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when you smile, sun shines

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One. 

It’s the second day of their tour in Seoul, the fans are screaming and Chanyeol feels higher than ever. He’s hot, so hot he’s sweating and the beads are running down his forehead into his eyes causing him to squint. He accepts a towel from Junmyeon before patting at his face, and if he flexes a little to show off his muscles well then that’s for him to know and the fans to notice.

He’s clad in a tight black t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to show off his biceps, the arms he’s been working on since last summer mostly for the fans but also for himself, giving his lanky body a bit more thickness and he’s all the more happier now, more confident than ever. (Minseok says this is a bad thing, but Chanyeol pretends not to hear him.)

Yixing is talking, somewhere between Korean and Mandarin and Baekhyun is pretending to translate behind him, resting his chin on Yixing's shoulder and getting almost every single Mandarin word wrong, beside them Jongin can’t stop giggling.

The spotlight above them brightens and Chanyeol winces from the light, looking away and directly to Kyungsoo who is staring at him with some kind of fervour, mischief in his eyes and a smile playing at his lips and oh. Game on.

Chanyeol smirks back, looks away and pretends he’s not interested, waiting for Kyungsoo to turn away towards a yelling Jongdae before he makes his move, sidestepping closer to him slowly and shushing the fans with a finger to his lips who have noticed what he’s doing.

Kyungsoo is looking ahead now, out towards the crowd which makes Chanyeol almost falter in his steps because Kyungsoo looks amazed, his facial expression akin to wonderment, the corners of his lips upturned ever so slightly and Chanyeol just kind of wants to gaze at him forever.

He is almost shoulder to shoulder with him and he leans over, around Kyungsoo’s back to tap his left arm but Kyungsoo notices, in fact he’s noticed all along what Chanyeol’s been trying to do and Chanyeol only realises this too late. Kyungsoo turns his head so quick that it scares the shit out of Chanyeol and he jumps out of his skin, his large hand clutching at his heart and laughing along with the fans that are screaming in response.

He looks up from the floor he’s currently residing on, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard Chanyeol thinks he can hear them move in his skull, but Kyungsoo holds out his hand for Chanyeol to take and pull him up back to his feet. (He notices Kyungsoo straining a little, Chanyeol’s heavier now and he may or may not be making it slightly more difficult for Kyungsoo as a bonus.)

Kyungsoo rests his hand gently on Chanyeol’s arm and pulls him over slowly to the rest of the members, the talks have nearly finished as Sehun is saying his thank you’s. Chanyeol looks down at Kyungsoo who is glancing up at him owlishly and then suddenly Kyungsoo breaks out into such a radiating smile that Chanyeol almost wants to turn away. Kyungsoo’s smile, so full of joy, of happiness, of love blinds him for a split second and he’s startled. This isn’t a smile for the camera, or the fans, it’s a smile just for him and he doesn’t know what to feel, or say.

Only Kyungsoo could render Chanyeol utterly speechless.

He brings the microphone up to his lips, waits for a lull in the conversation and speaks.

“Ah, D.O, I love you.”

He grins, half for the fans and half for Kyungsoo (maybe more 30% for the fans and 70% for Kyungsoo), and the other rolls his eyes again and lets go of Chanyeol’s arm only to hit him square in the chest and Chanyeol pretends to fall down again. 

Anything for the fans, he thinks, but more importantly…anything for Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

Two.

It’s been a week since their final tour date and they’ve been given a few days to rest before their next schedule. Most of the members spend that time sleeping, Jongin takes time to let his ankle rest and secretly (not so secretly) loves that all the other members dote on him, especially Junmyeon.

The dorm has been quiet, save for Yixing’s slow strum of his guitar and Baekhyun singing along, helping Yixing with a few fluffed Korean words every now and again, looking at (or rather pining after) Yixing when he doesn’t think anyone is noticing. Chanyeol notices.

Chanyeol also notices that Kyungsoo hasn’t been to their bedroom to sleep for the past two days and it worries him. On the third night, Chanyeol wakes up to a quietly snoring Jongin on the bunk above him, but an empty single bed opposite.

