He left me in the war. He stole a Time And Relative Dimensions In Space and asked me to come with him. I said no because my father would have my hearts if I left. And he turned away crying and stepped into the Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. And he left me alone.
I wanted to go with him but I couldn’t.
The war went on without him and I wished it hadn’t because he was the only thing keeping me sane. So without him I lost it all and ended up being insane.
I wanted him back but he didn’t come back even though he said he would and the war never ended. It kept going on. But he said he would come back when it ended so I waited and waited.
It never ended, so he never came back and I was alone. Except for the drums! The drums were my only friend, even though they hurt me so. I couldn’t leave them without cutting off my head.
So I tried coping by beating the beat onto the drums I had left from our band. It never helped and they made me think of him, so was it really that crazy of me to destroy them? Because thinking of him made me depressed and the drums got louder and louder and louder and louder and I wanted him to hear them too, because maybe if he did he would come back. But he never did. I wanted him to so I kept wishing and wishing and wishing and wishing but he never did and I wasted a regeneration on him by trying to cut off my head.
But I forced myself to live and I regenerated. And I wished I hadn’t thought of him because my hair was still black but it was wavy and my eyes were light and round and every time I looked into the mirror I saw his face instead of mine. So I smashed them all because who would want to see their tormentor of many years?
He was on my mind every day until he became like the drums and I couldn’t get rid of him. He was always there with the drumming- THE DRUMMING- the drumming that wouldn’t stop no matter what and to see him every time I closed my eyes was almost worse than him leaving.
The war went on and on and on and on. It never stopped and only grew worse and I cursed the coward I once called my friend, because how could I call someone who left me in a war my friend? So love turned to hate and the man I once knew was no longer that man. But if he wasn’t than who was he? Because he couldn’t be a stranger if I knew him so well, yet I hadn’t seen him in so long he was probably different and with someone else and had forgotten me and loved someone else and I hated the man I had once loved. Because how could he leave me?
I was bitter but no one could blame me. The world I knew was going madder than me and I loved it! It gave me a little peace of mind because having a world madder than me made me feel better about going crazy, because if the world was going crazy then it was fine if I was, right?
I had stopped thinking of him coming back to save me and started imaging his head on a stake. It kept me going even though I had regenerated trying to find him. And I said I would never regenerate for him again, but this was different because I wanted to make him feel the pain I had felt. It wasn’t crazy. It was what he deserved.
So I found him. I looked into his eyes and I remembered that he was my Theta and why I had loved him all those years ago. I was too weak to resist his charms so I asked him if he wanted to rule the universe together, but he said no. So I wanted him dead because all I wanted was for us to be together, but if he didn’t want to then why did he say he would come back?
And I hated him more than ever before because I still loved him but he didn’t love me so there was no point in being nice. Even though my hearts ached for him still.
And I tried to kill him. Or attempted to try, because I never could do it. Every time I was close he would pull out his charm, and I would remember why I still loved him. It hurt more than the torture he had put me through, because no matter what happened my hearts couldn’t let go of him.
I’m not crazy, and if I am, it’s all his fault because he left me. And I hate him for it, but I can’t stop loving him. And how could you call me crazy if you know my story now?