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I knew you had to be alien. You're out of this world

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Pairing: Sebastian Smythe/Jack Harkness

Genre: Humour

Inspired by this post


”So, where are we?” Rose asked, grinning excitedly as the Tardis finally stopped shaking.


“Nevada!” the Doctor answered, bouncing around the Tardis, pulling at handles, pressing random buttons. “Only a few years in the future.”


“Let's go to Vegas,” Jack said to general cheering. He opened the door, curiously peeking out. They were inside a building, in a cellar to be more precise.


“Let's go see where we are,” the Doctor said cheerfully, walking past him. The walked up a flight of stairs, looking around for clues to where they were. “This way,” the Doctor said as they walked through a doorway into a rather big room. He stopped in his tracks.“That was unexpected.”


“A harp,” Rose said, touching the strings.


“Always wanted one,” Jack confessed, eying it thoughtfully.


“Don't steal our harp, Hunter's going to freak,” a voice drawled. Rose and Jack exchanged surprised looks while the Doctor briskly walked into the room.


“Hello,” he said. “I'm the Doctor, that's Rose Tyler and that's captain Jack Harkness.” He gestured towards them as they walked up to stand beside him. “And you are?”


“Sebastian Smythe. A pleasure.” The guy sat up on the couch where he'd been laying, shaking the Doctor's hand. “Welcome to Dalton Academy.” He stretched, then corrected his blue and red blazer.


Gorgeous. Jack let his eyes wander from the light brown hair and green eyes to the long legs. How wonderful. And he's wearing a school uniform. He suppressed a sudden urge to squeal.


“Well, thank you,” the Doctor beamed. “Can you tell us exactly where we are?”


Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “You're at Dalton Academy,” he repeated. “In the Warblers' choir room. Why are you in the Warblers' choir room?” he asked curiously, frowning for a second.


“Not sure. Seemed like a nice place to go. Um, we don't happen to be in Nevada by any chance?”


“No, you're in Westerville, Ohio. My condolences,” Sebastian said dryly.


“Oh.” The Doctor paused for a few seconds, looking a bit disappointed. “You mind showing us around?” he asked, back to his usual cheerful self.


“Random strangers walking through a painting?” Sebastian asked. “Sure, don't see why not.” He shot off a smile at Jack giving him a once over. Jack preened.


“The door was a painting? That's brilliant!” The Doctor looked at Rose as if to say 'Oh my God, a painting and a door. How cool is that?'


Jack had to admit it was pretty damn cool.


“Can I ask what you're doing in the choir room?” Jack said to Sebastian, dusting off an invisible speck of dust from his blazer.


“You can ask me anything,” Sebastian smirked, holding his gaze.


“That's good, because I've got many good questions,” Jack leered.


“You two need a room?” Rose sassed.


“No. This is a boarding school, which means I've already got one,” Sebastian shot back.


“You know, you're taking this really well,” Jack told him as they begun walking.


“Ohio is so fucking boring I'm just glad something's happening,” Sebastian shrugged. “Hello Clarington, what do you want?” he asked nastily. Another guy wearing the same uniform came walking towards them. He was broader over the shoulders than Sebastian and an inch or so shorter, aside from that they looked rather alike, similar eyes and hair colour.

“Who are these people?” Clarington asked, frowning at them.


“Well, let's see. That's the Doctor,” Sebastian said, gesturing.


“Hello,” the Doctor waved.

“That's Rose Tyler.”




“And Captain Jack Harkness.”


“Hello.” Jack smiled cheerfully.


“Right.” Hunter glared at Sebastian. “What are you up to this time?”


“Me?” Sebastian widened his eyes innocently. “Nothing much. Just giving them a tour.”


“Oh please.”


“It's true,” the Doctor cut in. “So if you don't mind-”


“I do mind-”


“That's great. See you around.” He begun walking again, the rest of them following. After a few steps the Doctor seemed to remember that Sebastian was showing them around and let him and Jack walk past him.


“What-? Wait.” Hunter jogged after them. “What are you doing at Dalton?” he asked when he caught up with them.

“Just travelling,” Rose smiled.


“From England to Ohio?” Hunter asked sceptically.


Jack tuned out their conversation. “So, where are you taking us?” he asked Sebastian.


“I'd like to take you to my room,” Sebastian answered.


“To your room or in your room?” Jack countered.


They looked at each other, recognizing a kindred spirit.


“One doesn't exclude the other,” Sebastian informed him, raising an eyebrow.


“Jack,” Rose called.


“Yes?” They turned around.


“The Doctor said he sensed an unusual energy.” She pointed to where Hunter and the Doctor were walking down a corridor to Jack's right. “We're going to check it out, you coming?” she asked.


“Maybe we should check out the south parts, just in case it's spread?” Sebastian suggested, pointing in the opposite direction. Rose looked surprised.


“Good thinking. We'll meet up later. Got your cell?” she asked Jack.


“Um, yes,” he held it up.


“Great. See ya,” she grinned, before hurrying after Hunter and her precious Doctor. Sebastian and Jack begun walking in the new direction.


“So, where do we start looking?” Jack asked. He supposed he could do a scan...


“The south parts of Dalton,” he repeated.