He’s chilly and the window is wide open, no doubt Jongin’s doing as that boy cannot sleep in anything above Freezing Cold. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and lets them adjust to the dark, stretching his arms above his head and ruffling his own hair. He takes out his phone from under his pillow, looks at the time, 3:23am, and sighs. The worry for Kyungsoo’s sleep schedule resurfaces, and he may as well go and look for him now he’s wide awake. He shoves on the oversized hoodie discarded at the end of his bed, and pads out into the living room to find Kyungsoo on the sofa watching the cooking channel. He’s dressed in loose grey sweatpants and one of Chanyeol’s old sweatshirts that doesn’t quite fit him anymore (but is still big on Kyungsoo) and Chanyeol smiles at the view.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” he begins, not moving from the doorway, leaning his head against the frame and crossing his arms, “it’s nearly 3:30am.”

“Yes thank you, talking clock,” Kyungsoo responds sarcastically, not lifting his eyes away from the cooking show. He looks exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes contrasting against his warm skin and Chanyeol just wants to run his thumbs over them softly, gently.

Chanyeol stifles a yawn, but a second hits him almost immediately and he brings up the back of his hand to rest over his mouth as a subdued moan escapes his lips, and the noise makes Kyungsoo turn away from the TV finally. The affectionate look he gives Chanyeol almost knocks him for six but he returns the gaze and walks over to his best friend, kneeling down in front of him and Kyungsoo’s eyes grow wide.

“Kyungsoo,” he begins, resting his hands atop Kyungsoo’s knees and he visibly stiffens. Chanyeol can see the other’s eyes avert away from his own back to the television and Chanyeol exhales deeply.

“You need to sleep. You can’t keep watching these shows all night and sleeping during the day, you know we’ve got a schedule next week and I don’t want you so exhausted you injure yourself.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, so he carries on. “We already have everyone running around after Jongin, we don’t want to add another injured one to the mix. Yixing’s already on the verge with his waist. Sehun practically had to lock the door and throw away the key yesterday to stop him going to the practice room.”

Kyungsoo seems to be pondering Chanyeol’s words, either that or he’s completely uninterested and Chanyeol hopes for his own ego it’s the former.

Kyungsoo groans quietly, defeated. “I can’t sleep,” he says eventually, and Chanyeol drops his head and breathes out slowly.

“I know, Soo, but you’ve really got to try. You’ve not been trying these past couple of nights and it’s making me anxious. I’m not going back without you.”

He lifts up his head and puffs out his chest almost comically to try and get a rise out of his friend. “If I have to drag you to bed then so be it.”

His choice of words makes Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise, a small smirk playing around at the corners of his mouth.

“I’m not going,” Kyungsoo says finally, “it’s too cold in there. Why do you care anyway? You always moan I mumble in my sleep.”

Chanyeol stands, and shrugs his shoulders. “Because you’re my best friend, Kyungsoo, and I love you. I’m worried for you. And I’ve kind of missed the mumbling.”

Silence. Strangely deafening. Chanyeol can’t stand it.

“Fine,” he adds, moving over the sofa and dropping himself down so hard it makes Kyungsoo bounce a little and Chanyeol suppresses a giggle. He manoeuvres himself and Kyungsoo with ease so his head is in Kyungsoo’s lap and his feet dangle off the edge of the sofa. “I’ll stay here then.”

“Yeol, I…” Kyungsoo starts in utter disbelief, but ultimately doesn’t say another word as he knows he’s lost this round. Chanyeol feels a hand carefully stroke his hair, and it makes his stomach churn with unknown feelings he’s too terrified to begin to even think about. So he swallows them down, closing his tired eyes and letting the hum of the television and Kyungsoo’s tender touch calm him to sleep. 

If he wakes up a few hours later with his head nestled against Kyungsoo’s soft stomach, and Kyungsoo’s hand resting on his nape, then so be it.

 

 

 

Three.

Chanyeol smells spaghetti.

More importantly, he smells Kyungsoo’s kimchi spaghetti, his mouth waters at the thought and he’s out of his bedroom and in the kitchen like a shot.

Kyungsoo has his back turned to Chanyeol, fussing over the stove with a spoon in one hand and the lid of the pan in the other, bringing the spoon up to his mouth to taste and humming in approval. Chanyeol coughs once to make his presence known but Kyungsoo still jumps, the spoon clattering to the ground and Kyungsoo curses low under his breath.

“Chanyeol…” he begins, and said man can tell the other has an insult on the tip of his tongue so he speaks before Kyungsoo can give his ego a battering.

