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Killjoy Sin™

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Dr. Death Defying has added Party Poison, Kobra Kid, Fun Ghoul, Jet Star, and Show Pony to the chat

Party Poison: doc wtf why

Dr. Death Defying has changed his name to Doc

Doc: I need to keep an eye on you sinners. Just forget I'm here.

Fun Ghoul: cool cool

Fun Ghoul has removed Doc from the chat

Show Pony: you're a fucking legend, dude

Jet Star: can you two plz behave?

Jet Star has added Doc to the chat

Doc: This is why I have to keep an eye on you.

Kobra Kid: even me????? :3

Doc: ESPECIALLY YOU.

Party Poison: amen doc

Doc: You are worse than he can ever be shut your damn mouth.

Party Poison has changed the chat name to "Doc is literally no fun at all"

Kobra Kid: I guess you can say he's a real...

Party Poison: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

Kobra Kid: ...

Fun Ghoul: wait what

Party Poison: don't encourage him

Kobra Kid: ... Killjoy

Party Poison has removed Kobra Kid from the chat

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Jet Star: party why do you and kobra hate each other

Party Poison: ...

Fun Ghoul: Jet are you really asking that?

Fun Ghoul: While we're at it, why is summer hot? Why is the mailbox sacred? Why is Show Pony hopelessly in love with me?

Show Pony: ew

Jet Star: What? What am I missing?

Party Poison: Jet. honey.

Party Poison: we're always together.

Party Poison: we moved to the desert together.

Party Poison: we look alike.

Party Poison: we have almost matching jackets.

Party Poison: what

Party Poison: do

Party Poison: you

Party Poison: think

Jet Star: Oh, you guys are best friends?

Party Poison: *deep sigh*

Party Poison has added Kobra Kid to the chat

Kobra Kid: whazzup suckfucks

Party Poison has changed his name to Kobra's Big Brother

Kobra Kid: What?

Kobra Kid: Jet, really?

Kobra Kid has changed his name to Party's Little Brother

Kobra's Big Brother: Do you understand now?

Party's Little Brother: Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?

Kobra's Big Brother has removed Party's Little Brother from the chat

Fun Ghoul: wait bring him back i wanna say something

Kobra's Big Brother has added Party's Little Brother to the chat

Fun Ghoul: goodbye you little shit

Fun Ghoul has removed Party's Little Brother from the chat

 

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Kobra's Big Brother: so wait doc why did you add all of us if you can't stand us

Doc: I told you. I need to keep an eye on you guys.

Doc has added Party's Little Brother to the chat

Party's Little Brother: I hate every single one of you

Party's Little Brother has changed their name to Not Party's Brother

Doc: And it's not that I can't stand you guys

Doc: you guys are like my kids

Fun Ghoul: so who's your favorite?

Doc: Jet. No question.

Fun Ghoul: :( I cri

Jet Star: Thanks Daddy

Jet Star has changed their name to Daddy's Favorite xoxo

Not Party's Brother: uhh...

Fun Ghoul: JET.

Show Pony: HONEY.

Daddy's Favorite xoxo: what

Daddy's Favorite xoxo: is something wrong

Daddy's Favorite xoxo: isn't Doc our daddy?

Not Party's Brother: Jet please stop you are hurting us all

Doc: y'all are nasty.

Daddy's Favorite xoxo: wait what's nasty what in the darn tootin heck am i missing

Daddy's Favorite xoxo: excuse my language

Kobra's Big Brother has removed Daddy's Favorite xoxo from the chat

Kobra's Big Brother: sorry Doc it had to be done

Doc: I didn't even need Jet in this chat anyway. I trust him to make good decisions

Fun Ghoul: why did you add him

Doc: because you and Pony need your boyfriend so you don't go completely nuts

Not Party's Brother: WAIT A SECOND

Not Party's Brother: WHY DIDN'T YOU ADD MY BOYFRIEND

Doc: Because I don't like you

Kobra's Big Brother: only I can drag him like that fight me

Kobra's Big Brother: come at me scrublord im ripped

Doc has left the chat

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Fun Ghoul: sweet the parent is gone

Fun Ghoul: time to throw a party

Kobra's Big Brother: I disapprove of your wording

Not Party's Brother: geez bro you're such poison

Kobra's Big Brother: I will block you

Fun Ghoul: okay so everybody get your boyfriends into the chat!!!

