Louis was fucked was the thing. And if he wasn’t currently in the situation he was in, he’d laugh at the irony of that statement. You see, he had been a bit of a proper idiot and had wanted to try out his new toy that he’d ordered. Only he’d ordered a size he wasn’t particularly used to, and the shape of the thing was supposed to be curved to hit your sweet spot. The size plus the curve had caused the bloody thing to become lodged inside of him without any chance of moving. Oh yeah, and it vibrated. And the vibrator was stuck in the on position. Louis was completely, totally, fucked. He’d tried to get it out as best he could, but the fucking thing was stuck. So Louis had done the only thing he could do, he hung his head in shame before shrieking to Liam to come help.
“Mate, I love you. But this is...this really crosses some lines here.”
“I bloody know that, Leemo. But the the fucking thing is stuck and it won’t come out and it’s still fucking vibrating and I don’t think I can take much more of this. Fucking do something!”
Apparently, Liam’s idea of ‘doing something’ was to toss Louis his pants and say, “Get fucking dressed. We’re going to the hospital. I am not pulling that thing out of you. We are getting a medical professional to do that job.”
Louis was mortified, but Liam was not having any arguments and Louis knew he had a point. A medical professional would be able to remove the thing without causing some type of internal damage. But this was by far the most embarrassing thing Louis had ever gone through in his entire life - and Stan had pantsed him in front of the whole school back when they were twelve. Louis never thought anything could be more embarrassing than that. He’d been wrong.
“Liam!” Louis yelped as they drove the closest emergency care center, “I can’t do this. I’m...I’m going to...I’m going to…”
“Oh fuck no you’re not!” Liam growled, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, “Not in my car you’re not.”
“I can’t help it, Leemo,” Louis squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed and painfully close to his third orgasm.
“Ugh alright fine,” Liam reached around to the backseat, grabbing a towel from when they’d gone to the beach the last weekend, “Just put this over your lap, okay? Jeez, Lou.”
“I know, I know,” Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m sorry too. I just...this isn’t exactly a thing you’re prepared to deal with. Not every day your best mate gets a fucking sex toy stuck up his arse. I know this probably really fucking sucks for you and I’m sorry for that. It’s just...a lot.”
“No kidding,” Louis gritted out.
“We’ll get you some help, alright. Now, the emergency care center is about two minutes away. Can you hold on until then? I’ll go in and get you signed in and you can stay in the car and well...uh...finish up.”
“Finish up,” Louis scoffed humorlessly, “You say that like I’m just going to stop coming. This thing is wedged against me fucking prostate, Leemo. How many orgasms can a person have before passing out?”
“I have no idea,” Liam winced, “But you’re going to be okay,” he put a hand on Louis’ knee, and Louis jerked away from the touch.
“Please, please don’t touch me right now.”
“Right. Sorry. Sorry.”
They pulled up to the emergency care center, and Liam parked the car in the drop off section before scurrying inside to get Louis signed in. Louis buried his face in his hands as he came again into the towel. Thank god he’d been able to hold off until Liam was inside, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold off the other orgasm he knew was going to come any moment now. This was too, too much. Louis was never sticking anything else up his arse again. At least nothing with a curve that vibrated. Fuck that.
A few moments later, Liam came out of the sliding doors with a nurse. Louis felt his other orgasm building up inside the pit of his stomach. This was not happening. This was not bloody happening. Just as they neared the car though, the battery finally gave out. Louis sighed a gasp of relief. The bloody dildo was still shoved against his prostate, but the vibrations - that had quickly become painful and torturous - had ended. Louis wiped the sweat from his brow on the back of his wrist. He just wanted the thing out of him as soon as possible. At this rate, he didn’t care about the mortification of having to tell the medical staff - much anyway.
“You alright, Lou?” Liam asked, opening the passenger door.
“You’re really fucking asking that right now?” Louis glared daggers at Liam, “At least the fucking battery finally died.”
“Shit,” the nurse’s eyes widened, “You really...you really have a dildo stuck inside you?”
“Yes,” Louis gritted through clenched teeth, “I really have a fucking dildo stuck inside me.”
“Sorry,” the nurse paled, “I just...I thought he was kidding.”
“Just please help me,” Louis plead.
