finally hears the familiar jingle and a female voice announcing the train's arrival. Euijoo has never felt happier; he could jump in joy. The doors open, and Euijoo quickly finds themselves a seat, which is easy since no one is eager to sit next to them.
Euijoo breathes out a heavy sigh of relief, and relaxes in his seat. Nicholas has his eyes closed now, his body swaying, before his head falls on Euijoo's shoulder. Euijoo almost shoulders him off on instinct. Euijoo sighs, shifting his body into a more comfortable position. His eyes pass over the other passengers—most of them are sleeping or on their phones, while a few of them stare. He meets eyes with the old lady in front of him, shrinking under her sharp, judgmental look, and offers her a small, awkward smile. It vanishes when the old lady curls her lip in disgust and looks away.
Euijoo wishes he had some power to accelerate the train or teleport home to save himself, but unfortunately, the two of them sit there—Nicholas all bloody and beaten up, and Euijoo sweating and exhausted—sticking out like a sore thumb.
Euijoo thanks whoever invented elevators because he could not fathom the thought of hauling Nicholas up four flights of stairs.
Euijoo drops Nicholas on his bed and collapses into a puddle on the floor. He lies on his back, massaging his arms and shoulders that ache and burn, and catching his breath. His breathing slows down, sleep catching up to him, and his eyes threaten to close. Euijoo jolts himself awake and finds Nicholas sitting up, dazed and confused.
Nicholas gawks at him. "Euijoo?"
Euijoo springs to his feet and reaches for Nicholas. Nicholas evades him.
"Where am I?"
"My room."
"Why?"
"Um, you called me to pick you up."
Nicholas stares at him as if he's lying. "Oh," he only breathes out.
Euijoo sighs and goes to his bathroom to retrieve his first aid kit and a towel. He grabs a stool, sets it in front of Nicholas, and sits. Euijoo reaches for Nicholas's arm, wet towel in hand, when Nicholas evades him again. Euijoo exhales through his nose, glares at Nicholas, and grabs Nicholas's arm. Nicholas flinches when Euijoo starts dabbing, the towel removing the dried-up blood and turning red. Euijoo opens up the kit and rips open a packet, pulling out a wipe and sliding it over the few cuts and scrapes on Nicholas's arms. Nicholas yelps, jerking his arm back.
"Stop moving around," Euijoo orders, annoyed.
Nicholas grunts but shuts himself up and continues to suffer in silence. Euijoo finishes his arms, applying ointment and wrapping them in gauze because he didn't have enough bandages. Euijoo goes to his bathroom again and comes out with another wet towel. He sits, leans in close, and starts cleaning Nicholas's face.
Nicholas avoids staring at Euijoo but instead studies Euijoo's room. It's clean and tidy. But there aren't many decorations. There's only one poster up of a film that Nicholas doesn't recognize. There's a shelf stocked with books and notebooks, with two figurines and some other personal items placed about. There's a small, silver lamp on his desk and a mug of pens and pencils. The wall in front of the desk is plastered with sticky notes and papers.
Nicholas looks at Euijoo, frowning in concentration. “I never meant to…” Nicholas doesn't finish his sentence.
Euijoo offers only a hum in response, his eyes meeting Nicholas's briefly. He continues to tend to Nicholas’s wounds. After what feels like hours, Euijoo stands up from the stool and begins to clean up. Nicholas watches as Euijoo moves around his room efficiently like he's gliding on ice. Euijoo leaves the room, comes back with a plastic bag, and stuffs it with the trash scattered around them. He ties it and tosses it near the corner of his door.
Nicholas's eyes follow Euijoo’s back when he enters the bathroom with the kit. There's rustling of plastic packaging as he moves his hands around, organizing the kit. Creaks and thuds as Euijoo opens and closes cabinets. Euijoo turns on the faucet, the running water hissing in the cold silence.
Nicholas looks away, to nowhere particular, a tightness flooding into his throat. He clears his throat, still inhaling shakily before saying, “I'm sorry. I don't know why I called you."
Nicholas can see Euijoo's expression in the mirror. For the first time, Nicholas is unable to read it. Nicholas is being honest; he didn't know why he called Euijoo. Maybe he was too out of it to think straight and mindlessly chose at random. He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to dwell on it.
Euijoo turns off the water.
"It's been a long day, we should get some rest," Euijoo says, leaving the bathroom. "You can take my bed, I'll take the floor."