“You’re cooking?” he asks, taking note of Kyungsoo’s navy apron, the glasses perched on the edge of his nose and the t-shirt he’s wearing making his shoulders look impossibly small. 

Chanyeol just kind of wants to hug him until the night is done.

Kyungsoo shrugs. “Most of the others are out doing various things. It’s just us two tonight. I figured I’d give it a go again, I haven’t cooked in a while.” There’s a flicker of nostalgia apparent in his expression, and Chanyeol finds it strangely endearing, “It’s nice to be back in the kitchen.”

Chanyeol grins so wide that he shows Kyungsoo pretty much all of his teeth and Kyungsoo beams in response, looking down at the floor and shaking his head.

“Go and sit at the table, Chanyeol, stop distracting me. You know I’m good with knives.”

Chanyeol ignores the empty threat and walks up to the kitchen counter, taking one of the smaller knives from the knife block and grabbing the tomatoes. “I’ll chop, you stir.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, so Chanyeol tentatively takes that as a yes and gets to work.

Chanyeol is good at cooking, but the kitchen isn’t the largest and there’s only a certain amount of space to cook due to the members’ various appliances dotted around the place. Why they need two coffee machines is beyond Chanyeol’s belief, but he’s questioned it before and it got rebutted, so he hasn’t mentioned it since.

 

After the third time Chanyeol elbows Kyungsoo by accident, Kyungsoo puts down his knife and points to the door.

“Out,” he says, stoic, and Chanyeol drops his hands to his side.

“Yes chef,” he responds slowly, mock pouting. Kyungsoo sighs and leans towards the taller, standing on his tiptoes so he can rest his temple against Chanyeol’s, butting his head gently.

“Go set up the table. I’ll bring through the food in a few minutes.”

“Yes chef!” Chanyeol says with more enthusiasm, grabbing the plates and cutlery on the way out and setting up the table for two. He kind of wants to grab one of Junmyeon’s candles to place in the middle of the table for an added bonus and a joke, but he kind of likes his arms bruise-free so he decides against it.

 

Kyungsoo brings out the food five minutes later and rests it on the table, taking off his apron and putting it down onto the chair beside him.

“I thought you said it was just the two of us?” Chanyeol asks, looking down at the masses of food, and Kyungsoo looks around expecting a third person to be here.

“It is just us two?” He responds, a quizzical look on his face and Chanyeol tilts his head in confusion.

“But you’ve cooked enough food for most of the dorm.”

He half expects Kyungsoo to make an offhand comment like ‘more food for a growing boy’, ‘twelve year olds need all the energy they can get’, ‘if you eat enough you’ll sleep for longer later so I don’t have to put up with your incessant nattering’, but Kyungsoo makes no such comment and instead drags the bowl of spaghetti closer to him so he can take some for himself.

“I know you like it,” he mumbles eventually, not looking at Chanyeol, and Chanyeol’s heart feels like it’s about to burst.

Instead of responding, he starts eating, taking the first bite and letting out an almost obscene moan at the taste. He always forgets how good Kyungsoo’s kimchi spaghetti is until he’s eating it. The tips of Kyungsoo’s ears turn red, and there’s a faint pink flush on his cheeks to which Chanyeol thinks is the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“Soo, this is so good. You have to make this always. I love it. I love you.” He takes another bite and moans again, careful not to chew with his mouth open because he knows that’s Kyungsoo’s number one pet peeve and he doesn’t want to ruin the atmosphere.

“Shut up and eat your dinner,” Kyungsoo responds eventually, but there’s no weight behind his words so Chanyeol does exactly that.

 

 

 

Four.

Chanyeol can see Sehun show Kyungsoo his phone out of the corner of his eye and before he can get up and bolt out of the door, Kyungsoo gets up so quick from his chair, the look in his eyes so deadly, it kind of glues Chanyeol to his seat.

“Delete it.”

“But Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol whines, pouting. He goes to hide the phone in his hand but Kyungsoo catches wind of what he’s doing, and he grabs a hold of Chanyeol’s wrist and doesn’t let go.

“I said. Delete it.”

“But you look so cute! Did Sehun show you the wrong photo? You look so cute Kyungsoo.”

