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Making Amends

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You think you'd find Kevin Ryan curled up in Javier Esposito's arms the night Hal Lockwood was killed, proving no connection to his kidnapping and torture. You'd think the same about the night before their Captain's funeral. But this is not so, it's the night after the funeral and this is the third night. No, Javier Esposito is not comforting his partner while he holds him in his arms. See that would require actually being in the same room, better yet bed. True, Kevin Ryan is curled up somewhere under the covers in the king size bed in the master bedroom but that is not where Javier Esposito is at. No, Javier Esposito is nursing a beer in the spare bedroom across the hall, staring at nothing in particular, absentmindedly twisting the engagement ring around his finger.

Kevin also has a black eye and a large purplish bruise sure to appear on his pale back the following morning. He's also absolutely terrified. Lockwood was their only anything really, in terms of his case and now they have essentially nothing to go on. On top of that, tragedy had befallen their little 12th Precinct NYPD Homicide family. They'd lost Captain Montgomery that night too, he'd been knee deep in the conspiracy surrounding the death of Beckett's mom.

So why aren't they comforting each other? Kevin Ryan for the moment is scared of Javier Esposito and they both know it and they both feel as guilty as hell. Kevin for feeling this way and Javier, well Javier has every right to feel like crap too, because those fresh bruises blossoming on his partner's pale skin are his doing.

So there he lays in his spare bed, drunk, guilty and in a dark place all alone, hating himself. He'd let his temper flare and more than anything he wishes he could take it all back. He replays the scene in his mind over and over.

Javier stalks angrily away from the bar, his startled partner and the annoyed former cop, although he'd only glanced at it the image was seared in front of his eyes. ‘It can't be true, not him, never,’ he repeats this over and over in his head, willing the image to go away.

And then there is his partner, he hears the back door to the bar close and reopen before closing again, he knows he’s right behind him now.

“Hey!” Javier turns to face his partner, both of them coming to a stop. “You know it’s him. Montgomery’s our third cop. He’s the one who altered those records.” His heart breaks a little more, hearing and seeing the pain they’re both feeling in his partner. But it turns quickly to rage when he realizes that his partner has quickly turned on their beloved Captain.

“How can you even say that! How can you even think that! Montgomery brought us in on Homicide!” Javier yells, taking a few angry steps closer to his partner. “What have we got? A picture!”

Kevin steps closer too, further closing the gap between them. “Think about it! Why else did he want us to take Lockwood out? Because Lockwood leads us to him!” His voice is thick with anger as well but it vanishes, swallowed up by pain and betrayal. “He’s been lying to us! He’s been lying to us the whole time!”

Javier shakes his head in disbelief, turning away from his partner.

“Hey!” The anger is back and Kevin’s hand lands on Javier’s shoulder.

Javier doesn’t even think, he reacts. Instinct from years of service in the military and then as a member of the NYPD taking over. He whips around and slams his fist into Kevin’s eye. Kevin stumbles back, hand reaching up to cup his eye while Javier turns to continue stalking away.

Kevin cries out, but recovers quickly. Arms wrap around Javier’s waist before pulling him back and slamming his chest into the metal side of the delivery truck parked in the alley. Javier resists, forcing Kevin to flip him over onto his back. He slips free, using Kevin’s momentum against him. Javier pins Kevin to the truck by his face, using his body weight to hold him there. Javier brings his fist slowly up to the side of Kevin’s jaw, screaming with rage right in his face.

“Go ahead! Go ahead!” Kevin yells right back egging him on, despite the fear and panic in his eyes.

That’s when Javier realizes who this is, what he’s doing, all his anger vanishes in an instant. His grip loosens and he stumbles back in horror. He watches the fight drain from Kevin as well, leaving only pain, sorrow and fear in his eyes.

They'd texted Beckett and warned her before silently heading back to the precinct. A few hours later they found out Captain Montgomery was dead and so was Hal Lockwood. They'd also been told that Montgomery’s funeral was in three days.

“We need to talk, don't say anything about anything to anyone. Meet at my place tomorrow at noon.” That's what Beckett had said to them with tears in her eyes before they all went home.

They'd met that next afternoon and they'd gone over everything that had been revealed, making sure everyone was up to date and saying what they all already knew, nobody would ever find out, this all would never leave their little family of four. As far as the world would ever be concerned Roy Montgomery served his city and his country with honor, dying a hero's death, bringing down a cop killer. Although nobody said it out loud they all knew; Hal Lockwood was dead and they'd lost their only lead on Kevin's case.

The next day had been Montgomery’s funeral, Beckett was almost killed, Castle just barely pushed her in time, a bullet that would've entered her heart instead hit her shoulder. The shooter had vanished and the 12th’s entire Homicide Division had all been given a week off while things were sorted out. So here they are now.

