"It's funny how the walk of life can take you down without a fight"
Steve sat by the window looking at the beautiful view of New York. Lights glistened as the sunset, the noise of the public became more and more distant and the occupation of life decreased. Steve sat silently on his wheelchair, his hand slightly rubbed his leg. Deep down he wished he could feel how hard he pinched himself but all the could feel was a slight tingle. His nostrils flared in frustration.
It's been 76 days since the accident, 76 days of him losing the feeling in his legs temporarily, 76 days of being crippled, 76 days of sitting in this fucking chair making no progress what so ever. He sat here since the moment he come home from the hospital, he didn't move from the window, no matter how much the sun rays burned his skin as it hit the window. He would occasionally lay on the couch to sleep during the night but he never moved from the living room area of Stark Tower. It's been 76 days since he slept in the same bed with his husband, it's been 76 days since he read a bed time story to his 3 year old son and it's been 76 days since he's been the leader of The Avengers. Steve sits in the living room contemplating his life and how unlucky he got to lose something so valuable. During those 76 days Steve grew out his blond locks and grew out beard, he felt he had no motivation to keep him from staying clean and fresh. Even if he tried he wouldn't be able to look into the mirror in the bathroom.
"Daddy?" He heard a small voice say, he was cut off from his thoughts to turn and look at his son. Peter stood near the couch, away from Steve, holding a white piece of paper in his hands. The small boys hands shook in nervousness, he looked smaller than he already he was.
"Yeah Pete" Steve said quietly.
"I made you something" he stepped forward reluctantly towards his father. He thought about the possible reactions his father could have seeing the picture he spent a while drawing for him. Peter didn't understand what happened, all he understood was daddy was hurt, which meant daddy couldn't read to him anymore or play catch or teach him baseball at the park. It also meant that Papa slept alone in his room, which made papa cry at night when he thought Peter was asleep in his room. He understood that daddy wasn't much like his happy daddy anymore, he was always angry or sad. Peter remembers when Aunty Nat was sick daddy told him to make a picture for her wishing for her to get better soon, it worked when he gave it to her. The little boy just hoped it would work for his Daddy. For his daddy to be able to walk again, for his daddy to play catch and so papa could stop crying at night.
So Peter bravely stepped towards his daddy and passed the picture over to the man who didn't look like daddy anymore. Steve took the picture into his hands and saw the picture his son drew. It consisted of large stick figures, with names badly yet adorably writen at the bottom labeling carefully under each member of their family. The stick figures all stood up except for one, one with a stick figures man sitting on a chair with what presumed to be wheels which was labeled 'daddy'. Steve sat in silence staring at the picture his son kindly drew for him anger, pity, sadness and shame washed over Steve. His hands began to lightly shake and unknowing crumpled up the white paper in his hands.
Peter stood there staring at his father, his eyes glistened with tears forming. His bottom lip quivered at the sight of his picture, he closed his eyes slightly.
"Go away Peter" he said roughly as guilt over road his body. "Go find you papa"
The little boy ran out of the room quicker than he was told to get out. The echo of his sobs were heard throughout the halls, the soothing voice of Clint was heard from outside. Steve threw the picture across the room and rolled himself toward the cabinet in the corner of the room containing the liquor they had. He chose the strongest bottle, opened it and took a long chug of the liquid substance.
"So many years can leave behind regretfully until it's time"
Steve and The Avengers marched through the doors of the Hydra base camp. Flashes of light and screams over crowded Steve's mind as he made his way to towards the head quarters
"Stay close, ironman. I need someone to have my back" he said in to his com holding the shield to protect himself.
"You got it, cap" Tony said but soon his husband was hit in mid air and he fell straight to the ground. Steve yelled for his husband to get up, Steve turned around and in a split second he felt two bullets shot into his back. Steve screamed in agony and at the pain he was feeling.
"To realize the moment.."
Steve had two empty bottle of burban in front of him resting on the glass table. His head rested slightly on his hands and took a deep sigh. He heard heavy foot steps enter the living room. Steve didn't have to look up in order to know exactly who it was. He knew it was his husband marching in to yell at Steve or whatever he does when he's frustrated.
