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MCARD: Mistralton Cave, Animal Relief Division

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Mistralton Cave Guidelines:

  • Beware of swarming Woobat. Even the fluffiest Pokemon can be dangerous in numbers!
  • Boldore can and will bite if you try to pet them. These are wild animals!
  • Axew may be cute, but do not chase them into the depths of the cave. Mistralton Cave Management takes no responsibility for injuries sustained by those who travel more than 10 metres from the assigned paths!

It’s all clearly labelled! You tick a box on your clipboard, switch on your headlamp, and step inside with a sigh. Management should’ve been much faster on the uptake with this Haxorus issue in your opinion! If they knew that they existed in here, then they should have acted much faster. Would’ve saved a few unfortunates from an… unpleasant experience.

You’re glad to get in from the rain though. The top brass won’t accept weather as an excuse for not doing as you’ve been ordered. You pull your hood back and shake yourself like a dog to throw as much water off as you can, while checking roundabout the cave entrance.

Nobody here?

Thank goodness.

Your new job might be a bit awkward with others around from what you’ve heard, but you’re still unsure what it even involves! You were offered the position of “Mistralton Animal Relief” along with a substantial pay increase, and who can argue with that? Mysterious job descriptions never scared you before, even if “providing release and satisfaction as required by cave residents” does sound a little dirty. It’s a job though! You’re a professional, and for 2000 extra Poké per month plus overtime benefits you’d suck twenty dicks a day if that’s what it took. In this economy you can’t afford to hold onto dignity.

Anyhow, your job description did detail a few things. You’ve got to check all signs are properly positioned and unambiguously worded, attend committee meetings on phrasing and keeping the general public safe, and regularly provide “services as required” to the residents at your assigned post deep in the cave.

Ok, now just to find your post!

The wind blows pretty strong near the entrance, filling it with the smell of rain, but once you’ve wandered a few metres it fades to the dank mustiness you’ve smelt a hundred times before in here. A dose of moss, a glug of fur, and a lil waft of… seafood? Odd.

As you walk deeper that waft seems to strengthen, coiling round your head. Was it always this hot in here? Every step on the hard stone floor seems to ring in your head like a tuning fork. Reverberating, back and forth, everything just feels so heavy… might just take a breather for a minute. Where is this post anyway? From the directions it must be near the deepest depths of the cave, where the most accidents are known to happen. Scary.

You take a short moment to take your breath. Really, you’re fit when it’s not this stuffy. If you’re going to work down here regularly then you figure you’ll have to get used to it.


After that short reprieve, you pick yourself up and keep going. A stray Boldore lying in the path impedes you for a minute, but a bit of candy soon entices it away. Rock candy, of course. They’re very particular. Now according to all your directions, it should be right around this corner...


Now, when they said “your new post”, you were expecting a booth, maybe a little room. That kind of thing.

You weren’t expecting an actual post, complete with a firmly-attached rope complete with a… collar?! A well-made one though, thick, comfy, nice little padded interior. It’s evidently designed for some hard wear; the rope is a synthetic fibre that looks tough enough to hold a charging bull, the collar is a tough black leathery material, and the metal post is driven directly into the rock of the cave floor. There’s even a small hook attached to the post from which a clipboard, pen, and several paper sheets are attached. Hopefully it’ll shed some light on all this setup. Accordingly, you take a curious eye to the papers and are somewhat bemused by what you see there.

Congratulations on being appointed to this new position of Mistralton Cave Animal Relief Officer! Your new role is an experimental position that has been trialled in other locations across the Unova region, and we will determine the necessity of an Animal Relief officer in this location based on your effectiveness in the coming weeks.

The duties of this role are somewhat simplified compared to your previous role of maintenance. While you must monitor the cave and continue to develop the legislation surrounding your role, the majority of your working hours should be spent relieving the inhabitants of Mistralton Cave at your designated post.