"But—"
"Just take the bed, Nicholas," Euijoo says wearily. "I'll find some clothes you can wear."
Nicholas nods, another protest dying on the tip of his tongue.
Sleep eludes Nicholas.
He's moving from side to side, thrashing the blanket, and flipping the pillow. His body throbs and burns everywhere like being engulfed by flames. Pain claws at him, further inflicting injuries. He stares at the ceiling, going crazy because every time he thinks he's about to drift into sleep, his eyes drooping, they shoot open, and he's wide awake again. Exhaustion weighs heavily on him, begging him to rest, but his mind won't shut off. It's unbearable.
Nicholas's stomach rumbles. He hasn't eaten at all today. Nicholas thinks about Euijoo's fridge, chewing on his bottom lip as if it's jerky. His stomach growls again, and Nicholas shakes away the thought of stealing from Euijoo's fridge, leaving his body to consume itself. He licks his lips and swallows a metallic taste. Nicholas inhales and exhales deeply.
Nicholas turns over, eyes gluing onto the back of Euijoo. He watches Euijoo sleep. Not creepy at all. The blanket dips at his waist, gently rising and falling at his hips. Nicholas feels the familiar stirring; it doesn't make him sick, but an uneasiness takes over him. It settles in his stomach, vibrating mildly.
Nicholas closes his eyes, listening to the faint breathing and snoring of Euijoo.
When Nicholas awakes, Euijoo's already gone. He sees a plastic bag and a note on the dining table when he leaves Euijoo's room.
Make sure you eat well and take proper care of your wounds. And take off the sheets if you can. Thanks. See you Thursday.
Nicholas pockets the note. His fingers are on the knot of the bag when he hears the door open, and he jerks his hands back. The door closes with a click, and keys clatter on the countertop. Nicholas looks over and freezes when he realizes the person isn't Euijoo. Oh no.
"Who the hell are you?" The roommate exclaims.
A new feeling tugs somewhere deep in Euijoo's bones, unsettling him, when he does see Nicholas the next Thursday. The bruise around his eye is now greenish-yellow, and most of the cuts have scarred, leaving faint dark marks on his face. Still, Nicholas's face looks better than last week, and he's alive and kicking. Nicholas gives a small smile before settling down in the chair.
Like always, they work in silence, punctuated by the clacking of their keyboards and scratching of Euijoo's pen on his flashcards. It's unnatural how easy this silence is, how free it feels. It unsettles Euijoo even more.
The week of presentations is right around the corner, and the anxiety is killing Euijoo. Ever since last week, life hasn't given Euijoo a break, and he hasn't had the time to work on the project or study for any of his finals. If Euijoo tugs at his hair, he's sure a clump of it would fall out. The thought of that puts him into even more distress. But at the same time, his shoulders feel lighter, and his head has become clearer. It must be the anticipation of being holed up in his room for a week, without having to worry about anything. Euijoo wonders how Maki and Jo are doing on their part. The last time they updated was two weeks ago. It's likely a good sign, considering they were more well-off than he and Nicholas.
Euijoo blinks, startled by how dark it's become. He peeks over his laptop screen and discovers Nicholas sleeping. Reaching over, he pokes Nicholas, who stirs but doesn't move, a muffled groan slipping from between his arms. Euijoo sighs and nudges him, shaking him roughly this time. Nicholas jolts awake, whining, and wipes his drool with his sleeve.
"Sorry," Nicholas mumbles and yawns.
"It's okay, I think we're finished anyways," Euijoo replies.
Nicholas's eyes light up, and a wide grin slowly forms at his lips. Euijoo returns it with a soft smile.
Despite everything, they managed to finish.
Euijoo has never felt so sick before when he finds out they're the last group to present. Euijoo doesn't mind speaking in front of an audience, but the fact that he has to go dead last makes him nauseous. He feels the acid in his throat, the contents of his stomach threatening to expel out of him any second. His leg bounces restlessly, and he fidgets with the button of his suit as they wait for their turn. Their group is finally called up, and Euijoo silently prays to himself.
Their presentation didn't go smoothly, but it wasn't a trainwreck. Maki and Jo did great. Their visual aid garnered a lot of favorable reactions from the other students and even the professor. Nicholas also did well, maybe even better than Euijoo, which peeves him. Euijoo had made a few mistakes, stumbling on his words and blanking out, but nothing detrimental. Or so Euijoo thinks.
When they exit the classroom, Euijoo feels the weight of the world lift off his shoulder. He almost falls to his knees and cries—freedom is just one final away.