The photo in question is one that Chanyeol posted on his Instagram ten minutes ago with the caption ‘Kyungsoo-yah sleeping, adorable yes????????’ And a bunch of angel emojis tagged after it with the hashtag #pleasedontkillmekyungsoo. Within seconds it has thousands of likes, comments calling Kyungsoo precious and beautiful, and so far he’s not disagreed with a single one he’s seen.

Sehun, the little shit stirrer, is sat at the opposite end of the dressing room practically crying with laughter, and Junmyeon has to tell him to chill otherwise his eyeliner will run. He’s already forgotten he’s wearing it and rubbed it off almost twice.

Kyungsoo practically straddles Chanyeol in a bid to get to the phone, but Chanyeol is having none of it and hides it behind his back like the kid he is, bringing his hand back around and shoving both of them in Kyungsoo’s face.

“I don’t have anything, see? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ah Chanyeol, you’re such a child,” Kyungsoo comments, one of his small hands wrapping around Chanyeol’s neck but not pressing down completely.

They wrestle for a couple of seconds longer before Baekhyun takes a few steps into the room after having his makeup done, takes one look at them and exclaims “Wow, you could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife!” Before walking straight back out again as if he’d never been there in the first place.

Kyungsoo slowly climbs off Chanyeol and Chanyeol kind of wants to moan at the loss in his lap but he says nothing, and lets him leave. Kyungsoo doesn’t mention the picture again, but fifteen minutes later there’s a photo of Chanyeol in the middle of sneezing posted on Sehun’s Instagram.

“Pick a side already!” he groans at Sehun, who just starts laughing again.

Junmyeon puts his heads in his hands which, if anything, sets Sehun off even more.

Chanyeol is going to kill him later.

 

 

It’s interview time and they’re sat four in front, five behind and Chanyeol is in front of Kyungsoo, leaning back every now and again as the interviewer is talking to make Kyungsoo wobble slightly in his seat.

The topic of acting is brought up, Chanyeol’s recent role, Junmyeon’s web drama and Kyungsoo’s upcoming military film. Kyungsoo talks about his acting with such humbleness that Chanyeol kind of wants to shut him up and make him sit there whilst he compliments him for days.

“D.O is really good!” He begins, looking up and back at Kyungsoo whose face is upside down to him but Chanyeol can tell is smiling, “I’ve watched everything he’s been in, even the small roles and he’s really good at everything. I can’t wait to see him act more in the future.”

Junmyeon beside him laughs, and it catches Chanyeol off-guard. “Are you D.O’s fan?” Junmyeon says between giggles and Chanyeol shrugs and nods like it’s the easiest question to answer in the world.

“Yes, I love D.O and his acting! We see a completely different side of him when he's on screen, he can be quiet and not very talkative back at the dorm. He’s been smiling a lot more recently though, I like that.” He faces the interviewer once more.

“It sounds like you have a good friendship,” she comments, roaming her eyes to Kyungsoo and then back to Chanyeol, and he nods at her enthusiastically.

“He’ll always go back to D.O,” Jongdae comments, and the members all laugh in unison. Chanyeol laughs too but he realises that… well that’s kind of true.

He always looks for Kyungsoo when he’s not there. He always turns to laugh along with Kyungsoo when something funny happens. He always goes to Kyungsoo to help him clean up a dance move he can’t quite get right, or ask him his opinion on a new song he’s made or help him sharpen up his vocals.

He always goes back to Kyungsoo.

His smile falters a little, but Kyungsoo squeezes his shoulder, strokes his thumb so quick and light against Chanyeol’s neck that the camera will most definitely miss it. It’s an affectionate move and Chanyeol can feel his heart in his throat, he swallows and puts his game face on for the camera as the interview continues. 

Oh no, he thinks, I’m fucked.

 

 

 

Five.

They have the night off. No schedules for the weekend, no practice tomorrow morning, no early wake up calls.

Baekhyun twists Junmyeon’s arm, compliments him sweetly until Junmyeon says yes to an alcohol laced movie marathon as a group, and Sehun almost yips with glee and hugs the leader tightly, to which a faint pink blush spreads over his cheeks causing Jongdae to notice and spend the next half an hour mocking.

The living room isn’t the biggest...there isn’t enough space in their bedrooms so there’s clothes racks all along one side, and Minseok has to climb over boxes of shoes to get to the DVD shelf.

He goes for a rom-com which Baekhyun notices and before he even lays a finger on the DVD case, Baekhyun is up like lightning, knocking Yixing over in the process and grabbing Minseok’s wrist before he touches it.