Fun Ghoul has added Daddy's Favorite xoxo to the chat

Show Pony: time to get sexy

Show Pony: sorry Jet

Daddy's Favorite has changed their name to Token Ace

Token Ace: okay

Not Party's Brother: wait we're all adding our boyfriends

Not Party's Brother has added Cherri Cola to the chat

Cherri Cola: Greetings gentlemen

Cherri Cola: and Pony

Show Pony: thanks babe

Not Party's Brother: ONLY I CAN CALL HIM THAT

Cherri Cola: ...

Not Party's Brother: ...

Cherri Cola: Kobra, is there something you should tell me?

Cherri Cola: Poison I can hear you laughing from zone 3 what's going on

Kobra's Big Brother has changed their name to Cupid

Cupid has changed the chat name to Kobra Shaming Zone

Cupid: You forgot to ask him out, didn't you

Not Party's Brother: ...

Cupid: Kobra you dumbass


 

Not Party's Brother has added Cherri Cola to a private chat

Not Party's Brother: sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

Cherri Cola: Did... that just happen?

Not Party's Brother: Sorry I've like had a crush on you forever and I had a dream that I asked you out and you said yes and I'm sorry I couldn't tell it was a dream dammit I should have talked to somebody about this I'm so fucking sorry Cherri do you even want to be friends with me anymore

Cherri Cola: Kobra, bud,

Cherri Cola has changed their name to Kobra's Boyfriend

Kobra's Boyfriend: I'm kind of in love with you.

Not Party's Brother: I...

Not Party's Brother: is this real?

Not Party's Brother: Cherri im scared

Kobra's Boyfriend: Hon. This is real and I'm coming to the diner to talk to you. I'll be there in a minute, okay?

Kobra's Boyfriend: I love you. You'll be okay. This is real.

Kobra's Boyfriend: :-* love you


 

Kobra's Boyfriend has added Cupid to a private chat

Cupid: UMM.

Kobra's Boyfriend: He's dissociating. Stick with him until I get there, okay?

Cupid: sure

Cupid: congrats

Cupid: get it boy

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Fun Ghoul: Oh hey Cherri

Kobra's Boyfriend: I am literally across the room from you and you texted that?

Token Ace: sorry my datemates are the worst

Show Pony: fite me

Fun Ghoul: Pony you are like 80 pounds even with the skates on

Show Pony: Ghoul, you literally fall on your ass when you even think about skating

Cupid: Guys I'm gonna make popcorn make sure nothing interesting happens while I'm gone

Not Party's Brother: wait a second

Not Party's Brother has changed their name to Cherri's Boyfriend

Cherri's Boyfriend: thats better

Token Ace: oh, Cola, is that why they call you cherri?

Token Ace: because of how you blush?

Cupid: Jet quit making this adorable

Cupid: I came here to watch sexual tension unfold

Token Ace: ew

Cupid: well you asked for it by turning the conversation cute

Cupid: Frankly sir, I am disgusted

Cupid: Ghoul, Pony, resume

Cupid: Really? Both of you flipping me off at the same time?

Cupid: Jet keep your datemates in order

Cherri's Boyfriend: He came back to see sexual tension being resolved

Cupid: damn right

Cherri's Boyfriend: Well Cherri, whaddya say we help him out?

Cupid: Kobra Kid do not cross me or I will say your real name in front of this whole chat

Kobra's Boyfriend: Kobra sweetie what are you implying

Cherri's Boyfriend: do I have to show you???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Token Ace: THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

Cherri's Boyfriend: bitch where

Cupid: Kobra you are the child

Cherri's Boyfriend: I hate you all and everything you stand for

Kobra's Boyfriend: even me? :-(

Cherri's Boyfriend: of course not ily babe

Token Ace: where are my datemates I want to be adorable with them

Token Ace: oh there you are

Token Ace: Pony, why are you limping?

Token Ace: Ghoul babe, why is your neck all bruised?

Token Ace: Guys?

