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Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On

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"Yeah, Jonny?"

"Our first show is at six. Will you come? Please?"

"Where is it?"

"The little club up the street from here."

"I guess I could."


"But, you have to find Stacy a babysitter. I can't bring a six month old baby to a concert."

"My sister loves the shit out of Stacy. I'll text her." Jonny says, pulling out his phone. "She said it's cool."

"When should we drop her off?"

"I said four. You and I can grab something for dinner and then head over to the venue, if that's cool with you?"

"Depends. You paying?"

"Of course. You need your money to take care of Stacy."

"Sounds good to me. Thanks."

"You're welcome."


"How long will you keep Stacy?"

"I can keep her for the whole weekend to give you a break, if you'd like?"

"Please? I love my daughter to the moon and back, but I need a small break."

"Of course. Anything for my brother's best friend. Now go!" Natalie tells Tilian. "And make sure my brother doesn't die or get arrested!"

"I'd probably die or get arrested right with him. I mean, we did get arrested for public intoxication and disturbing the peace three times by the time we turned 21 and all."

"True. Well, don't die, and call me if you get arrested."

"Will do. Jonathan, let's go!" Tilian yells as Jonny runs back into the room.


"Yeah." After being reassured that no, Stacy will not die while she's with Natalie, Jonny and Tilian stop at McDonald's and then head over to the venue.


"We're going to play one more song and then we'll get out of your hair. This one is a song everyone knows." Jonny says as the rest of Slaves begin playing Stacy's Mom.

"Oh my fucking god." Tilian mutters under her breath.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on
She's all that I want, and I've waited for so long
Stacy can't you see?
You're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong,
But I'm in love with Stacy's mom." When the song is over, Tilian walks over to Jonny.

"What the hell was that!?"

"Me professing my undying love for you?"

"How long?"

"Since ninth grade."

"You've been in love with me for ten years!? Why the hell did you never say anything?"

"The day I finally decided to ask you to Homecoming was the day Adam asked you to be his girlfriend. I was secretly hoping that it would be a short fling, but then you stayed together through high school, and you married him three years later. When he got you pregnant and then dipped out about year and a half ago, I stepped in and helped you during your pregnancy and I'm currently helping your raise Stacy because I love you and that little girl. She may not be mine, but she might as well be."

"You really should have told me before homecoming, because I had the biggest crush on you back then. But hey, we can make up for lost time now. Do you really want to raise Stacy as your own child? I guarantee Adam's not coming back. He technically has no legal rights to Stacy anyways. Her birth certificate is blank where his name should be."

"I do. I really do. And one day, if all goes well, she might even get a sibling." Jonny smiles.

"Woah there, wining and dining comes before 69ing."

"Oh my fucking god, did that really just come out of your mouth?"

"Yes. Now kiss me, Craig."

"Of course, Pearson." Jonny replies, kissing Tilian. They stay like that for about thirty seconds, coming apart only because they can't breath. "So Til, will you be my girlfriend?"



*Two Years Later*

"Jonny, can we talk?"

"Of course, Tilian. You can tell me anything."

"I'm three months pregnant." Tilian replies nervously.

"That's great!"

"Thank god. I knew you wouldn't be mad but the last time I told someone they got me pregnant, it didn't exactly go well."

"I would never react like Adam did."

"Thank you for dealing with my problems."

"Strawberry, they became my problems four months ago on the day I married you."

"Question, why the fuck do you call me Strawberry?"

"You, Jon, Tim, Will, and Matt released the third part of Strawberry Swisher and Death of a Strawberry. Oh, and not to mention, you look like a strawberry whenever I make you blush and you've got a most likely ginger baby chilling in your uterus at the moment."

"Jonny, did you really just say that our baby is chilling in my uterus?"

"Is it not true?"

"It is but Jesus fucking Christ, did you really feel the need to word it like that?"


"Remind me why I married you again?" Tilian laughs. Jonny just shakes his head and kisses her.