Chapter Text
Spamton G. Addison is a salesman. He and all his family have always worked in sales, from the very start of their line. Street corner posters, newspaper ads, catalogues, magazines, billboards, commercials, skywriting, banners, you name it. Spamton is one of the youngest of the bunch and as such has some newer ideas and much less experience than the others. His idea is to send advertisements out to the customers rather than wait for an opportunity when the customer comes to them. He also thinks it’s better to put out a wide variety of ads rather than sticking to one field. The problem is that his idea isn’t quite working out. Despite his charismatic nature, some people find his tactics quite bothersome and a little aggressive. He isn’t as subtle as his siblings or quite as smooth of a talker as his cousins. Spamton makes very few sales, but he is determined to make these ideas work. He sends catalogues to households, hands out flyers for businesses, and designs pop-ups and stealth ads for a myriad of products. Unfortunately for Spamton, people tend to brush him off or ignore him, so few companies want to collaborate with him. He has even been accused of being a scammer because he “doesn’t look the part of an Addison.”
Truthfully, Spamton has always looked a little different from the rest of his family. While his siblings each sport their own vibrant color, Spamton is cast in a blinding white with no color of his own. Each of the other siblings has beautiful hair that matches their tones, but his is unruly and inky black—the only Addison with a contrasting hair color. As a child his mom used to fuss with his hair forever just trying to get it to lay down. It took years for him to learn how to get it to lay down himself, but it still shoots up at odd angles sometimes if he isn’t careful. He has never found a way to get that inky color up to the rest of his white tone, even with code modifiers. If that wasn’t enough, Spamton is the shortest in the entire family. He stands just a few inches shorter than his relatives, but it’s enough to make him stand out from the rest of them. With all these differences, people have a tendency to look the other way when he comes around. Despite his uniform matching his family-colleagues, people don’t seem to take him seriously as a real Addison. The lack of sales doesn’t help.
It's a never-ending loop. Other Darkners think he’s not an Addison, they don’t work with him, because he has no sales he’s not seen as a real Addison, so then no one works with him. The occasional couponer or older person will bring him a sale, but it isn’t enough to live on. As it stands, he only gets by through working at their family office: the Addison’s Advertising Agency. Each member of the family specializes in a different field of advertising, but they are hired out of the same office. Before he passed, their father specialized in law services. Cat is the oldest, she’s pink-toned and works primarily in beauty but has recently taken over the family business. Billy and Banner are tied for second oldest as twins, though Billy is technically the older of the two. Billy is orange-toned and works for the toy industry while yellow-toned Banner handles construction. Last is Sky, who is blue-toned and his only younger sibling. She works with the arts: museums, dance studios, concerts, and the like. Spamton is the only one that has decided to try and become an advertiser of all-trades, which has become a point of contention with his older sister. Every Friday Spamton and his siblings go out to the local bar and grill to discuss the previous week, and every Friday Cat and Spamton have the same argument. One of them says something to set off the other, and the whole thing happens again.
“If you’d just pick a field to work in like the rest of us and focus on that, maybe you’d actually get a sale in instead of spending all day sending out those mail-in adverts nobody’s gonna look at.” Cat says harshly.
“Maybe I would but I’d just be stuck doing the same boring thing as everyone else always has. Nothing would change.” Spamton protests.
“Nothing needs to change. All of us are doing it this way for a reason Spam, these methods are tried and true.” Cat says, irritation in her voice.
“Just because it works doesn’t mean it can’t be better!” Spamton argues. “I can start making sales calls too, that’s gotta bring some money in.”
Cat laughs but there is no humor behind it. “You don’t even have a phone!”
“I can get one, no big deal.” He waves her off. “I’m gonna make this work and when I do, I’ll be a big shot. You’ll see.”
She scoffs. “What’s adding another form of contact gonna change about your lack of success so far?”
“Come on Cat, don’t you have a dream? Don’t you wanna make it big? Be remembered?”
Cat clenches her jaw. “What I want is for you pull your weight at the office. Spamton.” She spits.
Billy pipes up, head laid on the table. “Uuuugggghhhh! Guy’s we’ve been over this; can’t we just enjoy a night out for once?”
“Yeah, you two argue about this every Friday.” Banner adds, leaning on one hand with a bored expression.
Sky chimes in. “Why don’t you compromise? Spamton can pick one part of his idea and just do that instead of both.”
