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I Loved You First

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"Please, put the gun down! Don't involve my mother!" I looked over at the man pressing the tip of his gun to my mother's temple. The leader, Miles, walked up to me and lifted my chin so I could look at him. "Sweet girl, are you an idiot? You're mother owes me a lot of money!" He spat. He let go of my chin and walked over to my mother. "Please, Miles, I'll have your money by Thursday!" My mother pleaded. He smacked her across the face. I gasped. "How about we just kill you? Your life will fulfill your debt!" He took his gun out of his jacket and pointed it at my mother. "Please! Shoot me instead! Just please leave her be!" I cried. He turned back to me, never turning his gun away from her forehead. "She owes me, not you." He growls. "Járnsaxa, I love you so much." My mother whispered. "Is there anything you'd like to say to your mom before I shoot her?" Miles asked me. "I love you mother. I love you so much!" I sobbed. "Goodbye." She said.

The next part was a complete blur. I remember hearing a gunshot and my heart in my ears. I fell out of my chair, screaming. Everything was in slow motion.

"No!" I shot up in my bed. I wiped away warm beads of sweat from my forehead. My mother has been dead for six months and I still had nightmares about it. I sighed and quietly got out of bed. I stretched and went over to the patio door. I unlocked it and slowly slid it open. The air was crisp. It was warm, but with a cool breeze. I left the patio door open and curled up in the one chair on my patio. I leaned my head back and sighed.

My mother was everything to me. She was my best friend and only family I had. I never knew my father, but my mother had always said he was a bad man.

When I was about 17 she found a man named Miles who gave her $100,000 but she would have to pay it off in five years. That didn't happen. She never got the money back and that's why he killed her at the end of the five years.

I got up and went back inside. I slid the patio door closed and locked it back. I sat back down on my bed and looked at the clock. 3:30 am. I yawned and laid back down. I slowly drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

"You couldn't save her, no matter how hard you tried. You shouldn't have even interfered, fucking idiot! Now look where it got you. You're helpless. Alone. No one will save you, just like you couldn't fucking save her." Miles' words rang in my head. Pounding the ground with my fist, I sobbed. Strangled, choked sobs caught in my throat, tears blurring my vision.
"Please, just kill me too...IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!! She... She was all I-I had!" I kept my face to the cold floor, refusing to meet his heartless eyes. I screamed as hard and loud as I could, the emotional pain was too overwhelming for me. My head felt heavy, but my heart had quickly filled with a burning rage that made me want to vomit. I balled my fists, my cries turned into growls of deep, unforgivable anger. I heard Miles laugh, that goddamn laugh. "What can you do about it? Nothing. You're a lost cause, Járnsaxa. A lonely, helpless little bitch with no family." His voice was cutting the thick tension in the air, and I was ready to rip his vocal cords out. "You... You took her away from me... And now, I'm going to take something away from you," I spit back at him, my voice didn't even sound like my own. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to stand. I lifted my tear-stained eyes to meet Miles'. He just had a smug fucking grin on his face. Taking a few shaky breaths to try and calm myself, I started running at him. Miles just smiled, and the next thing I know, there's an excruciating pain in my stomach. I couldn't even scream, my voice caught in my throat as I lowered my gaze to my stomach. Red. Blood. He stabbed me. I grabbed his shoulder to keep myself standing, I cannot die now!! Miles laughed and took a step back, watching as I crumpled to the ground. Coughing and watching as blood leaked from my mouth, I stared at my mother's body. "Mom.... Please forgive me..." Were my last words, as my world began to fade to black.

I awoke from the new nightmare, unable to let myself get any more sleep. I fixed my gaze on the clock, 6:00 am. "Why me...." I said quietly to myself and I sighed and stood from my bed. The sun was peeking out, and I forced my body to move towards the bathroom so I could prepare for my day. Raising my head to look from the sink to the mirror, I did a review of myself. My pixie cut, lavender colored hair was a small mess, my side bangs stuck up. I gave myself a little smile, I definitely looked like a mess.

