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Her to Him

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Luke's parting words are too heavy for Leia to process properly with the battle going on around her. She pushes them to the back of her mind and forces herself not to connect the dots about her family and more importantly her father. There are other things that she needs to focus on and distractions will get people killed. She's almost annoyed with Luke for saying anything but understands why he did. He may never have another chance for one thing. It gets locked in a box and she forgets and takes out her frustrations subconsciously on the soldiers standing between them and their goal.

It is only when she gets shot that the box bursts open and she remembers. My sister has it, my sister has it, my sister has it, and Luke is her brother and her feelings are wrong. Of course, she loves Han but Luke was different from Han in so many ways and so naive about the world despite his Jedi training. She has tried to let go of him and end things but she keeps being pulled back and maybe that has something to do with all of this too. They couldn't part because they were not meant to. Still, it is wrong and she doesn't want the knowledge Luke has given her, the weight that he has placed upon her already heavy shoulders. She felt guilty enough already about the way she let him into her bed when Han had lain frozen in the desert at the hands of her own father.

Luck is on their side and even with her being wounded they manage to get into the command centre and then get the shield down in time. All she can do then is press a bandage to her arm and watch the skies, hoping. She hopes for so many things. She hopes that the men and women she has sent up there will make it home, that the Death Star will be brought down, that the Emperor will somehow fail to escape and that Luke will get out before it is too late. She has no way of being sure that he has been taken up but somehow she can feel it, just like she can feel that he is still alive despite the explosions erupting from the battle station.

More of the Rebellion's ships erupt into flame but they take many of the Empire's with them and then suddenly one of the eruptions from the Death Star is different, like it is coming from its very bowels. Red flame scurries across the centre of the battle station and then the sky is blinding white as it explodes across the night sky. Leia can hear cheers all around her but her eyes remain fixed upon the sky, no smile upon her face. Then she feels it, a warm feeling in her stomach that somehow reassures her that Luke got out. He is alive.

Han pulls her into the celebrations but she can't let herself relax until she has seen him with her own eyes. She assures him Luke is her brother and nothing is going on between them and nothing will and it feels bitter on her tongue. Reports filter in of what happened up there and many seem certain that the Emperor and Vader both are dead. Part of her things she should feel something more than elation at the news but she can't. The news is too new, too raw and to her Vader is nothing more than the monster who was willing to torture her for information. Her father died while Vader stood behind her and did nothing.

When Luke does appear, she runs to him and launches herself into his arms. He crumbles under her weight and they nearly fall to the floor. She laughs but his face is tired and his eyes troubled. Clearly has feels differently than she. They can't say much before they are dragged back to the celebration and the way Luke sinks down onto a log worries Leia and sends her in search of food and a hot drink. He devours them greedily and doesn't look at her and she wonders how long he has known and how many times he came to her bed anyway. Perhaps they are just as bad as each other.

It is late into the night that they find time alone. Han is drunk on euphoria and drink and doesn't notice Luke take her hand and pull her out into the forest, away from the firelight and the noise. She knows that touch, and does nothing to stop Luke when he pulls her close and kisses her. He isn't gentle and Leia thinks to herself that frustration isn't an emotion Jedi's are meant to have but then Luke does so much that a good Jedi shouldn't. He is naive but not innocent.

"It is over. They are dead. Vader is dead," he breathes softly against her cheek and she buries herself in his chest and inhales his scent. He smells of ash and wet leaves and she shakes her head and laughs.

"No, it isn't. Not even close, farmboy," she says quietly, ignoring his comment about her father because she's still not ready and doesn't think she will be for a long time. "So, you're my brother. You shouldn't kiss me I'm your sister so you say. Not even as a celebration for victory would that kiss be ok."

"I have been doing a lot of things I shouldn't since I met you. I should never have been kissing you. Things will be different now but..."

"You can't let go either?" Leia asks.

"I should be able to. I'm a Jedi and I....I should be able to," Luke sighs, squeezing her to him before letting her go and taking several steps back. "We should go back. Our absence will be noted."

"It never has been before," Leia points out, He shakes his head and disappears into the darkness back towards the camp, leaving Leia with her thoughts. The knowledge changes nothing for her and Luke. It will only impact other people. Yes, it is wrong but it was wrong before and it didn't stop them then. She doubts very much that it will stop them now.

My sister has it. Yes, the force, the pull. It pulls him to her and her to him and they can't fight that.