The four of them walk together after Maki tells them he has a surprise. Maki chatters away while Jo smiles, nodding diligently and occasionally giggling. Nicholas and Euijoo lag behind them, the silence between stretching something vaguely uncomfortable. Nicholas is craning his head in directions away from Euijoo, and Euijoo's eyes stay trained on his shadow. Euijoo bumps into Jo when they reach the bus stop.
They get on the bus, and all four of them sit in the back, Nicholas and Euijoo sitting at the windows.
It's been thirty minutes, and Euijoo has learned to tune out Maki's voice. He looks ruefully at Jo, who beams when they meet eyes. Euijoo smiles back, smothering a laugh at how Maki never runs out of things to say and how awfully kind Jo is. His eyes go past Jo and land on Nicholas. He's slumping against the window, mouth agape and snoring softly. Euijoo looks at the way the sunlight highlights Nicholas's sharp features, looks at the way the sunlight catches on strands of his blonde hair. He looks at how Nicholas glows, snapping out of this trance when the bus comes to a stop, hissing.
Maki and Euijoo watch as Jo struggles to carry Nicholas out of the bus. Euijoo is amazed at Nicholas's ability to fall asleep anywhere. Nicholas rouses from his sleep with a slap to the face from Maki. The three of them burst into laughter as Nicholas mumbles through his sleepy haze.
They finally arrive at the river after one last ride on the train.
"This…is the celebration?" Nicholas questions, drawing his brows together as he observes the scene before him.
"I never said it was going to be a fancy one," Maki remarks and lowers himself to sit on the blanket, gesturing to the others to follow suit. "Well, I did try to get a reservation, but all the nearby restaurants are fully booked." Maki grins as he nudges Jo, gesturing at the picnic basket. "Show them, Jojo."
Jo lifts the picnic basket lid, revealing wrapped sandwiches, onigiris, and a variety of snacks. "Ta-da~" he sings, wiggling his fingers.
Nicholas and Euijoo share a look. Then, Euijoo smiles, cheerful and bright, and a warm laugh spills out of his lips, washing over Nicholas. Maki and Jo join him, and Nicholas finds himself laughing along with them.
After demolishing everything, they lay down and gaze at the sky. It's still bright out, but a tint of orange seeps into the bright blue. Jo points out shapes to Maki, and Maki responds enthusiastically every time. Nicholas lies next to Euijoo and feels how close he is. He moves his arm, his hand brushing against Euijoo's, and lets it linger there. Euijoo doesn't move his hand. They lay there for a while, enjoying themselves.
Maki eventually gets up and starts cleaning up the area, says his goodbyes, and leaves the three of them. The three of them stroll around, a comfortable silence falling upon them. Jo's phone rings, and he puts it up to his ear. He hangs up, smiling apologetically to the two, and leaves as well.
Nicholas and Euijoo stand awkwardly until Euijoo walks ahead.
Nicholas grabs Euijoo's sleeve, and he looks back in surprise. "Any room for desert?" Nicholas asks, the words tumbling out inelegantly. Euijoo stares at him with an expression that only sends Nicholas into a panic. He scrambles to find something to say to fill the awkward silence when Euijoo smiles serenely at him.
"I'd like that."
Euijoo waits outside the convenience store, scarf bundled up to his nose. He hears the bell jingle and feels a nudge against his arm, then sees Nicholas walk ahead of him, arm outstretched with two ice cream cones in hand, gesturing for him to choose between the two flavors. Euijoo takes the strawberry cheesecake one, leaving Nicholas with the vanilla.
They continue to walk alongside the riverbank, and another long moment of silence stretches between them as they eat their ice cream. The cool breeze caresses their skin. Crickets and people chirp around them. The sky gradually turns a burning orange as it welcomes the night.
Nicholas clears his throat and says, “You know I haven’t said thank you for what you did that day…so thanks.”
“Ah.” Euijoo licks his ice cream, then his lips. “Thanks for taking the sheets out.” Euijoo’s voice comes out monotonously, expression lacking any emotion.
Nicholas’s eyes linger on Euijoo before he takes another bite of his ice cream, and an ache creeps into his chest. He closes his eyes, remembering the walks back home after school when he'd talk Euijoo's head off, and Euijoo would listen, only responding a couple of times. When he'd play basketball and rant about whatever was going on with his life at the time, and Euijoo would be studying with one earphone in, eyes glued and nose deep into a textbook, scribbling away into his notebook. Sometimes, Euijoo would get annoyed and throw in a witty remark, or very rarely, hit Nicholas lightly.