“Right, right,” the nurse nodded, “Um, what is more comfortable for you? Would you rather sit or stand?”
“I don’t think I have the energy to stand anymore,” Louis admitted.
“Alright. Well we have a wheelchair here. Once we get you settled, I’ll be sure to let the doctors know your case is a priority. We’ll get you all sorted, don’t you worry,” the nurse assured Louis. Louis tried to smile as best he could. The nurse had kind eyes, and there wasn’t an ounce of teasing or disgust in his voice. Louis appreciated that more than he could express.
“Thank you,” he said, wincing as the nurse and Liam helped him into the wheelchair.
“Of course,” the nurse smiled, “I’m Zayn, by the way. If you need anything while you’re waiting, just ask for me, okay. I know this can’t be fun for you. And you’re probably really embarrassed and I just want you to know that I’ll be as sensitive as I can to your situation.”
Zayn wheeled Louis into the hospital and to a private room that was not in use, “You’re lucky you got here when you did,” he said, “Usually we’re packed and you’d have to wait out in the public waiting area. And this is kind of breaking a rule or two, but I want you to have some privacy, okay. I’ll try to get Doctor Styles in here as soon as I can. He’s great and he’ll be very respectful of your situation.”
“We appreciate that,” Liam smiled at Zayn, sitting down in one of the chairs, “Thank you.”
Zayn shut the door behind him and Louis put his face in his hands as he whimpered, “Liam, this is the worst day of my entire life.”
“Oh it is not,” Liam t’sked, “Remember when we were in uni and you did all those jello shots? And you spent the entirety of the next day puking into the toilet? And you missed your Chem exam because of it? I think that was worse than this.”
Louis let out a chuckle, “Thanks, Li.”
“You’re going to be okay. Zayn is sweet and Doctor Styles will be professional. No one is going to make fun of you for this, Lou. It’s okay. I’m sure it’s happened before. You’re going to be alright. And tell you what, after this we’ll go home and we’ll put you to bed and tomorrow we can spend the day doing whatever you want. Even if that includes you boobie trapping the flat and pranking me all day, we can do that. Just whatever you want, babe. We’ll do it.”
Louis smiled, feeling a different kind of heat bubble up inside of him. He loved Liam, he really did. For as much as they could get under each other’s skin, Liam was a good friend to him, and Louis wouldn’t trade him for the world, “Love you,” Louis said, reaching out a hand to squeeze Liam’s.
“Love you too, Lou.”
Just then, the door opened and a man in a white coat entered. He had curly brown hair pulled back into a ponytail at the back of his head. He was tall, was the first thing Louis noticed. The second thing Louis noticed was that he had the most chiseled facial structure Louis had ever seen in his life. Seriously, who even was this guy? He could be a model instead of a doctor, and Louis was quite certain he could give Miles McMillan a run for his money.
“Hi,” the man said, a soft smile spreading over his face, causing a dimple - a fucking dimple - to crater into his cheek. Louis wanted to die. “I’m Doctor Styles and I’ll be the physician taking care of you today,” he said, “Zayn tells me that we have a bit of a problem with an object being caught up inside of you?”
“Yes,” Louis gritted, turning his face as a hot, red heat spread over his cheeks, “A dildo.”
“Oh,” Doctor Styles’ eyes widened, “Right then. Um, if your boyfriend doesn’t mind, we’d like some privacy to take a look at what we’re dealing with here.”
“Oh, Liam isn’t...he’s not.”
“We’re not...no,” Liam shook his head.
“He’s my flatmate. And best mate,” Louis corrected, “But we aren’t...dating.”
“No,” Liam shook his head again.
“Oh, sorry,” Doctor Styles blushed - Louis was quite sure it was the prettiest thing he’d seen in a long time, “Well, Liam, if you don’t mind just stepping out to the waiting area. There’s um...there’s coffee and tea out there and you’re welcome to help yourself.”
“Thanks,” Liam stood from his chair, ruffling Louis’ hair before leaving, “You’re gonna be alright, Lou.”
Once Liam was gone, Doctor Styles motioned to Zayn, “Zayn, I need you to help me get him out of the wheelchair. We need to get you out of your clothes, Louis, and into a hospital robe. Do you need help changing?”