“No,” he pleads, and Chanyeol almost wants to gag at Baekhyun’s doe-eyes, “no romance. I want something with big explosions and bad guys.”

“Big explosions and bad guys,” Minseok repeats, grabbing a Marvel movie from Kyungsoo’s DVD shelf and taking it over to the TV, “you’re such a kid.”

Baekhyun laughs and grins in response, pulling Yixing up from the floor onto the sofa seat beside him and snuggling into him, gripping onto Yixing's arm and gazing up at him. “I just need looking after,” he says, and Minseok pretends to wretch.

Chanyeol leans over Kyungsoo to give Minseok some popcorn, laughing at the situation and Minseok nudges Kyungsoo. “Hit him for me,” Minseok says to him, and without even looking Kyungsoo slaps Chanyeol’s bare arm, who flinches at the pain.

“Soo that really hurt,” he says pouting although it didn’t really, not a lot anyway he just likes to play up to the drama, but Kyungsoo scoffs and turns towards the TV as the movie starts playing.

A minute later Chanyeol feels Kyungsoo stroke the reddening area of his arm as if to soothe the pain. His stomach begins to feel funny but a split second later the hand is gone, so Chanyeol settles further into the sofa to watch the movie, although he doesn’t really pay any attention.

 

 

They’re the last two on the sofas, the rest having gone to bed from pure exhaustion (Jongdae practically having to manhandle to Sehun to his bedroom...although Chanyeol isn’t sure whether that’s from tiredness or just pure laziness) and he looks over to nudge Kyungsoo and tell him to get to bed.

Kyungsoo is sound asleep, his mouth open slightly and he looks so peaceful Chanyeol kind of wants to take a picture and keep it for as long as Kyungsoo lets him. (Which, he thinks, won’t be long. Not after last time.) His hair is soft, freshly showered that morning and his eyelids are fluttering ever so lightly as if he’s dreaming.

Chanyeol can’t help it...he lifts his hand and strokes the pad of his thumb gently across Kyungsoo’s cheek and Kyungsoo stirs. Chanyeol drops his hand quick as a flash and shakes his head, idiot Chanyeol, you have no right to touch.

He stands up, stretching his long body so his bones crack then he begins to walk around the dorm to turn various lights off, eventually stopping by the kitchen. He notices the door is ajar, and moves to open it but he hears whispering and he’s curious, having thought everyone had gone to bed. He opens the door slightly, peering through the crack to the offenders.

Yixing has Baekhyun backed up against the counter-top, Baekhyun’s head is angled down to the floor but he’s smiling, shaking his head and looking back up at Yixing with such adoration in his eyes Chanyeol almost takes a step back out of pure shock.

Yixing’s hand comes up to hold Baekhyun’s cheek and he leans forward, capturing Baekhyun’s lips with his and kisses him slowly, Baekhyun kissing back with such tentativeness, almost as if he’s scared he’ll make some kind of sharp movement and Yixing will run away.

Chanyeol isn’t surprised. He kind of feels empty, a sense of longing, an ache in his chest and it scares him so much his eyes sting and he leaves almost immediately, returning to the living room to an awake, but barely conscious Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo notices Chanyeol’s distant eyes and he stands up, the blanket around his shoulders falling to the ground with a soft thud but it goes unnoticed as Kyungsoo steps over it and rests a hand on Chanyeol’s arm. He looks up, straight into Chanyeol’s eyes and Chanyeol... 

Chanyeol wants to kiss him.

He wants to be as bold as Yixing. He wants to kiss Kyungsoo so bad it almost hurts, he wants to hold Kyungsoo’s hand, and cook him breakfast, buy him coffee and caress his cheek because he can, and he’s allowed.

Kyungsoo has apparently asked if Chanyeol is okay, because he takes a step back and Chanyeol feels cold, no Kyungsoo, come back here, and he repeats the question with a worried frown.

There are so many things he wants to say, so many things he can't say, and this isn’t him, what the hell. Chanyeol, usually so vocal of his adoration for Kyungsoo, for anyone really and yet he cannot form any words at all, and Kyungsoo is starting to look a bit freaked out.

“Yeol...” Kyungsoo murmurs, almost begs and Chanyeol can’t help but think he looks so cute, all sleep-soft and warm and Chanyeol wants to reach out and touch, hold and never let go.