Everything was okay then.
Easy.
Nicholas blinks away the memories, storing them deep in the back of his mind, and looks over at Euijoo, who's staring at the sky with the slightest upturn of his lips. Euijoo turns to catch his eyes, and Nicholas almost jumps, but he manages to stay composed until he trips and nearly falls face-first into the dirt, his ice cream cone flying out of his hand.
"I'm okay!" Nicholas exclaims after he regains his balance, stepping away when he sees Euijoo close to him with his arms out. He looks mournfully at his ice cream.
"I see that," Euijoo says, teasing and light, a soft chuckle escaping. He finishes off the rest of his ice cream and burrows his hands back into his pockets.
Nicholas bites back a quip and continues walking, Euijoo following a step behind, and they end up on the bridge, looking over the river.
The moonlight and stars glitter on the surface of the gentle waves, their reflections distorted by the current. Even from the bridge, the sound of the water—its low, constant rumbling and occasional splashes—is loud enough to drown out the footsteps and conversations of passersby. It offers Nicholas comfort.
Euijoo holds onto the bridge's railing, swaying and embracing the wind as it gently swooshes around him, lightly tousling his hair, but nips at Nicholas's nose. Euijoo flutters his eyes open, and they share a look. This time, Nicholas doesn't jump, but he feels a weak flutter in his stomach.
The expression on Euijoo's face is soft. It always is. Euijoo's round, brown eyes stay trained on him, steady and unwavering, with only a faint twinkle in them. He sees Euijoo's throat work, bobbing.
"I do regret not telling you," Euijoo says, softly and carefully, turning toward Nicholas. "It's one of—it's my biggest regret."
Nicholas swallows, his heart in his throat. The fluttering scrapes against his stomach—it's impossible to ignore it now.
"I'm sorry. For everything."
It's a sonic boom through the thick silence. Nicholas's stomach clenches, squeezing tight until the fluttering rips his stomach open. It travels to his chest, throat, everywhere. Nicholas can no longer fight it.
Without a word, Nicholas pulls Euijoo into his arms and holds him firmly. Euijoo's arms hang awkwardly at his sides until he wraps them loosely around Nicholas's waist, and a familiar warmth hugs him back. Comforting, gentle, and something Euijoo constantly carried with him. It frighteningly blooms within Nicholas whenever Euijoo shared a glance, a laugh, and a smile—only meant for him. Despite how unforgiving he made it, a flower tentatively bloomed in Nicholas's heart. Wilted now, the petals curling into themselves and browning at the edges. Yet, somehow, Euijoo reaches inside of him, cutting the stem at the right angle, allowing it to live once more.
He could hold onto Euijoo all night. Nicholas feels a slight squeeze and the dampening of the fabric on his left shoulder.
"I'm sorry, too," Nicholas murmurs into the crook of Euijoo's neck. "For everything."
Nicholas leans his hand on the bathroom counter, raising his eyes to gaze at himself in the mirror.
He stares intently at his reflection again, searching for nothing in particular. He sees himself, mostly unchanged. He touches his hair, dark roots showing, and the blonde now a light, golden yellow. He drops his hand to his face, dragging the skin under his eyes. The bags under his eyes haven't gone away, and his dark circles haven't lightened. He exhales a ragged breath.
He turns on the faucet and runs his hands under the cold water before splashing his face. The water drips off his face and splatters onto the stone countertop. The water roars as he lets it run. He splashes himself again. And again. And again. Then, he twists the knob, gasping for air. He grabs a towel from the rack, patting his face and hands dry. He looks at whatever stares back at him, his thoughts tangling and his reflection warping. He leans further into the sink, pressing his forehead against the glass.
He hears a faint voice, catches a flash of a familiar face. Nicholas thinks he's lost his mind. He backs away from the mirror and leaves the bathroom. He grabs a bag of chips from the kitchen and collapses onto the couch, turning on the TV in hopes of finding something to distract his mind or doze off to.
He lounges on his couch for a while, muscles relaxed but mind still racing. The series doesn't entertain him and becomes white noise as he taps and swipes his finger on his phone. His phone doesn't do much either to wash away the thoughts he's been trying so hard to get rid of. Instead, it encourages them.
For all of winter break, Nicholas waits for the phone to light up with his name.
The doorbell rings.