Token Ace: OKAY POISON I GET IT YOU CAN STOP EXPLAINING NOW

Token Ace: thanks for the nightmares bye guys

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Cupid has added Fun Ghoul to a private chat

Cupid: Ghoul, you're my best friend. Spill.

Fun Ghoul: Jet's hella ace

Cupid: I've noticed

Fun Ghoul: well, Pony and I...

Fun Ghoul: aren't.

Cupid: I've also noticed. Pretty sure I saw her hit on a cactus once

Fun Ghoul: at least I had the decency to wait until we found a tree.

Cupid: You can't call it decency when you were half naked and found out the hard way that you're allergic to the weeds in that part of the desert.

Fun Ghoul: can we not discuss that for once

Cupid: Sure bud. I'd hate to endanger our friendship by saying or doing something...

Fun Ghoul: hoe don't do it

Cupid: ... rash

Fun Ghoul: oh my god

Fun Ghoul: you complain about Kobra, but you know he's just a milder version of you, right?

Cupid: somebody told me as a kid that the world couldn't handle two of me

Cupid: so I raised another one of me to prove them wrong

Fun Ghoul: you're adorable

Cupid: you're a fuckwad.

Fun Ghoul: damn straight

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Cherri's Boyfriend: hey guys who's awake

Kobra's Boyfriend: I am, as usual.

Show Pony: Cherri what the fuck

Kobra's Boyfriend: I enjoy the night when the desert is cold and empty, and I can focus on the futility of existence.

Show Pony: Kobra go suck Cherri's dick. he needs it

Token Ace: babe can you not

Show Pony: your fault for being awake during sexytimes

Token Ace: Pony. hon. all the time is sexytimes for you.

Show Pony: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Fun Ghoul: this chat woke me up

Fun Ghoul: you guys better have a good reason for this

Kobra's Boyfriend: Is there a good reason for anything?

Show Pony: idk but your existential bullshit is a damn good reason why your dick should be inside Kobra

Cupid: SHOW PONY I WILL FIGHT YOU

Cupid: YOU WOKE ME UP YOU LITTLE SHIT

Cupid: AND THIS IS WHAT YOU WOKE ME UP FOR

Show Pony has added Doc to the chat

Show Pony: Doc help

Doc: y'all better have a real good explanation for waking me up this early

Token Ace: POISON JUST KICKED OPEN THE DINER DOOR AND LEFT

Show Pony: HE'S GONNA KILL ME

Cupid: YOU HAD IT COMING

Show Pony: Party please I'll stop

Cupid: YOU HAD IT COMING

Token Ace: babe, you couldn't stop if you wanted to

Show Pony: fuck you guys. I'mma be a nun

Cupid: YOU ONLY HAD YOURSELF TO BLAME

Cherri's Boyfriend: motherfucker

Cherri's Boyfriend: look what you guys did

Cherri's Boyfriend: you made him go all Broadway on us

Cupid: Doc, can you let me in so I can kill Show Pony?

Cupid: Please?

Doc: I'm too old for this shit.

Doc: Cherri, take over.

Doc has left the chat

Kobra's Boyfriend: wait out here Party. I am escorting you back to the diner.

Cupid: who died and made you queen

Kobra's Boyfriend: About a hundred dracs and at least three exterminators. I prefer to think of myself as an ambassador though.

Cupid: you suck

Kobra's Boyfriend: I'm aware.

Show Pony: I McFreakin love you, Cherri

Cherri's Boyfriend: fite me

Kobra's Boyfriend: Guys?

Kobra's Boyfriend: Party kinda... passed out on our doorstep

Show Pony: you're kidding

Show Pony: he's not kidding guys

Cherri's Boyfriend: draw dicks on his face

Token Ace: If y'all won't stop talking about dicks I'm going to bed

Token Ace has left the chat

Cherri's Boyfriend: wait I have a better idea

Cherri's Boyfriend: one of you take Party's phone and remove him from the chat

Show Pony: on it

Cupid: your brother needs to figure out a better way to lock his phone

Cupid: 1234 is not a secure password

Cupid has left the chat

Cherri's Boyfriend: anyway

Cherri's Boyfriend: Pony, you were saying he needs a boyfriend?