"If I had wings like Noah's dove. I'd fly the river to the one I love"
Tony sat on top of the small glass table silently across his husband. Tony sighed in disappointment, it had been a long time since he felt this alone. He feels like he lost Steve the moment he got home from the hospital, it took Tony and Natasha 5 days to convince Steve to eat, 10 days to let Tony bathe him and 13 days to finally make him see Peter. It was difficult not to have the old Steve around anymore, it was difficult to raise their son together, it was difficult to distract Peter so he would ask about Steve or bother him, it's was difficult managing the team by himself, it was difficult to see his husband suffer. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He tried to understand the amount of sadness Steve was going through and he tried to but nothing could over come the want of his husband to come back.
Tony collected the empty bottles of whisky and stood up. He had anger in him and no amount of saddens could cover for the anger he had towards Steve and how he treated their son earlier today.
"You hurt your son." He said as he walked towards the bar in the corner of the living room "Great job, Howard" Steve sat in silence still having his head in his hands. Tony slammed the empty bottle of whisky on the ground causing Steve to jump slightly "Are you not going to say anything? Are you going to silently sit there and not say anything!" He yelled
"What do you want me to say, Tony! I was useful before, I was somebody! I meant something before this happened! I'm all alone, why don't you understand" Steve yelled back at Tony letting the anger take over him.
"You have a son, you have me, you have the team. You are not alone, Steve! You could have fixed this weeks ago, instead of sitting here moping over something that isn't permanent"
"Well fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well"
"You better start thinking about what your position in this family is" Tony let out a sob "All Peter wanted to do was make you feel better, he doesn't understand what's going on!"
"I feel caged up, I feel like I'm in prison"
"The difference is that you can walk out of you want to, Steve."
"I can't get up" Steve yelled louder not caring about waking up the rest of the family. He saw Tony make his way out room in his peripheral.
"Get up, Steve! Before you really are alone" Tony storms out. He quickly walks to his room avoiding anyone who might come out of their rooms. He walks into his room, he changed into a pair of Steve's sweats and removed his shirt. He lays on Steve's side of the bed like he's done since the accident and lays. In the distance he can hear the shatter of glass hit the ground and Steve's distant yells.
"Well I had a man who was long and tall. Who moved his body like a cannon ball. Well fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well"
The door to his room creaked open slowly as the shatters and yells got louder when the door opened. Peters mop of brown hair peaked into the room, small strands of tears ran down his cheek.
"Papa? Can I sleep with you?" He asked quietly holding his small spider plushy in hand.
"Come here baby" he patted his side of the empty bed lightly. The little boy scurried to his father and laid next to him draping his arm around his dad. Tony brush his hands lightly through his brown locks and kissed the top of his head
"why is daddy always sad?"
"He lost something very dear to him, baby. Daddy's just really sad"
"I miss daddy" he brokenly said as he buried himself closer to his father. Tony silently let tears stream down his face
"Me too baby. I miss him too" he continued to sooth his son they both fell asleep with the crashes and curse words Steve projected died down.
"I remember one evening, in the pourin' rain. And in my heart was an achin' pain. Well fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well"
The next morning The Avengers all sat having breakfast disregarding and avoiding the events that happened last night. Tony didn't want to open a wound that clearly was going to get infected. Peter sat on his fathers lap eating fruit, laughing at the jokes his Uncle Clint told his as Tony sipped on his morning coffee. The coffee that lost taste when Steve stopped making it. The busy room went silent when Steve rolled himself into the kitchen, Tony tightened his grip on Peter which made the small boy stop laughing. Steve made his way towards the refrigerator and tried to reach for a bottle of water. Thor silently reached up but before he could grab it he was interrupted
"Stop it!" Steve argued "I can do it myself"
The tension in the room deepened, Thor looked at Tony but he slightly nodded. Thor moved aside silently and let Steve to mend for himself. When Steve retrieved his water and turned around his nose flared, he rolled himself out and said nothing. Nobody said a thing, nobody mentioned his name for the sake of not only Peter but Tony as well.
"Papa, can I go with Uncle Clint today?" Peter looked up at his father with pleading eyes. Tony didn't want to deny his son anything especially at a time when he should be distracted. He nodded and smiled at Peter. The little boys squealed in excitement "Thank you daddy"
"Anything for my baby." He looked over at Clint "I have to go In the office and help Pepper with some paper work. Please don't let Peter stay with him by himself"
"You got it" Clint smiled at his nephew "let me just get my bow from the living room. I'll be back squirt"
"Okay! I'll miss you" the little boy yelled as Clint walked out towards the living room. He smiled at the amount of love the small child can share with others. He was too innocent to be involved in this problem. For that he wouldn't forgive Steve for the pain he cause Peter and Tony.