“Uh...yeah,” Louis winced, “I...I don’t have the energy to stand. Thank fuck the battery died but I’m still very weak.”
“Battery? It was...a vibrator?” Doctor Styles blinked, “Wow. I am so, so sorry.”
“ ‘s okay,” Louis lied, “I thought I was going to pass out if it didn’t die on me.”
“Okay, well we’ll help you. We’ll be as gentle as we can. Zayn, help me get him up.”
They helped to lift Louis from the wheelchair before Doctor Styles grabbed a cloth hospital gown, “Alright, Louis. We’re going to undress you now. We’ll be gentle, I know you’re probably very sensitive right now. Try not to worry, okay? This has happened before, you know. And you won’t believe the stories I’ve read online from other doctors. Once,” Doctor Styles smiled, staring into Louis’ eyes as he pulled his pants down, “a doctor had to extract a Buzz Lightyear action figure from someone’s rectum.”
“You’re kidding,” Louis couldn’t help but smile at that, “So I guess this isn’t so bad?”
“Definitely one of my more interesting cases,” Doctor Styles said, still focusing on Louis’ face as he held him up while Zayn wrapped the robe around him, “But not as bad as that, no.”
“You aren’t going to put this on a doctor's’ forum, are you?”
“No,” Doctor Styles smiled gently, “Between us, I may know a bit of what you’re going through.”
“You do?” Louis blinked, Zayn coughed.
“Just a bit,” Doctor Styles winked, “Never had anything stuck in me though. Not unwillingly at least.”
“Jesus,” Zayn hissed, “Let’s get him up on the bed.”
“Right,” Doctor Styles nodded, “Louis, we’re going to help you onto the bed. You’re going to be on your stomach, alright. And I’ll lift up your robe and check out what we’ve got going on down there. We’ll be gentle, and I’ll let you know before we try to do anything.”
“Thank you,” Louis murmured as they helped him onto the bed. Louis never imagined a hospital bed could be so comfortable. But he was exhausted and the cool sheets against his body felt like heavy. He laid his head against the pillow and dreamed of passing out here and never, ever having to move again.
“Lifting up the robe now,” Doctor Styles said, “I’m not going to try to extract it yet. I’m going to spread your cheeks a bit just to get a better view, alright.”
“Al-alright,” Louis whimpered, burying his face against the pillow. Maybe he would just pass out. Then they could do their thing and he’d have no memory of this whatsoever. He felt the cold fingers of Doctor Styles’ gloved hands spread him apart. Wincing, Louis bit down on his forearm. This was mortifying. Doctor Styles was gorgeous. The kind of man Louis would be willingly letting touch him like this under other circumstances.
“Okay,” Doctor Styles said, removing his hands, “Zayn, please go get an injection of muscle relaxant. That should take care of it. We’ll give you the injection, Louis, and it should start going to work in about ten minutes. It’ll just help your muscles relax and unclench. You’re stressed and anxious and that is making you tense up. Once your muscles are relaxed, I’ll apply some lubricant and we should be able to slip it right out of you.”
“Thank you,” Louis murmured as Zayn left to get the injection, “I’m sorry about this.”
“Oh don’t be sorry, Louis. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But this is so weird. I know this is weird. And I feel so stupid.”
“Shhh,” Doctor Styles’ placed a hand on the small of Louis’ back, “You aren’t stupid, Louis. No one thinks that. These things happen. It’s okay. Don’t make yourself even more anxious. We’ll take care of you. Now then, why don’t you think about something other than this. Why don’t you tell me a story. Tell me about what you did today....prior to this.”
Louis noted that Doctor Styles was still rubbing soothing circles onto the small of his back with the flat of his hand. This was the most relaxed and calm Louis had felt in about over an hour, “Well,” he took a little breath, “I um, I went to lunch with me mum and sisters today. And then Liam and I went to the cinema and saw the new Captain America movie.”
“I’ve been meaning to see that. Was it good? Tell me about it, Louis.”
“It was good, yeah. We’re kind of suckers for superhero movies. Liam is more of a DC fan. I swear he thinks he’s Batman sometimes.”
Doctor Styles chuckled, still rubbing soft circles on Louis’ lower back, “I can see that,” he said, “I’m not much of one for superhero movies, if I’m honest. I like them, and I want to see Civil War, but they aren’t my favorites.”