Show Pony: I'm disgusted and intrigued. go on

Cherri's Boyfriend: I think I know a guy

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Show Pony: Guys

Show Pony: guys it's Poison

Show Pony: why am I not in the chat

Show Pony: and why am I on Pony's floor

Show Pony: guys

Show Pony: I KNOW YOU'RE ALL READING THIS

Show Pony: oh wait

Show Pony has added Cupid to the chat

Cupid: that's better

Cupid: hey ghoul you can stop sexting Pony

Cupid: your erection is not actually that impressive

Fun Ghoul: SHIT

Fun Ghoul: PARTY I WAS NOT EVEN AWAKE STFU

Cupid: you are now

Cupid: hi friend

Fun Ghoul: Cherri? you up?

Kobra's Boyfriend: yes why

Fun Ghoul: plz kill Party for me

Kobra's Boyfriend: lemme check my schedule

Kobra's Boyfriend: and nope. I'm booked

Fun Ghoul: Cherri what do you even do

Cherri's Boyfriend: me

Cupid: KOBRA SHUT YOUR FUCK

Cupid: I'm too tired for this shit

Cupid: Wait Cherri where are you

Kobra's Boyfriend: out

Cupid: where

Cupid: TELL ME FRUIT FUCKER

Cherri's Boyfriend: hah. keeping that

Kobra's Boyfriend: I needed to talk to Chimp

Cherri's Boyfriend: and he can't go out in the desert on his own

Cupid: so I'm just stuck here with Jet and Ghoul's sleeping datemate?

Show Pony: aight fuckers what's happening

Show Pony: Hey Kobra you found that guy yet

Cupid: Guy? What happened to Chimp?

Cherri's Boyfriend: PONY YOU DUMBASS

Cherri's Boyfriend has removed Cupid from the chat

Chapter Text

Cherri's Boyfriend has added Kobra's Boyfriend, News a-Go-Go, and DJ Hot Chimp to a chat

News a-Go-Go: Wait what's going on who are you

Kobra's Boyfriend: Relax Newsie, it's me Cherri.

DJ Hot Chimp: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DJ Hot Chimp: YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY TOGETHER

DJ Hot Chimp: I'M SO EXCITED

News a-Go-Go has changed their name to Newsie

DJ Hot Chimp: Oh yeah Newsie you owe me 10 carbons

Newsie: dammit.

DJ Hot Chimp has changed their name to The Hottest Chimp

The Hottest Chimp: much better

Newsie: Anyway what do you guys want?

Cherri's Boyfriend: Well, you guys know that my brother isn't exactly, you know, a Casanova

The Hottest Chimp: He can't look a cute guy in the eye without getting hard

Cherri's Boyfriend: suck my dick Chimp

The Hottest Chimp: You don't even have one

Cherri's Boyfriend: true

Cherri's Boyfriend: Cherri, can you steal a dick from Tommy for me?

Kobra's Boyfriend: sorry babe, he doesn't have any extras

Kobra's Boyfriend: I'll just have to give you mine

The Hottest Chimp: DAMN SON

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Cherri's Boyfriend: guys halp

Show Pony: like hell I will

Show Pony: what happened

Cherri's Boyfriend: so Cherri here says I have great taste in music, asks if he can play one of my tracks on his broadcast

Token Ace: and the problem is…?

Cherri's Boyfriend: HE TOOK THE FUCKING SHREK SOUNDTRACK

Cherri's Boyfriend: I DID NOT GET MY MEME HISTORY DEGREE TO BE DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS

Fun Ghoul: Kobra your degree is a piece of cardboard that says "congrations you done it"

Cherri's Boyfriend has changed his name to Snek Child

Snek Child: heck off

Snek Child: Dr. D made it special for me

Show Pony: I helped

Kobra's Boyfriend: I could tell. There's enough glitter to light up the city.

Kobra's Boyfriend: wait

Kobra's Boyfriend has changed his name to Sweet Cherri Pie

Sweet Cherri Pie: As long as we're doing name puns

Show Pony: you get me, Cherri

Show Pony has changed her name to Trick Horse

Fun Ghoul has changed his name to Vaffanculo Tutti

Token Ace has changed his name to Flying Star

Sweet Cherri Pie: wait what even is Shrek

Sweet Cherri Pie: and why did you spell snake wrong?