Please follow the regulations below, for your own safety:

  • During work hours, you should remain collared at all times. This limits the danger of being abducted by species that have a preference for lair ornamentation.
  • This should be known already, but you cannot become pregnant during your service here. We expect all employees to have a basic working knowledge of biology.
  • If you become pregnant with a human child while working here, inform your supervisor immediately. Hormonal changes may cause unpredictable behaviour in regular service targets.
  • You will find satchets of lube in your employee locker. If you have not received these satchets yet, do not attempt intercourse with any Rock-typed Pokémon for your own safety.
  • Due to the cloacal nature of many Dragon-type Pokémon genitalia, do not be alarmed if they attempt to engage in anal intercourse. They have no ability to distinguish between your orifices. Either gently discourage them or be prepared for extremely large insertion.
  • Good luck! J

Below that friendly message is a table with many different categories for each date written on it, presumably for you to record data in. It’s not really top of your priorities though, since this note just said “attempt intercourse” and tried to tell you not to worry about a giant raging beast trying to ram you in your ass. After a double-take, you read over it again. Still saying it. Getting a bit more worried now.



 You didn’t sign up for this, you can walk away at any second, you’re not panicking at ALL. When they said “Animal Relief” you just thought it was some bureaucratic title, maybe for clearing up rocks and things? Helping out little Axews? Not getting drilled in a life-threatening job that threatens you with “lair ornamentation”! Certainly you’re no stranger to sex but this is far too sudden to get used to, even if it has been quite a while since you last got some… no. Wait. What even was that thought?

Did you seriously just consider it for a second? What a weird world, you’re having delusions already. Maybe it’s cave madness or something coming on if you even contemplated it. It’s time to get out of here. You’re going to have strong words for management about this job position – it’s bordering on harassment to appoint you to cave gloryhole for whatever beast might wander by. Even the thought makes you shudder.




Oh, fuck.

Something’s coming. In your present situation of employment, that’s a particularly foreboding thing to think about.

You’re experienced in these caves, but with this many echoes the ‘mon could be coming from anywhere. It could be right behind you! The post is next to the cave wall with many tunnels all leading towards it, and you can’t quite recall which tunnels are interconnected… running might be more dangerous than hiding with an angered Pokémon. If it’s a Boldore, their hunting instinct might get you crushed for your troubles at that. No, staying put seems like your best option.

Carefully, you slide your way over to the post. In a pinch it might hide you enough to let any Pokémon pass you by undetected; you’ll take what you can get.


Once that haunting cry pierces your ears, fear pares your mind from your body. Terror has your heart in an iron grip, your muscles lock up, it’s almost an out-of-body experience. Nobody forgets that call once they’ve heard it, and nobody tries to hear it more than once. It’s a very rare inhabitant of these caves, known to few, and you’ve never heard of it wandering this far out of the deepest depths.

A fully-grown bull Haxorus is in heat.

To contextualise, a normal Haxorus can be an agreeable animal. Defensive, yes, but slow movements and soft words can disarm them enough to leave their territory. When in heat though Haxorus becomes a beast to beware: their hormones are in overdrive causing violent outbursts, their desire to mate is so strong they will assault anything that remotely has a hole, and their blind desire to mate can give them the strength to shear through just about anything they choose to. What they choose is usually anything without a hole. The poor unfortunates with some kind of fuckable orifice though, you’ve heard horror stories of what happens to them. In the throes of heat, the bull Haxorus will drag its partner to its fiercely-protected lair and proceed to mate with them as many times as it can muster. Due to their incredibly potent hormones, their mate can become a slave to the Haxorus’ whims, being fed by and looked after by the Haxorus in exchange for being regularly mated with.

Even once the Haxorus is out of heat and thus less territorial, other members of the species will travel to their lair just to use the mate for relief; keeping their community’s stress low prevents infighting.

Of course you’re not sure what would happen if they couldn’t transport their mate back to their lair. Maybe they’d just mark the site to call others to, or move their lair to the mate. It’s a completely new and incredibly relevant terrifying thought.

Wait! The thought flashes into your mind.

If you put on the collar – theoretically obviously, that’d be entertaining the thought that you might even get caught – it might prevent the Haxorus from – again, theoretically – trying to transport you to its lair. If, indeed, it was going to find you. Which you’re fervently praying isn’t going to happen, but it can’t hurt to be safe.