Nicholas shoots up from the couch. Could it be him? Nicholas denies it could be, considering he rarely leaves his room—especially when he could be enjoying some sleep this late.
Nicholas huffs in disbelief when he checks the time on his phone. He sits on the couch, deliberating, because who in their right mind would ring a doorbell this early in the morning? He cocks his head toward his door when he hears a knock this time; two knocks and they're barely audible. He sighs, getting up from the couch and pads to his door, careful and quiet.
Nicholas cranes his neck forward, eyes squinting. He rubs his eyes vigorously, hoping he's just seeing things, only to look through the peephole again and still see a certain Byun Euijoo standing on the other side of his door. Nicholas backs up to leave before his phone pings in his hand. Well, fuck me. Nicholas curses under his breath, retrieves his phone, and looks at the screen, reading Euijoo's message.
"Nicholas?"
He debates answering.
"Nicholas, can I come in?"
Nicholas bites down on the urge to say no, dread filling his gut. His heart is racing, bobbing in his throat, and he could throw it up any second.
"How'd you even get my address?" Nicholas finally asks and presses his ear against his door. Nicholas hears a faint "what" and some shuffling.
"Maki."
Nicholas buries his head into his hands, furiously scratching his scalp, and makes a mental note to scold Maki when he gets the chance.
"Well," he says, watching through the peephole, "can you come another time?"
Euijoo freezes, then looks straight at him. "…What?"
"It's two o'clock in the morning, Byun Euijoo."
"I'll be quick."
"It's two-twenty-six am," Nicholas repeats.
"Can you just let me in? We need to talk," Euijoo says, persistently. "And, it's freezing out here."
Nicholas sighs, pinching his nose in frustration and also distress, then opens the door. Euijoo stands there, staring at the ground, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and Nicholas almost hits him with the door. Euijoo barely dodges it, breathing out a hushed woah. Nicholas's eyes wander everywhere but on Euijoo's face, and he notices a pink gift bag behind the other. Euijoo brings it around and presents it to Nicholas, who stares in bewilderment.
"And what is that?"
"A housewarming gift."
"Oh, thanks." Nicholas grabs it from Euijoo like a sloth and peers inside to find a candle. He steps aside, gesturing Euijoo to come in, shivering at the freezing weather. Euijoo toes off his shoes, rubbing and breathing into his hands to warm them up.
"Is there another group project I'm not aware of?" Nicholas jokes as he closes the door, cutting his laugh short when he turns to see his joke has gained no reaction from Euijoo, who is standing so close to him that Nicholas jumps back. He coughs and clears his throat, setting the gift on the console table. "So, what's up?"
"I've been thinking a lot lately," Euijoo says, hesitant, staring straight into Nicholas’s eyes. "About us. About you."
Nicholas quirks an eyebrow, expectant and intrigued. There's the familiar flutter in his stomach.
"You mean so much to me, more than I could ever realize," Euijoo continues. "If you'd let me, I'd like to be friends again."
They lapse into silence. It's comfortable and familiar, a feeling that neither of them has probably felt in a long time when alone together. Nicholas looks at Euijoo, his racing heart slowing down. Euijoo has always been easy to read, or rather, it was easy for Nicholas to read Euijoo. His eyes almost seem apologetic and simultaneously hopeful. But Nicholas knows Euijoo, and knows he means everything he said, with the utmost sincerity.
But the silence is also uneasy and fragile. Nicholas is afraid that when he speaks, he will spook Euijoo, and he'll leave and never come back. Yet, Nicholas has always taken chances. To do everything he wants to do because. So, what's the worst that could happen? …A lot, actually.
Still, Nicholas breaks it.
"I think I'm in love with you."
Euijoo's brows raise, and his eyes widen with surprise, clearly caught off guard.
Nicholas feels his cheek flush, the intense fluttering in his stomach, and an inexplicable impulse. Unable to stop himself, he grabs Euijoo by the waist and gently pushes him against the wall. Euijoo gazes at Nicholas, his lips slightly parted. He slowly brings his hand to Euijoo’s face and lets it rest on his cheek. Nicholas’s heart beats in his fingertips, and his eyes begin to burn. Nicholas caresses his face, his thumb tracing from Euijoo’s brown bone and lingering on the corner of Euijoo’s lips. Euijoo leans into his touch.
“Can I kiss you?” Nicholas whispers.