Trick Horse: Cherri wtf

Trick Horse: you are dating the foremost meme historian in the desert

Trick Horse: take a break from fucking and educate yourself

Flying Star: HOLY FRICK FRACK SNICK SNACK KICK BACK CRACKERJACK KNICK KNACK PADDYWHACK

Flying Star: "take a break from f***ing" -Show Pony, 2k19

Flying Star: I'VE ALREADY SCREENSHOTTED AND SENT THIS TO DR. D

Flying Star: THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Vaffanculo Tutti: dude calm your dick

Flying Star: don't call me dude I am your gosh darn boyfriend

Trick Horse: holy shit Jet you really are excited

Snek Child: does this mean we can talk about dicks now?

Flying Star: ugh

Flying Star has left the chat

Snek Child: wow what a killjoy

Snek Child has been blocked from the chat

Chapter Text

The Hottest Chimp: previously discussed gayness aside

The Hottest Chimp: Kobra what was that about your brother

Snek Child: oh yeah he needs a boyfriend

Newsie: Not that I disagree, but why?

Snek Child: He's living vicariously through me

Snek Child: and I don't like that thing

Snek Child: I don't like any things

Sweet Cherri Pie: except me

The Hottest Chimp: okay if you guys don't stop being gay right this second

Sweet Cherri Pie: *says Chimp while sitting in her gf's lap*

Snek Child: Cherri did you just spill salt

Sweet Cherri Pie has changed his name to Sweet'n'Salty

Snek Child: babe I'm so proud

Sweet'n'Salty: okay we can move on now

Sweet'n'Salty: Newsie, you look like you've got a sunburn you're blushing so hard.

Newsie: not the time, Cherri. Kobra, whachu need?

Snek Child: okay so I actually know a guy who likes Party

The Hottest Chimp: who doesn't

Snek Child: like, actually personally knows him and likes him.

Snek Child: and Party likes this guy too.

Snek Child: Problem is, he and I kinda got off speaking terms a while ago.

Snek Child: so....

Snek Child: who wants to help me kidnap my new brother-in-law?

Chapter Text

Private message from The Hottest Chimp to Cupid

The Hottest Chimp: Hey Party you're gay right?

Cupid: how dare

Cupid has changed his name to Suffering Bisexual

The Hottest Chimp: okay I see your point but you are into guys right

Suffering Bisexual: ... one could say so

Suffering Bisexual: in the same sense that one could also say Fun Ghoul is into Show Pony

Suffering Bisexual: (you didn't hear that from me)

The Hottest Chimp: I MCFUCKIN KNEW IT

The Hottest Chimp: (ofc not what do you take me for)

The Hottest Chimp: ANYWAYS

The Hottest Chimp: I fuckin hope you like guys cause Newsie and I got you a present

Suffering Bisexual: ...

The Hottest Chimp: your brother was some help I guess

Suffering Bisexual: give me a second


Private message from Suffering Bisexual to Snek Child

Suffering Bisexual: JOHN STANLEY MILLIGRAM

Suffering Bisexual: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU AND CHIMP PLANNING

Suffering Bisexual: I KNOW YOUR ONLINE YOU SURE AS FUCK BETTER NOT BE IGNORING ME

Snek Child: *you're

Snek Child has left the chat


Private message from Snek Child to Newsie

Snek Child: is he okay

Newsie: your brother, or your brother-in-law?

Snek Child: this was a mistake holy shit we're all gonna die

Snek Child: sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

Newsie: Kobra.

Newsie: It's okay.

Newsie: you don't have to apologize. We're all going to be fine.

Snek Child: no you're not they're gonna track him down and they're gonna find you and and and andandandanandandadn

Newsie: Johnny it's okay. No one is going to find us.

Newsie: Even if they did, do you honestly think anyone could get past my girl and me?

Snek Child:... you know my name?

Newsie: I'm a psychic sweetie. I know everything.

Newsie: My name's Maya in case you wanted to know.