Chanyeol kind of breaks.

“Kyungsoo, you know I love you, right?”

The other breathes a sigh of relief and huffs out a small laugh, and Chanyeol’s heart soars. This confession is going a lot easier than expected. He doesn’t know why dramas keep telling him different.

“I know, Chanyeol, you tell me all the time. We’re best friends, I’d expect nothing less.”

Chanyeol’s stomach drops to the floor and his legs feel so unsteady he almost drops with it. He shakes his head almost furiously and takes two steps forward, holding Kyungsoo’s hands in his own and he looks him square in the eyes.

“No Kyungsoo, you know I love you, right? You know I love you.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Yes Chanyeol, how many times do you need to repeat it? I get it, you love me, I…” 

He’s not getting it. He’s not getting it and Chanyeol is frustrated. He wants to rip his own hair out, shove his words back down his throat, run away and hide. 

“Kyungsoo, I love you.” He says it with such finality and stability that it startles even himself, and Kyungsoo’s eyes grow so wide they almost pop out of his skull.

He gets it.  

Chanyeol wants to close those last few steps and kiss Kyungsoo until the sun comes up but Baekhyun and Yixing walk through the living room, silent but holding hands, straight into Baekhyun’s room at the end of the hall and they close the door.

The interruption breaks the moment between him and Kyungsoo and he’ll get Baekhyun in the morning for this, but he looks back at a frankly terrified looking Kyungsoo and…

Rejection.

Chanyeol’s never been rejected before. Not like this anyway. It’s a strange feeling, like a thousand tiny birds pecking at his insides and having his limbs pulled in all different directions at once. He wants to both sit down and run away, look at Kyungsoo but also never look at him again.

“Chanyeol, I’m…”

Chanyeol waves his hand to shush Kyungsoo, and he smiles softly at at the other man who just stares back.

He lets himself be hurt for a second, then composes himself and steps away. Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to reach out and Chanyeol is hopeful for just a second longer but Kyungsoo stops, drops his hand back to his side and that’s where it stays.

“It's fine! It’s late, I’m off to bed,” Chanyeol says quickly, his voice cracking at the end to which Kyungsoo winces, but doesn’t say anything further. Chanyeol feels awkward and out of place, so he leaves Kyungsoo standing in the middle of the room and doesn’t look back.

He sleeps in Sehun’s room that night.

 

 

 

+ One. 

Chanyeol thought he was in love once.

A girl at his church with long, black hair and pretty brown eyes. She had the sweetest voice and the loveliest demeanour, and Chanyeol took one look at her and thought it was love.

He doesn’t really know what love is, to be honest.

He does know however that he’s been watching too many of Minseok’s romantic movies. His entire life is beginning to sound like a cliche and frankly he’s tired of it. 

He skips breakfast with the members the next morning, blaming a headache which is technically true. Jongdae and Baekhyun walk into the room around midday and Jongdae feels Chanyeol’s head with the back of his hand.

“He does feel pretty hot,” Jongdae says, looking back at Baekhyun whose arms are crossed over his chest. He's peering down at Chanyeol like some kind of disappointed teacher.

“That’s not a temperature, that’s the hot air in his head as a replacement for his brain. Come on Chanyeol,” he whines and Chanyeol hates it when he does that. He blames Jongdae. “You promised we’d play Overwatch.”

“Go play it with Kyungsoo if you’re that needy, you know you’ve got him just as hooked,” he responds, ignoring the way his voice almost breaks at that name.

Baekhyun huffs and storms out like a five year old child and Jongdae just laughs, hands Chanyeol a couple of painkillers and cracks the window open in the room.

“If you feel up to it then come eat lunch with us. You can’t just sit around here moping all day and feeling sorry for yourself.”

Chanyeol slumps back under the covers until Sehun barges in a few hours later and demands his bed to take a nap. 

The next couple of days are just non stop practising for an upcoming concert they have in Japan, Chanyeol feels constantly uncomfortable from the heat and the sweat to the point he takes two or three showers a day just to feel cool again. There’s not really any time for talking, or joking, or wallowing in his own self pity in the lead up to concerts like this and he goes to bed absolutely shattered every night to wake up early again and repeat the same actions as the day before.