Euijoo’s eyes widen for a moment before giving a tiny nod. Nicholas’s heart jumps, his face getting warmer by the second. He leans forward slightly, hesitating in the space between them, and locks eyes with Euijoo, his lips pressed into a thin smile. Nicholas shuts his eyes and closes the distance between them, their lips meeting into a soft, light peck. Nicholas pulls back, their foreheads touching, and breathing each other's air.
"Had to be you, huh," Nicholas says, voice lilting. "Always you."
Nicholas moves his head slightly, brushing his nose with Euijoo's, his lips softly grazing against the other's. A small smile breaks across Euijoo's face, and Nicholas feels a smile tug on his lips.
Euijoo’s hand finds its way to the nape of Nicholas’s neck, and he pulls Nicholas closer. Nicholas freezes for a moment, then catches Euijoo's mouth again. It's hotter, wetter, and far messier. Greed finds its way into Nicholas, and he gently bites Euijoo’s lower lip and pulls at it ever so slightly. Euijoo gasps, his mouth opening wide, and Nicholas moves his tongue into Euijoo’s mouth, licking greedily inside. Euijoo makes small, breathless noises while threading his fingers through Nicholas’s hair. Nicholas breaks off and moves his mouth to Euijoo's jaw, then to the hollow of Euijoo’s throat, sliding his tongue down the length of it, and grazes his teeth on his collarbones. Nicholas's knees touch the ground when his mouth reaches Euijoo’s crotch.
He looks Euijoo in his face, his mouth agape and chest rising and falling heavily. Euijoo's hand creeps into the back of Nicholas's head and pushes him into his growing bulge. Nicholas stills, then unbuttons and unzips Euijoo's pants, unveiling a dark spot on Euijoo's underwear. He stares straight into Euijoo's eyes before kissing his bulge through the fabric, a low moan escaping Euijoo.
He grips Euijoo's hips as he begins to mouth at his bulge, lazily sucking the outline of Euijoo's dick—the fabric and his gaze clinging to Euijoo. Euijoo starts to pant. Nicholas's fingers hook onto the waistband of Euijoo's pants and Euijoo nods earnestly.
Nicholas tugs both his pants and underwear down his hipbones, his lips attaching to Euijoo's tip the moment it pops out from beneath the fabric. Euijoo lets out a strangled noise and smacks his head against the wall. Nicholas laughs softly, the air leaving his mouth warm against Euijoo's half-hard cock.
Euijoo knocks his knee into Nicholas's side. "Shut up," Euijoo says through gritted teeth.
"I will," Nicholas responds steadily.
Euijoo looks down, locking eyes with Nicholas. His eyelids are heavy, and his gaze is glazed over with lust. Euijoo sweeps Nicholas's hair over to the side and slides his fingers over his red cheek, then to his lips that were slicked with spit.
Euijoo leers as Nicholas licks the underside of his cock, his tongue pressing eagerly, and watches as his pink, wet lips wrap around him, and his cock disappears. Euijoo's head falls back again and gently thumps against the wall, his fingers burying into Nicholas's hair as the warmth of Nicholas's mouth welcomes him. Nicholas wraps one hand around his length and begins to suck languidly, stroking the skin that remains untouched. His other hand grips his hips, his thumb digging into Euijoo as he pins him against the wall.
Nicholas tilts his head back, letting just the tip of his cock rest on his tongue, a string of saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth. He slides his tongue messily over the head of Euijoo's cock, licking the precum that leaks from his slit, before taking him in again. Nicholas sucks sharply this time and continues to suck without any set rhythm.
Euijoo bites his lip, squirms, and stifles his moans as the heat and wetness of Nicholas's mouth swaddles him. When Nicholas draws his head back this time, he lets his teeth drag along his length, and Euijoo involuntarily jerks his hips, the tip of his cock hitting the back of Nicholas’s throat. Nicholas’s gags momentarily.
"S-sorry," Euijoo breathes out.
Nicholas sucks faster and harder, ignoring the burning sensation that begins to creep into his jaw and hands and his own erection that strains against his pants. Nicholas slides his hand from Euijoo's hips to fondle his balls, squeezing them firmly whenever he goes down. Nicholas feels them tighten in his palm and notices Euijoo's knees almost buckling. Euijoo is saying Nicholas's name between breaths, absolutely whimpering and moaning, and tugging hard on Nicholas's hair.
"Nicholas," Euijoo gasps out, "let me pull out, please." He twitches his hips back in an attempt to free himself, and his hands fall onto Nicholas's shoulders to push him off. Nicholas looks surprised, mouth open and tongue out.