It takes all your courage to reach up the post, praying that the Haxorus doesn’t come into view. You hook the collar off of the post and scrabble with the buckle at the back frantically. Once it pops open, you fasten it securely round your neck. Although you wouldn’t want to admit it, there is a very slight thrill in the back of your mind just from the sensation of the belt around your neck, a primal tingle from the comfortable leathery squeeze. Chills run up and down your spine from the animalistic feeling offset your terror just enough to let you breathe out a sigh of relief.


Oh, fuck.

They’ve got good hearing.

A further inquisitive cry heralds a gigantic outline appearing from the passage that you also arrived from. It’s completely unmistakeable now – the axe-blade crest, the clawed feet, the swishing tail – this is one prime specimen. Your eyes travel all over it, taking in the vicious clawed hands, the rough scaled underbelly, and the piercing red eyes staring directly into… your… eyes… ah, fuck.

With a roar, the Haxorus starts coming quicker towards you. Each step makes the ground tremble, each ragged breath nearly stops your own. A strange smell accompanies the ferociously aroused dragon, a musk that smells like sex, sweaty body-pounding animalistic savage sex. Like a coiling serpent the aroma wraps around your brain, easing your increasing fear and injecting small thoughts of doubt into your resolve. It’s so regal after all, the king of these underground caves… it’d protect you and keep you safe, treat you like a treasure, make you feel so good…

A blast of hot breath on your face snaps you out of your reverie. You knew the hormonal cloud was strong, but you never anticipated something like this. It’s like your whole body is tingling with anticipation despite your horror, making your body ache.

Haxorus’ face is now right in front of yours. Those axe blades are far too close to your face, those razor sharp teeth showing an open mouth and a long flickering tongue are on display just inches from you. With a slurping noise, that tongue lashes out and runs up your face; it’s hot, sticky, and surprisingly soft as it tastes you.

Nearly scaring you out of your skin, the beast suddenly roars and rears back. Prayers flash through your mind, fears of imminent death. However, that axelike head is not brought down as you expected. What is happening though, might be worse.

Extending from its groin region, folding out from its sheath, is its absolutely monstrous erection. It resembles a cat’s penis in some ways with its soft spines and girth but its size extends to almost your entire forearm. A neon red glow pulsates throughout it, and it looks so engorged that it’s painful. A mite of pity tries to make itself heard in your equal parts horror, fear, and arousal, but it’s quickly quashed along with your entire body. Haxorus brings itself forwards in a wild thrust, bringing its enormous dick down onto your chest as you lie there paralyzed.

The first thing you notice is the heat. It feels like a burning rod lying there, searing into your body as the weight of Haxorus pins you down. Haxorus’ feet are planted on either side of you, and it starts to rub itself forwards with slow strokes. It’s just a slight movement, a touch of friction, but the pulsing red dick reacts by burbling forth a weighty bead of precum from its tip. God, your mind’s spinning from how fast this is all happening, this hormonal fog, this… juicy dick.

Fuck, it smells so good.

You’ve always considered yourself a hard worker so maybe, just maybe, it won’t hurt to mess around a little? Getting a little action every now and then isn’t so bad; this massive member might be more than “little” but you’re not complaining. Nobody’s around, it’s a lot more in the bank each month, and it’s so hot on your chest.

With a plop, some precum lands on your cheek from a particularly enthusiastic thrust. From the movements it seems desperate for stimulation. Trembling, you reach your hand round and gently grasp the hot shaft near the tip. Immediately you feel a tingle rush through your body like an electric shock, the thrilling reality that this is really happening finally races down your spine and sets a fire in your crotch. The moist flesh and slight roughness feels so different from the dicks you’ve handled before, a slippery beast to the tamed human organ. Near the tip you can fit one hand comfortably around the shaft, but clearly near the base you’d struggle to fit both hands around that girth. Haxorus penises don’t have knots, but instead pump out a truly stunning amount of cum in order to make sure their mates are filled to the brim with their hormones.

Carefully you squeeze your hand. It’s got a little give still, a spongy feeling over the rigid inner core. Bringing your other hand up, you gently run over the head’s slick coating of precum and gather a palmful of the pungent ooze. You bring your hand back for a little taste, oh god it smells intoxicating, raw and wild, a shot to the brain via the nose that scrambles your thoughts along the way and sticks like a searing spear to your tongue.

You want more.

You need more.