“Any particular place in mind?”


“Though we'd start off with my dorm room and then we'll see.”


A wide grin broke out on Jack's face. “Good plan.”




“So, we've searched the entire room,” Jack concluded, pulling up the covers around them. It was a bit chilly without his socks.




“The bed.”




“The floor.”




“The walls.”


“Uh huh.”


“And you're still wearing your tie,” Jack said appreciatively, pulling at the item in question. Sebastian grinned at him. “Well, since you've showed me your room, I should show you my space ship.”


“Bet you say that to all the boys,” Sebastian drawled, kissing his jaw.


“A few,” Jack admitted, making Sebastian laugh. Jack began reaching for his clothes, pulling his pants back on. “You coming?”


“Again? I may be a teenager but even I have limits.” Sebastian smirked, bending over to pick his shirt up from the floor.


Jack snorted. “It's like meeting myself.”


“It's fantastic.” Sebastian began buttoning up his shirt.


“Took the words out of my mouth.” There was a slight pause when they both had the same thought, grinned, then continued dressing. Sebastian ran a brush through his hair, then studied him thoughtfully.


“Your hair, it looks a bit-” Sebastian gestured.


“Walk of shameish?”


“Yeah.” Sebastian handed him the brush.


“Thank you.”




“Yep. Let's go.”


Walking out, they noticed there was an alien invasion going on.

“Well fuck me,” Sebastian said, looking at the purple two headed creatures.


“Don't see how that would help,” Jack said thoughtfully. “Can we save it for later?”


Sebastian eyed the aliens. “I guess.”


“Great. Here, have a gun and follow me.” They ran off to find the others.




“There you are!” Rose exclaimed.


“Why are there always aliens invading wherever we go?” Jack asked no-one in particular, crouching down next to the Doctor.


“I dunno.” The Doctor beamed, waving his sonic screw driver. “Just lucky I guess.” They grinned at each other. He never was bored in the Doctor's company.


Hunter was firing at the aliens Rambo style. He'd even gotten his hands on a bandana. “Went to a military academy that one,” the Doctor explained cheerfully. “He's enjoying himself a bit too much for my comfort,” he added, then shrugged it off.


They managed to stop the attack by assembling the Warblers, the young men managing to hit a note so high the alien's heads exploded. Nasty grime and yellow slime everywhere, but aside from that they were fine. After they'd said their farewells to the Warblers, handsome crowd, Jack couldn't help but noticing, Sebastian walked them back to the choir room.


“Time to go,” the Doctor said, opening the painting/door.


“Back to your space ship?” Sebastian asked, wiping some grime off his thigh.


“How did you know we have a space ship?” the Doctor asked in surprise.


“Just sort of slipped out?” Jack said, trying to look cute enough to avoid scolding.


“Oh well, happens to us all,” the Doctor said with a shrug. Rose rolled her eyes.


“I kinda promised him I'd show him.”


“Oh fine,” the Doctor huffed.




“Awesome. And you call it a Tardis?” Sebastian asked, looking around, smiling like a child on Christmas morning. Rose beamed at him before walking down the stairs.


“Yes,” the Doctor confirmed. “Isn't it wonderful no-one died today?” he asked. “Rose! Isn't it great?” he shouted.


“Yes Doctor!” she called from somewhere below.


“Amazing.” Sebastian murmured, ignoring them. Jack followed him with his eyes as he stroked the control panel, peering at a black screen, looked through the floor, poked a wire hanging from the ceiling -- everything with a small smile on his lips. “Thanks for letting me see this,” he finally said.


“No problemo.” The Doctor patted one of the walls of the Tardis proudly like one might pet a dog.


“Walk me out?” Sebastian asked Jack, touching his hand as he walked past. Outside Sebastian pressed him up against the door, kissing him.


“I knew you had to be an alien,” Sebastian smirked, both of them a bit breathless. “You're out of this world.” Jack didn't bother correcting him, he guessed he was sort of alien compared to the people of the 21st century. Besides, he was a sucker for bad pickup lines.


“I'll call you,” Jack promised, nuzzling his cheek.


“No you won't,” Sebastian said, green eyes sparkling.


“No I won't,” Jack agreed, grinning. “But I will come see you again sometime.”


“I should hope so, killer.” Sebastian leaned closer to whisper in his ear. “I expect you to fulfil that last promise you made me.” Jack grinned, kissing him again, before going back into the Tardis.




“Jack, where's your coat?” Rose asked him sometime later. He feigned surprise.


“Must have forgotten it at Dalton. Bummer, I really like that coat. Don't suppose we could go back there and get it?” he asked, eyes on the Doctor.


“Why'd you take your coat off?” Rose wondered.


“I got really hot searching for foreign energy. You know how it is,” he said vaguely. “So Doctor, can we go get my coat?”


“I guess. I kinda liked that Hunter guy. Great bodyguard, could do backflips and everything. Very impressive. It would be fun to know what happened to him,” he trailed off. “Let's see if we can track them! Let's say, 2017? Should be some archives of where they are.”


“Where exactly did you search for the energy?” Rose asked suspiciously.


“Here and there. Found lots of it too.” Jack beamed at her, looking forward to an older, more experienced Sebastian Smythe.