“What are your favorites?”
“You’ll laugh at me.”
“I will not,” Louis said, mildly affronted.
“Alright, well...my favorite movies are horror movies.”
“Horror movies? Really? You?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, just that you seem more of the type to want to see Finding Dory over the third Purge movie.”
Doctor Styles laughed, a bright happy sound, “Oh hush. I love kids’ movies too. And don’t get me wrong, scary movies scare the absolute shit out of me. But I like the adrenaline rush I get from them. I’m kind of an adrenaline junkie. They make my heart race, and I like that. I also like getting to lean against someone when I watch them. If I’m on a date, I’d rather see a horror movie than a romcom.”
“Smooth,” Louis laughed, “I’m not the person for that. I’m the guy that’ll poke you just to make you jump even more at the scary bits.”
“You seem like the type to do that, yeah,” Doctor Styles laughed again, “I’m Harry by the way. You can call me Harry. It might um, make things a bit more relaxed. I want you to relax, Louis.”
“Harry,” Louis tasted the name on his tongue, “That short of Harold?”
“Absolutely not,” Harry wrinkled his nose.
“Gonna call you Harold anyway.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “Whatever helps you relax, sure.”
“This muscle relaxant,” Louis said suddenly, “Will this make me loopy?”
“A tad, yeah,” Harry smiled, running his knuckles down Louis’ spine, “I’m glad Liam’s here to drive you home safely. And you’ll probably want to just sleep after all this. It’ll make you very tired.”
“I’m already tired,” Louis said on a yawn.
“I bet,” Harry continued to run his knuckles down Louis’ spine until the door opened, “Alright,” Harry removed his hand and Louis almost whined at the absent touch, “Gonna give you the injection in your left cheek. It’ll sting a bit.”
“Okay,” Louis nodded, gritting his teeth as the needle pierced his flesh. He felt the burn of the medicine as Harry squeezed the syringe, “Jesus,” he hissed.
“I know,” Harry said, voice soft and sweet, “I know. It’ll be over in a sec.” He removed the syringe and explained, “The medicine will start working pretty much immediately. But we’ll wait ten minutes for it to kick in fully. We’ll stay with you though, just so you aren’t alone. You’ll start to feel sleepy. But don’t fall asleep. We need you awake for this, Louis. So keep talking to me, alright? Tell us about your favorite superhero.”
“Hmm,” Louis thought it over. His head felt light and his whole body felt as though it could float up off the bed, “Probably Spiderman. I like Spiderman. I also really like Iron Man because Tony Stark is a little shit...and...um…”
“You feeling relaxed, Lou?” Harry asked, and Louis tried not to focus too hard on the nickname, but it did make something squirm inside of him.
“Very,” he yawned, “I think...we can try...taking it out...now.”
“Okay,” Harry smiled, “Zayn, get me the lubricant from that drawer. This will be cold, Louis. I’m sorry.”
“ ‘s okay,” Louis really didn’t care at that point.
“Alright,” Harry squeezed some onto his fingers, “Going to apply it around your rectum. I’m sorry it’s cold.”
Louis jumped a little at the touch, hissing from oversensitivity.
“I know, I know,” Harry soothed, “Gonna try to extract it now. Just breathe normally for me, okay?”
Louis felt Harry touch the toy inside of him. He glanced around the room for Liam - his head feeling like he was in a fog. “Liam,” he said, “I know...I know what I want to do tomorrow. I want...to take...Harry to see...Civil War.”
He felt Harry’s hands freeze for a moment, but his head was too foggy to really pay much attention, “He’s cute, Liam. I like him. Can I keep him?”
“Um…” Zayn started.
“You know,” Harry said, and Louis felt the toy twist a little inside of him, “Harry does have a day off tomorrow.”
“Good,” Louis yawned, rubbing his cheek against the cool pillow, “Wanna take him out.”
Suddenly Louis felt very empty and cold. “All done,” Harry announced, “That went very smoothly.”
Louis looked over his shoulder to see Harry holding the neon pink dildo in his hand. He winced again, suddenly remembering where he was and what was going on.
“Fuck,” Louis pressed his forehead into his arms.