After an hour of fixing myself, preparing a bag and putting on a small amount of makeup, I was ready for the day. But first, coffee. And feed Vinny. I placed my bag on the counter in my kitchen, going to the small tank next to the window besides my couch. My black Hognose snake was waiting, slithering around and following me as much as he could from the tank.
Smiling, I crouched below the table his tank sat on and opened a small container, picking out a small mouse. It squeaked loud, and my heart dropped a little. Sorry little one, but Vinny's hungry. I quickly placed the animal in the tank and closed both containers, going back to the kitchen to grab my stuff. I never watched him as he ate, it hurt my heart a little. But it had to be done. I heard the last small squeak and a tiny crack, Vinny wasted no time. "Be a good boy okay? Momma's going to school, her first day!" I said proudly, which was true. Today is my first day starting at NYU. I was nervous and excited. It was about time I got out of the house since everything that happened...

I swung my bag over my shoulder as I approached the university. "Oh wow..." I looked all around, watching as other people were heading to their classes and laughing, walking with each other. Maybe I can make a friend or two today...

For a first day, that wasn't bad at all. I got everything I needed for my classes, books, even made a new friend. We didn't talk much, because we got a small lecture from our professor. She seemed nice though! I was more than ready to go to the nearest coffee shop, and sit down with a nice book for some time. Which was what I did. I dropped my school bag in the backseat of my car, and slid in the driver seat, making my way to a coffee shop. Maybe today was going a little better than I thought, which was good. I needed as many distractions as I could get.

Sitting at a small table by a window, I had my favorite book, Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker and an amazing iced coffee. Take a few sips. Read a page. Repeat. I stopped a few times to watch the traffic go by, or just people watch. I tend to do that. 

After an hour or two, I decided it was time to go home. I was starting to get hungry anyways. Bookmarking my page and finishing off my coffee, I stood and pushed my chair in. Going up to the counter, I ordered a small pastry and took it to go for later. I walked out, dumping my empty cup in a trash by the door. In a more happier mood, I smiled and unlocked my car, placing the book in the passenger seat. I turned my car on, plugged in my phone and played my favorite song. 

Oh god of loneliness 

Oh my god you do it well

You've got me back again

But I don't remember how

You appear here, here, here

You appear here, here, here

So won't you talk to me

Won't you tell me why you've come

Tell me that life is hard

But it's hard for everyone

You appear here, here, here

And oh my god

Oh my god

Oh my god

Oh my god

The drive was rather quick, and I was more than happy to grab my book, shove it in my bag and hurry inside. With a smile and a content sigh, I dropped my bag off at the door and plopped my happy ass on a chair at my table in the kitchen. Taking out my phone and the pastry from earlier out of its bag, I unlocked my phone and went the news app I had a flood of notifications for.

 Possible Avengers Team up? What's the big occasion for the superheroes? 

Groaning, I scrolled to the next one. 

Captain America: Winning the hearts of New York! 

I choked on a piece of my treat. "You're kidding me, right?" I said to myself as I quickly skimmed the rest of the notifications to see it was all news about the Avengers. Shaking my head, I exited the app and locked my phone.

'They're people, just like us. Shouldn't they be treated like such? Just because they save lives and all doesn't make them THAT special... Right?' My thoughts were interrupted by another notification from my phone. Opening the app, I turned off all notifications and dropped my phone back on the table and left it there. I sighed and walked over to Vinny, feeding him again and going into my room. I glanced at the clock, 7:54 pm. 'Oh forget it...' I thought to myself and I changed my clothes. Going into the bathroom and removing my makeup, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked tired. Exhausted and depressed, too. So what if I was? No one needed to be concerned for me. I'm an independent woman who has delt with enough shit on her own. 

Leaving the bathroom and moving back my blanket, I slid into bed and pulled it over my body. Tomorrow is a new day...