Spamton and Cat both look over. “So, like using the more direct method, but picking a single field to use it in?” Cat asks.
“Right, or using a less direct method and applying it to a wide array of fields.” Sky says sweetly, trying to deescalate things. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to work.
Cat sits back in her chair, crossing her arms. “I’m not convinced either of his ideas will work, people don’t want ads sent to their email.”
Spamton places his hands on the edge of the table. “I’m not going to change it anyway. My idea’s gonna work, as is, and I’m gonna prove it to you.” He pushes back from the table and stands from his chair. “You’re gonna eat your words, Cat.”
“Yeah, that’ll be the day.” She retorts, taking a sip from her glass.
Spamton walks out without another word.
“Spamton, wait.” Sky calls after him, but Banner catches her arm.
“Don’t bother, he’s probably just going to blow off some steam.”
“Yeah, let’s leave him be. He’ll come around eventually.” Billy adds.
Outside, Spamton makes his way back home. Fuming with his arms crossed, he mutters to himself. “I mean who do they think they are, treatin me like a child. I’m not some kid; I can handle myself. I am just as much of an Addison as any of them. I make sales, I just haven’t caught my big break is all. That’s it, and when that happens, I’ll show them just how successful an Addison I can be. I’m gonna be a real big shot, bigger than any a them, then they’ll be sorry.” Spamton kicks a can into a nearby alleyway, as he passes it, something catches his attention. Out of the corner of his eye he sees something glittering. Spamton turns to look and he spots a rotary phone sitting atop a cardboard box. Its black casing shines in the city lights, it almost looks as though there was a spotlight on it.
Huh, that’s odd. He thinks, taking a few steps into the alleyway. I was just talkin about needin a phone.
As Spamton approaches the phone, he can see its condition much more clearly. The casing looks to be in nearly perfect condition. There are a few marks on it here and there but nothing substantial. The receiver connection seems to be fully intact, and the plug-in chord is even wrapped up neatly. Nothing seems to be out of place.
“Who would throw away a phone in perfectly good condition? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this thing wants to be found.” He jokes to himself, something akin to a tugging sensation sits in his chest. The feeling pulls him closer to the rotary. Spamton looks around the alley for anyone else. “Well, maybe you’ll be my good luck charm, I could use some a that right now.” He chuckles, tucking the phone under his arm and heading the rest of the way home. In the morning Spamton sets his “new” phone up in the office. He places it on a table of its own next to his desk, the sight earning some teasing from his siblings.
“What d’you have there? Some new toy?” Banner teases from his chair.
“An old toy more like,” Billy chimes in from his desk across the room, “That thing is a relic. What, did you pick it up from a garage sale or steal it from some poor old lady?”
The two laugh, but Spamton looks unamused.
“Har har, very funny. Well just laugh it up you two, this thing is gonna change my luck.” Spamton says patting the phone receiver. “Just you wait and see.”
“Yeah right,” retorts Billy, “you say the same thing every week. Last time it was ‘lucky dice’ before that it was some mantra about bein a big shot, and prior to that it was that crummy old watch.” He stands and points to Spamton’s wrist, Spamton instinctively covers his watch. “And every time it doesn’t work, we gotta hear you whine about it.”
Banner pipes back up, moving to stand next to Billy. “Yeah, we’re tired of hearing you defend your hypothetical future fame at the grill every Friday.”
“Billy! Banner! Quit goofin off and come help me with this sign, will ya?” Cat calls from the front room.
“Yes mom.” Billy answers mockingly, rolling his eyes.
“You’re gonna wish mom was here if you don’t get over here!” Cat shouts. The two exchange a nervous glance and scramble off down the hall to help, it’s best not to get Cat too riled up. She’s always been headstrong, often acting like another parent for the siblings, and taking over the family business has all but encouraged those tendencies.
Sky takes a step into the room, leaning on the doorframe. “Do you really think that old thing’s gonna change your luck?” She asks, an edge of concern in her tone.
“Of course!” Spamton says with a smile. “I mean ya never know till ya try, right? I’m not done tryin yet.” He says, using his thumb to gesture at himself.
“About last night,” Sky says, moving further into the room. “why not try my suggestion? Wouldn’t that make things a lot easier on you?”
Spamton’s smile drops. “I’ve tried it you guys’ way already, you know that. It just doesn’t work for me.”