“It’s okay,” Harry soothed, handing the dildo over to Zayn, “Please clean this for us and place it in one of the take-home plastic bags. Also, inform Liam that he can come back in now, please.”
Zayn paled, taking the dildo, but nodded anyway.
Louis felt the softness of Harry’s hand on the small of his back again, “You’re alright, Lou. We got it out of you and you’re all good to go. Once Zayn gets back here, we’ll help you dress. You’re going to be really out of it so we’ll give Liam your aftercare instructions.”
“Thank...you,” Louis sighed, wondering if he could float up to the ceiling and what it’d be like to be a balloon. He felt filled with helium.
A moment later, Zayn returned with Liam in tow.
“All done?” Liam asked.
“Yes,” Harry nodded, “He’s going to be really tired and really out of it. So make sure you take him home right away. He’s going to need some good sleep to sleep off that medication. Just make sure he’s comfortable. He’ll be a bit sore, so I’ll write up a prescription for a pain-killer. Just for a few days until the soreness wears off. Comfy clothes, no tight jeans, all that. Zayn has his take-home bag with the um...item...in it. Do you want to help him change into his clothes while we write up the prescription?”
“Sure. Thank you.”
“Come on, Lou. Up and at ‘em,” Liam helped Louis sit up on the bed. Louis winced.
“I know, babe. I know. But it’s all done. Gonna get you out of this robe and into your t-shirt and shorts, okay?”
“Liam,” Louis mumbled as Liam pulled the t-shirt down over his head.
“I think I may have told Harry I want to go out with him.”
“Doctor Styles,” Louis winced, more out of embarrassment than pain, “The uh...the muscle relaxant...I was so tired...I didn’t know what I was saying. I thought...I thought you were here. And I told you I wanted to keep him.”
“Oh Jesus, Lou,” Liam rolled his eyes, “Let’s get you up and we’ll put your shorts on you.”
“He’s cute,” Louis said as Liam helped heave him up out of the bed, “Like really cute.”
“You would hit on your doctor who was removing a dildo from your arse,” Liam rolled his eyes, “Alright. All dressed.”
Louis frowned. He didn’t mean to hit on Harry. But Harry was cute and had been so kind and sweet to him. Louis just couldn’t help it. He liked him. Of course though, he never stood a chance. What doctor would want to go on a date with a patient they’d unlodged a hot pink dildo from? Louis just wanted to go home and forget this whole entire day.
The door opened and Zayn came in without Doctor Styles. Louis tried not to feel disappointed.
“Here you are,” Zayn handed the bag to Liam, “The uh...the toy is in there - all washed. And the prescription is right here,” he handed a small pink slip of paper to Liam, “You’re free to go. Just check out with Martha at the front desk. Oh, and make sure you follow the doctor’s orders to a T,” he said with a wink before heading back out the door.
“Well, looks like we’re free to go then.”
Louis tried not to be disappointed that Harry hadn’t come to say goodbye. Why would he? He was a doctor and he’d done his job and was now off to fix up other patients. Louis was just another patient, another job. And it was okay, really. Louis would get over it eventually. Besides, he knew he’d been a bit ridiculous to think Harry would actually want to go out with him.
When they got in the car, Louis leaned his head against the window, sighing wistfully as they pulled away from the clinic.
“I’ll help you to bed when we get home,” Liam said, “And tomorrow you can do whatever you want. But in between that, I do expect you to wash that beach towel.”
“I will,” Louis mumbled.
“Also, you should probably look over the prescription. Doctor Styles wrote some instructions for you to follow.”
“I’ll look at it later.”
“I think you should look at it now,” Liam said, a small smile playing on his lips.
Louis rolled his eyes, pulling the pink slip from the cupholder it was sitting in. A smile spread across his face as he read --
- Take two of the prescribed medication with food - one in the AM one in the PM.
- Lots of rest.
- No tight clothing.
- Lavender bubble bath for relaxation is also highly suggested.
- No strenuous activity for a week.
- Also, once feeling better, calling the following number is also highly suggested. The final step to patient Louis Tomlinson's’ aftercare is to call Doctor Harry Styles and invite him on a date to a double feature of Civil War and The Purge III at the cinema. This step is a highly important step in your care and should not be overlooked. Doctor’s orders ;)