The following morning finds Kevin the first awake, he eases his sore body out of bed and stumbles sleepily into the bathroom. He flushes the toilet before moving to wash his hands when he looks up he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he freezes. His eye is still an angry purple shade, although not as swollen. The other thing he notices is the pallor of his skin, it contrasts starkly with the bruise as well as the circles of darkness pooling under his eyes.

Kevin sighs, gripping the sink. Ever since that night in that alley with Javier almost four whole days ago they hadn't shared a bed or had much conversation since. The first night Kevin just wouldn't have it, he was scared of Javier and every night after that he began to feel better and heal. He gradually began to realize just how guilty Javier must be feeling but he wasn't ready just yet. Last night and the reason for his early rise though, the dreams had returned.

‘It's time to make amends,’ he decides, he can't go another night like this. He needs his partner.

Kevin shuffles out and across the hall before he quietly pushes the door open. Javier lays so still on his side in bed, a collection of empty beer bottles scattered on the floor, a bottle curled in his arm. Kevin picks his way over to the side Javier is facing before he eases the beer bottle out from underneath Javier before he himself climbs in to replace it, curling into his warm chest.

Kevin falls asleep minutes later, just before Javier wakes up. Javier notices the man sleeping in his arms and a happy grin forms on his face, it was finally time to be them again.


"Hey, babe, I'm gonna take a shower real quick. You wanna get Madden set up?" Kevin calls from down the hall.

Javier drops onto his couch, a grin spreading across his face, the thoughts running through his head filling him with joy. "Don't take forever just cuz you know I'll kick your ass."

Kevin's laughter rings out through the apartment and Javier closes his eyes momentarily, loving that sound. "In your dreams Javi!"

Javier hears the water turn on in the master bath as he finishes setting up the game. He picks up the remote and flips back to regular TV and the UFC match calling his name.

A few minutes later he reaches a commercial break so he rises to his feet. He walks barefoot across the tile into the kitchen as the water turns off, retrieving the beers and chips. Javier bends down to get a beer out of the bin in the fridge when he feels the barrel of a gun jam into his ribs. A cloth is pressed over his face and everything fades away.


Kevin turns the water off and reaches out blindly to grab his towel, once he has it in his grasp he pulls back the curtain and steps out. Kevin runs the towel over his hair, drying it, before combing it down flat against his scalp. Kevin sets that towel aside in favor for a larger one, which he runs over his body. Kevin reaches for his boxers but comes up empty.

Kevin shakes his head, wrapping his towel loosely around his waist he makes his way out and down the hall.

Kevin smiles instinctively as he catches sight of his boyfriend's form caught in the glow of the UFC match. "You know Javi, if you wanted me to be fast you should've left my clothes where I put them, in the bathroom."

Javier doesn't respond so Kevin approaches the couch. "Javi? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking, Kev," a voice replies, but it's not Javier's.

Kevin's blood freezes in his veins, he knows that voice. "No, no, no, no..."

He stumbles back from the couch as the figure stands and turns to face him, a sly grin spreading across his face. Shadow.

"J-Javi? Javi, help me, " whispers Kevin, his eyes wild with terror and panic.

No response. No Javier. Shadow chuckles and makes his way around the couch.

Kevin stumbles backwards, panicking. " Javi!? What have you done to him?"

Shadow advances as Kevin falls backwards, landing hard on the wood floor. "Javier is none of your concern right now, I am."

Shadow places a heavy boot on Kevin's chest, he leans down and strokes a finger down Kevin's cheek. Kevin freezes, the touch paralyzing him.

Shadow straightens before reaching into his pocket. Shadow pulls out a syringe and a vial. As Shadow fills the syringe Kevin catches sight of the letters K, E and T on the vial before it vanishes into Shadow's pocket.

Shadow leans down and Kevin feels the pinch as the needle works it's way into his neck before it empties its contents. Shadow removes the needle and steps back, pocketing the needle as well.

Kevin lays there for he has no clue how long as the drug works its way quickly through his system.

Kevin's world eventually turns fuzzy and blurry, it has a sort of dream like quality to it.

"Get up," orders Shadow, his voice muffled like it was coming from far away.

Kevin attempts to get up, roll over, sit up, move even, but finds he can't move anything but his head. He lifts his head to look at Shadow, realization hitting him. "Shitt. Thaat wuz Ketaamiine, wuzn't iit?"

Shadow only grins as Kevin flops his head back down, the effort of holding it up exhausting. "Aww, does my Kevin need some help? I got you," Shadow bends down and helps Kevin into a sitting position.