“Maybe you just haven’t found your thing yet.” She offered.
When each of the siblings became old enough, they were sent to shadow their relatives’ work to decide what they wanted to do. Spamton had tried working with each of his siblings, but every time there was something that just didn’t feel right. He and Cat would butt heads too much on what was best and Billy’s work in the toy industry didn’t feel substantial enough. Spamton had enjoyed the hands-on aspect of Banner’s work but there was no upward movement in it. Sky had found her field when their mother forced her and Spamton to attend dance classes to help promote a local dance studio. Spamton had spit and hissed about the whole thing, but Sky had taken to it like a duck to water. Although Spamton had secretly enjoyed some of the aspects of Sky’s work, it was different for her than it was for him. It was different for all of them.
Spamton’s brows furrow. “What if this is my thing Sky? If I’m gonna make it big I wanna do it my way. I wanna make my own path.”
Sky places a hand on Spamton’s shoulder. “Well, you deserve to have your big break just like the rest of us. I’m sure the tides will turn your way soon.” She drops her hand, walking back toward the door. “I’ll be working an expo today, let me know how making calls works out.”
Once Sky clears the room a phone begins to ring. Spamton turns to see that it’s his rotary phone. That same tugging feeling sits in his chest, pulling him toward the phone again. As Spamton lifts the receiver he can hear an odd sound coming through the other end.
“Addison Advertising Agency, this is Spamton. How can I help you?” The strange sound lingers for a moment before a voice clears through.
“It is I that would help you.” The voice says. “You seek a legacy; I can give you what you need. I have the insight, the information that can help you become a big shot.”
How would they…? Spamton thinks back to all the times he’s raved in public about making it big someday. Okay so maybe it’s not out of the ordinary for someone to know that’s something I want. “Who are you?”
“Someone that wants to help.” The voice answers. “In exchange I only ask for one thing.”
Spamton raises an eyebrow. “And that is?”
“Tell no one of me: my existence or the things I reveal. These are truths for you alone to know.”
Spamton knows enough as a salesman to realize that when a deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is. However…
I have been looking for my big break, maybe this is it. Maybe it’s just a retired salesman looking to pass down his knowledge. I mean what’s the harm in keeping one little secret? If the advice doesn’t work, then no big deal. Spamton reasons to himself. “Okay, I’ll take your deal.”
The voice laughs, it’s an unpleasant and disjointed sound. “Excellent. Let the path be set.” Whoever it is gives him information about people to sell to, businesses to work with, and advises on things to say. Using its advice Spamton makes all the sales that he usually makes over the course of a week by the end of that day. Calls were picked up, emails were answered, coupons and flyers were redeemed. Spamton tries not to get his hopes up, but he can’t help feeling a sense of pride.
There’s always a chance that things just happened to work out today and tomorrow might not go well; but a good day is a good day either way. Spamton hums to himself as he arranges a few things on his desk.
“What’re you so smiley about?” Banner asks. He and Billy have just returned from their work outside the office.
“I’ve made 5 sales today.” Spamton hums, continuing to straighten up his area.
“No, you haven’t.” Billy says, skeptical.
“See for yourself.” Spamton pulls out his receipt book for the day, each sale marked with the date neatly in the corner.
Billy approaches the desk, leaning forward to see the small print. “No way.”
Banner rushes forward and pushes Billy aside to see the booklet. “Really?”
Cat and Sky walk in together, evidently done with their work for the day as well. “What are you guys all huddled around for?” Sky asks.
“Spamton made 5 sales today!” The twins exclaim. Spamton’s grin breaks into a full-face smile as he shows off the booklet so that Sky and Cat can see.
“Really? That’s great, Spam!” Sky replies.
Cat is not quite as enthusiastic as the others. “So, you had a good day, big deal. I make hundreds of sales a day.” She says in a cold tone, crossing her arms as if to double down on the statement. Everyone looks between her and Spamton.
Spamton’s smile wavers for a moment, but holds firm. I’m not gonna let her ruin this for me. “Maybe so, but this shows that my ideas can work. Who knows, this may end up bein my big break.” He says, placing the receipt book back on his desk.
The same thing happens the next day: Spamton arrives at the office, is contacted by the voice, and then uses the information he gets to make sales. The wording is somewhat strange, but decidedly helpful. Spamton again makes 5 sales that day and uses his receipt book to antagonize Cat.
