Years of blood, sweat, and tears with an endless amount of grief and loss. First it was their Mother then their father, from hard ass Ellen to an old soul that had once belonged to Bobby. It seems as if pain and suffering is all they’ve known so when something good comes into their life, you’d think they would notice. But no, not the Winchesters. Especially Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t notice how Castiel can make things better, how he can make things good. Maybe it’s because Dean doesn’t recognize it or maybe he thinks that he doesn’t deserve him so he does all that he knows, ignores the possibility. And not to mention his stubborn ass tactic to recognize that Cas is a freakin’ dude. Like I said a stubborn ass, Castiel is just simply made up of angelic light and matter that’s crammed into a vessel he’s not a guy but he’s not necessarily a girl either. Simple right? Wrong.
Dean has to go around putting labels on everything so there is another obstacle in the way but more like an excuse because if he can fool himself then he can fool everyone else except for his little brother of course. Sam Winchester, with his bitch face and I-think-we-need-to-talk-about-our-feelings expressions. Then there’s the worst one, the one that can get you talking, the puppy dog look, just one glance and it can make you forget you were even made or upset with him. But it doesn’t really go far past humans. It made Dean smile at how ridiculous it would be if he pulled that on a demon. Completely ridiculous. But although Dean doesn’t believe that he deserves happiness the obvious truth is that he does and even god knows it. That’s probably why he place him and Sam on that plane and wiped Sam clean of the demon blood a few years back during the apocalypse. And now Dean gets hardly any sleep because of the nightmares that taunt him, but secretly there’s one that stands out. Castiel going into the water and not coming back only leaving his trench coat behind. Maybe he’s dead, maybe he’s not. Dean constantly thinks about this but of course there is that strong feeling that we all have in the end and that my friend is hope.
Dean hopes that he’s alive, Dean hopes that he’ll come back even though there’s not a snowballs chance, he always will. And truth be told he misses Cas with his “I-don’t-understand-that reference” and “It’s-not-of-import” phrases. And god damn it if Dean believes that that son of a bitch is truly gone because Dean refuses to believe it. He won’t believe it, he’s Dean Winchester and he has fought his demons before (most of the time literally) and he never gave up then and he’ll be damned if he starts now. There’s no chance in hell he will give up on Cas, his Angel.