Euijoo leans back against the wall, taking several deep breaths before grabbing Nicholas's face and saying, "Get up."
Euijoo connects their lips when Nicholas stands up, and their mouths work fast together again. Nicholas's hands press against Euijoo's back as he pulls him closer. Euijoo slowly guides them to the couch, slipping his hands under Nicholas's shirt, rubbing the pad of his thumb over Nicholas's nipple, lightly pinching the other one. Nicholas barely breathes out Euijoo's name. Euijoo's lips only leave the other's when he pulls off Nicholas's shirt.
Nicholas falls back on the couch, positioning his legs on either side of Euijoo's body as Euijoo pushes deeper in the kiss. Euijoo's hands travel from Nicholas's neck, chest, stomach, and to his hips, patting them. Nicholas lifts his hips, and Euijoo pulls his pants and underwear down until his cock springs free, painfully hard and leaking precum. Euijoo's fingers skim the length of Nicholas's cock, swiping his thumb over his tip, and Nicholas winces before peeling off his pants and underwear, and tossing them to the side. He gives Nicholas's cock a lazy pull before going down on him, sucking him slowly and nicely. Nicholas's hand flies over his mouth.
"Nicholas," Euijoo says quietly after drawing his head back.
"Euijoo," Nicholas responds, his voice low and breathy.
Euijoo stares as he rests his fingers on Nicholas's lips, pushing insistently with his middle finger and ring finger. Nicholas lets his jaw go slack, and Euijoo presses into his mouth. He closes his mouth around Euijoo's fingers, sucking and taking them to the knuckle. Nicholas's eyes fall closed as he runs his tongue over, around, in between, and under Euijoo's soft and slender fingers. Euijoo pulls them out with a pop, the spit dribbling and stretching between them.
Euijoo reaches down, smooths the spit around his rim, and lightly presses Nicholas's hole. Euijoo glances up and sees Nicholas focused on his fingers. He nods. Euijoo carefully pushes in, slipping down all the way to the knuckle. Nicholas exhales and grimaces lightly, whining lowly. Nicholas's breath quickens, and his muscles squeeze down on Euijoo's finger as it slowly slides in and out. Euijoo studies Nicholas's facial expressions when he tentatively presses a second finger against his hole, and Nicholas gives him another tiny nod. He inserts a second finger, the heated pressure from before even more intense.
Euijoo places a comforting hand on Nicholas's stomach. "You need to relax," Euijoo says, his fingers stilling inside of Nicholas.
"I am relaxed," Nicholas says, the words coming out too quickly.
Euijoo presses further into Nicholas and scissors his fingers, barely stretching his hole. Nicholas whines, and the pressure around Euijoo increases, and his fingers are forced together again. Euijoo slips as far as he can go, curls his fingers, and rubs firmly. Nicholas cries out, and his legs tighten around Euijoo. Euijoo crooks his fingers up again and rubs the right spot repeatedly in a rhythmic motion.
Nicholas is a panting mess. He's trembling, squirming at every twist of Euijoo's fingers and stretch of his hole. He grasps at Euijoo's forearm, his fingernails digging deep into his skin, the other hand clutching the couch cushion.
"E-Euijoo," Nicholas cries out, his voice strained, "I need you."
Euijoo ignores him as Nicholas struggles weakly to escape the constant massage of Euijoo's fingers inside of him. Nicholas's cock is hardened and upright, strings of precum dripping and pooling onto his crotch, in painful need to be touched.
"Please."
Euijoo stops and stares at Nicholas, his eyes full of desperation. Euijoo can't ignore the ache in his underwear, so he pulls his fingers from Nicholas before burying his head between his thighs, peppering them with kisses and tonguing around and into his rim.
Nicholas stretches his leg to push him away, "Euijoo."
Euijoo gawks, then shakes his head and smiles cheekily, wiping away the drool around his mouth. "Where's the lube?"
"In my bedside drawer," Nicholas pants. Euijoo starts to get up from the couch, but Nicholas pulls him back.
"But—"
"Euijoo, just fuck me already."
Euijoo grins and plants a soft kiss on Nicholas's mouth. He repositions himself and slings Nicholas’s right leg over his shoulder. Euijoo grabs his cock and rubs his tip against Nicholas's hole a few times before guiding himself in slowly, both of them groaning when the tip is barely in.
“You okay?” Euijoo asks breathlessly.