He doesn’t really talk to Kyungsoo, or anyone for that matter, and although he catches Kyungsoo giving him short looks across the room and then quickly turning away like he’d never noticed Chanyeol in the first place, Chanyeol just feels a bit numb to it all to be honest. 

His confession was too much. He’s too much. He’s learned his lesson, he knows not to be so blunt next time. 

The concert goes by without a hitch. Chanyeol is just as touchy feely with Kyungsoo on stage as normal, the fans go wild for it and Chanyeol has always been a people pleaser. He certainly knows how to fake a smile when needs be but the sad thing is, so does Kyungsoo.

The members notice something’s up between them but they don’t really say anything, just acknowledge the fact that Chanyeol seems quieter than usual, or Kyungsoo seems distant. Chanyeol just wants to talk to Kyungsoo, to say he’s sorry and that he didn’t mean it even though he did and that he promises never to say he loves Kyungsoo again, he’s just a naturally affectionate person and this got a little out of hand…

But he’s scared. And not like Chanyeol Scared, that dramatic kind of scared he gets when anything within two feet of him moves and he jumps out of his skin, or when he sees a roller coaster or anything remotely spicy, but like genuinely scared. And he’s scared at the fact he’s scared. He’s a mess, basically.

 

 

Eight days have passed now since his confession to Kyungsoo, and they haven’t exchanged more than six words to each other in that time. Chanyeol blames it on their busy schedules, but it’s been two days since they’ve actually finished and Chanyeol comes to terms with the fact he’s a fucking coward. 

It’s midnight, his favourite time of the day and he’s in his studio, leaning back on the chair with his eyes closed, headphones on. His latest composition is sombre, sad almost and he hates the reality that Kyungsoo has infiltrated his music, his creativeness, his life, but most of all he hates himself for letting it get this far. 

There’s a tap on his shoulder and Chanyeol jumps so violently that the chair tips backwards and he lands flat on the floor, head hitting the ground so hard he sees stars for a brief second before he notices the face standing above him and yelling if he’s okay.

Why are you yelling? He wants to ask, his mind still slightly unfocused but then he realises his headphones are still on. He sits up slowly and takes them off, standing and placing them on the keyboard closest to him.

Kyungsoo is stood in front of him, in a simple forest green hoodie and those loose grey sweatpants he wears around the dorm and his hands are in his pockets, most likely cold from the chill outside.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, he’s missed Kyungsoo so much and he’s there right in front of him, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“Chanyeol, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Kyungsoo says eventually, after what feels like a lifetime of silence. He isn’t looking at him but Chanyeol doesn’t need to see Kyungsoo to know that he is on the verge of tears. He swallows down his fears and reaches out to bundle Kyungsoo into a hug so tight it’s hard to tell where his body ends and Kyungsoo’s begins.

“You’ve got absolutely nothing to be sorry about, Kyungsoo. You hear me? Nothing. I was just tired, and overwhelmed and a little emotional because I was so tired, I…”

Kyungsoo steps back from the hug and looks up at Chanyeol so quickly he flinches.

“So you didn’t mean it? You don’t mean it?”

Chanyeol smiles, a solemn yet sad smile and he tilts his head to the side, eyes focusing on Kyungsoo’s.

“I’ve always felt a little differently about you, Soo,” he says quietly, so unlike his nature. This has all been so unlike him to the point he almost resents Kyungsoo for making him feel this way. “From our little takoyaki dates, to our rides home on the train listening to music from your phone, debuting together…”

“I guess...I’ve always felt a little differently about you too,” Kyungsoo admits, “I remember the first day we met, you just kind of sat yourself down next to me and declared us friends, and I’ve not really wanted to leave your side since. You’re one of my best friends Chanyeol, you mean a lot to me.” 

Friends. Chanyeol can deal with that. He can deal with anything as long as it means he can talk to Kyungsoo again without the awkwardness, or sadness that he feels now.

“But...God, Chanyeol, you’re always there, I can’t seem to shake you, you’re like this constant thing in my life and it’s overwhelming, you’re so overwhelming and I…”

Chanyeol wants to puke. He braces himself for the rejection like a car crash, closes his eyes and holds his breath. Prepares for impact.

“And… Fuck, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo whispers, and Chanyeol opens his eyes just in time to see Kyungsoo take four steps forward and he crashes their mouths together, Kyungsoo is clawing at his waist to get nearer and Chanyeol kisses back with equal fervour, a hand coming up to cup Kyungsoo’s jaw and trail down his neck, stopping at his shoulder and pulling him impossibly close. 