Kevin tries to protest against further help but finds he can only mumble blurry nonsense.

"Shh, Kevin, I've got you, you're okay," croons Shadow as he wraps his arms around Kevin's midsection, he hoists him up into his arms, laying him on his chest and shoulder. Shadow's hand cradles Kevin's ass as he carries him back down the hall, rubbing small circles through the towel.

Shadow props him up against the wall in the master bathroom and then walks out. He comes back a few minutes later, closing and locking the door, carrying with him a black duffel and Kevin's boxers. He sets the duffel down on the toilet and tosses Kevin's boxers in the sink, Kevin's towel follows a few seconds later.


Kevin internally shivers as he lays naked on the cold tile, cursing himself and Shadow out in his mind; why did he have to be so weak all the time?

Shadow produces a pair of police cuffs from the duffel before he crouches near Kevin. He lifts Kevin up onto his lap and closes one of the cuffs around Kevin's wrist. Shadow then hoists Kevin up until he can put the chain on the cuffs over the towel bar before he closes the metal around Kevin's other wrist. Shadow steps back and Kevin feels the pressure and pain build up suddenly in his wrists as his body is now suspended by the cuffs.

Shadow pulls out some rope and uses it to pull one of Kevin's legs to the side, he binds him that way to the rod in the shower wall used for washcloths. Shadow does the same with his other leg but uses the base of the toilet.

Shadow then steps back to admire his work. Although all his senses are blurry and his head droops against his chest Kevin is still able to register the predatory grin Shadow flashes him before he slips off his shoes and socks.

Shadow pulls his sweatshirt off next, then his tee. Next he slowly unbuttons and unzips his pants before those come off too. Shadow tosses his clothes in the sink with Kevin's boxers and towel before he pulls off his underwear as well.

Shadow walks closer to Kevin until he's standing between his legs before he drops to his hands and knees. Shadow crawls across the tile between Kevin's legs until he's within arms reach.


Kevin closes his eyes, trying to prepare himself for the hell he knows is coming next. He gasps slightly when he feels Shadow's hand stroking him, first gently then faster.

Shadow stops and places his hands on Kevin's shoulders, digging his nails into soft flesh. Shadow positions himself before he yanks on Kevin's shoulders at the same time he thrusts forwards. Kevin's eyes widen as he screams with pain and shock when Shadow forcefully enters his body all at once.

Shadow uses his grip on Kevin's shoulders to force Kevin's body to move with his. Shadow hits a sweet spot and a deep moan escapes Kevin's lips. Shadow grins wickedly before he hits that same spot again and again, Kevin throws his head back into the wall, a whine escaping him unbidden. Shadow hits that spot really hard and stars dance in front of Kevin's eyes.

After that everything remains fuzzy and numb. It must go on for an hour at least, and the next thing Kevin registers is Shadow removing himself. Shadow stands and unties one of Kevin's legs before he turns on the shower and steps inside. Kevin can tell the drug has begun to wear off just enough that he is able to drag his unbound leg close to his body.

Shadow steps out of the shower, leaving the water on and pulls his clothes back on. Shadow removes all the restraints from Kevin's body, letting said Irishman slump against the wall, unable to do much else.

Shadow pulls back the shower curtain and pulls the drain allowing the tub to fill with water. Shadow picks Kevin up again and he slips him into the hot water filled tub.

Shadow props him up in the shower and walks out of the bathroom, letting the hot water continue to fill the tub.

Shadow opens the spare room door and walks over to the bed where Javier Esposito lays unconscious. Shadow pulls several empty bottles of beer as well as a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass. He scatters the empty bottles around on the floor and tucks one in the crook of Esposito's arm. He props Javier up and pours about a fourth of the bottle down his throat before he pours a bit more than a splash in the glass, he places the glass as well as the bottle on the nightstand before he slams the door shut.

Shadow returns to the bathroom and turns off the water, which is now just under Kevin's chin and crouches near his head. Shadow pulls out a bottle of Jameson’s and helps Kevin drink about a fourth of it. Shadow leaves the bottle near the tub and stands, kissing the top of Kevin's head, he whispers. “Until next time, my love.”

When Javier and Kevin wake up they find themselves unable to remember exactly what had happened the night before but they assume based on the incomplete Madden game and the copious amounts of alcohol that they'd appeared to consume that they'd gotten into an argument. Although Kevin agrees with Javier he can't help but shake the feeling that something is off. The feeling that just maybe something else had happened to them.


As time passes they're soon back to their usual selves, at work and at home, the memory fades as well as the bruises. As they adjust to the new Captain things go back to normal at the 12th and for now everyone pushes the terrible events of the past few months to the back of their minds until new evidence arose.

End of Part 4