"One of these days and it won't be long. Call my name and I'll be gone. Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well"
Clint walked Into the living room to witness multiple shattered bottle of whisky and liquor spilled on the ground. He sighed and he made his way to his bow that leaned again the wall across the livingroom. Steve laughed bitterly when he saw Clint.
"They send you in for the Pep talk?" Steve said bitterly as he rolled himself toward the window and looked out into the city.
"No I'm just here to get my bow" he quickly walked to retrieve it, it leaned on the wall that contained a beautiful picture of his nephew smiling as he looked up at Clint. Clint shut his eyes and reminded himself if wasn't his place to get involved "and if they did" he started catching Steve's attention "there would be no point. If you don't listen to your own husband, the man who loves you and vowed to stay with you or your only son who you promised to take of no matter what, there not point in me saying anything to you. If you don't want to better yourself for yourself then do it for them. They deserve so much better than what you're giving them now" Clint started to make his way out of the living room with his bow in hand.
"You know what Clint-" he started but was cut off by the light sound of sneakers on the floor. Peter ran to him with glee.
"You ready Uncle Clint" he said as he jumped up and down but quieted down when he saw Steve, he reached out for Clints hand for comfort.
"Make a choice, Steve" Clint said roughly. Tony walked in, In a hurry in one of his best suits and Ray-bans shading his eyes. He leans down at Peters height.
"Okay baby I gotta go. Can papa have a kiss" Peter leaned in gave his papa a small kiss and gave him a tight hug before letting go "I love you, sunshine"
Tony looked over to Steve and stayed silent. He walked over to him, looked him in the eyes and lightly cresses his cheek. He planted a small kiss on Steve's forehead and walked out of the living room saying good bye to Clint and thanking him for the favor.
"Let's go practice, P.Stark" he said as he walked out.
Little Peter stared at his daddy as he played with the hem of his large Ninja Turtle t-shirt. His eyes gave off a sad innocence as he continued to stare at his father. He gave a soft wave
"Bye daddy" he said quietly and chased after Clint.
"Bye, Buddy" Steve whispered and looked down at his legs. Running his hands up and down his thighs slightly pinching them. He closed his eyes to keep him from crying.
"Now my apron's up to my chin. You pass my door and you won't come in. Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well"
It was 8 o'clock, Tony was due home any minuet from the office and Steve stayed in his place looking at his legs once more.
"Stand up Steve. All you have to do is stand up. If you don't do this you'll lose everything you have dreamed up. You have a wonderful husband who supported you, he loves you and believe in you. You have a beautiful son who just wants to make you happy, he misses you and just want you to pay attention. You have a team depending on you, who need you. Get up, Steve! Do this for yourself, for them. Get up!" He told himself.
"If I had wings like Noah's dove. I'd fly up the river to the one I love. Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well"
The loud laughter that came from the front of the kitchen echoed into the living room. Tony and Peter had just returned. Tony picked up his son from Clint at a near by Chuck-E-Cheese and he took him home. The boy was always good at making other people laugh and Tony loved that about his son. He always knew how to make someone laugh with his childish nature.
Tony set his son down as he went to grab himself a bottle of water. Peter ran out the room but soon came running back yelling his Papa's name.
"Papa! Papa! Come quick! It's daddy" Tony's stomach dropped when he heard his son say those words.
Tony ran towards the living room to see his husband standing up. Clean, shaved, showered and in fresh clothes. Tony covered his mouth with his hand and let out a sob. Steve gave him a small smile as he gripped the side of the counter of the bar. Tears streamed down Tony's face to see his husband back. It's been 77 days, 77 long days of his husband being mentally gone. 77 days of both of them being alone. 77 days of missing him.
"Come here" Steve said to both son and husband opening his arms for them. Tony and Peter quickly walked towards him and crashed into his chest. Tony sobbed into Steve's chest and Peter hiccuped as he cried at the sight of his daddy getting better, of both papa and daddy being happy again.
"I got you" Steve whisper "I was gone but daddy's back, I promise. Daddy's better now and I promise to make you and daddy happy again."
"Promise to never do that again, daddy. Please don't make my papa and I sad ever again. "
"I promise, Peter" Steve sincerely said giving him a small kiss on the forehead. Tony looked up at his husband and smiled at him. He felt complete again. He felt happy once again.
"I love you"
"I love you too, Tony"