“A good day, was it?” He waves the receipt book at her as she comes in from the end of her workday. “How many till it becomes a good week?” He asks sarcastically.
“10 sales in a week is still nothing if you’re advertising in every category.” Cat replies.
“I have a feeling it won’t be just 10.” Spamton smirks.
Cat just rolls her eyes.
This pattern repeats throughout the week. Spamton is contacted by the mysterious voice each morning and teases Cat every afternoon when they are done with the workday. By the end of the day Friday, Spamton has made 35 sales—a good start. He’s over the moon, laughing and talking about big plans. Now that he has made a few adjustments to his methods, the future he wants doesn’t seem so impossible.
“Let’s have a round of drinks on me.” Spamton says as they take their usual seats.
Billy and Banner cheer, while Sky looks a little concerned. “You sure? I know you’ve had a good week but don’t get ahead of yourself.” She says.
“Relax Sky, I’m not gonna blow all my money on one night. I’m smarter than that.” Spamton says with a smile. “And I have a feelin next week is gonna be even better.” He winks.
Cat shifts in her seat, saying nothing.
Over the course of the next weeks Spamton’s success only grows. With help from his mysterious benefactor, each week is even better than the last. Spamton goes from being the only one at the office without a gig to having calls and mail constantly flowing in and out from his adverts. The voice continues to ask only for Spamton’s silence in return for his escalating success. The information and insights that it gives can be as specific as a potential client’s contact and preferences, or as vague as recommending smiling throughout interactions. Sometimes the information turns out to be much more…accurate to Spamton’s encounters than he would like. More than once the voice has told him something that was repeated by a client word for word.
It's almost as if whoever it is knows what’s goin to happen ahead a time, but that’s impossible. No one can know the future.
Spamton’s thoughts are interrupted by Billy and Banner leaning against the front of his desk. “So, how’d you do it?” Banner asks.
“Yeah, how’d you turn things around so quickly?” Billy adds.
“I just adjusted my methods a little, that’s all.” Spamton smiles. “Sometimes persistence is all it takes.”
“You had to have done something, no one makes this kind of turn around that fast.” Banner says, insistent.
“Yeah, what’s your secret Spam? You’re outselling most of us now.” Billy presses.
Spamton reaches up to scratch his neck, it feels like there’s something closing in on him. Probably just nerves. “There’s really no secret guys, just hard work and good luck—the right method for the right crowd.” He laughs nervously.
“Leave him be.” Cat calls from the doorway. “This bought of success will dry up soon anyway, then he’ll be just like the rest of us. We don’t need his help making sales.” She states flatly.
“Excuse me?” Spamton says, standing from his chair. There’s irritation laced in his voice. Billy and Banner pull away to the edges of the room. “Shouldn’t you be happy? I’m ‘finally pulling my weight’ and I’m bringing positive attention to the company, so what’s your problem?”
Cat takes a few strides further into the room. “What’s my problem? What’s your problem?! Your desk is a mess, you spend all day on that stupid phone, and you never listen. Just because you’ve hit some success lately doesn’t mean you’re some big shot now.” She has reached the desk now, standing only a few feet from Spamton. “You are not any better than the rest of us. We don’t need your help.” She spits.
“When have I ever said I was better than you?” Spamton demands, voice raising. “I’m just tryin to do my job.”
“Just tryin to do your job?” Cat laughs, “That is rich. When have you ever just done your job Spamton? All you ever do is play around with your stupid ideas. And you don’t have to say it, we can tell.”
Spamton slams his hands down on the desk. “Well, my ‘stupid ideas’ are outselling you every day of the week!”
Cat’s smile drops.
“And how exactly can you ‘tell’ that I think I’m better? Is it because I’m actually happier now or is it because you can’t stand not bein in control of your loser brother anymore?”
“How dare y— “
“Newsflash Cat. We are not your little puppets that you can just make do whatever you want. I am not going to put up with it anymore, I’m done lettin you push me around.” Spamton grabs the rotary phone and few small things off his desk.
“What are you doing?” Cat demands.
“You said you don’t need me, so I’m leaving.” Spamton states plainly, walking around the desk and toward the door.
Cat crosses her arms. “And where exactly do you think you’re going?”
Spamton smirks, turning over his shoulder to look at Cat. “To Queen’s mansion. I’ve been offered a spot there.” He says waving an envelope with a broken seal, Queen’s seal.