You start to pump your hands up and down the shaft alternately, spreading that lubrication as far as your hands will reach. Growls and whines from your draconic partner spur you on. God, you want to taste it some more. Fuck.

A lick can’t hurt to begin, just to scratch this itch that’s been growing since that little taste such a short time ago. On the next thrust you bend your head forwards and give a quick lick along the end of that glorious dick. It’s incredible, hot and salty, you can’t turn back now. Gently you pull on the Haxorus’ dick to draw it back towards you and stop thrusting, and somehow it works. Haxorus’ dick is now just in front of your face, bobbing slightly, demanding you internally to worship and service it with all your body. Surprising you, Haxorus then thrusts forwards into your open and waiting mouth.

It makes you choke at first with the surprise as it slams into the back of your mouth, pushing forwards with a steady pressure to try and breach deeper. Your hands thrash around in panic, but they can’t do a thing against the incredible strength of the dragon squatting over you. All you can do is brace your body as best you can.

Holding it is impossible, and you have to swallow eventually. With that swallow, the thick member battering down your tonsils begins to run rampage into your throat. Balling your fists, you fight through the overwhelming sensation and do your best to endure. Eyes watering, you see Haxorus shuffling forwards with you impaled helplessly on its prick. It brings you up against the wall, lifting you up until you’re sitting upright, and then begins its assault.

 Pulling back, thrusting in, savouring your throat, repeat.

Jaw stretched to a ridiculous capacity, the only thing keeping you conscious through the oxygen deprivation of your totally filled airway is the ache and pain of the monster using you like a masturbatory aid. The air is filled with the slurping and squelching of each plunge into you, thick drool oozing out of your mouth onto your chest. Accompanying this ordeal is the burning sensation of precum straight from the tap being directly fed to your stomach, lubricating your throat for this facefucking.

This carries on for almost five minutes before Haxorus seems to be approaching some sort of climax. A quick shot? You suppose that a beast in heat might just be aroused to a ridiculous degree, and from what you’ve read they’ve got more than one shot in them for sure.

A low growl from Haxorus heralds it cumming.

It slams you back where you can’t even struggle an inch, head forced against the wall, and you feel its dick start to twitch in your throat. It almost feels like that growl is rumbling through your whole body, making you quiver in anticipation yourself.

With little warning save that, Haxorus begins to unload in you. Thick cum is being shot into your throat, coating your insides and filling your stomach. You moan around the flesh filling your mouth as this extended suffocation, but you can’t resist the power of this raging dragon. Almost thirty seconds pass with Haxorus’ release steadily slowing down and your oxygen steadily dwindling, eyes rolling back and panic rising in you.

Contentedly Haxorus begins to withdraw from you. An inrush of air leaves you heaving when your airway is unblocked. The soft tip runs over your tongue and discharges a fat droplet of cum, filling your mouth with its thick taste. Greedily you gulp it down, you don’t know why but it just feels right. Being dominated by this beast, terrifying and painful though it may be, it’s starting to feel like it’s how things should be for you.

God, that enormous erection has hardly softened at all.

Haxorus has backed up slightly to breathe heavily, but its dick is still standing smartly to attention with its new coating of saliva and semen. It looks curiously down at you with its eyes, now less clouded with arousal and more filled with thought.

It leans down and opens its mouth to reveal a large set of varied teeth. A tendency for an omnivorous diet is common in dragon types, with notable exceptions such as Goomy. You just can’t trust those little purple bloodsuckers. Gently it grasps your leg and lifts? Oh, fuck.

Still too breathless to resist, you’re pulled upside-down by Haxorus. It bears you as it would a child, not even breaking the skin but still holding you inescapably as it turns towards the tunnel it came from. Beginning at a slow pace, it starts to carry you away from your post until the inevitable happens. Your chain runs out and you stop suddenly, yanked out of its grasp and falling onto the hard floor. Pain flares through into your head, and the world spins around. Haxorus lets out a loud screech of anger at its newest mate resisting it, causing that pain in your head to break wide open in irritation.

After so much pain, so much exhaustion, all that’s just happened, you can’t keep your eyes open. Haxorus’ anger turns to a concerned lilt as you drift off, a feather mattress of rocks bearing you to troubled darkness.