The kiss doesn’t last for long but it’s long enough to make Chanyeol’s head swim, and Kyungsoo breaks apart for air and he’s panting.

Chanyeol knows he must look like an idiot. His cap is tilted on his head from the collision of Kyungsoo’s body against his, his mouth is slightly agape because he doesn’t really know what to do, his mind is completely blank and he can’t stop staring at Kyungsoo.

“Chanyeol I missed you so much, and I realised in that week…”

“Eight days,” Chanyeol mumbles and Kyungsoo gives him a death glare.

Eight days, that it wasn’t a friendly kind of miss. I missed your hugs. I missed all six hundred and eight of your teeth. I missed the way your tongue pokes through them when you smile. I missed you so much and I was so mad at myself for reacting that way, for not saying anything, I was just caught off-guard and...”

Chanyeol gathers Kyungsoo into another hug and kisses the top of his forehead endearingly. “It’s not your fault Kyungsoo it’s mine, I’m so sorry I was so forward, I was just thinking a lot recently...”

“That’s a new one,” Kyungsoo says and he can feel Kyungsoo smirk against his chest.

“Don’t be a dick, Soo, I’m trying to speak about all my feelings and stuff.”

Kyungsoo backs away slightly, still smiling and gestures for Chanyeol to carry on. “Feelings and stuff.”

“Yes, feelings and stuff. I was just thinking a lot recently and I couldn’t get you out of my mind and then I saw Baekhyun and Yixing kissing and I thought, hey, I want to do that with Kyungsoo, and then...”

Kyungsoo brings a hand up over Chanyeol’s mouth and stares in utter disbelief. “Baekhyun? And Yixing? Kissing? When?”

Chanyeol motions for Kyungsoo to drop his hand and he does, embarrassed. “That same night,” he says simply and Kyungsoo nods. He doesn’t really want to talk about it. Neither does Chanyeol, really.

“I’m so sorry for avoiding you. I had all these feelings and stuff and didn’t know how to express them, and then it all came out at once and suddenly there was nothing else for me to say. I didn’t know what to say to you, Kyungsoo. You looked so terrified.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, his face turns soft as he peers up at Chanyeol, such fondness in his eyes that Chanyeol almost wants to cry. He smiles instead, and Kyungsoo tiptoes, kissing Chanyeol on the bottom of the jaw once before manoeuvring them to the small sofa behind them. Chanyeol lands first, Kyungsoo straddling his thighs and Chanyeol’s hands immediately come to lay rest on Kyungsoo’s waist. He’s so full of warmth and affection for Kyungsoo that when Kyungsoo cups his face in his hands, Chanyeol closes the distance with a gentle kiss, running his tongue over Kyungsoo’s lips and earning a small gasp from the other in response. 

Chanyeol mentally vows to make Kyungsoo gasp into his mouth more often. 

They kiss for a while, slow and steady, before Kyungsoo breaks away and leans back onto Chanyeol’s thighs a little. His eyes never leave Chanyeol’s, and he brings his hands down to rest on Chanyeol’s neck.

“You know I love you, right? I think I always have,” Kyungsoo says softly, simply, and Chanyeol smiles so wide he’s worried for a second that his face might break in two.

He brings Kyungsoo’s face closer to his, not saying a word. They’re not kissing but Chanyeol can feel Kyungsoo’s breath mingle with his and that’s all he needs in this moment. He rests his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, feeling the warmth radiate off the other's tan skin and he’s the most content he’s ever been. 

Chanyeol always feels a lot of things. Adrenaline from the rush of being on stage. Contempt and satisfaction when he finally finishes a new song. Happiness when he plays video games with Baekhyun. Mischief when he picks on Sehun and Jongin.

But nothing has quite prepared him for this feeling when he’s with Kyungsoo. This mix of admiration and longing, devotion and pure affection for the man in front of him. Love, Chanyeol thinks. This is what love is. 

And Kyungsoo loves him too.

He kisses Kyungsoo once more, he can’t seem to get enough apparently, but that’s okay. It’s okay because he’s allowed to kiss, allowed to touch and feel and he loves it. He loves Kyungsoo.

 

And he thinks maybe that's the best feeling of all.