Nicholas’s eyes are screwed shut, and his brows are knotted together. “Yeah,” Nicholas breathes. "You feel so good."
Euijoo pulls his hips back, sliding halfway out, then back in, the tip of his cock barely grazing Nicholas’s prostate. Euijoo starts with shallow thrusts, moving his hips smoothly and slowly. Nicholas whimpers meekly with each slow roll of Euijoo’s hips, his fingers gripping onto Euijoo’s forearms. Nicholas’s bangs stick to drops of sweat trailing down from his forehead. Euijoo moves his hair from his face and wipes away the sweat plastered on Nicholas’s face. Nicholas’s hands move to Euijoo’s ass, and he squeezes, urging Euijoo to move closer. To move faster. Harder.
Euijoo doesn’t budge.
Nicholas huffs and starts to move his hips with Euijoo’s until his cock finally hits the right spot. Nicholas moans loudly and continues to meet with Euijoo’s thrusts.
Euijoo stops, pressing down on the other's hips.
Nicholas protests by grinding on Euijoo's cock, and Euijoo watches as his dick disappears into Nicholas. He does this for a few more seconds, gasping when Euijoo pulls out. Euijoo wordlessly and roughly slings Nicholas's other leg over his shoulder and slams into Nicholas’s hole.
Nicholas screams.
Euijoo leans down further into him, withdraws his dick all the way to the tip, and slams down. He repeatedly thrusts deep, establishing a fast, steady, and rough rhythm, and the entire couch begins to move with them. The loud screech of the couch's legs against the hardwood floor, the wet and crisp sound of their skin slapping against each other, their heavy pants—all erupt with each thrust.
“Fuck, Juju.”
Heat starts to pool at Euijoo’s stomach, and Euijoo gives a few more jerky strokes before he’s moaning and coming. He lets Nicholas’s legs fall off his shoulders and continues to thrust lazily into him, working through his orgasm. Nicholas reaches for his own cock until Euijoo grabs his wrists and holds them above his head.
Nicholas gives him a pleading look, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.
“Stay still,” Euijoo says sternly, wincing as he pushes himself back in.
It’s almost painful as Euijoo drives into Nicholas. He presses his hand on the other's stomach as he feels the walls of Nicholas clench tighter around him—his flat, chiseled stomach bulging out slightly with each thrust. He feels his own dick slide easily in and out of Nicholas—the room filling with squelching sounds, drowning out the helpless moans and gasps of Nicholas. He can feel the strain of Nicholas’s muscles as he pounds into Nicholas even deeper, can feel and hear how full and wet the inside of Nicholas's hole is, cum spilling out of his hole and onto the cushion. Nicholas’s back arcs off the couch, and he wraps his legs around Euijoo as he continues to abuse Nicholas’s prostate.
“Just like that,” Nicholas whines, "I-I'm close."
Euijoo starts mouthing at Nicholas's neck, nibbling at his skin, thrusting further into him. “Come for me, Nichol.”
Nicholas squeezes Euijoo with his legs, nails digging into his skin as his body stiffens, gasping and crying out his name, cum shooting onto his stomach. Euijoo doesn’t stop thrusting into Nicholas until he’s pushed over the edge for the second time, groaning and coming in thick and hot spurts, burying himself deep into Nicholas. Euijoo gives one final thrust before slumping onto Nicholas, their bodies slick with warm sweat, and sticking to each other. Their chests rise and fall together, and they lie like that for a few minutes until Euijoo pushes himself up, carefully pulling himself out. Nicholas whimpers from the loss of fullness.
Euijoo slowly gets off the couch, wobbling slightly as he heads to Nicholas's bedroom. He returns with a towel and wipes the cum on Nicholas, then on himself. Euijoo tosses the towel over his shoulder, and Nicholas moves to make room for him on the couch. Euijoo collapses next to Nicholas, wrapping him around his arms and nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck.
"Are you okay?" Euijoo asks.
Nicholas hums softly. "More than okay," he mumbles and grabs Euijoo's hand. He gives it a light squeeze before kissing it and holding it close to him.
It feels like a promise.
Euijoo presses a tender kiss on Nicholas's shoulder, then pushes his face into the crook of Nicholas's neck.
There's the familiar tug that pulls at Euijoo's chest—an intense and painful heat that would settle in his chest. It tugs from the very back of Euijoo's chest, from the middle of his spine. It's a gentle pull at his chest now—warm and sparkling—bringing him closer to Nicholas. Euijoo hopes this feeling never fades.